Disclaimer: Don't own
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"Now Jade, if we're going to get you to the point where you don't need that conservatorship, I'm going to need to review your history." The woman she'd be seeing for the foreseeable future said.
"Whats to say." Jade shrugged, sitting less then comfortably on the woman's couch. "I tried to kill myself. Honestly, after what I'd been through, you'd have tried it too."
"You were seen as erratic, self destructive, and showed signed of manic behavior." The therapist read out.
"All because, after my nearly perfect boyfriend and I broke up, I wound up working with this man, this producer, who claimed he'd help me make something of myself." Jade sighed. "I never intended to be a musician, not long term. Only, he made it sound like that was my in, and I jumped at the chance. I just, I had no idea how he'd use me. Never whored me out specifically, but I did damn well near enough. Destroyed my sense of self esteem, among other things. By the time he cut me loose, cause I wasn't willing to fuck whomever he told me to, I was at my wits end. Spiraling, hurt, and in the end, I didn't see an out. I'd been fucking blackballed, so of course…" Her finger ran down the scar on her right wrist, it's twin on her left being easier to find by feel then sight these days.
"Is what Mister Thornesmith said true?" The other woman pushed.
"Mason Hates me." Jade snapped. Then, calmer, she added "Don't be fooled by him supporting my movies. He only did that because he can use them to help push new artists. Fuck, he even demanded I make a movie just to promote a couple of his pet bands. Not that they were that bad, cause the man knows music. But I had to make that movie, and I chose SciFi, and showed the world…." A fire in her eyes blazed for just one second. "I showed them all."
"So he invested in you because he wanted a platform to promote new acts?" The shrink sounded surprised.
"No, he supported me because I wound up married to Vega." Jade groaned. "Tori knew I'd been put in a conservatorship, and having met my father, didn't trust him to run my finances. She rushed to marry me, just to have control, and because I was miss Tori Vega's wife, Mason felt he had to show some support. But he hates me. He told me that, to my face, AFTER I made him a bundle. Man didn't mince words, just…" She sighed.
"So, was he right when he said you were stubbornly refusing to be happy, despite everything finally going your way?" The therapist asked.
Jade looked at the woman. "-" She tried, thinking hard. For several long moments, silence dominated the room. Jade didn't understand that silence was as much a therapists tool as anything else, when used right, and so after several long, tense moments, she gave in first, talking when she wished she wouldn't. "Maybe. I mean, I do feel happy, sometimes. Just, it's with Vega. Like this convenient marriage, this sacrifice she made, and I know it is, cause everyone tells me, to my face, how this is this huge sacrifice she's making being my wife, but yea. Sometimes, I do feel happy, being with Vega, married." A smile slipped onto the pale face. "And the sex isn't bad either. No force, like she could. No, she seduces me, and makes me feel valued. Loved. Maybe I do feel happy. Maybe. But I'll be damned if I let them know, cause this wasn't how I planned it."
Jade wasn't sure why she was there, other then she needed to fix things, and fast. Her marriage was just supposed to be about control of her finances, letting her continue to follow her dreams while having the money she made saved for her. Only, it was Vega, Tori, who wed her, and in doing so, pushed her to be more then just a user. Now, with her therapist looking so closely at her, she was fighting to remove something that, if she was honest, she didn't need removed. 'Tori made sure we hired a professional company, someone who'd protect me and my assets. I totally get it, she has people, the same people, watching her money. Just, if she wants to pay for a vanity project, she can. Me, I need to petition for the rights to use my own fucking money…'
She shook her head, and adjusted her face, even as she waited for the receptionist to validate her parking. 'God, why do I do that. I totally can afford the parking. But everyone does this, so…' She looked at the person waiting, the next client, and pretended to be someone less famous. She needn't have worried. The man didn't seem to care, and Jade was just killing time while the receptionist finished up and got out the stamp.
Jade walked out to her car, not sure what to think about her first session. 'Hate it when they make you feel.' She decided. 'It's half my problem with Vega, she makes me feel, makes it a real relationship, not just her doing charity. She makes me feel her love, my own love, and then, what the hell can I do other then see someone, admit I'm… happy. Fuck me, she makes me happy. How the hell am I supposed to write chiz if I'm not miserable?'
Not sure what else to do, Jade drove to a nearby coffee shop, pulled out her laptop, and started writing. Her escape, the worlds she created, would help her work through this emotional tangle, at least until her next session when she'd complain about her inability to write. She'd get at least a hundred pages done by then, a week later, as a story of need and denial flowed onto the paper. Yes, she changed a lot of the details, but it still laid bare her feelings, acting as her true therapy.
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Not perfect, but it'll do.
