Zuko remembers few things about his childhood, and his therapist tells him that's a common reaction to trauma.
He remembers the day Azula was born— namely, the moment when Ursa had set Zuko on her lap, then the little bundle of Azula into his palms.
She's been crying, absolutely wailing in the way she had since she'd taken her first breath— and against all odds, she'd stopped when she'd seen identical eyes looking into hers.
"That's Azula," Ursa had whispered into his ear before the fire, stroking the raven hair away from his eyes in a calming motion. "Can you say Azula, darling?"
He could not. Instead, with a flicker of determination burning hot in his stomach, he'd managed to narrowly avoid the lisp his father had backhanded him for, "Zula."
She'd gurgled— not quite a laugh or even a grin, instead, she'd made a cooing nose like the stray cats that roam their family's garden.
He decided then, that he would protect her.
ii.
Zuko had never been a prodigy like Azula— but there were things he'd begun to take pride in over the years.
Even the years marred by his father, the ones that become only memories, where he's soaked in in his mother's laugh and can feel the warm sun on his skin— the ones his mind had blocked as a response to his pain.
It took him years to realise that liking something and being good at something didn't necessarily equate— that he didn't have to be good at something to enjoy the process of it.
It's something that took him years to learn— years to drown out the voice that sounded suspiciously like his father tell him that talent and passion do not have to be one and the same.
He's allowed to paint, and dance— and he's allowed to bake the worst cookies know to man because he cannot cook for shit.
He's seventeen when he realises that he's also allowed to enjoy reading— that it isn't a waste of time. Seventeen when he realises that he feels closer to his mom with each landscape that his mind plays for him.
Because Zuko's life, and the things that have happened to him— they're confusing and complex and they hurt and twist and scratch and somehow he's always drawn back to the small things that surround him.
He talks about his favourite classical books with Katara, and together they tear apart the allusions and metaphors piece by piece— they apply the meaning to modern life and topple the foundations of old principles. The rejection the notions of hatred— of the western eurocentrism, of the racism, of the xenophobia, or the sexism, of the homophobia— of the stereotypes that the authors create.
He reads to Toph while Suki paints the scenes on canvas— in paint that's so textured she can feel the scenery with her fingertips.
And together, she and Zuko admire the way the scenes look, when they're removed from the visions Suki has created based on the words echoed between beats of silence.
With Aang, he learns how to breath through religious study— and while he never fully believes in the Spirits and Gods in the way he did before the fire— he learns that maybe hope does truly hide in the human soul.
With Sokka, he learns that healing can only come from within— that he doesn't need to force optimism about the future.
There's a sobering moment that happens on his sixteenth birthday. He's having a panic attack in the hard tile floor of a unisex bathroom, and Ty Lee is the one to breach the unlocked door. The rest of his friends standing outside for support.
He can't breathe and his brain is absolute mush— but Ty Lee is there and she's guiding him through the stupid breathing patterns
When he can form a coherent sentence, and manages to take small sips of water around his shaking hands— Ty Lee tells him, "you don't need to force the happiness for us. You don't need to be optimistic when you feel like breaking, Zuko. Even the most endless rays of sunshine leave deserts in their wake."
"You sound like my uncle," he muttered, teeth still chattering as he'd scrubbed at his eyes with a sloppy hand. "Please don't ask me to play pai sho and drink tea with you now."
There's no deadlines for healing, and it's not something he needs to be instinctively good at.
So when Sokka shakes him awake in the middle of their movie, eyebrows pulled together in a frown— Zuko doesn't know how to interpret it.
"There's a girl here— and she said she's looking for you. Is there something you want to tell us about?" Something accusatory weighs heavily in Sokka's words, but he doesn't say anything about it.
"What d'you mean?" His words slur, sleepy muddling his voice as he glances around. Everyone is staring at him— except Ty Lee, who is very conveniently missing. "What girl?"
"She wouldn't tell us." Sokka states suddenly, unable to meet Zuko's eyes when he mutters, "she's in that picture that you hide behind your driver's license though. The one with you and your uncle."
Zuko is eighteen when he learns that some things never change, and that fears never really seem to go away.
He hauls himself to his feet, shoving a hand through his hair in a desperate attempt to fix the mess his nap has made of it.
He sees her in the hallway— her hair is down, and her eyes hold a softness he's never seen before. If he didn't know better— if he didn't know her any better, he'd call it guilt.
"Azula." His voice is stiff, and she looks as uncomfortable as he does. "How did you find me?"
She looks so much like their mom— his resolve nearly crumbles. But he knows her, and he's not sure that five years could change her in the way that he needs them to.
The bag drops from her shoulder, and before he can think to block any attack, she's holding him.
She's holding him, and his heart is tight in his chest, and nothing feels real. It's a dream, he thinks, he'll wake up like he always does.
He feels his friends eyes on him— he feels his only sibling's face buried in his shoulder as he body shakes and suddenly it doesn't feel like a dream. It feels all too real.
And Azula always lies. The sixteen year old draped around him— always lies.
"What are you doing?" He chokes, hot pain pressing at the back of his eyes and further fraying the burn on the leftmost side of his face. "Why are you here?"
