"Mother!" Raya called, swimming frantically into the bay. A swirling whirlpool held Regina in place while her mother bared down on her, her trident glowing brightly in the darkness. "Mother! Stop!"
"You broke my daughter's heart!" Amphitrite hissed at the former queen in her clutches. "You refused her and refused your child-"
"I didn't know there was a child until she was throwing herself through a portal!" Regina snapped. "I am sorry. For it and every ounce of pain I caused all of you. Please-"
"You believe that saying sorry will fix all that you've done?" Amphitrite hissed. "The nights my child couldn't sleep because your memory would not allow it. The tears that were shed...all caused by you." The water rose higher, wrapping Regina tightly from her neck to her ankles.
"Mother!" Raya yelled. "Stop!"
"You hurt my baby." Amphitrite said. "My only child. Have you any idea what it's like to know your child is in pain and that you can do nothing to help them?" The storm around them slowly started to disperse, but her grip on Regina tightened until she could hear her blood rushing in her ears above Amphitrite's words. "Why shouldn't I kill you for everything you've done?"
"Because she's my mother!" Regina looked down at Salacia and Raya in the water. Amphitrite did the same. "Please, Grandmother. What would killing her do? You can't change the past."
"It would make me feel much better." The sea goddess replied. Regina groaned when she squeezed again.
"It has been years, Mother." Raya pleaded. "I let it go. I learned to love again."
"Let her go." Salacia added.
The sea goddess was unforgiving however, and Regina didn't expect her to. She deserved it all after betraying Raya, for not choosing her. It was her only regret in life. "I suffer for that decision every day." Regina said. Amphitrite glared at her. "I have lost everything that I truly cared about. I still suffer for that day and I will until my last, but I will do anything to make things right." Amphitrite's eyes never lost their rage, but she glanced at her daughter and granddaughter and seemed to calm down. The storm completely dispersed and Regina felt herself being moved. At this point, her vision was swimming so she wasn't sure where she was being moved. That is, until she was dropped unceremoniously on the beach. Salacia and Raya bent down to help her up and she turned around as Amphitrite stepped onto the sand, using her large trident as a walking stick. The goddess' eyes remained hard, but she completely softened up when she looked at her daughter and grandchild. Regina remembered when she was younger and wanted nothing more than to have those same eyes look at her with love and approval, hoping to be worthy of Raya, to join her family one day.
"Mother," Raya reached out to hug her mother. "What are you doing here?"
"I have news of our progress and I wanted to deliver it in person." The brunette said. "I didn't know you had company."
"It was unplanned and she and her friends will be leaving soon." Raya glanced at Regina before leading her mother away.
"Are you alright?" Salacia asked.
"Not really." Regina sighed, using magic to check herself for any injuries. "I didn't expect anything less from your grandmother. I'm just surprised she didn't kill me."
"She would have done so slowly. I knew we had time." Salacia gave her a small smile.
Regina smiled in return. "I should go. I do not want to distract-"
"No, you shouldn't." Salacia insisted. "If I'm anything like you, then I know what's going to happen when you're alone. Berating yourself and being angry at the past is only going to eat you alive. Believe me."
"Then what do I do?" Regina whispered.
Salacia glanced at the others and put an arm around her mother to lead her away, taking her to a quiet part of the beach. They sat down in the cold sand and Regina buried her face in her hands and allowed the tears to flow. Salacia rubbed her back. "Speak to me, Regina."
Regina wiped her eyes and sat up. She waved her hands, cleaning her face, but her eyes felt hot and tired. "Everything I've done since that day was meant to lead me back to Raya and you. I dove into the fucking darkness, lost my humanity, everything! All for Raya. She has a family now. She doesn't need me, doesn't want me. Neither do you. I've spent my life trying to find her again. Now that I have, what do I do?"
"I don't know." Salacia admitted. "But don't you have a son?"
"Henry doesn't give a damn about me." Regina scoffed. "He doesn't want a villain for a mother. Emma is his real mother. I adopted him and he left the moment he found out to find her. Ever since, he just wants to be with her and the idiots she calls parents."
