(Pity)
The man known as 'Kaji' turned out to be Inspector Ryoji Kaji of the investigations division.
So that was his rank. His function. His role in the long-ordained stageplay of fate.
In truth, he had been one of Commander Ikari's informants for a while.
I was not informed of this before, since it was not deemed relevant until then.
Indeed, I did not find out until my next visit to headquarters, for routine maintenance and experiments at first, but it ended with me bearing witness as the Commander and the Vice Commander discussed matters of plans and strategy over dinner.
It was not usual for the Commander to invite me to join in – I figure he thought it convenient, or so I reminded myself, lest I allow myself to entertain any illusions or humor that seat of meager ambiguous warmth I experienced at the prospect of at least being thought of.
As usual, I was seated at the other end of the table. I'd been given some water to wash down my prescribed medications. I was typically silent as the two older men went on and on in their discussions.
I understood most of what they said – some of it had been explained to me, much I just figured out and put together on my own from years of observation, of hearing it discussed within earshot while undergoing one procedure or another. This I had supplemented by my own reading to reconstruct the meanings, fill such gaps as I had in my understanding.
It was remarked sometimes, by Ikari-kun for example, that my level of reading appeared advanced for my age, but it was not a difference of ability but focus -
The project was my entire life, my only pursuit.
It held my attention, as other things didn't. So I knew of prophecies and cell cultures and AT-Fields, but grasped not the jokes and conversations of my classmates, who had been reared with a broader attention, to learn socialization, popular culture, and a great many other things.
Thus, while I seldom spoke during these meetings unless prompted by those present, I would be listening, piecing together a map of the web of facts and interconnections that made up the circumstance of my existence.
It was not even really much of a directed process – directed to what purpose?
I was simply wont to retain things, to piece them together.
Perhaps it was a futile quest for meaning, even in the awareness that there is no meaning to be found but the one already fixed.
Of the slot allotted to Inspector Kaji in that great network, I learned only when he dropped in on our dinner to deliver a report, in the same smirking manner as before, though a few notes more serious as befitted the occasion.
Still he cracked some joke as he left – still I felt his gaze brushing against me, marking my presence, an observant sharpness in his eyes that was untouched by his smile.
Not long after the door sealed shut, Vice Commander Fuyutsuki let out the sigh he had been holding in.
"Can we really trust him?"
The Commander did not shift or stir from his position, his answer dry and matter-of-factly:
"Of course, we can't – but neither can anyone else. If he's willing to double-cross both SEELE and the ministry of interior affairs, he must not have great loyalty to either."
"Nor to us." surmised Fuyutsuki, voice tinged with pessimism.
"We do not require his loyalty." asserted the Commander, unshakable in his calm. "It's enough if he is loyal only to his own agenda. If we can rely on him to pursue that, we can predict his movements. And so it goes for all the pieces on the board - We can be certain how they will respond to any circumstance that we create. Thus, they can be useful to us – as much as someone who professes loyalty, if not more so."
"If that is how you see it…" The older man chose to restrain himself here, giving his gripe up for futile. "No, never mind. Do as you like."
"We should allow him to be useful to us, at least for a little while longer."
I had no illusions as to what might follow when that 'little while' came to an end.
I hoped, silently, that it wouldn't come to that, fully aware of how little difference an unspoken thought could be expected to make.
I had no opinion on the man at all, but the extinguishing of a life was a sorry matter no matter what.
"SEELE's scenario is being overwritten by us –" declared the Commander, draining his glass to the dregs. "Everything else in existence is only a means to that end."
