Yavin Street - Green Cloud Restaurant – In front of the Restaurant Entrance -
Kamui Woods had seen plenty of bullshit in his career as a Pro Hero already, and Endeavor sitting next to him on top of the same building even more so; they saw a Vigilante believe that marking people by peeing on their heads after capturing them would cleanse them of Evil (it wasn't even his Quirk, the guy just thought he was SO GOOD his pee would purify people), they saw a Villain woman trying to seduce Godzillo because she had a scaly fetish while ignoring the obvious issues of a normal woman unable to grow in sizes trying to sleep with a Kaiju-sized Godzilla Expy…
Damn, they even saw an old lady without a Quirk but a black belt in aikido effortlessly beat the shit out of a student from UA's Hero Course for grabbing her niece's ass while riding the train! They saw a LOT of bullshit!
"KILL THAT FUCKING DOG!"
And yet, here they were looking as a White Collar, a spoiled, no-brain, Armani-dressed buffoon trying to make his way up the corporate ladder of the Hero Public Safety Commission, ordering to a 'Pro Hero' taking orders and working exclusively for the Commission to kill Blackie in front of Green Cloud Restaurant to avenge his honour.
"How did this happen, exactly?" Kamui asked.
"I don't have every detail, but it seems like the guy wanted to drag Chef Izuku to the Commission's HQ for some questioning, something about Whitey's schematics and his pet Shiro's own powers, and just found the place closed for 'Ingredients hunting'." Enji answered.
"Uh-hu. And?"
"Since it was clearly closed, the guy threw a fit and demanded the restaurant to open for him to get in, to whom I don't know, and since obviously the doors did not open by themselves to let him in just because he works for the Commission, he did the only stupid thing he could think of: He tried to kick Blackie."
"Is he insane?! I heard the rumours! That dog obliterated a Nomu while protecting an UA student during her Internship! Fat Gum himself told me!" Kamui said, his bulging eyes unseen thanks to his Hero mask.
"Apparently he doesn't know that the dog too is a monster, because, and this is just based on what the other Restaurant owners told me, Blackie didn't even bulge from the kick, he just opened an eye and after glaring at that moron, he gave a Huff! That sent that idiot flying away naked until he landed into a dumpster with a broken arm and a black eye to go along his broken pride. Now here we are." Endeavour answered.
"Should we intervene?" Kamui asked.
"I am sure the professional Pro sent by the Commission has everything under control." the other answered, smirking.
"...You know? I think you are right." Kamui answered, snorting.
"DID IT START ALREADY?!" Hawks asked with an eager voice and hurrying to sit with the other two to enjoy the show.
"Not yet," Endeavour answered, not really surprised to see other Pro Heroes discreetly coming to see the show of a fool trying to bring shit to Green Cloud Restaurant, all of them perched like vultures on the rooftops around and in front of Izuku's Restaurant to watch the drama unfold on street level.
Many Pros had indeed doubts about Blackie's role as security for the Restaurant, having only heard rumours about the only two times the Lord Dog actually took action, both in the USJ and while accompanying Momo, but they needed to see things with their own eyes to believe, instead of through second-hand hearsay.
"...Isn't that Gun-Jack? The British Vigilante?" Ryukyu asked once she sat next to Hawks.
"Uh? Ah, yes, he's the new recruit for the Commission, yeah." Hawks answered.
"They are recruiting Vigilantes too now?" Enji asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Oh, trust me, Endeavour-san, that would be the least Evil/Illegal thing they do with or without the support or permission of the Japanese Government." he answered.
Sigh! "Sometimes I wonder why I even bother doing my job if those Morons are in charge…" Kamui muttered with a sigh of defeat.
"Mood!" Every other Pro Heroes watching answered as one.
Street Level – In front of the Restaurant -
"What? Are you afraid of a mangy dog? Pfeh! Then watch how a Real Man does it, you sissy Japanese Betas!" The Former British Vigilante thought with a sneer once seen the many Pros looking at him from afar.
Gun-Jack, real name Jack McLaggen, was a tall man (Enji Todoroki tall) of Scottish descent with large shoulders, muscular build and sporting a thick and curly fiery-red beard under the heavy-looking helmet of his Hero Costume modelled after a World War II soldier and with heavy gauntlets on his forearms shaped like a revolver's bullet chamber.
His Quirk was just as crude as his temper: The Ex-Vigilante could store kinetic energy in his fists and release the stored power all at once with a powerful blast of concussive force upon impact of his punches; he had Limits of course, since a blast too strong could still break his arms if he was not cautious, but thanks to his joining the Hero Public Safety Commission, he now had the equipment necessary to not only store enormous kinetic energy in an instant, but he now could release even greater power than before without risking self-harm, and Blackie was his current target to test his new toys.
"Sorry, Mate! But orders are orders! Gonna make you meet your maker now! You shouldn't have angered the wrong guy with powerful friends!" The Pro Hero said in sadistic glee.
"...Umph." Blackie barely opened a single eyelid enough to see who was disturbing his nap, and gave a clearly derisive snort in answer before returning to sleep.
"Did ya just laugh at me, ye fucker?!" Gun-Jack hissed, blood already burning in his veins like fire.
"…" In answer a disgusting acre smell wafted towards him and the guy in an expensive suit from the Commission.
"HE ANSWERED WITH A FART?!" The guy in the suit shrieked in disgust while covering his face with a handkerchief with his initials to it.
"How much more unmanly can he get?" The Pro Heroes watching thought in wonder.
"Ye fart towards me?! That's it! I destroyed Pubs for far less back home! Gun-Jack's Special: 1 Charge!" Gun-Jack said while pulling the hidden trigger in his gauntlet's gloves that generated a loud Bang! That made the revolver-shaped arm-guard spin once as the charge in one of the slots exploded, infusing his right fist in energy and making the hand release very faint twirls of smoke.
"TASTE THIS, YE BLOODY BASTARD! DISCHARGE PUNCH!" The man yelled with his punch slamming with zero mercy on Blackie's forehead and releasing on impact a loud explosion that would have sent even a giant Villain reeling back.
Boom!
And yet when the smoke dispersed, the Lord Dog was still lying there, only now fully opening a single eye to look at the punch still pressed against his forehead.
"Is that what you call a punch, you Sissy? Stop wasting this Lord Dog's time with your caresses and leave." Blackie said with a mocking tone, surprising the many people that didn't know he could actually talk.
"YOU CALLED ME A SISSY?!" Gun-Jack shrieked with blood-shot eyes.
"Yes, because this Lord knows that for Insecure Idiots like you there is not a better insult than attacking your masculinity...Whatever small quantity of it there is in you, little girl." Blackie answered, snorting.
"LITTLE GIRL?!" The guy bellowed while pulling back his fist to recharge the spent bullet.
"What? You think attacking your Lord Dog with that pathetic 'Punch' makes you a man? You are just a weakling, and a fairly pathetic one at that." The Dog answered.
"THAT'S IT! I'LL KILL YOU! AND THEN I WILL TEAR APART YOUR OWNER!"
"Bwahahahahaha! You? Killing ME? Don't oversell yourself, little boy. And even then, should I so magnanimously let you try your luck against the Kiddo I swore to protect, that young Chef would just need to slap you with his dick to kill you, even just size envy towards a Real Man surpassing you even while limp would kill you. You are simply so weak my paw or his punch are wasted on you." Blackie answered, merciless, and even moving to sit on his haunches and moving his head to the side to offer him a better target.
"Here, you pussy! This Generous Lord Dog will even make it easier for you: this is my best side, try to punch me for real this time! Just be careful to not break a nail and ruin your manicure." He then said,
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Gun-Jack's scream in answer to that onslaught of insults shocked everybody, it was incredible how much bestial anger the guy managed to pack in that howl.
"Gun-Jack's Ultimate: 12 Charges!" The furious Pro Hero roared while unloading every charge of his gauntlets all at once, making both his fists turn bright-red and emitting thick black smoke.
"STOP! THE FULL RELEASE HAS NOT BEEN TESTED YET!" The guy in a suit shrieked in fear.
"FUCK OFF! YOU WANT A REAL PUNCH, FUCKER?! HERE IS ONE! A DOUBLE PUNCH THAT SURPASSES EVEN ALL MIGHT'S! DUBLIN SMASH!" Gun-Jack roared, throwing a double punch with both fists towards Blackie's cheek.
BOOOOOOOOOM!
The Explosion on impact was immense, and while not even close to match the power and strength of a real punch of Toshinori like the moron liked to think, it was still enough to send whoever was on the street flying back and almost doing the same to the other Pro Heroes watching from the rooftops, several windows exploded and an even entire side of a building nearby gained deep cracks, such destruction caused by the double punch forced the observing Pros to intervene to assist whoever was caught in the blast and assure everybody else was safe and unharmed.
"AAAAAAAH!" The one that got it the worst though was Gun-Jack himself as the feedback from the attack surpassed even his gear's threshold, as showed by both his arms now being bent in way too many joints and at his hands that now looked like they actually exploded, it was a miracle in itself if he still had all fingers attached, even if several of them had turned into almost unrecognisable bundles of broken flesh and bones.
"Really pathetic." And yet, as the smoke dispersed again, Blackie was still standing in the same position, not a hair of his fur out of place, not even slightly singed, the Dog had taken the attack head-on without defending himself, and yet he took absolutely zero damage.
"...What the bloody hell are you?!" Gun-Jack demanded in absolute fear.
"Me? I am your Lord Dog, you weakling. Now disappear from my sight." Blackie answered, and his exquisite paw gave a faint, almost playful swat forward towards the man.
BOOOOOOOM!
The force generated by that attack rattled the windows of the entire city, and under the shocked eyes of everybody, a moment Gun-Jack was kneeling in front of Blackie, and the next the guy was gone, the building that happened to be behind the Ex Vigilante gained a giant hole thanks to the unseen body flying through it as if made of paper instead of concrete, and few, miserable rags that once used to be the guy's Hero costume slowly fell to the ground.
Gun-Jack will be returned to the Hero Safety Commission only the next day and on a stretcher, he had been adrift unconscious in the middle of the damn ocean for hours until a small fishing ship several miles away from Japanese coasts stumbled on him, and that alone will be considered a miracle since only those generous fishermen administering first-aid to the strange mangled naked man they found saved his life.
"You next, weakling. Time to fight your own battles." Blackie declared once moved his eyes to the Suit Guy already soaking his very expensive pants in fear.
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAH! KILL IT! KILL IT, THAT'S AN ORDER!" The guy shrieked in fear while diving for his limo and sprinting away uncaring of street laws.
"...What now?" Hawks asked.
"Technically what happened is assault…" Mr. Plastic answered, unsure.
"Assault? All things considered, this Lord Dog merely defended himself from a madman using lethal force. It is not my fault he was so weak a dog paw could send him flying." Blackie answered with a very human-like smirk.
"I wish that was the case. Now come, doggie, we'll take you to a nice cosy cage and then your owner will have to answer some questions." Mr. Plastic said while boldly, and maybe a bit stupidly, moved to pat Blackie's head in a condescending manner.
"...Are you treating this Lord like a common dog?" The Lord Dog asked with a tone of actual surprise.
"Easy, Fido. I know the Chef here likes to pamper you, but I will administer some discipline if you force my hand! I have had plenty of dogs so I know how to use muzzles and rolled-up newspap-"
BANG!
"…"
"Honestly, is it really a surprise?" Edgeshot asked with a groan once seen Mr. Plastic get sent into low-orbit by Blackie in answer to those outrageous words.
When several days later Mr. Plastic finally returned to Musutafu bruised, battered and in clear need of a wheelchair, he had answered to every question they asked him with a trembling, scared voice, and while everybody understood his new-found fear of Blackie, nobody even just tried to believe he had landed that far away thanks to that paw strike he survived, if barely, only thanks to his Quirk.
They all chalked it up to PTSD, because the mere idea of that absurd distance being the truth was just too absurd to believe.
"Technically we can't let this slide, it will set a precedent…" Ryukyu answered while rubbing her temples.
"It's a dog. We are dealing with a dog. Smart enough to talk like a human, but he is still legally a dog, contrary to people like Nezu. Besides trying to get him into a kennel, what are we supposed to do?" Hawks said.
"Your job, Hawks. Your job..."
"Bah! I…"
"Uhrm?" Blackie looked at Enji with a raised eyebrow.
"Don't get your tail into a knot, puppy! Let me finish! As I was saying: I am leaving, I have no time to waste acting like a Dog-Sitter! Let the Animal Protection or whatever deal with this." Endeavor scoffed and answered with a growl, and simply left.
"Seriously, your Ego will be your undoing someday! Sorry, Blackie, but laws are laws!" Ryukyu answered before transforming into her big dragon form.
"Huhuhuhu! I wonder if the Kiddo will be open to the idea of using a 'Fake Dragon' as an Ingredient for my beloved Spicy Noodles! I was told dragon meat tastes heavenly!" The Lord Dog answered while licking his lips and gently lifting his exquisite paw again.
