AU: When an exploration mission goes way off the left field, Jack and Sam are left to patch up their lives. Will that door stay open?
POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING: Trauma, Sexual Situations, Tragedy, Non-Con. Please note that I am Australian, hence my spelling of words such as favourite with 'our' instead of 'or' and Mum instead of Mom.
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are the property of MGM/Amazon. No copyright infringement intended. I am once again taking my favourite two Gaters for a walk in an Alternate Universe. Takes place after 5.05 Red Sky with some canon episodes skipped (overlooked) and others referenced.
Rating: Gonna start this one as M from the get-go.
Triggers: Sexual tension and that darn room, a touch of non con, but getting more full on in Chapter 4. There will be others down the line, will advise as they pop up to avoid spoilers. I want to keep you guessing at least a little while.
Chapter 3: Presence
We started the walk to the tree line, meeting up with the Colonel part way. I noticed he did not look any more relaxed. The voice inside my head - his voice - started not long after I had radioed our intentions. It was maddening listening to the things he wanted to do to me. I swore I could feel his hands on me. I decided to drop back behind the guys in case my predicament got worse.
"Enjoying the view, Samantha?" He said suddenly, those words had me frantically looking at the Colonel, but he was walking beside Daniel. I didn't want to admit that the disembodied voice had been correct, so rather than fall further behind and risk looking at the Colonel's arse again, I caught up and walked beside Daniel.
"Anything on your rocks about this visitor of ours Danny?" The Colonel asked.
Daniel sighed, "Maybe. I can confirm without a doubt that it is based on Dionysus, so that is something. The temple we were in appears to specifically reference the madness, ecstasy, and passion parts of the Dionysian-style worship. I'm not entirely sure, but from what I can make out, it says something about searching for or discerning something. The words for 'cause', 'restore' and 'revel' appear several times as well as a phrase that loosely translates as 'that which holds you back'. From that I can only determine that inhabitants were sent to this temple to search for or otherwise discern the cause for that which holds them back. Maybe?" Daniel said with a huff. "The language is weird mix of ancient Greek and a Goa'uld dialect that we haven't seen too often in our travels."
"Perhaps they were sent here to repair damage by the cause Daniel Jackson." Teal'c offered.
"Yeah, I suppose that is where 'restore' would come into the equation, or maybe they just converged on the temple for an orgy. The word 'revel' does appear a lot." Daniel chirped with a knowing smile at the Colonel. I had to turn away to hide my furiously blushing face and neck.
"Great!" The Colonel said with a sigh, "Just what I needed to hear, that I have some kind of madness which is holding me back and that maybe I should just have an orgy." He replied with candour, I couldn't stop the snort and bubble of laughter. My father would have been suitably unimpressed by my lack of manners, though Colonel O'Neill didn't seem to mind because he just looked at me and let go a silent chuckle with a shake of his head.
"Sorry Sir." I replied quickly, but a wave of his hand told me my apology wasn't necessary.
"So, how does that explain the ghost?" The Colonel asked Daniel.
"Well, Jack… he's, ah, not a ghost per se. He's more of, ah, a manifestation of the suppressed parts of you."
"The suppressed parts of... well that's even more great!"
Ducking my head so that he wouldn't see my nervous smile, I thought about the ice planet. A place where we thought we were other people, other people who felt the same bond, other people who didn't have to hold themselves back. It was bad enough feeling feelings for the Colonel and knowing he felt the same way. Now I knew some of the specific things that he had never shared, and what was worse, I liked it and wanted the real man to do them to me. I was suddenly very glad that I wasn't zapped. God, I was barely holding on knowing about his desires, which had so far been quite tame. If he knew how much I wanted him, and what I wanted to do to him, well we would be in a lot of trouble.
"So how do we get rid of him Daniel?" I asked, needing to fill the quiet void.
"That, I am not sure about, there is nothing written about how to do that. The device appears to identify issues so that perhaps the participant could move on, rectify them, enjoy them or, as Teal'c said, repair them." He shrugged.
"What if the participant couldn't move on or fix or even enjoy whatever they are?" I asked again, noticing that the Colonel kept his eyes on the horizon, purposefully not looking at me.
"Couldn't or wouldn't? There is a difference Sam." Daniel said pointedly before continuing with a roll of his eyes, "I guess they either did something about their 'issue' or were consumed by their madness. You know these temples really are quite vague." Daniel replied as we approached the tree line. I thought about his words knowing the answer was both. We slowed as the tree line came within 100 metres. Close, but not too close.
