Chapter 9: It's Complicated

Brittany's POV

*Friday 27th March 2020*

It's Friday today and my very kind boss has given me the weekend off so I'm in a good mood right now. I'm also in a good mood because rumour has it that my boss is taking the weekend off too so I'm hoping we can maybe hang out or do something fun. My shift hasn't ended yet but my workload seems to be on schedule at the moment so I'm taking a quick break to see Santana. She's been in her office all day and I haven't seen or heard her once. I only know she's here because her car is parked outside and she sent us all an email telling us that she can't be disturbed by anyone this morning and whoever does disturb her will get their wages decreased.

I'm currently making my way to Santana's office. I know I just said we're not supposed to disturb Santana but I think she'll take kindly to this interruption because I'm different. She always seems pleased to see me. Plus, this isn't a work matter so I'm sure she'll be ok with me bringing some fun to her morning. I don't bother knocking on the door, I just quietly slip into her office and grin at her as I close the door behind myself. She looks back at me unamused but I don't think she'll be mad for long once I work my magic on her.

"Brittany…what are you doing here?" she asks me with a sigh. I smirk at her as I walk over to her. I lean down and kiss her before starting to remove my shirt.

"This is what I'm doing here" I tell her as I throw my shirt behind me to the floor.

"Brittany…" she sighs again. Something really seems to be troubling her right now so I'm going to have to up my game to cheer her up this morning.

"Shush" I say while placing a finger on her lips before kissing her again.

"I can't do this today" she says as she pulls away from me and stands up from her chair.

"What's wrong?" I frown at her in confusion. I have no idea what is going on right now but I don't like it. Something really does seem to be troubling her but I don't know what it is. Usually a little hook up will calm her down and minimise her troubles a little but that's not going to happen if she pulls away from me all the time.

"It's just…" she says before pausing. She looks like she needs to say something but doesn't know how to say it right now. She is usually good with words and just says it as she sees it but clearly that's not happening right now.

"Santana, what's going on?" I ask again but a little more serious this time. I'm clearly confused right now and I think she can see that.

"I'm pregnant, ok?" she sighs again at me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…I'm sorry what now?" I ask her in absolute disbelief. I did not just hear she was pregnant right? Surely, I didn't or even if I did, it's a sick joke, right? It must be a joke or something.

"I'm pregnant" she states.

"This is a joke, right?" I say. I know I sound like I'm in denial right now but this can't be happening to us. We are just messing around, nothing serious was ever supposed to happen because of this. No feelings and most certainly no additions to the family.

"It would be some sick joke Brittany so no, I'm not joking" she tells me as she starts pacing up and down the room.

"Is there a chance it could be Greg's baby?" I ask as I quickly put my shirt back on.

"Brittany, I broke up with Greg 4 months ago" she states angrily. "Are you seriously telling me I look 4 months pregnant right now?" she asks.

"No, sorry" I sigh. Of course I know it's not Greg's baby because he and Santana have been over since before Christmas and we're in the middle of March now. I guess what I'm trying to ask is, is it definitely mine. "So, the baby is…you know?" I say pointing to myself

"No, I do not know Brittany" Santana says narrowing her eyes at me.

"It's mine, right?" I ask nervously.

"No, it's the mailman's. I've been going on and on to you about neither of us having sex with anyone else in respect of the other because I have been having it away with my mailman as well as yourself" she says sarcastically.

"So, the baby is mine?" I ask again.

"Of course it fucking is" she snaps at me. "Also, I knew exactly what you were trying to ask a second ago but I wanted to hear you acknowledge the baby was yours" she adds.

"How did this happen?" I say deflated.

"Let's see, we got a little turned on and excited and then you put your little thing in me and then we moved around a little and hey presto you came inside me and your little swimmers fertilised one of my eggs" she says smartly.

"Stop that Santana" I snap back. I don't appreciate her getting smart with me or talking to me like I'm a child. I knew biologically how it happened but I mean in general terms, how did this happen? We were always so careful I thought. "Also, I'm not that little" I add.

"Oh, Jesus" she says rolling her eyes at me. "You are really thinking about that right now when we have more pressing matters to address?" she asks.

"I just meant, I thought we were always so careful" I point out.

"From what I gather, I'm 8 weeks already so did you actually use protection that night?" she asks me.

"That's a very vague timeframe Santana so I can't recall which nights we had sex 6 weeks ago and what exactly happened" I state.

"I said I'm 8 weeks pregnant, not 6" she tells me.

"I heard you Santana but perhaps you need a biology lesson now, not me" I reply. "If you're 8 weeks pregnant then your last period was 8 weeks ago therefore you were ovulating 6 weeks ago which means you likely got pregnant then."

"Ok smartass" she sighs. "Did you use protection 6 weeks ago then?" she asks me.

