I'm so sad this is struggling to take off, I grew so fond of this project over the months of writing...

Tina: I think he made the right choice in the show by leaving, especially because Gillian seemed to be very much on the defensive already. I always wondered about that pause he took and why

Now, this is Blinded and yes, it's a stay


"Welcome to the Lightman Group."

He said that as a throwaway line but with a grin on his face as he walked away, intentionally going for a scenic exit while making sure to leave Reynolds no room to reply. Honestly yeah, Cal thought the agent should have been flattered to know how impressed he had been by his quick analysis of the houses on the list, narrowing down the options from 20 to 1 in mere seconds, and how pleased by his ability to look past whatever initial scepticism he might have had towards him and the group. Sure, it would have been easier if Cal had actually voiced any of that out loud with him directly but he was confident Reynolds was sharp enough to read between the lines.

His exit went from scenic to lame after a couple of corners, mostly because he really needed to use the restroom after hours of non-stop work. Cal walked along the empty corridors, honestly glad to see that everybody had gone home after the tough case and all its ramifications. Once he was done with his business, instead of leaving or going back to his office he stopped by the lab. The room was empty and silent, safe for the soft hum of the servers and equipment, then he briskly made it to the dashboard and sat down, manoeuvring with the controls to bring up to the screen some of the recordings about Jenkins. It wasn't random, his selection was precisely curated and driven by a very specific motivation.

Find what he had done wrong.

Oh yes, he had started putting his plan in motion the second he had seen Jenkins puff up his chest, seeing two moves ahead and following the path…but that didn't mean that everything had gone accordingly. He had not expected Torres to play such a big role, he had been lucky there and had pushed hard on that, but whatever advantage her reaction had brought had been nearly entirely erased by the attack on Gillian. Cal had not seen that coming, he had been too convinced that a narcissist like Jenkins would breed another one in a blatant way, that he'd get some kind of kick out of having his correspondence with the copycat right under the prison's nose maybe through some coded messages, and he had not considered the involvement of a third party.

Those were the most obvious mistakes he could think of, the ones that had almost cost the ultimate price, but there was more to dig up. Unbeknownst to others, he had developed the habit of going through some of his work, bigger and more complicated cases mostly, actively trying to identify any mistake or faux-pas or miscalculations on his part. He found it a useful exercise, everybody could learn from their mistakes…he wasn't exactly keeping it a secret, but then again he always paid attention to do it when he was home or alone, when he knew nobody would catch him in the act.

But what mattered in the end to him was the result, being able to criticise himself and improve for the next time. That was what it was all about, right? And in that case, Cal found, aside from not anticipating Jenkins' ability to communicate with the copycat while in the cube there was very little he could have done better. It wasn't precisely a consolation, not as he thought about Gillian clinging to him with terrified desperation and screaming out her fear, but he sure as hell had learned something from it: the next time he'd square off with a psycho he'd make sure to be the sole focus of their 'attention'.

Eventually, Cal decided that he'd had enough of himself and most importantly of Jenkins. He switched everything off and started looking for his phone to see what time it was but a quick search came up with nothing. Cal huffed and smirked, then walked back to his office where he got his device and switched off the lights before heading out again. He stepped in the corridor, ready to turn left and head home, when he caught something on his right with the corner of his eyes. He turned his head in that direction and saw a thin line of light projecting on the floor coming from Gillian's office, tilting his head and wondering if it was a sign of her presence or just forgetfulness.

But Gillian wasn't a forgetful person, not even with something as little as switching off the lights to save a few bucks, so he changed his direction and started walking towards her office. He approached slowly, a subtle sense of unease growing inside him as he found himself putting things together. Not only she had been assaulted and wounded, probably traumatised however briefly; even if she hadn't done so while being dragged on the asphalt, kicking and screaming, Cal was positive that later, with Jenkins back where he belonged and the copycat in a similar place, she might have been hit with the realisation of exactly, step by step, what would have happened to her if someone hadn't come to rescue her.

With that in mind, it wasn't surprising that he would find her there. Like him, Gillian had probably some thinking of her own to do before heading home but as he watched her discreetly through the glass door Cal thought there might be more to it. She was sitting on the couch, nearly in the dark if not for the lamp on her desk switched on, a folder open on her lap which she was trying to browse goofily with the right arm in the swing. On the surface she looked ok, mentally busy with something of value, but Cal knew better. He could see the small twitches of pain of her mouth when she made the wrong type of movement, her left hand going to absently touch the big bruise on the side of her face every now and then, not to mention how she seemed to be ready to jump at every little noise.