"I didn't know," she croaks back, squeezing him with the strength oh a komodo rhino, all while feeling infinitesimal. "Zuko, he— I didn't know."
The stars align, and Zuko's world combusts— and despite the chaos in wake of the siblings discoveries, Zuko bridges the gap and wraps his arms around her.
iii.
Zuko admittedly remembers very little aboutthe days before they stopped being siblings— a rivalry not completely opposite to Ako Vendetta— but sometimes, they hit him like wildfire. And he is always left wondering if he's meant to stop drop and roll to avoid getting burned again.
Sometimes the memories are sweet and warm, like the taste of honey and tea on a cool winters day— and sometimes they're bitter, like broken glass and shattered dreams and Zuko is left wishing he'd never been born at all.
On those days, he reminds himself that Azula was born lucky— and that he was lucky to have been born at all.
It comes in snippets— and he is seldom prepared for the days when Azula would help he toss stolen peas into the turtle duck pond at the end of the property, the days before their parents moulded them into things they were not.
He loves his mother, but he'd have to be more blind than Toph to ignore the impact she'd had on forming Azula's broken and battered psyche.
If Zuko had been burned, Azula had been thrown into the fire. Their mother called her a monster, and their father pitted them against each other. They were made to hate each other in such a deep capacity that some days it's impossible to remembers the nights Azula would crawl into his bed to try and fill the void that their mother's bedtime stories had left.
The house they'd moved into after Ozai inherited their grandfathers company had felt so much more empty and lifeless than the the one bedroom apartment they'd once shared. Their parents fought in the kitchen, hateful declarations spewing through the vents and in the aftermath their mother's car tires screeching out of the driveway.
Father told them the next morning that she'd been in an accident— but Zuko never really believed it was an accident anyway.
When he thinks of sword training, he thinks of the night that their father had grabbed Azula by the arm, hauled her to the mat and told her that if she didn't win, there'd be consequences.
The night he was burned— he remembers the face of his fathers friends, with little regard for the well being of a thirteen year old boy— the kitchen stove his newest companion, suffering his old best friend, and waking up with a fever on his uncle's doorstep.
He doesn't remember much of Azula— he doesn't remember his own name for weeks. When he can balance, soon walk, and eventually learns how to cope with his sudden lack of depth perception he remembers his sister.
And for a long time he hates her for something she couldn't control.
iv.
With a cup of tea in her hands, she tells Zuko that with the right strings pulled she'd found Iroh— she tells him (and the rest of the room who drop in without asking permission)
Her hands shake— and her cheeks are hallow, eyes sunken and drained of whatever light the completion spurred to life within her.
His spark had long since faded, and it seemed,Ozai had finally taken hers too.
"I don't understand," Zuko licks his lips, aureus irises focused on the hardwood beneath his socked feet. "Why are you here?
"I didn't know." She repeats, and suddenly he's scared that she's become a broken record as he had after his father had torched half of his face. "I didn't know that he burned you. He told me— it was another game for him."
Everything in him screams that Azula always lies, that this is a game to her and she's going to be the winner. That she's going to let Ozai claw his way between them, expanding the space that the years and memories have left in the middle of their, long since, frayed relationship.
"I don't understand."
And he doesn't. Ozai would use this to enforce obedience— Azula isn't him.
"He told me you'd left me." She utters simply, eyes staring into the tea in her lap. "He knew that would be what broke me. He knew that you were the only person I loved. He knew that I'd think him staying meant he loved me."
Theres horror in his friends eyes, and belatedly Zuko realises that all of this must be new information to them.
"I know I'm a monster." She eases off the gas, and somehow, it's harder for Zuko to believe. "I was at school a few years after, and the headlines about you started to break. About the brother and son who had become estranged, the ones suing father for burning his face— and I left."
"What?"
"I left." She repeats quietly. "Mai's cousin had just turned eighteen, and was leasing an apartment from school— so I left. I stayed there, and I talked to uncle and we got a therapist and I'm trying to be better."
She must see the hesitation in his eyes when amber meets gold, because she closes her eyes and drops her head once more.
"I didn't believe it at first— I let him convince me that you were trying to get under my skin from wherever you were." She sinks into the couch, in a way that is so painfully unlike the ridged girl he once knew.
Maybe, he thinks, she has changed. No longer is her hair tied in a severe bun, and no longer do her eyes carry the pristine look they once did.
She looks as tired as he feels. She looks human— and that's a look Zuko's never really seen on her.
Her eyebrows come together, chipped nail polish coated fingertips tracing the rim of the mug in her heads, "I didn't want to believe it. Mai called Ty Lee though— and it turned out to be true. I've hurt a lot of people. I know that now. I knew it then too— but I'm trying to learn how to care for more than myself."
Zuko sucks in a deep breath, letting it leave his lungs in the form of a long sigh. "Azula—"
"You once told me that the day I was born you wanted to protect me." He doesn't know where she's going with this— he's not sure he wants to know.
For a moment he thinks, there's the old Azula— she'll manipulate you until she controls the string without moving them herself. She wants him to destroy himself.
But then she continues, and something in Zuko breaks in an inexplicable way. "How come you never let anyone protect you?"
