I hurl a firefly into the darkness
and sense the enormity of night.
—Kyoshi Takahama (1874-1959)
It began to pour that morning. The rain came like a sudden outburst of powerful tears, enveloping the house with its uproar.
Alone, Gintoki pondered if asking Tsukuyo about having kids was the right thing to do. He knew she always had reservations about becoming a mother because she grew up with none. But the way she looked longingly at the children in the streets told him that the desire has always been in her heart. Except – it was never the right time. He was often away and their nation was too terribly afflicted by war.
So, when he finally asked her, he never thought she'd shut down. She looked so afraid, confused and…shocked. She harbored the face of betrayal – like she didn't think he would ask her such a question. It was as if she never wanted kids at all.
'Did I misunderstand her?' Gintoki thought. He always had confidence in his ability to read his wife.
But it didn't matter. He still respected her decision. They didn't need children to be happy.
Wondering if he should go after her, he decided to resign himself to preparing breakfast instead. After all, he promised that he would take charge.
She'd already done much by hand-gathering every piece of sansai she could find for him. She even did a skillful job in picking the ripest, freshest berries. Enticed, he gave them a taste, and his eyes widened with how sweet they were.
As he was about to grab the last one, a muffled thud came from their room. It was so soft, like a whimper, that it could have simply gone unheard.
But to Gintoki, the sound was loud and clear.
He promptly stood up to check what it was.
As he opened the door, the sight of Tsukuyo unconscious on the floor slowly came into view. At that moment, he'd suddenly forgotten what he was even thinking of.
There was a sheen of sweat on her forehead despite the room being bitter cold. Suddenly, she released wave after wave of vomit. This made Gintoki finally snap out of his stupor.
He knelt down and eased her to her side to prevent choking. He held her in that position, feeling her body convulse every time she wretched. The sudden calmness that followed when her body stilled, frightened him to a level he's never known.
With trembling fingers, he checked for a pulse.
Still there.
"Tsukuyo," he called, as he made her face the ceiling.
Like the passing of clouds over the moon, she opened her eyes ever so weakly. Her gaze was unfocused, her irises dark. Her pale, besmirched lips began to move as though to speak, but no sound made it past them. Then her eyes closed and her head had slumped completely.
Gintoki no longer remembered what happened next.
The next thing he knew was that he was rushing down the mountain with her on his back. All he could hear was the roar of the heavy downfall on his ears and his feet splattering on the slick mud. Rocks, twigs and fallen branches nipped at his soles but he didn't feel pain. As he dashed down the mountain path, he realized that Tsukuyo's straw cape was starting to slip. He'd hastily draped it on her to protect her from the rain and keep her warm. Her hands were already cold this morning when they held his.
'Do I stop and fix it? Will it stay on until we get to the town? How much time do I have to spare?'
With a pained heart, Gintoki made the decision to continue on. He silently pleaded for the straw cape to stay on just until they got to the town doctor.
Thick fog started to settle among the trees as though to block escape. Nature was taunting him, challenging him.
So he ran unstoppingly. Even when his feet had at last led him into the town, he never stopped. Villagers gawked at him, some called him, but he paid no heed. It wasn't over until he got her to the doctor. His mind had already mapped out the shortest route, while his frigid, bloody legs led him there like a workhorse.
The sight of the door finally came to view like an oasis.
He knocked loudly and desperately until the doctor himself opened the door. The doctor's eyes widened in shock at the sight of the dignified samurai all drenched and barefoot in the rain.
"Sakata-san? What on earth–"
"My wife needs help," he wearily declared. She heaved on his shoulders, but nothing came out anymore and she was still unconscious.
The doctor quickly stepped aside, his expression grim.
"Come in."
The room he brought her in was one of the several in the doctor's residence. At that time, Tsukuyo seemed to be the only patient there. Gintoki was cautiously relieved since it meant that the doctor could focus on her.
In this little room, the sound of the torrential rains had muffled into a soft shush. A brass mechanical clock was ticking on the bedside table. Gintoki stared at the idle ticking of the clock's hands. Time was moving too slowly.
"...constricted pupils…excessive sweating…salivation…vomiting…"
Gintoki tore his eyes away from the clock and back towards the doctor who had been examining Tsukuyo. The doctor pressed three fingers on her wrists.
