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Chapter 34: Escape from Faltheriel Part A Million
Oh, ho ho!
You got distracted by the whole mech suit thing, didn't you? You forgot about the Dwarf in the red suit. Well, as the Goblins say, have I got a deal for you!
It's about how I felt knocking on the door of Faltheriel Darkweaver's house later that day. We were really getting to the nail-biting edge of the holiday. The eve of Winter's Veil, and I was fitted out like an oily Goblin salesman. Not in a suit, but my nicest ceremonial leathers. Alessandre had already scouted the place, got a message through to me that Faltheriel would be out for some hours. That meant the highly intelligent Human wife of his, the double-agent, and also the trophy druid husband Faltheriel kept for some reason, they were both at home. Or, at least one of them was. For some reason, Al would not chance going in there himself. He refused to elaborate any further on his end. Know what my gut said? I suspected Al had very bad history with Faltheriel.
I'd get it out of him one of these days, if I survived. Along with his strange pantsless, how-I-met-my-wife Winter's Veil story he started to tell me that one time. Once upon a time, on a Winter's Veil in Stormwind long, long ago…
I knocked and then waited. It occurred to me only then that they might not be alone-alone on such an evening. What if they had staff? I wondered if they had a butler, at a mansion this size. And right on the street Anthene had in her note, too. The infamous Sun Street. Well, there were a lot of those, streets beginning with the word 'sun' in sunny-ass Quel'thalas. But this far out, almost on the border of the Ghostlands? If I had gone on the intel Anthene brought back then, here at the edge of the wilderness would have been the last place I ever checked.
A delay. I scarcely had time to wonder what was taking so long when suddenly, the door snatched open. A rather muscular Night Elf man looked down at me while grinning. Okay, I was slightly scared and uncomfortable, more than I realized I might be in this situation. I was dressed the part and had practically buttered my didn't-I-meet-you-before-Tauren self up, put myself on a platter for this lascivious idiot.
Three Night Elves during this adventure had tried that on me so far this mission. First, Al did it. But apparently he had memories fighting in the trenches with someone who was a Tauren long ago. Next, Illidan had tried to fling a Tauren bromance my way which was even more shocking than meeting Illidan Stormrage himself in the first place—but again, I felt it had some semi-professional leaning. Illidan also had history with druids. But when this big, green-haired, half-baked fool kept trying to hug me some days ago, I was instantly offended and ready to defend my honor, let's say, and knock Dannox out. My teeth were on edge. I cringed inside, hard. But this was also the chance Al and I were hoping for. Without staring overmuch, I discreetly tried to see if Dannox's pupils were dilated.
"I came by to—"
"Good evening." Dannox said in rather alluring way. Well, he cut me off. Of course, Dannox's deep and interesting voice had no effect on me, but seriously, it was getting me curious—err, confused! That man had way too much raw sexual energy, I swear it could rouse the dead.
Don't let Sylvanas ever find this one.
Or Nathanos, let's say.
I was escorted in, my flimsy excuse was wanting to apologize for the way I behaved before—read as, twisting my ankle, being drugged, then having my legs broken—but for the Night Elf today, we called it 'being so off the other day at Sunthraze's house, haha'. And that was all I needed to do apparently.
In the end, the real reason I got into the house was because I was in my Sunwalker leathers and this big Night Elf guy was seriously sizing me up.
Dannox wasn't drugged himself, by the way. Not on this eve of Winter's Veil. He had been seated on the couch with coffee when he invited me in, he said. And it looked it. Nothing too serious. A thick, well-read book open to a page about trees on the coffee table. How quaint. And the house, well it was a mansion, was impeccably tidy. Very tasteful and posh, even. I found myself hoping at least for a butler, if the wife really was out. Wouldn't have helped my investigation at all if there were more people in the house, but I swear I was getting more uncomfortable with this man by the minute.
Dannox kept this heady smile on his face. Like he was in a daydream. And then, he followed me about his own house, both of us wandering awkwardly for a bit before he remembered to offer me a seat and refreshments.
Ho, boy. This is also the part where I confess that I was wearing my Sunwalker stuff for this precise reason. I knew how Faltheriel and Dannox were. Or I sensed it. I had to be that good with reading people before I had to deal with them. And Mrs. Darkweaver was the same. I'll be direct, here. All freaks—not judging, but seriously, the stories I'd gleaned from the court while in Silvermoon and at the castle, because I did also ask. These three were into a lot of stuff, wedding vows were flexible. A bull-man dressed in leather was going to get a free pass inside of their home any day, as long as I didn't have too much pride. I'd have been stupid not to try for it and now we were going to see how far I was willing to go to get what I wanted.
Maybe this Greatfather Winter investigation started out like a joke, but we were at the point where Quel'thalas might go under if I didn't finally solve it. Hey, if girls can show a little leg…
Dannox perched on the couch arm and smiled down at me after I had a seat. For now, I pretended to be oblivious.