"Of course I did. What do you take me for?" I say while rolling my eyes at her. "The only time I didn't was a couple of weeks ago but you said it would be fine since you were on birth control" I add. By the sounds of things, she was already pregnant at that point.

"I guess I'm like you, I don't know how this happened" she tells me. "I always thought we were careful too" she sighs.

"We can't really dwell on the past right now because you're pregnant so we can't change that right now so we need to see where we go from here" I state. I do want children in the future but I didn't necessarily want them like this so I don't know what to do.

"Look, I need to get on with work right now but can we talk about this later?" she asks me.

"We can't pretend this isn't happening" I say.

"I know and I'm not. I'm just super busy right now. We have 9 months to talk about my pregnancy but I only have 9 minutes to prepare for my meeting" Santana replies.

"Fine" I nod.

"Will you come and find me when you finish today?" she asks me.

"Yeah. I'll come by your office at 5pm" I reply.

"Ok" Santana nods and I leave.

We both then get on with our work. The good mood I was in this morning since I had the weekend off has now severely vanished. I was so excited to spend the weekend off having fun and doing what I wanted since I was young. I now have one of the hardest decisions of my life to make. Ultimately it does come down to Santana but it is my baby too so whatever happens, I need to be there for Santana. If Santana doesn't want the baby then I need to deal with that and if she does then I need to prepare myself to become a parent. There is no way I'd leave Santana to bring up my baby on her own so if she wants to keep the baby then that's what we're doing.

XXX

I could not concentrate at all at work today for the rest of the day. As soon as Santana told me about the pregnancy then that's all I thought about. I did try and do my work but all I kept thinking about was how can I have a baby and work all these crazy hours like this. I got here at 7am this morning and I know people do 10 hours shifts but how the hell do I do that 6 days a week with a baby. Also, I kept thinking about money and how I can afford to keep myself and a baby. I know Santana is wealthy and it's her baby too but I will be damned if I let Santana do everything.

I've just knocked on Santana's office door to alert her I'm coming in before I do indeed walk in. She's sitting behind her desk right now looking hard at work. Man, how can she concentrate right now with work? I wish I could focus on work today and try to keep myself occupied but I just couldn't.

"Hey" I say quietly.

"Hi" Santana replies.

"How are you?" I ask as I walk over to the desk towards her.

"I'm ok" she shrugs at me.

"Do you want to come back to mine and we can talk over dinner. I've got the slow cooker on and there's going to be way too much chicken to eat on my own" I say. There is no point talking here when we could go back to my place and talk in comfort.

"Ok sure" she nods. "Let me wrap a few things up and then we can leave" she tells me while she does a few things on her computer before logging off.

"Would you care to do me a favour and give me a ride home?" I ask.

"What is wrong with your car?" she laughs at me. This is the first time she has laughed or even smiled all day and it's kinda nice to see it for a moment because the next few hours are going to be eventful and not necessarily in a good way.

"I didn't bring it with me today. My dad took it somewhere to get it washed and valeted so he drove me into work this morning" I reply.

"Wait a minute…your dad still washes your car for you?" she asks amused. "How old are you?" she adds.

"No. I didn't say he was doing it. I said he was taking it to the valeting place for me where he takes his car and my mom's and my sisters' cars" I point out.

"Why couldn't you take it yourself?" she asks.

"Because I was working. Now come on, don't judge me" I state.

"Ok" she shrugs. "I'll give you a ride home so let's go" she says while leaving the office with me quickly on her heels. This woman can walk fast, let me tell you.

When we get to my place, I finish preparing dinner and then plate up the food. I then take it to the living room where Santana is before sorting out some drinks. This is normally when I'd pour us a glass of wine with dinner and we'd get a little drunk and spend the night in bed together but I think tonight is going to go very differently. Once I pour us both some water, I join Santana in the living room again and we begin eating.

"The food isn't that bad" Santana tells me as she looks at me as I've barely eaten anything.

"I know, I just can't eat right now" I sigh.

"Too much on your mind?" she asks while reaching forward to place her plate on the coffee table before sitting back next to me.

"Yeah" I nod.

"We'll work through this together, right?" she says while placing her hand on my knee to reassure me we're not alone in this.

"Of course we will" I smile slightly while placing my hand on top of hers. "We'll talk this through together and make a decision that's right for both of us" I add.

"Exactly" Santana nods. We sit in silence for a moment, never moving our joined hands, as we think through the best way to approach the subject.

"This is so hard" I sigh. We're talking about an innocent baby here.

"I'm literally torn in two with this decision" she replies.

"I know exactly what you mean" I say. I totally agree with her because I can see the two sides to this. I've always wanted children but I don't know if right now is the right time.

"I know this isn't an ideal situation for either of us but I'm not actually getting any younger and I've always wanted children so I'd be a fool not keep my baby" Santana says honestly.