It's a question Zuko wouldn't have been able to answer a few years ago— but now, his lips curl into a dry smile and he whispers back: "I guess were both learning to be better in different ways."
v.
"Are we going to unpack the burn comment?" Sokka asks, hand pushing through his hair as Zuko sits on the floor by Azula's sleeping head. "Or are supposed to let that one ruminate until you're more comfortable sharing?"
Zuko shrugs distantly, eyes focused on a chip in the coffee table as the room stares at him. Suddenly, it's as if the apartment's oxygen is depleting, and he's the only one who can fix it.
"I don't— there's not much to talk about," he says, voice stilted as if he's had to answer this question before. "It's just apart of me, I guess."
Belatedly, they realise that Zuko's father had gone to trail— and— maybe he had gone through this before. "I disrespected him, and he held my face to a kitchen burner. I was in the hospital for a month, and I had to learn... everything all over again."
He swallows thickly, eyebrows coming together, "you deserve a better answer than that— but the last time I tried to talk about it I fainted after I got off of the witness stand and the time before that I had a panic attack so bad that I had to take a full Xanax tablet."
It's like a dam— and he's cracked the foundation. Guilt spills over his lips and out to his friends, "I was mute for six months after it— I remember Uncle's face the first time I spoke again. The first thing I said was that it was my fault, and I thought that's why he couldn't look at me. He cried, and I thought I fucked everything up again. Zuko, the royal fuck up of the family."
He can't meet their eyes, he's too scared of what he'll see. It's easier to stare at the ground that he wishes would swallow him whole.
"I still have nightmares about it— and sometimes they're so bad at when we're at the dorm that I wake up Sokka with my screams. Even when I try not to." He scrubs at his knuckles, hot pain returning to the back of his eyes as he forces down the sob that threatens to claw its way out. "Sometimes I get flashbacks, and those aren't great either, but they don't happen as much anymore."
Sokka regrets asking him as the next thirty seconds of his best friends life unfold around them.
Because for the first time in years, Zuko— emotionally detached, 'I'm fine', doesn't need protecting Zuko— absolutely crumbles in front of their very eyes. And Gods, it hurts more than that time Sokka broke his leg in three places while skateboarding.
First comes the traitorous tears, melting scorching tear tracks down his cheeks— then, the sob that hits him like a train, wracking his entire body with a force that no teenager should ever have to feel.
"I should be past this— it's been five years. I need to get my shit together and move on."
There's a strangled, mirthless laugh attached— the type that bubbles into a sob and leaves him struggling not to trip over the ledge and into a chasm of self loathing.
But it takes one shared look between them to know that— no, he's never been more wrong.
"No." Sokka rasps, and the moment he pulls Zuko into his chest— he finally fully breaks. "You deserve to feel."
Katara and Toph find his free sides, Toph's service dogs Badger nuzzling against Zuko's legs and Aang and Suki disappearing to get him a glass of water.
Ivory fingers find their way into the navy blue fabric of Sokka's cotton hoodie, as bronze fingers comb through the hair at the nape of Zuko's neck.
Sokka's body moves with Zuko's muffled cries, and he has to screw his eyes shut to keep his own tears at bat as he rests his cheek against the crown of Zuko's head.
Azula is awake now— and if Katara is honest, she probably has been for a long time. Her eyes are damp, and her fists are clutching the the blanket wrapped around her.
Zuko can't help but think, that just as Chinua Achebe said:
Things Fall Apart.
But instead of palm wine and kola nuts, Zuko brings his father jail time and a shitty cell— and that's all he can really ask (for now).
vi.
Sokka is eighteen, and his best friend has successfully snotted all over his favourite blue hoodie— Sokka is eighteen, and he does not give a flying lemur fuck about his favourite blue hoodie.
Because on his chest, his best friend is more peaceful than he's been in the hours since his past has come back to haunt him— and from across the room, he can feel a twin pair of golden eyes focused on him.
"I'm sorry."
Sokka risks a glance a Zuko, whose chest still rises and falls as the sun rises and sets (he can hear Zuko whispering,soles occidere et redire possunt, Sokka).
Zuko's always been a bit of sunshine— even when he's at his worst. Vulnerability makes him human, and being human is what makes him so deeply lovable.
He allows his fingers to continue to curl against the base of Zuko's neck, echoes of his friends talking in the kitchen about everything that has happened throughout the last six hours, "what are you sorry for?"
Azula blinks, as if she wasn't expecting an elaboration— as if it were obvious. "Everything. This. Zuko."
"It's okay." Sokka responds, even thought it's really not. It's not okay that Zuko's just cried himself out and had to relive several years of trauma at once. "It's probably a good thing he cried. He never lets himself do that."
"You don't believe I've changed."
It's not a question, and Sokka thinks she might finally be onto something. Instead he answers, "I dunno. Seeing the good in people has always been Aang's job. I didn't even see the good in Zuko at first. He was a ball of fire— he ran hot and if you got too close you got burned. It took him having a panic attack during our first period class my sophomore to realise that he wasn't so bad."