Cal bit at his bottom lip, briefly wondering what was the best play in that situation, but then quickly realised there was only one option in that scenario. He sighed and thought of what expression would have been better to display, then took a couple of steps forward and knocked gently. It was disheartening to see how she reacted to the familiar sound, nearly jumping on the couch and looking in his direction as if she was scared to find a ghost waiting for her.

She was quick in composing herself, too good to let anybody less trained than him to catch the truth on her face, but Cal still felt less than good when he stepped inside. And, he realised as he stood there, without much of a plan.

"Catching up on paperwork?" He lamely asked, nodding at the folder in her hands, mostly because he had to say something.

"It's the proposal for the Warren case," Gillian promptly responded as if she had prepared the answer. "I just wanted to go through some of the details before the meeting tomorrow."

Cal nodded, although at that very moment he was drawing a blank about the aforementioned case, thinking perhaps he should have been the one taking care of that and giving her the opportunity to take a day off. But of course that wasn't the problem, not the reason why she was still there; of course, she couldn't tell him that she was afraid, possibly terrified to go home. Hell, the way she looked paired with what she had been through, Cal wouldn't have been surprised if she felt unable to even leave the room.

He bit at his lip knowing he wasn't going to call her out on that, but he couldn't outright ignore it: he had already made the mistake not to think about the consequences of his actions on her once that day, he wasn't going to do it again.

"Alec picking you up?"

He asked knowing it was a touchy thing to bring up but not seeing many ways around it. What were the options after all? Asking her if she needed a drive would have been silly, she obviously could not drive. Sure, she could have called a taxi but she clearly would have already if it was that simple. He could ask her if she wanted to grab a bite, mask things up a bit and give her more time before having to go home, but that would have been only a short term solution. He didn't want to put her on the spot, but he also wanted to be able to help her and if in that case it meant forcing her hand a little for a greater good he was willing to take the risk.

Then Gillian lowered her eyes for a moment at his question, answering without a word, and Cal was even more convinced that he had to take action.

"I'm heading out now, I can give you a lift."

He could see the hesitation still lingering on her face for a moment, but eventually she nodded and stood up. Gilian had probably realised that the discrete offer was the best she could hope for, without intrusive questions and solicitations, and that no matter how she felt eventually she did have to go home.

Cal waited patiently as she went through those thoughts, standing up and gathering her things slowly as she kept mulling over it, but eventually she was ready to go. He found it easy to make small talk on the way out and during the drive, he told her about his conversation with the FBI and the new addition to the group and was glad to see that she didn't seem to read any particular connection between having a hired gun on board and her aggression. Interestingly, she seemed more happy to have someone to watch his back more than anything else.

Cal still had conflicted feelings about the situation, but when they arrived at her house it took him only one look at the dark and seemingly empty building to decide on his next move. He already knew he wasn't going to let her walk the short dark driveway on her own, but then he also knew he was going to get her inside and properly settle before deciding on anything else. When he stopped the car and got out, seeing how Gillian hesitated to do the same, Cal felt immediately justified and quickly walked around the car to stand by the passenger side. With his guarding presence in place Gillian eventually got out, smiling shyly at his silent reassurance and walking just an inch ahead of him on the way to the door.

She didn't ask if he wanted to come in and didn't invite him, but when Cal stepped inside behind her there was no sign of protest on her part. Instead, she just mumbled something about going to get changed and that he should make himself comfortable before disappearing in the bedroom. Cal was itching to ask if she needed any help, it must have been hard to manoeuvre clothing and garments with that trapped arm, but he opted to just keep his mouth shut and do as told. Part of him wanted to talk about food, make sure that she hadn't forgotten dinner and would look after herself properly, but with the way things were going he had to be happy to just be there. She could take care of herself, he had no doubts about that, and soon she would start to realise that she was safe and there was no longer a threat; for the time being she just needed a friendly presence able to comfort her without openly confronting her about the way she felt.

Which made him suddenly and explosively enraged with Alec.

Since she had told him about the drugs problem he had kept a low profile, not asking questions or updates and avoiding Alec whenever he came around the office precisely for the reason that he wasn't sure he could control himself around him. Of course he understood the magnitude of his problems, and that in a way perhaps it was a good thing that he wasn't around Gillian at a moment like that. But she was his wife and she had been through something horrible, she was hurt and scared and he should have been there, not him, looking after her and making sure she ate and took her medication and could sleep without being haunted by nightmares.

