(Interest)

I had ended up confined to bed for yet another week.

Another slew of days spent in the saturated brightness of the hospital ward where nothing ever happened.

I just lay back, moving forward in time.

Commander Ikari stopped by a few times, acting much like his usual self, like those few glimmers of a very different person had just been my imagination. He never once mentioned the son that I never knew he had.

It was almost reassuring, in a way.

Some diffuse, childlike part of me might have feared that he would cease to pay attention to me now that his real child was returned to his side – I'd presume, after having been sequestered away somewhere to keep him beyond the reach of SEELE. The boy might not have known it, but there was a great role set out for him, too, in the grand plan of fate, ordained since time immemorial.

It was probably for the best that he had been kept ignorant – man can only have hope because he cannot see death looming over his shoulder.

It seemed a kindness to leave him believing that the future was not already fixed, the precise date of Third Impact not already scheduled, for even if he had known, he would have been as powerless to change it as I am, and having spent all my life knowing of my fixed fate, I don't wish it on anyone else – somebody has to know, to be able to act upon that knowledge, but I would rather it were me.

Eventually, there came a day when I was deemed fit to be discharged from the hospital.

Before leaving me to go, the nurse overseeing my release had one more errand to take care of:

"So, would it be possible for you to come by every day to get your bandages changed? What time would work for you?"

"Is that needed? Could you show me how to do it myself?"

"I- I guess so…"

She seemed a bit irritated, perhaps not used to leaving such young patients to their own devices.

She didn't know the full story, of course. I was designed to be self-sufficient.

"But won't you have trouble with the ones around your head at least, if you can't use your arm?"

"I can ask Dr. Akagi to take care of that whenever I come to headquarters for training and experiments."

"They want to put you back on duty already?"

"Not combat duty. Unit Zero is still being repaired. But I must be ready for when it is finished – Until Unit Two arrives from Europe, I am the only experienced pilot."

I was ordered to rest at home for a couple more days, but not long after, I was cleared to go back to school, though I was to hold off on participating in physical education for at least two more weeks.

Thus, it seems that everything would go back to the way it was before, even with the advent of war.

The end of the world or not, people were expected to keep going to work, to participate in other expected activities that society deemed necessary – had they known what was coming, they might just all have quit their jobs and spent the last months of the present world with their families, making amends to old grudges, or finally asking out the beloved they had never dared to approach – or maybe they would not have.

Though the certainty of the end was known only to a select few, the risk of it should have been apparent to most, especially those living in this city.

On my way to school, I could spot the clusters of tower cranes and scaffolding that had sprung up around the city blocks that had been damaged in the battle – though, of course, the retractable tower design of the inner city ensured that at least some of the basic infrastructure could always be kept functioning – or be permanently moved underground if it should become inevitable to abandon the surface settlement.

The Geofront had been designed as a completely autonomous colony so that it could continue to give battle and support a genetically diverse population even if all the world above us should be burned down to cinders.

In the utmost extremity, it was even possible to operate NERV headquarters as a completely automated basis, maintained only by an arbitrarily reduced skeleton crew – or a crew of Dummies, if those could be made to work. Though it was not expected that this should ever come to pass, it had been endeavored to account for every possible contingency from the very start – and yet, the traces of devastation that I could see left outside the window on my morning streetcar ride proved that all the preparations had come to nothing -

In the end, it was only the will of EVA 01 that had saved us all. No one at NERV had even truly known how one really defeats an angel, but she did, perhaps out of some instinctive knowledge, being the same kind of being as Sachiel.

In any case, the Commander's supreme faith in his creation had proved warranted in all ways – though he had been involved in the creation of other EVAs also, yet it seems only Unit One was afforded such special importance. Then again, I knew that it was a special experimental test model, constructed in a process different from the others, by arcane means that could not be repeated – it was the arcane masterpiece of Project E, though most people did not know this.

In contemplating what remained of the devastation, I was also conscious that I was not even looking at its worst, seeing as I'd been laid up in the hospital for the early stages of the cleanup – for example, there was nothing left to be seen or the reeking bloody soup that Sachiel left behind in xier destruction, having disintegrated thoroughly after the collapse of xier AT-field.

I'd overheard the technicians at NERV speaking about it – many of them were chilled to the core by the sight, feeling all too reminded of the tragedy of Second Impact.

I had not lived through that of course, so my only thought was that this same manner of disintegration would be visited upon all of us in due time, come the day of Third Impact – or well, rather everyone except me.

