Happy Wednesday!

Hope you all had a lovely week. Thanks for the comments and the love in the last chapter. We're getting so close to the end! Just two more chapters left!

The song in this one is Difficult Year, and this is the longest chapter in the entire story. I hope you'll like it!

So much love and eternal gratitude for Christine and Sofi.

Enjoy!


It's been a difficult year
Slack time gone wasted
It's just been a difficult year
And I wish we'd been together to face it


May.

As the weather got warmer, it became more and more usual to spend time outside on weekends. Blaine took the kids out to the park, to Coney Island or to the aquarium. Sometimes Jack would tag along for some of those activities, and it was sort of weird, how easy everything was between them since they had decided to break up. If Blaine had known it would be like this, he would have been honest a lot sooner.

Maybe, if he had, he wouldn't have lost Kurt.

He didn't allow himself to think about it much. There was no point in it, really. But sometimes, at night, when the apartment was quiet and the kids were either asleep or at Jack's, he would stare at the unanswered messages on his phone and wonder if he should have said something different. He wondered if he should have insisted until Kurt replied. He wondered if maybe he should have done more.

But he had broken Kurt's heart, and Blaine actually understood that he didn't want anything to do with him anymore. It was his own fault that he had lost his chance with him.

Most days, he kept himself busy enough not to spare a single second for his thoughts to veer in Kurt's direction. But it was hardest when he was by himself, and that was happening a lot more often lately.

"You did what you could, Blaine," Cooper told him one Saturday afternoon. They had taken the kids to the Botanical Garden in Queens, and later they were taking them to buy some flowers to put on the balcony. Cooper had started to join them on most of their weekend activities, and Blaine appreciated the company. "You can't force him to be in your life if that's not what he wants anymore. Sometimes you do your best and it's not enough. All you can do now is try to forget about Kurt and move on with your life."

Blaine wished it was that easy. "I know. I've been trying."

Cooper stopped in his tracks to take a picture of Lena and Theo as they leaned in to smell some roses. "If what you want is to date again, I'm sure there's a good single gay man out there I can introduce to you. I have lots of queer friends…"

Blaine sighed. "That's okay, Coop. I don't think I'm ready to start dating again yet. Everything is still really new, with the divorce and stuff. I want the kids to be comfortable, to make sure they're okay with all the changes in their lives, before I even consider finding someone new."

Cooper frowned at him. "You were willing to jump back into things with Kurt."

"That's different," Blaine replied, frustrated. "I'm in love with Kurt."

Why was it so easy to say it now, when it was too late? Blaine wished he had been brave enough to say it when there was still time to save what they had.

The only thing he could do now was to learn how to be by himself again after being with Jack for over a decade. He needed to learn who he was in this new scenario in his life. He needed to learn what happiness looked like to him at the moment. And he needed, most of all, to make sure Lena and Theo went through this as easily as possible, never forgetting they were their fathers' number one priority.

That way, time would go by, and maybe, if he was lucky, he would stop noticing the heartache, and he would stop thinking about Kurt, and one day he would forget he ever loved someone that much only to let him go.


Some days it seems okay
Got some good friends around me
But I'm still scared of losing my head
I guess there's just something selfish about me


August.

"Someone looks stunning."

Kurt looked away from his reflection on the large window in his office, where he had been making sure that his hair was just right and that his shirt wasn't wrinkled. Isabelle was leaning against the doorway, grinning.

"I was going to ask you if you wanted to grab dinner with me tonight, but it looks like you already have plans," she commented.

"Yeah, I do," he said, before he looked back at himself. Something felt wrong. Was it the belt? Was it his hair? Was it the color of his shoes? "Santana and Brittany got me a date. We're going on a double date, actually. Apparently they have the perfect guy for me. Daisy's friend's father, or something. I don't know. I just let them bully me into going, honestly."

"Well, you look wonderful," she said, taking a few steps into his office.

"I can still cancel and we can go get some Chinese and eat it straight from the container while we watch old episodes of Project Runway," he said, and he sounded almost hopeful.

"I was thinking more along the lines of Indian food this time," she put her hands on his shoulders and squeezed. "But, Kurt, we've been doing that for the past few months, and I don't think it's helped all that much. Maybe your friends' approach will be more successful in getting you out of this funk."

Kurt resented the word funk. It was not a funk. It was… well, the biggest heartbreak of his life, probably. But he didn't let himself think about it at all. He was lucky that his life was busy enough that the only times when the thought of Blaine invaded his head was when he was at home alone, when he got into bed at night and the only company he had was Petra, purring softly in his ear.

How strange was it, that he had gotten over his failed marriage a lot faster than he was getting over his lover not reciprocating his feelings?

"Give it a shot," Isabelle said with an encouraging smile. "Maybe it'll surprise you. And Kurt, you're going to have to move on eventually. You know that. You can't let your life be paused forever over one guy…"

But it hadn't been just one guy. It hadn't been someone random.

Blaine had been everything Kurt had ever dreamed of – and he had slipped away. They had gotten it so wrong…

Perhaps Isabelle was right. Perhaps he needed to stop thinking of everything he had lost, and start thinking of what he could gain.

He kissed her cheek. "I'll let you know how it goes."

"Please do!" She exclaimed. "And if you're late tomorrow morning because things went really well, I'll give you a bonus."

Kurt laughed as he walked out of the office.

Santana and Brittany were already at the restaurant when he arrived, sitting together at the bar, drinking a glass of wine. Brittany smiled like seeing him was the best part of her day.

"Santana owes me three orgasms," she said as she hugged him, and Kurt really wished she wouldn't say stuff like that when they were hugging. "She said you weren't going to come."

"You bet in orgasms?" Kurt asked, and then simply shook his head. "No, don't answer that. I don't want to know."

"It's better than money," Santana shrugged. "And we have two children. We don't have as much time for sex as we once did. We have to get creative, find the perfect excuses, keep it interesting…"

"I said I didn't want to know," Kurt retorted. He glanced around. "Well, where is he?"

"Impatient, huh?" Santana grinned. "He just texted. He's on his way. His sitter was a little late, but he's definitely coming."

"Yay," Kurt said, trying to feign enthusiasm and failing.

Santana poked him in the middle of his chest with a sharp red fingernail. "You need to get laid. You need to get over that guy who broke your heart. You need to forget about Ian. And you most of all need to get over yourself. You've been moping around for months, and while I understand that everything sort of fell apart for you, enough is enough, Kurt. Get back on your feet, have some fun, and stop feeling sorry for yourself."

Kurt glared at her. "One of these days, your brutal honesty is going to get you a brutal slap to the face."

She smiled. "You know I'm right, Hummel."

She was. He hated to admit it, but she was.

Just as they were about to be guided to their table, Kurt's date arrived. He was tall and gorgeous, with a pretty smile and arms that made you want to beg him to wrap them around you. He looked like he had walked right out of the cover of a magazine and into Kurt's life.

"I'm Jonathan," he said, and he was charming as hell. "The girls told me so much about you, I couldn't wait to meet you."

Kurt expected the tingle, the magnetic pull, the electricity. It wasn't there, but there was still time, right? It could still happen.

They sat down for dinner. They ordered wine and pasta and they chatted, mostly prompted and aided by Santana and Brittany – they talked about Jonathan's kid, Lily, who was good friends with Daisy, and about how he and Brittany had hit it off at the PTA meeting at their school. He told them about how he had adopted Lily a couple of years ago, how he was a single father, how he had decided to just go for it when he couldn't find the perfect person to raise a kid with. And Kurt admired him for it, admired his courage and his willingness to turn his own life upside down in order to have what he had always dreamed.

He should have been head over heels with him before the waitress had time to come back to ask them if they wanted dessert, because this was the kind of man Kurt would have normally been crazy for.

There's still time, he told himself once more.

Santana and Brittany seemed to be giving each other mental pats on the back, as if they thought they had suddenly fixed every single one of Kurt's romantic issues by putting these two in the same room.

Once the check was taken care of, Santana said, rather slyly: "Jonathan, why don't you walk Kurt home? It's late."

Kurt turned to glare at her. "I'm fine, Santana. I'm sure Jonathan wants to get home to Lily."

"Oh, it's no problem," Jonathan smiled, not noticing how the friends were staring daggers at each other. "It's a nice evening for a walk and I have some time before I have to relieve the babysitter."

"Okay, then," Kurt said, not wanting to be rude.

They stayed with the girls until they got into a cab, and then they began to walk in the direction of Kurt's apartment. Kurt kept his hands stubbornly in his pockets, not wanting their fingers to brush together as they walked. And then he told himself he was being stupid, that he was dooming this to fail before he even tried, and so he reached for Jonathan's hand and held it in his own, and smiled back when Jonathan smiled at him, clearly delighted by the gesture.

"Brittany told me you're great with their kids," Jonathan commented. "You and your husband never thought of having any?"

It felt like a kick to the middle of his chest. "Yeah, well… that's just one of the many reasons he's my ex-husband now."

"Oh," Jonathan looked at him, full of regret. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so tactless…"

"It's alright," Kurt reassured him. "Ian never wanted kids and I did. I thought it was something I could give up, but I was wrong."

"It must have been tough," Jonathan said.

Kurt shrugged. "It was." He decided to change the course of the conversation. "I admire what you did, though. It must have been hard to decide to become a single dad."