"...her pulse is slow and weak, her breathing is shallow…"
Gintoki had grown impatient.
"And? What does that mean? What's wrong with her?"
The doctor fixed his monocle and looked at him. He was a man nearing his elderly years. His face was marked by long trenches created by his sagging skin. He had the tired countenance of people who think they've lived too much, and seen too much.
"I, unfortunately, do not know the exact cause of this. You mentioned that she was fine this morning…but some illnesses show themselves when you're not expecting them. It could be anything– kidney damage, liver failure…Or, it could be poisoning–"
Gintoki's eyes narrowed, stepping forward. "Poisoning? You said poisoning, right?"
The doctor took a pause. "Yes," he said, then his eyebrows furrowed. "What did you eat earlier, Sakata-san?"
Gintoki's mind raced. He tried to remember what he saw in her basket. Those sprigs of vegetables, fruits, and berries. Were they all edible? She was naming them one by one. He was also sure that they were safe because he'd tried them before. But it still didn't make sense. Even if some of them happened to be poisonous, she didn't even eat any of them. Unless…she tried other plants while looking for what to bring home.
"She was foraging this morning. Shortly after she arrived, she told me she needed to rest and retreated to our bedroom. At that time, I didn't know that she might have eaten a poisonous plant."
He seriously thought that she was just upset. Now, Gintoki felt like the biggest idiot. While he was lost in his thoughts and indulging himself with the berries she gathered for him, he was leaving her alone to suffer.
The doctor nodded and walked over to his wooden medicine cabinet. A twinkle of life seems to have returned to his grim, sagging face. "Let's see…"
As the doctor scoured his cabinet for a cure, Gintoki looked at Tsukuyo who was on the bed. Some of her hair had clumped together from the rain, but nonetheless the straw cape had kept most of her dry. Together, the rain and sweat made her face glisten under the bluish gloom of the rainy morning. There was crust on the corners of her mouth from the vomit that flowed from them like a stream. He gently used the sleeve of his damp hanten to wipe them away.
He made sure he'll get her better today. Not like what happened to Shouyou-sensei.
"A concoction of herbs gathered from the mountain, mixed with the charred bark of an oak tree. The herbs will reduce her symptoms and the bark will absorb the toxins from her system."
The doctor walked beside him, holding a vial of dark liquid in his hand.
"That will work, right?" Gintoki said, eyeing the liquid warily.
The other nodded. "I used this same mixture for a similar case I encountered, many years ago. A group of people exhibited symptoms of poisoning after consuming the honey they found near a sawaterashi. The honey was most likely made from the poisonous nectar of that flower. However, this medicine I just made is much more concentrated. I hope you understand, because your wife is severely poisoned. It can only mean that she'd eaten a deadlier plant at a larger amount."
Gintoki's stomach sank, agonized at how this could have happened. He was not an expert, but he knew that poisonous plants were always extremely bitter that humans would spit them out at first taste. So, for Tsukuyo to have eaten so much of one could mean that somewhere in the forest, a deceitful plant was waiting to make her a victim. Still, if it tasted fine, she would have brought it home.
'Could there be another reason?' he thought.
The doctor placed the vial on her mouth, ready to administer the antidote. "Sakata-san," the doctor uttered, waiting for his confirmation.
Gintoki nodded.
He watched as the doctor emptied all the dark liquid into Tsukuyo's mouth. With warry optimism, he waited for it to take effect.
He wasn't sure how long it took. Because, every second felt like a minute. A minute felt like an hour. He could even hear the mechanical clock ticking much slower than ever, its tiny gears struggling to pull the weight of the clock's heavy hands. Time was treading carefully, tiptoeing around him.
It was like seeing the first light of the day when he saw color return to her cheeks.
Her chest was visibly rising and falling, unlike earlier when she looked like she wasn't even breathing at all. She inhaled deeply, the bouts of a person who's about to awake.
Then, her eyes shot open and she screamed. It was bloodcurdling and frightening and piercing.
'No, no, this isn't right,' Gintoki thought in pure horror.
He quickly came to her aid, but he didn't know what to do. She was thrashing on the bed, violently kicking her legs, while her hands were gripping the sheets until her knuckles were white. She was in agony.
"What's happening to her?!" he cried while holding her down, looking at the doctor whose face had drained of all its color.
"I–I don't know…! This–This doesn't make sense! It's not supposed to do that!"