"A part of me doesn't want you to get rid of it" I state.

"You don't?" she asks me surprised.

"No" I shake my head. "Another part of me says we can't do this right now" I add.

"Yeah, I know" she nods.

"You do realise this ends us don't you. Like you and I need to stop all this hooking up and having meaningless fun" I admit.

"Yeah" she nods again. "No matter what decision we make, you and I are over. If we go through with the pregnancy then the childish nonsense needs to stop because we'll be parents and if we don't have the baby then we need to end because we can't risk a mistake like this again. We're adults not some idiot teenagers having sex all the time."

"I couldn't have put it better myself" I tell her. It sucks that I'll need to lose Santana in a way but at the end of the day, a baby is more important and I knew she was never going to fall for me so I never let myself fall for her which I probably could do in an ideal world.

"Where does this leave us then?" she asks me.

"I have no idea Santana" I say honestly. "This is a baby we're talking about so I don't know if I have the heart to terminate it but on the other hand, I can't be a single parent" I admit.

"My business is bigger than ever so can I really let that go and have a baby?" she replies and I nod. "No, I'm asking you Brittany. Can I really let everything I have worked my entire life for go and have a baby? Is it really selfish of me to do that?" she asks.

"It's a personal decision Santana but I totally see the dilemma" I tell her. "I'm not exactly in the same boat as you but I get it. I live in a one-bedroom apartment but I finally have my dream career but I guess I would need to give it up because I can't work all of these hours for you and still raise a baby" I add.

"Maybe we shouldn't have the baby then" Santana suggests. As much as it hurts to hear that, it might be our best option at the moment.

"Yeah, maybe we shouldn't" I nod. "I mean we're not together; we wouldn't be able to share responsibilities effectively because we don't live together, we'd both need to cut back on work. I mean how hard is it going to be personally for us to have this child together but know we'll never be with the child's other parent" I point out.

"I might need to sell my business because as it stands, I can't bring up a baby and keep my business afloat. It doesn't matter how talented my workers are, if I can't do this then my business won't survive without me giving it 100%" she tells me.

"We also need to think about the baby" I say. "It's going to have two parents who can't be together, who probably won't make a proper living and if they do, they'll never be there for the baby. They also can't live together. I mean what's going to happen when we get into a relationship with other people and have children with them. This poor child is going to be stuck in the middle" I state. I know a lot of couples out there do get divorced and have new families and the kids are usually ok but it's not ideal.

"Where does this leave us then, back to square one again?" Santana asks me. "We have not moved forward at all with this and I don't know what I'm supposed to do" she sighs.

"Maybe we need to take a night to sleep on it and re-evaluate things in the morning" I say.

"Good idea" Santana nods. "I'll just go home now and we can talk tomorrow or maybe even Sunday if we need an extra day to get our head around things and see how we really feel" she says.

"Stay" I say quietly.

"I don't think I should Brittany. It's going to complicate things" she sighs.

"I don't want to have sex with you if that's what you think. It's perfectly clear we're done hooking up" I state. "I just don't want to be alone with this kind of news and no one else knows how I really feel except you" I say. We could potentially be about to end a baby's life and that's heart breaking. No matter what happens it's going to be a really hard time for both of us. We just can't really win one way or another. There is no good decision in any of this. It's just which is better for us and for the baby.

"Ok, I'll stay" Santana nods. "Truth is, I don't want to be alone either" she shrugs.

"Ok" I say while putting my arms around Santana.

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*Saturday 28th March 2020*

I'm not really sure what happened last night after our talk about the pregnancy. One minute I'm asking Santana to stay because we don't want to be alone and the next, which is right now, I'm waking up in my bed next to Santana. It wouldn't ordinarily be totally puzzling since I asked her to say but it is puzzling because we're both naked under the covers.

"Santana" I say, shaking her awake to see what's going on.

"Santana is sleeping Brittany so fuck off" she says while rolling closer to the end of the bed to get away from me.

"Santana, you need to wake up right now" I say while rolling closer to her before shaking her again.

"Let me sleep" she says annoyed, never one opening her eyes.

"What happened last night?" I ask her anyway even if she doesn't want to listen to me.

"You knocked me up and then we had a lengthy discussion about how this is a lose-lose situation any way we look at it and I'm an even more selfish person than I thought I was" she sighs.

"I know that" I snap. "I wasn't talking about that" I add.

"Don't you snap at me" she says annoyed as she opens her eyes and sits up in bed. "Why am I…oh fuck" she groans loudly as she realises, I too am naked and not just her.

"Did we have sex last night?" I ask.

"No of course not. I just stripped off all of my clothes and got into bed with you. You also did the same because the spring breeze we're getting doesn't affect you at all so you wouldn't get cold in the night" she says sarcastically.

"Stop getting smart with me. I'm so not in the mood" I tell her.

