A/N: Hello! Here is the next installment in our epic saga After the Sunset. This chapter is told in 1st person from Grissom's POV. Throughout the story chapters will alternate between 3rd and 1st person. Thank you for taking the time to read our little story and we do hope you leave a review as it makes our day.

The definition of existence is the fact or state of existing; the continuance or maintenance of life especially in adverse circumstances. Existing, this is an apt description of my life pre and post Sara Sidle.

Before I let her in I was merely existing. I had convinced myself that I was living a fulfilling life but who was I kidding? With her life took on a whole new meaning. Sights and sounds had never been more beautiful. Even the job that I loved wasn't my top priority anymore. I was no longer making it through my days, praying the hours would speed by leaving me in a state of oblivion. Once Sara entered my life I finally started to live. I treasured every moment trying desperately to squeeze more time out of each second I spent with her.

It was like my whole life before her I'd been living in a cold fog. I couldn't see well and I was constantly shivering but I'd adapted to that bleak existence. Sara is the opposite, she is the very definition of warmth. Spend two minutes in her presence and it's like the sun has come out to shine just on you. When she loves you the fog lifts, the sun shines, the birds sing, bees buzz. Life is spectacular when you are loved by her and that's why everyone around her has such an affinity for her. It was easy to see why Greg fell for her or why Warrick and Nick were so protective of her. Easy to see why I could never shut her out completely.

While I loved her with every fiber of my being there was always this nagging doubt, the devil on my shoulder, that would tell me she deserved better. That she didn't need me. When I arrived in Costa Rica I laughed at that devil, "See! She needs me! She wants me!"

After she went back to Vegas, the devil reared its ugly head again. The doubts started creeping in. She was redeeming herself. Getting back a piece of herself she thought she'd lost when she left suddenly. Sara was thriving and who was I to hold her back? If I had been honest and let her know how I truly felt she would have been honest right back. I would have known then that Vegas was never more important to her than I was and she too was more important than any government funded dig.

I let her go thinking I was truly doing what was best for her and in the end we both suffered for my stupidity. I will regret leaving her for the rest of my life but my heart swells seeing her succeeding. Walking into the lab after so much time was surreal. More so because seeing her made me realize what I tried to forget, I was still hopelessly in love with this beautiful woman and that was never going to change.

Spending those few days with her was the most delicious torture. Just being near her again was beyond my wildest dreams. She was never more beautiful and I only wish I'd had the guts to tell her 3 years ago what I now knew. No one would ever take her place in my heart.

So my penance was to continue to spend my days as a lonely whale out on the ocean calling after her in a note she couldn't hear. I couldn't tell her I'd made a mistake because I truly feared that she'd moved on and my heart couldn't handle the rejection.

When she told me she hoped I found what I was looking for, I wanted to scream that I had with her, but she was thriving professionally and I couldn't take that away from her. What? So she could join a lonely man on his boat chasing fish poachers while dodging harbor police? What kind of life would that be for a woman as amazing as Sara Sidle?

I told Heather that I would love her and miss her for the rest of my life. She was truly my best friend. Sara had always restored my faith in humanity, and all of that was indeed true. After everything she'd been through, everything she'd seen, she was still the most loving and trusting human being I'd ever met. If you want to be humbled, just spend 5 minutes in Sara's presence. Then you'll understand how no one could ever be as wondrous as this woman.

All those years ago when Sara asked me to dinner. She wanted to see what would happen, but I already knew what would happen. I knew it would be amazing, incredible, wonderful and any other adjective you could throw in. I didn't wonder if we'd be good together. No, I always wondered how long before she realized she deserves someone better than me?

So with a heavy heart I boarded a plane back to San Diego. I closed my eyes trying to fend off the advances of my nosy neighbor who insisted on talking to me the whole flight. Once we landed, I trudged my way through the airport and up the docks, wearily making my way onto the Ishmael. I just needed to get back out onto the ocean. I needed solitude. I needed to not be around people so I didn't constantly stop breathing every time I thought I saw her. I need peace and the ocean was the only refuge I knew where I could try and find some.

There is an old saying, "If you want something very, very badly, let it go free. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with." I guess that's how I viewed my relationship with Sara. I had set her free 3 years ago and I guess I just had to be grateful for the years I did have with her. I will treasure those in this life and the next.

Being back on board my boat, I realized that my solitude was close at hand. I just need to cast off and then I'd be one with the ocean again. I was undoing the last of my lines when I did a double take. Surely my brain was deceiving me. A mirage brought on by seeing Sara for the first time in years. But as the 'mirage' got closer I realized it really was Sara. When she boarded the boat my breath caught in my chest. I couldn't move until she smiled. Warmth spread through my whole body, the sun had returned to my life dispelling the fog. As I pulled her into my arms I realized that I no longer had to be content simply existing and I could finally start living again.