Sokka shakes his head, "the little shit took five minutes to agree to take a sip from my water bottle after. Then I talked him into sitting with me in the nurses office, and the first real conversation I had with him was about not having a mom."
Sokka snorts quietly, glancing back down at Zuko, "he said I knew too much and that he would have to pass away from embarrassment. We've been friends since."
"Thank you for being there for him." There's something in her voice that Sokka can't place— something that dangles precariously between guilt and despair.
"He talked about you sometimes," Sokka mumbles, "I guess I just... he always called you Zula and never explained who you were. He does love you, but he's always been scared to love, y'know?"
"He's working on it. I am too."
"Yeah." Sokka agrees, and finally a gain smile curls onto his lips. "I'm proud of him."
She flashes what looks like an attempt at a smile— something small and awkward and painfully like the old Zuko would.
And that, Sokka decides, has gotta count for something.
M. M. M. M. M. M.
It was an unsettling experience when he finally had time to stop and think about how out of control he often felt when people walked in and out of their lives, they constantly shifted around and changed roles, some turned from friends to enemies while others from enemies to friends. Even lovers, he admitted almost shyly. When they were still staying at the Western Air Temple, he would often wake up in the middle of the night, turning around to come face to face with sleeping Zuko who joined them around the campfire shortly after their return from Boiling Rock. And after the war, he would wake up surrounded by Fire Nation red and for a moment, his heart would skip a beat until he would remember that they really won, and how he wrapped his arms around a very tired looking, injured Zuko and kissed him desperately after Katara told him about Zuko's sacrifice. Then he would look to his left and see that tired and still injured boy sleeping next to him on the huge bed and only then he could breathe again.
They were safe. They were in the Fire Nation and they were safe.
It was still crazy to think about.
Being in the Fire Nation opened the doors to all kinds of surprises and new discoveries. When Zuko was still their enemy and they were avoiding him like a plague, Sokka barely thought about Zuko. He was more of a caricature than a person to him. An evil spirit from Southern Tribe folktales. His biggest nightmare. Zuko was scary and he represented everything Sokka hated about the Fire Nation. He was the spawn of the evil Fire Lord, a spoiled brat who was chasing after the last hope of the world for his personal glory. Of course, Sokka figured out that Zuko was a person just like the rest of them and he had a complicated past once he started living with them. And even though Zuko never tried to make excuses for his wrongdoings and mistakes and worked hard to earn their trust, Sokka believed Zuko was a good guy deep inside, he was a decent person. He was sure, especially after the Boiling Rock. Yet, among his people, Zuko's people, he was struck by how wrong he was.
People openly discussing Zuko made Sokka realize for the first time that they never actually thought about Zuko as a person. His scar was always a part of him that didn't need any discussion and while Zuko clearly learned to live with it, it was still a sensitive subject and Sokka was so bad at those, unlike Katara. So, he accepted it as a part of Zuko and never questioned it.
The only time Sokka genuinely thought about it was when Toph asked about the angry jerkbender and Sokka had to explain to her he was the crazy prince of the Fire Nation with a silly phoenix tail and a burn scar.
"He has a scar?" Toph asked, Sokka didn't even know why she was interested in the prince, they didn't encounter him in a long time and he hoped they finally managed to ditch him.
"Yes." Aang answered simply and pointed at his face despite Toph's blindness. "It's on his face."
"Is it ugly?"
"It's not nice to say things like that, Toph." Katara frowned at all three of them from where she was cooking rice. She didn't like Zuko and if they faced again, she was going to kick his ass back to the Fire Nation. But it clearly still bothered her to talk about a possibly traumatic experience that way. She was never going to allow herself to be that person who found joy in others' sufferings, even if he was the enemy. Her face softened as she turned her eyes back to the rice. "But it's... bad. Probably hurt a lot."
"Well," Sokka laid back against the cool grass, "considering the kind of person that he is, he probably deserved it, can't blame the person who gave it to him."
"Sokka!" Katara turned her wide eyes at him.
"That's not nice, Sokka." Aang was looking down at him from the rock he was sitting on with a sad expression and for a moment he definitely looked like 112 years old grandpa who was disappointed in his grandson. "Zuko might be our enemy but he is still only 16. He is just one year older than you and that scar looks old. No matter who he is, it's still a terrible thing to do to a child."
"I didn't mean it like that!" Sokka sat up with a horrified expression. "I mean, you know how he is, he probably started a fight that's way over his head and got burnt. I didn't-- I am not cruel!"
He felt terrible for the rest of the day. He still hated Zuko but he didn't mean it like that. He wasn't a heartless person. Yes, there was a time he wanted to leave Zuko behind in Northern Water Tribe and hoped he would die there but... somehow that was different. Death was an ugly side of the war but there was nothing that could justify torture.
Later, when they were sleeping next to each other in the Air Temple, Zuko finally decided to open up to him.
"It was my father." He muttered, the campfire was dying down and Sokka could barely see his face. He frowned with confusion.
"What?" But Zuko didn't turn to his left to meet Sokka's eyes, he was looking up and avoiding the eye contact.
"The scar. My father gave it to me." Sokka straightened up, on his forearms, eyes wide open.
