Episode 1: A Lying Witch and a Warden

The adventure begins!


"'Foolish child! I will swallow you whole!' said Gildersnake. But Azura wasn't fazed. 'Do not underestimate me, Gildersnake!' she said. 'For I am the Good Witch Azura, warrior of peace! Now eat this, sucka!'"

"Wow! So cool!" said Azura.

"It really is, isn't it?" said Luz as Stringbean went back to normal. "Anyway, I brought in real snakes for the demonstration, since I wanted to prove to your abuela I could apply myself." She paused for a few seconds and a sheepish look appeared on her face. "Now I will begrudgingly admit that bringing live snakes into a Human Realm school wasn't the smartest decision, but I think everyone overreacted. They all hated me, after all."

"They did?" asked Azura, shocked.

Luz nodded. "Yeah, I wasn't the most popular kid back then, but that's all in the past now. School management was getting tired of me because of these repeated 'incidents'". She made quotes in the air.

"Incidents?"

"It was mostly minor stuff, like putting sausages in my dress to represent guts or having my griffin diorama spit spiders from its mouth," said Luz.

Azura was confused. "But griffins do have spider breath."

Luz chuckled a little. "Yeah, but they didn't know that. I don't even know how I knew that, to be perfectly honest."


"Wait, stop, time out," said Dratina. "What do you mean humans don't think griffins breathe out spiders!? Puddles does that twice a day at least!"

"Yeah, I didn't understand either," said Azura. "It's such an obvious fact."


"So those 'incidents' made your abuela sign me up for Reality Check summer camp: a place for kids to learn how to be normal citizens. Vee and Masha say it wasn't actually that bad, but that's beside the point." Luz sighed. "I won't lie. I was mad at Mom at first, since it felt like she was rejecting me for who I was. Like, the only person who genuinely cared about me suddenly made me feel unwanted. But eventually I found out that the school guilt-tripped Mom into doing it because she was bullied in high school and she didn't want me to be in the same boat forever."

"This school sounds so horrible," said Azura.

"Yeah, but I grew to tolerate it. After Belos and all that stuff, high school was pretty okay."


"HOW DARE ANYONE MAKE LUZ FEEL UNWANTED!" Syl always gets mad when someone insults or badmouths the savior of the Isles.

"It's not my grandma's fault!" exclaimed Azura. "Blame Mami's old school!"

"I am blaming the school!" shouted Syl. "How about when we finish hearing this story, we find those crummy school people and teach them a lesson?"

"Ooh, sounds fun," said Peony.

"Count me in," said Julie. She turned to Luna. "Your parents met at Reality Check Camp, right? Do they ever talk about it?"

Luna gave a so-so gesture. "They mention it sometimes but not often."


"When the day came for me to go to camp, Mom asked me to set my beloved fantasy worlds aside so I could make some real friends. I took my beloved Azura book and put it in the trash can before she drove away." Luz could tell her daughter was about to yell, so she stopped her before she could say anything. "Of course I wasn't really gonna throw it out. But when I turned back to the trash, the book wasn't there. Instead, an owl grabbed it and put it in his sack.

"Owlbert!"

"That's right," said Luz. "Owlbert ran away with my book and I followed him into that cabin we own in the woods. It used to be really old and abandoned before we spruced it up. I went through the portal and found myself in a weird tent, and that's when I saw Eda for the first time."

"Was she selling Human Realm trash?" asked Azura. She had heard stories of what Eda did before becoming headmaster of the University of Wild Magic.

"You got it," said Luz. She chuckled a little. "Eda didn't really know what the stuff she sold was. I saw her toss away gold and jewels like they were nothing. Anyway, I snatched the book and tried to run back the way I came but Eda closed the portal before I could make it. I got scared and ran out of the tent, and that's when I realized I wasn't in Connecticut anymore."'

"I bet you freaked out," said Azura.

"Yeah, I kind of thought I was in Hell for a few seconds. But then Eda caught up with me and tried to sell me some of her goods. She said detergent was candy and an old CRT was a 'shadow box that reflects only sadness.'" A fond smile appeared on Luz's face. "Classic Eda…"

"What's a CRT?"