Instead she had him, who knew exactly what to say and do and wasn't gonna because he didn't want to put her on the spot. So Cal grumbled to himself, going to pour a couple of glasses of wine as he waited.

Gillian eventually came back, wearing a cardigan on her shoulders and a pair of jeans, eyeing the wine eagerly as she approached. Cal pushed the glass towards her and watched as she picked it up, realising as she downed it nearly entirely that the Mexican standoff was not going to work for him. He understood her fear, he hugely respected the fact that despite that she had come back to work straight from the hospital to close the case and perhaps her own personal nightmare, but she didn't have to do that anymore: if there was a time to finally let it all go it was then and there, with him in her kitchen where nobody else would have seen it.

But she didn't, she just drank the rest of the wine and poured a little more as she tried to build up a harmless conversation about the upcoming Warren meeting as if that could distract him from the blocked arm and the bruises on her face.

And he wasn't ok with that.

"Where's Alec?" He heard himself ask, almost without warning. "Did you even call him?"

Cal hated himself, but he was trying to help her and he needed to have the full picture. When leaving the office he had thought there was a chance that Alec would have been home but that hadn't been the case, and now he needed to know if he was supposed to wait for her husband to come home so that she wouldn't be alone or else.

When Gillian looked down at the glass in her hand at his questions, silently answering 'I don't know' and 'No', Cal felt something he had not expected. He was enraged, at Alec for being so screwed up that he couldn't even be there for his wife just like he had not been when they had lost Sophie, and at Gillian herself for not even trying to stand up for herself after what had happened to her.

But he wasn't going to bash on her addict husband and he certainly wasn't going to push too far with a dear friend who was hurting right in front of him and on so many levels. So he nodded as if he agreed with her lack of action, then asked if she was hungry and jumped to offer to order some food before she answered. Cal knew he couldn't force her to deal with all of it, after all she was well adjusted enough to know she was in therapeutic denial, but might as well do his part to get some food into her and ease things on the surface while she dealt with the rest internally.

They ordered pizza, sharing it straight from the box while sitting on the couch and talking about the Warren case as if it was the most important one of their career. Every now and then Gillian fidgeted with the swing and smirked for the sore spots all over her body but of course she didn't make a peep about it, and eventually the fatigue of the day started to get to her. It was a moment that Cal dreaded, not sure what he was supposed to do. Should he encourage her to go to sleep and then he would wait for Alec to get home before leaving? Should he tell her that was his plan, or rather ask him what she preferred?

As he was still navigating his options, absorbed as he was in his own thoughts, Cal didn't realise that in the meantime she had fallen asleep. It didn't make things much better for him, but at least it got him out of having to talk about it.

Careful not to wake her up, Cal got up and gently put a blanket over her then went to the kitchen to get rid of the remains of the meek dinner. He kept his eyes on her as he pulled out his phone, his finger lingering on the call button after he had selected Alec's number from his contact list. Cal didn't know where he was but he felt like he had to take a gamble, hoping that with Gillian knowing about his problem he was actually trying to sort himself out and that maybe he was at some meeting and not doing lines somewhere.

He felt like he had no choice, or better yet he had some and none of them was good. He could have just waited, grabbed a book and sat down and waited either for Alec to arrive or for Gillian to wake up. He could have left, write a note and go just to make sure she knew, or he could have woken her up and suggest she'd move to the bed, but then he'd put both of them in the awkward situation of talking about it.

The other option, the one he decided to go for in the end, was to roll the dice and call Alec. He was whispering when he picked up the phone, Cal could hear him moving and some woman introducing herself as a drug addict to a group or people in the background. Meeting it is, good for you mate, he thought with a touch of relief; one because he was honestly relieved that the man was trying to fix his problems and two because it meant his quest had just gotten a lot easier. It wasn't up to him and Gillian would have probably resented him for it for a bit, but he briefly explained to Alec what had happened and asked if he could come home. To his credit, Alec wasted no time in saying that he was on his way and thanked him for the call, and when he hung up Cal looked over at Gillian to find her still deeply asleep on the couch.

It wasn't ideal but it was something, and that mere consolation was all he could convince himself of while he waited for Alec to come and relieve him from his duties.


The next one is going to be from "Sacrifice": what do you think, stay or go?