Hachiman POV
I felt happy.
A happiness I never felt before, one that is distinctively different from receiving money, seeing Komachi smiling and being happy, and reading a good light novel or playing games.
I was confessed by a beautiful and cute girl instead of the other way around, during a time I had confused niceness with love back in middle school.
For that single moment, I was happy.
Then reality kicked in.
…When I had received this system, a small part of me had already accepted that I had to change into somebody I'm not; a womanizer that plays with a woman's heart, a bastard that will get cursed by people, and others. I don't want that. Just let me live in the abyss I call home instead of living in the disgusting light.
But now? I had somebody who declared that she doesn't want me to change… For that, I am truly grateful, even though I know it will only result in my own destruction later down the road…
Half of me felt absolutely over the moon when Shiro confessed, with her speech alleviating it, and that I should accept her confession…
…While the other half tells me that I shouldn't, for our relationship is already wrong because the system is manipulating her…
And I guess I can be held accountable.
No point… No point in denying that I am also responsible for this. Before, I… Guess I thought of blaming everything on the system, no I did blame everything on the system, comforting myself that I wouldn't be like this if the system wasn't here. That, I was also a victim just like everybody else…
But… I'm not.
Or rather, I'm also a victim but the difference is that I can still do something. Them? They can't. They might think they can, they might do something, dream, whatever, but…
Can I believe that? Can I truly, honestly, believe that the system isn't manipulating them? That they aren't just puppets dancing to the tune of the system?
Can I still see them as humans?
…Fucking hell… I really wish that I didn't get this title…
"Fledgling Casanova - As a casanova in the making, one should be able to understand their target's mind! (Able to partially read the mind of a target once a day)"
Mind reading.
That was the skill I can use when I switch my title. A power that for so many people dreamed of having, be it to truly understand others or to manipulate them better. One that has become a staple power in the dating sim and novels.
For me? It's a curse.
…When I got the titles, I quickly read through their descriptions, then I switched to the casanova title to read Shiro's mind. In hindsight, I should have tested out the skill later, during a time I'm not feeling so emotional…
Haaaah… But I did. I did. And I regret it.
"***** why do I like him ******"
That. That. Why do I like him?
…Right after I saw that… I'm… I ran away. I, I, I don't know how I looked, my emotions, anything. I just… Just really wanted to run away. Nothing else mattered, just that I… Needed to get away.
Pathetic, right? Here's a girl that confessed to you but you ran away like a little bitch.
…But, of course this could be a part of the system's plan since it specifically showed me the part that would cause the most misunderstanding…
I know. I understand. I figured it out.
But it still hurts! This deep wrenching pain in my chest! I can try to reason it all I want but the pain won't go away!
So, here I stand, with a gentle breeze hitting my soft skin, birds flying above me. My back facing solid ground while my front to nothingness. I capture the sight of rows upon rows of buildings, most of them acting as a sanctuary to people, and once upon a time, to me too.
…You can't really call a broken house a sanctuary… Can you?
"...Not like it matters anymore…" My mouth involuntarily opens up, with the wind slightly picking up now, then licks my dry mouth, "I had deluded myself into thinking that I could handle this, comforting myself with the thought that the system was the only one responsible for everything… But of course, I was proven wrong once again. I am just as responsible as the system since I'm playing this game."
…Why am I talking so much…?
I look down, feeling my gaze drawn to the nothingness, the sweet promise of end, "I have read, listened, watched, thousands of stories with insane plots that I can use to help me… Yet, all of them have the one ultimate truth. That they're "created" by somebody… I can see the similarities in my situation and the stories then make predictions, but one is harmless and inconsequential while the other can end everything if I ever make a wrong prediction…"
A last cry for help? A fuck you to the system? I don't know.
I dangle my left leg over the edge, "A loner, a mistake, a burden, all of that can sum up my life. I'm just… A loser that was abandoned by my parents, forced to work to provide for my little sister, scorned for being the son of a bitch and my eyes… Multiple times I felt like giving up but I didn't… I didn't since I had somebody relying on me, to talk to, bond with, genuine interactions, even if she was only one person…"
Well… Not like it matters…
I close my eyes, "Now…? It's all just fake… I truly lost everything now… Seeing what Shiro thought of me was the last straw… Only…" I really wish I was stronger.
…Sorry, Komachi, your Nii-chan wants to rest, just for a while…
You won't be too mad… Right…?
"STOOOOPPP!"
…Huh?
I open my eyes, only to feel my back harshly pulled back and colliding with the floor, "Oi you damned idiot! What the hell are you doing?! And what do you mean by "lost everything"?!" Blinking, I see Kawasaki glaring at me while I lay on the floor.
