[Dedication] In memory of my mother. I love you, Mom. I miss you so much.
Mother Time V
A Fiveshot by Allison Illuminated
She sat seiza in the guest room, her hair bound in a tight bun which left her neck and her soul exposed. Quiet twilight fell upon the butsudan. Ranma curled her fingers in her lap, bowed her head, and took a moment of solace before the open doors, breathing deeply as she let herself be one with the world.
The match sparked easily between her deft fingers. Smoke trailed away in delicate curls from the newly lit incense stick, which sloped against the rim of the burner.
She exhaled.
"Hi, Mrs. Tendo," Ranma murmured, looking up at the photographic face of Noriko Tendo. Noriko's smile was fondly captured in the faded print. She looked kind. "Um. It's me again. Ranma, your daughter-in-law. Well, I guess the last time I introduced myself I said I was your son-in-law, but y'know…" Ranma managed a wry smile. "Funny how these things go, right?"
"I… We're doing well. Me and Akane. Real well." Ranma swallowed down a lump in her throat. "I bet you'd be real proud of her if you were here to see her, Mrs. Tendo. She's done so well. And Keiko is beautiful, and happy, and she took her first steps the other day, and-"
A tear dripped down onto her knuckles. Ranma smiled at her own folly, and raised a hand to swipe them away.
"Yeah. We're happy."
"It's funny. You wouldn't think that you could miss somebody you never met, and yet here I am, and I-" Smiling wider, she tried again. "It's like when we're waking Kei-chan up in the morning, and she's still sleepy and leaning against Akane's shoulder, and 'Kane's singing even though she ain't real good at it, and she turns in the right light, and I see you in her sometimes, you know?" Ranma asked. "She looks so happy in that peaceful way and I can just- just picture you holding her that same way, and that's the moment I think I can understand what she's lost. Cause Akane loves you so much, Mrs. Tendo. You know that, right? And for a long time, I don't think she knew what to do with all that love, so she'd get real angry and say cruel things, and it wasn't cause she meant them, it was cause she couldn't say all the things she wanted to. And I was an idiot, so of course I bought it. But with Keiko, it's like she's got a place to put the love again. Me too, I guess. But I'm different." Ranma let out a soft little laugh, shaking her head as the tears started to fall. "It ain't the same."
"I thought there's be this moment one day where everything would be different, where we'd wake up in the morning and think, 'oh, I'm an adult now,' and everything would look and feel different, only it's like you've been waiting your whole life for some kinda freedom to do what you want, be what you want, but then one day you look up and realize that it's already arrived. And it's scary, and it's new, but it also ain't cause you've already been living it. And I love her." Ranma laughed wetly. "Akane. Keiko. I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying, Ma. 'Sumi says I ain't supposed to hide my feelings anymore. You oughta be proud of her too. And Nabiki's alright too, I guess, once she's had a few glasses of wine."
"So I guess I'm trying to say that I miss you," Ranma said, trying not to cry harder. "I wish that I'd gotten to meet you, cause you sound like you were the best mom. I didn't- I didn't have a mom, for a long time. And I found my way back to her eventually, I guess, but it ain't the same when you're sixteen as it was when you were three. I hope that you would've- loved me, I guess. Accepted me as your daughter, not just your son. Cause I got-" A deep, shuddering breath. "I got real lucky when I met your daughter. I just hope that I can do everything I can to make her feel real lucky that she got to meet me."
Ranma sank deeper, taking a few long shuddering breaths to collect herself. It was all laid out before her – the photos, the incense. Her belongingness with the Tendos. Mrs. Tendo was watching over her, and there was some part of her that believed, or wanted to believe, that she could hear everything that Ranma said. It felt kinder to think that there was some way she could make herself known to a woman she had never met. That she could somehow partake in something whose absence the Tendos so dearly missed.
"Yeah. That's- that's about it," Ranma said in a rough voice, doing her best to smile. "Keiko loves you, Akane loves you. And I'll- I'll take real good care of them for you, Ma. Promise. We'll be so happy. She's not gonna grow up wanting for anything, not like me and 'Kane did. She's gonna be the most loved girl in the whole wide world." Rising to her feet, Ranma bowed to the altar and wiped at her face one final time. They were happy tears, she thought. Tears of hope. Tears of joy.
"I swear it on my honor as a martial artist."