"Everyone told me I was crazy," Jonathan laughed. "But I don't regret a single thing."

Kurt wondered what that was like – to have no regrets.

There was still not a tingle, not even the hint of one. He kept his hand in Jonathan's, hoping something might change.

Something had to change, right? Why did he feel dead inside?

When they finally arrived at his apartment, Jonathan turned to him, still not letting go, something similar to hope and excitement in his eyes.

"So, can I see you again?" He asked.

Kurt took a deep breath. "I… don't think that's a good idea," he said.

Jonathan frowned and their hands came apart, falling limply at their sides. "Oh. Why not?"

"Look, you're really nice, so I should be honest with you," Kurt said. Since everything that had happened – with Ian, with Blaine – honesty had to be his first option. Lying only made everything harder. "One of the reasons I got divorced is that I fell in love with someone else. Things didn't work out between us, but… I'm still not over him. I just don't think I'm ready to date anyone new until I figure out how to forget about him."

Jonathan nodded, slowly, like he was processing his words. "He must have been someone special to still be present in your life even if things didn't go well between you two."

"Yes, he… he was really special," Kurt admitted. "I think Brit and Santana hoped we might hit it off and that would help me forget about him, but… I think I still need some time."

"I appreciate that you're being so honest, then," Jonathan said. "And hey, I think you're really great, so if you ever feel like you might be ready to give this another shot… just ask Brittany for my number, alright?"

"Alright," Kurt said.

They said goodbye and Kurt stood right there, outside his front door, watching Jonathan walk down the street, until he turned around the corner and disappeared. Maybe it was really stupid of him to reject a perfectly good guy like him, but he knew he couldn't force himself to fit a wrong piece into a puzzle. He was still in love with Blaine – even after all these months – and he wouldn't be able to fall for someone new until he found a way to move on.

When, the following morning, Isabelle walked into the building and found that Kurt was already in his office, she sighed sadly and brought him a fresh cup of coffee.

"Chinese and Project Runway tonight?" She asked, as she placed it on the desk.

Kurt glanced at her sadly. "Yes, please," he replied.

That was going to be enough for a while – until he found a way to heal.


A dozen months go by
As you wait for a sign
For the sky to boil
Above a sea of wine
For some road to grow
Before your eyes
For some act of God
To set you right


December.

It seemed so strange to believe that winter was back again, but yet here New York was, covered in snow. The stores had started playing Christmas music almost a month ago, and the streets were decorated for the holiday season. Everything was beautiful and festive and, for the first time in a while, Blaine allowed himself to feel some of the cheer, even if it wasn't particularly lasting.

Since the kids had stayed with Jack for the past couple of days, he had taken advantage of their absence to do all his Christmas shopping. It felt weird to think it was the first year they weren't going to be all together for the holidays – they had spent Thanksgiving together, but now their plans were different for Christmas. They had flipped a coin to see who would get the kids and Jack had won. Blaine wasn't exactly happy about it, but he would try to make the best of it. He was spending it at Cooper's, and he and his brother had decided to get shit-faced. It was probably not the most wonderful Christmas they would ever have, but it seemed to be the most appropriate approach, all things considered.

Jack had asked him to come over to talk, and Blaine was a little hopeful that he had taken pity on him and would let him have the kids at least on Christmas Eve.

"Thank you for coming," Jack said as soon as he opened the door and waved Blaine into his apartment. "I arranged a playdate for the kids so we could sit down and talk."

"That's good," Blaine said. "I can pick them up afterwards, since they're coming home with me."

"Sure, no problem," Jack muttered, and he seemed a little distracted. He bit his lip as he stood in the middle of the living room.

"Is something wrong?" Blaine asked, concerned. "Are the kids okay?"

"Yes, yes, they're great. We had a wonderful time," Jack answered vaguely. "It's just… well, Eddie's here. In the kitchen. I was hoping… I was hoping I could introduce him to you?"

Blaine froze. He had known, for months now, that Jack had gotten back together with Eddie, even if they hadn't exactly discussed it. Their divorce had been effective for a while now and Blaine wasn't sure why it made anxiety grow in his belly to know Eddie was here, but it did.

"If you don't want to, or if you prefer we schedule something so we don't actually ambush you with it…" Jack started to say quickly, "then that's perfectly fine. It's just… well, I wanted to talk to you and I thought Eddie should be here for it, too."

Blaine inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Sure," he said after a few seconds. "That's fine."

"Really?" Jack looked so pathetically hopeful, Blaine took pity on him.

"Yes, really. You don't have to hide your boyfriend anymore, Jack. We've been divorced for months," Blaine chuckled lightly, even though the sound felt a little forced. "Uhm… was he… was he here when the kids…?"

"No!" Jack hurried to say. "No, he hasn't met the kids yet. That's… kind of what I was hoping we could talk about."

Ah, so Jack wanted Lena and Theo to meet Eddie. Blaine shouldn't have been surprised. He should have seen it coming, should have known that it would be inevitable. He should have expected Jack to want the man he loved to be part of his son's and daughter's life.

And it shouldn't have hurt as much as it did.

He smiled, though. It didn't matter anymore whether it hurt him or not, because Jack had every right to re-build his life with whoever he pleased. He could have done the same, if he hadn't screwed everything up with Kurt.

"So, are you going to ask him to come out or do we have to play hide and seek with him first?" Blaine teased, smile still in place.

Jack laughed, relief clear in his voice. "I'll go get him."

Blaine sat on the couch as Jack went to the kitchen. He heard a few whispers, little encouragements shared between two people who loved each other, who supported each other, who were looking forward to a future together.

He took a deep breath and planted the smile back on his face as he heard them head his way.

Eddie was just as handsome as Blaine had noticed when he caught a glimpse of him in the park that afternoon that felt like a million years ago. But he looked nervous now, and Blaine couldn't blame him.

"Blaine, it's so nice to meet you," he said eagerly. "Jack's told me a lot about you…"

There was underlying awkwardness, and Blaine guessed that wasn't going to go away any time soon. But if Eddie was going to be a part of Jack's life, then he was going to be a part of their children's life, so they had to find a way to be okay with each other. They had to find a way to get along.

"It's nice to meet you too," Blaine replied pleasantly, accepting the hand that Eddie was offering to him.

"Eddie's made some Christmas cookies for the kids, and he made extra," Jack said, putting down a plate in the middle of the coffee table. "Coffee's brewing."

"I want to say…" Eddie started, clearly nervous. "That I'm really looking forward to meeting Lena and Theo. I know we all started things the wrong way here, that we made mistakes, but… I really care about them already."

Blaine looked away. He felt tender inside, vulnerable. "I'm sure you do," he said softly. "And I trust Jack's judgement when it comes to them. He's a great father."

Eddie grinned, lovingly gazing at Jack, like he was the only thing that existed for him. "Yeah, he is."

"Just… please go slow with them, and if you think they may be uncomfortable, give them some time," Blaine said. "Everything has been so new for them, since the divorce, and I feel like they're finally settling down. I don't want them to suffer again. So… I'm guessing you two are in it for the long haul, but unless you're a hundred percent sure that you want to be together…"

He paused when Jack and Eddie exchanged a quick glance that full of meaning – meaning Blaine wasn't sure how to interpret.

"What?" He asked.

Jack bit his lip and reached for Eddie's hand. Blaine saw him squeeze it, as if giving him courage. "I… I actually asked Eddie to marry me. We're engaged."

His brain seemed to short-circuit and his lungs emptied out. Blaine stared at them, gaping slightly, at a loss for words, trying not to show that he felt like they had just both slapped him at the same time. "Oh," was all he could come up with.

"I said yes, but we're not in a hurry to get married right now," Eddie reassured him at once, looking a little desperate. "It's okay if it's a long engagement. We want to give the kids time to get used to me. So we… we thought we might start by taking them out and spending time with them and then…"

"Then maybe Eddie can move in, maybe in a couple of months, once we're sure Theo and Lena are okay with that," Jack continued. He was watching Blaine attentively, trying to read what his reaction meant. "Like Eddie just said, we're not in a rush, but we both know we're heading in that direction, so…"

"Look, Blaine," Eddie said, moving the cookies away so he could sit on the coffee table to face him. "We didn't mean to ambush you like this. We understand if you need some time to process it, and I'm fine waiting a bit if you think it might not be the right time to meet the kids. But I just want you to know I'm serious about this. I love Jack – I've loved him for a long time now. And I want to be a part of the kids' life, if that's alright, because they're important to Jack, so they're important to me, too." He took a deep breath, before he added: "And since I'm being honest… I'm sorry. I know I've caused a lot of grief for you. I never meant to. I just… I fell in love, and I didn't know how to deal with it without hurting others or myself in the process. I think you might understand what that's like."

Blaine nodded slowly. "Yeah, I know what that's like. And I appreciate how candid you are about this."

Jack sat down next to Blaine on the couch and squeezed his shoulder. "I know he's going to be so good with the kids," he muttered. "And we agreed that they'll always come first. So whatever we want to do… it'll be at their speed. We'll go step by step."

That was all Blaine could ask for, really, that they took the kids' feelings into account and respected their wishes. What he wanted didn't matter that much – he was no longer Jack's husband, and they were both free to share their lives with whoever they thought was best.

And it didn't take much to realize that Jack and Eddie were perfect together. They belonged with each other. They would make each other happy, and they would take care of Lena and Theo.

