A/n: I feel like this prompt would work best if it was a romantic relationship because then it would really drive home harder, so Zoyalai it is just because why not? The lyric prompt (the first one) also reminded me of the scene in the beginning of King of Scars where they're in the carriage after the demon's little nightly adventure where he asks her to pretend they're a married couple or smth (one of my favourite scenes in all the books tbh) so while that idea didn't make it into here exactly how I wanted it to, I felt it was still worth mentioning ;)
"Medic!"
"The King has been hit!"
"Heartrender! Healer! Anyone!"
Blood and shouts was all she was aware of. Her body was working on autopilot, the soldier in her taking over even as her mind numbed. She avoided looking at Nikolai - Saints, Nikolai - because she didn't want to see the red everywhere on him, his usual golden light dimming. So instead, she spent her energy protecting him and the few people who came to help, storm raging both inside and out.
It'd been a stupid idea to come to the camp, she'd told him the second the idea had been pitched in the war room last week. "It'll boost morale," was what they'd said, not listening to her, who knew how the enemies think, who knew the dangers, everything there was to know about war and the borders. She knew that Nikolai himself knew the realities of the front, Prince - King - or not, he knew. Privateer and soldier, two fighters he'd been before, two roles he'd played in the past.
And yet with all that she'd argued and protested, the best she'd gotten him to agree to - all of them agree to - was letting her come with him and be his personal bodyguard.
Well she'd failed miserably at that, and now she had to watch the King die. Stupid ambush, stupid her, stupid temperamental powers that she was using all her energy in just trying to control and stop from hurting her own people as well. At least now most of their enemies were gone thanks to the dragon inside.
She had no choice now but to turn back to Nikolai, lying on the floor. A medic had appeared and was frantically hovering around him, calling for a gurney, a stretcher, anything to move him to a med-tent so she could work properly.
His half-closed hazel eyes somehow met hers, and he opened his mouth. She hesitated only for a second before crouching down next to him and taking his hand in hers, not caring about her kefta which would likely be ruined by the mud on the ground, or what people would say if they saw her being so close with the King. She didn't care anymore, not if these could be the last moments she had with him.
"I'm here, Saints, Nikolai I swear if you die on me," she breathed, unsure if he heard her or not. She was too lost in her own world, all the mistakes she'd made, the stupidities - how had she let this happen?
More medics came with a makeshift gurney, and she moved back to give them space but with what was probably the last of his strength, Nikolai held on to her hand, tugging her closer.
"Don't leave," he said quietly, wincing, his eyes pleading and how could she say no? It was her fault anyway. So she stayed by his side as they lifted him up onto the gurney, him hanging onto her hand like a lifeline.
A healer appeared opposite her, having been pulled from the busy tent to prioritise their king, but she had a dreadful feeling it was too late. There was just too much blood.
They set him down once they got to the tent and the two medics quickly went away to tend to other wounded soldiers, letting the Corporalki work freely. There was only one other Healer and one Heartrender in the tent, the third Healer dead in the battle outside which occupied the other two Heartrenders.
"Zoya…" Nikolai rasped, coughing a spray of red.
"Don't talk. Save your energy." She tried to not let any of her emotion show in her voice.
"Smile for me."
"I said don't - what? Why?"
"I want… to see you smile one more time."
She shook her head. "No. Don't say stupid things like that." She turned to the Healer. "Hurry up!"
"Please?"
She closed her eyes to avoid looking at his pleading eyes, the ones that were blurring in her vision. When she opened them again to scold him some more, Nikolai somehow looked worse and it changed everything. It took a real effort to give him a watery smile.
"Is this better?" She asked, voice cracking a little.
He smiled weakly. "Much better."
"You're going to be fine though. Okay? You're going to live to annoy me for many years more, and make me work my ass off trying to stop you from making more stupid decisions like this. I'm not letting you die on my watch."
He breathed a shaky laugh, which turned into another cough, one that didn't seem to stop. The Healer called for the Heartrender but Zoya was barely aware of anything now. It was all background noise and she could do nothing but hold on to his hand as her world tilted and everything was just noise but oddly muted and suddenly his usually warm hands became cold. Her fingers moved to his wrist of their own accord and time seemed to freeze when she realised she couldn't feel anything.
"No," she gasped softly. "No, no, no. Nikolai. No. Don't go where I can't follow. Please," she choked out, and she was barely aware of hands on her shoulders and arms, gently pulling her away from him, away from the one person she… - Saints, she couldn't even say it. Now she would never be able to say it.
A tear dropped onto her cheek, but she didn't move to wipe it away even as a second joined it.
"Nikolai! Why are we going along with this? Go to the Fjerdan front? Do you realise how dangerous that is? We're practically handing them the Ravkan crown on a platter, risking the King's life - you, you are the King, don't forget that - for what? Boosting soldier morale? You - you're not even listening! You're just what, getting some beauty sleep in the sun while we're all discussing a campaign that could end in you dead and your country in shambles?"