It took a lot of effort to stand up and leave the room – but she stood, and she went. Made it out of the room. The dojo was dark there, or shadowed, chiaroscuro, faded in the places where the light had yet to reach. A long moment in the hallway went toward collecting herself, drying her eyes. She wanted to see her wife and daughter. Ranma shut the door behind her and slipped off toward the living room, padding around the corner on the balls of her feet. And there they were.
When she had left the room, Keiko had been playing with her toys while Akane curled up on the couch reading a book.
The sight she returned to was even sweeter.
Keiko had crawled into Akane's lap, where she had cuddled into a comfortable position, fingers curled, and promptly fallen asleep. Humming a simple melody under her breath, Akane held their daughter with an enduring fondness, stroking through her soft black hair. The couch sat in a warm pool of lamplight; cast in that mellow glow, they seemed an island apart from the nighttime around them. Creeping to the edge of the hallway, Ranma watched them with a heart so full she scarcely knew how to contain it. She wanted them there together for the rest of forever. It felt like everything she'd ever wanted. So profound that it barely felt real.
Akane noticed her, because she always did. Ranma blushed when she turned to her.
"There you are," Akane said, sleep-laden. "What were you up to?"
"Talking to your mom again."
"Oh? And what did she have to say?"
Swallowing back the lump in her throat, Ranma crossed the distance to the couch and settled down on the arm. She put her arm around Akane's shoulders and pecked her on the cheek.
"That she loves you very much," Ranma murmured.
Her breath caught so softly. Akane turned to look up at Ranma, her eyes shimmering with a sentiment Ranma could scarcely begin to describe. For the briefest moment, it seemed as though the wobble of her lip might break into sorrow, or anguish, or despair. But this was Akane. She simply gave an interminably fond smile, shaking her head in silent mirth – just like Ranma had known she would.
Akane patted the cushion by her side, and Ranma went around to snuggle next to her wife.
They drifted off together, lost in the gentle rhythm of Keiko's sleepy snores. There had been a time when they were new parents when it had seemed almost impossible that their daughter would be able to keep herself alive ("I just need ta check on her one more time, 'Kane-" "I swear to God, Ranma Saotome, if you get up one more time while our daughter is not screaming at the top of her lungs, I will castrate you and send you to the Amazons!" "But ain't I already-" "Don't fucking test me, woman." "Eep!"), but now that Keiko had finally started sleeping through the night, it was the most calming sound in the world. Like the tide at the seashore, or the rhythms of the city; like intersections emptied of cars at four o'clock in the morning; like the turning of the seasons, or the planet, or her world. Ranma's world spun around Keiko. And Keiko and Akane spun around her.
When Ranma tucked her head against Akane's shoulder, and wound her arm around Keiko, Akane let her hand fall against her hip, pulling her closer. She was curvy and warm and feminine; she felt so good in her own skin. She didn't think much anymore about how she wasn't occupying the body she was born in, but she thought about it now. It all felt so right. Akane knew what was on her mind; she always did. So when she tightened her possessive grip, Ranma knew she felt the same.
"I love you too," Akane whispered.
Ranma smiled. She closed her eyes.
For most of Ranma's life, family had never played a prominent role. She'd grown up on the road with no one but Pops for company – and though Genma had always been there, he'd been a lousy father on his best days. Their interactions had always been more about the Art than each other or their family name. Genma was her father, but he'd never been family, per se. Not in the way she had family now.
They'd found a home in the Tendo dojo. Learned some hard lessons about what it cost to be the greatest martial artist in the world, and Ranma had given up that life. She'd set her sights lower, and discovered so much more than she ever could have imagined on the cold hard road to mastery. Akane and Keiko were her true honor, now. Kasumi and Nabiki and her Mom. Ranma was continuing the Saotome legacy, she was using all the skills that Pops had given her back in the day. But they were her skills now. Hers to use, hers to cherish, hers to grow. As it should have been. As it was always intended to be.
Now she stood in the kitchen, peeling potatoes next to Nodoka in preparation for the big family dinner that night. Nodoka wore an apron over her usual kimono, looking rather laid back compared to normal; she hummed and swayed while she cooked, occasionally throwing a warm look, almost giddy, as though she couldn't believe that they were standing there together, cooking as a duo. Maybe Ranma couldn't either. She bumped Nodoka's hip as her mother passed her by, and Nodoka laughed, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek before she went off to the refrigerator. Ranma was left beaming by the sink. In the center of the room, Keiko, Genma, and Soun all sat cross-legged on the floor, carrying out a very serious conversation, hands on their knees; the grandfathers nodded seriously at every babbled word Keiko told them, and Keiko laughed in delight every time they took her grandiose proclamations seriously.