Blaine smiled – it was a mild kind of smile, but it was genuine. "I'm really happy for you two," he said sincerely. "Congratulations."

"Are you…" Jack started, and he was so anxious he was practically bouncing on the couch. "Are you saying…?"

"Well, you don't exactly need my blessing to get married again, but I guess you have it anyway," Blaine chuckled awkwardly. "As long as we're all on the same page about the kids, that's all that matters to me now. You deserve to marry whoever you love and be happy."

Jack pulled him into a hug, holding him so tight Blaine could hardly breathe. "You're the best. Thank you, thank you, thank you…"

Blaine looked at Eddie over Jack's shoulder. "You take care of this one, you hear me?"

"I will, I promise," Eddie said solemnly.

Blaine knew that he should have been moving on, too, but he didn't know how. He didn't know where to find what he was missing. He woke up every day and kept going, because he didn't know what else to do, because it was automatic, because his children needed him. But he realized that there were very few moments of joy, very few moments of real happiness – how was he supposed to get back what he had lost?

He didn't have an answer, and he wasn't sure he would ever have it.


I've had a little bad luck
Well, it's mostly my own making
I thought I had it all sewn up
But I was so badly mistaken


February.

Isabelle poured another glass of wine and Kurt nudged the box of chocolates her way.

"You know, you might be the best Valentine's day date I've ever had," she commented, eyes fixed on the screen, which was playing the second romantic comedy of the night. "And it's not only because I'm wearing sweatpants and I didn't have to wax my legs before you got here."

"I'm wounded. I thought I was going to get lucky tonight," Kurt said in a monotone, making Isabelle laugh. He glanced at her with a little smile. "Same, though. I was really dreading this day, with it being my first Valentine's day as a divorced man, but it's been nice so far."

"The chocolate and the alcohol definitely help," Isabelle said, nudging him playfully. "And I don't believe for a second that I'm your best Valentine's date. You're a terrible liar."

Kurt didn't say that he had been thinking about the little Valentine's Day celebration he and Blaine had shared the previous year, before everything went to shit. It hurt too much to think about it.

Almost a year later, and Kurt was still having to force the thought of Blaine away from him several times a day. He had dated a little bit, but no one had been special enough to keep them around. Everyone paled in comparison to the memories he had built with the man he couldn't have.

He drank a bit more wine. He needed it.

On the screen, he watched the happy couple kiss and celebrate their love, and then she showed him a pregnancy test with a positive sign. Kurt's stomach churned a bit.

"You know, I…" He started, hesitating slightly. "I've been thinking about… oh forget it. It's stupid."

Isabelle immediately paused the movie and sat sideways on the couch so she could face him, making sure not to bother Petra, who had been sleeping on her lap for the past hour. "Hey, come on. Tell me. You know you can tell me anything."

Kurt took a deep breath. "Would it be too crazy if I decided to have a kid on my own?"

Isabelle blinked at him. It was clearly not what she had expected him to say. "I wouldn't say it's crazy. Have you been considering it?"

Kurt shrugged. "A bit? I don't know. I never pictured doing fatherhood on my own. But it feels like I already wasted too much time, and the right guy isn't going to come along, so… maybe I should just… go for it?"

"Well, you know I would support you, no matter what you decided to do," Isabelle said, reaching for his hand. "And if that's what you want, then I think you should go for it."

"I'm kind of scared, though," Kurt admitted with a sigh. "I don't want to go through it by myself. I always wanted to do it with someone who would understand how important it is, who would love that kid as much as I do, who would get excited about the little things. It's not ideal. But I'm afraid if I keep waiting, then I'll… I'll have nothing at all, you know? No guy, no kid. I don't want to run out of time."

"I don't think you can run out of time, Kurt," Isabelle reassured him sweetly. "It's not like you'd be the one carrying the baby and time's running out on your uterus. That's the good thing about guys, you can be procreating well into your eighties. But… you do need to be sure that this is how you want to do it. Because there's no going back once that baby's on the way. And if it's really important to share it with someone…"

"I just don't know what to do," Kurt said sadly. "I can't keep pushing my dreams away. I ignored them because of Ian for too long and then I thought that with Blaine…" he paused, because thinking of what might have been hurt too much, so he pushed through it: "but things didn't go how I expected them to."

Isabelle watched him with a tender smile. "You'd be a great dad, you know? And if you do decide to go through with it, then we'll make it work. I'll help in every way I can, and I know your friends would, too. And god, your dad would be ecstatic. So you have a good support system in case you need it. You wouldn't do it alone, not really."

Kurt let his head fall against the back of the couch. "Thanks."

It wasn't something he could decide and make happen overnight, but now the thought was there, insistent and real, a possibility for the first time in his life.

Kurt was done letting his dreams go to waste.

It was time to go after what he wanted – or at least those things he wanted that he still could have.


A dozen months go by
As you wait for a sign
For the sky to boil
Above a sea of wine
For some road to grow
Before your eyes
For some guiding star
To shine her light


March.

After all this time, Blaine was starting to find the silver lining in his new situation: he could drink a glass of wine and read a book without getting interrupted by the kids, or watch whatever he wanted on TV without them crying about wanting to watch the same movie they'd watched non-stop for three weeks. It was small things like that, moments to himself that he hadn't had in years, since even before Lena was born. It was nice, even if he missed them every second. But they were finally happy – they had gotten used to having Eddie around and last weekend Jack had finally told them that they were planning to get married. Now, Lena was really excited about being a flower girl and Theo would carry the rings. Everything was perfect.

Blaine was lonely, but aside from that, everything was perfect.

It was yet another Saturday morning, the mid-March sun shining down on him, and he had just dropped the kids off with Jack and Eddie for the weekend. The day stretched before him, free and full of possibility. He decided to stop for a cup of coffee. Maybe he would call Cooper and see if he wanted to do something that afternoon, or maybe he could catch a movie or even a show. It had been a while since he had gone to the theatre.

He stopped at the first coffee shop he found a few blocks away from Jack and Eddie's place. He stood at the counter waiting for his medium drip as he texted his brother, and then smiled at a picture that Jack had just sent him, of Theo helping Eddie make brownies. Apparently the four of them were going on a picnic today, to take advantage of the nice weather they were having. A couple of months ago, Blaine would have felt a pang at not being included in something his children were doing, at seeing them with Eddie, getting along. But now he had grown used to it, and he knew that they weren't replacing him: their family was growing. They made sure to include him in every way they could, just like Blaine included them.

They were better at being divorced than they had ever been at being married.

It really was a nice day, so once the barista handed him his coffee, Blaine thought about drinking it outside as he took a stroll around the city, instead of staying here. He turned around and was about to walk out the door when a new customer came in, making him drop his still untouched cup, but luckily avoiding spilling it over himself and the distracted stranger at the door.

And then he looked up, the apology on the tip of his tongue, and he realized this wasn't a stranger at all.

It was almost like time was rewound, sending them back to that very first night they had run into each other, before everything started, before they knew how much they would end up meaning to the other. Only this time, unlike that night, Blaine was paying attention, and he looked at Kurt and felt his heart thump once, hard and desperate, in his chest.

Kurt's blue eyes were wide, lips parted as he stared at Blaine like he thought he was some sort of vision. Neither of them moved or said anything for what felt like a really long time, almost as if they were afraid the other would vanish if they broke the spell.

But the real world came crashing back, people trying to move around them to get through the door, sending glares at them, clearing their throats to get their attention.

Blaine sidestepped to let Kurt into the coffee shop. "Hi," he said, feeling like his mouth was suddenly very, very dry.

"Hi," Kurt echoed. "I'm sorry, I was… I was distracted."

"It's okay," Blaine said. He couldn't look away. Kurt was just as beautiful as he had been the last time he'd seen him. Like he had only blinked and this year hadn't happened at all. "Are you… how are you, Kurt?"

Kurt wrapped his arms around himself. "I'm fine. You?"

"Yeah, me too," Blaine said.

Not that long ago, this was the person Blaine had felt more comfortable with in years. Now, he could barely look at him without the awkwardness creeping in, without their difficult history getting between them, without feeling the same heartbreak all over again. They had gotten it so wrong.

"How are the kids?" Kurt asked.

It was the way he asked, a hint of eagerness and tenderness in his eyes, that made Blaine realize that Kurt had cared all along about his children. He'd known, of course he had known, but it hit him all over again, lines from the story Kurt had written for them flashing in his memory.

Blaine smiled. "They're doing great. Theo had a growth spurt over the summer, you wouldn't recognize him. And Lena's keeping us on our toes."

Kurt smiled too, softly. "I bet."

Again, they stood there in silence, both reluctant to walk away, both unsure of what they were allowed to ask or say.

But when Kurt sighed and started to say "well, I guess I should…" gesturing like he was going to leave, Blaine felt a sort of dread he couldn't put up with. He couldn't just let him walk away like that again. What if this was the last chance he got? What if he never saw him again?

"Do you have time for a cup of coffee?" He said, and Kurt seemed surprised. "I mean, I'm going to get another one, because this one is mostly wasted. If you aren't busy we could… sit down. Catch up."

Kurt bit his lip, like he was unsure. "I… well, I don't know. Don't you have to go get the kids?"

"They're with Jack today," Blaine explained. "They were going to have a picnic."

