Author's Notes: Some references to things from Season 4.
It was difficult writing this – could only do a couple of sentences at a time for the first few days even though I knew where the scenes were going – because I am at such a distance from the characters.
I can't fully put my heart into them because it has been broken by bad storytelling.
In my opinion, of course.
I've tried my best and I hope there is still some enjoyment.
PS. Ncuti Gatwa says Eric is a Leo so I don't care if he couldn't be based on his birthday in S1. Ncuti Gatwa is the Word Of God and as a Time Lord he can muck about with time as much as he likes. (I know how to fix this in a later chapter.)
Chapter 33
Maeve stood before the full-length mirror in her bedroom with Otis behind her, pressing against her with his arms around her and his erection firm between their bodies. She was still wearing the black dress she had worn to the dance.
They were gazing into each other's eyes through their reflections in the mirror.
"I know it's not quite as you dreamed it but can you work with this?" Maeve asked softly.
"Yes," Otis murmured.
"I was going to see if you wanted to do it at your place tomorrow night but if you're in the mood…"
"I'm in the mood," Otis murmured, kissing her hair. "You look so stunning. Even better than you did at the dance."
"I wish I had pushed," Maeve said wistfully. "When you said you weren't going because it was an appropriated American tradition that celebrated sexism, I should have said let's go protest. 'Down with sexism'."
"Would you have bought this dress if we had gone to protest?" Otis asked gently.
"I didn't buy it, remember?" Maeve murmured.
"Would you have acquired this dress if we had gone to protest?"
"Probably not," Maeve murmured. "Definitely not."
"I should have asked you to dance," Otis said. "After I danced with… I should have come over and asked you to dance."
"I was off looking for Sean," Maeve said. "I saw you dancing… I was jealous of you dancing… then I saw Sean with Liam and I followed him…"
She fell into silence for a few moments and noticed Otis' eyes darken and his jaw fail to not clench at the mention of her brother's name.
"Fuck Sean," she muttered bitterly.
"This isn't making good memories," Otis murmured after a moment.
"That's because you haven't started taking my dress off," Maeve said, heaving a sigh as she tossed aside memories of Sean.
"Would you like me to take your dress off?" Otis stage-whispered.
"Which dream are we doing?" Maeve asked, realising. "The one you told me about last night or your first wet dream?"
"Let's do the first wet dream," Otis said. "That one was unfinished so we've got room to improvise."
"Mmmmm," Maeve hummed.
"That was at Aimee's party," Otis murmured. "So there I was, wiping out with the sober virgins, finding the party too loud so I tried to find somewhere I could get some peace and quiet and I walked into that bathroom and there you were."
"What was I doing when you first opened the door?"
"Looking into the mirror and reaching behind yourself to undo your dress."
"How did I react?"
"You just looked at me like you did when I stepped out of the bathroom and there you were sitting on the bed while Jack-… while one side of your dress was off your shoulder."
"I wish my boob had been hanging out," Maeve murmured. "I'd have loved to see your reaction to my boob hanging out."
"I would never have spoken to you again," Otis said. "I would have run the other way if I saw you in the hallway. I would have been so mortified."
"I would have cornered you somewhere," Maeve smirked. "It would have worked out. What next?"
"I said I'm sorry and started to walk out and you said…"
"Oi, muppet," Maeve barked. "Don't go."
"And I saw the mess on your dress and asked you what happened and you said…"
"Selina spilled a whole tray of drinks on my dress," Maeve said. "I'm sopping. God, she's a cow."
"Which one's Selina? Is she the girl with braces?"
Maeve giggled. "You're really not getting this, are you, muppet?"
Otis snorted and dropped his head and said, sheepishly, "Oh, right. Selina. I remember Selina. I just forgot who she was for a moment."
"Yeah, well, who'd want to remember Selina?" Maeve asked. "She's a cow."
"I'll just go," Otis said.
"No, no," Maeve said. "Unzip me."
Otis stepped back and reached for the zipper of Maeve's dress, slowly pulling it down. He looked at her in the mirror then slowly slid the dress from her shoulders.
As it hit the floor he gasped at the sight of her frilly pink bra and knickers.
"I thought you said you didn't have pink knickers," Otis said hoarsely.
Maeve shrugged as she curled her lips knowingly. "I needed new ones. Why not pink?"