Nikolai frowned at her slightly at her from where he was lying on the grass, a thoughtful look in his eyes.
"Would you lie with me and just forget the world?" He asked after a while, making her blink blankly at the sudden, odd request.
"What?"
"Just for a few moments. Join me." He patted the ground next to him, eyes closed. She huffed, rolled her eyes, but eventually complied, grumbling as she took off her kefta and placed it gingerly on the ground before lying down on it.
"And why, pray tell, am I doing this?" She inquired as she shifted into a comfier position beside him.
"It offers you a new perspective."
"On what? The world of ants and peasants?"
"Zoya."
She sighed, the two lapsing into silence for a few minutes, just looking up at the clear skies. She couldn't deny it was a beautiful day, one of the few left with warm sun and a cooling breeze before the weather would inevitably take a dramatic turn in the week or so to come.
"Why did you agree to the campaign, Nikolai?" She asked quietly, searching his face. "You know the risks."
He took his time in answering.
"You're a soldier, Zoya. You know as well as I what it's like on the front - "
"Which is why I don't understand why you would risk your whole country! You're the King now, Nikolai. If you die then the whole country will be in shambles."
"More than it already is?"
"It can always get worse."
"But it can always be better too."
"It must be exhausting to always have hope in the world," she muttered, earning a breath of laughter. Hazel eyes met hers with a soft, wistful smile.
"Who am I if I don't, Zoya? What kind of King am I if I can't believe I can always do better? If I only see the negatives and what went wrong instead of actually working to improve? Besides, seeing the negatives is your thing. You always know how to be realistic, tell me when my ideas are too ambitious. Why else do you think I keep you around?" He grinned, making her roll her eyes, but his smile dimmed as he continued.
"I understand your worries about the whole thing, but… I have to go. I can't explain my reasons, but I'm a soldier too, or at least I was before I was a King. I know how to handle myself out there, and besides, I'll be protected. I'll have an army of Grisha and otkazat'sya along with a personal envoy to keep me safe - "
"And I'll be there to stop you from making any other stupid decisions or dying."
"You don't have to, Zoya. You could take care of things here while I'm gone - "
She cut him off. "Between the rest of the triumvirate and the twins, I'm sure they can manage. You're not that irreplaceable."
"Evidently I am if General Nazyalensky is personally accompanying me," he said, another small smile appearing on his face.
"Don't make me regret that decision. I'm coming, Nikolai. You're not dying on my watch. Now come on, there's still plenty of planning to be done, and Genya's likely been raiding your closet since I left trying to find suitable Kingly outfits for you to wear."
He groaned. "I do hope she doesn't pack all the ridiculously fancy ones. I can barely breathe in them."
"Which is why we should hurry - "
She sat up, only to have him reach out and grab her sleeve. "Stay, please? Just for a bit longer. We never did quite get around to the 'forgetting the world part'."
She huffed in frustration. For a King and former privateer, Nikolai certainly acted like a petulant child more often than she liked. "Fine," she sighed, lying back down next to him.
They stayed there for maybe ten minutes, just lying there and enjoying the peace of the fast-coming evening.
She would give anything to go back to that moment if she could, the last moment of peace before the downhill descent into chaos and pain.
All she could see was his limp hand, his pale face, a stark contrast to the scarlet blood everywhere on his body - not all his, but enough. All she could think was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. It was her fault he'd been unprotected, her fault he'd been hit, her fault his heart had stopped.
So now it was her responsibility to make it start again. Because his heart had beat for his country, his people, for her. Hope, and energy, and charm, and integrity, and everything good left in this world was in him, was him, and without him, the world was a darker place. Ravka would fall, chaos would reign, and it would be all her fault.
A plan formed in her mind and the soldier in her took over, and she worked on autopilot.
"Move," she ordered, her voice already layered with Juris'. The air crackled with the lightning on her hands, and everyone who'd crowded around the bed separated to let her pass.
She made her way to the bed, and in this moment, she didn't hesitate for even a second.
A/n: Yes, cliffhanger, I know, but I think it works. I'll leave it up to you whether he lives or dies - totally not because I myself could not decide. Either way, guys, I'm only two days behind on prompts as of right now! It only took me more than half of the month, but I'm getting there, yay!
Back to the fic though. Healers sometimes make writing whump a little harder in the Grishaverse, but my justification is that 1) Nikolai was pretty injured here, paired with b) they were in an ambush so lot of people hurt, and yes, the King is the priority, but even then they might have been too late and even in fantasy, I'm sure they have limits to what they can do. So let's just go with that. Also, no one ever really talks bout how incredibly difficult Nikolai can be to write sometimes, because honestly he is. Any charming-but-also-serious-when-they-need-to-be character is like that so sorry if he seemed ooc but let's just blame that on the fact he was dying. And it was Zoya's pov, Zoya who was spiralling a little, so she might not have gotten everything right. (I'm good at justifying bs right? Learnt from High School English class lol)
Anyway, stay safe and see ya soon.
- CrowofArcadiaOaks
