"Sir?" She kneels on the tatami mats of his residence and bows out of respect.
"Kanroji, I've been hearing concerns about your mental wellbeing."
"It's nothing, Master. it's... nothing."
She was afraid of this...
"You know you can always talk to me, Mitsuri. Have you tried reaching out to your peers?" The Master's empathetic response left her feeling vulnerable. He always had a way of eliciting powerful emotions from her and the other hashira. Though his eyes drifted aimless across the room, like a paddleless boat on a tranquil lake. His heart's eye surpassed physical sight. Which is why she always met his gaze. She explained to him that the girls ftom the butterfly mansion kept her company, but didn't bother expressing her personal feelings. When he asked more leading questions about what was wrong, she admitted feeling foolish for misjudging a situation, though she phrased it like a professional problem and not a personal one.
He rubbed his chin.
"I know it's easier to count sorrows than blessings, Mitsuri, but when one door closes, others open. Besides..." he chuckles lightly, "In my opinion, it is a sign of maturity, not weakness to admit you're a fool once in a while, it shows you're growing as a person."
Her eyes fell to the floor. "But Master, I don't feel like it... sometimes."
See, it was this clairvoyance that made her feel flayed open for all to see. it almost sounded like he knew about the rejection.
"Pain and happiness go hand in hand. The key to happiness is knowing its source, Mitsuri. It isn't by avoiding pain that we are happy, it's by accepting and moving with it that we have something to compare happiness to."He cited her accomplishments as a hashira.
"You know becoming a pillar didn't come easily at all, but didn't your accomplishments not make you happy mitsuri?"
He was right.
despite the pain she endured and suffered along the way. She was happy to dispose of ghastly demons that would do harm to innocents. Seeing the gratitude on their faces inspired her to want to train harder so she could save more. It was her calling to save people.
"thank you Master," She bows in gratitude for his guidance. They converse a bit more before she is escorted out by one of his daughters to the exit.
—-
She passed the ramen shop on her way home and for some reason, her stomach growled.
Might as well.
She shuffles her feet in and takes her seat at her usual place. Even the chef was concerned. He asked if there was anything he could do to help after seeing her twirl the broth of her 4th bowl of ramen idly. She shook her head because to say anything more would start a domino effect. Chef made her a bowl completely on the house anyway. She thanked him, nibbling the course slowly, her taste buds unable to taste anything at all. Though the Master's words resonated, she still needed to sort out these feelings on her own.
"Rengoku again?" She flinched but didn't jump this time, still doleful as ever.
"Oh, Iguro..."
"What's wrong, Mitsuri? You're not obligated but if you wanna talk, I'm here." Even he sounded glum. But he was sincere. And he was here now, so she figured why not take the lifeline? He wasnt encumbered by what transpired between them. She took a deep breath and told him what happened.