Salacia was quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry."
"It's no one's fault but my own."
"You're wrong. Mother told me about Cora. Yes, all of your decisions were your own and yes, you've done bad things, but if you think for a moment that she wasn't the cause of a lot of your suffering, then you must've forgotten who she is. I don't know her and I don't want to, but the way Mother talked about her...she was a monster."
"Who made another one."
"Mother told me about how you fought." Salacia continued. Regina frowned slightly. She couldn't remember fighting with Raya about anything except the day she left. "How you fought to be together." Salacia clarified. "Against Cora and against the odds. I know it must've been hard and I know it's even harder now but one thing Mother told me that you had was resilience. I think you just lost your way, but you can find a new one." Regina let out a sigh but said nothing. "You think she doesn't love you anymore?"
"Why would she? I should've waited...Just a little bit longer…"
"She said she came back later than expected-"
"I still should've waited."
"Mother still loves you. Maybe it's not quite the love that it was or the one you want," Salacia said. "But she does. The herbs that she went to get for you," Regina raised her head. "She still has them. She didn't give them to Zelena."
"That's nice." Regina smiled before unleashing a blast of magic at the water nearby and letting out a growl of frustration. What could she do now? She had no one now. Not even Henry and certainly not the idiots. Raya had her own family, her own life to live. Regina wanted her back, more than anything, but she couldn't tear their family apart. Salacia would hate her for it.
"Wow." Salacia leaned on her shoulder, looking at her with amusement in her eyes. "I have an idea. A bonding activity for me and my mothers."
"I doubt Raya would allow me to-"
"Raya doesn't get to make decisions about this. While we're doing it, maybe you can come up with a new plan."
Regina arched an eyebrow before shrugging. "Depends on this activity."
"Destroying something, or rather, someone."
"Are you sure we haven't met before? You seem to know me so well."
Salacia broke into a grin and looped an arm through hers. "Yes! We will destroy things, fight people, have some fun, and then we can help you find a new purpose." She started to walk away but Regina kept her feet planted and Salacia looked at her again.
Regina didn't know what to do now. She had no clue how she would move forward in life. She couldn't stay in Oz. Oz belonged to Raya and Zelena. Storybooke had become a hostile environment with nothing but painful memories of her life with Henry and enemies around every corner. As well as a bunch of idiots always on her doorstep. She didn't know where she stood with Henry or if he would ever find a way to move past her past, but there was one thing she was sure about. She wanted the opportunity to know the daughter she had with her true love. She didn't deserve it, but she would take it. She'd already failed once as a mother, and even though Salacia didn't need her as one, she would try her best. Something good needed to come from her failures.
"You put too much blame on yourself. It's not all your fault that you two didn't make it." Salacia rubbed her shoulder. "I know all of this might be a shock to you, finding Mother with a new family, but if she found new love and new purpose, so can you."
Regina gave a small smile and nodded. "Thank you, Salacia."
"You still want to be alone?"
"Yes, please."
"Okay then. We can talk tomorrow."
Regina watched her leave before taking a seat on the sand again. She had some thinking to do.
/
Salacia returned to the others and joined in the celebration, but she noticed her mother slipping into her own thoughts several times. It was odd for Raya to do so, especially tonight. It was Zelena's special night after all. When the celebration had ended, Raya managed to slip away from the family, but Salacia and Zeraya knew where she was going. The sisters wordlessly decided to go find their blonde mother who had retired to her private cave down the shoreline. It was the one thing that was not shared among the family and the one place Raya went to be alone sometimes.
Salacia and Zeraya didn't enter the cave. They knocked on the outside and took a seat near the entrance. Raya emerged moments later.
"Is something wrong?" Raya asked. "Is it Caspian or Aria?"
"No, nothing like that. We were worried." Salacia answered.
"Is it Regina?" Zeraya asked.
Raya joined them on the beach and Salacia noticed the waves beginning to grow under her mother's discomfort. "Having her here just stirs up a lot of old memories. Ones I thought I had buried."
"Do you still want to be with her?" Zeraya looked at their mother closely. Raya met her eyes evenly.