It only occurred to him now that Kurt had never even heard of his divorce. Maybe that was why he was so hesitant.

Or it could have something to do with the fact that he had lied to him and broken his heart.

"I'm in no hurry," he added, trying to sound nonchalant. "Jack has them all weekend, so I have time. Unless… unless you can't or don't want to."

Kurt tilted his head slightly, like he was trying to understand. He took a deep breath. "Okay. Yeah, I can have coffee with you."

They ordered and Blaine apologized profusely to the barista for the spilled coffee, offering to clean it himself. When the girl behind the counter reassured him there was no need, he left a pretty generous tip and followed Kurt to an empty table.

Then the silence settled between them.

In that minute or two in which they sat there, avoiding looking at each other's eyes, Blaine realized he was no longer heartbroken. Had he missed Kurt? Sure. Did he still love him? Passionately so. But the heartbreak had faded away – he had learned how to be without him.

Still, it didn't make the urge to reach across the table for his hand any less difficult to resist.

He took a sip of coffee to give himself a few extra seconds. Kurt's eyes – had they always been this blue? Or did they just look even more gorgeous than ever to Blaine now, because he hadn't looked into them in too long? – fell on his hand. Blaine wondered if maybe he was trying not to reach for it, fighting the need as hard as Blaine was.

But then Kurt said: "You're not wearing your wedding ring."

He said it almost breathlessly, like he was afraid he was imagining the emptiness on Blaine's finger.

"That's because I'm not married," Blaine replied.

Kurt blinked at him, slowly. "You… you are not?"

"Jack and I got divorced months ago. He's actually engaged to Eddie now," Blaine explained. Life moved so fast – soon it would be a whole year since he and Jack had stopped being husbands.

But the year without Kurt had felt like it crawled by, second by second, as if they were two different things – how could time fly when it came to something, and feel endless when it came to something else?

"Oh, wow. I'm… I'm sorry, Blaine. That must have been tough," Kurt said gently.

"It was," Blaine admitted, but then he shrugged. "It was also the right thing to do. We didn't love each other anymore. We were hurting each other just because we both refused to let go. He's happier, I'm happier, and we can be better fathers now, even if it took a while for the kids to get used to this whole new situation we've got going on. But we… I don't know, I guess that not having the pressure to stay married and keep pretending made everything easier. I think Jack and I haven't gotten along this well since we were still dating. It's nice."

There was a small smile on Kurt's face. He looked down at his coffee, fingernail catching on the lid over and over again. "That's good. I'm glad things sort of fell into place."

Blaine chuckled, self-deprecatingly. "Well, I wouldn't exactly say that. My life's still kind of a scrambled mess in some aspects. But at least the kids have some sort of stability and that's honestly what I wanted the most."

"I know," Kurt said, in almost an inaudible whisper. There was a tiny bit of hurt in that whisper, like he was remembering what they'd had at the tips of their fingers but hadn't been quite able to fully grasp.

"How have you been?" Blaine asked, genuinely interested. "Are you still working with Isabelle?"

"Yes, I am. I'm really happy working with her. And she's such a great friend. I don't know what I would have done without her," Kurt said. He drank some coffee.

"You still haven't answered my first question, though," Blaine murmured, unsure whether he was allowed to push or not. "How have you been, Kurt?"

Kurt sighed. "Better, lately," he admitted. "It's been rough, though. But I'm doing okay now. Still trying to figure out some things."

Blaine wasn't sure whether he was allowed to ask what kind of things he was trying to figure out. He also wasn't sure whether he was allowed to ask Kurt if he was seeing anyone. But the question was right there, trying to push its way past his lips, as urgent as the need to touch him.

God, a whole year, and yet he still felt weak in the knees when he saw him. He still felt like he would crumble to pieces if Kurt didn't put his hands on him.

"I'm really sorry, you know," Kurt said then.

Blaine tilted his head, considering him, a little confused. "What are you sorry for?"

"A million things, but mostly… I don't know, I guess I expected things from you that you weren't ready or willing to give," Kurt explained, once more avoiding looking directly at him. "And I'm sorry I never replied to those two last texts you sent me. I wanted to, but I… I didn't think I should."

"It's okay," Blaine reassured him. There was something so intrinsically sad about Kurt right now that the heartbreak returned all over again. "Things were complicated. I was really horrible to you that last time I saw you, so I wasn't surprised that you didn't reply. You didn't owe me anything."

"You weren't horrible, you were just… honest," Kurt said, in a quiet, small voice.

Blaine's heart thumped, thumped, thumped. This was it, wasn't it? He had the chance to set things right. "I… wasn't, not really."

Kurt glanced at him, clearly confused. "What do you mean?"

It would be too much, wouldn't it? To tell Kurt everything he felt, everything he had felt for him since the very beginning, everything he hadn't been free to say back then? It was too much, too soon. This was just a serendipitous occasion, it didn't mean they were going to see each other again, right? He didn't even know if Kurt was single (not allowed to ask, not allowed to ask, not allowed to ask).

Kurt must have noticed it was a loaded question, because he cleared his throat, and before Blaine even had time to find the way to answer, he said: "So, uh, you said Lena and Theo read my story? Did they like it?"

Blaine was pathetically grateful for Kurt's change of subject. He smiled. "Yes! They loved it. They have made me read it so much that I had to get it bound or it would be in pieces by now."

"I'm glad they enjoyed it," Kurt said.

"I am still so sorry I couldn't give it to them sooner," Blaine said sincerely. "I should have… I should have done lots of things differently."

Kurt inhaled sharply. "Lots of things?"

"Yeah," Blaine said. It felt like standing on the edge of a precipice. He could tilt down into the abyss or he could step back, be safe. "I… I was the one who came clean. I told Jack about you. I told him we couldn't keep lying to each other. I just wish I had done it a little sooner, so I wouldn't have… so I wouldn't have lost you."

He could tell the words hit Kurt as hardly as it felt to let them out – this admission that what he had wanted the most was gone, that he had missed his chance. That he had given it up due to cowardice.

"Blaine…" Kurt said, and oh. His name on his lips. It shouldn't have made Blaine shiver like this, and yet…

"I've regretted it every single day since I walked away from you," Blaine said. There was so much more he wanted to say, but he wasn't sure it was the right time. He wasn't sure Kurt would want to hear it. He had so much groveling to do… "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for hurting you, for ruining something that was so, so beautiful."

"Please don't say it just to say it…" Kurt murmured.

"I'm not. I didn't have the courage to do it back then. I wish I hadn't been afraid. I wish I could have…" Blaine shook his head. "My life was so much better with you in it. Sometimes I'm in bed at night, and the apartment is quiet and empty because the kids are with Jack, and I realize that everything I feared was in vain. Because Jack and I found a way to make the kids happy without having to force ourselves to be together. And Jack has Eddie, is starting a new life with him, and I reach across the bed and all I want is for you to be there, next to me."

And that was the closest he could come to I love you today.

Maybe ever, if Kurt decided walking away was the best he could do.

It looked like Kurt was having trouble breathing. He stared at Blaine, eyes suspiciously bright, lips slightly parted, and Blaine waited – that was all he could do, just wait for whatever Kurt was going to say next.

There was an insistent buzzing and soon Kurt was scrambling to get his phone out of his pocket with fingers that were shivering a bit. Blaine pretended not to notice and looked away (what if a guy was texting him? What if it was Kurt's new boyfriend? What if what Blaine had said didn't mean anything to him anymore?).

"Shit," Kurt murmured. "I was supposed to go babysit my friend Rachel's kid. She's going to be late to rehearsal."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to keep you," Blaine said. He had the strange and miserable feeling that he was about to say goodbye to Kurt for the very last time.

"Don't be. I really liked running into you," Kurt said. "I wish I could stay a little longer, but… I should go."

Blaine bit his lip. He kept his fingers stubbornly wrapped around his coffee cup. If he let his hands free, he wasn't sure what they were going to do. He wasn't sure whether he could stop them from reaching for Kurt, holding on tight, not letting him go.

Kurt stood up slowly. "Well, I… I'm glad you're doing better. Give the kids my love, okay?"

"I will," Blaine said. There was a knot in his throat.

Kurt gave a brief little nod. "See you."

Blaine could have sworn the world suddenly quieted as he watched Kurt leave. His heartbeats were so loud, they seemed to pound in his ears. Kurt crossed the door, back into the Manhattan sunshine. Blaine's chest ached.

He couldn't be a coward again.

Courage, he told himself.

He was on his feet before he knew what he was doing, rushing out of the coffee shop, glancing down the sidewalk to find Kurt. He hadn't even made it to the corner yet. There he was – Blaine couldn't let him go.

"Kurt!" He exclaimed.

Kurt turned around, eyebrows rising in surprise, eyes bright. He stood there, as Blaine jogged towards him, pushing past everyone to get to him. "Yes?" He said, when Blaine reached him.

Blaine took a deep breath. It was time to jump and hope he landed safely with both feet on the ground. "Look, I don't know if it's too late. I don't know if I made too many mistakes. I don't know if you're even with anyone right now. But I… I would like to see you again. Please."

Kurt's face morphed into incredulity. "Really?"

"Yes," Blaine said eagerly. "I know we got it all wrong last time, but maybe… we can have a fresh start? If that's something you'd like?"

