AU: When an exploration mission goes way off the left field, Jack and Sam are left to patch up their lives. Will that door stay open?

TRIGGER WARNING: Non-consensual sex/rape.

Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are the property of MGM/Amazon. No copyright infringement intended. I am once again taking my favourite two Gaters for a walk in an Alternate Universe. Takes place after 5.05 Red Sky with some canon episodes skipped (overlooked) and others referenced.

Rating: Gonna start this one as M from the get-go.

Chapter 4: Resistance

Breaking into a run to get away from camp as fast as possible, I dodged trees and fallen branches that barely stood out in the waning light. Thought of her lips, her neck, her skin... the softness of her nether curls against my calloused fingers. I had been out of control and so close to danger when she finally broke through my haze and stopped me.

"Fuck O'Neill! What were you thinking?" I cursed loudly when I finally came to a rest against a tree. I had no idea how far I had run from camp, and without my tac vest or P-90. Just great! What kind of commander does that – any of that! "Ahhhh!" I shouted and punched the tree. I was stronger than this. Better than this. Why couldn't I control myself? Why couldn't I resist her pull on me and remain professional? She wanted it left in the room and there I go, breaking that damn door down without even a second thought. I fought to control my breathing, lest I punch the tree again. The last thing I needed was an avoidable injury that I had to explain to Doctor Fraiser.

"You are pathetic!" It said with a sneer. "Why won't you end your suffering?" Its voice laced with disgust. I knew it was behind me. I could sense its presence. "Take her!"

"Take her? End my suffering? What do you think this is? Lust, a notch in my belt, just one night, a conquest?" I growled still facing the tree. This thing had no idea. Sam would never be any of those things for me. We both knew that once that door was open, it would never close again.

"What else would it be?" It said with a sick sounding tone in its voice. "Kishorn, Harper, Sharpe..." It started rattling off the surnames of women that had been targets during a series of early black ops missions. Memories I had forced into the deepest darkest recesses of my mind, a place reserved for the worst things I had been ordered to do for God and Country. I turned slowly and looked at this version of me, finally allowing that shattered and crumbled brick wall to fall.

It barked out a laugh, "Love? Interesting... but does she love you I wonder?" It asked rhetorically. My thoughts went unbidden to the force shield and the look on Sam's face. The look that I believed told me that she returned my feelings. "You think yes, but you aren't sure." It replied, "I see it in here, all your dirty little secrets, your insecurity, your perceived unworthiness of her, your self-doubt." It said pointing to its head. I closed my eyes and threw up a mental wall of an F4 Phantom II cockpit and the myriad of pre-flight checks. "Nice trick. Is that what you do to hide your feelings from her as well?"

"Better than ending up in jail for assaulting a junior officer or demoted for conduct unbecoming." I finally responded to the shadowy form pacing behind me.

"So, tell her."

"I've tried. The Zatarc testing, after the ice planet, when we got her back from that computer virus, and just then before you took over. I'm sure you heard her. SG-1 is more important than anything she feels for me, and so it should be. She has worked too long and too hard to throw it all away on a loser like me. Sam is going places with the Air Force, and she needs me to get her there, not drag her down." I said honestly. I truly believed she had it in her to be a General Officer one day, still I couldn't hide the disappointment that loving me took a backseat to that goal. Call me selfish, but I wanted it all.

"She thinks SG-1 is what she wants because you haven't shown her that she can have more."

"What? What more? I can't retire! I've tried multiple times. I can't resign – tried that too!" I yelled, scrubbing my hands over my face.

"You can't possibly be naïve enough to think that there aren't others like you. Graham and Astor, Barnes and Wynter… I could go on, there are several illicit relationships going on and you know it."

"Innuendo and rumour! Graham and Astor died for their country; they deserve respect." I growled, remembering how we lost Astor to Anise's machine. The same damn machine that forced Sam and I to confess our feelings.

"I am not disrespecting them. I saw what you saw that night in the MALP room. Yes, they died, but they were happy. You are not. You could be."

"You suggest we hide. That we fight side by side during the day, watching each other dance this close to death," I said holding my fingers up with an inch between them, "then come home and be lovers."

"Why not? Others are doing it."

I gritted my teeth, "Because, doing that will cloud my judgement in the field. People could die if I am more worried about her than anyone else."

"You blind fool! Your judgement is already clouded and you know it. You should have left her to die on that ship, but you didn't. You should have turned her life support off, but you didn't do that either." It said almost gleefully. It was right. I let my feelings for her get in the way of my decisions. I should have let her go both times. An impartial and professional CO would have, but I wasn't impartial towards her. I hadn't been for years.

"There's no way, no chance for us that she is willing to explore."

"There is always a way, Jack. You just need to stop being a coward." My shadow replied. Damn, I was talking to myself, giving myself ideas and reasons why we could be together. Reasons I had already discounted because the thought of losing her after loving her was too much – too hard. I wouldn't survive losing another loved one.

"Jack!" "O'Neill!" I heard in the distance. Carter must have said something when I disappeared. The hails sounded again. I knew they wouldn't stop until they found me. There was no point trying. I turned back to where my image stood, but it was gone. Time to face the music.