"No." She replied and Zeraya seemed to relax.
"Are you sure? If a part of you still yearns for her, you need to speak to Mum."
Raya looked at her second oldest and leaned towards her. "I already have. I assured her that my feelings will not, nor will they ever change when it concerns her. I love her and I always will. I will not leave her for a past love, a done love." Raya reached out to take her daughter by the chin. "I will not leave you either. Don't ever doubt that. Do you understand me?" Zeraya nodded. "Good."
"I spoke to her." Salacia decided to interrupt. "Regina."
"Oh? Did she say something interesting?"
"She said that she did a lot of bad things and all of it was done to find us. You and me. Now, she's lost everything and everyone. She seems so...lost and sad."
"She does." Zeraya agreed softly.
"Which is why," Salacia said, smacking her mother's shoulder. "I've invited her to attack Atlantis with us."
Raya whipped around to face her. "What?! Why?"
"Because she seems like the sort of person who would enjoy it. And besides, she's miserable here. She hates herself and everything she's done and I don't know what to do about that. I don't know how to help her. I'd like to. If there is a chance for me to get a peek at the woman you once loved, I want to take it."
"I'm not sure that woman still exists." Raya cautioned her.
"Of course she's not the same person she was. Neither are you." Salacia reminded her mother. "I only mean that it would be a chance to get to know her. For me and you."
"Me?" Raya scoffed.
"I know you want to know what she's become and I know you hate that she's in pain. We can help her. That's all she needs." Her mother looked unconvinced, but she didn't disagree. "So you don't mind her helping us?"
"I suppose I don't have much of a choice. Zelena won't."
"Zelena knows she's always been my mother."
"Reassure her of that fact. You know she needs it sometimes."
"Do they even know each other?" Zeraya asked. Raya shook her head. "Cora?" Raya nodded. "Well if we weren't in the equation, Mum, they might even be friends."
"Since we are, it makes all the difference."
Zeraya let out a sigh and stood up. "I'm going for a swim. All this emotional stuff is making me uncomfortable. I'll be back in an hour."
Salacia rolled her eyes. "I'll go with her." She ran after Zeraya and chased her into the surf. Raya watched them go with a smile before getting up as well. She walked along the beach until she found Regina still sitting by the water, just out of reach of the waves. She could hear the brunette talking quietly to herself and making marks in the sand.
"You haven't gone crazy, have you?" Raya asked. Regina whipped around before relaxing with a nervous smile.
"No, I was just…well, I guess I was just talking to myself." She said, wiping away whatever she'd been writing in the sand.
Raya sat down next to her. "Talking to yourself about what?"
Regina looked away before letting out a sigh. "I was second guessing my decision to join Salacia. I don't have anyone to confide in anymore." She admitted. "My only other friend is gone but she was a good person to talk to. She was very wise. I would've liked to talk to her about this, even though I know exactly what she would say. That's what I was just… talking to myself about."
"Oh? And what would that be?" She was curious as to who this friend could be.
"She would tell me to fly." Regina answered with a bitter smile. "She was a dragon, you see. Dragons like to fly in storms, figuratively and literally. They enjoy the storm as much as they enjoy the calm after it. I know that she would tell me to help Salacia and leave Storybrooke. But Henry's there and even though he hates me, I am reluctant to leave him."
Raya glanced down the beach at the little shack. As far as she could remember, she hadn't seen Regina and Henry interact at all since they got here. Perhaps Regina was preoccupied, but she could only imagine what had happened between them to hurt their relationship so much. "Will you tell me everything?" She asked, wanting to understand, to know what had happened to her oldest friend. She thought there would be something good in her life. She'd adopted a son, tried to build a family, but this…was not what she expected.
Regina sniffled and shook her head. Raya frowned when she saw her hands trembling. "I don't want to. I can't."
"Why not? You know you can tell me anything-"
"My son ran away when he found out who I was." Regina said, her voice cracking. "Will you promise not to judge?"