"Zuko..." Because what could he say? It was Katara's forte to find the right words to comfort people. It worked on Aang, it worked on Sokka, and damn, it even worked on Toph. Unfortunately, Sokka didn't share that specific gene with his sister. His hands were tightly gripping his sleeping bag because what the fuck?!
"Don't." Zuko's voice hardened. "I was stupid and he was cruel." He turned his face to the other side to avoid Sokka's gaze. "That's when I realized how powerless I was, I tried but failed to protect anyone." Blue-eyed boy could only see the side of his face from this angle. "He didn't even allow me to heal before shipping me away for being disrespectful." Sokka waited patiently as Zuko sighed deeply and turned to finally meet Sokka's eyes. "Everything is always all about honor and respect in the Fire Nation. Everything."
And then Sokka realized why Zuko was telling him this out of nowhere. Why he was opening up to him. Zuko wanted him to know that he was not, indeed, a selfish spoiled brat who was chasing the Avatar for his personal glory. It was never about them personally, he never meant to hurt them. Sokka couldn't say he understands Fire Nation's obsession with honor but he understood the respect part just fine. His warm hand wrapped around Zuko's pale arm as they looked into each other's eyes with deep understanding and respect for each other.
"You didn't deserve it." He whispered in the darkness as the campfire flickered one last time before dying down completely. Sokka was still watching Zuko's silhouette because it was important. Loser Lord probably filled his son's mind with all the terrible Fire Nation propaganda and everything. Sokka knew Zuko believed his father because he spent years running around, chasing his honor.
Zuko turned his head to meet Sokka's eyes again and even though he wasn't smiling he looked relieved and content and that was enough for Sokka.
"I know that now."
He still didn't like to talk about it though.
"I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, said all the wrong things." Once Zuko explained Toph halfheartedly when they were searching for Aang before the Sozin's Comet. Toph didn't even mean to ask Zuko about his scar, it was a random question that left her mouth the second she realized Zuko was way too stressed to take her to a real life-changing field trip. Maybe that stress came from the true realization where Zuko has finally felt the reality of the situation: he left his entire life behind and risked everything, including his life, to finally do the right thing and Aang, the Avatar who was supposed to defeat the Fire Lord, just disappeared on them. Zuko never really questioned the true consequences of his actions until that moment because he always had this faith in Aang, even when they were enemies, even when he was shouting about his destiny, deep down he always believed Aang was going to achieve his goal. His disappearing all of a sudden made him realize what would actually happen to him and his newfound friends if Ozai actually won this war.
Toph never encountered the angry ponytail jerkbender , she never witnessed Zuko at his worst. When he was fighting the hopeless whispers in his head, telling him he will never go back to home, that his father hated his weak son who kept disappointing him. Zuko who felt worthless, who wanted to scream and burn everything around him like a child throwing temper tantrums because he was desperate to get rid of those ugly feelings in his chest constantly clawing at his heart, making him bleed. Zuko who infected everyone around him with his dark aura and depressive moods. Zuko who would pick a fight with everyone because all he wanted to do was fight . Because that was all he's ever known. That was all he could do to bury that shame and humiliation that came with the knowledge of not being enough.
No, Toph has never met Zuko at his worst. Yet, she could imagine Zuko getting himself in a stupid situation, a fight where he was outnumbered and outclassed due to his stupid, big mouth. It was a very Zuko thing to do considering what she heard from others' 'Zuko stories' . For Toph, she always assumed that was the story.
For others, it was slightly different.
The scar was always there the day they met him. It was almost impossible to imagine him without his scar, it was a part of him and for the rest of the group, it almost felt like he never actually got it, like, he was born with it. It was never questioned. Sometimes out of respect but mostly because none of them looked at him and saw the scar at this point. It was Zuko, all Zuko. With all of his flaws, shortcomings, and wrongdoings. With his awkwardness, his surprising loyalty, and selflessness.
It was just Zuko.
They never questioned his scar just like they never questioned his banishment.
Except for Sokka who was told the story by Zuko himself.
Now that Sokka was really in the Fire Nation and interacting with people without worry, he was surprised to see that citizens didn't have a lot to say about Zuko yet they openly discussed the soon-to-become-their-Fire-Lord. They didn't know him, they knew of him. And while some of them pitied or had hope for him, other straight-up hated the young boy. Sokka struggled to understand why people would hate someone who brought peace to their nation.
"Are you here for the coronation?"
Katara was looking down at the fresh, mouth-watering exotic fruits on the stand with big blue eyes, a mesmered expression on her face as the older woman cut mango at a slow yet practiced pace. Master waterbender nodded without taking her eyes off the fruit. The middle-aged woman who had dark-colored eyes, unlike Zuko's or Azula's golden ones and dark hair smiled at Katara and her friends who were poking at each other and showing something different in the market that they didn't have time or luxury to appreciate fully and openly before. They have been refugees, running from one place to another and always hiding for so long. It felt so long ago since they enjoyed being in the open, full of people, like this. Without the fear of getting caught, without hiding Aang's tattoos. In Capital City of all places. Her face softened when her eyes traced their childish features.