I look away while my mouth again opens up by itself, "...I'm tired, Kawasaki." Really tired, even though it has only been a few days since I got this system… Feels like I had it for years…
From the corner of my eyes, I see her eyes narrowing, "Everybody gets tired, Hikigaya. Still doesn't excuse your dumbass move of jumping from the rooftop."
…I wonder, can you still say that if you experienced what happened to me? Finding out you got a system that turned everything and everybody into a game, knowing that you have the power to erase somebody from existence, dealing with the nightmares, and having to deal with the promise that the system will go after your sibling?
I wonder.
"...Hikigaya, say something."
"...Say what, Kawasaki? I'm tired and I want to rest."
"Then skip school and sleep on your bed."
Skip school? I let out a small chuckle then it slowly evolves into a full blown laugh, prompting her to slowly back away from me, so I slowly get into a sitting position as I laugh, "I-I can't skip school!"
I keep shouting and laughing, feeling my throat stinging a bit, "I can't skip school, Kawasaki! I just can't!" I feel my eyes water then liquid starts to flow out, down past my mouth and hitting my body.
She flinches then shrinks a bit, "Ah… Um, look, Hikigaya, I don't know what you're going through…" She scratches her head, "I'm not really good at… Comforting people, but erm, look you can tell me anything and I'll listen…"
…What's the point? You wouldn't believe me…
"Try me."
Huh? Did I say that out loud?
"No, but your face said it."
"...Haaaaah, alright…" I shake my head as I give in to her then tell her a brief description of the system, as a way to test her, even though there is a slim chance of her believing it.
At the end of my explanation, I see her looking like a small fish on dry land, prompting me to lightly smile, feeling refreshed over telling somebody of my problem.
"...Let me get it straight, you got… Selected to be a player in a dating sim… With a system that has taken over our planet, effectively turning everybody and everything into a game and it can do whatever the hell it wants?"
"Yes."
"And your goal is to… Conquer sev - no eight, Main Heroines, to clear the game. Or else something bad will happen to everybody?"
"I wouldn't say bad… But I guess. Luckily, the time limit is one month."
"...And I am one of this Main Heroine?"
"...Yes." I'm really regretting telling her this… Oh wait, didn't she ask me something at the end? Wait, doesn't that mean she heard everything?! Oh fuck, the cringe of my words! Damn -
"You… You're not bullshitting me, Hikigaya?" Right, focus on Kawasaki first.
I helplessly shrug, "I wish. I don't want to but… I really got no choice."
She raises an eyebrow, "You do. Just ask your past self right there." She points behind me and I guess she's talking about my little suicide act…
I take a deep breath while using my collar to wipe my eyes, "Yeah… I do but then this system will go for Komachi, my little sister, in order to finish the game…"
"...I'm not a les, alright?"
I snort, "System doesn't care. Wouldn't be surprised if the system made you into one."
She lets out a long sigh, "Alright… Alright, let's say I believe you. Why are you telling me this? And don't say it's because I asked."
"...Desperation and stupidity, I guess." I lightly chuckle and shrug, "Maybe add in tiredness as spice." And hope that I got somebody to talk to…
"...Alright." She sighs then walks closer to me, "I'll… Play along for now, so long as you don't kill yourself. Also…" She harshly slaps me across my face, "That's for trying to force your sister into being a player."
I lightly touch my cheek, stings yet bearable, then close my eyes, "Yeah… Yeah, I deserved that." And more. Hell, I wouldn't defend myself if Kawasaki pummels me to the point of bleeding right now. So, just a slap is really a light sentence for a despicable person who wanted to run away.
That is how much I hate myself for being weak.
I feel a stinging sensation on my forehead, prompting me to open my eyes, only to see a hand right in my face, "Get up." I glance at her face to see her smirking, "Don't you have to… Conquer me. Blergh, never saying that again."
I feel my lips twitching as I gaze at her disgusted face, "Right…" I take her hand then I hoist myself up with her acting as an anchor, "Thanks… I needed that."
"...Don't mention it. I still don't fully believe you…"
"...Want me to show you how a person disappears?"
"...Hikigaya, just… Stop talking." She walks away with a hand pressed to her forehead, heading towards the door, prompting me to shake my head and trail behind her.
*VRTVRTVRT*
A/N
(This chap came out a bit later than my other sites due to being down lol)
...Well, it wasn't my intention to make a chapter for this fic but here we are. Also, I made a fic that is tied to this fic, same name but with origin at the /
Sorry for the short notes, but I'm really going through some stupid stuff... Actually, I'm really tempted to sell my game accounts, just to get money... Haaaaaah, and sorry to say, but expect really slow updates from now on, just until my situation improves.
