You've got the light to fight the shadows
So stop hiding it away
Come on, come on


The horses as it turned out were two superb palfreys. To Arthur's joy both his stallion and Merlin's mare had ambling gates. "I never could wish for a better horse, it makes the thought of losing Llamrei, much more bearable, don't you think Merlin?" the king chatted as they rode on.

"Maybe we didn't lose our horses completely Arthur, they are intelligent and trained to return back to Camelot if they can." Merlin was still lost a little bit in thoughts, when he heard Arthur speak.

"You could be right." It was all the blond said to it.

The first day of the journey was remarkable uneventful, both men getting lucky and no bandits or other people were trying to, voluntary or not, hinder them on their way homewards bound. The forest was silent except for the birdsong which echoed through the air or the one or other animal they heard or saw.

"I think this is a good spot to make camp tonight. What do you say Merl….?" The king's voice cut off. "Sorry I….," Arthur sighted. He still sometimes forgot his former manservant's blindness. "It's okay Arthur, is there a stream or lake nearby? My waterskin is nearly empty." Merlin deliberately changed the topic, he and Arthur were sometimes still uncomfortable to speak about what happened.

"I think I remember that there is a stream a short while away. Do you want me to fill the skins alone or do you want to come with me?" Arthur asked.

"I think you can go… here, "the warlock said and held out his waterskin, he would have tossed it if he knew exactly where Arthur was and if he was even looking at him. The magic signature could only tell as much and Arthur having no real magic, had only a weak sign of it.

The king turned his steed around and took the offered container out of the white-haired man's grasp. "I think it would be safer to remain seated on your horse, if there is anything you can be off, let her be your eyes and feet for the moment."

The words stung Merlin a little bit, but he knew the king was right. "I thought you couldn't use your head, be off already so that you don't nag me to death, if I may remind you I'm not completely helpless." Merlin let a small smile play along his lips, he didn't want to show how uncomfortable he actually was.

Disgruntled the king sighted and took off with his mount. Merlin, feeling nothing dangerous, gave the head of his mare free and allowed her to seek food herself. Preparing his magic, he felt the surrounding forest respond to it.

Since leaving Avalon, he immediately noticed that he sensed more magic in his surroundings than before, although it was considerably less than on the isle. It was as if he had developed a sixth sense, especially for the power surrounding him.

I think it is not that absurd, seeing that the goddess connected me to the magic of the earth…..maybe the connection wasn't wholly removed? It would be interesting to see what else my magic can do.

He hadn't noticed it then, attributing it to Avalon being a land of magic, but he even felt more powerful. The magic coursing through his veins seemed unlimited. It frightened the warlock somewhat to think of all this raw power sleeping within him.

The sound of hoof beats alerted Merlin to Arthur's return. The trees over him creaked uncomfortable, he had not really realized that he let go of some of his magic. He quickly put it under control again. Not speaking much, king and warlock set up camp. It mainly consisted of Arthur doing most of the work. But Merlin helped with getting firewood, calling it with magic, also lighting the fire with it by touching an end of the wood and imagine the flames burning along it.

Arthur still sometime flinched, be it a log of wood or the small colour of orange from the flames, magic still made him slightly nervous. He knew that it was not dangerous, he saw Merlin do magic quite a lot the last weeks, but old habits die hard. And the thought of magic being used for 'normal' things couldn't go into Arthur's head fully jet.

Using magic did become a little bit different for Merlin. As before he could do magic, with but a thought, like calling usable wood for a fire needing just a clear image. Starting it became a bit more challenging as he had to know exactly what he wanted to set on fire and where. Setting random things on fire a few times in Avalon taught the warlock to be careful, but it always works when he uses his hands to feel the location.

They sat at the merrily crackling fire, eating a stew the king cocked out of the things they found at the hut, of course again with the help of Merlin. "What would you do without me, you would be completely overwhelmed with everything." The warlock threw in the comment for good measure when Arthur asked him for the nthied time what he was supposed to do next.