"And you think I'm in the joking mood?" she questions. "I'm doing everything in my power right now not to jump out of this bed and sit in front of the toilet bowl and throw up the entire contents of my stomach" she tells me.

"Did you eat something bad?" I ask confused.

"No, Brittany. I did not. I'm just going through some stuff right now, one thing in particular is a pregnancy so I have awful morning sickness" she smartly replies.

"Ok, don't get clever with me. I just wasn't thinking like that" I sigh.

"Sorry" she apologises.

"We're going to have a major falling out and never be able to work together again" I tell her. "All this arguing is no good for either of us or our working relationship" I state.

"I know" Santana sighs.

"Maybe it's another sign that we're not ready to have a baby together" I admit.

"Maybe it's not about us though" Santana points out. "Maybe it's about this baby because ultimately we should be thinking what's best for them."

"That's a good point but at the end of the day what's best for them is two parents who can work together and do the best for their child. Do you really think we're equipped to do that?" I state.

"We already work together reasonably well and yes; you don't always do what I need you to do but you manage" she shrugs.

"See, this is what I don't want. If we have this baby then I get to make 50% of the decisions so you can't tell me what to do or not to do. I will parent how I see fit. I won't bow down to you like I do at work all the time" I say seriously. I work for Santana so I do what she tells me most of the time but when it comes to a baby, that will be my baby too so I won't be solely living by her rules.

"I'm better at handling a lot of important decisions than you are" she shrugs at me again.

"Fine" I nod. "If that's how you feel then make this decision yourself" I say before getting out of bed and getting dressed. I then march to the kitchen.

"Brittany don't be childish" Santana says while throwing on her clothes and running after me.

"No, you're better at me than everything so go ahead. Make this decision by yourself" I shrug.

"I can't do it on my own" she shakes her head at me.

"Yes, you can. You just told me you are better at handling major decisions so I'll do what I do best and just roll over for you" I say.

"But…"

"Do you know what, I will make a decision right now" I say. "I want you to leave" I say seriously.

"Come on Brittany, you can't throw me out right now. You especially can't when this was your idea for me to spend the night" she replies.

"Get the fuck out of my apartment" I say angrily before walking to my bedroom and slamming my door behind me.

"Fuck!" Santana screams in frustration. "That escalated quickly" she groans. I hear a bit of movement before my apartment door slams, obviously meaning she's left now. I know I probably shouldn't have made her leave like that but she really touched a nerve. This is a big thing for both of us and she turns around and tells me I can't handle big decisions?

I take a few minutes to myself to gather my thoughts before texting Mercedes and Tina. I need to talk to someone about this so I'm going to ask them to come over. I know Santana is probably going to be pissed that I'm involving more people but I need someone to talk to. Santana clearly doesn't feel we can have a mature discussion about a life changing situation so I'm going to need to lean on my best friends. I trust Mercedes and Tina though so I know they won't take this any further and tell people. I know they'll be here for me. As soon as I've text them both, they arrive within the hour.

"Hey, in you come" I tell both of my friends as I answer the door.

"What's going on, you sounded like you really needed to talk?" Tina asks in concern.

"Santana dropped some news on me yesterday and I just need to talk to you both and offload" I sigh.

"I'll kill her. How could she fire you?" Mercedes says angrily while shaking her head.

"No, I didn't mean news like that. I'm not getting fired" I assure them.

"Ok, so what is going on?" Mercedes asks as we head to the living room and sit down to talk.

"Well for starters, Santana and I are done. No more hook-ups" I say. Honestly, I never really wanted that but it is for the best.

"Thank goodness for that" Tina sighs in relief. "How are you feeling though?" she asks in concern.

"Well I'm ok about that" I admit. That is the least of my concern at the moment. "There's a reason as to why we've ended our charade otherwise we'd probably still be hooking up at the moment" I state.

"Ok so what is this reason?" Mercedes wonders.

"Santana's pregnant with my baby" I sigh.

"I knew this would happen" Tina states shaking her head.

"We all seen this coming and we did try and warn you" Mercedes tells me.

"I didn't bring you here to hear 'I told you so' so please don't start" I sigh. That is the last thing I need right now. I just need the support of my friends.

"That's not what we're trying to do. I'm sorry honey" Mercedes says.


Santana's POV

*Monday 30th March 2020*

Man, what an absolute weekend I've just had. After Brittany threw me out, I went to my parents' house and talked to my mom. I told her about everything and she was really supportive of everything I had to say. I didn't think she would be any different though because my mom's the best. She could see both sides of the situation and basically told me, it's up to Brittany and I what we finally decide to do. Speaking of Brittany, she hasn't been returning my calls and when I went over there on Sunday, Mercedes and Tina were there and told me not to push things right now and wait until work today. I'm the pregnant one so I get why Brittany is feeling lost in all of this because at the end of the day, it's what I need more so than her because I'm the one having to carry the baby.