"Alright! We'll break here. Carter, you're with Danny, Teal'c and I will bunk together. Two hour watches – I'll take first, then Teal'c, Danny and Carter. Let's get set up. Teal'c, roll that log over here wouldja?" The Colonel said, pointing to a fairly sizable fallen tree laying a few metres back from the tree line. He gave me an appraising look before he moved off to collect firewood. It was our normal camp set up routine, so he didn't need to announce who was doing what outside of the log request for Teal'c. After five years together, we were a well oiled machine. Though, I did notice that he had changed the tent buddies, something that I knew I should not be upset by. Still, deep down it hurt that he didn't want to share with me. It wasn't uncommon for me to wake up for my watch shift either cuddled up in his arms or being spooned by him despite being in our own sleeping bags. Ever since Antarctica, we somehow always gravitated towards each other.
I set about making up one of the tents while Daniel set up the other and Teal'c selected the evenings MRE's from our stash. "Major Carter, I have sausages and pulped root vegetable or peanut fowl?" Teal'c announced.
I giggled knowing he meant mashed potato and sausages or satay chicken. After so long together, he pretty much had Earth culture figured out and went out of his way to tell bad jokes. I guess it was pay back for us not appreciating his 'the Setesh guard's nose drips' joke. I wrinkled my nose at the options, "The Colonel will have the mash, is there sweet and sour pork or stroganoff?" I asked from the tent. Teal'c eyed me over my unusual pickiness, but nodded in the affirmative anyway.
"Does stroganoff not contain fungus Major Carter?"
I laughed, "They are mushrooms Teal'c." I replied.
"Sure does T, but Carter likes fungus don't you." The Colonel said with a crooked smile as he dropped his offering of firewood.
I smirked, "Yes Sir. Almost as much as you like beer in your omelettes."
"Hey! Don't knock it until you have tried it, Carter." He smiled. "You should have breakfast with me one day and I'll prove how good they are."
"Yes, you should Carter, we should have breakfast after an evening of me ravaging you." My breath caught as the voice pushed its way into my conscious thought. The Colonel looked at me intently so much so that I had to look away and focus back on my task. I knew the Colonel meant breakfast after a team night with the guys. A completely harmless meal after a completely harmless evening of movies and... "and kissing on his couch. You think I don't know what you do on team nights, in the dark, under that blanket." The voice whispered with a clucking sound after it. "He thinks about it all the time, he's thinking about it now." The wispy voice chuckled and faded away.
After a minute, I chanced a look outside to watch the Colonel building the fire. My own fire that had been getting stoked inside me all day was now a raging inferno thanks to our visitor. I hadn't seen holo-Jack since this morning, but there had been a presence since he disapparated – a hot breath on my neck, a brush across my breasts – I was almost at the point of marching over to Jack and begging him to make it all stop. Then the voice had entered the fray as we left the temple. His voice. He was telling me things he wanted to do to me, things he wanted me to do to him. I had managed to keep the affects it had on me hidden from the guys. Now that we were slowing down for the day, the urges were stronger. His voice more insistent.
"Mmm… I want you, want to take you, sink into you." The voice said. I breathed out harshly to avoid the groan I knew was at the back of my throat and went back to my task of setting out sleeping bags and mats. As I finished, I looked back toward the Colonel to find him staring at me intently from the other side of the fledgling fire – his eyes dark, his lips parted – his sultry look suddenly making me feel very warm despite the crisp air. I quickly looked away. Stepping out of the tent, I took two steps toward the fire only to be assailed by his heavy breathing and voice again. "I want to delve my tongue into you until you scream."
"Oh, for Christ's sake!" I yelled and spun around "Leave me alone!" I growled out the last part into the darkness and stomped toward the fire where the rest of my team were sitting. I snatched my MRE up from the ground and sat cross legged to eat. The log would be more comfortable, but the only spot was next to the Colonel, and I did not trust myself not to do something illicit to him if I sat there.
"Whoa, Sam, are you alright?" Daniel asked. I threw a look at the Colonel who looked as annoyed and as on edge as I was.
"Fine." I growled through gritted teeth, before shovelling a couple of forkfuls of powdered fungus tasting cardboard chucks into my mouth. I closed my eyes and imagined I was eating real food. His voice continued to whisper, to the point where my imagined 'meal' included candles, a glass of wine sitting on a red tablecloth, then the smile and sharp brown eyes gazing at me from the other side followed by a flash of him bending me over the table. A small choke and cough caused by the vivid image forced me to reach for my canteen to clear my throat before returning to my cardboard.