"I have a bad feeling about this…" Hawks muttered.
KRATA-BOOOOOOM!
"...Yeah, exactly..."
Meanwhile – Other Dimension – Path towards the capital of the Human Kingdom -
The air was crisp and clean, the sun was shining brightly without a cloud in sight and the trees at both sides of the road offered random bouts of reprieve from the heat to the travellers…
CRUNCH! And in that same crispy air, the sounds of bones shattering travelled especially far.
"MERCY!" The last standing guy begged in complete fear, he was alone in the middle of the dozen bandits that together with him had been beaten black-and-blue and then undressed into the plain and crude pants hiding their privates.
It was supposed to be such a simple job! Swoop in, rob these people blind and if there were some cute girls, flash a very handsome smile and a wink to the most pure-looking one of them and hopefully start a very convoluted Forbidden Love story with some lady that secretly came from a rich family! Just like tradition! And yet, as soon as he and his Merry Companions™ had assaulted the small convoy of Merchants, a guy dressed like a Chef accompanied by a chubby Automaton and a curiously short Viera had joined the scene from a side road, looked at them for a single second, and then spent the next five minutes kicking the crap out of them with way too much enjoyment!
"This should be the last of them," Izuku said with a sigh.
"Nope! There is still one!" Rumi answered, fixating her fanged smirk on the Leader of the small group of thieves.
"Please let me go...I will be good!" The once Dashing Thief, now crying and babbling, begged while walking forward on his knees.
"Uhmmm."
"Please, milady?" He said, putting on his most pathetic expression.
Sigh! "No can do, criminals get arrested, that's the law." She answered, shrugging helplessly.
"Ple-" WHAM! Luckily he got off easily, just an axe-kick to the head that knocked him down instantly.
"All clear. The others?" She asked.
"Already tied-up!" Izuku answered, pointing at the downed thieves tied like salami that were being loaded on the back of an empty cart.
"In the end the extra cart we took along did serve its purpose! The bounties on the heads of these gentlemen will be a nice addition to our income! Hahaha!" The chubby man at the head of the long line of Merchant carts added, laughing merrily.
"Glad to be of help!" Rumi answered, dropping the Thieves' Leader with the others once tied him up with the same ropes the merchants generously offered them.
"Even still, I do owe you two our lives, so we'll share some water and food with you, as a thank you." The Merchant Leader offered.
"Thank you! How long before we reach the Capital?" Izuku asked.
"Uhmm...Your horses seem to be in good condition, so I guess you'll be there in a couple hours, just in time for lunch! Here, my treat." The old man answered while studying the road ahead and absently passing a hand on his balding head, and then handing a couple strange octagonal coins to Rumi.
"Oh! Amazing!" The young Chef answered.
"Huhuhu! This' nothing, my boy! Once in Serena City, visit the 'The Hanged Boar' Inn, the owner is Rosmerta and she offers the damn finest cooking in the entire city!"
"We'll remember that, sure!" Rumi answered with a thumbs-up.
"Very well, I guess this is where we part ways, then! Safe trip, my friends! May the Gods protect you!" The old man said.
"Same to you!" Izuku answered.
"Byeee!" Rumi chorused, but as soon as both mounted on their horses (Rumi a bit wobbly still since Izuku was still teaching her how to actually ride one) a strange girl bolted out from one of the carts to address them.
"Wait! Brave travellers, I need your help!" The girl said, talking with hushed tones.
"…" What made both Chef and Hero student wary of the girl was her appearances, she had golden-blond hair styled in two small drills framing her healthy and slightly pudgy face on the front, while behind her head they were let free to cascade behind her back like strings of golden silk, she also possessed very well-kept fingernails and straight, pearl-white teeth; she honestly looked like a rich girl just out from an expensive saloon more than a Merchant's daughter.
"...Please tell me this is not happening for real…" Rumi muttered to herself in dismay.
"What do you need?" Izuku instead asked, and contrary to the girl's hope, they both noticed the corners of her mouth form a sneer for barely an instant before her face dropped into an Oscar-worthy performance of despair.
"Oh! You have to help me! I am on the run and only a duo of Heroes as strong as you can help me!" She had said with loud sniffs and sobs supposedly rattling her body.
"I think I have seen a Manga start exactly like this." Izuku thought in worry.
"Help with what, exactly?" Rumi asked with narrowed eyes.
"Over there, kill him!"
As on cue, as if the entire thing was a very low budget play, signs of movement came from the trees nearby, followed by various screams of either panic or anger.
The bushes barely few metres ahead of both Dimensional Travellers and Merchant convoy then split apart to reveal a large guy nobly dressed rushing out in a panic and followed by a group of armed soldiers in leather armour chasing him, with their leader wearing an extremely beautiful chain-mail.
"Augustus! You are alive!" How that mountain of a guy did not notice the absolute lack of honest care in that scream of the girl, Izuku had no idea, meanwhile behind the Chef Rumi kept shaking her head in dismay.
"Their outfits do not seem like something mercenaries or adventurers would wear. These people are most likely the personal retainers of some nobility!" The Merchant Leader said in shock.
"You don't say…" Rumi muttered.
"Uh?" Izuku muttered.
"Just watch."
"Young Miss!" The tall beefy guy yelled in relief, and moved to act as a human shield for the girl no matter his injuries.
"Who are you?" The captain of the squad asked both Dimensional Travellers.
"We are just innocent bystanders, sir! Please continue and don't mind us! We haven't seen anything today!" The old Merchant answered for them while sweating in fear.
The private squad leader barely sent a grunt and a glare their way in answer before focusing on the large guy and young lady that stood on the other side.
"We need to help them!" Izuku hissed.
"Wait," Rumi muttered while grabbing his arm.
"Why?!"
"Please trust her, Host Izuku. The situation is not what it looks like." The System as well answered, heard only by the two.
"Young Heroes! Please save us! I am the daughter of Viscount Barrett. If you were to lend us a helping hand, I will definitely remember your kindness, and you will forever have the friendship of the Barrett family!" The strange girl said.
The young lady had a pair of mesmerising blue eyes, and at that moment her face had a pleading expression that would have most likely moved the majority of noble male youths to impulsively swear to fight for her honour, had it not looked so painfully fake to Izuku and Rumi.
"Just for the sake of the Host. This girl has already started waving Lies, the System can assure that the probabilities that any reward will actually be delivered is 0%."
"But what if-!"
"Please observe, Host Izuku. Other Characters are about to join this sorry excuse of a play." The Entity said.
"Young Miss, the Viscount only asks for you to return. Please do not resist!" The Captain ordered with a harsh tone while slowly approaching the young lady.
"That underhanded and despicable worm, he covets the possessions of my family and poisoned my father to his death. Even if I die I will not go back!"
The young lady poured all of her problems out in one go with a tone actually close at resembling real Despair, all the while sneaking a glance at Izuku from time to time while subtly smoothing the front of her dress in a way that slightly accentuated her cleavage, just enough to show the initial inch of the breast valley hidden under the dress.
"He killed her father!?" Izuku muttered with a growl.
"That part is a lie, Host. By the System's estimates, she was the one to do the deed." The System answered, making the young Chef's eyes bulge-out.
"It seems like a struggle of inheritance, but by purposefully revealing this conflict, she seems to want to drag us down into this at all costs...Why?" Rumi muttered, unsure.
"Viscount Sire has not done any of the things you claim. As for the inheritance, it is to be decided after the meeting with the nobles!" The Captain exclaimed loudly, looking nervous at the family dirty laundry being outed like that.
"I have proof on my body! You can't fool anybody!" The young lady snarled.
"Quick, bring Missy home!" The Captain had clearly decided that negotiating was no longer an option.
A few of the troops brandishing their knives and swords charged forward while the large guy roared and shielded the noble young lady.
But before the battle could actually commence, several arrows rained among the two groups, and soldiers wearing majestic armors accompanying a dashing young man in golden armour appeared on the scene in a mad charge.
"Protect the convoy! Protect the commoners! ONWARD!" The young noble at the head of the charge ordered with a mighty scream while heroically brandishing his sword.
"YES, YOUR MAJESTY!" The guards behind him answered with a roar that shook even the trees around them.
"It's the Prince and the royal guards! RUN!" The Captain of the private militia yelled in horror, and following his example, all those men ran away chased by the Prince and his own personal guards.
"...That happened." Rumi muttered.
"As the System said, more characters were about to join." The System explained.
"Oh! I was so scared!" The girl yelled with big crocodile tears while hugging Izuku's leg, almost throwing him down his horse.
"Glad...Glad you are okay, though!" The young Chef answered, barely keeping his balance.
"Luckily the Prince happened to pass by here, but still, as you saw there needs to be Justice brought to my father's death! I need your help to protect the honour of my family, Brave Heroes!" The girl said.
"What about no?" Rumi answered, snarling.
"Uhu?!" Izuku, the girl and the Augustus guy gurgled-out as one in answer.
"I smelled enough crap, so I am cutting this short. Could it be that you have read too many tales about Knights in shining armour, young lady?" Rumi asked.
"What do you-"
"In a dense forest, an adventurer chanced upon a princess who was fleeing from her Evil Uncle, and even helped her seek revenge. After overcoming a series of adversities, they triumphed over their enemies. Thus the adventurer obtained the treasures and the love and the admiration of the princess. From then on, they lived happily ever after!" Rumi recited all that in a poetic, bard-like manner.
"…" Izuku saw it, how for an instant the girl's face had become a mask of such putrid Hatred she looked about to try strangling his friend, only to hide it, barely, under a mask of disbelief.
"You-"
"All you said is probably an empty lie, full of false promises. At most, Izuku would obtain your body and flesh for one night and then we would have to help you seek revenge against a bastard who has the backing of a huge faction or even, worse case, an innocent guy that is just yet another victim of your petty tricks. How far am I from nailing it?"
"You have no idea who you are against!" The young lady answered with a growling voice and yet was obviously struggling to form coherent words, either because of her disbelief or of her wish to tear off Rumi's head.
"Get lost!" The other bellowed in answer.
"You-"
"Is everybody okay?" At that moment the Prince and only two guards reappeared.
"OH! YOUR MAJESTY! I WAS SO SCARED!" And without missing a beat, the girl left Izuku's side to dive for the Prince's arms no matter the cries of protests from the young man's guards to renew her performance.
"...Let's go." Rumi suggested, and helped by the distraction offered by the Prince, the two Travellers plus one robot quietly left everybody behind.
While this was happening, and while being comforted by the Prince himself in a tight embrace of his strong arms, the girl kept sending a glare of absolute hatred towards the back of Rumi's head.
"Who's that bitch?! I followed meticulously every step to initiate the Romance Route with Prince Halberd and here he is...But who are those two?! Yes, this is a real world and not a game, but until now everything happened as I expected!...Can it be...A Secret Route?! Sure I played Kingdoms of Romance IV religiously ever since it came out, but I still had to 100% it when I decided to use that Ritual!" The appearance of Izuku and Rumi had indeed thrown her for a loop since she did not expect to run into them after following her plans.
Sure her body's father had to die, but eh! Sacrifices had to be made in the name of Love! Her uncle was a despicable pig too, so nobody will miss him when he will die as well! She especially won't miss him, but will actually thank both dead men for their sacrifice from the loving embrace of her harem of hot studs! But what about those two strangers? Unless...
"Maybe I unknowingly started another route too! One with a bitch Viera Love Rival! Sure it's a pity he is not a noble...But that boy did look like a nice piece of ass to add to my Harem!" Noble or not, that girl could still recognize a hot guy when she saw one.
"Izuku...A Japanese name...I heard they were planning for a Samurai-themed expansion...So maybe he is one of those 'Secret Prince' Characters! He felt very fit too! Uhmmm! I am gonna keep an eye on him too, maybe if I am lucky I can have a 100% Romance scene where That Shitty Bitch watches powerless as he dumps her ugly whore bunny ass for me...Yeeeees...I will slurp the dick of your man while you watch in defeat, you skank! I will steal your man away or my name is no longer Blake Elizabeth Meloarna Dementia Raven Way!" The Psychotic girl thought in malice while basking in the arms of the Prince she had spent countless nights of her previous life writing deranged Fanfics about.
With Izuku -
"So you two say it was all something she had planned about?" He asked again, just to make sure.
"Icchan, haven't you seen how she jumped, and almost dry humped, that Prince guy as soon as he arrived? She was waiting for him, let me tell you! She never, NEVER looked afraid during the bandits attack or those guys attacking her servant! She had the eyes of somebody pleased at seeing things following her schedule!" Rumi answered.
"Correct. The System never registered fear in that woman's soul. The whole time, all she felt was satisfaction." The Entity added, it could just easily tell Izuku the girl was a woman having her own Isekai and following her personal Power Fantasy to build her deranged Harem, but why burden the future God of Cooking with the mental illness of a thirsty shut-in? That woman was not worthy of a single instant of attention from its beloved Host!