"Is Brittany here yet?" I ask Jack as I approach the accounts department.

"Good morning Ms Lopez. No, she isn't here yet" he shakes his head. "I think she said she might be late in this morning or maybe even working from home" he shrugs.

"Nah-ah, that's not happening. I don't give any of my employees those kinds of privileges. If you work for me, you work here. You do not come in late and you most certainly don't work from home" I state angrily. She is not avoiding me today because that's not appropriate. I might be pregnant with her baby but she's still my employee so one more foot out of line and she's outta here.

"I thought she had spoke to you about it. She said something personal is going on so she's going to be late or like I say, work at home today" Jack shrugs.

"I'm going to be honest with you Jack" I say while sliding onto Brittany's desk which is right next to his. "Pierce isn't really talking to me at the moment so I don't really know much so could you call her for me?"

"Uh…sure" Jack smiles while pulling his phone out.

"If you just make sure she answers and then I'll take over. I'll reimburse you for the cost of the call, don't worry" I say. I just know if I call, she won't pick up so that's why we need to use Jack's phone.

"Ok, no problem" Jack smiles again and then calls Brittany. "Hey, it's Jack…no I'm good, there's nothing wrong at work…I do want to get your opinion on something though. Just give me two seconds until I find the document" he says before pausing for a second for affect before giving me the phone.

"It's your boss, please don't hang up" I say into the phone.

"What can I do for you Santana?" she sighs.

"You could start by doing some work for me. Where the hell are you?" I ask her seriously.

"I think it's best I work from home today and we have some time apart. We're not getting anywhere when we're constantly arguing at the moment so until we've worked things out, I should work at home" she tells me.

"That doesn't work for me so either get your ass in here now or you're fired. I mean it Brittany so if you don't turn up today, you no longer have a job here" I say seriously. I don't care what kind of beef she has with me right now. You do not just change your working hours and not inform your boss of what's going on. That's not correct protocol and because she's not talking to me about the baby then the important thing right now is work so I need to focus on work 100%.

"I just…"

"I don't care. Get your ass in work right now and stop being so unprofessional. Goodbye" I say before hanging up the phone aggressively. "Thanks Jack" I smile before walking back to my office.

I've been working for about half an hour before there's a knock at my door. I'm about to tell whoever it is to go away when they just walk in. As soon as I see it's Brittany, I stand up. If she hands me a resignation letter right now, I might throw something. I'm in no mood for childish behaviour right now. I'm especially not in the mood for it because I'm getting nauseous because this morning sickness doesn't just appear in the morning.

"Finally, you remembered you still work for me" I cheekily say. "FYI, I have a new favourite staff member in accounts and that's Jack" I smirk.

"I don't want to play your games Santana. I'm just so sick and tired of everything so I'm done" she sighs.

"Done, as in leaving?" I ask worriedly.

"I should leave because it'll make you see how important I am to this company but if I do, I'm making myself unemployed which I don't want" she tells me.

"Ok, look, you are important to this company and I know I don't show it much but I respect you a lot for how hard you work. You just can't change the rules and not inform me of what's going on. You don't decide to work from home or come in late, you need to speak to me first and if I think it's acceptable, I will grant you that time away from work" I say seriously.

"I'm sorry" she says honestly. "I'm just not handling our situation well because I don't know what to do. There is no good answer to any of this" she sighs.

"I totally agree and I am sorry if I offended you on Saturday. This is a big decision that we both need to agree on" I tell her honestly.

"I want children Santana but I can't see how this would work between us. The only time we're really good together is when we have sex and the rest of the time we fight. What kind of parents does that make us?" she states.

"I totally agree with you Brittany" I nod. I think we do have the same feelings on this whole thing. "We still need to make that final decision though about which way we're going to go" I say.

"How would it work if we did have this baby?" she asks me.

"We're not getting married or anything like that so we can co-parent" I point out.

"I never asked you to fucking marry me Santana" she states seriously. "I asked if we are doing this to be a part of my child's life nothing else" she adds.

"Ok" I nod. "Some people do get married for the sake of children but we're not together so I wanted to make it clear we don't need to do that. We can be two parents who work together to bring up the child but who aren't in a relationship."

"Personally, what are you leaning towards?" she asks me curiously.

"Honestly" I sigh. "The termination I think" I tell her. I know it's awful but I don't think either of us are ready for a baby yet. It sounds all great and everything having children since that's what we both want in life but I don't think it would work right now. I want my child to be happy and they deserve a happy home but that's going to hardly happen right now.

"Ok" Brittany nods.

"Is that all you have to say on my answer?" I ask.

"I'm just processing things Santana" she tells me. "We're proving right now that we wouldn't be able to work together outside of work so maybe it is for the best" she sighs.