"Aren't they just precious?" Nodoka asked, eyes sparkling.
Ranma wrinkled her nose. "I dunno if I'd ever describe Pops as precious."
Chuckling, Nodoka watched her husband and granddaughter for a moment longer. She looked so happy and at ease, a far cry from the tightly wound woman Ranma had met four years ago. Here was her real mother; the woman who should have been there all along. "Fair enough, daughter."
Ranma had to turn away from her sympathy to hide how deeply she felt seen.
By the time the knock came at the door, heralding the arrival of the Tendo sisters, they had mostly wrapped up all of the preparations for dinner, enough so that Nodoka waved Ranma off toward the door when the knock came. Ranma freed herself of her apron and hurried to open it. Sure enough, there they were: Kasumi in a nice sundress with a big sweet smile, Nabiki lounging against the doorframe in a casual t-shirt and corduroys, and between them, in all of her butch glory, stood Akane. Akane had her hands half-thrust into the pockets of her suit, and she wore a lopsided grin, like she knew exactly how Ranma would react at the sight of her. And Ranma always did.
"Tadaima," Akane said in amusement, giving Ranma an appreciative once-over.
Ranma blushed all the way down to her toes.
"Well, sis," Nabiki drawled, "Aren't you going to kiss her?"
Their eyes met. Unspoken communication passed between them, and when they came to an agreement and stepped in toward each other – well, Ranma wasn't complaining about that part either.
Kasumi clapped. Nabiki whistled.
Their assorted parents looked on fondly from within the room.
(About halfway through Akane's pregnancy, right when her baby bump had first gotten pronounced, they had spent a lazy Saturday afternoon in bed together. While Akane had read one of her magazines, Ranma had laid tucked in against her side in her female form (How had it taken her so long to realize?), where she rubbed lazy circles over Keiko's growing form. There was a question on the tip of her tongue, something unanswered, unasked, unconceived, still swaddled in the womb of her subconscious, like a heartbeat fluttering in the back of her mind. Ranma stared long at the gentle swell of her wife's belly. She couldn't tear her gaze away.
Akane had noticed. She had drawn up the hem of her shirt so Ranma could press herself against her soft skin, and worked a gentle hand through Ranma's hair. Ranma had taken the quiet invitation; curled herself around their unborn child like a cat, and closed her eyes to the warm press of skin, drifting away into the lull of the afternoon.
"She likes it when you do that," Akane murmured fondly.
Too overwhelmed to muster a verbal response, Ranma pressed a kiss to her bump, lingering there with her lips for too long to be simply explained away.
Her wife was warm.
"Maybe…" came her hesitant voice, softly enough that they could both pretend it was nothing. "Maybe you could carry the next one."
Ranma shivered in silent anticipation.)
By the time she'd stopped spacing out, only Kasumi remained in the entryway, steadying her with a firm hand on the elbow. Ranma tittered, blushing at her sister-in-law, who only shook her head fondly and drew her back into the house. As they approached, Keiko finally noticed the sisters and shrieked in delight at the sight of Akane, waving her pudgy arms for her other mother's attention. Akane laughed and swept forward, scooping Keiko up into her arms.
"There's my girl," Akane beamed, kissing Keiko on the cheek.
Nabiki came up to their side and poked her other cheek with a mischievous finger. "Keiko-chan," she sang. "There's my favorite niece! Aren't you going to say hi to your Daddy?"
Keiko cackled.
"Nabiki!"
As Akane flew off on a furious scolding, much to Nabiki and Keiko's amusement, Ranma found herself adrift in the entryway by their neatly lined shoes, lost in her own thoughts again. She verged upon the untouchable, like a curve reaching its hypotenuse, grasping onto some fleeting intangibility at the sight of her family laid out before her. There was something in the air, the ephemera of garlic and ginger, or the pleasant lilting of conversation, the click of shogi tiles or the cool pine beneath her feet, the knowledge that they were young now, but growing older, and that Keiko would be going to school someday, then growing up, moving out, and maybe one day finding a family of her own. It all seemed so immediate, yet so distant it could barely be perceived. So distracted was she that Ranma didn't notice her father's presence until Genma was standing next to her, following her gaze to Akane and Keiko.
"So, son," Genma began, slapping Ranma on the back with enough paternal affection to make her jump half out of her skin, "I see that you've finally decided to become a woman!"
Ranma squawked, twisting away from her father. "I think you've got your wires crossed there."