"As long as you can assure me I did not turn my back to somebody in need…" Izuku said, sighing.
"Believe me, if anything really dangerous was about to happen to that girl, I would have been the first to intervene, I am studying to become a Pro Hero, remember." Rumi answered.
"Of course...one thing, though…"
"Yes?" She asked.
"How come you were so sure it was all either a set-up or something that girl wanted to see happen?"
"I-I...I-I may have had a passing interest with Romance Novels when I was a kid a-and saw similar scenes happen quite often between the Female Lead and her future husband…" Rumi answered with a very ashamed voice and an adorable cherry-red blush on her face.
"Aaaw! That's adorable!" Izuku admitted with a stricken expression.
"S-Shut up!"
"No, really, Rumi! It's adorable! I am not making fun of you,"
"No, it's stupid…" She muttered.
"It is not, you were a kid dreaming to meet her Prince, nothing wrong with that!"
"I don't need Prince Charming, I just need you." she answered.
"Rumi, not this again."
"Yes instead!"
"I won't betray Momo, you know this."
"Tch! You don't need to 'Betray her'! Just let me in as well,"
"She will never accept that," Izuku answered, sighing.
"Who gives a fuck about what she wants! It's what me and you want that matters! She'll either come around or leave." Rumi answered, scoffing.
"It doesn't work like that...You know this…"
"I can make you happy, Izuku. I know this. Why do you keep denying it? Are you afraid?" She asked, looking at him with her ears pinned down and a very hurt expression.
"Don't do this, Rumi. It will hurt you in the end…" He muttered.
"No it won't if you act like a man and do what you have to!" She answered, hurrying forward and forcing him to kick his own horse into a sprint to keep up with her…
He also did everything in his power to pretend the few drops of water hitting his face was the dew of some plant, instead of coming from the girl he was chasing, honestly the more heart-wrenching alternative.
Several hours later – Serena City, Capital of the Human Kingdom -
"Aah!" Releasing a happy groan while stretching his back, a young man had just walked out of an imposing building showing the insignia of some sort of school on its front entrance, right above the enormous double-door in golden metal that slowly closed behind him.
"What a nice day! I finally registered into the classical Magic Academy full to the brim in Noble Babes just waiting for the Chad MC to come and collect them, and as I expected my Mana Pool really is as awe-inspiring as it was supposed to be! Too bad I already had some fun with the maids back home, shooting a couple loads into a Tsundere or a Kuudere schoolgirl in the upper years would have been a nice way to close this small errand...Oh well! I have plenty of time to seduce them, I am the Main Character after all! Aaah! Empty Balls, such a liberating feeling!" The second guy living his small Power Fantasy in that world muttered to himself with a satisfied smile.
But he did not just spend all his time screwing around with, or just screwing, every maid he deemed cute enough, he also had plans to enact his own personal Isekai Anime adventure too! That is why he signed-up for a Magical School and the royal army, he was actually following a mental check-list of sort trying to turn every cliché into reality, especially once learned that the body he was currently inhabiting had an older sister, in his eyes just another hole to fill and another member he wanted to add to his Harem.
Unfortunately, both him and that other girl were unaware that The System had took over and secretly reset the Laws of Reality of the world they both were reborn in, this was unknown even to the two demented gods that helped them transmigrate, those two perverts won't interfere with its Host' mission if The System had anything to say about it.
"...Feeling better?" It was then that the guy heard Izuku's voice from one of the tables outside one of the local inns.
"A bit." Soon followed by Rumi's answer.
"Uhn?" The guy muttered, curious.
"That's a relief." The young Chef said with a gentle smile.
"...Sorry." She muttered.
"For what?" he asked.
"I threw a tantrum, a childish one."
"A VIERA! YES! I WANNA FUCK THAT!...Oh...She's a bit short though...I heard they all are at least two meters tall."
"Rumi, the things you said…"
"Are all real! I love you, okay?! I do! I really do, goddamnit!" Rumi answered.
"OOOH! She's a tomboy! I always wanted to own one of those! But she likes another guy...Eh! As if that is a big problem! I just need enough Fame as a Badass and then fuck her to have her drop the guy.
The ones in a relationship are always a bit harder to woo, but if in the meantime I collect my initial Harem, then a couple Unattached Vieras and even my own sister, I am sure I will then be able to start adding girls already taken to my collection...Who can resist the MC after all? Huhuhuhu!
Have no fear, Little Rumi, when your time comes you'll see how nice it is to ride this Stallion! I will dump sooo many loads in you you will barely remember your name! Just be patient, I will come collect you soon! Your precious Master and Owner JohnHunterDrake Armageddon Hellblaze!" the guy thought in glee, eager to add another piece to his collection and running away cackling.
Not even ONCE his thoughts contained a single trace of Love.
"…"
"…"
"Who was that weirdo?" Izuku asked.
"Dunno! He just stood there looking at nothing and then ran away laughing." Rumi answered, appalled by the insane guy's actions.
"He did ruin the mood, though," The young Chef admitted, sighing.
"Izuku...I do love you. I am not joking."
"But I have Momo."
"Then have Momo AND Me! You can handle two girlfriends!" Rumi answered.
"But it wouldn't be fair towards you and her!"
"Who says that?" The Hero Student answered, grabbing his hands and pleased to see him not recoil when she used her thumbs to massage his knuckles.
"Common sense," Izuku answered, chuckling.
"Ah-ha! Common Sense says it, not Izuku Midoriya. It means there is a chance!" Rumi said, softly.
"Rumi...Why are you doing this?"
"What was the first thing you thought when you first saw me?" Rumi asked.
"...Honest?"
"Honest."
"...tty."
"Izu, I may have good ears, but I too have limits. Louder." She said, chuckling.
"She has very pretty ears." He muttered, face burning red in shame.
"D'aaaw!"
"RUMI!" He shrieked, turning even redder.
"Huhuhu! Sorry, sorry. Then? What did you think?"
"...Please don't get angry."
"I won't. Maybe." She answered with narrowed eyes.
Sigh! "How can somebody so brash, blunt and rude be a Hero?...Sorry."
"Jesus, I really made a bad first impression, uh?" Rumi admitted, appalled.
"Kinda, but then I happened to hear snippets of you talking with your friends whenever you and your classmates came to my Restaurant and you just...Helped them. And I really liked that, that honesty of yours really amazed me," He said, unsure.
"Uh-hu?"
"Yes, you are blunt and say what you think without a care, you would curse and insult, but you would still cheer others all the same, your way! Normal people say 'You can do it!' and often not even believe it themselves, you instead would say 'Just get-up and do it, Fucker! You have what it takes!' and instead fully believe your friends can achieve their goal. I met rude and vulgar people, I even grew-up with one as a friend before we went separate ways, so I could tell that in your case there was a deep sense of caring buried deep under the Tough Attitude! I don't know why you hide it like that, but I can tell there is something sweet hidden under your brash tone." He explained.
"…"
"Too creepy?"
"No, no. Just...You say some fucking sweet things for somebody that doesn't want to woo me…" Rumi admitted, touched.
"Rumi."
"So to you I was rude, blunt and vulgar but with a hidden sweet and caring side?"
"Pretty much." The young Chef answered, chuckling unease.
"And all you saw of my Quirk was the ears?"
"That and I wondered how much a Rabbit based Mutation Quirk influenced your kicking power, your jumps, your hearing and maybe your Instincts. Bunnies are a kind of Prey Species so I may have wondered if it somehow gave you a sixth sense for danger or something." Izuku answered.
"That's it? Nothing else?"
"Yes? Back before living as Zaus I may have tried asking you a lot of questions about your Quirk and its application in Heroics, but after an entire life where I shelved my dream I just learned to keep questions to myself, to not look weird." He answered, shrugging.
"You do know I will answer every question you have, yes? You just need to ask."
"I know, I know. Don't worry."
"So you only had harmless questions in mind…"
"Rumi?"
"...Do you know what was the first thing they said when I admitted I wanted to be a Hero?" She answered with a small voice.
"You can do it?" Izuku answered, scrunching his nose in confusion.
"Huhuhu! Not everybody thinks like you do, Izu. They said 'Why? Something as pretty as you shouldn't do something so dangerous! Rabbits are not made to fight!'. Something, not somebody." She answered, frowning.
"Oh…"
"All my childhood...All the way to High School. They treated me like some frail little animal, and once the morons around me discovered their hormones, boys started looking at me waiting in trepidation for 'The Rabbit in me' to make me spread my legs because in Heat...I can count on the fingers of my goddamn hand the number of people that actually, really believed in me. For everybody else, I did not have the right Quirk for it, or just saw me as some easy lay...Surprisingly some girls too soon started hoping to get some action, as if I was more part animal than human." Rumi explained, face twisted in disgust.
"Why?"
"Stupidity, of course! Mutation Quirks are accepted only if they are pleasing to the eyes. Many still dream about having a Catgirl Girlfriend, or a Fox Girl Girlfriend...Or a Bunny Girl girlfriend, Quirks only turned that fantasy into reality. Same goes for women and animal Husbandos."
"I-I wasn't aware of this," Izuku admitted.
"Huhuhu, almost nobody is! God forbid people admit they are horny bastards...For fuck sake, there is no middle ground...Either your Mutation makes you into a living Sexual Kink, or you are a Freak Show! My aunt is more Bunny than me, and people constantly look at her in surprise at seeing a human-sized bunny walk on her hind legs! I lost count of the times she admitted to being jealous of me because besides ears and a fluffy tail I look human. Something that made me fall into the Kink category instead." She answered, sighing.
"That is why you snapped at that dwarf?" Izuku asked with a sorrowful expression.
"I can't even ride the bus, you know? I would get to school with my ass covered in pinch marks if I tried." She answered, ears low against her head.
"I can't imagine how annoying that must be."
"Very. Yeah I have a short temper, but that harassment doesn't help! They even act surprised if I get angry! As if I was supposed to just take it!"
"That's not fair."
"I KNOW!...And then I met you, I saw a kind and cute guy and decided to playfully try to flirt with you in a manner that many would have killed to see me do to them just to watch you squirm like they do, and instead you rejected me. Over and over. AT that point it had become a matter of pride: You had to fall for my charm so that I could then dash it, like it always happened. Except, you kept not falling for it."
"Because I saw it was just a joke to you, as you said. Though I won't deny I didn't feel it a bit, I never was the sort of guy girls find attractive, either as Izuku or as Zaus, so having a cute girl flirt with me for once, even as a joke, felt nice." He admitted, chuckling.
"Boy, you have no idea about your chances with girls!" Rumi thought, chuckling.
"But then you said it stopped being a game to you, why?"
"Because both in that small date we had and during the Enbu training, I could tell that you kept seeing Rumi instead of 'That hot piece of bunny ass I want to bang!'.
You talked with me while looking at me in the eyes, never leering and just kept doing lots and lots of other sweet little things with no expectations. How was I supposed to react besides deciding 'I want you'? I am no longer asking you to break-up with Momo, I finally made peace with the fact that she will stay by your side no matter what I said, but I want to stay at your other side too. It can work. Trust me!" She answered, taking his hand up and tenderly kissing the back of it while holding eye-contact with him.
"Rumi...I don't-"
"I have ten days to show you how nice it will be to have both me and Momo hanging from your arms, you can't escape." She answered with a wink just as a tall and burly woman brought them their food.
"God...Strong-willed women are a menace…" Izuku muttered in dismay.
"Bwahahaha! Yes we are, youngsters! Just accept she won't back down that easily. But give a pause to your Lovers' Quarrel and try this: My prized Herbal Roasted Pork leg!" The Inn Owner herself, Rosmerta, declared proudly while depositing between the two a long tray with an entire pig leg roasted to perfection and with a rich herbal scent framing the meat fragrance.
"This does look nice...Fuck, it taste good too!" Rumi admitted, impressed.
"It is good…" Izuku answered, eating with a more thoughtful expression.
"I am impressed you two are actually eating an entire pig leg instead, where do you put all that?" Rosmerta said with her eyebrows raised high.
"Me and my man have deep stomachs! Ha-ah!" Rumi answered, smirking, and filling her plate over and over.
"…"
"You okay, boy?" Rosmerta asked.
"Do you have dwarven beer?" Izuku answered.
"Uuh! Inspiration!" Rumi said, chuckling.
"Inspiration? For what?" The very muscular woman asked.
"A dish. A pork dish with beer." Izuku answered while studying the morsel of roasted pork in his hands.
"You are a cook?" Rosmerta asked, surprised.
"He is a Chef," Rumi corrected her, huffing.
"I have been sent here to look for some Ingredients, one of which is Dwarven beer, and was tasked with creating two dishes, or at the very least create a new version of two already existing recipes, using dwarven beer." Izuku answered.
"That may be a bit difficult then," The In Owner admitted, grimacing.
"Uh? Why?"
