Hey guys!

First of all I just wanted to thank you for all the support I've been getting lately. It means so much to know that you enjoy my stories and it keeps me motivated to write.

So here is a little update I hope you enjoy.

Happy reading!

Xoxo,

Nina


The sun was rising, and the chilly wind of the city was setting the tone for a cool fall day.

Kim woke up early, so early she had to check the time on her phone to make sure the deep darkness of the sky wasn't telling her it was midnight. Not only did she find out that it was 5:30 in the morning, but she also saw five missed calls from Erin and 3 text messages from her friend that she never saw last night.

When she left the district the previous evening she had no idea where she was standing. Her head wouldn't stop turning, she was spinning out and she didn't want to think anymore.

She got in her car and started driving around the city.

She went to her old place and just passing by the door of her former building unleashed a waterfall of memories, good ones, bad ones, emotional ones, but in almost all of them Adam was present.

Their interaction in the locker room had crushed her heart; but then again, what else was she expecting? Sure she had her reasons for leaving and at the moment it seemed like the best thing she could do, but now after all this time she knew that they should have talked. Maybe telling him how she was feeling would have made the whole transition better, not with the intention of making up but at least to get some proper closure.

It was clear to her now that he had closed all the doors and windows to her the day she hopped on that plane and left the city without telling a soul, just Platt.

Kim knew coming back wasn't going to be easy, but she never pictured it was going to be this hard.

Before going to her current apartment, she stopped to get a bottle of scotch, a drink that she had adopted as her own due to Adam's influence. It was really stupid, but every time she opened a bottle of the dark liquor she felt connected to him, as if they had something that linked them together. And that's the exact feeling she was looking for that night.

The brunette decided to ignore her phone for a while and get on with her morning routine instead, trying to find something productive to do before heading to the precinct where her nightmare was going to turn into reality once again.

After an exercise routine, a long shower and some breakfast, she called Erin. Not reaching her would only mean that her boss and friend would be blowing up her phone any second now, so why not cut to the chase?

"Jesus, Kim. You had me worried sick."

"Exaggerating, much?"

"I called you a million times and heard nothing from you."

"Sorry, I called it an early night." She said looking at the half empty whisky bottle.

"It's fine." Lindsay sighed from the other side of the line. "How was your first day back?"

"It was alright. We hit a location with Atwater, which turned out to be kind of a dead end. We got an address for a pub, maybe that'll lead us somewhere; Voight said something about checking it out tonight but to wait on his word for it."

"Kim, you do know I didn't mean the case, right?"

"Well, there really isn't much else to talk about."

"What do you mean? Is it not fulfilling your expectations?"

"To be honest Erin, I'm not sure what expectations I had to begin with. Everything is different, there's new people and others missing, people look at me weirdly and my best friend is not here. So that's that." Kim started out calm but as she began to vent her words started to gain speed.

"How about Kevin? He didn't reach out?"

"He did." She let out a deep breath. "Kevin's fine. He was nice and sweet, but it's been 8 years, Erin. It's naturally not the same." The tears were shyly making puddles in her eyes and since she was alone in the comfort of her apartment, she let them roll down her cheeks.

Her friendship with Atwater was a big deal to her, and having ruined it was also a heavy weight on her chest, but those tears had another name written on them and it wasn't precisely Kevin.

"I get it." She really did and Erin knew that bringing up Adam's name wasn't the wisest decision right now. "If this becomes too heavy for you just tell me and we'll figure something else out."

"No."

"Kim."

The brunette didn't let her boss finish. "No Erin, I'm a professional. I will bring Jones down and only then I'm going back to DC."

"I know you're a professional. Why do you think I chose you to be the head of this investigation? But being a professional doesn't mean that you have to suffer through a case."

"I'm fine."

"Yeah, right."

"Listen, the only thing that makes sense in my life right now is my job. I'm not messing that up as well."

"Ok, whatever you want. Just keep in mind that you can talk to me about anything. Ok?"

"Yeah, I know."

"And one more thing. Try to have a good time while you're there."

"I will."

"Detective Upton, she's nice."

"I didn't really have a chance to talk to her or the new guy. Apparently Jay pulled him up, so I'm guessing he must be good."

"Well, if he's there he must be. None of us were ever there by random." Erin heard an ironic laugh coming from Kim's end of the conversation. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

"Nothing, I was just thinking that maybe that explains why I never got there in the first place."

"Don't start. You didn't get there because you turned it down. Voight always saw something special in you, and he still sees that. Why is that so hard to believe? Kim, you're not working under his command, you're working by his side. We all trust you and we all know what you can accomplish. Own it girl."

"I think I'm gonna get going if I don't want to be late on my second day."

"Yeah, change the subject." Kim laughed at Erin's comment. "Oh, and don't think you're totally off the hook. You will tell me about Ruzek at some point."

"Of course, right after you tell me about Jay. I noticed how you avoided the subject."

"Nonsense. We can talk about Jay."

