Happy Saturday to all!
Here's a little update for you.
Happy reading!
Xoxo,
Nina
"What's up with you? You seem weird since this morning." Hailey questioned Ruzek as soon as she joined him in the break room for a coffee refill.
Kim and Kevin had hit the road just a few minutes ago in the search of some new intel that promised to give them a more clear view of the whole case.
"Do I?"
"Don't play dumb, Ruzek. I like to think I know you better than that."
He scoffed. Adam was trying hard to put on his best poker face, but apparently was doing a crappy job at it.
"That's her, right?"
"Her, who?"
Hailey rolled her eyes. She wasn't putting up with his nonsense for much longer. "Your ex. The one we were not really over with when we hooked up and apparently still aren't."
"What are you talking about? It's been forever."
"So, it is her." She wasn't going to give up, and he knew her friend enough to realize that. There was no use in denying it, Upton was going to find out sooner or later.
"Yeah. It's her."
The blonde's eyes softened after his friend admitted his connection to the detective that had recently joined their unit. "Are you ok? I bet you're probably shook by this."
"I'm fine Hailey. Like I said, it's been a long time and she's just a colleague."
"Ok. Whatever you say." Upton grabbed her mug and turned to leave the room, but just as she was about to reach for the door she turned around to look at him. "For the record Adam, sometimes time doesn't really heal or erase. And there's nothing wrong with that."
"Ok."
He didn't even look at her. Doing that would mean admitting that her words were right and even though that last piece of advice felt like some sort of balm to his broken heart, he wasn't ready to fully acknowledge that he wasn't over her or their relationship or their break up.
He had a lot to figure out.
The streets of Chicago were under the watch of this exceptional duo once again and Kim couldn't wipe the smile off her face even if she tried. Being a CPD officer had always made her happy, but she was the happiest by far when she was Atwater's partner. They had a brother sister relationship that not even eight years apart could vanish.
"Tell me everything! What's life like in DC?"
"It's cool. Not gonna lie though, the first months were hard. I missed the windy city a whole lot, but after Erin moved there everything brightened up. And now working together is probably the closest thing to working with you I'll ever get."
"Well, you are working with us now." They both chuckled. "Listen, I'm sorry that I let the distance between us kind of get into our friendship."
"Are you out of your mind? For starters, it takes two to do that and I'm as responsible as you are. And Kev, I know you're there for me no matter the time or distance and I hope you know I'm here for you, too." She took a deep breath, she needed to be truly honest with him, mostly, she needed to stop hiding from the past. "To be completely honest Kev, I was kind of grateful we had some time apart. I mean I missed you like crazy, I really did. But I also missed everything about this place."
"Everything? Or everyone?" Kevin gave her a questioning look. He had a vague idea where her comment was coming from but he wanted to be sure he wasn't misinterpreting anything.
Although Kim ignored his question, what she said next gave him enough clarity. "Talking to you meant knowing something about him, and I wasn't ready for that."
"I see." The pause was short, but enough to make Kim aware that whatever else was coming out of her friend's mouth was going to defy her. "Are you ready now?"
"It's been forever, Kev."
"That doesn't answer my question, Burge."
"That's the house we're looking for." She pointed out the window. Never before had the timing been so good to her.
Atwater rolled his eyes. He had a gut feeling that he was about to enter another Burzek roller coaster, and from the looks of it, it wasn't going to be an enjoyable ride.
Their search wasn't very productive, the house they hit was a dead end, with a possible link to the case that seemed like a really long shot, but they were going to take it.
Reporting the news wasn't thrilling at all, Voight was pissed they weren't getting really far and even though Kim was frustrated as well, a part of her didn't really care about Aaron Jones. New worries were pouring in her head and it didn't matter how hard she tried, it was impossible to push them away.
Although it wasn't that late, the brunette was exhausted and was ready to call it a night. When she stepped into the locker room to get her things, she froze.
She had been there earlier, but with the rush of the case and the fact that Platt was right next to her assigning her a locker she didn't really have time to look around, much less to allow the emotions to invade her.
The room looked exactly how she remembered it, the colors, the lights, even the smell of air freshener and disinfectant. But what called her attention the most was the bench.
That one bench.
That same one she was sitting on that January evening when she thought the best move to make was to give him back the ring and let him off the hook.
Her stomach turned with such force she thought she was about to vomit and her eyes were starting to burn which was a clear sign that she was about to burst into tears.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't know you were here."
His familiar voice echoed through the room and she wasn't sure what to make of it. The only thing she was certain about was that he was shaking the ground below her, making it difficult for her to stay standing firmly and pretending that she had everything under control.
Adam looked at her and realized that her thoughts were fixed on something.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah." She shifted her body just enough to look at him but not to reveal what she was feeling. "Yeah, it is. I was just looking around. Everything is exactly the same."