"You don't look fine." He persisted.
"Drop it, Daniel! Please." I mumbled through a still full mouth. The voice kept going, it was getting quite insistent and very descriptive. Dropping my MRE to the ground, I buried my head and covering my ears, but it didn't help. He was inside my head.
"Major Carter, you are unwell. Perhaps you should sleep." Teal'c said.
"She's not unwell, it seems my doppelganger did not leave." The Colonel said. "Though I thought after the disappearing act at the temple, that only I could see and hear it." I looked up and shook my head. I huddled into a ball; my evening meal forgotten.
Daniel and Teal'c looked around. "OK, so where is he, err… it, I don't see or hear anything." Daniel replied.
"Lucky you!" I seethed. "He…" I closed my eyes and corrected myself, "…it won't leave me alone." I explained, looking into the Colonel's lush brown eyes. So far, only the Colonel had mastered calling 'him' an 'it'.
'Look at those eyes – dark, desirous, hungry – he wants you…'
I closed my eyes and swallowed as the words finished and the deep, sexy chuckles faded. "He tells me things… I-" I tried to say he tells me what you want to do to me Sir, but the words died in my throat. Nevertheless, he seemed to know. His eyes flicked away from mine to the fire. "He... no! It... does things - touching... get off me!" I cried, my hands trying in vain to stop the invisible force from groping my breasts. When the ghostly hands ran up over my shoulders and into my hair, I found I was not able to hide my reaction and the subsequent heavy breathing. When I opened my eyes, the Colonel was studiously avoiding my - well - what had to be a very amorous gaze.
"Oh… sorry Carter."
"What for Sir? He's not you." I responded once I had myself under control, watching the myriad of emotion crossing the Colonel's face.
"It - not He - Carter. It's not me." He replied, making his point that we were not dealing with a person.
"Yes, Sir. It's not you." I responded, but oh how it wish it was.
We sat in silence for a while. Daniel poked the fire with a twig, Teal'c staring at me intently as if he were checking for injuries and the Colonel looking anywhere and everywhere he could, except at me. I picked up what was left of my uneaten MRE and rolled it up, then stuffed it into my allotted rubbish pocket on my pack, then stuffed the unwrapped chocolate and small tin of mystery fruit into another pouch.
"Carter, a word?" He finally said, still studiously avoiding eye contact with me, then stood to walk over behind the tents. It wasn't an order, but I felt that maybe he had some input that would help this situation. Well, at least I hoped so, because I couldn't go on like this, being tempted, but not being able to do anything because my tempter wasn't corporeal and the man he was emulating was very much off limits. I stood and followed him. Once behind the furthest of the two tents, he turned to face me, eyes fixed on a spot over my shoulder.
"What is it saying? What kinds of things?"
"Don't you know?" I queried since this apparition was a manifestation of him. His eyes landed on mine for a moment before darting back to its spot over my shoulder.
"Humour me, Carter."
I paced a little, looking from the ground back to the Colonel and then the ground again. "He… it… whatever… wants to… you know…" I said twirling my fingers.
"What?"
I glared at him. Was he serious? I can't believe I had to spell it out for him, unless this was just another one of his dumber than boots routines. God, I hated that part of him. "You know…" I repeated and made a more illustrative gesture with my hands. I didn't tell him that his apparition also revealed how hard he frequently got when I technobabbled, or giggled, or - hell - walked past him. Frankly, it was flattering, just not the sort of thing one knows about their commanding officer. "Then, there is the touching..." I murmured, not getting into detail since he had just witnessed the 'touching' part.
"Ah…" He replied with a squint of his eyes. "Well, if it's any consolation, Carter… it tells me what kissing you is like, and… ah… how soft you are. So, trust me, you aren't the only one affected by this."
I wanted to remind him that he already knew what kissing me was like, but decided to keep that firmly beside our closed door. "Sorry Sir, I couldn't stop it. Before. The affect his actions had on me. I'm sorry you had to see me like that." I apologised quickly, my hand resting on my forehead, "So much for that room huh?" I chuckled mirthlessly.
He breathed, "Yeah… about that… if Danny is right, and he usually is, this thing might not go away, so we might be stuck with it."
