AN:

Ivy – Oh my goshh thank you so much! XOXO

Guest 1 – I've never seen Anakin as all good or all bad. I know some people see it as Anakin = good; Vader = bad. But I don't. I think that undermines the psychological motifs of Star Wars. We all have dark personality traits; the goal is to get them under control or they'll turn you into not a very nice person. It's why Luke was sent into the cave in ESB, to test his mental resilience. I understand this is a dark chapter and it's not for everyone but there is nuance there. All I can say is read what makes you happy and I hope you find something lighter lol I appreciate you reading this far xoxo

But I'm sorry I have to push back on this comment because it seems you are looking at canon through rose-coloured glasses if you think that a man cheating (when he clearly doesn't want to) and killing his manipulator is worse than killing kids. In canon, Anakin commits genocide twice. He murders defenseless people, including children. Yet we sympathize with him. The first time he commits genocide, Padme marries him. The second time he commits genocide, she begs him to run away with her. So, if you're talking from a moral standpoint, you really shouldn't be supporting this couple/romance at all! I know I wouldn't marry a man who seeks revenge by any means never mind murder. Yet here we all are, thinking they're the greatest love story ever lol because it's fiction. In fiction you can be creative, push boundaries. I'm pretty sure the people behind A Clockwork Orange didn't really sympathize with rapists. Yet that movie makes you sympathize with a rapist. And I'd never do that in real life. But that is the art of storytelling. You shouldn't confuse enjoying a story about something immoral with advocating for something immoral.

Cheire – Wow I really cannot tell you what this means to me that you are always supporting my work and sending me words of encouragement – it means everything to me! I'm surprised to hear about the Miraj/Anakin stories you've read. I guess there is an audience for everything haha! Can't imagine Anakin having a morbid attachment to someone like Miraj; Anakin's pride is a big thing – it's one of the reasons for his downfall. But everyone should write what they want in the end :D and THANK YOU there is no bigger compliment than when someone believes I am writing a character accurately! I also agree with you about Anakin and Padme. It is definitely a controversial chapter. I mean, I understand that the idea of "cheating" is an emotional trigger – it is obviously a horrible thing to do – but some people get worked up about it that they ignore context and nuance in the storytelling. xoxo

Angie – Gosh yes brutal is the right word! I mean I felt sick writing it tbh. I knew some people will come just for the rom-com part of this story and then leave because it does get quite dark and mature, and it's certainly not for everyone :D. xoxo

Guest 2 – Oh WOW! Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me this comment! Your words have made my day! It's really all I could hope for – that someone thinks the characters are well-rounded, true to canon, and feels something from the story/plot. Thank you again! xoxo

Sunmoondwindandstars – I'll put some more (clearer) tags, I don't want people to be upset or misled. But the summary does indicate that this won't stay in the tone of a rom-com. It's also rated M for mature themes. Now if you're asking about the end, I understand some people like that reassurance of a happy or unhappy ending in FF, but they'd be better off looking for an author who gives away their endings. As I've said before it's just not my thing. I don't read a book or watch a movie knowing the end. I know this story has attracted new readers and I'm very grateful for that but all my stories have a darker tone (It's the psychological thriller fan in me :D) And I write because it's a passion, and to be creative, explore character's psychology, not to "fix" canon xoxo


Under The Bridge


I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion

I walk through her hills 'cause she knows who I am

She sees my good deeds and she kisses me windy

Well, I never worry, now that is a lie


Anakin sat by the windowsill, with a lean face, supporting a cigarette between long fingers, and he had a can of air freshener to his right, a mix of lavender and Jasmine, the scent of a bubble bath with sprinkled rose petals – very Padme. It was ready to quell his cigarette staining the house by the time Padme woke up. The cigarette smoke left his mouth and evaporated out the window. He looked pale, demolished by a cold fever, perspiration dampening his hair. He had barely slept. He had the strength of a leaf fall. Thoughts rip him apart, intrusive, waiting around with the pounce of severe trauma, unexpected, trampling him in the quicksand of fear. He'll spiral into his imbedded traits that destruct everything he built. He wanted to unload it all, find comfort in Padme's arms. But every time his mind would make those rounds, he'd be in this circular box and the exits were always the same. Every door was a trap, labelled – Manslaughter of Dooku. Miraj's blackmail. Miraj's lifeless face under that pillow.