Otis stepped forward, put his arms around her and tenderly kissed her neck and shoulders then looked into her eyes in the mirror.
"Thank you," he murmured.
"Would you take my bra off?" Maeve asked softly.
Otis kissed her neck again, stepped back and reached for the clasp of her bra.
Maeve smiled at his frown of concentration as he tried to unhook it.
"I thought you said you didn't fumble with that," she giggled.
"It's coming. It's coming," he said and the clasp came loose.
Slowly, gazing into Maeve's eyes, he pushed the straps from her shoulders and she allowed the bra to fall to the floor.
"Objectify me," Maeve whispered.
Otis kept his eyes on hers for a moment longer then looked down at her breasts, running his eyes all over them.
"D'ya wanna have a shower with me and you can wash my back?" Maeve murmured.
"That's when I came," Otis said.
"So now we're free to make this whatever we want it to be?" Maeve asked.
"Yes," Otis murmured. "So what do you want it to be?"
"You take the lead," Maeve said. "It's your dream."
"May I touch them?" he murmured.
"Yes," Maeve whispered.
Otis wrapped his arms around her, grabbing each of her breasts and gently squeezing. He studied her reaction in the mirror.
"Do you like that?" he asked.
"Yes," she hummed.
"May I move my hands lower?"
"One of them," Maeve murmured.
Otis slowly moved his hand lower while his other kept squeezing Maeve's breast and tweaking her nipple. As his hand moved across her knickers, she gave a soft gasp.
"Your knickers are so wet," Otis murmured.
"Maybe I don't need a shower, after all," Maeve murmured.
"May I take them off?"
"Yes," Maeve breathed.
Otis kissed her neck gently then slowly bent and dragged her knickers down. Maeve stepped out of them and kicked them aside.
Otis straightened, put his arms around her again and pressed against her. She moaned at the feeling of his hardness between them.
"May I objectify you for a few more moments," Otis asked, running his eyes up and down Maeve's body.
"Take a photo, it lasts longer," Maeve said with a soft smile then, after a moment, continued. "I mean it, that's the last photo. Me from behind, reflected in the mirror so we can see both sides of me."
Otis smirked, picked up the phone and stepped back so he could capture the entirety of Maeve.
When done, he stepped forward, leaned against Maeve and held the phone out for her to see the photo.
"You look gorgeous," he said.
"Send it to me," Maeve murmured.
"Later," he murmured. "I'm too distracted to ensure it will go to the right person."
He put the phone aside, then wrapped his arms around Maeve again.
"May I continue where we left off?" he asked.
"You may," Maeve said.
Otis moved one hand back to her breast and the other hand travelled down her body, a finger massaging her clit before moving to stroke between her little labs.
"Ohhh," Maeve moaned.
"May I go inside?"
"Not yet," Maeve murmured. "When you start tasting me, you can go inside."
"May I start tasting you?"
"In a moment," Maeve murmured. "I want more of this first."
"My pleasure," Otis murmured.
"No, my pleasure," Maeve said.
"Your pleasure is my pleasure," Otis murmured.
"Do you…?" Maeve began, then stopped.
"What?"
"I really need you to think about this," Maeve said. "I mean, seriously."
"Okay," Otis said.
"I mean, maybe you'll need to use your safe word serious," Maeve said.
"Okay," Otis said, cautiously.
"You promise you'll use your safe word if things get too much?"
"I promise," Otis said.
Maeve nodded, satisfied.
"You need to come up with a safe word for yourself so you can use it if you think I'm not dealing as well as I should and you feel uncomfortable continuing." Otis said.
"Do you mind if I use flamingo?" Maeve said. "I've used it a couple of times."
"I don't mind."
"Can we share it? Make it our safe word?"
"I'd like that," Otis said. "Why might I want to need to use it?"
"Remember when I said we could try doing things close to full sex once I was past my period?"
"Hmm-mmm," Otis said.
"Do you want to try something where… your penis and my vulva make contact?" She studied his reaction in the mirror. "Not inside me but close."
"What do you have in mind?" Otis asked.
"Put Jawbreaker between my thighs."
Otis kept his breathing steady and Maeve moaned gently as he moved slowly back and forth between her thighs, rubbing across her.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Maeve asked.
"Yeah," Otis breathed.
"How does it feel?" Maeve asked.
"Good," Otis breathed.
"And how are you feeling? Any distress?" Maeve asked.