"AH! Because we Dwarves won't let our precious beer be used for cooking! Beer is meant to be a drink! Not wasted in a damn dish, boy!" A short and stout man with black hair and an extremely thick beard answered from a nearby table, and slapping its wood roughly enough the mugs of common beer on it almost toppled over.
"What ma brother said! You can't just walk here and ask a Dwarf to hand over their beer! It's for dwarves only!" the guy's brother, sporting similar appearances but with blond hair and beard, answered.
"So only a dwarf can drink dwarven beer? Why so?" Izuku asked with narrowed eyes.
"Because we say so, BOY! We be makin' that, so we decide who's drinkin' that!"
"….OOOH! It's because it sucks! That's why!" Rumi said out of the blue.
"WHAT!? HOW DARE YOU, LASSIE!?" Both Dwarf Twins shrieked as one with red faces.
"Rumi?" Izuku asked, confused.
"Now I see why they made it sound like your Mission would have been hard! Their beer must suck so badly that even you would have trouble creating a good dish with it!" She said, stealthily sending him a wink.
"Oooh! I see!" Izuku answered, catching on.
"YE SEE NOTHIN'!" Blond Dwarf roared.
"I send my apology to this World's Ingredients for what I am about to say, I don't mean it and it's just for the sake of this Mission…" Izuku took a deep breath and actually mentally apologised to that beer.
"There is no shame in making a bad beer, but being so prideful to hide it like this...Aren't you poisoning your race? I bet there are plenty of people that would gladly teach you how to make proper beer!" The young Chef said, and Rosmerta and every other patron present sucked-in a cold breath at the daring insult.
"YOU THINK WE CAN'T MAKE BEER!? AND TELL US TO ASK FOR SOME RANDOM SCHMUCK TO HELP US?!" The black bearded Dwarf shrieked in near madness.
"No matter how disgusting it is, we still need it, even if it tastes like shit," Rumi answered, shrugging.
"TASTES LIKE SHIT?! SAY THAT TO MY FACE! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU! I ∞ DARE YOU!" Blond Dwarf yelled while trying to jump Rumi, only for Whitey to grab him by the back of the neck and keep him high in the air for him to aimlessly wave his arms and legs around like an angry cat.
"If it's so good, show it! Bring some here and let my man use it for cooking and we'll see how good it is!" Rumi said.
"I was told that the beer made by Dwarves is extremely delicious, but unless I taste that personally, for me they will always remain rumours...Why forbid everybody from drinking it?" Izuku asked.
"Because nobody except a Dwarf can catch all the nuances of the taste, okay, boy? Drinking beer is not just filling your belly! It's tasting! Savouring! Enjoying it! It's not just some bog to get drunk on, it's an experience!" Black Haired Dwarf said, huffing annoyed.
"That's...That's a very beautiful thing to say," Izuku admitted.
"Thank you?"
"No, really! You want people to honour that Beer! And you have pride in it! That's good! Amazing even!" He said with shining eyes.
"Now yer praising us...Ya really want to try it, don't ya?" Blond dwarf said with a raised eyebrow while still being held up by Whitey big metallic hand.
"In all honesty? Yes. I promise I will do my best to make it justice, but even if you don't want anybody besides Dwarves to drink it, I will never stop asking until I get a chance to try this." Izuku answered, sighing.
"Well, you will keep askin' forever then! Dwarven beer is for Dwarves only!"
"...I will let you use my beer, boy. Show them what you want to make." Rosmerta said with narrowed eyes.
"You sure?!" Izuku asked, surprised.
"I have my own reasons to not like how dwarves hog their beer to themselves, and only a small part because I damn love drinking a cold one whenever possible and their own blend is the one I always wanted to try, but we can add to the pile me not liking how full of shit they are about it. Are you a good Chef?" She asked.
"I think so?" He answered.
"They call him King of Cooking back home." Rumi answered, rolling her eyes.
"Shhh!" Izuku hissed, embarrassed.
"That's one fancy title! Hahahahaha! Well, let this girlie put that to the test then! What did you plan to prepare had those two half-pints let you use their LEGENDARY Beer?" Rosmerta asked.
"HEY! THAT'S BODY SHAMING!" Both Twins yelled, but nobody cared.
Sigh! "Schweinshaxe…" Izuku answered, sighing, and saying that in perfect German.
"Gesundheit?" Rumi answered in absolutely mangled German.
"No, it means Roasted Pig Knuckle." Izuku answered, snorting amused.
"Knuckle? Pigs have fists now?" She asked.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA! No, little Viera! A Pig Knuckle is the meaty upper part of the leg...You want the ones from the rear legs, I bet. They are much bigger and meatier, after all." Rosmerta said with an amused tone soon turning thoughtful.
"Exactly, can I have those?"
"Hu-uh! I am currently smoking the ones from the front legs to make some ham hocks I will use for soup for tonight's dinner. You can have the hind legs, I still have not started treating those yet."
"Thank you!"
"Wait a bit, and I will bring them out. You others instead! Bring here everything he needs to cook in the main room! We'll use the old oven outside!" Rosmerta ordered her staff.
"Yes, Boss!" the young men and women answered as one.
Soon tables and random seats were moved aside to create an ample space for Izuku to cook, with the biggest tables accosted and covered in a thick, rough cover they then filled in utensils and pans of every size, along other cooking amenities, all this while an old oven right outside the Inn main room, easily accessible from a side door, went cleaned thoroughly and prepared to be turned on at the moments notice.
"Tables and pans ready! We have enough to cook for an army!" the girls said in chorus.
"Oven ready, we have enough wood to make it burn for a month straight!" The boys echoed soon after.
"Fast and precise, I Stole those guys from every Inn and kitchen I could find from here to Celestia Woods Town. Only the best." Rosmerta declared in pride and basking in the amazed looks of her guests at the absurd speed everything had been organised with.
"Impressive!" Izuku admitted.
"Yeah, it is!" Rumi added.
"I don't own the best damn Inn in this city for nothing! Here are the pig knuckles, just out from my Ice Room for a fortnight, so they are perfect for cooking. What kind of beer do you plan to use to cook these wonders?" The big buff woman asked.
She had put in the middle of the workstation a long wooden tray with six Pig Knuckles, positioned with the cut facing down and acting as a base for the conical meat cuts.
"They are perfect, yes! Now, for this recipe I will need a dark beer, please. Do you have any?"
"Dark beer, uh? No problem, as I promised, we'll use my own batch, I make it myself!" Rosmerta answered with a nod.
"Thank you! You are a life-saver, Miss Rosmerta!"
"You have no idea how much I worried about this Mission being a pain in the ass!" Rumi admitted, chuckling.
"Glad to be of help! Now, enough chit-chat! Show me your Skills, ma boy!" Rosmerta answered, chuckling with an expression faintly reminding both teens of All Might's infamous smile.
"Ready!" Izuku answered, moving behind the workstation while tying a green bandanna on his head, every guest keeping quiet and following his every move, especially the Dwarf Twins.
"So...Yes, I can confirm that the pig knuckles have been left out to dry just right, good.
The thing is fairly simple: I'll start by pricking the skin lightly with my knife, it will help turn it bubbly-crispy once cooked instead of coming out like a uniform flat sheet of hardened skin." Izuku said while using the Dragon Knife to poke lots of tiny holes on the skin of the knuckles with rapid and delicate movements, and making sure to not pierce the meat at all, only the skin.
"As a trick, I will use a few thin skewers to help keep the skin stretched and flat during the cooking by piercing them with two in a way that will form a cross. They will prevent it from shrinking and creasing when I will roast the knuckles slowly." He then said, showing the two thin ten-inches-long skewer needles offered by The System he prepared to pierce each pig knuckle all the way through.
"That knife is not normal…" Black Haired Dwarf muttered.
"Yeah, way too well-made to be used for cooking…" Blond dwarf answered, uncertain.
"Those will be useful later, though, for now I will take care of seasoning!" Izuku said, pleased, once washed every knuckle with clean water.
"I'll help you, what do you need?" Rumi asked.
"Let's see. Can you check if Miss Rosmerta has salt, pepper, juniper berries, caraway seeds, fennel seeds, garlic and vinegar she can share with us?" He asked.
"I have all that...Except those Caraway Seeds things," Rosmerta said with a scrunched nose.
"Host, this world calls that plant Snow Flower for its flower forming bunches similar to snowflakes." The System supplied.
"Ah! You call them Snow Flower seeds." The young Chef said aloud.
"You can use those for cooking?" Rosmerta asked, confused.
"You'd be surprised." He answered, chuckling.
"I can give you those! We own a flower shop and have all kinds of seeds!" A young girl said from a table nearby.
"Really!? Thank you!" Izuku answered with a grateful smile.
"I'll bring some immediately!" The girl answered while hurrying out of the Inn.
"Good! While we wait for those seeds, I will cut the garlic into slivers and stuff them in the shallow incisions I made in the exposed pork flesh and brush the vinegar on the meat part only, just a bit, enough to reduce the strong pork odour this cut of meat is prone to when roasting, as an insurance. The skin will be done later, during the High Heat Roasting step of the recipe." Izuku said while gently brushing each knuckle with a small quantity of vinegar.
"HERE ARE THE SEEDS!" The young girl from the flower shop yelled while barging inside the Inn main room, out of breath but with a big bundle of seeds safely kept in her hands.
"Perfect! Just in time, I will use those with the others to create a coarse powder to cover the Pork Knuckle! Thank you!" Izuku said while rapidly using a mortar and pestle to create said powder with the seeds, salt and pepper and the berries.
"Daamn, that powder smells goo-ACHOOO!"
"Bless you, Rumi-chan!" Izuku answered, laughing, and rubbing the Pork Knuckle in oil so that the powder would stick to it, and covering the knuckles completely: meat, skin and every crevice completely.
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, I took a whiff too close to the thing. What now?" Rumi answered with an objectively adorable pout.
"Now I will skewer them and leave them to 'Rest', it will let the seasoning seep into the meat and dry the skin." He answered, piercing the pork knuckles with two skewers each paying attention to have both needles pass as close as possible to the bone in a way that the two metal needles formed a cross.
"For how long?" Rosmerta asked.
"Until tomorrow, is it a problem?" Izuku answered.
"Not really, I will keep it in a corner of my ice room. What about you two? Up to wait until tomorrow?" She answered.
"We can wait no problem." Blond Dwarf answered, shrugging.
"Good things take time! And if we do this tomorrow, it means I can see if the guy managing the Brewery can come try this as well, if there is a guy that can tell if you can handle our beer, that's Thirstruil Goldbrewer himself."
"...Curious name, but thanks for the vote of confidence." Izuku muttered, unsure.
"I have a free room you can use, we will return the table to its old position and repeat everything tomorrow," Rosmerta said.
"Sorry about this, I should have told you in advance I needed a night of rest for the recipe." Izuku said, shy.
"It's partly my fault too, don't feel bad." The buff woman answered, giving his back a friendly slap that echoed loudly in the entire room and made even his bones rattle a little.
Later that night – Castle -
While Izuku and Rumi were enjoying the amazing dinner Rosmerta offered in her Inn, inside the castle ruling over the entire city with its immense size there was a more sombre air as the King of Men, ruler of every human territory in that world, was looking with grim eyes at the four men standing in front of him, all of them sitting at the same table to look at a miniature map of the lands under human control.
"The Kings of East, West, North and South salute the King of Men," The four men taking care of the four slices of human territories said as one and bowing to the man whose territories they managed.
"Raise. We have no time for formalities...So?"
"As we suspected, Zorod The Sky King has returned," King of the East said with a grimace.
"No!"
"How?"
"It was dead!"
The other kings gasped in horror at hearing those accursed words.
"Silence! Please explain." The King of Man asked.
"I am still looking into it, but we suspect a powerful Mage must have resurrected that monster with some forbidden Magic. The few that saw that dragon and survived, talked about the undead monster turning from animated bones to revived flesh once again eating the population of entire villages!" King of the East explained with a shudder.
"So those poor people have been used as a sacrifice to revive that monster. What now?" King of the North asked.
"What now? We kill that thing again! Just like our Ancestors did last time!" King of the West answered.
"Yes? How?" the other asked back with narrowed eyes.
"...Ehm...Eeeh…"
"Last time a Hero rose to face it with a group of trusted friends, dying heroically but ridding us of that infernal Dragon's reign of terror." The King of Men answered.
"Ah, yes! The old Prophecy Hero thing we do, we should even have a Prophecy in storage we can use to justify it." King of the North said.
"Sounded kind of authentic too, that helps!" King of the East answered.
"That's good and all, but do we have one of those Heroes at hand too?" King of the South asked.
"No. But we can make one…" The King of Men answered with a smug smile, throwing onto the table a stack of parchment sheets detailing a recent addition to the Royal Military Academy in Serena City.
"Make one?" King of the South asked while studying the young man's hand-drawn mugshot.
