Okay, chapter 29, last chapter of heart break is here. I don't go into detail for the abortion, I didn't think it was necessary. But TW for abortion and pregnancy loss, if that's something you're sensitive to. Classes have started, so I'm trying to stay up to date, but it can get hard, especially because on top of college I'm doing an astrology course from an online learning center. So, I'm trying to spin all the plates, but some of them may tumble once in a while.
Olivia sat on the exam table, naked from the waist down, having received antibiotics and a sedative already. She held Charles's hand and stared off into space, wanting to be anywhere but here. Dr. Robbins walked in and stood in front of Olivia and Charles. "Are we ready?" she asked.
Olivia's voice sounded almost robotic as she responded. "Let's just get this over with," she laid back and put her feet up in the stirrups, scooting her butt down to the edge of the table. She saw Dr. Robbins sit in between her legs and pull on gloves.
Dr. Robbins looked at her. "Okay, we're going to start with the dilation process, I'm going to give you a couple shots to numb you up, you'll feel a couple pinches, but it'll be more tolerable than me dilating your cervix without it, okay?"
Olivia sighed. "Yeah," she looked at Charles, and as the needles pricked her cervix she squeezed his hand, taking sharp inhales of breath between her teeth. "Oh that hurts." She felt tears well up in her eyes, but she refused to cry. She had to be strong for her little girl. She took deep breaths and intertwined her fingers with Charles's.
Dr. Robbins started dilating her cervix, opening it up and she looked at Olivia. "Okay, I'm going to start, it should take about thirty minutes. Hang in there for me, okay?"
Olivia was numb, more than just physically. She wasn't sure if it was the sedation or if it was just her mind protecting her from feeling this, but she knew she wanted this to be over with. She hated that her one chance to be pregnant was ending in abortion, but she knew this was the best choice for her, and for her family.
Charles kissed her knuckles and brushed the hair out of her eyes. "I'm right here baby." He saw Olivia's face contort in uncomfortability. "It's okay," he whispered and kissed her forehead, tears in his own eyes. "I'm not going anywhere," he whispered.
Thirty minutes later it was over. Dr. Robbins stood up and took her gloves off, discarding them and the remains of Olivia's pregnancy. "Okay, let me get you some more antibiotics and some medicine to help shrink the uterus back to the size it was before your pregnancy. We'll give you a pad to use for now, as you're going to be spotting for about two weeks. Obviously change the pad as needed. Avoid baths for a couple weeks and no sex for a couple weeks while your uterus shrinks back down and your cervix closes. All to prevent infection. You should have a period in about 6 weeks, Olivia."
Olivia nodded. She looked at Charles after Dr. Robbins left and let her tears fall. She fell into Charles's arms and cried into his chest. "I just want to go home."
Charles rubbed her back. "Soon, Livia. Soon."
Dr. Robbins came back in and gave Olivia a couple pills and some water, which she took, and gave her a couple of prescription bottles. "Finish these, one is only until tomorrow, one is three days." /she handed her a pad and Olivia nodded. "You're going to get through this Olivia, you're strong. Take it easy for a couple days, especially today, spend your day resting in bed, lay low, okay?"
Olivia nodded and wiped her eyes. "Thank you Dr. Robbins," she said before Dr. Robbins left. Olivia got up and sniffled, putting the pad in her underwear and putting her pants and underwear back on. She put the pill bottles in her purse and she put it on her shoulder. "Let's go home."
Charles took her hand and opened the exam room door and walked out to the desk. "Are we good to leave now?"
The receptionist looked up at them. "Dr. Robbins just wants to see you back in two weeks, just to make sure you're healing okay. Can we set that up for the twentieth?"
Olivia sighed. "Fine, anytime is fine, please I just want to go home." She saw the receptionist scribble down the date and time of her appointment and handed her the appointment reminder card. "Thank you." Olivia took the card and Charles's hand and they walked out of the office. Olivia took a deep breath of fresh air and she closed her eyes. "It's over," she whispered, her hand resting on her bump that was now empty.
Charles hailed a cab and got Olivia into the cab, climbing in after her. "It's over," he whispered and kissed her temple.
Olivia nuzzled into him. "Can I make a request for when we get home?" She looked up into his eyes. "Hold me, and never let go."
Charles nodded. "I'll hold you as long as you want, Livia," he whispered. He kissed her temple a couple of times before whispering, "I love you." The cab pulled up to their brownstone and Charles got out, helping Olivia out. They walked into the brownstone and Olivia stopped in the foyer. Charles rested his hand on the small of her back. "You okay?"
Olivia turned to face him. "Yeah, I'm fine." She smiled a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Can we just go lay down? I'm… tired."
Charles was worried about her, but followed her lead for now, after all she just went through a heart breaking procedure. "Of course we can. And I'll hold you until you tell me to stop."
Olivia took his hand. "I'll never tell you to stop." She led him upstairs and to the bedroom, she disrobed and put on pajama shorts and a loose top, crawling into bed. She saw him strip down to his boxers and she smiled, seeing him climb into bed. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes.
Charles rubbed her arm and kissed the top of her head. "How are you feeling so far?"