"I'm not making this decision lightly" I say honestly.

"I know that and neither am I" she states.

XXX

The rest of my working day was so stressful today so I'm finally glad I'm going home in the next half an hour. The thing is though, the stress was nothing to do with my situation at all. For some reason, everything that could go wrong today did go wrong at work. I mean from staffing issues to shipping issues to production issues. I think the only department that was running smoothly was the accounts and we all know why that was. Brittany and I might be going through a tough time right now but there's not denying when she brings her A-game, my business runs like a house on fire.

"Hey, I just wanted to check in with you and see if the production issues got sorted" Brittany says as she walks into my office. I don't verbally reply; I just walk towards her. "Hello? Earth to Lopez" she says waving in my face.

"They're sorted" I shrug. I then push Brittany against the door and kiss her.

"W-what are you doing?" Brittany asks surprised.

"What does it look like?" I shrug.

"You said we had to stop this" she points out.

"I know but these pregnancy hormones are doing things to me and after the day I've had at work I need to do something to relax me" I admit.

"Oh" Brittany nods.

"Please just let us do this, I really need you" I say seriously.

"I hear you and you're making it hard for me to say no but I need too. Things are too complicated between us right now so we shouldn't" she tells me.

"Things are always complicated between us and they couldn't get any worse so don't make me beg for this" I sigh.

"Do you know what, fuck it" she tells me before capturing my lips in a kiss. "Things are bad but they're not going to get any better so what difference does this really make right now" she shrugs.

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*Wednesday 1st April 2020*

Brittany and I have the appointment today to terminate the pregnancy. We've not taken the decision easily and I have gone back and forth wondering if an abortion is the best option. It seems so awful to do that to a baby but at the end of the day, Brittany and I can't do this. We would be in each other's lives for the rest of our lives and we'd probably end up hating each other. Brittany is my employee and that's the way it has to stay now. We can't have anymore hook-ups.

We had an initial consultation yesterday where the doctor explained everything and assessed our situation. As much as I want children, I'm really sure this isn't the time and having a baby with Brittany really isn't a good idea either. I get that the doctor needs to make sure we aren't rushing into a decision like this but honestly, this is all we've thought about for days now so I just need to get it over with. It sounds cold but Brittany and I are fools if we think having a baby together could work.

"Are you ready?" Brittany asks me as she pulls into the parking lot. I was going to drive myself and meet her there but she insisted on driving us both today.

"As ready as I can be" I sigh. We're doing this but it doesn't mean I'm not thinking about how I could've had a baby in 9 months. Children were always a part of my plan but not like this and not right now.

"Yeah, me too" Brittany nods. We both then get out of the car.

"You can wait in the car if you want. I shouldn't be too long" I tell her. It might be easier for her if she distances herself a little from the situation. I know she's feeling the same kind of emotions as me so she too is still struggling with this.

"I'm not letting you go in there alone" she shakes her head at me. "Just because we're nothing but colleagues now doesn't mean I don't care about you" she adds.

"No more feelings stuff please. Today is hard enough for me without you opening up to me. You know it makes me uncomfortable" I sigh.

"All I said was I care about you. I didn't say I was in love with you" she tells me. "I just think a little support could help you right now" she adds.

"Fine" I nod. The truth is I don't want to go in there alone but I also don't want Brittany to get any ideas. The moment I found out I was pregnant is the moment we ended whatever it was we had so I don't want her to think I need her or something.

"I'm not going to lie though; I wish we could work this out but we can't" she tells me.

"I know and in an ideal world this would be different. If we were together this would be different. We're not together though and we don't want to be either. This was just supposed to be fun and it backfired. I would never forgive myself for bringing a child into our mess" I say seriously.

"I totally agree" she nods. "I mean I think you're a great boss Santana and I'm more than happy working for you at work but I can't do that in my personal life. Like I said before, we would never agree on anything and you're a lot more domineering than me so it would cause a lot of arguments trying to raise a child together" she tells me.

"I get that" I nod in understanding. A lot of my relationships do end because it's my way or the highway so bringing up a child with someone is a lot more complicated than some silly relationships. This will be the most difficult decision I've ever had to make but I think in our situation it's the best option.

"Eventually we'll both find amazing people where we can start dating them then move in together then get married and then have children born out of love and not because of some quickie on the couch to get us off to forget about our work stress" Brittany states.

"Exactly" I nod. Also, I'm not proud to admit it but I'm not ready to have anyone else in my life apart from myself right now. It's selfish but I don't think I have the time and love a baby needs right now.

"Hi, we have an appointment for Santana Lopez" Brittany says as we reach the reception desk.

"No problem, just take a seat Miss Lopez and we'll be ready for you soon" the receptionist replies, looking at Brittany.

"She's Miss Lopez. I am not" Brittany replies, pointing at me. "Anyway, thank you" she smiles.