"Immense Mana Capacity and subpar brain, tell me he doesn't look like the ideal candidate to you." The King of Men said, chuckling darkly.
"Huhuhu! Indeed he is! So we groom him into our new Hero like usual?" King of the East asked.
"Legends always talk about a Hero of immense Power and an even greater sense of Justice rising to fight the forces of Evil, but let's be honest, at the end of the day, the former is what we actually need, the latter...Not so much. Unless you can talk a giant Dragon into not destroying the world." King of the North answered, perusing the abysmal test results of that candidate with a frown.
"Though a big enough sense of Justice makes them easier to guide." King of the East said.
"True, but this guy instead...Dumber than a sack of rocks…" King of the North muttered, impressed for all the wrong reasons.
"Dumb, Powerful and Lustful, my friends." The King of Men said.
"Lustful?" the other four chorused.
"Did a bit of digging, just in case. Rare instances of Powerful Mana capacities are "rare" for a reason, and absurd cases like his are literally something you see once every few hundred years. I would like to know how to use these sorts of resources."
"OOOH! You already planned something?" King of the South asked, eager.
"I did, but you can help me fine-tune it. What about this: I believe that if we send enough beautiful women his way to fill his head with praises and ideas of him reaching new heights of greatness then we won't even need to point him towards the Dragon, he will march to the beast by himself." The old man answered.
"Huhuhuhu! Yeees. I say we also give him some very specific training that will just happen to be what he needs to kill the Dragon Zorod. We have some fragments of knowledge dated to the last time the thing was around we can use." King of the West said.
"Exactly, and considering his love for shoving it into every female he finds, just promising him the greatest beauties of the land will already be a big enough incentive, Fame and Fortune will round it up adequately." King of the North added, humming.
"That is a good idea too. How long do we need to groom our Martyr?" The King of Men asked.
"Considering how dumb he is...I say three months at the very least. And that if we use hypnotic Magic to make him learn while sleeping." King of the East answered, frowning.
"Too long!" the others answered.
"Too long if unmotivated. Let him train one week, while continuously fueling his Ego and downplaying the Dragon's threat as much as possible, then make him face Zorod and make him escape barely alive...He seems to be extremely prideful, so the humiliation of losing against the Dragon will surely push him to actually do use some of that small brain of his and train harder for the rematch. After all, we just need him to kill that thing, not survive the encounter." The King of Men answered, thoughtful.
"Should work...We need some very expendable people though, good meat shields that will let him escape alive the first time." King of the North said.
"I will find somebody, have no fear." King of the East answered, shrugging.
"Good, we already have a good base to start from. Let's plan our Hero's training and noble sacrifice." The King of Men declared, pleased.
Indeed as it stood, thanks to The System's intervention, what would have been a pretty standard Isekai Trope will evolve in a more sinister way for that guy. Not that The Entity cared at all about it.
The next day – The Hanged Boar Inn – Main room -
Once again Rosmerta and her staff had prepared a workstation for Izuku to use by nearing to tables and had already turned on the oven right outside for him to use, the novelty of the scene was the third Dwarf that had accompanied the Twins, a dwarf with even broader shoulders but a very pointed chin hidden under his short pitch-black beard.
The new guy was at the moment looking at Izuku from head to toe with an unreadable expression.
"Take a picture, it will last longer," Rumi muttered, scoffing.
"Kyuun!" Shiro himself, at the moment perched on the girl's shoulder, added with a frown of his own.
"So you want to use our beer to make a dish, hn? And you swear you can actually use it well," The Master Brewer finally said, crossing his arms.
"I have faith in my abilities, that is why I am insisting, but I also know that I can't force you to hand it over just like that. So I will make this dish with Human beer this time, as a way to show you my own skills and let you decide if I can be permitted to do it again with Dwarven beer." Izuku answered.
"I see...And what Human beer will you use?" the dwarf asked.
"This one, my own personal creation! The famous Rosmerta's Maiden Dark Ale!" The buff woman answered, proudly slapping the big barrel next to her.
"Uhmm. Can I taste it?" Thirstruil asked.
"Okay? Why?" She asked back with narrowed eyes.
"Please trust me, Madam." He answered, actually using a civil tone.
"Fine. Here," She said, uncorking the small faucet at the bottom of the barrel to fill a pint she then handed to the guy.
"Thank you. Please allow me." he said, slowly and carefully savouring the offered drink.
"...This is some fine beer, woman. You know what you are doing," The Dwarf admitted once finished tasting the pint.
"So?"
"Young man, have a taste and tell me what you think." He then said, filling the pint again and handing it to Izuku.
"I am not really a drinker, but okay…" The young Chef said, emptying the thing in several measured gulps while tasting it.
"So?" The Master Brewer asked with his arms crossed while carefully studying Izuku's face intently.
"Let's see...Besides the pristine dark brown colour, it has an amazing full bodied feel that coats the mouth, faint taste notes of caramel and a warm aroma reminiscent of roasted nuts to the nose. As it stands, it's perfect for this recipe." Izuku declared with his eyes closed.
"…"
"What?" he asked once seen the surprised looks of the tasters.
"Hahahaha! All correct! Damn, boy! You got yourself a damn good tongue!" Rosmerta admitted with an amused laugh.
"How do you people feel all that when drinking?! I can only feel Beer!" Rumi asked with an angry frown while looking at her own mug.
"I can teach you, if you want, Rumi-chan!" Izuku answered, smiling.
"Yes, please! I wanna sound all fancy too when drinking!" She answered, chuckling.
"...I completely missed the nut smell thing…" The Blond Dwarf admitted with a whisper.
"Sssh! Don't admit a thing!" His brother answered while slapping the back of his head to silence him.
"All correct, both your judgement and how to drink it, you do know how to treat a beer…"
"Yes?" The Dwarf Twins asked with a tone of dread once seen the intense stare he levelled at them.
"Rubli, Dubli...Go to the Brewery and tell them I need a keg of...Dragon's Blood Ale. It should have similar taste notes to this one. And be quick." Thirstruil declared after some thinking.
"But!"
"NOW!" The Dwarf snapped.
"Yes, Boss!" the Twins answered in chorus while scampering away.
"So I can use dwarven beer?" Izuku asked, eyes wide in disbelief.
"I can tell when I am faced with somebody that respects their craft, you didn't shove the entire thing into your gut like a drunkard, you studied each sip, just like I do when brewing. So I want to give you one single chance. Do not waste it, or I will bury my axe so deep into your skull even the Gods won't be able to pry it out." The Dwarf answered.
"I won't disappoint you," Izuku answered, returning the stare just as hard.
"You better. Just be careful, Dwarven beer is very different from Human beer, it's not made for spineless drinkers." Thirstruil declared with a smug smirk.
"I will remember that too." Izuku answered, and barely five minutes later the two Dwarf Twins returned, carrying on their back a short but wide wooden barrel.
"Here it is! I just hope you know what you are doing, Boss!" Blond Dwarf said, huffing in fatigue.
"I do, but now it's all in the hands of this young human. Please, show me your skills, young man." The Master Brewer declared, respectfully stepping aside to let Izuku free reign over their barrel.
"Thank you, I will start immediately. The beer gravy is a fairly simple part of the dish, all things considered. We have our Dwarven dark beer, then juniper berries, bay leaves, some chicken broth, cornstarch from my personal reserves (You can use flour too, but in that case the gravy has a more cloudy look), sugar, salt, some garlic, a nice carrot and a big onion." The young Chef said while studying the spread of Ingredients he had amassed to the side.
"So you will blend them together or…" Rumi asked, unsure.
"Nope! First we take a big roasting pan, one deep enough for all the beer I will use…" He said, taking the crude-looking pan Rosmerta passed him.
"And once filled it with all the Ingredients for the gravy, making extra care to not let the beer make too much foam, we put a rack over it. And then the pig knuckles on the rack with the cut side face down…" Each pig knuckle was then carefully positioned over the rack making sure they all had some space between them.
"Why?"
"A bit of a trick: as the liquid under the meat boils, it will release steam that will keep the underside meat nice and moist, but without ruining the crispiness of the skin, since the knuckle skin is 'by design' at a sloped angle, the steam won't hit it. As a bonus, while this happens meat juices will drip down into the pan to add some meaty flavour to the beer gravy stock." Izuku answered, smirking.
"Sounds promising." Rosmerta admitted with an appreciative humming.
"Of course it's a matter of balance, I don't want too much 'Meaty flavour' to be added, so caution is a must." He answered, putting the whole thing into the oven to slow-roast it.
"...How long will it take?" Rumi asked.
"On average two or so hours, pork knuckle is not very fatty or rich in connective tissue, so it can't cook for too long or parts of it will lose juiciness and become hard."
"Two hours?!" Rumi yelled in horror.
"Wanna play dice, lass? We have cards too." The Twin Dwarves offered.
"Only a friendly game, no money bet." The Master Brewer added.
"...Fine..." She answered, sighing in dismay.
"Sorry, Rumi-chan!" Izuku said, sheepish.
"It's okay, just promise me it will be so damn good you will kick their ass,"
"It will, promise!" He answered.
"Good!"
Two hours later -
"Ready!" Izuku finally declared after having checked the knuckles at regular intervals to turn them around and check on both the meat state of cooking and the broth under it.
When he finally took the knuckles out of the oven, everybody saw how the skin had turned into a gorgeous caramel-brown colour while being soft and rubbery, but very dry.
"Doesn't look very crispy, yet." Rosmerta said, unsure.
"This is just the first stage. The skin needs to be soft for now in order for the crackling bubbles to form when I will put them back into the oven at a very high temperature. If the skin is crispy at this stage, those lovely bubbles can't form and the recipe, while still good, will be a failure." Izuku answered, sighing in relief at seeing the meat being in optimal conditions, as he hoped.
"Bubbly crispy pork skin, that sounds very nice!" Thirstruil muttered with an eager tone.
"Oh! You'll see! Now...I will move the knuckles to a separate set of trays, and increase the oven temperature to around 260 degrees (500 F). In the meantime I will brush the knuckles' skin with a tiny bit of vinegar, that will evaporate quickly enough to not ruin the crispiness, but slow enough to take the edge off from the skin's smell."
"And the Gravy?" Rosmerta asked.
"The liquid in the pan has reduced enough, while the high-temperature roasting happens, I will also work to thicken the gravy." The young Chef answered, and once the oven became super-hot like he needed, he moved the knuckles inside.
"How long?" Rumi asked, worried, while also cleaning the table again of the peanuts they were using in place of money, all for the Twins' despair at their losing yet another big chunk of their capital to her.
"Thirty minutes, have no fear, we are almost done." Izuku answered with a reassuring tone.
He was skillfully dividing his attention between the blast-roasting knuckles, rotating the trays and brushing them with vinegar, and the gravy he was working on...Then he had a brainwave.
"Since the gravy is on the easy side, I will also work on a side dish, since I did manage to get my hands on some Dwarven beer. I will make some Beer-Caramelised Onions. I hope you don't mind." The young Chef declared with a pleased smile.
"Beer-" Blond Dwarf started saying.
"Caramelised?" Black haired Dwarf finished saying, both with starry eyes.
"Since I got my hands on Dwarven beer! What a shameless Human you are! Hahahaha!" Thirstruil admitted with a loud laugh.
"Maybe a bit, yes, but it will taste delicious, let me show you!" Izuku answered, chuckling.
Grabbing some big yellow onions, the young Chef rapidly sliced them thin while waiting for the butter on a side skillet to melt and become hot enough, then he mixed together the Dwarven beer with some salt and brown sugar, then added the onions for a first round of cooking.
"Jesus Christ...This scent is a torture…" Rumi admitted with a low voice when the beer mixture was added to the onions, and cursing the Food Immersion training Izuku was giving her for turning her stomach into a bottomless pit always craving for food.
"Almost there, be patient. Now I lower the heat...And keep stirring until the liquid part reduces and coats the onions…" he muttered, adding some flecks of chilies and a dash of pepper for extra taste, and stirring everything every so often, just enough to make the onions brown, but not burn, and at the same time he started preparations for the beer sauce that will adorn the pork knuckles: the Beer Gravy.
About the Beer gravy, while waiting for the knuckles to finish becoming heavenly crispy, Izuku recovered the remaining broth that had been boiling under the meat and strained it, setting the resulting liquid up to boil and slowly adding cornstarch to it until thickened into a syrup-like consistency, once ready he then poured it into several cups that will adorn every portion of the knuckles.
"Plates!" Rosmerta barked at her staff.
"Yes, Boss!" her workers answered immediately, and a long row of plates went rapidly set in front of the young Chef.
"Hell yeah! I am so ready!" Rumi said, actually sounding excited.
"Oh! Me too, young lady! Me too!" Thirstruil admitted, chuckling.
"Good thing everything is ready, then!" The young Chef answered, chuckling.
When he finally removed the trays from the oven, the resulting scent bomb blasted the entire Inn as soon as he brought the food inside.