Slowly, very slowly, a smile started to grow on Kurt's lips. "We really did get it all wrong, didn't we?"

Blaine shrugged. "Not everything. Some things felt so, so right."

Kurt stared at him, hesitating for a moment. Blaine held his breath. All he needed was for Kurt to jump with him.

Taking his phone out of his pocket, he extended it to Blaine. "I kind of deleted your number, so… can I have it again, please?"

Relief flooded through Blaine's veins, thicker than blood. "Of course."

"I'm going to be busy all day with Camden and I have plans with Santana and Brittany tonight, but…" Kurt murmured as Blaine typed his information. "Would you like to meet for brunch tomorrow?"

"I'd love that," Blaine said, and he would have agreed to anything right now.

He couldn't believe this door was still open. He thought it would be closed forever, key thrown away.

"Okay," Kurt said. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"See you tomorrow," Blaine echoed.

His heart kept thumping as Kurt left, looking back over his shoulder once to smile at him. Blaine spent the rest of the day trying to keep it under control, but it was impossible.

He'd never thought he had a chance with Kurt again.

He wasn't going to screw it up this time.


Is it too late to find someone to
Shield you when your nerves are raw?
Just say it, sing it like you mean it
I need you now and forevermore


For the past twenty-four hours, Kurt had felt like he had been only half-consciously going through his day, his mind elsewhere. Santana had stared at him, eyes narrowed, like she was trying to figure out what the hell was going on, but he brushed away every question. He wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

Maybe there was nothing to talk about. Maybe he would meet Blaine for brunch and then they would part ways, never to see each other again.

His hands were sweaty. He hated that, but no matter how many times he ran them against his pants, no matter how many times he washed them and dried them, they were sweaty all over again. He was nervous. It was stupid to be nervous. He had already lost everything – it wasn't like he could lose anything else.

Except for this second chance.

They hadn't texted much, though the temptation had been there. They had just agreed on a time and place and that was it. Kurt had to practically bite his own fingers to stop himself from sending him more messages – there was so much he wanted to know. What else had Blaine been up to in the past year? Did he still live in the same apartment? Had he thought of Kurt as often as Kurt had thought of him?

Perhaps he would find some of those answers during brunch.

He checked his reflection in the mirror a million times. He wore that new shirt he had bought last month, the sapphire blue one that made his eyes pop, and the pants Santana said made his ass look amazing. She had even slapped his butt when she saw him wearing it – if she couldn't resist it, then maybe it would be even more successful on Blaine?

God, this was so annoying. He googled how to make your hands stop sweating, but nothing helped.

They had decided to meet at a coffee place neither of them knew, but that was halfway between their apartments. Kurt hadn't cared, honestly, where they would meet. He was so nervous he wasn't sure he would be able to eat anything. And that was really stupid, wasn't it? He knew Blaine, and Blaine knew him, probably better than most people in his life. Just because they had gotten it wrong the last time, didn't mean things were going to be a disaster now, right?

I'm not in love with you.

In the worst moments of insecurity, those were the words that tolled in Kurt's head, silencing whatever reassurances he managed to come up with.

But he tried to push through it this time. Why had Blaine chased after him yesterday, if he didn't care? He wasn't a cruel man. He wouldn't set him up to be hurt again.

Kurt never wanted to be hurt like that again.

It felt like maybe the universe had put them in each other's paths again for a reason. Kurt had been toying with the idea of looking for a surrogate for about a month now, but he didn't quite dare to take the step. Maybe this was a sign that he needed to wait a bit longer, that he shouldn't force things to work like he wanted them to if they weren't meant to be.

Much like his relationship with Blaine hadn't meant to be the last time.

Kurt needed to stop thinking so much or he would end up throwing up in a random street in Manhattan before he even made it to the coffee shop.

Blaine was already there when he arrived. Kurt could see him from outside, sitting at a small table by the window, scrolling through his phone. Anyone who didn't know him would have said he was the picture of nonchalance, but Kurt could see the slight tension in his shoulders, the way he glanced around nervously every few seconds, eyes falling on the door. He was waiting for him.

Kurt went in and straight towards him, and he noticed the way Blaine breathed out in obvious relief as he stood up. They only hesitated for a second or two, before Blaine finally reached out and pulled him into a hug.

The sensation of being in Blaine's arms after all this time could only be equated to what it felt like when he walked past the front door into the house in Ohio, whenever he went to visit, the way the familiar smells and sounds filled his senses. Everything around them smelled of coffee, but right here, so close to Blaine, it smelled of his cologne and his aftershave, and Kurt's heart picked up pace.

"Hi," Blaine whispered.

"Hi," Kurt replied.

They both seemed rather reluctant to let go, but they couldn't just stand there all morning, so eventually, with an awkward chuckle, they pulled away and sat down. The waiter dropped the menus and left as quickly as he had appeared.

"Have you been waiting long?" Kurt asked, because now that Blaine was right in front of him, he didn't want any more silence. He wanted to hear his voice and everything he had to say.

"Not really. About ten minutes? But I was early, I…" Blaine looked at him and bit his lip, suddenly sheepish. "I was really looking forward to seeing you. I couldn't wait at home any longer."

Kurt smiled. How could he not? But he needed a moment to regain his composure and keep from throwing himself across the table to kiss him, so he shifted his focus to the menu. "So, what should we get?"

They perused the menu for a bit, attention on the food, and Kurt hadn't noticed that they both had pressed their free hands on the table until Blaine's had slowly, slowly inched towards his, fingertips brushing his.

Kurt's eyes snapped to him. "Oh. I…"

"Sorry," Blaine said at once, moving his hand away. "Too fast. I didn't mean to assume… I'm sorry."

"No, no, it's fine," Kurt muttered. "It's just… my hands have been sweaty all morning," he added with a little bit of shame.

Blaine watched him. "Your hands are never sweaty."

Kurt shrugged. "Well, I'm rarely this nervous, so."

Blaine's face softened, eyes seeming to melt into liquid honey. He put his hand back on the table, palm up, fingers lightly flexed, an invitation. "Kurt, you never have to be nervous with me."

Sure, there was nothing to be nervous about. It was just that Blaine represented everything Kurt had ever wanted. No big deal.

Kurt grinned slightly and allowed his hand to fall on Blaine's. "Disgusting?" He asked.

Blaine laughed, lifting their joined hands and pressing a kiss to his knuckles. "Never."

They both seemed to relax a bit after that, like whatever barrier had been between them vanished away. They ordered the food and sipped their coffee, and for a moment stayed away from heavy topics. Blaine asked him about work, something Kurt was always happy to talk about lately.

"So we're finishing the new collection now. It's insane, but so exciting," Kurt was saying, pausing for a moment to sip his coffee. When he glanced at Blaine, he found him staring at him, eyes bright, a gentle smile on his face. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just… it's really nice to see you this happy about work," Blaine said. "You were never this excited before, when we first met. I can tell you made the right decision, changing careers."

Kurt beamed at him. "I know. Life was so… uncertain for a while, though. I changed careers and I moved to a new place and I got divorced and it felt like everything I knew was suddenly gone, but… it's been good for me, in the long run."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Blaine said. He tilted his head, regarding him. "Have… have you stayed in touch with Ian?"

Kurt laughed bitterly. "God, no. Things got very nasty, he wanted nothing to do with me. The divorce wasn't easy, he wanted to fight for every single thing. I didn't want anything, honestly, so… I think that's why we managed to get it done as quickly as we did. I just wanted a clean break and a new start, you know?"

Blaine looked at him sadly. "I'm sorry it had to be so rough."

Kurt put his coffee down and reached for a piece of toast. "Divorce isn't easy. I guess that's why I put it off for as long as I did. I just didn't want to deal with it, because I knew it was going to be messy." He spread some cream cheese and avocado on the toast. "Was it like that for you, too?"

"Surprisingly, no," Blaine said. "I guess we were both tired of lying and honesty felt really good. We were relieved, even if we were worried about how the kids would react. But we had to accept it was the only thing we could do. The right thing."

"That's good. I know you were scared about the consequences, so…" Kurt said.

Blaine sighed. "Yeah. I should have been a bit braver and talked to Jack sooner. He was already in love with someone else, long before you and I met. We just dragged the situation on for longer than necessary. And it was stupid, especially considering we get along so much better now that there's nothing to hide. I'm genuinely happy for him and Eddie."

"So you've officially met him?" Kurt wanted to know.

"Oh, yeah, right before Christmas. They wanted to tell me about the engagement. The kids are really fond of him, actually. We've gotten together several times now. Eddie just moved into Jack's apartment, so he's been hanging out with the kids a lot," Blaine explained. "I thought it was going to be weird, but we found some balance."

"Well, that's wonderful," Kurt said. "You must be so relieved."

"I am, yeah," Blaine replied. "I'm not going to lie, it hit me like a freight train at first, when Jack told me he had asked Eddie to marry him, but… I mean, I want him to be happy. We weren't right together, at least the last couple of years of our marriage. We were screwing everything up. If he loves Eddie, then that's the person he should be with."

Kurt placed the toast back on the plate and took a deep breath before he looked Blaine in the eyes. "And what about you?"

Blaine knew exactly what he was asking him without the need for Kurt to clarify anything at all. "Well, I'm working on it. If he'll have me."

It was the sincerity in his eyes, and the soft smile on his lips that completely threatened to break Kurt into pieces, but this time for all the right reasons.