"Ok, tonight you and I will have a video call and we'll talk about our exes. Just be aware that I might need some booze to carry out that conversation."

"I can't tonight. But will tomorrow work?"

"Making excuses already Lindsay?" They both laughed. "Sure, I have nothing else to do, so tomorrow it is. I'll write to you during the day if anything about Jones pops up."

"Ok. Say hi to everyone for me, will you?"

"Sure. A special hello to Halstead?"

"Shut up."

"Talk to you later, Erin."

"Take care Burgess."

"Will do."

Once the call ended, Kim got everything ready to head to the district. She was determined to make today a better day, to push back her feelings, whatever they were, and to focus on her job.

Before leaving she walked into the bathroom to take one good look at herself. "You've got this Kimberly." She needed to feel good, and what better way than giving her self esteem a little boost? She rummaged through her cosmetics bag and pulled out her mascara and eyeliner. She went light and subtle, nevertheless, she needed to bring out a little life in her eyes because she looked like a train had run over her twenty seven times.

When she got to the bullpen, she was surprised to find it empty. It wasn't all that bad though, it gave her enough time to walk around and get acquainted once again to the familiar yet distant space. She did her best not to get carried away by the memories she shared with Ruzek there, but it was an almost impossible task to achieve. At least today she managed to fight back the tears and on her watch that was a total victory.

As she kept observing her workspace for the time being she realized that her desk had been brought in, well, a new empty desk had been placed in the room and she could only assume that it was for her.

The big wooden piece of furniture was strategically set up next to Atwater and across from Adam. More specifically back to back to Adam's, close enough that if she lifted her sight from her computer screen, the first thing her eyes were going to crash against would be his face. At first she thought about getting some books to place under the monitor and block her view, but that would have been desperate and immature of her. So she left everything as it was and prayed to the heavens for nothing to be as dramatic as the scenes currently playing in her head.

"Fell out of bed Burgess?"

Kim rolled her eyes to Jay's comment.

"Hey, that's almost offensive." She joked. He did have a point, while she was never late for work, Kim wasn't really a morning person. "I guess with everything going on, my head didn't let me fully fall asleep, and when I woke up this morning I decided to get ahead of work. See if I can try to sort some things about the case out. I really want to get it over with."

"You want to go back that bad, huh?"

Kim just gave a faint laugh as an answer and Halstead knew better than to keep digging. "Anyway, in my experience nothing is better than a hot cup of coffee and an extra set of eyes for that." He headed towards the break room to get themselves the much desired drink and the brunette followed. "This Jones guy is driving me insane."

"He's too tidy, doesn't leave us much to work with.But we'll find something. We have to."

"Of course we will." Kim sighed, which made Jay look at her while he waited for the coffee to finish brewing. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Sometimes I worry we won't make it and this monster will remain loose around the country doing his shit, ruining people's lives or ending them."

"I understand the feeling. But we're doing everything in our power to bring him in, and come on, we're pretty good." There was that Halstead confidence.

"Yeah, you are."

"I meant all of us, Burgess. I remember how good of a cop you were back in the day and I know for a fact that you wouldn't be here if Erin or Voight didn't think that too." He paused for a second, pretending to look for a spoon when he was actually just stalling before asking what he really wanted to know. "How's Erin doing by the way?"

While it was partially true that Kim sometimes struggled with her confidence, mainly because she was too hard on herself and set expectations that sometimes were pretty hard to accomplish, what she was really trying to do right now was directing Jay to talk about Erin, and he had fallen for it.

Jay and Erin had a rocky ending to their relationship. Kim knew that they were still in touch now and then, which meant that at least they ended things in a much more civil way than what she and Adam had done. What Burgess wasn't really sure about was just how much of that friendly relationship was real or if it was just a facade, covering unresolved issues between them.

Erin had sworn to her friend that she had gotten over it, in fact she was in a nice and healthy relationship right now, but now that she was here it couldn't hurt to know both sides of the story, right?

Her knack for overthinking had led her to believe that maybe she was just projecting her own life on her friend's. Kim, too, had sworn that her relationship with Ruzek was a closed chapter, but was it?

She was in desperate need of answers, or closure or just some balming for her soul, and right now the closest thing to getting that was talking to Jay.

"From detective to detective, do you really expect me to believe that you have no idea how she's doing?"

Now it was Jay's turn to answer with a chuckle. "I have a general idea. We haven't talked in a while, though."

"She's doing great. Loaded with work and doing an exceptionally good job, too."

"Of course she is. I always knew she would end up leading her own team."

"Yeah, she's a natural."

"She also had a very good mentor."

"She misses him a lot. Well, all of you really."

"She's missed here as well. Things never were exactly the same after she left."

"Was there a staff meeting that no one told me about?" Jay and Kim were so into their conversation that they never heard Kevin coming into the room.

"Don't feel left out Kev, it was just a coincidence." Kim answered in a friendly manner getting a chuckle and a hug from Atwater.

"Coffee?" Jay offered.

"I could use a cup. Something tells me it's gonna be a long day."