"This is our brew! Can you feel it, brother?! That kid actually did it!" Blond Dwarf said in awe.
"Yeah, the scent of our beer, I could recognize it everywhere!"
"Yes, the smell is good, no question, but we still need to taste it to see if our friend here actually did a good job and handled our beer properly." Thirstruil answered, still impressed, but still looking at the pork knuckles with narrowed eyes.
"Don't be a spoilsport! So? Can we eat them now?" Rumi asked.
"Not yet, sorry. I need to let them rest for around fifteen minutes to let the meat juices redistribute properly and avoid them running everywhere while eating."
"Aaaw!"
"It will be worth it, girlie! Trust your man, we Chefs know our shit!" Rosmerta answered, snorting amused.
"Thanks for waiting, you can eat now. Please enjoy your meal!" When Izuku finally delivered the assembled plates, Rumi, Rosmerta and the three dwarves seemed even too eager to try the dish he made.
Each plate had a big pool of gravy in the middle, and on top of it rested a single pork knuckle, following the traditional plating method of the dish, then there was Izuku's own additions: to the side there was a nice mound of caramelised onions and at the opposite side of it a small cup holding the remaining gravy just in case the eater wished to add more.
"Well, nice looks nice, but let's try the taste!" Rosmerta said, picking the entire thing up with just two fingers and popping the entire thing in her mouth.
"Eats like an Orc…" Rubli, the blond dwarf, muttered.
"And punches like one too, bro. Careful." his brother muttered in answer.
Crunch!
The perfectly-made, crispy pig skin produced a sharp crunching sound at the very first bite the taster gave to their own portion, then came to juicy, tender pork meat with its flavour framed heavenly by the beer that had boiled under it and the spices mixture used to marinade it, and the gravy...So thick, and creamy, coating the mouth and still preserving the original beer flavour at the forefront with the other spices faintly prickling the nose and tongue…100% Köstlich!
( It means Delicious. IF my German is not too rusty.)
"Fucking hell!" The two Twins yelled in chorus.
"Young man...How?" Thirstruil asked, speechless.
"Your beer is just too good, that's how!" Izuku, too, enjoying his portion immensely, answered with a pleased smile.
"Bwahahahaha! That it is! But you are not too bad either, young man!" Thirstruil answered, releasing a thundering laugh and slapping Izuku's back over and over.
"Thanks," The young Chef answered, showing a small smile.
"Congratulations to Host Izuku for creating the first Beer-based Dish! Well done." The System declared with a small jingle, a message both Travellers heard.
"One Dish down. Now we need another and then hunting those two Kings, we can do this!" Rumi said with a sigh of relief.
"We can do this, have faith," Izuku said.
"I believe in you, don't worry! How hard can it be?" She answered, laughing.
At the Same time – Endless Forest – Capital of the Elven Kingdom -
The Capital of the Elven kingdom had been quite literally carved out of the woods of a massive forest, each one of the immense trees had been groomed into growing alcoves in which they then built their houses.
In the middle of the forest, built by growing four of those massive trees in a way that made their giant bodies twist around each other like four coiling snakes, stood the "Castle" where the King of the Elves lived and ruled from.
The throne room itself was a true work of art: every square inch covered and further decorated in mosaics, paintings and dazzling creations of silver and crystal, so many in fact, that not a trace of the original tree wood could be seen.
And sitting on the intricate throne of pure-white marble styled to resemble a majestic tree, Lologa the King of Elves sat, listening intently to his liaison in the human territory.
"As we expected, the King of the Sea, Sor, is finally about to lay its egg, in a week if our experts are right." the Elf kneeling in front of the King said as close to his report.
"Huhuhu-HAHAHAHAHAHA! Finally! It's finally time for Elves to reclaim their rightful position and rule over every other race! We must have that egg!" Lologa declared with a loud, deranged laugh.
"It won't be easy, my King...Unless…"
"Yes?"
"Remember that Prophecy we discovered was just meaningless blabbering of a drugged fool?"
"Yes?"
"What if we turn it into a real one?" The Elf said with a sinister smile.
"Oh-Oooh! We like this, tell us more!" The King of the Elves said, smile just as evil.
"If I may be so bold...I believe that if we find a gullible enough human, a female one like implied by the "Prophecy", and tell them that they are some sort of Chosen One, we may turn her into a good bait to distract that Giant Kraken long enough for us to steal its egg as soon as it is laid."
"So you want to arm a campaign to turn that human into a Chosen One, and?"
"The Mermen treat Sor as their God, should they learn that A filthy ground dweller, as they call whoever does not live in the Ocean like they do, is on a crusade to kill their God, we'll have a full-scale War between Humans and Mermen,"
"And the Humans will instead think that the Mermen are finally attacking them and the Dwarves to appease their racial hatred...Thus causing enough chaos for us to sneak in and steal the Egg! Perfect!" The King of Elves said with a very pleased tone.
"Thanks, my King. Humans love their Chosen Ones shtick, it shouldn't be too hard to convince them whoever we choose is one."
"Indeed! Contact our spies. If some of our agents leak that Prophecy and start the rumour that we are looking for that Female Hero among them, they will likely try to steal her from us."
"It will be done, sir."
"Good, at the same time, make sure those fish-people learn of her identity as well, and of the "Secret" human plan for killing their Kraken God. We need them to start attacking any human settlement close to the sea as soon as possible, and then make sure their war against the humans only truly starts just as the Kraken is about to lay its egg, it will be the moment the beast will be the weakest, thus easier for us to kill to get the egg."
"Of course, my King. I will immediately move to find a suitable candidate for that Heroine role." The kneeling Elf answered.
"Be quick, we only have seven days to organise this, we must obtain the Kraken egg!" The King of the Elves declared, frowning.
"I'll go immediately, my King!" the Elf answered before hurrying away as fast as he could.
"…"
"...The Sky King Egg and the Sea King Egg, once obtained both, we will have two invincible monsters under our control to rule this world...Are you sure your Rebirth Ritual fully resurrected it?" The Elf King asked once only he alone remained in the throne room.
"Huhuhuhu! The Dark Arts are far more Powerful than you others give them credit for! After eating all those people, the great Dragon has truly been reborn, and with another small Ritual, you will have its egg to grow a new one. Just as I promised you."
From the shadows a human walked out to get closer to the throne, a man with extremely pale skin, sunken face and blood-red eyes, a Human looking more similar to a skeleton covered by a thin layer of dry old skin than a normal man, and covered in filthy, tattered black robes.
"Why does a Necromancer need to resurrect that dragon?" the Elf King asked.
"Huhuhu! I have a score to settle with the King of Men, and if in order to do this I need to side with the Elves for the materials needed for my Ritual, so be it! I will get to see that accursed Castle crumble in flames and everybody in there get burned to ashes, and you get the dragon egg, everybody wins! ME especially! Bwahahahaha!" The Necromancer answered with a wheezing, coarse laugh.
"Just remember our deal. We helped you resurrect the Sky King, now it's your turn to bring us the Egg."
"Sure! We Necromancers may have a bad reputation, but we still know the importance of not screwing over who we have a deal with. After all, if I do a good job, who says you won't be my Sponsor again in exchange of a Ritual or two? Huhuhuhu!" The skeleton-like man answered.
"We will keep that in mind. Are you sure you can speed-up the eggs growth once we recover them both?"
"That will be very easy, barely an inconvenience! I'll just need to sacrifice a hundred humans or two to achieve that, it takes lots of Life Force to do it, after all."
"Hn! Humans are far too many, nobody will notice if a few disappear. Just tell us when that Ritual is ready and our soldiers will gather the needed Ingredients. Goddess forbid they finally are useful for something." The King answered, unfazed.
"Of course, I will alert you as soon as I am ready, you just call me when you will have both eggs and we will start immediately." The Necromancer answered.
"Sure, sure. Now go, I have other pressing matters to attend to."
"As you wish...Your Majesty. Bwahahahahaha!" The man answered with a mocking tone, disappearing from the room by seemingly melting into the shadows and then fading away.
"Hn! Filthy human, depraved just like every other member of that race! It doesn't matter, he too will be cleansed once we have finished growing our Dragon and Kraken! Only a matter of time!" The Elf King declared to himself haughtily as he walked out of the throne room.
That night – Serena City – Inn -
Izuku had been sleeping far too well in his bed, all things considered, and that must have been why he then suddenly felt Rumi climb under his covers to hug him and bury her face in the back of his neck.
"I had a nightmare…" The girl muttered.
"...Is it true?" He asked.
"Yes. Honest."
"…"
"Just for this night, please."
Sigh! "Okay, just, don't try anything. Please." The young Chef answered, sighing.
"Thank you…" Rumi answered with a low voice, and actually fell asleep right after.
"…" Izuku simply released a long breath as he tried to return to sleep himself without being distracted by the soft breathing of the cute girl behind him…
And hating himself for slightly enjoying the warmth she exuded and the faint scent of her skin and especially of her hair when the wind coming from the open window managed to let a strand of it land on his cheek.
"Love...you…" Rumi muttered in her sleep while tightening her hug ever so slightly.
Why did his heart have to speed-up whenever she said that?...Why?…
Those were his final thoughts before finally succumbing to sleep once again.
Kind of unsure about the last line...Should I leave it? Should I remove it?
Next Chapter will have the Hunt for the two Kings and the closure of the Mediaeval Fantasy Arc! Thank you for reading!
And now: Omake time!
Dimensional Ingredient Hunting Series:
Hungarian Horntail steak! A ' Magical' Taste!
When Izuku and Nejire saw the light of the teleportation array fade away, they found themselves on the border before a very picturesque small Village seemingly stuck hundreds of years back in the past, if one looked at the style of the buildings and the dresses of the people around.
"Well, this is different!" Nejire said, amused.
"Quite a bit, yeah. Maybe we should ask for directions in that pub, what do you think?" Izuku asked, entering the first store they found.
"Oooh! A real English Pub! I always wanted to visit one! Let's go! Let's go!"
"Huhuhuhu!" The girl's excitement never ceased to amuse the young Chef, one of the many reasons he loved her.
Creak!
The door creaked faintly as they opened it, catching the attention of the owner who immediately turned around to look at the strange two visitors entering his Pub.
"...Yes? What do you need?" The burly old man behind the counter asked.
"Good evening, I need help finding a Hungarian Horntail. Whatever that is. Can you help me?" Izuku asked in proper English with only a very faint accent.
"…" Aberforth fell into stricken silence once heard the absurd question.
"Sir?" Nejire asked.
"Sorry, sorry. That was just a wee bit too sudden, unfortunately I don't have a dragon with me, BUT! I know just the guy you could ask for help!" The Pub Owner answered with his most convincing smile.
"Really?! Thank you!" Izuku answered with a very grateful tone.
"Tell you what, my boy! I will even call you a carriage to go there! No need to walk all the way up to that old castle on foot!" Aberforth shamelessly added.
"Oh! Thank you! You are very gentle!" Nejire answered.
Call it a businessman's sixth sense, but Abe could smell bullshit from a mile away, and those two had said Sixth Sense scream in pure Horror as soon as they entered, and as any good Big Brother, Abe was more than eager to shove this huge pile of bullshit on his younger brother Albus' shoulders.
After all, wasn't that what younger brothers existed for?
Later that day – Fancy old castle – Great Hall -
"Bloody Dragons...For the love of Merlin's wrinkly nut-sack...Can't I have ONE single year without problems? Just one! As a breather!" a young man moaned in misery with his face glued to the table.
"Four in a row is worrying, yes," The girl sitting with him answered while patting his back.
"I get it that I have a Dark Tosser Evil Wizard out to get me...But you would think he has other things to worry about besides making my life miserable. Like planning how to Conquer the World or something." He said, shoulders shaking a bit in barely withholding the need to cry.
"To be fair, Harry, I too would be angry at you if I lost my physical body to remain as an angry ghost because of you." The girl answered.
"I was six months old...I could hardly avoid filling my diaper, it's not my fault whatever he did bounced back and kind-of-killed-him! You think he will forgive me if I apologise?" He asked.
"I believe that if he is still mad after fourteen years, he will stay mad at you until either you die or he does."
"Hermione!"
"Just laying it bare, don't curse the Messenger!" The girl answered, raising both hands in a peaceful manner.
"...Dragons, Mione...Dragons!" Harry said, whining.
"I know, I know. We'll figure something out, as always. I am the brain, and you the brawn, I am sure that if we work together we'll pull through this year too...Then we'll transfer to another school. Possibly under fake identities." Hermione said.
"Some place warmer? And with an ocean between us and this godforsaken island?" Harry asked, hopeful.
"I am sure Padfoot will be open to help us find a nice cosy school in the Caribbean territory, nothing wrong in a couple of young Lovers jumping ship if the dung hits the fan too often." she answered.
"My girlfriend in a swimsuit...I like that...Wait! If you are the Brain, and I am the Brawn...What the heck was Ron?"