"Not distress but…"
"But what?"
"Scared," he eventually murmured.
"What are you scared of?" Maeve gently asked.
"That we won't recognise that I'm not handling it and it'll go to shit."
"Okay, is it flamingo time?"
"No," Otis said after a pause. "No. I'm handling it. It feels so good but… I wish I could just let myself go with this."
"You will," Maeve murmured. "If we do it a little at a time, you will. Do you want to keep going?"
"Yes," he breathed.
"You can speed up a little if you want," Maeve said. "Just a little."
Otis began moving faster and Maeve let out a sigh of pleasure.
"And we can swap after this," she said. "Me sliding on you."
Otis lay back on Maeve's bed, breathing slowly and heavily as Maeve straddled him, slowly sliding herself back and forth along his length.
"Like that?" she breathed, smiling down at him.
"God," Otis breathed.
"Goddess," Maeve corrected. "Earth Goddess, wasn't it? Not… the other one."
"That feels so—" He gasped as she moved across his ridge.
"Too much?" Maeve asked, holding her breath and her motion.
"In a good way," Otis breathed slowly.
"Did you feel anything else?" Maeve asked. "Distress, I mean."
"No," Otis said. "Just how good that felt."
"Are you still feeling scared?" she asked quietly.
Otis took his emotional temperature for a moment then said, "No. A little. Maybe."
"What about now?" she asked as she began moving again.
"No," he said after a moment.
"Do you think it is getting easier by doing this?"
"I think so," he said. "I'm still not fully relaxing but that… that was a surprise."
"And you didn't freak out," Maeve murmured.
"No," Otis murmured.
"There's another thing we can try but… another time," Maeve said and bit her lip. "Do you want me to try to make you cum?"
Maeve watched the conflict on her boyfriend's face as he was clearly tempted but then he said, "I'd rather not… just in case. At least I can remember how good this feels. Not…"
"Okay," Maeve nodded.
"Maybe I can taste you now?" he asked.
Maeve smirked and bit her lip. "Do you want me to sit on your face?"
Otis gasped and Maeve smiled as she watched him release onto his stomach.
"Wow, you really like that idea as well," she giggled.
Maeve lay back on the bed, head propped up by pillows as Otis gently kissed down her neck, between her breasts, down her stomach and reached the place on her body he was aiming for.
He gazed at her in awe for a moment then flicked his tongue across her clit and she gasped.
"Mmmm," she hummed as his tongue continued licking and flicking her. "God."
"Tell me what you like," Otis said as he looked up at her.
"That was good," Maeve said. "Keep doing that for the moment."
Otis flicked his tongue again and Maeve moaned.
"Feels so good," she murmured.
He circled his tongue around her then placed his lips over her clit and very gently sucked.
She gasped.
"Too much?" he asked, concerned.
"No," she breathed. "No, good," she continued. "Just not expecting it so soon."
"I've done a little research," he said.
"Porn?"
"Women only," he said, sheepishly. "Since they can give and receive they might know about what their partner might like."
"Did you jerk off?" she smirked.
"It was research," he protested.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," she said, airily.
"I also read a few articles."
"Do it again," Maeve commanded gently.
Otis gently sucked again and swirled his tongue around her and she gasped even harder.
"God," she cried.
"Are you always this sensitive?" Otis asked.
She shook her head. "I've… we've been working me up. You'll have to work a bit longer if we were starting from scratch."
"Can you cum from just my tongue?" Otis wondered.
She nodded her head. "Yeah, sometimes. I normally need fingers as well but if you keep doing that I think I definitely will."
"Do you want… do you want a quick release or a slow burn?" he asked tentatively.
"Slow burn," she said. "If your tongue can handle it."
"We'll see," he said and begin licking her clit again before moving his tongue down to her labs.
Maeve tensed up in pleasure, arching her back.
"Can I touch inside you?" Otis asked.
"Uh-huh," Maeve said and moaned as he slipped two fingers into her.
"I won't concentrate on your girl button just yet," Otis said as he tried to synchronise the movement of his tongue and fingers.
"I'll lick you when I come," Maeve grunted as her pleasure began to rise.
Otis blearily watched as Maeve lay on her bed beside him, annoyed with herself.
"Sorry," she murmured.
Otis shook his head wearily then put his arm around her as she snuggled against him.
"We can't pretend you've never done things," he murmured.