He exhaled shakily. "I missed you so much."

Something broke in Blaine too, whatever restraint he was still holding onto, because at Kurt's words, he stood up, went around the table and pulled him up to his feet to kiss him.

Kurt wished he had given him some kind of warning, because he wasn't expecting the rush of emotion that went through him at feeling Blaine this close to him again. It was as if he had been walking around with every piece of himself in the wrong place for the past year, like a puzzle put together by someone who had no idea how puzzles worked, pieces jammed together all wrong, the picture nothing like it was supposed to be. And with this one kiss, everything shifted and rearranged itself and it suddenly… just made sense.

"I missed you, too," Blaine whispered against his lips, a little brokenly, like the kiss had affected him just as much as it had affected Kurt.

Kurt kissed him again – he needed to make up for all the months he hadn't been able to do this. For a moment, he didn't care that they were in a crowded coffee shop in the middle of the Sunday brunch rush. All he cared about was keeping Blaine in his arms and kissing him until they both forgot how difficult it had been to stay apart.

It was like everything snapped back to how it used to be, the chemistry still intact. Blaine smiled into the next kiss, one hand cupping Kurt's cheek, the other one grabbing him by the waist, and Kurt hadn't felt this steady and grounded since… well, he couldn't remember, really.

And there it was again, the little flame lapping at his insides, the urge for more, his body screaming for what it had been denied for too long.

By the way Blaine's eyes had darkened when they pulled away, Kurt wasn't the only one who felt like that.

"Do you want to…" Kurt started, hesitating only briefly. "Do you want to go to my place?"

"Yes," Blaine replied at once, and whatever doubt, whatever fear was still twisting in Kurt's belly was gone.

All they wanted, all they needed was to be alone, to get reacquainted with each other. Kurt was aware that there was still so much they needed to talk about, that jumping right back into it didn't seem like the smartest choice, but his want for Blaine was something he couldn't control. The questions he still had were pushed down, down, down, where they couldn't demand for answers for a little while. All that mattered was Blaine, and his lips, and the way they held hands, tugging, tugging, tugging, trying to get the other to hurry up, as they left the coffee shop and began to walk in the direction of Kurt's apartment.

They didn't say a single word until they were safely past the front door and, once closed, Kurt pushed Blaine against it, body pressed against his, fingers grabbing onto his clothes, breath already a little ragged. But he didn't kiss him. He just looked at him, tilting between desperation and caution.

"Are you… are you sure?" He asked. "Are you sure this is what you want? Because, Blaine, I don't think I can get over you again. I'm not entirely sure I even got over you in the first place. I think I just… learned to live with the heartache and pushed through it. So if you're not sure…"

"I'm sure," Blaine murmured. He brushed some hair off Kurt's forehead, tenderly. "I'm so sure, Kurt. This is what I want. No… you are what I want."

And how could Kurt hold back after that?

They would figure out the details later. Right now, all that mattered was kissing Blaine again.

They ignored Petra, who sat there staring and judging, as Kurt began to push Blaine in the direction of his bedroom. They didn't exactly take their time – there was something slightly reminiscent of their first time together at that hotel room where they had met over and over and over again. Now, it wasn't because they had to be quick before anyone noticed they were gone. Now, it was because they had longed for this for so long, that they needed more skin, more kisses, more and more and more, right now.

Clothes formed a pile on the floor and Blaine fell on his back on the bed. He licked his lips as he looked at Kurt.

"Rude of you to not offer me a tour of your apartment," he said.

Kurt arched his eyebrow. "Oh yeah? Do you want me to stop and do that instead of this?"

Blaine's eyes travelled down Kurt's body, to the erection already pressing against his underwear. He licked his lip again. "Not really, no."

Kurt smirked. "Thought so," he muttered, and climbed on the bed, hovering right above him, close, but not enough.

"I haven't asked you," Blaine said, hand pressing against the small of Kurt's back, and Kurt shivered – it had been so, so long since he had felt his touch on his naked skin. "Whether you're sure, too, I mean."

Kurt snorted, which was probably the least sexy sound he could make right now. "Do you really need to ask me that? Blaine, I've been sure since the moment I first met you."

"Was that when you spilled coffee on me or when you met me in a room full of second graders?" Blaine asked, teasingly, only for his face to soften immediately. He reached up and cupped Kurt's face. "I never meant to hurt you or make you feel unwanted, you know? I was just… I was just scared."

Blaine wasn't saying that he felt the same as Kurt did, at least not in so many words, but the way he was looking at him, the way he touched him so reverently… Kurt had to believe that there were feelings there. Maybe one day, they might even become love.

Kurt could wait. He was a patient guy. When it counted, at least.

Blaine parted his lips, like he was about to say something, but Kurt realized he didn't want to talk anymore. He didn't want to joke around or tease him or do anything but kiss him, touch him, make him feel everything he was feeling. But no words were needed. He could show him.

He could put his hands on Blaine's body and draw a new beginning.

They kissed. They kissed until words didn't exist anymore, until all they could say was each other's names, until all the sounds they made came out in the shapes of sighs or increasingly breathless moans. They finished getting undressed. They didn't want anything between them, not even something as insignificant and thin as underwear.

They moved together, the heat growing as their bodies got reacquainted, sparks of pleasure travelling through them, until it was so much, too much, and they needed more.

"Please," was all Blaine had to say, and Kurt knew exactly what he wanted.

He reached into the bedside drawer and fished for the lube and the condoms.

He loved the way Blaine's body responded to his touch – how goosebumps raised on his skin when he licked his nipple, how his cock twitched when he whispered something into his ear, how his legs parted for Kurt's slick fingers. Everything in him was perfectly attuned to Kurt. It was like they were meant to be like this, like their bodies had been made from the same mold.

How had they survived the past year?

Kurt swallowed Blaine's groan, lips pressed against his, as he pushed past the first ring of muscle. He was so tight.

"It's been a while," Blaine said, as if he could read his thoughts. He arched his back a little, asking for more.

Kurt crooked his finger, moved it around a bit, trying to loosen him up. "How long?"

"I…" Blaine threw his head back, parted his legs a little more. "I haven't been with anyone since the last time I was with you."

Kurt looked down at him. "Really?"

"Didn't find the time," Blaine said, eyes screwed shut. "And I didn't meet anyone I cared about enough to make time either."

"I… I haven't been with anyone, either," Kurt admitted. "I've been on a few dates, but… never made it past the front door with any of them."

"Then we both need it bad," Blaine said, lifting his head to kiss Kurt again. He pressed his hands to Kurt's shoulders, holding on for dear life and looked at him right in the eyes. "So can you maybe not talk about dating other guys and just fuck me?"

Kurt kissed him, hard and passionate and a little off-center, so turned on he didn't know what to do. He finished stretching him, adding a second finger and then a third, until Blaine was a begging mess, and then finally reached for the condom, rolling it on himself.

"You ready?" He asked. He could feel a drop of sweat running down the side of his face.

Blaine parted his legs a little more. "Please, Kurt. Please."

Kurt didn't really need him to beg. He would give him anything, no matter what.

Never before had Kurt felt this calm, this rightness during sex before, not even when he'd had sex with Blaine all those months ago. It filled him completely, soothing his soul, taking away whatever remains of pain and loneliness he had felt in the past year. Blaine was miraculous like that – what they shared was miraculous like that. Kurt felt like he belonged again.

His thrusts were slow, in time with his own heartbeat and Blaine's puffs of breath. Blaine's legs were wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer, like he didn't want even an inch of space between them, and Kurt understood. He wasn't sure how he was going to let go, how he was going to let Blaine get back home tonight. He felt needy and safe and complete, all at the same time.

"A little harder, Kurt…" Blaine muttered, clinging to him tightly.

Kurt snapped his hips forward, fucking harder and deeper, earning a deep moan from Blaine that made pleasure coil in his belly. He was overwhelmed with the nearness, with the connection. How had he survived without feeling like this all this time? He had missed Blaine so much, more than he had ever missed anyone…

Their orgasms sneaked up on them unexpectedly. Kurt's thrusts became more erratic as Blaine squeezed around him, arching, screaming at the ceiling. It didn't last as much as they would have probably wanted, and they hadn't taken their time as they should have, but it had felt so good, and so natural, this way of reconnecting…

"Fuck," Blaine whispered, panting.

"You okay, baby?" Kurt asked, dropping kisses on Blaine's cheeks, on his neck, on his shoulders…

"Never better," Blaine said with a quick laugh. "But I kind of wanted that to last a little longer."

Kurt shrugged. "We have time though, right? It's still early…"

"We do have time," Blaine said, wrapping his arms around Kurt's shoulders, pulling him down for a languid, deep kiss. "I'm all yours."

Kurt had never heard sweeter words.


It was a perfect kind of afternoon.

They only left the bed to get snacks and use the bathroom, and then they were back, reaching for each other again, touching, kissing, pulling, biting, fucking. It was like they were trying to make up for lost time. Kurt left a little mark in the shape of his mouth on one of Blaine's hipbones that Blaine knew he'd be pressing his fingers to every day until it faded. It was like tangible evidence that this had happened, that Kurt was back in his life, that things were finally on track to be better, happier.