"I am just not good with the herbs, not everyone can spend as much time with Gaius as you." It stopped any further talking at the time as both men were drawn into their own thoughts at the comment.

Only when Merlin got the bowl with hot stew he spoke once more. "You know… I don't know what I should tell him Arthur, he is like a father to me," Arthur flinched at this, and at the same time feeling guilty being relieved that Merlin couldn't see his reaction. "I just don't want him to worry even more. What are we going to tell all the others, the council… Gwen?" He began to ramble.

"Merlin calm down, we already spoke about it, didn't we. We are telling them that you saved my life bringing me to Avalon, and that we had help from the Seelie." The king placed a comforting hand on the younger man's shoulder.

"You told me that you wouldn't tell them about my magic…." He heard the hesitation in Merlin's voice. "And I won't, I will leave it to you whom you will tell of your magic. But we must tell them that magic is the main reason why I am still alive." The blond placed a placating hand onto the warlock's shoulder.

"Do you….." the younger man stopped. Arthur waited to see if Merlin would begin again, but after some time he grew impatient.

"Merlin, we promised no lies, and you have nothing to hide from me, so no secrets either." He gave a small whack on the others arm.

"Ouch! Arthur! What was that for?" Merlin rubbed the offended shoulder.

"Stop thinking so much, it doesn't suit you. Tell me what is on your mind, and be honest about it." The king glared at his former manservant who was clearly unaffected by it.

"I," he sighted, "I think about that I can talk to you about magic now. The son of Uther Pendragon willingly speaks with a sorcerer, who would have thought?" he gave a small snort.

"It isn't what you originally wanted to say. I know you to well, spit it out Merlin."

The warlock's shoulders again slumped forward. And he pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "I wanted to ask you if you want to overthink the current situation." Came the diplomatic answer.

"What situation?" asked Arthur and raised a questioning eyebrow at the other, sometimes he didn't quite grasp how his friend thought.

"Haa…..sometimes I want to hit you…hard…magic, you wheat-haired prat." Merlin tilted his head up.

"I pretend I didn't hear the wheat-haired, but I see what you mean- Merlin, you know that I can't abolish the law completely overnight." He stared into the fire, his eyes followed the rapid changing forms of the flames.

"I know! I just wanted to know if you wanted to make any changes to the law at all….but…. what did you think of?" now the warlock became curious he hadn't thought that Arthur assumed he'd ask to abolish the law completely. It warmed his heart at the thought that the king changed so much to even think about it less consider changing!

Arthur was embarrassed Merlin would naturally put himself last, that idiot! He scratched the small stubble which formed on his chin in the time of being in Avalon. "I would take the magic playing the main role in healing me as an excuse that it is not bad, and would start by allowing the healing arts again… I think."

He saw the warlock letting out an inaudible sight, it was more of the rising a small bit before shoulders slumping down again, that indicated any kind of reaction towards the king's statement. "What do we do about the councillors who are against it?" it was an inevitable question the warlock asked.

"If you haven't noticed it jet Merlin, I am the king of Camelot. My word is law and the councillors are just there to do just that; they are counselling me. "The blond's eyes flashed.

"Oh…yeah…" it was the only thing Merlin said. Arthur sounded so sure, so confident, it almost made the warlock falter if he thought of himself.

They ate their meal in silence, after that Arthur scrubbed the pot and bowls with sand and got up to gather more firewood.

Merlin also stood up and headed to the horses. One of them let out a small whickering when he stepped near them. "Hey there, how are you both? I hope you both are having enough to eat." A silky snout bumped into his arm when he got into the range of the magic signature of the large beasts. "You are Arthur's steed right?" his hand found the forehead and the white haired man gave the horse a soft pat.