"I don't need to talk about them," Maeve murmured.
"It's good you didn't swallow," Otis said, consolingly. "If experience has shown pizza and cum makes you sick."
"I should have just said I wasn't in the mood," Maeve muttered. "I didn't want to spoil you."
"I don't mind," Otis murmured, kissing her hair.
There was a long not-relaxed silence between them until Otis said, hesitantly, "I feel safe with you because you have done things."
Maeve raised her head to look at him.
"You know things I don't," he continued, hoping he wasn't saying the wrong thing. "I think if I was trying these things with someone who didn't know… I don't think I would be able to trust myself to continue. Not after what happened that first time we did anything."
"I know what you're saying," Maeve murmured. "We can do more tomorrow night, if you like."
"I would," Otis said.
Maeve looked at her dress lying on the floor.
"Don't let me forget to pack that in my bag in the morning," she said.
"And those?" Otis asked, glancing at her discarded bra and knickers.
"We can take those, too, if you like," Maeve said with a gentle smile. "I'll need to wash them."
"Do it at my place," Otis said as he felt her tense as if she was going to move to do it now.
"In the sink? Where your mum can see?" Maeve smirked. "She'll think we're having sex."
"In the bathroom," Otis said. "You can hang them up to dry in my room."
"How come there's only one bathroom in a place that big?" Maeve asked.
"There's another one downstairs. With a loo. But the pipes are broken and mum never got around to having them fixed," Otis said. "Why bother when there was only just the two of us in the house?"
"Well, if she and Jakob make it another month, she can always ask him to fix them," Maeve smirked.
"A month? Is that how long it takes for the free handyman clause to kick in?" Otis asked.
"How the fuck would I know?" Maeve shrugged. "I'm just guessing."
"Is there anything around here that needs fixing?" Otis asked, looking around the room.
"You can change the lightbulb in the storeroom."
"I'll put it on my list."
Maeve snuggled closer against him and closed her eyes.
"Y'wanna reach over and turn off the light?" she yawned. "I've just got comfy."
Smirking, Otis reached over her and turned off the bedside lamp. He kissed her hair and settled down.
"Good night, babe," he said.
"Baa ram ewe," Maeve giggled. "Fuck, you make me soft."
Day 16
Maeve and Aimee sat at the bench at the back of the school overlooking the farm beyond, cigarettes in hand.
"You look as if you had a good night last night," Aimee said, pleased.
"We did," Maeve smiled. "We didn't do everything but we did a lot."
"You still haven't done it?" Aimee asked, surprised.
"We're getting there," Maeve said. "Otis just needs time. He's… he just needs time."
"He should do you on Christmas Day," Aimee said. "Give you his dick in a box."
"Be hard wrapping that and putting it under the Christmas tree while keeping him attached to it."
"He really has made you soft," Aimee said, fondly.
"And giggly," Maeve said. "I fucking giggle now. He called me babe last night and I giggled. He was taking the piss, but…"
"I call you, babe," Aimee said, concerned.
"It's different, Aimes."
Maeve was silent for a moment, pondering, then asked, "Otis really helped you, didn't he?"
"Yeah," Aimee said.
"So is it different with Steve now than before you talked to Otis?" Maeve asked.
"I don't know what you mean, babe," Aimee said.
"Do you feel like the same person than before you talked to Otis?"
"Yeah, just with better sex," Aimee smirked. "I told you, babe, you're just being you. You've been the happiest you've been in a long time. Why are you so miserable about it?"
Eric and Otis sat behind the science block eating their lunch.
"It's getting easier," Otis said between mouthfuls. "Maeve's making it easier."
"What's she doing?" Eric asked.
"I'm not going to tell you what we're doing."
"I bet she's—"
"Don't even start to try guessing," Otis warned.
"I thought you'd be so much fun when you got a girlfriend," Eric pouted.
"We need to find you a boyfriend," Otis said. "Then you won't have to worry so much about my sex life."
"But your sex life is a miracle."
"Miracle it's actually happened, you mean?" Otis smirked.
"Miracle that you hadn't rusted up from lack of use."
"I wonder if Ola knows anybody," Otis mused. "I could call her. Ask her to bring along someone to the movies tomorrow."
"She already said she'd ask somebody but they weren't interested."
"I'm sorry," Otis said.
"His loss," Eric said, dismissively. "He doesn't know how fantabulous I am."