So he flicked his cigarette out the window, sprayed the air freshener, and raked a hand through his hair. They're gone. The smoke, the dead faces, the bad stuff. They're all gone now. He reassured himself. Nothing could stand in his way. He and Padme were finally free.


"You're up early."

Padme's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Was it painfully delightful or delightfully painful to try to focus with reality? He was still by the window, but thank God the cigarette stain wasn't.

He scrubbed a hand over his eyes. "Couldn't sleep."

She made her way over to him, giving his shoulder a sympathetic squeeze. He wrapped an arm around her, his splayed fingers rubbing down her back. He looked at her in awe, with appreciation, relief, soaking up the closeness and the exquisiteness of her golden light, where her hair waves, and the warm colour in her eyes comforts.

Her gaze drifted off, past the window, deep in thought. Not really looking at the view of the clouds diminishing the once obvious blue in the sky with silver streaks, but rather through it. "I have that meeting still... I'm going to tell Miraj I won't work with her and sign everything off to Dorme."

She thought it would reassure Anakin, but he grew quiet. His eyes dropped to the floor. And she noticed the pallor of his face change.

"Hey... " She tipped his chin up to face her. "You don't have to beat yourself up about this. You were in a bad situation and she took advantage of that. She was older, she knew better. She's lucky you didn't press charges."

The response from Anakin was nothing but a resigned exhale.

"You still can, you know..." She offered with the gentleness of her fingers twirling in his hair.

After a beat, Anakin finally looked into her eyes fully. They were almost the same height even though she was standing and he was sitting. He took her face in his hands and planted a kiss on her plump lips. "It's over. Let's just forget about it."

He got up and left her, heading towards the kitchen, wanting to dispose of the loud pokes of the past and put it to rest. No point in dwelling on the What Ifs.

"Anakin." Padme did her best to encourage rather than instruct as she watched him try to walk away from it. "She should pay for what she did."

Anakin's movements ground to a halt in the middle of the room. "I'm sure she will." He looked back at Padme, drained, beseeching with a lazy, aimless wave of his hand. "Please, let's just drop it."


Padme's patience was already wearing thin when she marched over to the receptionist. "Has Miss Scintel called to cancel or. . .reschedule?"

"No." The young blonde woman at the receptionist desk sounded apologetic.

"Unbelievable!" Padme scoffed. She headed back to her office, her heels clicking hard with each petulant step.

Dorme, who had just got in, followed her to their office with a curious eye.


"What's wrong?" Dorme asked as she walked into the office, locking the door behind her.

Padme had yet to sit at her desk. She was still tramping around it, hands in the air, her nerves struck in this prickling maze. "You'd think she'd have the decency to show her face. I mean, after everything! I've been busting my ass on this case. Putting my name behind her character. Convincing people to do business with her! And all the while she's lying to my face!"

Dorme took a seat at her own desk and signaled for Padme to do the same, demonstrating the act of taking a deep breath. Dorme spoke with more emphasis now, "What is going on?"

Padme slumped down into her chair, with a sense of defeat. "Miraj. . .slept with my husband. . .three – four years ago." Padme flicked her wrist like she was tossing air away from her face, every sickening, trapping, heavy-hearted particle. To cleanse salt on the wound.

Dorme's eyes widened, almost snorting. She shook her head surprised yet sardonic as she straightened papers on her desk. "That Anakin Skywalker..." Dorme trusted Padme's judgment in almost all aspects, but she never could understand why Padme married the guy.

"He was a teenager, he is hardly at fault here!" Padme snapped.

"I'm sorry – I didn't–" Dorme's words softened. "I'm sorry." They remained quiet, letting the smothering air leave the room.

Padme's hands braced the chair handles. "...What she did was criminal, and yet he won't press charges."

"Padme," Dorme interjected with the steady kindness of a heartfelt gesture. "If he doesn't want to press charges, it's his choice. So. . .as your colleague, and your friend, I have to ask, why throw away this case?"

Padme looked at her like it was ridiculous for Dorme to even peek under that curtain, immediately rebuffing her request with stern, hardened eyes.

"–Look, I know it's iffy, and don't get me wrong, I'll take it off your hands," Dorme assured. "But, Padme, this project is as much yours as it is hers. You deserve to see it through."

Padme shook her head, defiantly. She was not going to compromise her integrity.