"Not everything." He walked over to his locker to get his duffel bag from it. "Lindsay is not here, Antonio is not here and Al isn't here either."
'And we're not engaged.' That's what she felt like answering, but his comment felt like a kick in the guts already and she wasn't about to ignite that fire.
"Well, I was talking about the building itself." That felt like a safer reply.
"You have a good point there, the place hasn't been updated." He joked nervously. He couldn't believe after all these years he was talking to her, and that this was their conversation topic. How dated the district was.
"Um, listen, I hope this isn't awkward." She finally addressed the elephant in the room.
"What?"
"You know, me being here. Working with you guys."
"Well, if it's not awkward for you then it's not for me." He answered coldly.
What the hell was that supposed to mean?
Kim furrowed her brows and looked at him trying to figure out his words. "For me?"
"If I don't remember incorrectly, you were the one who ran away from this place. So if it's not weird for you to be back here working with us, then it wouldn't be weird for me either."
"Adam."
He turned to look at her, locking his eyes on Hera for the first time since he stepped into that room.
"What?"
She sighed. She wanted to talk to him, but she didn't know what to say and this wasn't probably the best place or moment to do it. She opened her mouth briefly but nothing smart came out of her lips and they were instantly shut. "That's what I thought."
He closed his locked shut and headed towards the threshold.
"I really meant it today when I told you that it was nice to see you." That was everything she could give him right now.
"I meant it, too." He stopped and hesitated for a second, but shook his head and kept walking. "Good night, Burgess."
"Night."
Kim felt like she was about to choke, she needed to leave the district, head back to her place and have a glass of scotch, or maybe the whole bottle.
His house was dark and empty and he had never been more grateful for that than right now.
The day had shook him completely, he didn't know what to think, do or say anymore.
She was right here again and all those crazy thoughts he had about what he would tell her whenever they met again were laughing straight at his face right now.
He left everything on the floor and went straight to the bathroom; maybe a shower could help him clear his head and straighten his heart.
No, not his heart. His heart was fine. His heart knew exactly what it wanted, it has been clear for the part eight years and now that desire was just beating faster and pounding on his chest.
He wasn't over her. He never got over her, and while a part of him knew that, another part, the part that was trying to protect itself liked to pretend that he was in fact over it. That time had done its thing and that he was ready to try to move on.
But who did he want to fool?
If today showed him anything, it was that his feelings for her were right there, intact, and he hated himself for that. For being weak, for not fighting to get her break when he was supposed to.
Adam wasn't angry at her, not really. He could understand why she did what she did, but he was angry at the whole situation.
What was he supposed to do now? Was he supposed to tumble down his not very successful attempts of creating a new life for himself or was this life giving him another chance? Providing him with that second opportunity he had desperately asked for?
He had a lot to think about, that was for sure.
The shower helped a bit. At least his muscles were able to relax some.
He went straight to his room, because he honestly didn't feel like doing anything else. Opening the drawer to his nightstand and digging deep into the back of it, he pulled out the small velvet box that he never had the courage to throw out. As he opened it, he saw the ring sparkle.
"So, are you having fun now?" He spoke to the thing, knowing he wasn't going to get an answer from it. "Is this why you never let me get rid of you? Because you knew she was coming back?"
His hand ran through his face, stopping a few extra seconds to press the bridge of his nose in an attempt to release some stress. He hid the box back in the drawer and laid his head on the pillow. He desperately needed some sleep and he doubted he would get some tonight, his phone buzzed and when he saw the flashing screen he rolled his eyes.
Tori.
He couldn't deal with that right now. What was he going to say to her, that he was in no headspace to keep giving their relationship a chance? If he hated himself for not fighting for Kim, he also hated the fact that he pushed himself into something he wasn't really convinced of. Avoiding her wasn't the answer, though. He knew that much.
"Hey Tor."
"Sweetheart, how are you?"
"Tired."
"Bummer."
"How are you?"
"I'm good. I miss you though."
Adam felt guilty hearing his girlfriend's comment. Was it wrong not to miss her back?
"I'm about to go out for dinner and I was wondering if maybe you wanted me to stop by your place, maybe have a sleepover or something." She added giggling. In other circumstances he would have agreed, but today was different.
"Tor, I'm in bed already."
"Exactly my point, hun."
"I mean that I really am exhausted. I haven't been sleeping well and I'm sure I will pass out in no time."
"Um, ok." She paused for a moment. "Is everything alright? This is the second time you kind of avoid me."
"I'm not avoiding you. This week has been…" He was trying to look for the right word to use. "Tough."
"Ok. I gotta go, I don't want to be late."
"Have fun."
"I will. Rest up. Talk to you tomorrow. Luv ya."
She ended the call without waiting for his reply and he was grateful for that.
Adam left his phone facing down on his nightstand and rolled over. He just wanted to sleep.
There were no dreams that night. Her presence was real now.