Who in their right mind would have ever guessed that Greatfather Winter himself was trapped in a closet over a ley line somewhere in this lovely, gods-forsaken home? But it was either here, or back at Faltheriel's house locked up with that eerie succubus wife of his. And she had some sort of sketchy Legion background. This place was closest, and most likely since Faltheriel was the one able to go to and from the castle and run discrete errands for Kael'thas any day, at any hour without anyone, most of all me, suspecting.
"So. How did you and your husband meet? I never did ask you that."
Dannox shrugged one big shoulder. He smiled so widely, his yellow eyes became slits. A kind of pleased, grinning cat look. "Oh, I don't know. I suppose it's not a bad word, and I guess that's all water under the bridge now anyway. You know, what happened back in Outland, with Kael'thas. And you'll have guessed by now that everyone here was once in deep shit up to their necks with it."
"Huh?"
"Legion. Faltheriel was in the Burning Legion. Trapped, stuck. It was mainly like a cult, you have to understand. But I was the handsome fellow who inspired Faltheriel to finally get out."
No thoughts. Only just… rage building. Behind my eyes, while I was unable to really see or do anything. This house, Faltheriel's house, was supposed to be the safer bet. Now, I was finding out that Kael'thas' own chief advisor, Faltheriel Darkweaver, had been in the Burning Legion at one point as well. So that made Kael'thas, also perhaps the succubus that hack Blood Knight healer Fennore was married to—because what the hell else would a succubus be doing around that time, and now also Faltheriel, all of them were once Legion agents.
"…he was just at the strip club to blow off steam. You wouldn't have known what he was really up to, he looked like any other Blood Elf. Then I saw him, and he was—is gorgeous. And I also saw all the money Faltheriel was spending around the place. Easy to see from up on stage."
"What." I was barely keeping up, and I think at first I thought something more genial was going to come out of my mouth. Instead, my tone was slightly horrified.
"I was stripping."
"You're a stripper."
"I was. Actually, I'm very good. I still am. It keeps me in shape. There's a pole and a whole studio downstairs."
My life. What happened to my simple, Mulgore life? Not long ago, it couldn't have been that long ago, right? All I had wanted for Winter's Veil was my porridge.
Then I remembered to keep it cool. Fitz was still working on my mech suit with his Gobbo boys so I couldn't whip out and go totally crazy on all these Elf mooks, yet. But soon. I told myself, soon.
I didn't drink anything this time, though I was offered some coffee. I ignored the invitation to a private show, oh how unsubtle it was! Instead, I took a fake look at Dannox the stripper's book.
"Trees have feelings. Did you know, they actually will not grow in competition with each other, if they are siblings or friends? Maybe it's the holiday or the stress, I don't know. But I just. I am so moved by this book."
Enough small talk.
"So…" alright, too easy, but try not to laugh, "Your husband isn't home?"
Sounds like Dannox didn't trust his voice, either. He cleared his throat, then made some polite gesture with his hand, that I should feel free to share whatever it was with him.
"Oh, but this might be confidential palace business, I'm not sure."
"No need to um, rush off, though? He should be home, soon."
"How long do we have?" I know, I'm terrible.
Dannox flinched, I think. He must have been checking in with himself to see if he kept hearing things correctly.
"Well, a few hours. He gets off work at five. As most people do."
Why was Dannox sort of hiding over there, at the edge of the couch, then? I put it together in a few moments. This Dannox fellow was trying to stay out of trouble. But that only meant he'd gotten into trouble with house guests before.
I moved to get more comfortable on the leather couch. It was the first one I think I'd ever had a seat on, in my whole life, I think. I mean, I'd heard of leather couches, but only mostly in Goblin Gentleman's Magazine. Honestly, their home looked more like a suave bachelor's pad than a place where a loving family and all their children lived.
"Oh. The kids are all on holiday with my parents. Winterspring."
"Lovely place. Especially this time of year."
A test to see if he could read my lies. I'm awful, like I said.
"Yes! You know, it's really better since Vanilla and they got rid of all the Furblogs in that tunnel. Well, you can walk through them, at least."
I wasn't sure if I was following the conversation anymore.
"This is awful I know… I shouldn't ask for this…"
Dannox's eyes sort of brightened then. Faltheriel must have wanted to kill him, and his wife would have wanted to plot Dannox's murder too, on several occasions before this one with me.
"It's such a lovely home. I'm recognizing things I've only seen in Goblin magazines."
"Like the couch, right?"
I patted the leather. It sounded like I smacked it, which I didn't expect nor intend. Dannox stood up and got rid of this longing look. I just barely saw him recover, become more tall and dashing—whatever Dannox perceived himself to be.
"…Would you like to take a tour of the house?"