I would already be gone then, gone to my dissolution if I had not already perished a long time before that – then it would be a different 'Ayanami Rei' who would fill the grim part of humanity's final executioner.

The people would not know, in the last hour, that they were meant to be reborn into a different, better world – at times, I found it hard to picture it myself.

The Commander once told me that he wanted me to have a long and healthy life in that new world, which was not possible for my current, physical vessel.

But that was a non-answer by its very foundation since I was created in the manner that I was to bring the change about. He must have planned it, therefore, before there was any 'me' to be benefited by his revolution.

He was leaving me in the dark there, much like he had never told me about the very existence of his wife and son.

He described it in very desirable terms of course – A world where there are no AT fields, where humanity shares one heart and mind equally. A world where there are no barriers between individuals – no rich, no poor, no discrimination, no wars, no abuse, no pain nor sorrow – a restful world, of only pure, unsullied souls.

He said that, for a human who had been forced to live inside this world, this would be the most desirable thing imaginable – something they all coveted beyond bounds, even if they would not admit it.

He said, also, that it was merely a means of returning the world and its souls to what was once its original state – and besides, the only means for humanity to continue at all, for the end of its existence in its present form had been decreed long ago, a fate sealed the moment that two seeds of life had come to land on the same planet by a cosmic mishap.

The only other choices were eradication by the angels, or SEELE's scheme to usurp their place before the throne of the divine, which would in effect see all of humanity as a sacrificial offering to birth a mightier being in which very little of their original essence would remain – which, so far as the Commander and his allies saw it, was not meaningfully distinct from death.

It is what I was created to do, my only justification for living, so I will do it, but, beyond that, I can't say that I have much hope or attachment towards it – I'm fairly indifferent to the outcome, but that is probably because I am not human.

I have only lived in this world a short time, and in that brief interval, I have only just barely participated in it. I have not really known the full force of those ills that the Commander wants to be rid of, nor do I fear the erasure that SEELE's victory would bring with it.

I suppose that I am carrying out what I was tasked to do by humans, on behalf of humans.

Once I made it to the classroom, I found that the number of students had much diminished – as much as one-third of the seats were left empty, and did not keep filling as the beginning of class drew nearer.

People must have been getting their families out of the city, knowing not that Third Impact would catch up with them no matter how far they ran.

I wondered distantly how long it would take until the classroom would be completely emptied out.

Now as before, I was only here to take up space and be seen doing it, so I silently wandered over to my seat and set myself down.

My renewed presence may have been marked by some of my classmates, or it might not have – I honestly did not pay too much attention.

My gaze was rather more drawn towards the clouds that lightly dotted the sky.

The only person to come up to me and outright remark on my return was the ever-dutiful class representative.

"Ayanami-san! You're back!"

She was trying to look at my face, but her eyes kept fluttering back to my various bandages.

I suppose she was not used to seeing people in such an injured state.

"Oh dear… did you get hurt in that giant robot incident?"

"Among other things."

"I see…"

Horaki-san appeared somewhat disconcerted.

"Uh, anyway – I'll go get you your printouts right away. And there's one more thing – we've actually gotten a new classmate while you were absent – over there."

The face that she was glancing at was not new to me.

But of course.

It figured that, if the Commander's son had been added to the pilot roster, he would be added to the designated pilot candidate class as well.

I could only kind of see the back of his head, but I recognized him. I don't think he was aware of our conversation, since he appeared to be wearing his earbuds.

"Uh, you don't seem too surprised…" remarked Horaki-san. "Then again, I guess you usually don't – not that I mean anything weird by that or anything!"

I had nothing to answer to that.

"Anyway. His name is Ikari Shinji-kun. He joined us just a few days ago, but it seems that he's not very talkative. It's been about a week since he transferred already – I'm a little worried that he might be having trouble making friends…"

She continued talking for a while, mostly informing me about students that had transferred away.

I could not recall most of their faces, so, I had very little to add in response.

I could not help but wonder, however – what sort of a person was the Commander's son?

This mysterious real flesh-and-blood child of his to whim I owed my continued existence.

It's not that I was glad to keep existing, though – rather, I found it curious that he had thought my existence worth preserving. I let me feel as if it were so for just a moment, I suppose.

Though it was only an incidentally, passive sort of pondering that I saw no reason to pursue further.

He was simply something new, a notable novelty inside my usual, unchanging days.

I found myself glancing at him, however, sometimes, both in class and at NERV – though we had yet to be sent into training simulations together since they were still catching him up on the basics.