"I promise." Raya tilted her head, examining her friend once again and finding nothing of what used to be there. When she and Regina parted ways, Regina was an entirely different person. She was angry and sad with no outlet and no way to heal. Once, years ago, Amphitrite had mentioned Regina when Raya asked about her. Her mother had little to say about her, only that she was now called the "Evil Queen". The woman that sat before Raya now could not have been either of those women. Regina was just…in pieces. Although, whether she'd ever been whole to begin with was another question.
"After I got rid of Mother and you left," Regina began, "The Dark One came to see me. Apparently, he'd had dealings with my mother in the past." That wasn't surprising either. "He promised me a perfect world. I know it was foolish to ever listen to him. I know I shouldn't have blamed Snow and I should've left Leopold. But he said I could have it all, just as long as I was willing to do what needed to be done."
Raya sighed, already infuriated. She knew someone else was pulling Regina's strings but she hadn't thought of the Dark One. She thought they'd be free if Cora was gone, but it would seem that it wouldn't have worked anyway.
"I did a lot of bad things, hurt a lot of people. I had no one and nothing to lose. I…" Regina looked away again, rubbing the legs of her pants as she worked up the courage to continue. Raya gently rubbed her back, choosing to stay silent. They had all night if need be. "I killed people. Cursed people. People who had nothing to do with my feud with Snow. The Dark One taught me magic and he eventually told me about the Dark Curse."
"Dark Curse?"
"One of the most powerful curses ever made. He said that it would give me my happy ending."
"What did the curse do?" Raya asked.
"It brought many people from the Enchanted Forest to the Land of No Magic. It wiped their memories of their past lives, gave them new identities. I cast it to get vengeance on Snow White and it essentially took everyone else' happy endings away for 28 years. In order to cast it, I had to sacrifice the heart of the person I loved most. That person was you." Raya tilted her head again, waiting for an explanation and watching Regina's nervous tics start to recede. "I cast a curse on myself that took away my memories of you. I figured that if I didn't remember my love for you, I could still cast the curse. It worked. The Evil Queen fell in love with one of her soldiers, a man called the Huntsman and he was sacrificed." She paused and Raya said nothing, simply waited for her to continue. "During the 28 years in Storybrooke, the town I created with the Dark Curse, time stopped. I remembered everything but no one else did. No one in the Land of No Magic could enter Storybrooke. A man did get in because he was in the area when the curse was cast and I had to kill him. That world doesn't know about magic and he would have just brought a lot of unwanted attention. I sealed the borders after that so no one could ever find it. I could still leave if I wanted though and eventually…I felt lonely. Victory wasn't quite what it cracked up to be." She chuckled bitterly and ran a hand through her hair. When she started to pull it Raya gently moved her hand away and held it, giving it a comforting squeeze.
"That's when you adopted your son."
Regina smiled then. It was a genuine smile, but it was also a sad one. She remembered that when Regina was truly happy she smiled so hard that her eyes nearly closed and she had the cutest crinkle in her nose. This was a smile that said those happy days were gone.
"Henry. I didn't think there was a better name for him."
"That's the perfect name." Raya smiled.
"Life was good for a while. I was happier than I'd been in so long and I thought I was a good mother. I tried to raise him right and be better than my mother. Then one day, everything changed. Snow found a storybook in her closet and gave it to Henry. It was a book with all of our stories in it."
"Me too?" Raya asked.
"No. It's not really an accurate book, but the parts of the Evil Queen it got right. That's what Henry saw me as. Never mind that it was a fucking book that shouldn't have meant anything. There was nothing to say it was even real. I knew he was acting odd but he wouldn't talk to me about it. He started being more rebellious and angry and I got him to talk to Archie. Archie's a therapist, a person who tries to talk people through their problems." Raya nodded in understanding. "He even talked to Snow one day and she told me that he felt unloved, that he didn't belong. I may not have been the best mother, but I tried."
"I'm sure you did."
"I guess it wasn't enough. I don't even know what led to the topic, but we talked about him being adopted one night and the next he was gone. He'd run away to find his birth mother, Emma Swan. He brought her back to Storybrooke. She is the Savior, the one fated to break the Dark Curse. I tried everything to stop it but he was accidentally cursed. He ate a poisoned apple turnover meant for Emma to prove a point and she kissed his forehead, breaking the curse and waking him up. Since then it's been hell, but I won't bore you with the details. It's nothing I don't deserve."