"I think we have to give the both of you some names, right….. we can't just call two magnificent animals like you 'Arthurs or Merlin's horse' it doesn't suit you." He contemplated. The warlock didn't notice that he was observed by anguished blue eyes.

Oh Merlin what should I do with you? You can't really allow showing your magic jet and you can't work as servant anymore. Haa…. My friend, why had you had to accept the offer of the fey? I see how it pains you, thinking that you became useless. What will Gaius say about it, and Gwen…I bet she will be heartbroken about your eyes, she always had a thing for them.

The king leaned against the trunk of a sturdy oak, having the firewood already deposited by the campfire. He had seen short glimpses of the look on his friend's face when emotions seemed to overcome the blind man. It was nothing short of pain and grieve he saw and it plagued him that he couldn't do anything about it.

When he heard Merlin speak with the horses he had to grin. No one, except for maybe the stable master, spoke with the horses like Merlin did. It was as if he saw them as humans and not as the animals they were. It was such a Merlin thing to do.

"I think Hengroen is a fitting name don't you think?" he couldn't help but throw in when he saw the warlock thinking about names.

Merlin jumped at the sound of Arthurs voice, it was unexpected and he thought he was still alone. "Arthur! Did you have to scare me like that?!" he nearly shouted but calmed down quickly. It certainly wasn't the king's fault for him not paying attention to his surroundings. Merlin scolded himself silently, he had to pay more attention in the future!

"Sorry to disturb your little chat with the horses while I am the one working here. Shouldn't it be the other way around?" the king crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

"I wasn't aware that you are that keen to talk to horses, but sure please do." The warlock stepped aside and gestured in the direction of the four-legged animals.

"You really are a know-it-all aren't you Merlin?" he spoke more to himself than to the other but Merlin being in the immediate surrounding heard what Arthur said. The king lifted his hand to the forelock of his steed and brushed it away, revealing a small white patch of fur underneath.

Both men said nothing to each other for a moment, each of them petting their own steed. "I think I name you Lailoken." The warlock finally decided and felt a soft snout nibbling at his tunic. Arthur just gave a quiet 'hrm' and Merlin heard how the king shortly patted the neck of his steed and then left for the fire again.

The warlock rubbed the forehead of his mare a last time and then made to follow the monarch to the warmth of the fire, and promptly fell over a root. "Ouch, dam woods and their dammed roots." He grumbled and made a try to stand up again.

It was still not easy to get used to some things, getting up from a crouching position was somehow weird for Merlin. He knew how he should feel and what to do, but his missing sight caused him to somehow become unbalanced, unsure. Heck normally he shouldn't even think about the process of standing up again, he fell often enough in the past.

A hand grabbed his. "Come, I'll help you." Arthur once again was at his side without him noticing it.

"I don't need it!" he tore his hand forcefully out of the others grip.

"Haaa… Merlin…. please." Arthur said nothing else. He knew why Merlin acted this way, it was as if he looked at a wounded beast, unwilling to accept help and lashing out if it felt cornered.

"I don't need it." The second time the voice was softer, and the blond heard a small tremble in it, subtle but it was there. So, he stood and waited for his friend to find his footing again.

Both men trudged back to where they had rolled out their blankets and Arthur grabbed his sword. "I'll take first watch, I'll wake you up when it's your turn." With these words he turned and sat down against the wide trunk of an oak.

Merlin lay down after ensuring the position of his king and drew the blanket tight around him facing away from Arthur. His thoughts still ran wildly through his head and it took some time to fall asleep.


Arthur woke up the next morning the sound of merrily cracking fire and the smell of stew made his mouth water immediately.

He yawned and stretched his arms to fully get the sleep out of his bones and smiled when his hand brushed against the wooden staff lying by his side. He found a good sturdy branch of oak, the upper half slightly gnarled, last night and, having nothing else to do, grabbed his knife and began to carve.