"You know, I always knew this day would come…"
"Pops!" Ranma protested.
Nodding sagely to himself, Genma stroked at his chin, lost in his recollection of the deep memories. "Yes… You see, when you were a little girl, I would go up to you and say, 'Boy! You're looking rather girly today!' And then you would say, 'Boy, Pops, I sure do feel like a girl today,' and then we would do martial arts, but for girls!" Genma shook his head, tears of manly joy streaming down his face. "Never in my life have I felt such pride in you, my womanly son."
Ranma edged away from Genma. "I really don't think that's how it happened, Pops."
"Eh? But you looked so cute when you used to sneak into your mother's dresses!"
"When I did what?!"
"Ehehehe."
Kasumi had joined with Nodoka in the kitchen to help carry the platters of steaming food to the table. Nabiki and Akane had finished arguing, and now Nabiki was helping Keiko take her first teetering, unstable steps toward dinner, all while Akane cooed encouragements and Soun bawled by the table. "My little girl, all grown up!" the Tendo patriarch sobbed. Nodoka settled at Soun's side to pat his shoulder in comfort, wiping away a tear of her own, and Akane rolled her eyes at the lot of them.
"Oh, Daddy," Akane dismissed. "She'll still be your little girl for plenty more years. Come on, let's eat!"
Genma offered Ranma a serious nod as though he had said anything that merited such solemnity, then strode purposefully over to Keiko. He picked her up and tickled her until she shrieked. Keiko laughed and climbed Genma's shirt like a monkey; Genma made a big show of falling over and rolling around on his back. "Panda! Panda!" Keiko shrieked, and like the good sport he was, Genma reached for a glass of water and dumped it over his head. Once he was properly black, white, and furry, Keiko settled triumphantly in her grandbear's lap, where she promptly leaned over the table and reached for the natto.
Ranma rolled her eyes and joined the rest of her family.
It was tempting to think that now that once the wool was pulled away from her eyes and she saw what had been evident about her womanhood the whole time, that Ranma would suddenly know herself, possess some deeper understanding of her spirit or person. But Ranma knew better than that. She was dense, oblivious, tactless, unthinking, and downright delusional on a good day – but that wasn't on her. They all were, every last member of the dinner table. It was Pops with his actual insanity, and Akane with her quiet refusal to voice her problems and thoughts aloud; Nabiki and her endless need to turn everything transactional, and Nodoka and her guilt over poor decisions bygone. And it was silly to think that Ranma could somehow shield Keiko from becoming like the rest of them: a neurotic, messy, imperfect, human being with her own follies and foibles. Ranma didn't want to raise her perfect ideal of who and what a little girl ought to be. She didn't want to raise a Woman-Among-Women; she didn't want to raise an anything. She wanted to raise Keiko. Ranma Saotome wanted to give to her daughter what her own parents had never given to her; a self, the ability to be whatever it was she wished without having to hide it from the world, and from herself most of all.
Maybe Ranma would never really know her true inner self. Maybe she didn't need to. So long as she could be here, eating dinner with her family, with her wife and child by her side, she would be content. And though there had been a brief moment of clarity, a starkness brought about by her sudden discovery of her womanhood, Ranma could already feel that lightning slipping through her fingers as her mind and body adjusted to her newfound routine. Deeper and closer and cozier. Her daily life, her taken-for-granted. She would be a woman for so long that she would someday forget just how it felt, being a man. The idea of loss scared her. But even so – Ranma wouldn't want to remember how playing for the other team felt. There was some essential part of her that didn't want to remember what it was to be a man.
It was a gift that the knowledge had already begun to slip away, leaving only the vaguest impression of a benefaction, like the vestigial glow of her water-borne curse. It lingered about her, and when she cast her mind back, she could taste the crispness of the qualia, the sharp taste of a life once lived, intangibly different from her own. Akane would take on the burden of the memory for her, if she asked. Ranma knew she would. But when her gaze fell upon Keiko, who seemed so very content to be with her family and her two moms…
Quietly, Ranma let the knowledge pass.
She was content.
… And what was she trying to remember, anyway?
For the briefest moment, Ranma felt something akin to regret, a loss that she couldn't have articulated had she tried. But that passed in a moment too.
By her side, Akane glanced over at her, a note of concern in her eyes. Ranma stopped spacing out over her bowl of rice and vegetables – nothing to be gained from brooding over the past – and offered her a reassuring smile.
"What are you smiling about?" Akane asked.