Synchronization tests were already held together, however, so I could sometimes see him from a distance.

Like the class representative had asserted, he was not very talkative and for the most part kept to himself, keeping his head lowered and speaking only when addressed by Captain Katsuragi and the technicians.

...so there were full-blooded humans like that, as well.

Though if you compared us, he would have been easily discernible as the genuine article.

I had a lot of time to sit in silence, and often was not required to pay attention to anyone else or engaged in any other conversation, so I got to look at him very closely.

Though restrained, the barely concealed whirlpools of emotion were not far beneath his surface, rather apparent in those sullen, watery eyes.

Though it wasn't noted much – Since myself and Unit Zero were still out of commission, the people of NERV could not dare to doubt their only hope.

They accepted his taciturn, miserable presence, just as they had accepted mine, though perhaps they were just a bit more willing to put on a pretense of friendliness within because he was of their own kind – or just to assuage their own shame.

He'd not been used to this since childhood. He had not been conditioned to just accept it.

He responded as any of my classmates would have so, it was harder to forget he was an innocent.

He had not learned yet to fade into the background with the furniture.

Curiously, I don't think I ever saw him conversing with the Commander.

I woke up to find that I had bled through my bandages.

My pillow and bedsheets showed several ugly stains some of which were already in the process of drying.

I think they may not have applied enough pressure.

Perhaps I should have let the nurses at headquarters take care of affixing them after all.

Though then again, what does it matter?

It couldn't really get infected, not by the microbes of this planet.

And if I perished, they would just replace me.

In fact, the process might be hastened if I informed Dr. Akagi that I was healing every bit as badly as she had prognosticated – I was a wetware product past my shelflife in the end…

That said, she would surely ascertain my condition during my next visit to headquarters.

But for now, I just remained laying exactly where I was, holding on to what feeble scraps or a choice I might have – Some choice, where my only options are to keep heaping new suffering upon myself and to watch myself go to rot.

Though I wondered if mushrooms and maggots would even be able to devour me, made as I was of material foreign to this world.

Perhaps I would just evaporate like dry ice, or melt to a sludge just as Sachiel had.

I did not usually pay attention to the ways that my classmates liked to repurpose the school laptops' messaging function to send each other notes unrelated to class – I barely even used it for its intended function, preferring very much to work on my own rather than as part of a group.

This had suited me fine in the past two years, but this once, I ended up paying it no heed the one time that I should have.

I did not realize what had transpired until the other students were already standing up in droves, filling up the room with all manner of clamor – and turning at once in the very same direction, despite Horaki-san's best efforts to contain the chaos.

Only in hindsight did I see what had happened.

Now, why would the Commander's son actually answer that question? Had Captain Katsuragi not instructed him to refrain from spreading classified information?

...should I inform the Commander?

No, it's likely that someone from the Security Division would be able to tell him well before I could.

Besides, this was low-level information anyways – it was bound to get out at least as soon as the Third Child and I kept disappearing from view instead of heading to the shelters with the others.

The cat was out of the bag, anyway, there was nothing left to be done.

I did not think of confronting him, because it would not change a thing.

There'd be no point in interfering; I thought it best to just stay where I was and keep looking out the window.

...

As fate would have it, it was on that very day that the next enemy would arrive.

As soon as I heard the beeping of my pager, I headed to the staircase that lead down to the hidden accessway in the basement, and waited there – but my new co-pilot showed no sign of arriving.

I decided that it was best to look for him – Since both he and his EVA were the ones in prime fighting condition, he was arguably more important right now than I could ever be.

I found him, oddly enough, lying on the floor in the yard, limply observing the same clouds whose aimless drifting I had often followed. His bag lay discarded a few paces back and he had his headphones on, which might explain why he had not heard the pager.

...was that… blood on his face?

I suppose that it was none of my concern.

I stepped closer to ensure that I would fall into his field of vision.

Then, at least, he finally leaned forward, pulling out one of his earbuds.

"There's an emergency", I explained, "I'll go on ahead."

This time, I could more or less dress myself in my plugsuit, though I still needed the help of the technicians to close the collar.

I was brought to my plug to remain on standby – The technicians had hastily closed Unit Zero's chest plates back up, though they still felt tender on her flesh when I connected.

In our own ways, I suppose the both of us braced for the worst once again, but in the end, we did not wind up being deployed at all.

The day after the second battle, the Third Child did not show up for his scheduled synchronization test.

The simulation plug he had come to occupy over the past few weeks was left inactive.