"Don't point at me, it's rude" I say unamused. I don't like someone's finger waving in front of my face like that.

"Oh relax" Brittany says rolling her eyes at me. "You're just getting nervous now and lashing out. It's going to be ok though. Well not totally ok but the procedure will be ok" she says as she takes my hand and drags me over to the waiting area.

"Hey, you must feel really shitty right now after that receptionist's comments" I say amused.

"Why must I feel shitty?" she asks me confused.

"Well she basically assumed you're the pregnant one, not me" I laugh. "Have you put on a little weight lately maybe?" I smirk.

"I think she was saying it because I was the one to check us in. I think she just assumed, I don't think she said it because she looked at me and thought I was pregnant. I mean look at these abs" she says as she lifts up her shift.

"Brittany, put that away" I frown while quickly scrambling to pull her shirt down for her. I really don't think the rest of the waiting room wants to see Brittany's stomach, well-toned abs or not.

"You jealous that you don't have abs like me?" she smirks at me.

"My ab game is pretty good actually. For obvious reasons you can't see that right now" I tell her. "I'll be in perfect shape in no time, don't you worry" I add.

"Oh, I don't think I will worry" she smirks. "I think…"

"Miss Lopez" we hear my name called before Brittany can finish her sentence.

"Ok that's me" I say while standing up. "Hopefully I won't be too long" I tell Brittany before walking towards the direction of the room.

"I'll come" Brittany says while quickly following me.

"You really don't need to" I shake my head.

"I know but like I said earlier, I'm with you through all of this so I'll come" she shrugs.

"Ok" I nod. Once I get to the room, we get sat down and the doctor explains what's going to happen. It's going to happen in two parts so I take some medication today and then come back tomorrow for the second one.


Brittany's POV

*Thursday 2nd April 2020*

It's the second day, or third day depending on how you look at it, at the abortion clinic today so I'm going along with Santana again for support. I know she's playing it off that everything is ok and she doesn't need me there but if the shoe was on the other foot, I'd want her there with me. I drove us again just in case Santana has some side affects from the medication and things like that. Once we're done, I'll drop her back off at her place and I might stay with her for a little while if she lets me. She's the only person who knows how I feel at the moment so I'm hoping we can lean on one another a little bit. It's slightly different for me because the baby isn't inside me but it still hurts either way.

"Here we are again" I say as I pull into the parking lot.

"Another day, more heartache" she sighs. It's for the best but we still feel awful about doing this because there are people out there who can't have children and would love to be in our position of starting a family.

"Yeah" I sigh.

"At least I have you here for support again" she smiles at me.

"Is that a compliment Ms Lopez?" I smirk.

"Don't get all jokey with me because now isn't the time. I'm being serious and this is a far from funny situation we're in" she tells me.

"I know" I sigh. "I was just trying to keep my mind off what we're doing otherwise I'll probably break down or something" I admit.

"Don't do that please. I can't handle my own emotions sometimes, don't make me handle a crying adult like yourself too" she states.

"Let's just go inside before this turns into another argument" I say while getting out of the car. I don't know if it's just the stress we're enduring at the moment or if this is really how things would work between us but I don't like it. We do nothing but disagree at the moment and it's driving me insane.

"It's not my fault when you're provoking me" Santana shrugs as we walk across the parking lot. "Also, couldn't you park a little closer to the entrance instead of making us walk all the way over?"

"Go to hell Santana" I state. I'm not in the mood today, I'm really not.

"I probably will be going there eventually after what we're doing" she mumbles.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it" I sigh. "We didn't make this decision lightly so we're not totally heartless" I point out.

"I know but it still doesn't make me feel any better" she sighs too.

"I don't like it either but the alternative is not better Santana" I state. "There is no way we could do this. Plus, we've already started the process" I tell her.

"I know and I don't necessarily want it differently. I just hate what I'm doing" she replies. "Anyway, we're here now" she says as we walk over to the reception desk. Santana gets checked in and we wait on being called to the treatment room.

It takes a while for Santana's name being called. I don't know if that's because it's a busy day or if it really doesn't take long at all but we just feel that it does because we don't like this. I hate waiting around for things at the best of times but this is just worse. We can't change our minds anymore since the process is started so I think we just need it over with now and get a chance to try to heal from it. Once the appointment is over, Santana and I head back out to my car.

"Are you feeling ok?" I ask Santana as we walk together.

"I'm ok for the moment but no doubt the side affects will kick in shortly" she tells me quietly. We don't really say much else as we finish our walk to my car. When I get there, I open the door for Santana before going around to the other side to get in myself.

"Home time" I say as I start the car.

"Yeah" Santana nods.

"I'm proud of you, you know" I tell Santana as I turn towards her and kiss the top of her head. I know we're not together and maybe I shouldn't be so intimate like that but we've both been through quite an ordeal.