Ranma grinned at her. "You."
"Sap."
"Tomboy."
"Idiot."
"Your idiot," Ranma happily replied.
It was just a peck on the lips, flavored by the slightest hint of soy. But it tasted like everything she'd ever wanted.
They were distracted from each other by a slight commotion across the table. Genma had been doing his best to feed Keiko natto with his big panda paws, which had largely resulted in natto smeared all over Keiko's face, and the one-year-old was getting restless. Keiko had begun to fuss, making noises of protest and calling for her parents' attention.
"Really?" Akane scowled.
Genma blinked innocently at her. Kasumi, Nabiki, and Nodoka, who had all been embroiled in their own conversations, looked sheepish.
Having a full meltdown at the dinner table was not the way Ranma wanted her family night to go. She grabbed her napkin and hurried around the table, pulling Keiko out of Genma's lap, which earned her an indignant squawk from her daughter. Keiko whined and squirmed as Ranma did her best to wipe the sticky natto off her face. She shied away.
"Hey, Kei-chan," Ranma tried to soothe as Keiko made louder noises of discontent. "Hey, hey, what's wrong? C'mon, talk to Mama."
Keiko shook her head.
All of Ranma's best efforts couldn't calm the fussy baby. Keiko twisted around in her arms, waving out toward Akane, who seemed rather bemused by the sudden attention. "Me?" Akane asked, and Keiko nodded enthusiastically, wriggling and babbling for her other mom. Ranma and Akane sat together in stunned shock – Keiko never asked for Akane – which evidently was too long for their little girl.
Her little face scrunched up in irritation, staring right at Akane with the type of stubborn determination that only a toddler could muster, Keiko called out, "Daddy!"
Dead silence.
Ranma and Akane looked at Keiko in shock. Then each other. Then finally, to the troublemaker sitting at the end of the table, who wore a smirk that was entirely too smug at the present turn of events. And Ranma knew exactly who to blame for corrupting her daughter.
"NABIKI!"
THE END
[A/N] And that's a wrap!
There's so much that I want to say about this fic, but I also want to let it stand for itself. I'm so happy with this final product – it came out even better than I envisioned in February, and I truly feel like this is my best work, and quite possibly my best fic now that it's been completed. This is a massive accomplishment for me, and I'm so glad I could share it with all of you.
There are so many milestones I've just reached by posting this. This is my first ever completed longform fanfiction, my first fanfiction where I've really gotten to write "The End" and publish it to the world! That's huge. That also, of course, makes this my longest completed fic, my first completed Ranma fic, and most importantly my first completed work of fiction that I've not only published, but had thousands of people read.
This fic's impact on my life stretches way beyond just craft milestones, though. Thanks to Mother Time, I've made a dozen friends in this fandom, discovered whole new realms of trans space online, and finally found the courage to make my own Discord server, which now has almost fifty people on it! Indirectly, Mother Time has sparked a huge passion and interest into the world of published transfemme literature, helped me process my grief about my Mom, and has really given me something to feel proud of in a year where my creative life has been disorganized and messy. It has been uniformly a blessing to me, and I'm so proud to present this final chapter to the world.
Enormous thanks have to go to NobleHeroine, Korra, and Sevillana (en_passant) for all of the love, support, and help they've given me along this journey, especially with the complete restructuring of the second half of chapter four. I didn't know you guys before I started this fic, but now you're three of my dearest friends. I'm immensely grateful that this fic gave me the chance to know you all this year.
I also want to thank both my Discord server and the Ranma Discord server for all of the support you've shown this fic. It's been so overwhelmingly positive. I'm beaming at the thought of it.
In addition, all of the usual thanks go out to my reviewers and commenters on the last chapter! Thank you to Eva Grimm, subway, aceina, irisvirus, GenderlessDeadtective, cyde, Lukkai, Nhaamako, Diet_Gender_Fluid, Cromalin20, Mabelfruit, ArtieStroke, LavMana, Herofire, Sunshine Temple, and AshK1980 for sharing your thoughts. I posted chapter four in the middle of the DDOS attack on AO3 like a total idiot, and I'm really grateful to all of you who helped fight idiot homophobes by reading it anyway. Y'all are the best.
My Mom might not be here anymore, but I'm so incredibly proud that I've created something so meaningful to me that can stand as a testament to her. And I know that she would be proud of me too.
Check out my profile for more trans stories, including Gender Sleepy, my ongoing Ranma longfic!
And one last time:
Cheers, Allie
