11th Grade, High School
Age: 16-17
January 2009
…
Spinelli is long gone by the time Vince turns from his spot in the yard and starts heading into the house. He doesn't feel great. Even though he has his phone back and he and Spinelli both aired some grievances between them, his gut still churns. Back at Third Street, when the two of them would inevitably fight over something – usually something stupid like their participation in a plan that TJ concocted or what activity to do that recess – saying 'I'm sorry' washed everything away.
But now he just feels conflicted. While he is sorry that he didn't help more, he knows that he would have if he had known all the details. He isn't that terrible of a person that he wouldn't be able to put his own annoyance to the side if he had realized what was really going on behind the scenes, right? But no one told him all the details and he isn't a mind reader. How was he supposed to know that she was being bullied? TJ and Gretchen never mentioned it and Spinelli is one of the most popular girls in school, how would he know to expect that?
But, of course, over the last few months, Spinelli has had a sort of fall from grace at school. There have been so many rumors about her absences and people whisper behind their hands when they see her in the hallway. She has stopped playing sports and doing any afterschool activities. She has become sort of a recluse.
But all of this is reading between the lines. It can't be his fault that he didn't see it.
Besides, if Gretchen or TJ were that concerned, they would have told him. Right? He can't be that unimportant that neither of them would mention it if they felt he could have helped. If he is always second to Spinelli anyway, they should have had no problem coming up to him to insist he helped them out in protecting her.
Unless the two of them were slowly distancing themselves from him for some reason. Maybe they both saw the tension growing between him and Spinelli and decided that it wasn't worth it to try to get him to help. They figured it would be easier not to, to just enlist Gus and Mikey rather than him, and so maybe he was the only person in the group not to know all the details. And, if that's the case, he's angry with the whole group for not bringing it up. What were they going to do – just distance themselves until they booted him out of the group completely? Suddenly by senior year he's just standing off to the side, watching the five of them sit together at lunch, laughing, as if he was never there?
"Vince?"
He stops and looks up, not realizing he had been pacing in the living room. Chad stands in the doorway, a frozen pizza in his hand and a frown on his face.
"Dad said he's going to be late, so I wanted to see if you were hungry," his brother says, lifting up the box as evidence. "But, are you okay?"
Vince swallows his thoughts and bites the tip of his tongue. The whirlwind of emotion flutters in his gut, almost threatening to explode if he opens his mouth. He tries to take a deep breath to ground himself, not wanting to look like an absolute mess in front of Chad, but it doesn't work. Instead, he sucks in a breath, audible to both the boys in the room, and Chad's frown deepens with concern.
He watches as his brother sets the pizza down on the coffee table and takes a seat on the couch. Chad pats the spot next to him but Vince continues to stand, unwilling to move closer as his entire body buzzes with uncertainty.
Chad has always been the person that Vince could talk to about anything. Their parents, while loving, were strict and while Vince was always eager to please them, he was just as eager not to disappoint them. And, in the inevitable situation where he did just that, Chad was always there to let him mope. After he was grounded for going to see NitWitz 3, he went to Chad's room and collapsed on his brother's bed, complaining. His brother just sat and listened before offering advice. Then, in sixth grade, Vince had snuck out of the house with TJ and Spinelli on a dare from Lawson. They had been caught trespassing in the cemetery by one of Mr. Spinelli's cop friends who was on duty that night and he had driven the three kids home in the back of his cruiser as punishment.
His parents had been furious and Chad had been the one later that night to explain exactly why their mother had looked so scared. By the next day, when his parents had sat him down on the same couch Chad currently sits on to explain why they had reacted the way they did, that he had been lucky it was Mr. Spinelli's friend who was the cop that caught them, how he had to behave differently than TJ and Spinelli in certain situations, Chad had already had the conversation with him.
Chad has always played a much bigger role in Vince's life than some of his friends' siblings. Chad is his wise older brother, his confidante, his protector. And, while they don't always see eye-to-eye, he is someone that Vince trusts with the most vulnerable parts of himself.
"I don't know how I feel," he says finally.
Chad nods and leans his elbows on his knees, showing his focus on Vince and whatever he has to say next.
Vince doesn't know where to start. Telling Chad about the paint incident without any context as to why Vince didn't want to help makes him look terrible. So, he thinks back further. When exactly did he start to get annoyed? When did everything start to change? But he can't pinpoint a specific moment or reason.
"I don't know if Spinelli and I are friends anymore."
The words feel dramatic coming from his lips, but when he thinks about immediately refuting the statement, recalling it because it can't possibly be right, he can't seem to summon the words. He glances at Chad, expecting him to blow off the statement, but his brother just sits on the couch, waiting for Vince to elaborate.