"Where is the pilot of Unit One?" I remarked to Dr. Akagi. "Why is he not participating?"

"Hm…" She deliberated on how to choose her words. "That's probably because that last battle was a little bit too much for him."

"Why?"

Hard-boiled as she was, the Doctor flinched at that, for reasons beyond my understanding.

"You wouldn't understand – Don't concern yourself with it. Just get to your plug."

I did as I was told.

He was not at school either.

Presumably, this was still because of the battle.

I was surprised at first, but when I thought it over, I suppose it did make sense – I'd read in books that becoming a soldier can be very hard on a person.

I wouldn't know – I had been one all my life. I had never 'become' one, nor was I even really a 'person'.

Besides, the Commander's son was younger than what is typically considered suitable for soldiers.

So this was really the most expected outcome, once you really consider it…

As I was pondering this, I was sitting, as usual, at my spot at the window, abstracted in contemplation.

I was almost a little startled when I found myself suddenly spoken to.

It was that freckly-faced boy with the puffy brown hair.

He tends to sit two rows ahead of me; I didn't really recall his name.

"Uh, Ayanami?"

It seems he saw the need to approach me with some caution.

"Yes?"

"Would you, by any chance, happen to have the new kid's phone number?"

It had been given to me in case of emergency of course.

"Why do you want it?"

"Just some – personal business. A matter of honor."

Aha?

I might have slightly raised an eyebrow.

Either way, I ripped a page out of my notebook and scribbled down the Third Child's number, which the freckled boy was ready to take.

I wonder faintly what kind of request he might be meaning to make of the Commander's son.

...

The next time I was called to NERV, it was for a thorough scan.

I was laid up in nothing but my underpants and the bandages, laid into a narrow, coffin-like cabin, though after all my days in calibration tubes and entry plugs, I was fairly immune to any kind of claustrophobia.

Once again, I was just a body, no different from any other material sample being imaged in detail.

In the next room, Dr. Akagi and Captain Katsuragi were speaking like I was not even there.

I overheard something curious, though, while they were talking: It appears that the Third Child had gone missing.

Captain Katsuragi wondered if it might not be better for him; Apparently, she found his great recklessness to be a cause for concern.

Though I could understand why he might not care too much about what will happen to him if he's been taken out of a normal life like what our classmates have, and made to be a pilot.

Why would he not destroy himself, if he feels he does not fully own himself?

It comes with the territory of being a pilot – part of a living weapon.

I can hardly bear it so I can't fathom what it must be like for him, a human being who had received no training or preparation.

His own life might be the one thing he controls, the one leverage he has over this grand, organized machinery.

I do not even have that way out – if I jumped off some cliff, they would just bring me back.

I too hope that he runs far, far away.

He could be free – he could find happiness and connection outside of EVA.

So it seems right that he should leave it to me, who has no other choice.

...

I dimly appreciate that the Commander sometimes takes his time to set down a little folding chair next to the calibration tube in the Dummy plug plant and keep me company throughout the process, even if he says very little.

I hate it here.

I know what's in the walls, many of them produced as part of the same batch as I, tracing out beginning to the same 32-Well-Plate.

I know what's above the tube, contained in that vaguely organic contraction – the first product of the series, the first Dummy, designed initially to run with a wholly artificial soul before the one I currently have was later procured by different means – the misshapen flesh that could be termed as clone number zero.

There was not much left now, aside from her brain, head, and spine, though she was still quite useful as the physical receptacle of my skills and memories, the means through which to copy them onto the other dummies, eternally encased in glass and LCL so that she could serve as a reference by which to calibrate me, and all that could follow me – one of the many that were right here, beyond the glass, floating in the gloom.

This was the original set, produced in several batches of twelve, but Dr. Akagi had also considered some plans for more advanced versions, or grown a couple of clones with slightly tweaked recipes, like a version optimized for hypothetical deployments in orbit, for example – but before the basic proof of concept for the Dummy System had been obtained, those were basically just the vessels of pipe dreams.

The worst part about them is that they always look so happy, never having known the pain of living, the burdens of feelings, of thought – of a fragile little sliver of individuality that would have made them different from one another.

I envy them as much as I loathe them.

...

The next that I heard anything about the whereabouts of the Third Child, I was following the Commander and Dr. Akagi down an escalator.

He had been found, but, it appears that he was adamant about leaving the city – He was formally resigning, from the sound of it.

The Commander appeared unperturbed: "That doesn't matter. We'll just reconfigure Unit One for Rei."

Dr. Akagi glanced at me, for some reason.