After about the fifth orgasm or so (they had started to lose track), they were too spent to keep going, so they simply lay there in sheets that smelled like them both, Blaine on his back, Kurt against his side, head resting on his chest, fingers drawing invisible shapes around his belly button, talking. They talked about everything – mostly about silly stuff, like the movies or books they had enjoyed in the past few months, or about the new restaurant near the park that Kurt had gone to with Isabelle and swore Blaine would love. There was nothing tentative about the way they talked, like they didn't doubt they were going to be in each other's lives, but no promises were made.

Blaine didn't need promises. There was a certainty in his heart that he hadn't felt since he was young, a lot younger than he was now.

They kissed. They kissed until their lips hurt. Kurt's eyes were filled with a quiet sort of bliss as they pulled away that Blaine always wanted to find in them.

Everything really felt like it was falling into place.

And then, as Kurt sat up for a moment to stretch his arms and pop his slightly sore muscles, Blaine glanced at the clock on the nightstand and cursed under his breath. Kurt turned to look at him, curious.

"Jack's dropping the kids off at my place in about an hour. I have to go," he said, sitting up, not without a huge amount of regret.

"Oh," Kurt muttered. "Okay. No problem. I guess I'll… I'll see you soon, then?"

Blaine bit his lip as he watched him sitting there, on the edge of the bed, his broad naked back and his tousled hair and his shiny blue eyes. His sinfully kissed-red mouth. And he knew he was never going to give this up again. He knew he wanted this and everything Kurt was for the rest of his life.

"Would you like to come with me and have dinner with the kids?" He asked.

Kurt was visibly surprised. He stared at him with wide eyes, and then, very slowly, a smile started forming on his face, the excitement shining through. "Really? You want that?"

Blaine shifted on the mattress until he was close enough to put his arm around Kurt's waist from behind. He kissed right under his left ear. "Thought I'd made it clear that I want everything, Kurt."

Kurt grinned at him. "Do I have time to take a shower?"

"Yup," Blaine said. "Can I join you?"

"As long as you don't make me late," Kurt teased, standing up and extending his hand to Blaine. He took it. "I have to get ready to see some very adorable kiddos and I want to be on time."

Blaine laughed as he followed him to the bathroom.

They got a little distracted. It was inevitable.


Is it too late to find someone to
Shield you when your nerves are raw?
Just say it, scream it like you mean it
I need you now and forevermore
Yeah, I need you now and forevermore


They ended up having to take a taxi, otherwise Jack would have arrived long before they did. Blaine ushered Kurt into the apartment, both of them taking their jackets off, laughing for some reason they couldn't explain, as if the giddiness had just taken over them and they couldn't stop.

"What a nice place," Kurt commented, glancing around, curiosity plain in his features.

Blaine snorted. "Wait until the kids get here. It'll be a mess within five minutes."

Kurt paused by the couch and picked up a picture frame from the side table. He studied it for a moment, a soft smile appearing on his lips. It had been taken on Theo's last birthday, when Blaine had taken the kids to Coney Island.

"Anything I should know before the kids get here?" Kurt asked, an edge of nervousness slipping into his voice. "I don't want to screw up in any way."

Blaine came to stand next to him. He hooked his chin on his shoulder and pressed a hand on the small of his back. It felt nice, to be able to touch him like this, so casually. Blaine was a little blown away by the fact that none of this felt weird, not after how long they had been apart. It was like they hadn't stopped at all, just pressed pause.

"You won't screw up," he reassured him. "They're going to be so happy that you're here."

Kurt nodded. "And… what about Jack?"

Blaine glanced at him. "Jack? Oh, he'll be okay with it."

Kurt took a deep breath. "Alright. If you say so."

"Don't be nervous," Blaine said, leaning up on his toes to press a kiss to his temple. "They're going to…"

The doorbell rang and Blaine's words were cut off. He squeezed Kurt's hand as he moved away, a last reassurance. He headed to the door. Just before he pulled it open, he glanced back at Kurt, who was straightening his back, serious as if he was about to meet the King of England and not two young children.

Every time they came back from Jack's, it felt like the kids practically spilled through the front door, always already in action, chatting and bouncing. There wasn't a moment of quietness with them, and that was why having to share custody had been so hard on Blaine in the beginning. Their absence had been too noticeable.

"Daddy, hi! Papa took us to McDonald's and I ate all my French fries and Theo's, too, when he got full," Lena was saying. "And then Eddie said I can't have any of the cookies we baked this morning, so I brought them!"

"That's great, sweetheart," Blaine said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. He reached down to pick up Theo. "And how about you? Were you allowed cookies?"

"Just one," Theo said sheepishly.

"The apartment perpetually smells like cookies," Jack said with a fond eye-roll. "I keep telling Eddie he doesn't need to win the kids' love with sugary treats."

Blaine smiled. "He's trying, leave him alone." He thought it was kind of sweet, no pun intended, that Eddie had chosen one activity to bond with the kids, that it had become their thing. It was obvious he cared a lot.

At least Blaine always knew that his children were cared for, even when he couldn't be there with them.

He bit his lip. "Uhm, Jack, before you go… there's someone I want you to meet."

Lena looked up from her container of cookies, eyes already searching. When they fell on Kurt, standing awkwardly in the living room, she gasped.

"Kurt?" She exclaimed.

"Hi," he said timidly, like he still wasn't sure he was allowed to speak to the kids until their other father gave his approval.

"Oh, wow, Kurt?" Jack muttered, glancing at Blaine for confirmation.

Blaine waved him into the apartment. "Yeah. Kurt, this is Jack. Jack… Kurt Hummel."

Kurt extended his hand to him, still too serious. "It's nice to meet you," he said.

Jack grinned at him as he shook his hand. "Oh, same. It's nice to meet you at last. How have you been?"

Kurt had obviously not expected Jack to be so pleasant. "I'm good, thanks. You?"

"Well, I'm certainly happy to see you and Blaine got reacquainted," Jack commented. "He was a moping puppy for months. He was more upset over not seeing you again than our divorce…"

"Hey!" Blaine said, pushing his ex-husband slightly. "Shut up."

Jack laughed. "Sorry, B. Just saying it like it is. Glad you two found each other again. Why didn't you tell me?"

"We just ran into each other yesterday, actually," Blaine replied. "I was thinking Kurt could have dinner with me and the kids tonight. I would have called you and let you know, ask if you were okay with it first, but I… uh, got sidetracked."

Jack arched an eyebrow at him. "Sidetracked? I bet."

Kurt blushed so hard he could have stopped traffic.

"You're staying for dinner?" Lena asked, bouncing in excitement. "Oh that's so cool! Can I show you my room? I have all your books, even the one you wrote for us for Christmas! I still ask dad to read it to me all the time, even though I can read it myself now!"

"That's so sweet, Lena. I would love to see your room," Kurt replied carefully, still glancing intermittently at Blaine and Jack as if to make sure it was okay.

Jack reached and squeezed Kurt's shoulder. "Glad you're here." He turned to Blaine. "I'll let you guys get back to your evening, then. I'll see you again on Wednesday? We'll bring dessert. There's a new little bakery near our apartment that has the best cannolis."

"That sounds great," Blaine said, looking at him gratefully. He was so glad that Jack was being so nice. "It's Theo's turn to choose what we eat, though, so brace yourselves."

Jack groaned under his breath and pressed a kiss to Theo's cheek, who was still perched in Blaine's arms. "Pick wisely, son," he said. "Alright. I'm leaving. Bye, Kurt! It was nice to meet you."

He kissed Lena and patted Blaine's back in a friendly manner, and then he was gone.

"You okay?" Blaine asked as he put Theo down.

"He was so kind," Kurt commented.

"Were you expecting him to be some sort of ogre or…?" Blaine smiled at him.

"Well, when you first told me about him, you were sort of mad at him, so…" Kurt shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Lots of water under the bridge, huh?"

"I told you, we're in a really good place now. We get along really well," Blaine said, before turning to the kids. "Alright, everyone! Go leave your bags in your rooms. And don't throw stuff everywhere. Be tidy, please. We have company."

"Yes, daddy," Theo said. Then he glanced up at Kurt. "See my room? And new firetruck?"

Kurt looked like he had died and gone to heaven. There was a big smile on his face. "I'd love that, yes."

Theo beamed at him, and then both kids headed down the hallway, already arguing about who would get to show their room to Kurt first. Blaine laughed, mostly at Kurt's bewildered expression.

"They like you, you know?" Blaine said, reaching for Kurt's hand to pull him closer. He pressed a kiss to the edge of his jaw. "They've always liked you, since the first time they met you."

Kurt's eyes were unusually bright. "I… I see that."

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked, tilting his head to study him.

"Yes. Yes, I'm great," Kurt said, wiping at his eyes. "This is just… kind of what I've always wanted." He stopped and looked at Blaine, hesitating. "I mean… I'm sorry if that sounds… I shouldn't have said…"

"Kurt," Blaine interrupted him, before he could babble himself to a panic attack. "It's okay. It's more than okay, actually. I wish… I wish I could have given you this sooner."

Kurt let out a shaky breath and nodded, looking like he didn't exactly know what to say to that.

"I'm going to get started on dinner," Blaine said. "Do you want to help? I'm thinking of doing something simple, maybe pasta?"

"That sounds great. Yes, I'll help."