Luz blinked. That was not a question she expected, but she probably should have. "Well it's—"


"I know what that is!" exclaimed Hal. "They're really old human versions of crystal balls!"


"—kind of like boxy versions of crystal balls and the flat-screen TVs back in the Human Realm, just from before your time." Luz hummed in thought. "Mostly before my time too, now that I think about it. Well, I saw some batteries laying around and I put them in the TV, and suddenly everyone in the market wanted to buy from Eda's stand. I didn't know this at the time, but this was when your tía Vee snuck into the Human Realm. I didn't see her, but I wasn't exactly looking out for basilisks."


"Mom's good at sneaking into places in her true form," said Luna. "I've never beaten her at hide-and-seek."


"The fun didn't last long, though," said Luz. "An Emperor's Coven guard showed up to arrest Eda… and me too since being with her was a crime."

"Boo!" said Azura. "Boo Emperor's Coven!"

Luz ruffled Azura's hair again. "That's right, cariño. Boo to Belos and all he represents. Anyway, Eda flew us out of there safely and took us to the Owl House. I was like 'Hey, thanks. Can I go home now?' and she was like 'No, you have to help me with something first."

"Granny Eda kidnapped you!?" asked Azura.

"I prefer to see it as a surprise adoption." There was an awkward pause. "But yeah, she politely kept me here against my will for a couple of hours, but it's no big deal."


Everyone stared at Azura in disbelief.

"Did… she really call kidnapping 'surprise adoption'?" asked Lobo.

"I like it!" said Melody. "It sounds more fun that way!"


"Eda did kinda genuinely kidnap King though," said Luz in a way too casual manner.

Stringbean suddenly hissed at Luz.

Luz gasped. "Oh my Titan, you're right! I just gave away a spoiler! This is even worse than when an entire episode of Monster Slayer Academia was leaked online by iTunes!"

"What…?"

Luz turned back to Azura, embarrassed. "Oh, uh, don't worry about that. Okay, back to the story. We went to the Owl House and I met Hooty for the first time. I honestly didn't think he was all that special at first, but he grew on me. And then I met King! He cast a big shadow so I thought he was gonna be big and scary."

Azura giggled. "Uncle King? Scary? But he's so cute and fluffy!"

Luz giggled as well. "Yeah, and he just came out of the bath so he had a cute towel and a rubber duck, just like this."

Knowing what her owner wanted, Stringbean shapeshifted into a rubber duck shape. Azura her and gave her a hug. "So adorable!"

"Definitely. I immediately ran up and gave him a tight hug, He tried to squirm free, but I wasn't budging, until Eda yanked me away and explained the situation: King's crown of power was stolen by the Emperor's Coven and placed behind a barrier in the Conformatorium that no one with magic could pass through."

"Boo, Conformatorium!" shouted Azura. "Also, King had a crown?"

"Eh, you'll see," said Luz. "Eda said that if I help get King's crown, she'll let me go back to the Human Realm. She also made it clear that I didn't really have a choice in the matter. She literally picked me up and carried me out of the house."


"I'm still shocked Aunt Luz was so casual about being kidnapped," said Peony.

"But Peony," said Lobo, "didn't Papa kidnap Mom and Uncle Gus and Tina and Mel's moms the day they all met? They never make a big deal about that."

"Yeah… well…" Peony stopped to think about that for a moment. "Hmm…"


"So we made it to the Conformatorium and Eda said she'd cause a distraction while King and I sneak into the top of the tower. I asked if I needed a disguise and I showed off my adorable cat hoodie. Ooh, lemme get it!" Luz quickly got up and ran upstairs, leaving Azura and Stringbean.

Azura held the Palisman up in front of her. "Wow, this is a great story so far! But you won't show up until the very end, right?"

Stringbean gave an affirmative nod. Azura couldn't directly understand her, but the young witch had learned to recognize the snake-shifter's mannerisms.

Luz quickly returned, wearing her old cat hoodie over her shirt. "It doesn't really fit anymore, but I can still do this." She put her hood up, showing the cat ears. "Meow meow."

Azura giggled again.