"Maybe you could try Grunter or one of those other dating apps?" Otis suggested.
"Grindr. And I tried. I'm not 18," Eric replied unhappily.
"I wish more people were as brave as you," Otis murmured.
"What do you mean?"
"Maeve said there are more than you and Anwar at the school who are gay. I wish they were as brave as you. And Anwar, I suppose."
Eric was silent for a moment then quietly said, "It's not not-brave to not come out, Otis. It's not that easy. Not everybody can feel safe coming out. Not every environment can be safe for someone to come out in."
"I wish they were," Otis said. "I've heard that Cavendish College is safe to come out in."
"I've heard they're a cult."
Otis walked beside Eric who was walking his bicycle along the road leading to Otis' home, watching Maeve as she rode ahead of them, circling back occasionally to catch sight of them before turning once more and riding away from them again.
"Why did you tell Maeve to practice on your bike?" Eric asked.
"So she feels more comfortable when we go riding on Sunday," Otis said.
"You are a terrible liar, Otis."
"I just want to talk to you," Otis said quietly. "About dad."
"Remi?" asked Eric, surprised and puzzled.
"Yeah," Otis murmured.
"What about Remi?"
Otis struggled to speak for a moment, then sighed. "When I told you about why I found it difficult with… sex… why did you think it wasn't the first time dad cheated?"
Surprised at the question, Eric stammered, "He's Remi."
"What do you mean?" Otis asked. "Did you see him cheat with somebody?"
"No, but…," Eric struggled to find the words. "Didn't you see him when he'd take us somewhere?"
"What do you mean?"
"He was so flirty. So charming," Eric said. "You must have noticed."
"He was like that with the groupies," Otis muttered unhappily.
"That is the type of man that if his kid wasn't with him would be up against the wall with those girls in the nearest secret spot he could find," Eric said. "I know he's your dad—"
"It's okay," Otis said, shaking his head. "You're… you're right. He is like that."
"Why don't you ask Jean?" Eric said quietly. "You need to ask Jean."
"After Christmas," Otis shrugged. "After we're back."
"Why wait?"
"I don't want to ruin our holiday."
"The way you're feeling at the moment, you'll probably ruin your holiday because you haven't talked about it."
Jean watched as Eric danced down the stairs, a crestfallen Otis following behind.
"I am the champion," Eric sang. "I am the champion."
"Crushed him again, Eric?" Jean asked, amused.
"Pulverised him, Jean," Eric beamed. "You need to take him to hospital immediately."
"You're only ahead by one game," Otis protested.
"That still means I'm ahead," Eric said, smugly.
"Are you staying for dinner, Eric?" Jean asked.
"Oh, I can't. Sorry, Jean," Eric said, genuinely disappointed. "We're putting up the tree tonight and it always has to be a family thing."
"I understand," Jean said.
"It's my turn to put the little angel on top again this year," Eric said, proudly "I won't have to use the ladder this time."
"Well, I hope you enjoy the moment," Jean said.
"I will make sure it is perfection. It's probably my last chance at home," Eric said with an undertone of sadness. "I'll have to wait until Jenny does it again and I'll probably be long out of home by then."
"So we'll meet you at the bus stop tomorrow," Otis said. "But don't get on the bus if we're late. We'll get the next one. We'll have plenty of time before the movies start."
"Will see you then," Eric said. "Bye, Jean."
"Bye, Eric," Jean said.
Eric danced out of the room singing "I am the champion of the world."
"He always seems so happy when he crushes you," Jean said.
"Can we put up the tree tonight, too?" Otis asked.
"Oh?" Jean responded, surprised. "We never put up the tree when we're going away."
"Eric convinced me we need to have a present-giving gathering, so we're going to do it after the movies tomorrow. You don't mind if I have them over again, do you?" Otis asked.
"Of course not," Jean said. "How many will be here? I need to know how many to cook for."
"Aren't you going to be going out with Jakob again?" Otis asked, surprised.
"Jakob's working this weekend," Jean said. "Somebody in Caerdon needs a rush job before their family arrives so he's been asked to help a friend of his. We're hoping he'll be finished by Sunday night."
"Don't worry about cooking," Otis said. "Maeve and I were going to do it after we got back."
"I don't mind doing it," Jean said. "It will feel quite nice to cook for a large gathering again. I just need to know how many."