Blaine watched Kurt as he moved around his kitchen and it felt like a glimpse into the future. Maybe one day, it wouldn't be odd at all for Jack to bring the kids back and Kurt being there. Maybe one day, Kurt would be a part of their life, as naturally as Eddie was part of their life when they were at Jack's place. Maybe one day, Kurt's and Blaine's lives would be so intertwined that this would be a normal Sunday for them.

That was what Blaine wanted the most.

Blaine was about to dump the pasta in the boiling water when the kids appeared in the kitchen doorway.

"Can Kurt come see our rooms now?" Lena asked with pleading eyes.

Kurt glanced at Blaine for confirmation.

"Of course," Blaine said. "But dinner will be ready soon, okay?"

"Okay, daddy!" Lena said, and bounced her way into the kitchen to grab Kurt's hand. "Come on, Kurt! We'll start with my room!"

They dragged him out, Theo reaching for Kurt's free hand as they walked by him, and Blaine had to stop, leaning against the counter, and wait until his heart stopped beating so hard it was the only thing he could hear.

As he finished cooking, he could hear their voices as Lena showed Kurt everything she had in her room that she loved. He set the table – usually, he would get the kids to do it to help out, but he spared them tonight. He liked that they were bonding with Kurt. He hoped they would get along.

When he was done, he walked down the hallway to get them, and found them in Theo's room. The three of them were sitting on the floor together, as Theo showed off his truck collection. Kurt was arranging them on the floor by color, Lena sitting by his side, helping. Blaine pressed his fingers to his lips – he wasn't sure if he was trying to stop a sob or a smile.

It looked like he didn't need to worry whether they would get along.

"Guys," he said softly, not wanting to startle them. "Go wash your hands for dinner."

Theo tried to protest.

"Come on. There'll be plenty of time to play after dinner, or some other day," Blaine insisted.

Kurt helped the kids to their feet. "You can finish showing me your collection later, Theo."

"Okay!" The little boy said happily, and both he and his sister ran to the bathroom to wash their hands.

Blaine walked into the room and circled his arms around Kurt's waist. "You're really great with them."

Kurt shrugged. "I love kids."

"I know you do," Blaine whispered, and he moved in for a quick, chaste kiss that didn't feel like nearly enough.

The four of them sat down for dinner, and it was a bit mind-blowing, just how easy it felt, how quickly the kids seemed to fall for Kurt – and could Blaine really blame them? He had fallen for him hard and fast, despite how scared he had been to admit it, and he had been unable to fall out in the past year, no matter how hard he tried.

Kurt was the kind of man you loved forever.

"So," he said, when the plates were nearly empty and there was finally a lull in the conversation. He glanced at Lena and Theo, and then briefly at Kurt before he focused back on their children. "How would you guys feel if we spent some more time with Kurt from now on?"

Kurt's eyes became bright again – he had been on the verge of tears several times today.

Lena perked up. "Really?"

"I like Kurt!" Theo exclaimed.

Kurt chuckled, and reached to ruffle the boy's hair lovingly. "I like you too," he whispered, like it was a secret, making Theo giggle.

"Well, if Kurt wants, sure…" Blaine murmured. "I thought we could have him over for dinner and maybe we could hang out on weekends, too, when you're not at Papa's?"

"Yes!" Lena replied. "That would be so great!"

Theo turned to Kurt, pleading eyes on him. "Please, Kurt? Please?"

Blaine saw him take a deep breath. He glanced at Blaine briefly and then back at the kids.

"I'd love to spend more time with you," he said, and the children cheered.

Afterwards, Kurt offered to take care of the dishes. Blaine told him there was no need, but he needed to get the kids ready for bed, so Kurt took the dirty plates into the kitchen anyway. Once he had made sure that the kids brushed their teeth and were changing into their pajamas, Blaine headed back to the kitchen, where Kurt was just finishing up at the sink.

"Told you to leave those," he said fondly.

Kurt shrugged. "You cooked. Plus, I don't mind."

"Thank you," Blaine said. He kissed the back of Kurt's shoulder. "I'm sorry if I sort of ambushed you at the table, asking the kids if they were okay spending more time with you. I realize I should have probably asked you first…"

"I think you've known all along what my answer was going to be," Kurt said, turning around, leaning against the counter. Blaine put his arms on either side of him, trapping him a bit. "I'm just happy that they aren't upset or anything."

"They were okay with Eddie, so…" Blaine shrugged. "But I do think maybe we will hold off on you staying over for a couple of weeks, at least."

"Oh," Kurt said, straightening up. "Of course. Yes. Let me get my jacket and…"

Blaine laughed, and stepped closer, trapping Kurt a little more. "I'm not kicking you out, silly. I'm just saying that I think I want them to get used to having you around first. Plus… I don't think I'd be able to keep my hands to myself, and we both know we can get a little loud…"

Kurt blushed, and it was quickly becoming one of Blaine's favorite things in the world. "You're so evil."

Blaine was leaning in for a kiss when Lena screamed from her room: "Kurt! Will you tell us a bedtime story?"

Blaine dropped his head on Kurt's shoulder with a little groan. "See? This is what you're getting yourself into."

Kurt laughed. "I'm not complaining. Can I…?"

"Of course," Blaine replied, and moved away to let him walk out of the kitchen.

Blaine finished tidying up and then stood there, realizing that, despite everything they had talked about, despite all the hints of a future between them, there was something rather important that he still hadn't said.

He quietly stepped out of the kitchen and down the hallway to Lena's room. Kurt was sitting against the headboard, both kids snuggled against him, and he was reading from the book he had written for them for Christmas. Theo had already fallen asleep, but Lena's eyes were fixed on Kurt's face, like she was taking in every single word, like she didn't want to look away in case she missed something.

Everything was clicking into place. Blaine felt a rush of peace as he looked at them.

He went into the room. Kurt took his eyes out of the story just for a second, before he kept reading. Blaine carefully picked up Theo to carry him to his room. He tucked him into bed and kissed his forehead before rejoining Kurt and Lena in her bedroom.

Lena was struggling to keep her eyes open by the time Kurt reached the end. "Once more?" She asked.

"You need to sleep," Blaine replied. "You have school in the morning."

Lena groaned, sleepily.

"I'll read you another story some other day," Kurt murmured, brushing her curls away from her face gently. "I promise."

"Okay," she sighed. "Goodnight, Kurt. Goodnight, daddy."

"Goodnight, sweetheart," Kurt said as he stood up to let her get more comfortable.

Blaine tucked her in. He kissed her forehead. "Sweet dreams, baby girl."

They turned the light off and went back into the living room.

"I should probably go," Kurt said. "It's getting late and we all have to be up early tomorrow."

"Sure," Blaine said, but he wrapped his arms around Kurt as he did, not ready to let go. "I… the kids are so enchanted by you, you know?"

Kurt smiled. "They're such great kids."

"I'm really proud of them," Blaine said, smiling back. "And I love seeing you with them."

"Thanks for having me over for dinner," Kurt said. "I had a nice time getting to know them."

Blaine reached up to cup his face, hazel eyes fixed on Kurt's blue ones. "Kurt, I…" He licked his lips. "I need to apologize."

Kurt looked confused. "What for?"

"I'm sorry I lied when you told me you loved me," Blaine said, and Kurt let out a little gasp, like he hadn't been expecting that. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away that I loved you, too. I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough when you needed me to be."

"You… you loved me?" Kurt muttered, bewildered.

"So much," Blaine nodded. "But I still hadn't figured things out with Jack, with the kids, and I was afraid it would all be a mess. I thought I had to resign myself to being in an unhappy marriage to give my children the life they needed, and it turns out I was so, so wrong…" He sighed. "And I hurt you in the process, and said things I didn't mean. So I'm sorry."

"That's okay, I…" Kurt seemed to be at a loss for words. "I understand, Blaine. It was a difficult position for you. Your children will always come first, and that's the way it has to be."

"Running into you again…" Blaine said, and he looked at Kurt like he couldn't quite believe he was real. "You know, what I said, a long time ago, is still true: you make me feel so alive. And yesterday it was like you woke me up after spending a whole year asleep and I… Kurt, I don't want us to waste any more time."

"I don't want to waste time, either. I missed you," Kurt reached to brush his thumb over Blaine's jaw lovingly.

"I love you," Blaine said then, and he saw the surprise in Kurt's face. "I should have told you, when you first told me. I loved you then and I love you now, and if we maybe stop getting things wrong, I'll love you for as long as you'll have me."

Kurt surged forward and kissed him, like he couldn't stop himself. Blaine gave himself entirely to it – he could feel the effect of Kurt's lips all over his body, from his toes to the roots of his hair. Everything in him was becoming alive.

"How does forever sound?" Kurt asked jokingly.

But Blaine was serious when he replied: "That sounds perfect."

Kurt practically whined in relief into the next kiss, throwing his arms around Blaine's neck to pull him closer, until there was nothing between them.

How had they gone through the past year without this? It seemed crazy to think that they had almost missed out on being together, on getting everything they wanted.

But right now, as they held each other as tightly as they possibly could, the past became the past, and all that mattered, all that truly mattered, was the road ahead, and the future they could build together.

They sealed it with another kiss – there was a year worth of kisses they had to make up for, after all.


It's been a difficult year
I just wish we'd been together to face it


Hope this chapter made it up for some of the heartbreak I put these two (and all of you!) through during this story.

See you next week!

L.-