"It's crazy to think about." Another woman, who looked like the one who was cutting the fruits, said as she carried newly delivered wooden crates, full of fresh vegetables and fruits. "I have never thought I would see any Water Tribe or Earth Kingdom people around here, let alone Avatar himself."
Katara looked at Aang with pride shining in her clear blue eyes as the young boy was struggling to describe Toph what a dragon fruit looked like. Sokka was standing next to Suki who was laughing at Aang's poor description.
"Yes." Katara mumbled. "It's nice."
The middle-aged woman offered Katara a slice of mango she was cutting. Blue-eyed girl took the fruit with a grateful smile.
"Honestly," the other woman continued while inspecting the cabbages in one of the wooden crates, "Who could have thought, the banished prince came back with the promise of world peace." This piqued Sokka's interest as he stepped forward next to Katara as she took a bite from the juicy fruit. He took the second piece thoughtfully.
"Are you happy with that?" He asked carefully, not wanting to show how curious he actually was. But they were all still on the edge with the amount of work that was waiting for Zuko. It was not going to be easy just because Aang kicked Ozai's ass. That's why a part of Sokka was so glad that Zuko decided to ditch his horrible family and joined them. Beating Ozai would never end the war, he was just one man no matter how powerful he was. It was either going to be Azula or warmongering generals who would take his place to enrichen themselves and push their agenda to keep the war going. They would need to conquer the Caldera and take control of the palace if it wasn't for Zuko's claim over the throne. But even with it, it was still dangerous: the peace was still hanging on by a hair, one wrong decision, one wrong move could throw all that happiness and hope away. Zuko needed to 'conquer' his own council and people, showing them the war wasn't the right way to share their greatness, that it was hurting not only other nations but also theirs. He needed to earn the respect and trust of other world leaders. So, it was important to know what those people, Fire Nation citizens, were thinking of their new Fire Lord.
"It is strange." The woman said as she reached for the dragon fruit Aang, and Toph, excitedly pointed at. "But it's good strange. I was never expecting that poor boy to return after what happened, I wouldn't. It must be terrible to be in that palace again."
Aang and Katara gave each other a questioning look before Aang politely asked the older woman.
"Excuse me but why would it be terrible? It's his home and he is the rightful heir to the throne." He almost sounded defensive. But Sokka didn't think like Aang, he was sure the woman didn't mean Zuko's struggle with his place in the Royal Family. But he was also curious. Growing up, he always imagined Fire Nation as a scary place, boiling water and fire everywhere, everything is dark, grimy, and evil. Yet, Fire Nation was beautiful, clean, and bright. Spending most of the last part of their journey in Fire Nation made him realize how little he knew about this place, this nation. And while Zuko was willing to answer all their questions about the history and culture, he shared very little about the Royal Family. It was all a big, scary mystery to her still.
"Oh, well..." Older woman looked uncomfortable for a moment, her hand stilling on the fruits she was cutting for the kids. "We don't really talk about it around here. It's not forbidden but... it's not something people like to mention. And most of us don't know the details. I heard what I know from a noblewoman whose husband was in the council when the prince was still young. She is a horrible gossip." She shook her head disapprovingly. "I heard the stories about his banishment."
"Oh." Aang frowned slightly. Like it was dawning on him the first time that Zuko was actually banished. It just felt strange to think about a time when Zuko wasn't chasing them, it was strange to imagine Zuko spending his days in the palace with Azula and Ozai .
"Everyone tells a different story because the former Fire Lord never made it public but those nobles have loose mouths. Most of us figured out the war meeting is the true story." She made a face before offering Toph a piece of dragon fruit. Katara quickly took it and placed it in Toph's waiting hand. The younger girl quickly ate the fruit in a way that made Katara grimace.
"The war meeting?" Of course, Sokka asked softly. A part of him felt guilty for listening to gossip about Zuko like he was betraying his boyfriend's trust. Zuko told him his father banished him for disrespecting him, that he challenged his son to Agni Kai and burnt him. But Sokka never dared to ask what kind of disrespect it was and Zuko never gave the details.
"Now, talking about 41 st division is not something that was encouraged in Fire Nation." She shrugged. "It's war and this is the cruel reality, I guess."
"What happened to them?" Sokka noticed how Suki's face hardened. She was a warrior and Sokka had a feeling she sensed something dreadful between the woman's words. The woman looked into Suki's eyes for a moment without saying anything. Then she sighed and turned her eyes away.
"They all died." Sokka almost felt her heart skip a beat. It was so strange. There was a time when he would be far away from Fire Nation and would actually celebrate the failure of a Fire Nation division. Now... now he was barely older yet he was wiser. He understood the war better and his heart shattered at the thought of all those lives slipping away because one man, one family, was power-hungry.
"That's terrible." Aang muttered.
"They say he tried to protect them." Other woman, who was busy with the wooden crates, finally turned to look at them. "The prince. Or new Fire Lord, you choose."