"Six," Otis said, then corrected himself. "Seven, including you."
"Any allergies, dietary preferences?" Jean asked.
"No," Otis said. "I checked last weekend."
"Then I know exactly what to cook," Jean said.
Otis startled. "I just realised I haven't told Ola it's a present-giving."
Jean sat at the dinner table watching with silent amusement as Maeve and Otis split their time between eating dinner and scrolling through images on their phones which were sat side-by-side on the table between them.
"You still can come in with me," Otis said.
"Thanks," Maeve said. "But I want to find something for myself."
"I'm just going to try to get joke gifts since it's such short notice. I told Ola that's what she should do."
"What type of joke gifts?"
"Little dumb-bells for Steve. Plumber's toolkit for Ola. Not sure what for Aimee."
"Get her a stuffed penguin," Maeve said. "She'll love that."
"What did you get her?" Otis asked.
Maeve glanced at Jean then said, "Tell you later."
"I see I may have to make my presence discreet tomorrow night," Jean murmured.
Maeve almost blushed then said, sheepishly, "It's just some sexy lingerie. I told Steve it can be for both of them. No idea what to get him otherwise. What did you get Eric?"
"A book of photographs by Rotimi Fani-Kayode."
"Who's he?" Maeve asked.
"A Nigerian photographer," Otis said. "I wanted to get him something related to Nigeria this year."
"What can I get him?" Maeve asked, scrunching her face. "I have no idea what to get him."
"Remember what I said, Maeve?" Jean began. "When you asked me what you could get Otis."
"What did you say?" Otis asked.
Jean remained silent and Maeve hesitated for a moment, then said, "I should get you something that lets you know I see you."
"Well, what do you see when you look at Eric?" Otis asked.
"Do you really want me to answer that?" Maeve smirked. "No, sorry, that's mean. That's the old…"
A cloud ran briefly across her face as she fell silent.
"Somebody brave," she eventually said. "Vibrant. Caring."
"He's a Care Bear," Otis said.
Maeve burst out laughing in surprise, dropping her fork as she almost fell off her chair.
"Careful," Otis said, grabbing her.
"What…?" she tried to ask. "What…?"
"What what?" Otis asked, bemused.
Maeve shook her head, got to her feet and stumbled over to the kitchen bench, leaning on it as she still couldn't contain her laughter.
"Sor… can't…" she managed to get out, holding up the index finger of one hand to indicate one moment.
Otis glanced at his mother who was watching the girl, amused.
"Are you alright, Maeve?" Otis asked.
Maeve nodded and her laughter began to slowly subside.
"What star sign is he?" she eventually asked.
"Leo," Otis said.
"He's Brave Heart Lion," Maeve said, giggling a little more. "I know what I'm getting him."
Maeve sat on the balcony, smoking a cigarette, illuminated only by the light emanating from the house.
She flinched as the balcony light switched on and Jean stepped from the house, carrying a glass of wine.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Jean said. "I can turn the light off again, if you like."
"No, it's fine," Maeve said.
Jean sat at her usual place at the end of the table, taking a sip and placing her glass on the table.
"That was quite a reaction," Jean said.
Maeve grimaced. "I just… Can't believe I was like that," she muttered.
"It seems as if you needed a release," Jean said.
Maeve shrugged. "I was just surprised he said that."
"As I said, if you have need of an ear to hear…" Jean murmured.
Otis stepped onto the balcony and said, "I've got the tree out. We can start putting it up whenever you're ready."
"In a bit, muppet," Maeve said. "I'll have another cigarette after this." She glanced at Jean. "Thanks, Jean. I'm right."
Otis noticed his mother's reaction and briefly studied Maeve before dragging the chair next to her closer, sitting in it and, turning his face away from his mother, murmuring, "Did I interrupt?"
Maeve shook her head. "No, it's fine," she murmured. "Just let me finish these cigarettes, then we'll go in."
"You sure?" Otis murmured.
"Yeah," Maeve nodded, put a gentle hand on his knee. "It's okay."
Otis nodded and settled back in his chair. He saw his mother watching them, pensively, before she broke the silence.
