Title: The Saga of Mister Moo
Word Count: 2355
Universe: Non-Zombie AU
Rating: General
Brief Summary: The Dixon brothers seem to have a proclivity for breaking into Beth Greene's apartment, but she knows just how to handle them.
Notes: This is in two parts, as I originally posted the first ficlet in response to a request, and then created a sequel! I hope you enjoy, these fics (especially the second part) make me laugh a lot.
Part One: Meet Mister Moo
(Daryl Dixon & Beth Greene)
Really all the banging around should have woken Beth up. It did, technically, she was just really slow to wake up in general, unless something drastic happened. Eventually she did wake; hair a mess around her head, eyes blinking blearily first into the darkness and then at the sounds coming from the living room.
Her eyes went wide and she reached out sharply to snap on her bedside lamp. The bedroom door was closed, but beyond beyond it she could hear scuffling noises, like someone was walking around in the dark or something and had no idea where they were.
Which was why she was pretty sure it wasn't Maggie, unless her sister had gotten drunk… even then, Maggie was never quiet. Especially not when she was drunk. If it were Maggie she'd be yelling for Beth, complaining about her furniture being in the way or something. No… it definitely wasn't Maggie.
So when Beth climbed out of the bed in her pajamas, she took a moment to look around, searching for something to defend herself with. What would have been good was a bat, or some kind of stick, or heck even a knife. But no, of course she didn't have any of those things. It had never seemed like a priority, of course, not until now.
All she had was a lot of clothes, a guitar she was so not going to risk using as a weapon, and a very large stuffed cow.
Okay, so Mister Moo was probably not the best weapon but he was big, and hey, no one would expect a cow to the face… right? Right.
Clutching him by one leg, Beth inched her way to her bedroom door, drew in a deep breath, and pulled it slowly open. At first she saw nothing beyond, no movement in the darkness, not even as her eyes began to adjust.
But then she heard it. Groaning and cursing from the room beyond, in a voice that was so not at all familiar. With her phone out in the kitchen and no other options, Beth did the only thing she could think of.
She flipped on the light switch and ran into the room, Mister Moo upraised as she shouted, "I'M ARMED AND THE POLICE ARE ON THEIR WAY SO YOU'D BETTER-"
But what they'd better do, Beth didn't get a chance to articulate. Because as soon as she saw her intruder, she came to a sudden stop. It was an unfamiliar man, in what she thought was a leather jacket over his torn jeans, long shaggy hair hanging into his eyes. He rightly should have terrified her… only it was hard to be terrified when he was sprawled out on his back on her couch, groaning as her yellow-haired cat Sunshine purred and pranced across his chest.
"What are you doing?" It was the only thing she could think to ask, as she lowered the stuffed cow to her side.
The stranger on her couch groaned. "Gettin' attacked by your cat, Merle. Didn't know you had a cat. When the hell'd you get a damn cat?"
"I'm not Merle," Beth said dryly, taking a cautious step towards him as Sunshine laid down, nudging her little pink nose under the man's chin with a rumbling purr. "And that's my cat, Sunshine."
"You ain't Merle?" The man blinked his eyes open, leaving Beth stunned by the brilliant blue of them for a moment before he grumbled, "Then where the fuck am I?"
Not daunted by his foul language, she raised an eyebrow and said, "My apartment. I'm pretty sure you broke in through my window, which better not be broken…"
"Ain't broken," he grunted, laying back against her pillow, "Jimmied it open."
"Oh well isn't that lovely." Beth looked down at him and sighed. "What am I supposed to do with you, hm?"
"Dunno. What are you gonna do with me?" He looked her over lazily this time, and she was surprised to realize that the little smirk he gave her made something all warm and fluttery unfurl inside of her, even as he fixed his gaze on her stuffed cow and said, "That what you meant by armed? You gonna hit me with that, girl?"