"Everything she does annoys me so much. Growing up, it did too. You know, when she whined about things not going her way or acted like a brat, but now it doesn't matter if it's legitimate or not. It annoys me," he says.
Without taking a breath, he just continues to let the words he would never say to any of his other friends flow from his lips.
"And I know that's not fair. I've let things fester," he says. "So, part of it's on me too, but now…it's different. Everything revolves around her. It's like none of the rest of us matter."
Chad nods his head and when Vince doesn't continue, he says, "Or that's how it seems."
Vince feels himself straightening his shoulders as he takes a slight step back.
"Whose side are you on?"
"I'm playing devil's advocate for you."
"I don't need a devil's advocate," he huffs. "I need someone to agree with me."
Chad sighs and Vince crosses his arms, unhappy with his brother's response.
"Okay," Chad says. "Does it concern you that you're not friends with her anymore?"
"Of course!" Vince exclaims, wondering how Chad couldn't understand. "Her best friends are my best friends. We're part of the same group. She used to be one of my best friends. If nothing else, it makes everything so awkward and uncomfortable."
"Well, I figured I'd ask because people change and sometimes they change in ways that don't fit together the same way anymore," Chad tells him. His brother shrugs his shoulders. "And sometimes it doesn't matter that much when it happens."
"None of us have changed that much," Vince grumbles.
But even as he says it, he knows that isn't the truth. Not even an hour ago, Spinelli was sitting on his porch and in that moment he couldn't believe the person in front of him was the same girl he used to mess around with on the playground. He and Spinelli had been in competition with each other, each wanting to be TJ's right hand, since kindergarten. They had always antagonized each other, but in a way that made the other stronger. Somewhere along the line that changed. The good-natured antagonism had turned to annoyance and frustration.
"I guess, maybe I just miss how it used to be," he mumbles.
Chad nods his head, clearly thinking about what to say next. He opens his mouth a few times, shutting it and debating his next phrase as Vince waits to hear his brother's thoughts.
"Vinny, I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible," Chad finally starts with, sighing before he continues. "I think you hold people to impossible expectations."
Vince's eyebrows furrow and he can feel his eyes narrow as Chad finishes his statement.
"And I think part of it is because you hold yourself to such high standards that you want everyone else to as well." Chad shrugs. "But sometimes it's hard for the rest of us to keep up."
Vince feels his jaw drop. Chad is at Stanford majoring in engineering physics with straight As. His ideal situation would be to stay at Stanford and complete his PhD in aeronautics and astronautics, then go work for NASA. His brother is a genius. Sure, Vince is talented on the playing field and has some lofty dreams for himself, but it has nothing on Chad.
"Hard to keep up?" Vince exclaims. "Chad, you're my idol."
Chad shakes his head, looking over Vince's shoulder as if lost deep in thought. Vince glances behind him to see if Chad is looking at something, but all he sees is a wall of photographs and windows to the outside. Nothing of any importance that would steal Chad's attention. When Vince turns back around, Chad speaks again.
"Do you remember when you were little and you woke the whole house up for a week straight because you were having nightmares that I wasn't 'cool'?"
He puts air quotes around cool as he speaks.
Vince shakes his head and crosses his arms. He does vaguely – the nightmares themselves more than the actual situation. "You would scream too if you had giant pocket protectors chasing you."
Chad gives him a small chuckle and a pitying smile.
"You had this rigid idea of who I was and when that was contradicted, it was hard for you to cope with it," Chad says. "I wonder if maybe this is kind of the same thing?"
"I've never held Spinelli up on a pedestal," Vince scoffs.
"No," Chad concedes. "But maybe you had an idea of her and when she didn't fit into the mold the way you expected, your attitude changed?"
Chad shrugs.
"Or maybe I'm wrong," he continues. "I don't know your relationship, but I do know that when I was around all the time, I saw her and TJ more than I saw any of your other friends. Now, when I come home for breaks, I see more of Gretchen than I see of either of those two."
"That's because she and TJ started dating and…"
Vince trails off.
"So, this is all my fault?"
"I'm not saying that," Chad says. He stands from the couch and takes the pizza box off the table, the cardboard now starting to morph as it thaws. "Next year, you're going to graduate and your relationships, if you want to keep them, are going to take a lot of effort. It's not impossible, but it takes work. And it seems like maybe you're starting to see that already."
Vince bites the inside of his cheek.
"It's just like any skill, it takes effort and hard work, and sometimes even with the best of intentions, it doesn't work out," Chad says. "But I would suggest, if you actually want to continue to be friends, both of you have to start putting in some work. Just being in the same friend group, like you said, doesn't make you friends like it does in elementary school. It makes you acquaintances."