"I remember one time with Remi," Jean began. "We were at a restaurant – I can't remember if it was a special occasion or not – but we were talking about, oh, I don't know… I think it was people at his college and he said something and I said something in response, completely oblivious to any deeper meaning, and when we both realised we burst into laughter just like you, Maeve. The Maître d' came over to ensure we were alright – I think he was annoyed we were disturbing the other patrons. We couldn't look at each for the rest of the meal because every time we caught each other's eye we started laughing again. I'm surprised we got through the meal without choking."
Maeve gave a little smile of acknowledgement as silence settled over them.
"I won't tell you what I said," Jean continued. "Even I'm embarrassed by my unwitting double entendre."
Silence settled over them again. As Jean picked up her glass from the table, Otis glanced at Maeve then said, "Mum…?"
Maeve glanced quickly at him and leaned over, murmuring urgently, "You don't have to do it for me."
"I want to do it," Otis murmured.
"Are you sure?" Maeve asked, concerned.
Otis nodded and gently touched her hand.
"Do you want me to leave?" Maeve asked.
"You can stay," Otis murmured.
Maeve hesitated a second then stubbed out her cigarette. "I'll go out the front."
She grabbed her cigarette pack and the ashtray, gave Otis a quick peck on the cheek then hurried into the house.
"Have I upset Maeve?" Jean asked, concerned.
"This isn't about Maeve," Otis said calmly. "I just need…"
He sighed, trying to gather the words.
"I don't want to argue. I just need to ask you a question," he said.
"What question?" Jean asked after a moment, taking a sip of wine then putting her glass back on the table.
Otis heaved a heavy sigh then asked, slowly and cautiously, "Why did you tell your Yoni Group about my wet dream?"
Jean flinched and hitched a breath.
"I got home from… and some old woman I'd never seen before congratulated me on my ejaculation."
"Oh, Otis…," Jean breathed, distressed.
"Couldn't you see how inappropriate that was?" he asked without force.
"I just… it was… you had been…" Jean fumbled to begin then abruptly stopped herself. "No," she said to herself. "There's no… this is not the time to try to justify myself."
She looked Otis directly in the eye.
"I'm sorry, Otis," she said quietly. "There was no justification for doing that. I shouldn't have done it. It was an intrusion on your privacy when you asked me to stay out of your room and a further intrusion when I shared it with the women in my group."
"I'm not accusing you, mum," Otis tried to reassure her. "I'm not attacking you about it. You're changing. You're trying not to do that sort of thing anymore. I can see that. I told Maeve I can see that."
"No wonder she doesn't want to talk to me," Jean sighed. "I suppose she's angry with me on your behalf."
"She's disappointed," Otis said after a moment. "She really really likes you but she never thought you'd do anything like that."
"I suppose there's been a lot of occasions where she would think the same," Jean mumbled to herself, grimly.
"More than you can probably remember," Otis said then gave her a soft smile. "I can try to list them for you, if you like. It could take a while."
"Unless you have a fervent need to do so, I will comfortably forgo that opportunity to learn more about my shortcomings," Jean said. "I truly am sorry, Otis."
"Why did you do it, mum?" Otis asked.
Maeve stood on the front porch and took a puff of her cigarette, startling slightly as she heard the door open behind her. She turned and saw a slightly humbled Jean step through it.
Maeve turned away, bit her lip and took another puff.
Jean stayed in the doorway and said, "Otis has laid out the boundaries for my part of the conversation if you'd like to talk about it."
"It's between you and him," Maeve said, shaking her head.
Jean walked over to her and said, quietly, "Otis said you're disappointed with me."
Maeve tried to suppress a flinch and shook her head. "I don't have a right to be disappointed. We've only just met. It's… I'm sorry."
Jean gave her a tender smile that the girl didn't notice. "In some ways, I appreciate that you're disappointed in me."
Maeve turned to her, puzzled, frowning.
"It means you had a higher expectation of me than reality has proven to be," Jean said. "We're never disappointed by people we have no expectations of. I'm sorry."
"You shouldn't be apologising to me," Maeve said, discomfited.
Jean was silent for a moment. "I understand why you don't want to talk to me but if you do need to talk to someone I can arrange something."
"I don't want to talk to a stranger," Maeve murmured.
Jean nodded, sad and disappointed.
"Maybe not tonight," Maeve said after a moment. "Maybe some other time. Talk to you, I mean."
"Whenever you need," Jean said softly then continued, "With all the usual qualifiers. That I'm not with a client. That I'm not dashing out the door because I'm late for a hair appointment. That I haven't cut half my finger off because I wasn't paying close enough attention."