"Well, you better fucking know! You're the doctor, right?!" he screamed. He faced Tsukuyo whose pained, crying face had brought him a strange sense of deja vu.
'Ahh, it's happening again,' Gin thought wryly. Another doctor has failed him. They couldn't save Shouyou-sensei and couldn't save Tsukuyo either. She was all he had left.
"It…hurts…! It hurts! Please…make it stop!" she cried. Tears poured from her eyes, her hair sticking everywhere from the tears and sweat. His heart broke at the sight and sound of her suffering.
He took her in his arms and embraced her. "I'm here. I'm here," he assured, trying to keep his voice calm despite the screaming in the room. His mind was a jumbled mess, racing to think of ways to save her.
'Is there anyone else who can help us?'
Amidst the panic, he suddenly remembered Ayame.
Ayame who was always there for him. Who always knew what to do. Who always made him feel better despite everything. He rejected her for Tsukuyo – not wanting anything more than for her to disappear and she did – but now, all he could think of was how to find her. Surely, she would understand if he came to her, begging for her help.
Though he had no idea where she was right now, he had the sense that he'd find her by the wisteria tree north of his house.
She was always there, waiting for him to call her name. He just never did.
Tsukuyo began to convulse, sending Gintoki back towards reality.
'I need to find Ayame.'
Gintoki quickly took Tsukuyo in his arms which horrified the doctor. "Sakata-san! What are you doing?"
The silver haired samurai left the room without so much as a glance, fixated towards finding the woman he never needed until now.
And he was running again, barefoot and bleeding with the weight of his dying wife heavy in his arms. He had forgotten to put on her straw cape. Now, she was drenched by the harsh rain that he tried to protect her from. She was getting cold. Too cold.
'I will save her. I will save her. I will save her.'
As he ran, strangers began to gather around. They looked so scared. Horrified. What was there to be horrified about?
Suddenly, it dawned on him that Tsukuyo was no longer screaming or moving. When he saw the peaceful pallor on her face, his legs collapsed – snatched of all reason to keep going.
He'd seen death many times before. He never thought that the time to see it on her face would come so soon.
With a soundless cry, he held her like she was the most precious thing in the world. Time had stopped and his heart had broken altogether.
The villagers surrounded them as though beholding a spectacle. The town doctor was seen running towards them, catching up to them at last. It was a new sight for everyone to see the forlorn old man running under the rain.
"Sakata-san! It's not safe to bring her outside! She might…" As he neared and saw the limp body that the silver-haired samurai was clutching against his chest, he realized that it was too late. "...die…" he trailed off. He too, knelt on the ground, feeling sorry for he was unable to save his wife.
Silence fell as the rain poured itself on the world and on the cheeks of those whose hearts were touched by the scene. Gintoki Sakata and his wife were a beautiful, well-known couple, admired by the whole town. Today, death has separated them, and the town mourned with Gintoki.
Suddenly, a hush of murmurs started brewing amongst the bystanders. Then, they broke into a cacophony of gasps.
Some women screamed, and they all pointed their fingers toward one thing.
"The–the–the woman! Look!" someone shouted.
A shimmer of light had surrounded the body of the samurai's wife as noticeable changes started to take place in her appearance. Her hair, previously short and blond, grew longer and changed into the otherworldly shade of lilac. By the time that the strange shimmer of light had gone, she had become a different person.
And then to add to their horror, she opened her eyes.
a/n: Gah! I didn't think I'd be able to publish another chapter before I leave. I was informed that my dog wasn't feeling well so it was really hard to focus on writing after that because I was so sick with worry. I would have immediately flown out of here if I could. Thankfully he's doing better now after his trip to the vet. He'll be back to being a brat as soon as I get home lol.
Back to the story! Wow, after the last chapter you guys were pouring your comments. Thank you thank you sooo much! I am grateful beyond words. I swear. You were all so kind and encouraging and sweet that my little heart is overflowing. *I'm talking about the guys in AO3 btw :P
My boyfriend's input had been super valuable in this chapter because he was able to empathize better with Gin. He understood him better than I did kekekek. Writing Gin was much easier after I heard his input.
I Know Your Human is about to take a dark plunge (yes, even the opening poem feels ominous!) so please keep supporting me like you used to. Thank you so much for reading! 3