"You sound like you're talking from experience," Vince says.
Chad nods his head. "It happens to everyone. Not every friend is meant to be your friend forever."
"That sucks," Vince says.
"Change isn't easy, but change is life," Chad says. "You just have to learn how to adapt to it."
Vince follows Chad into the kitchen, sitting at the table while Chad begins to preheat the oven. He leans his head on his hand as he thinks about what Chad had said. Maybe his friendship with Spinelli isn't over, but maybe it is just different than it used to be. Maybe they're both different people now that they're older. It would make sense, considering her reactions and behaviors still annoy him.
And, yes, maybe he let his jealousy fester longer than he should have.
…
Vince shuts his locker door and starts heading to the cafeteria. He had a brief meeting with Mr. Dudikoff, walking with Gretchen to her locker before she headed to the cafeteria with the rest of their friends and he headed to the Dude. It was a quick meeting, just to go over some dates and to see if Vince needed any assistance moving forward. Spinelli was absent again and Vince doesn't know if the Dude knew why or if he just assumed that she was out sick with the stomach bug going around, but regardless he offered Vince as much help as he needed.
Vince declined. He knows the Ashleys insisted on him running on the grounds that they could plan Junior Prom and the four girls have already begun brainstorming ideas for fundraisers. Even if Spinelli didn't come back to school at all, Vince would be fine. In fact, Vince is merely president in name only. The Ashleys are truly the ones running the show.
He turns the corner and can hear high-pitched girl laughter coming from one of the classrooms. The cafeteria at their school is small and often kids will find empty classrooms to eat in, pulling the desks and tables together to chat. It almost sounds like the Ashleys, so he pokes his head in. Maybe he can briefly let them in on what he just talked about with Dudikoff.
But it isn't the Ashleys. It's the Megans.
The four girls are sitting together at the desks of the earth science classroom, giggling over their lunches. He shakes his head and starts to head back out. He should've known. The Ashleys wouldn't be caught dead eating lunch in a classroom. It's unofficially known that the popular underclassmen eat in the cafeteria, with all of the seniors sitting on picnic tables outside or, in the warmer months, finding spots in the grass. The Ashleys have their own table, one that they've sat at every day since freshman year.
So why he even walked in thinking it was them is beyond him.
As he steps out, he overhears one of the girls' cackles above the rest.
"And she's not here today either," the girl says, giggling. "Maybe she won't ever come back!"
He stands in the doorway and groans. They're talking about Spinelli. They have to be – who else? No one else is around. The four girls think they have the room to themselves, none of them having seen him. Or, if they have, none of them think to quiet down.
Vince blows out a breath. He could walk out of the room and no one would know. He could just completely forget about it. Ignore what he heard. Pretend he didn't hear anything. Be none the wiser.
But he is wiser. He knows what the girls did and have done. He knows that eventually they'll do something like that again. And, while he doesn't understand what Spinelli is going through, he knows that she is vulnerable in a way he hadn't expected. He knew it last year, even if he didn't admit it to himself, and he definitely knows it now. Last year, he didn't do anything. This year, he still hasn't, but he has a chance right now.
He closes his eyes and blows out a breath through his teeth, making his decision.
He takes a step further into the room. The noise of his footfalls alerts the girls, who all turn to face him, immediately shuttering their giggles.
"Oh, hey," he says, with a slight wave. "Overheard you laughing and thought it was the Ashleys."
The girls smirk, almost as if they're flattered they've been compared to the Ashleys, and shrug him off.
"Oh, like, it's fine, Vince," one of them says. He doesn't know which one is which. He never really needed to know. None of them joined the student senate and they don't travel in the same pacts as him. "It's good to see you!"
The other three nod their head in agreement and as he takes them in, it startles him to realize how similar they look to everyone else. They could be any group of girls, smiling his way. They don't appear outwardly mean or heinous in any way. There would be no way of knowing what they've done or what they're capable of doing, hiding behind their glossy lips and zip-up logo hoodies from Abercrombie and Hollister.
He takes another step forward.
"Before I go, I just wanted to talk to you girls for a minute," he says, keeping a distance but moving close enough to try to make his point.
The girls' eyes all widen and the two to the left of the group glance between each other, all four smiling coyly.
"I know about the paint," he says.
If the girls had seemed excited by his presence before, they don't anymore. Their faces drop to neutral expressions. Three of the girls turn to one Megan, clearly the leader, and the girl crosses her arms. She looks at him defiantly.
"What paint?" she asks innocently.
"The paint in the auditorium," he tells her. "And I know that it's not an isolated incident. That this has been going on for a while."
Megan's face remains neutral, the only sign of distress in the slight downturn of the corners of her mouth. The other three keep their eyes on her, each of them visibly more distressed than their friend.
