"How are you feeling today?"

"Embarrassed." A beat. "Pissed off." A huff of a chuckle. "God, if he wasn't already so far behind in my class, I'd be failing him for this."

Xander tries to press himself so far into the wall that he's not visible from the open doorway. He's just walked Cordy to class while he's got a free period. He'd been walking past the computer lab when he saw Giles enter from the other door. Neither he nor Miss Calendar noticed Xander lingering. Nothing unusual there, then.

He shouldn't be spying on them. However, Xander is a glutton for punishment and full of guilt over what he put them through yesterday, so he decides to stick around and hear what they have to say to each other. He can't really see them, only their shadows as they stand near her desk.

"You're letting him off too easily," Giles replies. "I'm still of the mind to kill him for being so stupid."

"We were all young, hormonal and stupid once," Miss Calendar chides gently.

"What does age have to do with it?"

Xander swallows and thinks this is the time he should bolt, but he's rooted to the spot wishing he could get a better vantage point to see them as they go quiet. He can imagine how they're looking at one another, eyes locked, full of the same longing he sees in both of them when they see each other in the hall.

"I should go," Giles sounds tired and reluctant.

Xander shakes his head.

"Right," she exhales.

Xander watches Giles's shadow approach the door.

"I don't know why I was hoping for more when you came to check on me," her voice follows the librarian. "Rupert, I just want to talk," she promises.

Giles pauses just inside the doorway; he adjusts his glasses before turning back to her. "Jenny, I can't give you more than this right now."

"I don't expect you to forgive me," Jenny blathers on, her voice getting closer. "I just, I just want you to know I didn't lie to you about us."

"How am I meant to believe you?"

"Rupert," Miss Calendar pleads. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"You think any of this would hurt this way if I didn't-" Giles counters fiercely. The room is silent, and a long beat passes. "If I didn't care about you." Everything goes still as Giles softly, "If I could stop caring about you."

"You think it's any different for me?" Miss Calendar counters, her voice catching. "Rupert, I wouldn't be trying to explain myself if you meant nothing to me. I know you're going to stand by Buffy, and I don't expect any different, but what I have to say to you isn't about Buffy."

Xander holds his breath.

"Only it is, isn't it?" Giles leaves before Miss Calendar can respond.

He doesn't notice Xander lingering in the hall as he heads in the opposite direction, pushing through the library doors at the end of the hall. Xander waits for a moment before moving closer to the classroom. He hears Miss Calendar release a shaky breath before moving around her room.

With her back to him, she doesn't see him either as she goes from desk to desk. Xander watches as she wipes her fingers across her cheek. Xander watches her for a moment, her shoulders shaking slightly as she tries to maintain composure.

Xander backs away from the door, turning on his heel to follow Giles. He drops his shoulder bag at the desk and picks up some books from the returns trolley. He heads up to the stacks, where Giles is with his own returns. Xander doesn't say anything as he checks the spine of the first book – he's spent the better part of the last year hanging out in the library, and he knows what to do with the returns.

"Xander," comes Gile's brisque greeting. "What are you doing here?"

"I like to call it penance," Xander replies in his usual sardonic way. "I just wanted to apologise for yesterday. I messed up."

He tries not to appear frightened as Giles eyes him warily. Giles isn't likely to forgive him easily for what happened yesterday and he knows Xander isn't the kind to just show up and ask for forgiveness. Xander waits until Giles goes back to filing before doing the same. They work in silence with Giles only correcting him once.

"Look, tell me it's none of my business, but I'd like to let you in on an observation I made yesterday," Xander begins with his back to Giles. He hears Giles stop and turn. Xander glances over his shoulder to find Giles staring at him with his usual withering glare. Xander's come this far, he might as well see this through. "So, um, yesterday, I uh, I mean, when I was running from the female population of this town, I couldn't help noticing reactions of different women."

Giles tuts, folding his arms across his chest. Xander holds his stare, thinking about Miss Calendar wiping her cheek as she held back a sob.

"Of all the women, I'd say that uh, Miss Calendar-." Giles cocks an eyebrow at him. "-was the, let's say, slowest to react and definitely the most compliant before she joined the angry mob."

Xander pauses, noticing how Giles' jaw is set, fully aware that Giles can enforce more punishment on him beyond spending the rest of the school year stacking books in detention. He's got books on torture techniques that don't even cover any spells he has at his disposal. It makes Oz's right hook pale in comparison.

"And I was kind of wondering why that was," he continues. "All I could figure was that it was probably because of you."

Giles' expression flickers but he doesn't say anything, compelling Xander to ramble on with his theory to fill the silence. He isn't asking for forgiveness here, not for himself or Miss Calendar, he just wants to offer Giles some perspective. Though, if anyone valued his opinion, Xander isn't entirely sure how Miss Calendar could prevent Angel from losing his soul with the vague instruction from her family to watch him. Obviously, her family and Buffy thought differently.

"I mean, you were here, in the room and she didn't put up much of a fight when you dragged her out of here. It wasn't a drag-out fight like the others. My opinion isn't worth much, I know, but I thought maybe you should think about that."

"Xander," Giles starts tiredly, removing his glasses

"What do think? Maybe the spell was slower to work on her because of you. I mean you guys are-."

Xander can't think of any reason she'd be able to, knowingly or not, resist the love spell if she wasn't already in the presence of the person she was already in love with. He doesn't think it's his place to say that to Giles, not when they clearly hadn't admitted it to each other before they broke up. That doesn't mean it isn't true though.

"Xander, I appreciate what you're trying to say-."

"Look, Buffy's one of my best friends and I'm going to stand beside her. But she's not exactly objective right now, not when it comes to Angel or any of the fall-out from that." Xander cuts in calmly.

He's tired of seeing all of them in pain, in fear, because of Angelus. He knows how happy Giles was when Miss Calendar was around, he saw that reflected in Miss Calendar and that's pretty hard to fake. He also knows it's harder to fake the hurt they feel, especially if it's still there when they don't think anyone's watching. Miss Calendar wiping the tears from her cheek will stay with him.

"I'm not exactly objective, either, when it comes to Angel but, uh, Miss Calendar seemed like she wanted to talk to you and maybe you should start listening."

Xander goes back to his task, leaving Giles to think about what he's said. He doesn't expect him to go rushing out to find Miss Calendar, he just hopes he listens to what he has to say. He isn't surprised when Giles comes up beside him to return his pile of books to the stacks.

"Thank you for your observations, Xander, I'll take them under advisement."