"The Comedic Relief Party member." She answered, shrugging.
"...So we choose a bad one?" he asked.
"We can't be blamed, he was the first to apply for the role. After this insane Tournament we can see if a better one can join us. I was considering either Luna or Neville." Hermione answered.
"Good candidates, they have both moments of courage and of silliness...Can you fix an appointment to interview them?" Harry said.
"I'll see what I can do, dear." She answered.
"Awesome, thanks honey."
Meanwhile – Teachers Table -
While the two friends/Lovers plotted, basically alone against the entire school AGAIN, the Headmaster of the place was silently listening-in to their and the other conversations at the giant tables filling the room, one of the perks of being The Boss of the school.
"Transferring to the Caribbeans...Can't blame them, even I had not a single quiet year here, neither as a student or as a Headmaster...Maybe the idea HAS merit...Is not like Tom has made it worth the effort. As soon as I find what is keeping him alive, I am faking my death and leaving! I already have the body double and cool coffin and location for the funeral ready!" Albus thought, already planning a way to shove that massive pile of bullshit on young Harry's shoulders before leaving.
Wasn't that what Chosen Ones are around for?
Curiously, his personal Spy Master and Potion Teacher was planning the same, faking his death, he just planned to move to Australia instead of the Caribbeans.
Luckily any other burst of bitching from the two Guest Headmasters from fellow schools that had joined Albus' for that accursed Tournament ("Fuck you, Cornelius." Albus thought) stopped when the security wards were not just breached, but the school itself literally opened those by itself to let in two Guests that would normally be kept out.
"Is this how it feels to get cucked?" Albus muttered, kind of hurt, at feeling his own school let two people in without even asking his opinion.
"What's wrong?" His beloved, if strict, Deputy Headmistress asked in dread, having already guessed more trouble was about to be added to the pile.
"We have important Guests coming, apparently...A Muggle and...Something Else, the latter especially seems to be important since they have been flagged as a VIP important enough I was cut off from any attempt at denying them access to the school."
"Something else?" Filius asked, intrigued.
"I can tell that the wards do not register them as Human or Magical even...But I am not getting a picture of what they are, only the alert that they are Important, with a very big I." Albus answered.
"That iz...Very sinister." Maxine, Headmistress from Beauxbatons admitted.
"Wands out…" Karkaroff from Bulgaria suggested with a low voice, and as one every adult at the table silently took hold of their wands and felt their muscles tense.
"Prefects...If I give the order, upturn the tables and have the students use them as a cover while leaving the Hall in an ordinate manner…" Albus whispered, and only a few selected Students heard his message, and they too immediately tensed, ready for action.
Thump! Thump! Thump!
To everybody's surprise HEAVY steps resounded outside the room, soon silencing the entire Hall until the doors were opened wide by a tall robot with a chubby belly and a big round bald head adorned just by two white eyes.
"Thank you, Whitey." Soon followed by a young male voice as a young man with fluffy green hair and dressed in green Chef attire walked in accompanied by a tall girl and said robot behind him.
"Is that...Is that a bloody robot?! A real one?!" A student muttered in awe as the strange group walked towards the table.
"That's an Automaton, created by Magic...It must be!" Another student tried saying.
"…"
"Luna?" A girl with red hair and blotchy cheeks said, worried.
"...That is The Lord of Hunger and Greed he has around his neck as a Pet...How?" the normally dreamy-eyed girl said with a faint voice full of horror once seen the Ancestral Taotie Shiro around Izuku's neck.
"The Lord of what now?"
Meanwhile -
Everybody watched the strange trio walk up to the big teachers' table, and listened with held breath as the young Chef cleared his throat to address the Headmaster.
"Good Evening, sorry for the interruption, but I was told I could ask you for help," Izuku asked with an apologetic tone.
"So this is a magic castle? Cool!...And awfully humid." Nejire said while looking at the ceiling mirroring the sky outside in wonder.
"Yeah, this place is Magical and all, but they really refuse to address the humidity issue here, that's sadly true." A girl in green robes answered, sighing in dismay.
"Who told you to find me, if I can ask?" Albus asked back.
"A certain Aberforth, from a Village not too far from here." He answered.
"OF COURSE He told you to ask me for anything...Bloody arse." The old man muttered.
"What?"
"Nothing, nothing. But with whom do we have the pleasure to talk?" Albus asked, and as soon as he tried peeking inside the duo's minds he got a PAINFUL stabbing sensation, almost snapping his brain in two.
"NO MIND READING! OKAY! DULY NOTED!" he mentally shrieked in pain.
"Nice to meet you, sir! My name is Izuku Midoriya, and this is Nejire Hado-"
"His girlfriend! Well, one of four, but his girlfriend all the same!" Nejire said with a wink and a thumbs up, always happy to say that to enjoy people's reaction to that small detail.
"FOUR BLOODY GIRLFRIENDS!? NO WAY!" And as she hoped for, several boys yelled as one in shock.
"One was not enough, he is tireless," She added, enjoying the feeling of twisting the knife in the wound.
"WHAAAAAAAT!?"
"Yes, yes. Forgive her, she enjoys teasing people about it," Izuku said, sighing and yet showing a very red face.
"Reminds me of my cousin Jacques, he does the same about his two husbands," Maxine answered, looking at Izuku with some form of sympathy.
"And do tell me, Mister Izuku, to what do we owe your visit to our school?" Albus asked.
"Yes, you see, my Sponsor sent me here to look for an Ingredient. I am a travelling Chef, and sometimes I am sent here and there to collect specific Ingredients for my training. Since the one I was asked to find is kind of difficult to come-by, apparently, I asked around...And they told me to ask you for help." Izuku answered, and Albus noticed the strange way he said 'Here and there', and properly filed that for later.
"Where are you from then?" Minerva asked.
"Ah, Japan, madame." Izuku answered.
"They sent you all the way to England for an Ingredient?" The old Scottish woman asked, shocked.
"I have been sent even farther, Madame...Way farther." He answered, sighing.
"I am sure they have only your best interest at heart, Mister Izuku." She answered.
"I know they mean good, they just show it in very curious ways." He admitted.
"And what, pray tell, is this Ingredient?" Severus asked with a cold tone.
"Oh! It's called Hun-"
Before he could answer, several short humanoid beings with long pointy ears appeared in front of him and Nejire, all kneeling in reverence while the oldest one, dressed in old-looking chef clothes walked slightly forward towards him before kneeling down.
"We's not worthy, God of Cookin'!" The old House Elf bellowed with a worshipful tone.
"WE'S NOT WORTHY!" the army of elves behind him yelled as one as well.
"Eh?" Even Albus was seemingly caught by surprise.
"...Ah...You know as well? And I am just a Candidate, not yet the real deal." Izuku asked, sighing.
"Me's Rapsy, Lord of Cooking! Me and Elves' been foretold your arrival and have been preparin' to assist you for yearses!" The Old Elf said, and as one he and the others stood to attention.
"Rapsy, dear...What in the name of Merlin is happening?" Albus asked, taking away his glasses to massage his eyes and really, REALLY wishing he had some whiskey at hand.
"It's a long story, sir." Nejire answered, snorting in amusement at the entire mess.
"We's meeting the God of Cooking, Headmaster sir! The Great Lord of Food!" Rapsy answered.
"Herald of True Taste!" another Elf said.
"Master of Cooking!" another added.
"Bringer of True Flavour!" a fourth said.
"Chosen by the Ingredients!" yet another Elf said, all of them speaking with almost Religious fanaticism.
"King of Chefs!" That had Izuku's eyebrows raise up a bit out of familiarity.
"...Pretty much…" Izuku answered with a groan, and to his surprise a cup of tea appeared in his hands.
"Oh...Neat…Thank you." He muttered while drinking.
"Anything for Lord of Cooking!" Rapsy said.
"...I was not aware of such a thing," Karkaroff admitted.
"Not many are. Usually very old, powerful, or silly-looking people know about it," Nejire answered.
"Well, if you are so important, what Ingredient can you possibly hunt for?" Severus asked.
"Dragons. One called Hungarian Horntail to be precise." Izuku answered.
"…." Stricken silence fell once again in the Hall.
"You want to cook a dragon?" Minerva asked, while Hagrid next to her fainted in very dramatic horror, hand to his temple and all, with his giant body hitting the floor with a thundering boom.
"Not the first time I do it," Izuku answered with a shrug.
"Dragons are edible?" Pomona muttered.
"Wasn't aware they were." Flitwick answered.
"While true that Hungarian Horntails are not exactly an endangered species, since only a fool would have anything to do with them, we don't have them here in England." Albus answered.
"I was told I would have found one here, with her eggs." Izuku admitted with a helpless smile.
"...How many people know about them? Is it really so hard to keep a secret here?!" Albus said with a whine while burying his face in his hands.
"Still, we can't really just give it to you!" Karkaroff said.
"...Want to make a bet about it?" Izuku said with narrowed eyes.
"I am listening," The Bulgarian Headmaster said.
"I will cook dinner for everybody here, ALONE, with no help. IF I can deliver enough food for everybody in the normal time needed for these small gentlemen to do it, YOU will cover the purchase of the Dragon...Otherwise I will do it out of my own pocket." Izuku said.
"An Horntail is not exactly something you can buy, boy!" Maxine said.
"Want to join the bet then, Madame?" Nejire answered.
"It's illegal to own a dragon in England." Minerva said.
"Not on the small Island I use as a storage room for my Restaurant." Izuku answered with a cheeky smile.
"Unfortunately, buying a dragon for a private reserve is not illegal, even if they use them for Ingredients. Even if usually that means Potions Ingredients." Severus confirmed with a bitter tone.
"So we have a deal?" Izuku asked.
"You are on!" Both Karkaroff and Maxine said as one.
"I have a bad feeling about this…" Albus said, sighing.
"Wonderful! Please, Mister Rapsy, can you show me the way to the kitchens?" Izuku asked.
"RAPSY WILL! RAPSY WILL BE HONORED!" The old Elf said in awe.
"We's be quiet and learn from you, Great God of Cookin'!" The other House Elves answered as one, all of them leaving the room with Izuku for the kitchen while Nejire, with Shiro curled around her neck, sat at one of the tables with Whitey standing behind her.
"Is this seat free?" She asked.
"Sure, as you can see, they seem eager to leave us alone." Hermione asked.
"Thanks! Why are they avoiding you two?" she asked.
"I was added to a very dangerous and very deadly Tournament against my will, but unfortunately everybody here seems to think I cheated my way in willingly…" Harry answered with his face still glued to the table top.
"That's harsh," Nejire said, grimacing.
"You have no idea…" He answered, sobbing.
"Will your boyfriend manage that insane bet? He is basically cooking for three entire schools by himself!" Hermione asked.
"Oh, Icchan can do that in his sleep, he has super cooking powers." Nejire answered, idly rubbing Shiro's belly to pass the time.
"…"
"Come on, ask." she said, smirking.
"What animal is that?! I never saw anything like it!" Hermione asked.
"Oh! This is Shiro-kun! Izuku's companion. He is a Taotie." Nejire answered, and a student of Chinese descent shrieked in horror.
"YOUR BOYFRIEND TAMED A DARN TAOTIE?!" Su Li yelled with pure disbelief.
"That's not a Taotie...That's The First Taotie...He-Who-Birthed-Greed…" Luna said with a whisper of voice.
"The Correct term would be Ancestral Taotie, child. But yes, that is me." Shiro answered with a deep, cultured voice, while still getting belly rubs and purring contently.
"Sorry, Sir!" Luna yelled in answer.
"It talks too...Must be immensely powerful too…" The Chinese student said with a weak voice and looking very close at fainting.
"You scared them, Shiro-kun, that's not very nice." Nejire said, tutting.
"Kyuuun!" Shiro answered with a long and objectively adorable whine, hoping to not have the woman of his Partner suggest a decrease in portion of his beloved ribs in punishment.
"I will leave to Icchan the punishment." She answered.
"...You too have a life far from normal, uh?" Harry asked.
"I find it entertaining, I never got bored ever since I started dating Icchan!" Nejire answered, laughing.
"Ehm...He really has four girlfriends? Are you not mad?" Lavender asked.
"Why? I was the one suggesting and helping his first girlfriend organising the Love Pentagon! And honestly, he really blasts through all of us when he is in the mood. I thought Momo-chan was exaggerating when she said he is insatiable, but really, once he gets going, there is no stopping him until we four drop unconscious. But we are getting better at holding up! Ochako-chan even managed to not drop unconscious after round fifteen last time!"
"Fifteen rounds...I-In total?" The overwhelmed girl asked.
"Hahahahaha! Oh no, fifteen times for each one of us!" Nejire answered, amused.
"Holy Merlin!" Lavender yelled in shocked awe.
"Well, it seems like Icchan will be occupied until tonight at dinner, I wonder how to pass the time until then." Nejire said.
"We can show you around, beats brooding or brainstorming about how to fight a dragon as a measly fourth year student," Harry suggested, sighing.