Olivia let out a breath and curled further into him. "Empty." She said and felt herself start to cry. "Our baby is gone," she sobbed.
Charles held her close and tried to calm her down. "It's okay, let it out. I'm right here, let it out." He spoke softly. "I'm here. I've got you."
Olivia wiped her eyes and looked up at him. "Please don't leave me," she begged. "Please don't decide to up and leave because I wouldn't survive that, not after this."
Charles sat up a little and caressed her face. "Hey, I'm not going anywhere. I'm by your side forever. You're stuck with me."
Olivia nodded, then leaned up and kissed him. She pulled away and they looked into each other's eyes before she leaned in and kissed him again. Her tongue running along his lips begging for access to his mouth. Once he opened his mouth she moved to her knees and started massaging his tongue with her own.
Charles moaned. "Livia," he whispered and flipped her onto her back, and started kissing her neck. She moaned and he smiled. "God I love you," he rasped.
Olivia gasped. "I love you too," she whined. "My God, baby."
Charles massaged her breast and kissed her lips. She arched her back and wrapped her leg around him, pulling him closer. He pulled away and rested his forehead against his. "We can't."
Olivia groaned. "I know." She sighed and fell limp onto the bed. "I need a distraction. And that is the best distraction, getting lost in you," she looked up at him. "I'm sorry. I'm being hyper sexual as a way to not think about this, but I know I have to face this, but I don't want to."
Charles held her close. "I know baby, we can face the loss together but you need to heal from the procedure, mentally and physically, and I'll be here for you, but I won't know that pain. And I wish I could take that all away from you. I never want you to feel pain again."
Olivia curled into him like a ball. "Thank you for being here." She had tears running down her face and closed her eyes. "Can we get some sleep now? I'm exhausted."
Charles held her and rubbed her back. "Get some sleep, beautiful. I'll be right here when you wake up."
Olivia wrapped an arm around his torso, keeping her eyes closed, feeling him rub her back. That and his heartbeat lulled her to sleep within minutes.
Charles smiled at her as she seemed to sleep peacefully but then he saw her brow furrow and heard her groan. He got concerned and kept watching and listening. Then he saw her face contort from what he assumed was pain to complete bliss, and her groans turned to moans. Then he heard his name mumbled from her lips. Then he smiled. After that she stopped grunting and moaning, and fell back into what seemed like a peaceful sleep. He checked to see his alarm was set and then closed his eyes, making note to ask her about her dream later. "Good night, beautiful."
Olivia woke up before Charles's alarm and got out of bed to go to the bathroom, changing the pad in her underwear. She got up, flushed the toilet and washed her hands, looking at herself in the mirror and took a deep breath. She wanted to punch the mirror, but she knew doing that would hurt her, and as much as she wanted that release, she didn't want to hurt herself. "I need a damn speed bag." She sighed and rinsed her face then walked back into the bedroom.
Charles was sitting up in bed when she came back in. "You okay?"
Olivia let out a sardonic laugh. "Please don't ask me that today," she crawled back into bed and rested her head on his chest. She cocooned herself in blankets and looked at Charles who was staring at her. "What?"
Charles shook his head. "Seemed like you were having a really good dream before."
Olivia furrowed her brow. "Was I? Huh, I don't recall it. I'm sorry."
"Want me to tell you what I saw and heard?"
Olivia wanted to sleep some more, but she decided to humor him. "Sure."
Charles smiled. "You can say no, I can tell you want to go back to sleep."
Olivia sighed. "Either way, it's fine. You choose."
Charles rubbed her back. "Close your eyes and sleep."
Olivia settled into him. "We need to get a speed bag or a punching bag or something," she mumbled.
Charles looked down at her. "Oh?"
Olivia gave a small smile, even though what she was about to say wasn't funny she found it funny in a morbid way. "I almost punched my reflection in the mirror when I was in the bathroom before."
Charles nearly shot up. "Why?"
Olivia shrugged. "I needed the release of punching something, seemed fitting to want to punch myself out since I'm the one who aborted our daughter."
Charles got under the covers with her and held her close. "You know you made the best decision for you, for our family. You shouldn't want to punch yourself out because of that. Especially not in the mirror, you'd get hurt, love."
Olivia felt herself roll her eyes. "That's exactly why I didn't. I didn't want to hurt myself. I just wanted a release is all. And I know I made the right decision, but I still hate myself a little right now."
Charles's heart broke. "That's okay. I'll love you enough for the both of us."
Olivia looked at him. "I'm sorry I'm so snippy," she said gently. "I think it's just been an emotional day and I don't quite know what to feel or how to handle it yet."
Charles held her close and kissed her forehead. "I know. I can take it."
Olivia nodded. "But you shouldn't have to."
Charles looked down at her. "But I will. Until you figure this out I will." He kissed her forehead and held the kiss for a few moments. "I promise."
Olivia smiled gently. "I'll try not to be so snippy, so you don't have to take it. Or at least not as much of it."
A/N: Okay, that's it. Now we can all start to heal along with Olivia, Charles, and the kids. Not sure when the next chapter is going to be up, but He's Home is up next to be updated and (hopefully) finished. Leave a review if you feel so inclined, and I'll see you all soon!