"I don't want to have anything to do with her." Padme held up her hand, a firm, final decision. "You need to take this case. The truth is, I want this town to have the resources she can offer. . .even if I don't get to be a part of it."


Anakin's feet pounded against the grainy sand as he approached Kitster, who was standing by a Beetle car, talking to someone.

Anakin snuck up behind Kitster with a voice almost rusty and foreign, coupled with harsh expelled breaths. "Kit, we need to talk."

The crude tone made the man Kit was talking to narrow his eyes at the interruption, the impoliteness. But Anakin was already walking off, expecting Kitster to follow him.

"Sorry, give us a second." Kitster said to his company.

Anakin was already a few metres away, one hand on his hip, the other scratching his head. He had this irritable look about him as he wandered in slow circular steps.

"What's the matter?" Kit asked, catching up to him with a little jog.

Anakin seemed antsy, restless. His face gaunt, weary, and the hand pointing in Kitster's direction was slightly hectic. His voice was discreet in volume but fiery in tone.

"If anyone asks, last night I was with you."

"What?" Kitser's brow furrowed.

"There was a leak in your garage, we cleared out the place." Anakin's eyes seemed to dart either side of Kitster, never actually arrowed at him.

"Wha– my house?" Kitster blinked "You mean, my parents' house."

"Yeah."

Kitster's eyes crinkled suspiciously. "Where were you?"

"It doesn't matter." Anakin did another antsy shift on his feet. "Just if anyone asks–" He lowered his voice again, stretching his syllables out slow – a silent command. "–if Padme asks, I was with you."

"Oh no, no–no." Kitster threw his hands up in the air, objecting, turning away from Anakin. "Don't bring me into your home. And don't bring your shit into mine."

A frustrated Anakin grabbed his friend's arms and brought them back down to Kitster's sides in an effort to maintain the subtlety of their conversation. "I won't." He urged through a whisper. "Just IF."

Kitster was stilled. His eyes tried to decipher the contortions of Anakin's face. "Anakin, are you in some kind of trouble?"

"No." Anakin's jaw clenched, looking away, almost in vexation.

"Ani." Kitster's tone was a warning now.

Anakin closed his eyes, irked, head ducked, hands hovering at the sides of his head as if to shake off the stress. "Look, I had a problem but I took care of it, alright? Goddamn it, just – be a friend!"

When Anakin would say he took care of something, it never sounded reassuring.

"Friends tell each other the truth." Kitster frowned with solid eyes, rebutting any excuses.

"I'm fine. Everything's fine!" Anakin stormed off, leaving Kitster perplexed.


I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day

Take me to the place I love, take me all the way


Padme got through the door with a rushed release of energy, wanting to unwind from work and everything in between. She plopped herself down on the couch beside Anakin. Even the way she tossed her bag on the coffee table expressed her exhaustion.

"How was your day?" Anakin tilted his head toward her.

"Well, Miraj didn't show up." Padme huffed, toeing off her heels and lifting her legs up onto his lap.

He took her foot in his hands, massaging it with the deftness of his fingers. "Maybe it's for the best. Now you don't have to deal with her."

"It's not me I'm worried about, it's everybody else she's letting down."

Padme rested her head back on one of the throw cushions. "...You were right. Maybe she had no intention of helping anybody."

Anakin saw the disappointment on her face, knowing she was swimming through thoughts, doubts, time, and space like clouds in her head blocking a clear sky. Perhaps she had things to say too, to get off her chest. She was owed that much from Miraj.

He grabbed her arms and pulled her up to meet him at eye level. "Listen to me. You don't need her to do great things." His mouth closed over hers, a sensory of loving muscle memory, a caress as the tips of their noses touch, a spark of gratitude as she closed her eyes, resting her forehead on his. She needed this as she breathed him in – his faith in her – to bring back her faith in people.

They lied down together like two spoons conjoined, fitting perfectly. His arm surrounding her as his body pressed against hers from behind. When they touched, soldered together, her back to his chest, her hair to his nose, her bottom to his pelvis, the heels of her feet to his toes, he believed it to be true – that his worries could in fact now be water under the bridge.

But as Leo Tolstoy wrote, "Every lie is a poison, there are no harmless lies."

Anakin could feel that poison stalking him, wanting to burst every time he stood still, catching up to him. And all he could do was hope he could outrun it.


Under the bridge downtown

Forgot about my love

Under the bridge downtown

I gave my life away


Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under The Bridge