Luz smiled and took the hoodie off, putting it aside. "One of these days, that'll be your adorable cat hoodie. Anyway, King and I snuck in and found the prison cells. I befriended some people who were arrested for dumb things that thankfully aren't considered crimes anymore. Katya wrote fanfics about food falling in love, which is not even that bad! Have you seen some of the stuff people write online!? And then there was Tinella Nosa (aka Tiny Nose), who was shouting some conspiracy theories but she wasn't dangerous, not like that idiota Jacob. And then there was Khyyl, who's only crime was eating his own eyeballs, which grew back anyway! I mean, what happened to Kata and Tinella was unfair, but at least they actually did stuff! Why would the eyeballs thing even be illegal in the first place!?"

Luz stopped to catch her breath and noticed Azura staring at her. "Sorry, went on a tangent there."


"Wow," said Dratina.

"Papa once mentioned some of the dumb things that used to be illegal, but I assumed he was exaggerating," said Peony.

"I bet coughing in public was the worst crime of them all," said Hal.


"I got really upset because they weren't criminals, they were just weirdos like me. I tried to free them but my weak nerd arms couldn't budge the lever."

"Weak nerd arms?" asked Azura, confused. "But everyone says you're surprisingly strong."

Luz shrugged. "I guess I got stronger over time. Warden Wrath showed up not too long after and took Tinella out of her cell to torture her. I hid with King so he didn't see us, but even if he did I doubt I could've stopped him. It was the first of many times I felt powerless in a magical world."

Azura gasped. "You? Powerless?"

"Yeah," said Luz. "I bet it seems hard to believe."


"She's right! I don't believe it!" exclaimed Syl.


"I was bullied for my interests, but these people had it even worse." Luz sighed. "That really affected me. I just didn't understand why everyone thought being weird was bad. But then Eda showed up again and took us to the contraband room. There was a huge cylinder of light protecting everything the coven stole. Honestly, most of it was just trash washed in by a Garbage Slug, but right at the top was King's crown, a cardboard crown from Burger Queen."

Azura gasped again. "That's just like the one you got me last year!"

"Yeah, that was King's idea," said Luz. "Anyway, he got all giddy when I gave him the crown and declared a plush rabbit was now his minion Francois. Eda privately explained to me that yes, the crown didn't actually give him powers, but he thought it did." Luz noticed Stringbean giving her a look. "And I'm not gonna say anything more about that because spoilers!"

"Ooh.." said Azura. "What happened next?"

"Eda said that she and King two of them didn't really have anyone else in the world, so as long as he thought that crown gave him powers, she would get it for him. Us weirdos had to stick together. Then without warning, Warden Wrath showed up and sliced Eda's head off."

"WHAT!?"

"But she was fine. Her body parts can detach thanks to her curse."

Azura let out a sigh of relief. "Oh yeah, I forgot."

"I definitely freaked out though," said Luz. "And Eda acted like that was a normal thing for witches for way too long."


"Being able to detach body parts like that would be cool," said Julie.

"What are you talking about!? You'd be cursed!" exclaimed Dratina.

"Yeah, but the curse comes with a free harpy form!" Julie replied. "Who wouldn't want that?"

Everyone else at the table had to agree with her point.

"Sounds fun!" said Melody.


"It turns out Warden Wrath stole the crown on purpose to get Eda's attention. Now that she came, he didn't need it anymore, so he ripped it off of King's head and crumpled it."

"He's a meanie!" said Azura.

"Oh, it gets worse," said Luz. "He didn't want to arrest Eda, he wanted to date her!"

Azura's jaw dropped so much that it's a shock she didn't dislocate it.


"Eww!" shouted everyone.

"I think nowadays you can get beat up for suggesting dating the Owl Lady," Hal muttered. "At least according to the gossip my dad hears at the university."


A disgusted look appeared on Luz's face. "Yeah, he picked up Eda's head and started saying this garbage about how he loved that she always evaded capture, and that together they could be the strongest power couple in the world." She shuddered at the thought. "I hated everything he was saying so much. It's honestly a shock his son ended up being a really nice guy."

"Did Granny Eda spit in his face?"