It was nothing to complicated. He stripped of the bark and made the surface as smooth as possible, getting one, two splinters in the process, shortening it to a good high, and began carving at the thicker end. Now the rough features of a falcon's head looked out of the wood. It was just slightly unintentional as he had been making it for the person who shared a name with a representative of that special kind of bird of prey.

"I was about to wake you up, good morning." Merlin's voice was flat not really cheerful and it sounded tired.

"Haven't slept well?" the blond stood up and looked over to the horses. Both were nibbling at some grass which grew all around them. It was one of the reasons why Arthur had chosen the place, fodder for the horses and a softer cushion than the normal forest ground.

"Come on, eat your stew and then we can break camp." Merlin's answer was short, almost cold and Arthur wondered what made his friend go into this mood. But he decided on the best strategy and simply handed a full bowl to his brooding companion and then ate his fill.

It was shortly before they made themselves ready to ride on again that he found the chance to present his gift.

"Here I think it will help you in the future." He held the staff out towards the blind man.

"What is it?"

"A staff."

"Amazing, I get a glorious piece of wood from the king, how generous of you sire." The sarcasm was not to mishear.

Arthur frowned but said nothing, he just held the staff out and grabbed Merlin's hand. The warlock wanted to escape the strong grasp of the blond but sadly, Arthur was still stronger than him. After wrestling for control a bit, and it was just for a short second, the king then won and placed the hand of the unwilling warlock onto the carving, not the handle.

Merlin almost instantly ceased his struggle when his hand touched the wooden figure. He needed a moment, sensing the structure and the carving marks, but then looked up and almost directly into the blond's eyes.

Arthur still marvelled at this, Merlin almost every single time managed to find and 'look' right into his eyes.

"Hm…." The white-haired man rubbed a thump against the warm wood. "Hmmmm….. I think I have to keep it then… your gift." He turned and made to walk over to his steed.

"Merlin please wait a moment," Arthur grabbed the hem of his tunic. "What is it? I won't give the staff back, you gave it to me." He gripped said staff tighter.

"I don't want it back Merlin, I just," with an audible ripping noise, a thin but long piece of fabric ripped off. "Wanted to do this." He finished.

"WHat do I tell you all the time!? Stop ripping your tunics! It's a pain in the ass to mend them, if I can manage to do so you prat!" Arthur scolded himself he always forgot how angry Merlin got when he misused his clothing. But thinking of how it didn't matter, he stomped to the positively fuming warlock and grabbed one of his shoulders.

"Turn around for me."

"Why should I?!"

"Haaa…. to tie it over your eyes."

„And oh why should I do this, are my eyes not pretty enough for you, you prattiness?!"

It was again a low blow against the king as all he wanted to do was to help a friend.

"No, Merlin, please be still and listen to me. I want you to wear this so that the people can't see your eyes."

"And why is that?" Merlin huffed, and Arthur noticed that he, at least, wasn't that riled up any more. Even if he still had the feeling that Merlin wouldn't let him off easy for, willingly, destroying another garment of his.

"Merlin, see, I don't know if the fay told you, but your eyes still glow when you are doing magic, have they?"

"No, they haven't…. why are they glowing?" now the younger was confused.

"I don't know, but please do me a favor and wear the blindfold for me." He gipped the shoulder a little bit tighter.

"Fine, but you owe me. Not for wanting to 'blindfold' me but for ripping the tunic….again!" he heard the warlock grumble as he turned around.

In his head Arthur began thinking, not for the first time, what he could do for his friend.


From medieval Latin Laloecen, possibly related to Welsh llallo meaning "brother, friend". This name appears in medieval tales about Saint Kentigern, borne by a prophetic madman at the court of Rhydderch Hael. He may form a basis for Myrddin, who is addressed as llallogan by his sister Gwenddydd in the Red Book of Hergest. ( name/lailoken)

And wasn't that a coincidence when i searched for a name for Merlin's horse :)?

I hope you liked the chapter, untill next time.

firewings27

released: 9.11.2023