"What, for killing our baby?" she asks me with a sigh.

"No" I glare at her because that's not what I meant at all. "I meant I was proud of you for how strong you're being about all of this because it's not easy. We've just made one of the hardest decisions that life has ever thrown at us" I add.

"Sorry" she says sighing again.

XXX

I'm driving Santana and I back to SL Designs right now. I tried to persuade her to go home because we didn't need to be working today after the day we've had. Santana was also told she should rest because there are some side affects from the procedure. She wasn't having any of it though and ordered me to take her to work. She said she was happy for me to take the day off but she didn't want to. As much as I'd rather not be working right now because what we've done has affected us emotionally, I'm not leaving Santana at work on her own.

We've just walked into the building and made our way to Santana's office. We haven't spoken since we got into my car and left the clinic. I wanted to give Santana some time to get her head around things so I didn't want to annoy her. I also wasn't in the mood myself to talk too much because I just wanted to let things sink in. I'm just standing awkwardly around, waiting to see what Santana is going to do. I probably should get to my desk to work though if Santana is working.

"Uh...I guess we should…" I can't even finish my sentence before Santana puts her arms around me and buries her face in my neck as she bursts into tears. I've never seen Santana show any kind of emotion before, especially not like this.

"It's really over now" she says in floods of tears.

"I know but it was for the best for everyone involved. You and I wouldn't be able to do this right now" I say as I hug her tightly.

"What if I never find someone so I never have kids again. I've just blown my one chance" she cries.

"Santana you will find someone. You just need to give it time. We both agreed that's what we want now. We want to find the right people and settle down" I tell her.

"I know it's what I want but what if no one actually wants me and I never have children?" she asks, looking up at me.

"You are going to find that special person, I know you will" I reassure her while gently wiping away her tears from her cheek with my thumb. "You're an amazing person Santana so it'll happen" I smile.

"Thanks" she sighs while pulling away from me. "I guess I should do some work to keep myself and my mind occupied" she states.

"Ok" I nod. I think I'll do the same because working does generally take my mind off things. "Can I get you anything before I go to my department?" I ask her.

"No thanks" she shakes her head at me.

"They said you might have a little cramping and stuff. I could get you something for that" I offer.

"Honestly, I'm good" she tells me.

"Ok, I'll catch up with you later then" I say before leaving.

I only get about half an hour's work done at my desk before I decide to stop. I actually can't concentrate and occupy my mind with work so there's no point trying and making mistakes because my head isn't in it. I also figured I should stop and check on Santana. I know she said she was fine and wanted to work but I just need to make sure myself because I'm not fine. I feel like absolute shit right now.

I've just knocked on Santana's door but she hasn't replied so I'm knocking again. After a few seconds, I've still not got an answer so I decide to just go in. She might just not be answering because she doesn't want anyone disturbing her and she thinks it's another employee and not me. When I do walk in though, Santana is sitting behind her desk looking rather upset.

"Hey, what's going on?" I ask in concern as I run over to her. She doesn't say anything; she just keeps crying so I pull her into a hug. "Is this about earlier?" I ask.

"I regret it Brittany" she tells me. "I wish I never went through with the abortion."

"I've been feeling like that at times too" I admit. "It was a hard decision to make but like I say I think this was best for everyone" I tell her.

"It wasn't the best for me" she states.

"What?" I ask confused.

"I lied at times so I went through with it because of you. I was torn about the decision in the beginning but after I thought about it, I started to change my mind. Ultimately though, I made the final decision because of you. I knew it was what you wanted more so I did it because if I didn't, I'd lose you and I couldn't bear that" she tells me.

"You'd lose me?" I question. "Santana, no matter what happens, I was always going to keep working for you. I like working for you and this company. It's a great job for me and I respect you as my boss so whether we had a child together or not, I wasn't leaving" I assure her.

"I didn't mean lose you from my company" Santana sighs.

"How else could you lose me then?" I frown in confusion.

"Do you know, you asking me that tells me everything I need to know right now" she shakes her head at me. "I think it's better you got back to work now" she adds while pulling away from my hold.

"Have I done something to upset you?" I ask worriedly. I'm really confused right now. The last thing I want to do is upset Santana right now. It's a difficult time for the two of us and I do have regrets about it myself but I don't think Santana and I could make it work with a baby.

"If you're staying here Brittany then get back to work. If not, go home" Santana tells me seriously.

"Ok, this situation has gone from 0 to 100 real quick so can you explain please" I reply. One minute I'm comforting her and the next she seems pissed as hell at me. Other than work, how else could she think she'd lose me. I mean we're not friends in the first place and she's made it abundantly clear we could never be anything more.


I know maybe not everyone wanted this but I feel this is key to their progression. I feel this difficult decision will bring them closer as no one else but them know how they feel. Next chapter should be up really soon.