"Yes, maybe a walk will help me come up with a plan, are you up for it?" Hermione said.
"Oh! Tourism! I like that! Let's go, Whitey!" she answered.
"Understood."
"And you think I will let a dirty Muggle stink-up the place?" A snobbish-looking blond boy said with a sneer.
"Who's the guy?" Nejire asked with a whisper.
"Malfoy, a bigoted, racist moron with a very rich daddy and zero brain." Hermione answered.
"How dare you?!" The guy said while whipping out a wand.
"He does look unpleasant," Nejire admitted.
"Silence, you dirty unevolved whore!" The guy yelled loud enough his words echoed in the room.
"…"
"...Apologise." Nejire said.
"I don't apologise to inferior beings! Get on your knees if you want to be useful, that's what my father says your Kind is all that is good for."
"…" Many did not know where to look, embarrassed at hearing such foul words.
"Suit yourself. Whitey? Go." Nejire said.
"Understood." Whitey said, grabbing the kid's wand and crushing it into splinters, then he grabbed the front of the boy's clothes and lifted him off the ground.
"Drop me you dirty-"
"Troublemakers will be stripped as an example to others!" Whitey declared.
"...What?" many asked, confused.
SLAP! STRIIIIP!
"…" Everybody watched in horrified silence as the fourth year boy was bitch-slapped by the robot so hard he flew at the opposite side of the Hall just in some crude-looking middle-age version of the modern boxers, and unconscious. The rest of his clothes had remained in the tight grip of Whitey's hand.
"...GET HIM!" Even later, nobody could tell WHO started it, but soon every student and teacher and the three Headmasters started assaulting Whitey in spells, and the robot merely went Red Eyes Mode and returned the assault…
Five minutes later, exception made for Harry, Hermione, Luna, Neville, Ginny and the two Twins Fred and George (All of them huddled in a corner of the Hall hiding behind a VERY NERVOUS Harry) and of course Nejire, everybody else had been slapped and stripped down to their unmentionables, with the majority of their wands having been snapped as well.
Although Harry was secretly wondering why hearing Cho Chang, his former crush, scream 'Yamete!' in her native Language aroused him that much.
"Is there anybody else up to cause trouble?" Whitey, unscathed, asked while scanning the room with his red eyes.
"No, Sir!" MANY answered as one while covering themselves.
"...Why was I stripped too? I was trying to calm the others! I swear!" Albus said while transfiguring himself a plain set of robes to hide the psychedelic rainbow-tie-dyed boxers he wore, a souvenir from his visiting Woodstock back in the days.
"Whitey leaves nothing to chance. So? Shall we go?" Nejire asked.
"YES! This way please!" Hermione immediately answered, gesturing for her and the crazy robot to follow, she and the rest of the still-dressed group following suit and leaving a wide berth to the psycho robot as he passed close to them.
"…"
"...WHO THE HELL CREATES A ROBOT TO DO THAT?!" A Muggleborn asked with a shriek.
"A God of Cookin' does not let nobodies bugger them,' ' A House Elf said, appearing with spare robes for the teachers at McGonagall's request.
"Would have appreciated knowing this beforehand!" Severus roared while rapidly dressing.
"You never ask'd." The Elf answered, shrugging.
"I vill remember that detail…" Karkaroff answered, sighing in dismay.
"Mon Dieu, he did not spare women either…" Maxine said, sniffling from the trauma.
"Gender is no excuse, Madame." The small elf answered.
"How is dinner coming along?" Albus asked, while the undressed and traumatised students were helped leaving the Hall to go change, the lessons obviously being postponed for the rest of the day until robes and wands could be replaced.
"Lord of Cookin' is realsies a God, Headmaster Sir! He's cookin' alone faster than all of us together! He's so amazing! We's learning so much thanks to him! Boss Rapsy can't stop crying! Can I go backsie? Me's missing the lesson!"
"Just go then, dear. Thanks for the clothes." Minerva answered, sighing, and watching the thing immediately disappear from the room.
"Let him have that bloody Dragon, Albus!" Professor Sinestra yelled.
Later that night -
Still shaken by what will be recorded in Hogwarts History as 'The Great Stripping', the assembled students of the three schools sat orderly while casting scared glances at Whitey standing protectively behind Nejire.
Several Aurors, and Draco's father, had TRIED arresting her and destroy the robot...They all went sent flying away with a bitch-slap and undressed, this continued for the entire evening until the only person with a brain in the entire Ministry of Magic, Amelia Bones, declared the arrest order void after even The Minister himself had been slapped several times and undressed.
It took Amelia and the Unspeakables explaining who and what a God of Cooking was supposed to be for everybody else to admit defeat and retreat, they had several centuries-old Prophecies about the coming of one to their world Izuku had just fulfilled, and that had apparently made him legally untouchable. For all the stripped people's frustration.
At least Izuku apologized personally about it once informed, clarifying it was not on his orders that Whitey did it, but instead on his Sponsor's.
Still, food was food, and the few that questioned the House Elves went reassured that a 'God Of Cooking' could make food of literally Godly Quality.
"Only three minutes before Time runs out," Albus said once checked his pocket watch.
"Very curious about all this, the food better make it up for the Humiliation." Minerva said.
"Still no clue about who launched the first spell?" Flitwick asked, still angry at being not just defeated while he was giving his all in a Magical battle, thus suffering from broken Duelist pride, but also stripped as an added insult.
"I'll find them. And when I will, they will pay." Severus answered, nostrils flaring wide open at each angry exhale of his.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Every noise stopped when a House Elf appeared in the middle of the Hall to ring a tiny bell in her hand.
"Everything's ready. Lord of Cookin' thanks you for waiting and wishes you a good dinner." The Elf said before disappearing.
The food then appeared on both the middle of the table and everybody's own plate.
"OH MY GOD!" And multiple voices were heard screaming in awe at the taste.
Teachers table -
"Tarator Soup, Shopska Salad, Shkembe Chorba...My God...It tastes...It tastes like home…" Igor Karkaroff muttered between mouthfuls while shamelessly gorging himself on everything set in front of him, all plates of Bulgarian cuisine made following the original recipe with maniacal devotion.
And he was not alone in praising the food, Igor could see his beloved Durmstrang Champion Viktor eating the same dishes while crying fat tears and telling his friends how his Mama would make that plate of Kebapche (A sausage-shaped grilled meatball spiced with cumin) just like Izuku made it, thus making the taste even more homely for the buff Bulgarian student now crying his eyes out mid-eating.
"Soupè à l'oignon, Coq au vin, Cassoulet, Boef Bourguignon...Mon Dieu...Even back in France I never found any of them made like this! C'est vraiment la création d'un Dieu!" Maxine admitted with a stricken expression.
"Madame?" One of Beauxbaton's Prefects asked, nearing the table.
"Oui?"
"We are signing a petition, we ask to see if Monsieur Midoriya can be taken in as a Chef for our school!" The girl asked.
"It will be difficult my dear…" The giant woman answered with a very apologetic tone, especially since she too was taking the thing in consideration.
"We...We may try to convince him, if you give us permission." The Prefect answered with a meaningful look.
"...Go ahead." Maxine answered after seeing several girls under her care shot her a look that clearly stated their interest in being part of said Convincing.
"Merci." the girl answered, and moving immediately to bring the students the news they had the permission to entice the young Chef.
"Well, I am glad everything is of your liking! I am enjoying this quite a bit!" Albus said with a friendly smile.
Sniff!
"Minerva?" The Headmaster said once noticed his Deputy sniffling subtly.
"Seanmahir (Grandmother in Gaelic) used tha make Haggis like this...Nana...Nana I miss you…" Minerva muttered, mentally returning into being a wee lassie at each bite as the taste took her back to her childhood memories.
(Nana, colloquial way to say Grandma.)
With Nejire -
"I assume my Icchan won the bet?" Nejire, just like the other Japanese students, was enjoying more Japanese traditional dishes, enjoyment proved further by the cries of 'Oishi!' echoing behind her from the other tables.
This not ignoring the other cries of appreciation in various other languages when said students saw and tasted how well Izuku had prepared the traditional dishes of their homeland, Padma and Parvati especially seemed very vocal in praising the Chef for his Indian Dishes.
"Is that that sushi thing I heard about?" Harry asked, curious.
"Yup! Wanna try? Icchan knows I love it, so he made some for me." Nejire answered.
"Raw fish...Oh, to hell with it! I will fight dragons tomorrow, you only live once!" The young man said while bravely swallowing the morsel of fish and rice she offered him whole in a single bite.
"Morgana's saggy teats, this tastes amazing!" he then said.
"Language!" Hermione, for once putting aside manners to eat just a bit more, chided him without even thinking about it.
"These are the darn best jellied eels I have ever eaten!" Fred said.
"Mom will be mad, but I don't think I can eat her kidney pies anymore without putting them in comparison with Mister Izuku's. He has her beaten, no question!" George added, unfortunately without swallowing first.
"Sorry, mum, but we finally found a better chef than you!" Ginny chorused.
"Huhuhu! Please don't sell your mother so short, I am not here to steal anybody's spotlight!" Izuku answered, appearing sitting next to Nejire thanks to the elves as soon as he finished cooking everything, those small creatures had promised they would take care of delivering everything.
CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!
The applause that the entire Hall gave him as soon as he appeared turned him into a blushing mess, but he still got up to thank all of them and renew his apologies for the Incident with Whitey, even if it seemed like the food he made was of a quality good enough they all conveniently forgot about it.
"It seems like you owe him a Dragon, my dear Maxine and Karkaroff." Albus said once daintily cleaned his mouth after shocking everybody by devouring by himself a third of everything on the table.
"Mamka mù!" Igor shrieked. (Fuck!)
"Merde!" Echoed Maxine. (Shit!)
"And you two kiss your mothers with that mouth?" Severus asked with a mocking tone, and not commenting on his being the one to eat another third of the total dishes that had been served at their table.
The Next day -
Four things shocked the assembled three schools to the core the following day.
1 – Nejire was not pulling their leg about the young Chef's virility, because the very same night after that spectacular dinner NOBODY all the way to Hogsmeade managed to have a single minute of sleep since the girl decided she was 'in the mood', and Izuku had clearly fully committed all of himself to satisfy her needs, and by the inhumanly-loud HOWLS of Pleasure and Invocations to God of the girl, he really was good at it, too bad nobody thought about giving them a Guest Room that was sound-proofed. Even the Centaurs in the Forbidden Forest came to tell Albus if his Guests could PLEASE calm down, thus confirming how the young Chef had apparently humiliated every single male within earshot, and not just the human ones, by raising the bar of 'Proper Fucking' to truly unreachable levels.
2 – The Chef himself was STRONG! Everybody saw Harry manage to out-fly a dragon and steal the golden egg while coming very close at being roasted and then eaten alive, and that reminded everybody how Dragons were nothing to fuck with...And yet Izuku had jumped into the arena as soon as the dragon had flew back towards her nest, ran towards the thing, jumped and hit the Hungarian Horntail Dragon between the eyes with the knuckles of two fingers ONCE...And the thing had fallen down unconscious right after. He called it Knocking, the assembled Wizards that saw, or were told later, called it Bullshit.
Izuku still collected dragon and eggs and added them to his Storage Room Island.
3 – Hungarian Horntail Steak tastes FUCKING AMAZING! Making Charlie Weasley and his Boss at the dragon reserve very nervous as now apparently people learned about something intriguing about an up-until-that-moment 'Kind of useless' race of dragons. They just hoped Horntail Steaks won't become a new sensation, not everybody was as ballsy as Harry Potter or Izuku Midoriya to face one so openly.
4 – While friendly, Nejire was VERY Territorial, VERY Possessive and EXTREMELY Jealous of Izuku, meaning that as soon as Fleur Delacour or any other female student of the three schools tried even just suggesting they were intrigued by him, she snapped and turned the glare-war into a full-on fight.
And that resulted in Izuku dragging Nejire away and escaping the school towards The System's extraction point, all the while Chef and Entity argued about how it was possible that That kept happening in every Dimension he visited.
As an addendum, Shiro had momentarily excused himself to go 'eat something' and returned just in time to join Izuku and Nejire in the trip back home with a grimace as apparently what he ate tasted very bad…
Ever since that day nobody heard anything about several key members of society that secretly used to be part of the Terrorist Organization known as Death Eaters, leaving behind only a bewildered Severus and Karkaroff wondering why their Mark disappeared completely as if their Master had finally died for real, and a barely-alive and half-eaten Peter Pettigrew that admitted several horrible crimes in exchange of being kept safe from fluffy monsters...He was still sentenced to death, not that anybody cared, especially the guy's childhood friend that was now finally declared innocent and decided to celebrate it by pissing on the traitor's shallow grave.
Nobody knew about the fate of their greatest Evil Villain whose soul had been digested by the Ancestral Taotie until nothing remained, destroyed forever.