"His name is Mister Moo," she replied primly, only flushing after the fact. His name is Mister Moo, lord above Beth Greene, what are you doing. "And no, I'm not gonna hit you with him. Although it would have caught you off guard."
When all he did was grunt in reply, Beth furrowed her brow and sniffed. "Well what I should do is call the cops on you for breaking and entering."
That seemed to get his attention. He turned his head and looked up at her, fixing her with a gaze that seemed unexpectedly clear despite the fact that he reeked of alcohol. "That what you're gonna do, little girl?"
For a moment she just stood there, eyebrow arched, staring him down despite the fact that she was wearing pajamas pants with cats on them and clutching a stuffed cow in one hand. Only when he'd blinked and drawn back from the look in her eyes did she soften, and reply, "No. I'm not. But only because Sunshine likes you, Mr…"
"Dixon," he grunted, turning to look down at the cat. His gaze almost went cross-eyed at her nearness, but after a moment he lifted a hand and ran it down the cat's back, and as she purred contentedly he added, "Daryl Dixon."
"Beth Greene," she murmured back, despite the fact that she was pretty sure you weren't supposed to give your name to strange men who broke into your apartments.
She was also pretty sure you weren't supposed to wish that those men would make you purr with their touch, too, which was why she firmly shoved that thought aside as she added, "I'm going to make you some coffee. Don't get up, you'll just dislodge Sunshine and keeping her happy is the least you can do after waking us both up!"
As she moved into the kitchen to start up a pot of coffee, Beth just tried not to think about all the ways he could make it up to her, too.
Because that was definitely something she should not be thinking about.
Even if her cat did like him.
Part Two: Don't Mess With Mister Moo
(Daryl Dixon, Beth Greene, and Merle Dixon)
Thump.
Bang.
Crash!
"Daryl!" Beth sat bolt upright in bed, groping beside her, reaching out to shake the warm body of her… boyfriend? Lover? None of the words really applied when it came to her and Daryl. They were… together, that was the easiest way to put it. They were together, and these days he spent pretty much every night at her place; it was funny, she liked to joke, since it was the first place they'd met.
It had been six months since that night when he'd 'accidentally' broken into her apartment and nearly got a stuffed cow to the face for his troubles, only to be pardoned thanks to the affections of her cat, Sunshine.
Six months, and now someone was banging around in her apartment again, only this time she knew it wasn't Daryl because his warmth was right against her and his heavy arm was slung familiarly over her waist. It couldn't be Sunshine, either, because she could feel the distinct warmth of the cat in her favorite spot curled up at the foot of the bed, a puddle of yellow fur only faintly visible in the gloom of her bedroom.
"Daryl!" Beth nudged him again until he groaned. Once that little bit of wakefulness had penetrated, though, Daryl was awake and sitting up, possibly even more alert than she was. Six months with her, he claimed, had vastly improved how well he slept at night, but with a past like his it was no wonder how quick he was to wake up when needed.
Before she could even explain what had woken her up there was another bang and crash from the living room. Just as Daryl curled his fingers protectively around her arm, they heard echoing through the closed bedroom door, "Sonofabitch table. You wanna start something? Ol' Merle'll give you what for, gettin' in my way…"
Instantly, Beth groaned. "I'm gonna kill your brother."
Daryl, looking like he was biting back a hint of a smirk, started to say, "I'll go get him to settle-"
"Nope." Beth was already pushing down her blankets and climbing out of bed. "This is the third time this month! You never should have told him how we met, now he thinks he can come over here every time he gets drunk and jimmy open the lock and sleep on our couch and get pancakes in the morning."
"To be fair, you don't have to make him pancakes," Daryl remarked, raising an eyebrow as she turned to face him.