"Oh, I really shouldn't—are you sure?"
"We can look into every single little cubby and closet if it pleases you."
And I was in.
"We'll start in the basement."
Of course. I should have seen that one coming. However, I'm leaving in this part of the story because it was actually very fascinating.
Keep in mind, some people flirt by asking. They make an offer as it were. They're up front about romantic interest, or they might make it clear that an offer was available. Tauren pickup lines work like that. I was more used to that style. Other people flirt by telling. Like a flower in a field that is a singular color, they aim to impress, even to dominate your senses and leave you no other release except to go to them and indulge. Dannox was clearly the second type.
Dannox seemed like the sort who had got through his life by picking up people who were all excited over how large or druid or handsome he was. I say that because I used to be the same way when I was younger. I'll admit that he was a cool-looking guy. And a cool guy, at that. I learned more about Dannox later during that tour, and he's not a total weirdo or anything. But, at first, since I was messing around with something I normally wouldn't bother with, because it'd make me far too uncomfortable…
He made me far too uncomfortable. Let's just say, there was a lot of telling going on.
In the basement, Dannox had some workout equipment set up. Weights, bars for pull-ups, that sort of thing. But then, there was a stage. And um, a couple polished poles on said stage. You know, dancing poles?
"It's great for exercise. This is top quality."
"You… Do you?"
"That's how he and I met, like I said. I got picked up, in the end. In a real way, not just some overnight thrill with Faltheriel. Some people who go to strip clubs buy dances. Faltheriel ultimately wanted to buy me." He shrugged, "It was an insane adventure for both of us."
"Wait—"
"Now I'd be really misbehaving if I demonstrated, so don't worry."
"Wait, where did this all go down—uh, happen again? In Shatthrath City?"
"In Kezan."
"At a Goblin strip club. In Kezan." Okay, me and the Fitz were going to have a big conversation about this later. I didn't know if I was overwhelmed with so many eerie details about Goblins wanting Night Elf strippers, or just damn fascinated.
"And you've clearly never been to Kezan if you doubt my words. All things are possible in Kezan."
"You'd be surprised. I do know a few lads in the Venture Co." I let out a low whistle. "It is wild, I'll tell ya."
Dannox gestured at another set of equipment. Barbells and a couple training dummies that were pretty well battered. "Turaho, I haven't found anything else that works out my core quite as well as dancing. I hear horseback riding can also do it. But I'm more of a Nightsaber guy."
"What? You're way off. Riding works out your glutes…"
In the end, it became jock-talk. I stayed on that safer topic all through Dannox being very macho and bragging about his exercise routine. It took some time for me to see it, and then when I did, I smiled. Faltheriel's wife was known to be a scribe, an unbiased Human woman respected among the Horde and the Alliance (especially in this strange, re-united Azeroth), such that she had a special status to even live in Silvermoon City. Dannox was a druid, a veteran of the Emerald Dream and had served with Malfurion, in fact. But the Darkweavers clearly weren't all work. Nobody was. Dannox was simply the fun one. To both of his serious, very hard-working spouses.
A part of me now hated to be messing with him. In a way, though he creeped me out, Dannox was sort of sweet.
"So, have you figured it out yet? I'm a trophy husband."
I finally let out a laugh, "I did pick up on that. And I assume you're proud of this. You seem proud."
Dannox grinned and shoved me playfully.
"I'm also very good at it." He arched an eyebrow at me, then offered to show me around upstairs.
Okay so, my palms sweated all over again. One of you crazy women out there reading is enjoying this. Aren't you?!
Anyway, the master bedrooms were wonderful. I can't lie about that. It was hard not to rummage around on the dressers or take a nap in the large comfy beds. Gods, I was so tempted.
"It's all goose down. Wanna try one—"
"No."
I had to remind myself that I was looking for Greatfather Winter's hiding place, not my next vacation spot.
"Mind if I check a closet? You did offer."
"Oh, hell yes!"
Me wanting to lock Saturna and myself in a closet a while back flashed through my mind. Fate was getting her revenge…
But Dannox was excited about something else. "Faltheriel's clothes are so fun to rifle through. And he has everything, almost everything. I never get to do this with anyone else. Come on…"
Dannox pulled out a few suits, held them up. I admit, they were pretty swank.
"He's so goddamn adorable. I make him buy things, you know. We go through all the new mags when they come in."
"The dirty mags?"
Dannox stopped short. He laughed, smiled knowingly, "Well… only the best. You know, Turaho…" Dannox set a few things back in the closet and then slid open a low drawer, squatted by it. "For a straight guy, you really do enjoy messing with me."
So I'd been caught out.
"No, it's fun. Don't stop."
Well, I was too embarrassed to keep going after that. I couldn't keep it up, because I was really flirting so poorly. And I also wondered what else Dannox had been expecting since he was able to see through me. What now?
