Chapter 6: Thai Feud

Dear Ivy.

It's official. I'm adopted!

…well, okay, not official, nobody's like, signed anything yet. But it's unofficially official.

The day started off pretty normally. Just a regular breakfast with the fam, but something about the way everyone was looking at me was bugging me.

Apparently I was being rude! Me, Wartwood's little darling! I was just making myself at home, like the Boonchuys said I should. But apparently I was overstepping.

Maybe I've been reading the situation wrong. Anne's a Plantar, so, by the transitive property, I should be a Boonchuy, but I think I might've grossly misunderstood the math involved. I think the fact that Polly – Polly – was being more polite than I was should have been a huge red flag.

Anyway, Anne really let me have it, and I realized that I needed to make it up to Mo- uh, Anne's mom. I figured I would tag along to their restaurant and help out there. I'm not one to brag, but I can wrestle a wild carrot under the table. Unfortunately, Mrs. B just saw me as a houseguest even when I'm not n the house, and just asked me to try to stay out of the way.

But soon, an opportunity would present itself! Soon after we arrived at the restaurant, a human came in, not for service, but for the ultimate act of betrayal! This Ned, once a loyal customer, had come to announce that he was opening a competitor… and right outside the restaurant! And then he had the unmitigated gall to ask Mrs. B for her family's secret recipes! This… this was something that could not go unchallenged. I knew exactly what I had to do… vanquish the traitor Ned, prove myself to Mrs. B and get properly accepted into the family. I would be stupid not to do it!

My first attempt was "Operaiton Tainted Reputation." I snuck out to his food truck (that's a thing here. Imagine a restaurant... but on the back of a snail. You'd have food and mobility!) and ordered lunch (and let me say his Pad Thai is nowhere near as good as Mrs. B's), then pretended that his food had turned my skin bright pink. Alas, I didn't take into account that humans might want to be pink. All I'd done is make his food more popular. Can you blame them, though? I am a really nice shade.

When Mrs. B found out what I was doing, she got really upset about it, but instead of punishing me, she blamed Anne. This really drove home that I wasn't part of the family, I was just a guest, and Anne was responsible for whatever I was doing. So not only had my stunt not accomplished anything, I'd given Anne more trouble to deal with.

Clearly I was doing things all wrong. I was being too subtle! What I had to do was wreck the food truck directly. That'd earn Mrs. B's love!

I lured Ned out of his truck with a fake note from Mrs. B, Then, I was going to figure out how to steal it. Shouldn't have been too hard, right? I pretty much know how to start Bessie, how much different could a human vehicle be?

A lot different! It's a lot different! There were all sorts of buttons and switches in there and I had no idea what any of them did! Not that would stop me, of course. Pressing all the buttons and switches was something I would've been happy to do anyway! But before I could start, Anne caught me and tried to stop me. We struggled and I must've hit the right thing because the truck started to move! In fact, we'd already been moving and we hadn't even noticed it, because we weren't anywhere near the restaurant anymore, we were hurtling down a hill at high speed! Anne at least knew enough about how to drive to keep the vehicle kinda-sorta under control, but whatever could stop it wasn't working, so the only thing between us and a fiery death was Anne's skills and a whole lotta luck. We crashed our way through a bunch of garbage before running into a tiny turtle that sent us flying through the air (I… don't think that's how it's supposed to work but what do I know?) When we hit the ground again, we were careening toward some kind of obstacle course. Anne thought we could use it to stop our momentum, but I had to use my tongue to grab a pole to get us turned in the right direction (something I do not recommend; not only does it hurt but those poles are filthy!). We went through a bunch of ramps and hills and rails before we finally landed.

Well, I'd done what I'd set out to, 'cause the truck was pretty much trashed, and we'd both come out of it in one piece. But the bad news is Mrs. B and Ned caught up with us, and we were in big trouble.

Yes, we. Mrs. B was actually yelling at me! Which meant… I was officially a Boonchuy!

Of course, now that I'm a Boonchuy, I have to face the consequences of my actions. I'm on bathroom duty at the restaurant, and my pay is going to pay for the repairs to Ned's van… which he needs, since he's now doing deliveries for the restaurant after he agreed to shut down his food truck. I really hope he's got good insurance because I don't think what I'm earning is gonna cover that.

Yours regretfully,

Punished Sprig, a frog without dessert for a month.

A.N.: Am I the only one not getting notifications? I checked and my e-mail doesn't appear to have ff blocked, but the site is telling me mail isn't going through. Is it just me, or is it broken for everyone else too?

Jose: Thanks

Next: Adventures in Catsitting