Aang smiled softly, Sokka recognized that look very well. Aang was proud to know that there was always goodness in Zuko, no matter how much Ozai tried to beat it out of him. He never truly hated the older boy, Sokka knew that. Later, when they were finally united after the defeat of Ozai , Sokka heard Aang telling Katara while she was healing the prince that it was destiny. Zuko was meant to be with them , he had to follow his path that led him to them . He was supposed to be Aang's teacher and friend. The new Fire Lord. It all made so much sense to Aang in a way that Sokka couldn't understand without his spiritual connection. But Aang was certain and it brought a strange peace to him. Even when they were enemies, Aang couldn't truly hate Zuko. He always seemed so desperate to the young Avatar.
"Of course." He said . "Even when he claimed he didn't care, he actually did."
"That must hurt him a lot." Katara added softly. "To lose all those soldiers under his command."
"Oh, they weren't under his command." The older woman interrupted her with a grim expression. "Unlike the princess who took charge of a battalion at 13, it was the young prince's first war meeting and he wasn't even supposed to be there. Or so I heard." She shrugged. "It was another General but we never got the name. It would make him look really bad in public eyes."
"So," Sokka frowned at the woman, putting together the puzzle pieces of an old story as a display of his intelligence, "he got banished because he tried to protect a division from the general who was in charge of them yet failed?"
"I am not sure." The woman answered carefully. "All I know that he spoke against that plan and everyone in the room was so mad at him. You should have seen how that noblewoman talked about him." She shook her head angrily. "He wasn't just banished. He was challenged to an Agni Kai for the disrespect he showed."
"Agni Kai?" Aang's face fell. The woman raised an eyebrow at him, seeing he understood what it meant.
"Honor and respect are very important in Fire Nation, especially among the nobles and royals. What were you expecting?"
"Wasn't he too young for this?" Aang tried to argue.
"There is no 'being too young' for royals. They are never seen as children. They are trained to be leaders and great warriors from a young age, the title and privileges come with responsibility."
"If he's banished... that means he lost the duel." Aang nodded at her. She looked uncomfortable again.
"They say he didn't fight." she mumbled softly. "I don't know if they try to make him look bad, dishonorable or not. Maybe it's just a baseless rumor but all the stories say he didn't fight the Agni Kai. That he begged and pleaded like a coward."
"Zuko? Begging like a coward? Against an old general?" Sokka grinned. "No way. That guy tried to throw hands with the Avatar. He tried to fight in the middle of a blizzard at night in the North Pole. He doesn't know when to quit."
"Not the general." She looked into Sokka's eyes with a hardened expression. "He begged to the Fire Lord."
" Ozai ?" Toph hissed. "That smelly crusty old man?!"
"Well, actually Ozai is pretty young and ha—" Aang stopped himself with an apologizing grin.
"Yes. I never understood the nobles." The woman answered. "They all talked about the most powerful man in the world making his own 13 years old son beg and cry in front of everyone before burning him like it was something funny."
"Burning him?!"
"13 years old?!"
Sokka tried to look as surprised as others, they knew Zuko and Sokka shared a special bond yet he didn't want them to know Zuko told this story to him before. Partially. The woman looked at them almost amusedly.
"Didn't the Avatar fight alongside him? That scar is hard to miss." She waved her knife questioningly.
"That scar... is from..." Sokka's stomach clenched painfully as he watched Katara's eyes widen with realization. He should have stopped this instead of letting his curiosity took over. This woman told the most traumatic experience in Zuko's life like another story and took Zuko's right to tell his own story away from him. They all looked shaken, after all, they were still kids and while the war was painful and unfair, personal acts of violence against individuals always stood out. And the most powerful man in the world using that power to abuse and hurt a helpless child in front of so many people was something that sounded like a bad horror tale.
"Yes. The new Fire Lord knows firsthand what it means to get burnt." She looked down at the knife in her hand with a hardened expression. Aang opened his mouth to ask her another question when an old man interrupted them. He had long silver hair with a crooked nose and muddy eyes. There was an ugly expression on his face when his eyes met their colorful outfits. Sokka's blue eyes met with the older man's with a frown.
"Still telling that old story, Shian?"
"Oh, shut up, Wu." She waved her knife at him. "You are just a grumpy old man."
"At least I am not pitying a traitor who betrayed his own nation." He huffed annoyedly. "He was supposed to lead us but he turned his back to us. How can you expect me to trust a spineless child who betrayed his own nation and father?"
"Spineless?" Sokka hissed annoyedly. Katara wrapped a calming hand around his bicep. Maybe it was stupid to be annoyed at this particular word among all the insults this man was throwing at Zuko but it pissed off the warrior in him. Zuko struggled and fought his entire life, he did the scariest thing Sokka could imagine; he faced his homicidal father and told him he was leaving his nation to join the Avatar. Zuko left everything behind, was declared a traitor, had nowhere to go in a world where every nation hated him for a different reason. Zuko was many things but he wasn't spineless. He was a fighter, someone who never gave up.
"Do you even know why he was banished?" Katara raised an eyebrow at the old man, almost challenging him.
"Not you Water Tribe folks telling me the old Agni Kai story." He grinned at them. Katara's frown deepened at his mocking tone. "I don't care what he was trying to do, he was a spineless child who couldn't stand behind his words and fight like a true prince."
"He was 13 you fu—" Katara's hand tightened around his bicep.