I felt the colour drain from my face. "No Sir, I can't… I can't live like this, not having you and having him… it in my ear telling me he… you… dammit… it wants me."
"You know, there are ways we can do this and still work together." He replied, gesturing between us. I knew what he was suggesting, but that meant me leaving SG-1 for another team or becoming either a full time scientist or a civilian contractor. We would be working on the same base, not not together. I wanted to stay in the field. I needed this. I also knew he had tried to retire and that Hammond refused him, not that that was an option either. The SGC needed him.
"Sir." I tried. I didn't want him to give up everything for me. What if things didn't work, besides, I loved working with him and being in the field with him.
"For crying out loud, Sam!" He cursed under his breath, this time looking straight at me. "Could you drop the Sir please?"
"I can't…" I winced and looked away. "Some days, it's the only thing stopping me. I'm sorry, but right now I need SG-1 more than this." I gestured, trying to explain without seeming like I was rejecting him. Going by the look on his face, it didn't work. It was the same resigned acceptance I had seen last year during the 'room' conversation. "I'm not ready to go off-world without you, Sir." I pleaded.
"Ah... so, what if we temporarily took it out of the room, you know just for a night, to see if it'll go away?" The Colonel suggested. Oh God, did I want to say yes. The problem was we'd have to lock it away again, and I was 100% certain that I'd never be able to go back to a professional relationship.
"Sir…"
"Jack." He prompted again. I looked at my toes.
"Then what? Lock it all back away again?" I looked back at him, not hiding how I felt. "I don't know about you Jack, but I am not that strong." I told him honestly. He looked thoughtful.
"C'mere." He said, reaching out to draw me into him. "It would be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do Sam, but I'd do it for you." He said, then buried his face into my neck.
I closed my eyes and held onto him, never wanting to let him go. He held me longer than he'd ever done before. I was in heaven. I slowly opened my eyes to see his doppelganger standing by one of the tents just smiling. He gave me a look, and for a second, I thought I could read his eyes just like I could Jack's. It seemed to convey pure love and happiness - like he was where he was meant to be. I remembered the conversation last year and how forlorn Jack had looked. He agreed with me about the room, but not because he wanted to, because I asked him to. Since then, between the both of us, we had nearly lost the other almost half a dozen times, without knowing what we could have. Unfortunately, with duty and honour being what it was, I could not have both. On one hand, I had my career in the Air Force, and on the other, I had the love of a man who I loved in return – but that man was my commanding officer. A man I already knew the taste of thanks to our stay under the ice. Thankfully it hadn't gone any further than making out. If it had, I doubted we'd have been able to lock that door a second time. As I gazed at his doppelganger, I saw the look in its eyes shift. Gone was the tenderness, replaced with lust and unbridled need. Then I felt it. His lips on my neck. At first I thought they belonged to Jack's shadow, but then I realised those lips were real. I closed my eyes and swallowed as Jack kissed and licked his way up to my ear.
"Jack." I murmured pulling back a little. His hands slid up my back to the nape of my neck and held me in place before he brought his lips to mine. It started as a light, closed mouth kiss. My eyes flittered closed. Kissing always felt more with one less sense in play. We parted but stayed within an inch of each other, his black eyes unfocused though still fixed on me.
"Jack, I-" I started, then he pulled me back. This time it was more urgent. More passionate. More tongue. His hands left my neck and slid down my body. He squeezed my waist, then around and down over my six before one travelling back up and into my hair while the hand on my arse pulled my hips flush with his. Oh God, I could feel him hard against me - this was wrong - but I wanted it more than I could breath.
'Yes… yessss… feel how she wants you.' The disembodied voice said behind us. I opened my eyes to see the shadowy figure with a salacious grin standing behind Jack, urging him to keep going. A guttural growl emanated from Jack and I could feel him losing control as he backed me up to a tree, his hands working on my belt, then button.
"Jack!" I called out when he released my lips and latched onto my neck again. I struggled against him using some of the hand to hand moves he had taught me, but nothing worked. He countered everything I did and was much stronger than normal. He growled out something like my name as he finished sliding down my zipper, his hand under the waistband of my underwear and inching downwards.
"Jack, STOP!" I yelled and shoved him back as hard as I could. He stumbled over a loose branch and fell on his arse. Shaking his head as if to clear a foggy cloud, he looked up at me. This time his brown eyes were clear.
"Shit, Sam! Sorry!" He said hurriedly, then scrambled up and out into the darkness.