"So what led you all to Neverland then?" Raya asked.
Regina rolled her eyes then. "Peter Pan had his lackeys kidnap Henry. He built this whole organization that hated magic. One of them was the son of the first man I killed to keep people out of Storybrooke. He remembered me and weaseled his way into town, captured me, tortured me for a little while and then I got saved by the idiots." Raya frowned at the woman's nonchalant attitude when talking about being tortured and having her son kidnapped. "They took Henry and activated a magic crystal, a failsafe that I had built into the curse that would destroy it. I even offered to die to hold it off long enough for everyone else to get out of town. The Savior helped me stop it of course." She rolled her eyes again. "And then we went to Neverland to get Henry back. We succeeded but Pan's still alive. We were leaving when he attacked and then we were attacked by shark tails and then we got saved by Salacia and her sisters."
"And that's it? You didn't leave anything out?"
"Just some bits involving death and destruction and ruining lives. Oh, I skipped a couple times where I got captured and almost executed." Regina shrugged, scratching her chin. "Also, Mother's dead. I didn't kill her. I never could bring myself to even though she deserved it. Snow tricked me into doing it."
"Wait, what-"
"It's fine." Regina said. "The Heart Ripper deserved to die a hundred times over. I hate Snow but it's less about Mother and more because she's a self righteous hypocrite. Besides, Mother pretty much threw me to the wolves to get more power for herself half an hour earlier so the tears dried quickly."
"Holy fuck." Raya whispered. Regina chose to stay silent as she slowly processed all of this new information. There was so much to unpack she wasn't even sure to begin. She understood a lot of it though. A lot of Regina's actions were irreversible and reprehensible but she did at least show some remorse and shame for them. It was only when she talked about herself that she adopted a nonchalant attitude, as if resigned to all of the ridicule and hate. None of that sat well with the blonde. At the end of the day, Regina made her own choices, but that didn't mean Raya didn't know the truth. Regina was raised by a monster who destroyed her whole support system. When Regina got rid of one monster, another took her place and promised her the world if she would only destroy herself in the process. Raya knew the real Regina. The kind Regina, the soft Regina, the Regina who loved animals and long rides through the forest. The Regina she taught to swim and the one who taught her how to ride horses. It broke her heart to see what Regina had become. "I'm so-"
"Don't." Regina said sharply. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm the one who ruins everything."
"Don't say that."
"It's the truth though. It doesn't matter. Nothing does. I'm a villain. Villains never win and we don't get happy endings." She seemed so passive about it, as if it was a fact that she'd just accepted to be truth. She'd given up. "But as I said, that doesn't matter. I want to get to know Salacia and if I can help her destroy whatever she's trying to destroy, I'll be happy to do that. I will take what I can get."
Raya abruptly stood up. "You've given me a lot to think about and um, I think I'll take the rest of the night to do that." Regina stood up as well and dipped her head. "Good night."
"Good night."
Raya quickly walked away. She hurried through the tower and into her bedroom, passing her mother who instantly ran after her. In the privacy of her room she broke down in tears and Amphitrite allowed her to do so without even needing a reason. She simply hugged her child as she cried for the loss of her friend.
/
Back on the beach, Regina decided to take a walk along the shore. She longed to go to bed and get some rest, but she didn't want to see the Charmings right now. Or Henry. Maybe she wasn't a good mother. Why else would her child prefer the woman who abandoned him? Why did everyone but her get to be happy? Why did she always have to lose? Even when she won, she lost. Even when she did something heroic, she was still the villain. She couldn't have her son, she couldn't have Raya, she couldn't have anything. That last thought drew another bitter laugh from her. How could she ever think that she would win back Raya? After all these years. Maybe her mother was right to rip her heart out. She banished that thought as soon as she had it though. She would never put her children through that. Child. Anyway, the only thing she could do now was help Salacia with her little project and hope that her best would be good enough this time.
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