"I just wanted to let you know that if I hear that you so much as talked about her, much less bully or harass her, again, I will personally see to it that the rest of your high school experience is as miserable as you've made hers," he says, keeping his voice even keeled. "Is that clear?"
Head Megan keeps her back straight and her shoulders back, staring at Vince for a long moment. Her three friends watch her nervously, not one of them willing to speak until the first girl responds. It's almost a full minute, an agonizing amount of time to stand in silence, but Vince doesn't move and neither does the Megan. Finally, she grunts.
"Of course," she murmurs. "Crystal clear."
"Great," he says, not wanting to waste any more of his lunch on the feud between the Megans and Spinelli. "Have a good rest of your lunch."
He turns around and leaves the room. The Megans, if they've started talking again, have done so much more quietly, their conversation not echoing into the hallway. He sighs and shakes his head.
He knows that part of the show was self-preservation. When Spinelli ultimately tells TJ and Gretchen about the paint, and his part in it comes to light, at least he has this as a fallback plan. But, also, Chad's words play in the back of his head. He still cares about Spinelli even if he isn't as close to her as he was before. Even if he thinks she plays the victim sometimes and is a total brat in others, he doesn't want her to get hurt.
He hears shuffling and looks around the hall. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Randall slink out from behind a set of lockers near the door Vince just walked out of, clearly having been listening. The other boy gives Vince a little nod and then turns the other way so as not to interact any more.
Vince shakes his head at the weird interaction and continues down the hallway a few strides before stopping. He reaches for his phone and types out a text message.
Hey. Talked to the Megans. Discreetly. You won't have to worry about them again. I promise.
He reads it over three times before pressing send. He isn't sure if Spinelli will text him back or what he's expecting her to say when she does. A simple thanks. Nothing at all. A smiley face. He stuffs it back in his pocket and continues toward the cafeteria. She might not even have her phone on her. Maybe her parents drove her to Little Rock for a rushed appointment. He has no idea.
The cafeteria is abuzz with students and he feels like he's walking through a fog. The kids at the tables talk and laugh and converse amongst each other as if nothing is wrong. The most riveting piece of gossip is how fast the stomach bug is flooding through the hallways. As he approaches his own table, he takes his typical seat between TJ and Gretchen, and nods at the only missing chair.
"Still absent?" he asks, as if he didn't already know.
TJ nods. "Yeah, I guess I gave it to her," he says with a shrug. Then he nods to Vince. "Don't be surprised if you're out tomorrow."
Gretchen gives a short chuckle. "Oh, didn't you know? Vince doesn't get sick," she says, giving Vince a teasing smile as she brings up their conversation from the day before.
But Vince doesn't smirk and tease her back. He glances at the empty seat. Is she really sick or did she just make it up to avoid telling the rest? Clearly TJ doesn't know about the paint and, if he does, he doesn't know how Vince responded.
"Wait, you're not contagious any more, right?" Gus asks from across the table, backing up a little.
Vince shakes out of it and turns to Gus. "You're already sunk, dude. You spent half the day sitting with Spinelli in class."
"Maybe I should chug some vitamin C?"
The rest of the table chuckles and Vince feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He debates pulling it out, but doesn't want to risk TJ or Gretchen seeing what Spinelli has sent back. So, instead, he waits until they all stand to go, pulling up the rear of the group and yanking his phone out of his pocket.
Thanks. It can be our secret.
He reads it and then puts his phone away. Spinelli had told him yesterday that TJ and Gretchen know most of it and she said the other day that the Megans hadn't done anything to her during school. So, he theorizes, she hasn't told the two about the paint. He tries to put himself in Spinelli's shoes for a minute and it's the first time that he can fully understand her reasoning. If he found out about what they did to her, TJ would go ballistic. The whole school would probably find out from him seeking revenge or wanting to teach the Megans a lesson. Vince, handling it the way he did, actually did Spinelli a favor. This whole situation can be just between them. A little bond between them maybe.
When he sits down in class, he quickly pulls his phone out again and hurriedly types out, Hope to see you back tomorrow :)
And, for the first time in a long time, he actually means it.
…
Notes:
Episodes referenced: Me No Know, Big Brother Chad
I struggled with this chapter, hence why it took so long to get out. I didn't want it to feel too preachy or for Vince to have this complete change of heart all of a sudden. The wounds these two have are pretty deep and it will take a while for them to recover, but I wanted it to end on a hopeful note. Maybe it's too much, but I wanted it to kind of play on that feeling of excitement when friends start to hash things out and you get some of the guilt off your chest. A rush of endorphins or what not.
We'll be in March 2009 next chapter. See you then!