Somehow, what she saw left her unsettled.

"...Are you really alright with this? "

The Commander showed no more signs of doubt than I.

For why would I be surprised, that I am being put to the very same work I was created for?

The appearance of the 'Third Child' was a part of the Dead Sea Scrolls prophecy that the Commander had been looking to avert, but had accounted for in the case that it should come to pass. It had seemed for a moment that we may be traveling down that contingency route, but now it would seem that this diversion from the original plan would be but a short blip.

It seems that I would never see him again, nor would I learn why he had volunteered to fight in my place that day… but then again, I may not have found this out even if he had stayed.

Our strength of arms would be reduced for a while, but that would soon be remedied with the arrival of Unit Two.

I was surprised, however, that the Commander showed no discernible intention to journey to the train station so that he might see his son off.

I thought I had somewhat understood the concept of human families from the books I'd read, but now I was no longer so sure….

...

The stains on my pillow have grown dry, flakey, and crusty now, but I still haven't gotten to replace the sheets.

It's difficult with one arm, yes, but that is not it.

I've been throwing the used bandages in a cardboard box that has been standing there since I moved in. It's light enough that I could lift and dispose of it even now, but so far, I haven't.

It just doesn't seem worth it.

Nothing does.

I don't really see why I would do anything at all, some of the time.

I have little to look forward to.

What's the worst that could happen if I don't?

They'll have to activate another clone who will probably be in better condition?

Does not seem like a tragedy to me…

Though once again, it is that hypothetical future me that makes me waver, for if she existed, she would have to endure this, too.

This, mostly, is what makes me walk over to the fridge and take my allotted daily pill out of its wrapper.

Time to force the blasted thing down my throat, just for the privilege of having to do it again another day.

There had been some days – the most painful days – when I had considered just not taking it, to wait and see what would happen.

This time, I chased off that thought by looking at the Commander's glasses. I still had a purpose. I still wanted to finish that book right there next to them.

Besides, there would be no point.

They would just bring me back.

...

"So, will I be training with Unit One today?"

"Eh, actually, no."

Dr. Akagi seemed somewhat surprised by this herself. She did not look at me, continuing to type away at her station to configure the machines in preparation for the synchronization test.

"It seems that Shinji-kun has decided to stay after all. He's been granted a few days of leave to recover, but next week he'll be back in action – so we're leaving you assigned to Unit Zero for the moment."

...this was puzzling.

I could not understand what in this world could have tempted him to stay.

"Why?"

"Hm?"

"Why would he stay."

"Ah… why indeed. I suppose it must have been Misato. Then again, who knows. Teenagers and all that…"

"What would his age have to do with it?"

It appeared to me like a bit of a fundamental attribution error – I had certainly heard of hormones and maturing frontal lobes but whatever the basic conditions governing his choices, there must still have been a concrete reason

Dr. Akagi, however, didn't seem to think that it would be worth expounding on.

"You wouldn't understand – frustrating as it may be, human beings don't exactly tend to act according to the laws of logic. Especially while they're young and foolish. Too many messy feelings."

I was clearly not counted among the number of such youths, according to her.

But could I deny that I wasn't like them?

Still. I did not see what about it would be so utterly beyond me as she thinks – can she not try to explain? I just don't understand why he would come back to a place where only pain is waiting for him.

A few days later, I passed the Third Child in the corridors.

He was returned indeed.

He was walking with Captain Katsuragi, still in his uniform – but he stood frozen on his spot once he saw me.

Regrettable, but expected.

"So you didn't quit." I remarked.

I think that noise he made would have been considered an awkward laugh.

"Yeah, I… I decided to come back."

"You did not have to. I could have piloted EVA 01 just as well."

Then, having said all I was meaning to say, I stepped right past him.

I did not stay to listen to whatever he might go on to discuss with Captain Katsuragi.

On the upper floor of the Dummy Plug plant, overlooking both the tanks below and the mechanism atop it, there was a little curtained-off section, some grating in the floor that allowed water to drain off, and a separate section, still within that same open-top rectangle, housing some machines and analytics equipment.

There was a cardboard boy which at some point contained some of the equipment, but nowadays, I generally used it to dump my clothes in it before stepping inside here – this section was generally used for me to shower and change clothes before and after a session in the calibration tube.

As part of it, Dr. Akagi would sometimes monitor my state and perform any necessary maintenance – for the last weeks, she would for example have put on fresh bandages.

By now, I'd slowly moved past the need for most of them, except for the cotton patch over my still bruised right eye.

