The feeling of nausea woke me several days later before the early morning sun could. I barely made it to the bathroom before nausea took over. Javier came in to check on me in the mids of my throwing up. When my stomach finally started to settle, Javier and I weren't the only ones up.
"That will take some getting used to again," I grumbled when I finally stopped puking my guts out.
Javier handed me a glass of water, "do you want some anti-nausea meds?"
I glared up at him. "Don't tempt me," I grumbled, taking the water from him.
He gave me a sympathetic smile. "OK, just let Tony, Bridge, or me know if you need something for the nausea."
I nodded as Melody called for me. "I will. Can you check on Melody for me while I finish getting ready?"
Javier nodded and left me to clean myself up. By the time I got downstairs, everyone else was already there. The smell of breakfast hit me hard the second I stepped foot in the kitchen.
I groaned as the nausea in my stomach returned. My nausea had been so bad the last couple of days I wasn't sure I could stomach anything anymore. That anti-nausea med was sounding better by the second.
Seeing Melody and Truett in the living room, I cut across the kitchen as fast as possible to escape the nauseating smell. My stomach settled a little while I was in the living room with Truett and Melody. But the second breakfast was on the table, and we were all in the kitchen it started right back up.
I slowly sat at the table. "I'm not sure I'll be able to stomach anything at this point."
Javier frowned, removing the plate in front of me. "If your nausea is that bad, maybe you should try working from home today."
I shook my head with determination. "I have to go in today. I'm handing in my resignation, and I'm returning the engagement ring to Luna."
Rowan got up and dug for something in the cupboards. Pulling something off the shelf, she started a pot of water on the stove.
Javier looked over from where he was at the stove. "Are you sure you can't just go in when you feel better?"
I groan a little as my stomach flip-flopped again. "No, I should've resigned a long time ago, and I never should have said yes to Trey. The nausea will pass, and the sooner this is all behind me, the better."
My eyes bugged out as the aroma of bacon and eggs hit me harder than I anticipated. I stood so fast that I nearly knocked over the chair before taking off for the bathroom. I was so unaware of my surroundings I hadn't noticed Rowan following me.
I groaned when I finally stopped puking and slumped onto the floor. "Why are we both pregnant, but you don't spend your mornings with your head in the toilet," I grumbled, envious.
Rowan shrugged, handing me a glass of water. "Every pregnancy is different, even for the same person. My morning sickness might not be so bad this time, but I practically lived in the bathroom for the first few months with True. There wasn't telling what could set off my nausea, and none of the home remedies worked."
"Sounds awful," I noted while I stood slowly.
"It was," She agreed. "At my worst point, I was bedridden, and Javy had to take the morning off. And, of course, I couldn't even think about work."
I sighed, seeing her point. "You're saying I should stay home and rest if my nausea is this bad."
She leaned on the counter and folded her arm across her chest. "What I'm saying is don't be so hard on yourself just because things are different. Change is a part of the long game, so stop blaming yourself and beating yourself with worry. Trust that life knows what it's doing for everyone-including you."
I let what Rowan said sink in for a second. "You don't worry about how different your pregnancies are or how things will change once you and my brother have two kids?"
She chuckled. "Sure I do. But I don't make myself sick with worry. Once that feeling creeps in, I immediately remind myself different doesn't equal bad. Plus, I have some very loving doctors who are on top of it, and so do you. And if I ever get so scared that I feel like I can't handle all the changes, I have many people I can talk to. That goes double for you."
Glancing down at my engagement ring that I still haven't taken off even if I knew things were over, I let Rowan's advice sink in. I knew Rowan was right. I've worried about everything since the second I learned I was pregnant. All my fears seemed to have amplified. Not admitting it, trying to keep things as normal as possible, and just charging ahead was my way of dealing without facing it. But clearly, that wasn't working out so well anymore, and the one suffering the most was me.
Unable to hold it in any longer, I finally broke down. "I'm not scared; I'm terrified. The thought of possibly having two kids with T.A. or something happening to me terrifies me. The idea of being a single parent running my own business I'm reminded of how I can't fail no matter what every day. Everything's changing faster than I could wrap my head around it, and I know the worse has yet to come; that's petrifying," I sobbed out in between tears.
Rowan wrapped her arm around me, and I sobbed into her shoulder until I was all cried out.
I hiccuped, and we both laughed. When we finally got ourselves under control, Rowan brushed some hair from my face. "Better," She asked with a smile.
The corners of my lips pulled into a smile. I nodded as I let out a sniffle. "Yeah, None of the problems were solved, but it still helped to be able to vent out my fears."
"Good, glad I can help," She replied, squeezing me in a side hug. "Plus, you might be a single parent, but you're not alone. As long as you're willing to ask for it, you have a large group of people ready to help you at a moment's notice."
I leaned my head on her shoulder and yawned. "I guess it's really time I start admitting I need more help."
"And there's nothing wrong with that."
I squeezed her in a hug. "Thanks; let's see if Javy has some anti-nausea meds because I'm so over this constant nausea feeling."