Maeve nodded, giving her a soft smile.
"I promise, everything said will stay between us," Jean said.
"Otis said I could trust you about that," Maeve said, then stubbed out her cigarette. "We should get this tree started."
"I'll let you and Otis have your time together," Jean said.
"Oh," Maeve said, trying to hide her disappointment. "I was hoping the three of us would do it."
"Well, if you want me to…" Jean said.
"It's been a long time since I put up a tree," Maeve said. "It was always three of us."
Maeve hung up a hanger holding her pink bra and knickers then turned and rushed over to the bed to snuggle against Otis.
"Are those as sexy as the lingerie you got Aimee and Steve?" Otis asked, staring at the bra and knickers.
"Aimee's is sexier," Maeve said. "Split-crotch panties and a bra with nipple holes."
Otis gasped and shifted his gaze to Maeve as she smiled up at him.
"I am not wearing anything like that for you," Maeve said, smirking. "I'll come up with my own special present."
"What special present would that be?" Otis asked.
"You'll find out if I ever think of something," Maeve said.
"What made you think of sexy lingerie?"
"She saw some in a magazine and said, 'Cor, that'd be hot,'" Maeve said, doing her best impression of Aimee. "Said she'd love to wear something like that to school and only Steve would know."
"It'd be bad if she forgot and wore them on PE day," Otis said.
"She'll probably want to try them right away tomorrow night," Maeve said.
"I need to get mum to ask Jakob to fix that lock," Otis said.
"Just make up a Do Not Disturb sign," Maeve said, twirling her finger on Otis' chest. "So, talking with Jean seemed to go well," she murmured, cautiously.
"Yeah," Otis murmured. "Her talking with you was okay?"
"Yeah," Maeve said. "We didn't talk about it."
Otis traced a finger slowly down Maeve's back.
"Did she say why she did it?" Maeve asked, trying to conceal the true level of her interest.
Otis sighed. "Because I was shutting her out otherwise, she said. When I was creating my performative…" He struggled for the words.
"Masterpieces?" Maeve suggested, smirking.
"My performative masterpieces," Otis agreed. "She thought it meant I was wanting to talk to her about my… issue because nobody would be stupid enough to fake something like that thinking anybody would believe it was real."
"She said that?" Maeve asked, shocked.
"I'm saying that," Otis said. "No, she thought me doing that meant I wanted to talk to her but couldn't bring myself to ask her outright."
Maeve reached up and gently stroked his hair.
"When I got angry at her asking me about it, she was hurt, confused, worried," Otis continued. "She thought there may have been something physically wrong with me. I mean, everybody's different, there's no set schedule for… the changes we experience… but there was always a possibility… Anyway, when she discovered I'd… had a wet dream, she was relieved. She wanted to share and… she doesn't have many friends since dad left. So she shared with her group."
"That's fucked, Jean," Maeve murmured.
"I think she realises that now," Otis murmured.
"Why doesn't she have many friends?" Maeve asked. "She's nice."
"When…" Otis began. "When dad left, she got angry, she got depressed. She stopped going out and people stopped coming over. I think most of her friends were really dad's friends – he was born over at Deniborough - and the people she met down here… they just didn't know how to deal…"
Maeve studied his face, tenderly.
"That's one thing I am proud of her for," Otis said. "When I think about it. She was down but she picked herself up. I don't know how she did it – we don't talk, obviously – not about that. She stopped crying, stopped playing Alanis, started going out and bringing not-boyfriends home and she expanded her practice. Took on more clients. I'm proud of her for that."
"Maybe the members of her groups are her friends," Maeve murmured.
"Yeah," Otis murmured as if he hadn't thought of that.
"Still doesn't mean she should talk about her son's cummings with her friends," Maeve said.
Author's Notes: I'll probably be taking some more things from Season 4 but I'm continuing with my pre-S4 intentions for this story. I'm not sure if I'll make reference to Joanna and Jean's relationship with her father is a loving one.
I will be getting Maeve and Otis together but I'm not sure how much longer I will be able to continue writing them after that.
As time passes, it's not so much that it hurts but it's making me numb.
Such a waste. There's a sports metaphor here about leaving your game-winning player on the bench for most of the season and wondering why the team didn't make the finals.
I'll stop before I start ranting.
I'll get the next chapter out as soon as I can.