"We need a strong leader who can actually lead this country, not a boy soldier coming home as a puppet king who bends to Avatar's every desire." Aang's eyes widened with anger. He opened his mouth to answer but Sokka freed his arm from Katara's grip and stepped forward.
"You don't even know what he's been through! He still came back to this terrible place where he was abused for years because he loves his nation. You ungrateful asshole!" He pointed his forefinger at the older man's surprised face. "You don't know anything, you are happy here, good, do you know what other parts of Fire Nation were going through during the war? Do you know how they suffered, too? You and Ozai might not care but he does."
"Are you going to lecture me about my own country, Water Tribe?" But Sokka didn't take the bait.
"You think you are better than my people because you are richer and more advanced? At least we are not heartless!" He turned his eyes to the two women who were chatting about Zuko just minutes ago. "Did no one ever ask what could a 13 years old kid possibly do to earn a lifelong mental and physical scar and banishment?"
"We--" The younger one stuttered but Sokka shook his head at them angrily.
"It's just a gossip to you." He took a step back. "Have a nice day."
He didn't turn around when Katara called his name.
He just walked.
"Those women weren't actually mean. We were the ones who questioned them." Katara told him as she sat next to him on the bench. Sokka avoided meeting her eyes, looking down at his feet. He was ashamed of the way he acted but he has always been protective of Katara and then Aang and Toph. Zuko was no different. Hearing people talk about him that way after everything he sacrificed... it hurt.
"I know." He mumbled softly. "I am sorry."
"It's okay." Katara placed a warm hand on his arm.
"I just—" He took a deep breath to calm down. "It pisses me off so much to know what he did to him and then he put the blame on him. He called Zuko a disgrace... worthless. And no one here, not a single person, ever asked why. No one cared. He spoke out to protect people, he was a damn kid and he dared to do that yet no one cared about him. No one spoke and it makes me so damn angry because everyone sees him as a spoiled brat, usurper, or as traitor but no one sees him as a victim. A kid! How can they see that scar and not think he is the victim?" He blinked ashamedly, feeling warm unshed tears filling his eyes. "But do you know what really pisses me off?" Katara was listening to him patiently, blue eyes warm as the sea in Ember Island. "No one other than Iroh saw him as the victim, no one cared about him. No one thought he was worth saving." He couldn't hold his tears anymore, they rolled down his cheeks silently. "He spent 3 years blaming himself, hating himself, and chasing for redemption." He finally turned to look at Katara whose eyes were filled with tears, too. He whispered: "That's not fair."
Katara's hand on his arm tightened.
"I know."
"That bastard is just chilling down there after everything he's done to him and to us."
"I know, Sokka."
He wrapped his arms around his sister and pulled her against his chest. She hugged him back as they sat there silently.
At least they were safe.
They won.
They had time to heal.
Zuko cut his conversation with one of the ministers short as soon as his eyes landed on his friends, giving them a small smile as he nodded to the minister and walked toward them.
"Hi!" Katara was holding a basket full of fresh fruits. They all gave him a soft smile. "Sorry, I would like to stay with you guys but I have another meeting now but I will see you at dinner, okay?"
"Okay." Katara said softly, her eyes never leaving Zuko's as she lifted the basked. "We got you fresh fruit."
"Oh." He looked down at the mangos and kiwis. "Thank you! Though... if you wanted fruit, you could ask the palace staff."
"We wanted to explore the city." Aang said quickly. Sokka nodded.
"Yeah! It was hard to appreciate everything while we were constantly worried about someone recognizing us."
"Well, I hope you liked the city." Zuko reached forward and took one of the mangos. "And thanks for the fruits."
"No problem." Sokka grinned at the new Fire Lord.
"We saw them and thought of you." Zuko grinned at Toph's overused joke. He was about to apologize again for not being able to stay with them when Katara dropped the basket on the floor and took a step forward, her arms wrapping around Zuko's thick robes. He blinked confusedly and others quickly followed her and hugged him.
"Umm..."
"Good luck with your meeting your Fireness ." Katara mumbled as she buried her face in his soft robes.
"Thank you?" He wrapped his arms around his friends as best as could and smiled down at Aang questioningly. Young Avatar only gave him a warm smile and shrugged. Once they let go of him, he took a step back and waved at them awkwardly which reminded Sokka of the first time he tried to join them at Western Air Temple.
"Hey, Zuko." Aang hesitated before calling for his friend. But Zuko didn't hesitate for a moment as he stopped and looked at Aang over his shoulder. Young Avatar's eyes were filled with too many emotions but the most dominant ones were warmth and love. "You are making this world a better place, don't forget."
Zuko's tired expression was replaced with shock at first then, then a grateful and very vulnerable look overtook his features as he smiled and nodded at his friend.
"Thank you."
As Sokka stepped forward to accompany his boyfriend to his next meeting, Zuko took a bite from his mango and gave Sokka a suspicious look.
"What's going on?" Sokka shrugged, stopping in front of the huge doors of the meeting room.
"Nothing. We just love you." He smiled at Zuko sheepishly. "I love you."
Zuko's playful expression softened as he reached forward to wrap his fingers around the back of Sokka's neck and pulled blue-eyed boy against him.
"I love you, too."
His lips tasted like mango.