Rowan chuckled, "Amen. Come on."
We headed back out to the kitchen, and I felt so much better. At least emotionally and mentally, I was better. I only hope that the physically would come after I take some much-needed anti-nausea meds and get some rest.
Javier gave his attention the moment we entered the kitchen. "Elly, why have you been crying," He asked. "Everything OK?"
"Yeah, just pregnancy hormones," I scrunched my face at the sight of food. "I'll be even better if I had some anti-nausea meds so I can look at food without wanting to puke."
Javier paused and raised a brow at Rowan, and she just smiled with a shrug. She hugged him from behind and kissed him on the cheek. "It's a parent thing."
Javier stood and Rowan in his arms. "Thank you," He whispered, kissing her.
It didn't take them long to get lost in the kiss. There was so much love and passion in the kiss. Trey and I had a passion, but the kind of love I saw in front of me was another story. But it was the kind of love I wanted, and I once thought I had with Troy.
I cleared my throat to remind them of the audience they had. They immediately pulled apart as their cheeks turned a blushing red. Melody and Truett were giggling as they reached out, crying for kisses.
"I think the munchkins feel left out," Rowan turned.
But Javier pulled her back into his arms and planted another kiss on her lips. "I'm not on call tonight, so we can pick up right where we left off."
"It's a date," She winked and planted a final kiss on his lip before he let go.
Rowan quickly took the kids to get cleaned, leaving me with Javier so we could talk. Once Rowan and the kids were out of sight, Javier focused on me. "Want to talk about?"
Blowing out a raspberry, I twiddled with my fingers. "Do you worry about the unthinkable?"
Javier handed me a glass of water and my pills with the anti-nausea med. "Every day, Rosie and I even talk about something happening to her instead of me."
I took the water and popped the pill into my mouth. Gulping it down with some water, I set it aside once I had enough.
I sighed. "I can't even begin to think about it ending badly this time. I thought it was scary last time; that was nothing compared to now."
Javier hopped on the counter beside me. "Remember when I first found out that Rosie liked me?"
I lifted my head, so I was looking at him. "I remember you were determined to not even give her a chance."
Javier nodded with a chuckle. "Right, but look at where we are now. We're happily married with a toddler and another one on the way. Something I wouldn't change for anything."
I knew where he was going and dropped my gaze to the floor. "But that doesn't mean you don't worry about the fact that you're a ticking time bomb."
"True, but do you know why I was so against starting things with Rosie?"
I shook my head. "No clue. You two clearly really loved each other already."
"We did, but the thought of something happening and not being there terrified me," He paused for a moment and placed his hand on my lap. "It still does, and now that I'll be losing more than ever, it has only gotten worse over the years."
I nibbled on my lip while I fiddled with my charm bracelet. "Sounds like me."
He placed his hand on my arm to stop my fidgeting. "Don't think so much about the inevitable. Enjoy every moment you have now. Create those memories now when you can and know that if anything does happen, Melody will not be alone-neither, will this little one. Just like Rosie, True, and the new baby won't be alone."
I lifted my head up and smiled. "It's not as easy as it sounds, is it?"
"No. But when it gets hard, just take it one second at a time. Slowly the second will become a minute, and so on."
I pulled him into a hug. "I'm so glad you're my brother and best friend."
He squeezed me back. "And you're mine, so why didn't you talk to me if something was bothering you? We talk about everything; we're each other's confidant."
I shrugged with a frown. "I wasn't ready to admit how scared I was. Plus, I didn't want to bother you any more than I already was."
"You're never a bother," He reminded me. "You can come to any of us for anything, even just to talk."
I nodded, "Yeah, I'm glad we're talking now."
"Good, now, is my best friend going to give herself a much-needed break?"
I pretended to think for a second, and we both burst out laughing. I was sure neither of us knew what was so funny, but we were laughing anyway. It felt good to let go and laugh for no reason.
Javier shook his head in between laughing. "I have…no idea what…we're laughing…..about," He said as he laughed.
Once I got myself under control, I let out a huge sigh of relief. "Me either. But I know I needed it."
Javier sat up straighter with a smile still on his face. "I'm not complaining. Everyone can always use a good laugh."
I hopped off the counter when Javier did. "I'm actually going to take the morning off. And maybe even the afternoon, depending on how I feel after resting."
"Sounds like you got the right idea," Javier noted while he cleared the table. "I'm headed out after I do the dishes, but Rosie is working from home today. So, she's here if you need anything, and I'm on my cell."
I nodded with a yawn. "I'm still feeling pretty nauseous; I think I'm just going to try and lay my head down."
Javier started packing away the leftover food. "OK, but try and eat something later. You shouldn't make a habit of taking your meds without eating."
"I will," I promised with a hug.
I yawned again, feeling my lack of sleep catching up with me. On my way to my room, I texted Luna to let her know I was working from home this morning. Leaving my phone on the charger, I dropped onto the bed. The second my head hit the pillow, I started drifting off.