Luz smirked. "You bet she did! Wrath stopped to wipe the spit off his mask, and I used that as an opportunity to bonk him with Eda's staff. I grabbed her head and her body grabbed King, and we flew away. On the way out, we passed by those cells and I asked Eda to help me pull the levers. After that, we made it out of the building but we didn't make it very far before Wrath caught up and knocked us down. At that point, Eda finally put her head back on and gave me the portal key. She told me to just go back to the Human Realm and just leave them there. And without any warning she shoved me on her staff and sent me flying."

"What? Why would she do that?" asked Azura.

"I'm not sure," said Luz. "I mean, I get why she wanted me to leave since she wasn't attached to me yet and I fulfilled my end of the bargain. But she could've just opened the portal and shoved me through. Instead, she got rid of her staff and her source of money at the same time." She paused in thought for a moment. "Eh, she would've found another way to get by. Eda's awesome like that."

Stringbean hissed again.

"Good thought, Beanie," said Luz. "Eda might've stolen your block of Palistrom early and carved herself a new Palisman. Anyway, I managed to get Owlbert under control and I saw the freed prisoners— they were just peering outside the hole in the wall. They weren't even gonna try to escape 'cause they were convinced they belonged there."

"That's sad…" muttered Azura.

Luz nodded. "It was. Luckily I managed to raise their spirits. I said that doing things differently just makes them special, and it was wrong for them to be punished for being who they are. And it worked!"


"Yeah! Being weird is awesome!" said Hal.

"While that is true," said Peony, "being 'weird' is so mainstream now that it's more weird to be normal."

"Now that is weird," said Azura.


"The four of us rushed outside to fight Wrath. He was about to finish off Eda and King, but the prisoners knocked him down and tied him up. He had nowhere to run when I pulled a firecracker out of my backpack and sent it right into his mouth! He ran away in defeat, because he couldn't face the might of the good witch Luz, warrior of peace!"

Azura clapped and cheered. "Hooray! Hooray for Mami!"

"Thanks," said Luz. "I did pretty good considering I had absolutely no idea what I was doing."


Syl clapped and cheered even more than Azura did. "That's because she's so talented!"

"Are we gonna ignore that she would've taken fireworks with her to camp?" said Julie.

"You say that as if Uncle Ed hasn't taught you how to make them yourself," said Azura.

Julie looked away, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

"You have some on you right now, don't you?" said Peony.

Julie blushed with embarrassment. "Maybe…"


"When we got back to the Owl House, I tore the crown off of my Azura figurine and gave it to King. He still needed a crown, after all."

Azura nodded. "Of course."

"Eda opened the portal again and I was about to step through, but I stopped to look at my Azura book, and that's when it clicked that I finally had the chance to learn magic and become a witch like her! I'd much rather spend my summer on the Boiling Isles than at boring summer camp. Eda was pretty dismissive of the idea at first— no one thought humans could do magic after all. But I was determined and promised Eda I would do whatever she wanted if she taught me magic. Also, King said I could make them snacks." Luz chuckled a little. "Well, at the very least Eda figured having an extra person at the house would be useful, so she let me stay. When I crushed her in a big hug, she acted like she had no idea what hugs were."

"That's sad…" said Azura.

"Yeah, it is," said Luz in a somber tone. "Eda had closed herself off from the world for so long that she thought pretending would be a way to avoid physical affection." She suddenly perked up. "Luckily I managed to get her out of that mindset."

"Yeah, she gives the best hugs now," said Azura.

"Ain't that the truth," said Luz. "Anyway, it was getting pretty late, so I set up my sleeping bag in a side room in the house and laid down. And King wanted to sleep next to me on my 'sleep cocoon'."

"Awww!"

Mom texted me, asking how camp was, and I said I was gonna like it there." She sighed again. "I didn't really think this through. If Vee wasn't there, the camp definitely would've contacted Mom and I would've been found out. And it's definitely not the first time on my adventure I would do something without thinking of the consequences." Luz suddenly perked up. "And that serves as the perfect segue into the next episode of my story!"


This is gonna be a wild ride, especially as more characters get involved and the show gets more complex.

Hope you enjoy!