"Daryl he is a guest. When you have guests in the morning, you make them breakfast. Even if they are selfish louts who like to leer and make inappropriate comments and break people's nice things." Before Daryl could do more than rub his hand across his forehead, Beth cut in firmly, "And don't say I should keep the breakable things up higher! Even Sunshine can manage not to knock down every nice thing I own and she's a cat. You know how much I loved that little porcelain bird he shattered the last time he broke in here. It was the first thing you ever got me…"
"I know, Beth, but-"
"But nothing. This is the last time he's breaking in here like this and ruining our home!" And then, as if in emphasis (or perhaps just as an example of Merle's really fucking horrible timing), there came another shattering crash from the living room.
Merle's voice rose in a curse echoed by Beth's own (albeit less foul) exclamations as she leaned over, snatched her stuffed cow from beside the bed, and stormed through the bedroom door dressed only in one of Daryl's oversized t-shirts.
She stopped only long enough to flick on the light switch and Daryl, stumbling after her with a groan, reached the doorway just in time to find her stomping right up to her brother and whacking him in the arm with her cow. "Merle Dixon that is the last straw. Stop breaking into our home and stop breaking all my nice things or I-" Thump. "-swear-" Thump. "-to-" Thump. "-god-" Thump.
"Damn woman, what the hell!" Merle pushed out with both hands, swaying in place as he tried to fend off the admittedly strong-armed attack. "The hell you hittin' me for, sweet tits? Is that a stuffed animal? Fucking shit-"
"It's a cow-" Thump. "And his name is Mister Moo!" Thump. "And I'm hitting you because-" Thump. "You keep breaking my things!"
Daryl let Beth get one more whack in with her cow before he came up behind her, slowly sliding one muscular arm around her waist and tugging her back. She didn't fight him, at least. Just exhaled in a sigh and leaned back into him, letting him hold her slender body back against his. Ignoring his brother standing there confused and clearly wasted, Daryl nuzzled into the crook of her neck, whispering reassurances until she calmed for him.
"I'm fine," she murmured softly. "Honestly I am. But he broke my little blue bowl, Daryl. That was hand made! I got it at that first flea market we went to together, remember?"
"I remember, baby girl." The nickname, usually intimately reserved for their private moments, got a snicker from Merle… although his brother stopped short the moment Beth raised her cow again, and then it was Daryl's turn to chuckle as Merle took a step back, hands raised to ward off any other attacks.
With Daryl's arm still around her waist, Beth settled with a drawn-out sigh and a shake of her head. When he was confident he wasn't gonna get hit again, Merle slowly lowered his hands to peer blearily at Beth and Daryl both. "Y' want me to leave, then?"
"No," Beth said with another sigh.
"But you gotta stop doin' this, Merle." Daryl shook his head at his brother and the mess he'd left, from the open window to the shattered bowl on the ground. "We gotta find some other solution."
"I've already thought of something." Beth's exasperated words caught both brothers by surprise, but not for long. As she went on in a no-nonsense tone, Daryl's surprise settled into fondness, though the wide-eyed look on Merle's face remained. "We'll get you a key made tomorrow, Merle, and I'm gonna put the lights on a sensor. I already talked to the landlord. They'll come on when you come in so you can find your way to the couch, and then turn off once you pass out, alright? Just try to lock the door or at least shut it after you come inside. You think you can do that?"
Almost comically stunned, all Merle seemed able to do was nod his head, even as he stepped back and thumped his scrawny ass down onto their couch. "Alright, sweet tits."
"And no more calling me sweet tits!" She explained more firmly, pointing at him with the hand that clutched Mister Moo, the sight of which had him freezing instantly. "And tomorrow, you clean up the mess you made, you hear? After you do, I'll make you pancakes, but don't expect to get chocolate chips. Frankly, you don't deserve them."
And with that, chin thrust out and nose turned up, Beth untangled herself from Daryl's arms and strode determinedly back to their bedroom.
It was left to Daryl to close the open window, but as he latched it shut and headed right after her, he heard Merle remark lowly, "You know what? I like that girl. She's got fire."
All he could do was grin. Well, and be glad that he hadn't provoked her attack that first night he'd stumbled in here drunk.
Cause yeah, his girl had fire... but she also had a really strong arm.