I'd been drying off my hair as Dr. Akagi went about giving me my usual injections.

"There were no abnormalities in your test results today – You haven't noticed any other problems in your body, right?"

"No."

"No abnormalities in your consciousness, either?"

"No."

Having plunged the needle into my arm with one quick, callous motion, she threw a side-glance at my discarded clothes. "I can't believe you still wear such boring underwear."

"I don't see any problem with it."

"Really?" she asks, wearing an ice-cold smirk. "Maybe the Commander would like it if you got something a little cuter..."

I really do not understand what Commander Ikari has got to do with something as trivial as my underwear, surely, when she makes decisions as the leader of the scientific division, she does not consult his attention for every little thing.

Though I suspect that there is some other intention here, just from the tone of her voice, even if I can't quite put it together.

She sometimes makes… strange comments like that. Inexplicable things that slip through in between her courteous, professional veneer.

I didn't realize it for a long time at first, but by now, I am fairly certain that I am being mocked here.

Best not to encourage her, or to give her any response that may further displease her.

She's still got that big needle poking into my arm.

I try mostly to ignore it when she does that, to respond and interact only as my orders strictly require.

Best to not even look at her.

"...there is no need for that."

...

I saw something curious, just a few days later.

I was making my way back to the classroom after recess, when, halfway along the walkway connecting two parts of the building complex, I noticed a familiar figure standing down in the yard past the window.

There was the Third Child, but not alone.

The freckled boy was with him, and another one, the tall boy who was often out of dress code.

I'd think I'd seen these two sticking close together on occasion, but I couldn't be sure.

They were talking.

No, wait…

Was the Third Child about to smack the tall boy?

Should I get one of the teachers?

...No. Now they were just talking again. There did not seem to be a brawl.

No need to get involved in something I did not understand, though it was puzzling indeed...

The days progressed; The sun kept glaring.

The end kept crawling closer, moment by moment by moment, though you wouldn't have known it from taking a look around the classroom, empty benches notwithstanding.

It was a common occurrence now, to see the Third Child arriving together with the freckled boy and the tall, sporty youth – or hanging around their desks, walking around with them during recess – that sort of thing.

I don't think Horaki-san needed to worry about integrating him into the class anymore.

He'd gotten a lot more expressive since then, both at school, and at NERV, where he could now at times be seen bantering with Captain Katsuragi or even just earnestly complaining in a way that he would not have before. The change was great, though, in the end, it seems that he was not so different from the other youths in our class at all.

It was around then, I think, that he first got the idea of trying to approach me, though I would not realize for quite some time that this had been his intention.

It had now been more than a month since his addition to the pilot roster.

I'd been cleared of all patches and bandages, but I was still to abstain from physical education – thus, I ended up sitting off to the side while the other girls in our class took turns swimming.

I was just sort of staring off into the distance, contemplating the glittering surface of the water.

Not far from me, some girls who had already finished swimming their rounds were locked in conversation.

"Hand me the towel real quick, I think the boys are looking at us…"

"Suzuhara is the worst!"

"But I think the new guy is cute!"

"Hey! Hey! IKARI-KUN~"

It was merely a passing, incidental curiosity that led me to hazard a look downward – he was there indeed, sitting just beside the other boys while the other half of them was busy running laps.

But he didn't seem to be looking at the cluster of girls who had just been chanting his name, but rather – straight at me?

No, that couldn't be. I must be mistaken.

I don't know any possible reason why that could be, other than perhaps coincidence.

So I turned back to the pool.

But maybe my impression was right.

Because later that day, during recess, he came forth to address me on his own accord while I was reading during recess.

"Uh- Hello. Ayanami, right?"

Of course, at the time, this only served to confuse me.

I could not tell why he was speaking to me. I did not think that talking to be could be an end onto itself.

I looked up straight at him, looking for anything that may explain his presence.

"Do you need something?"

"Er- I don't necessarily need something, but-"

"Then why are you here?"

I honestly just wanted to know, because I couldn't explain it.

But it seems that is not how he took it: "I just – No reason. Sorry to bother you. I'll just, leave you to your book, and stuff."

I never said that I was bothered.

Had I done something wrong again?

Perhaps Dr. Akagi was right, and I would never quite understand some fine nuances of human beings – in the end, I suppose it did not really matter.

All I really needed to understand were the orders I would need to pilot my EVA; That alone counted. Though it was an incredibly sad thought, to think that there was something I would forever be constitutionally incapable of comprehending.