I had no illusion that retreating to my tent would cause holo-Jack to leave me alone. Despite me having the final watch, I decided to remain fully dressed. Somehow being in only a tank and sleep shorts when this – whatever the hell it was – was hanging around felt a little too much like tempting fate. I rolled onto my stomach and brought my right leg up. Just as my eyes began to close, I felt him. His breath in my ear, his hand on my leg, his desire pressed into my backside.

"Ah, Sam, Sam, Sam… you do know how amazing those BDU's look on you?" He purred. I ignored him and kept my eyes closed. I was fully dressed, and he wasn't real. Besides feigning sleep and ignorance had always worked on Jonas. He'd come in late, drunk and try to entice me into having sex at 1am in the morning. Eventually he'd give up if I ignored his advances.

"Sam, I know you are awake. Everything he knows about you; I know about you." He whispered, pressing his body against mine. I continued to ignore him, instead thinking about the science behind how a hologram could emit warmth, breath, and pressure. His hand moved up my leg further, around the back of my thigh to my backside. He squeezed lightly. I felt a zing travel through my body, but I ignored it and continued my little charade of feigned sleep. I heard him chuckle. His hand moved to the valley between my thighs. I swallowed and focused on maintaining my slow breathing. His fingers pressed along the seam of my BDU pants. I swallowed silently again but continued to pretend. Then feel of his fingers changed, it was as if I was no longer dressed. His middle finger travelled along the edge of my sex and pressed onto my bundle before travelling back. I tried to concentrate on something else, anything else. Anything but the feel of his digit moving up, down, up, round my most sensitive area through my BDU's. It shouldn't be possible. I clenched my hands under my makeshift pillow as I stifled a moan in response to his ministrations. I knew it wasn't Jack, not really. I purposefully moved my leg back down, but it didn't stop him.

"Samantha." He drawled in my ear. I shivered. "Still pretending hmmm?" He asked. "OK, then." He whispered. I felt his arousal press into the back of my thigh again, his fingers still moving along the inside of my seam, now dipping through my folds. So much for being fully dressed.

"Go away." I said forcefully, rolling onto my side away from him. His rich laughter rolling over me while his fingers continued on their quest. I clamped my legs together trying to ignore him because getting him to stop wasn't working. It's not like I could punch him. I rolled onto my front again. "For crying out loud, go away. You are not him." I growled.

"My, my… you even sound like him." He rumbled, then kissed along the back of my hairline. That was it. I was tired of this crap. I flipped over and focused my mind on shoving him away with my legs while leaning back on my forearms. Mind over matter. It worked and my mouth dropped open, feeling both gobsmacked and a strange satisfaction at seeing holo-Jack sitting on his butt on the other side of my tent.

Schooling my features, I repeated - "I said, leave me alone. I do not want you."

"Interesting, Samantha. Very interesting." He drawled as he dematerialised from his sitting position and rematerialised on his hands and knees suspended over my semi-prone form. Kicking out at him again when he leaned into me, I was not surprised that my foot went straight through him this time. His laugh was deep and throaty, but this time, I did not let it affect me. I knew this thing wasn't my Jack. Heh! My Jack. I smiled internally without letting any of that show outwardly. Instead, I dropped to my back and rolled over to Daniel's sleeping bag to get away, finishing on my stomach. Unfortunately, he was faster, probably because of the whole Dracula thing he had going, and I found myself pinned to the ground with him lying on top of me. He was solid again, so I bucked and kicked out again, to no avail. It seemed he was somewhere between corporeal enough to hold me down and incorporeal enough to avoid my attempts to dislodge him.

"Get off me!" I ground out in anger, trying to lift myself up and crawl out from under him. His hand came down on my shoulder to push me back onto the ground.

"You cannot deny me, you cannot deny him."

"Jack would never do this. Never! He is a good man!"

"You really don't know him that well, do you Samantha?" He replied as he roughly manoeuvred my right leg up. Immediately, I pulled it down again, denying him access as much as possible. He stopped me and roughly shoved it up again. This time leaning his knee painfully on my calf.

"Ahhh! Let go of me!" I cried out. Why couldn't the guys hear me? Where were they? I struggled as I felt his fingers press through my BDU pants and panties, and inside me. I groaned involuntarily when his fingers pressed deep within me to rub the rough sensitive patch. I felt his smile when he pressed his lips to my neck. "Stop, please stop." I said forcefully, steadfastly refusing to let any emotion eke into my voice.

"Wet, so wet. Does he know you get like this for him?"

"Oh God." I moaned, this time unable to hide the tone of pleasure in my voice, and the feeling of disgust in my heart. I didn't want this. Not from him. I closed my eyes and felt him shift over me, his fingers leaving my body to rub around the outside of my sex. I could feel my wetness on his fingers sliding over my nub. I moaned again and struggled once more to free myself. "Please, stop." I whispered. Jack where are you? I asked silently, a tear slipping down my face. I let go a muted sob.

"I want you Sam, I know you want me." He cajoled, his fingers still on me.

"Why are you doing this? The Jack I know would never do this." I mumbled. Despite being fully clothed, I felt his hardened cock at my entrance, and then he was sliding inside. "No, no, NO! Get off me!" I screamed just before his hand clamped over my mouth and he rocked into me hard, fast and impossibly deep, then slow and languid before pounding again. My first orgasm had me crying into his hand, the second had me screaming owing to his forceful pounding. I continued to struggle under him with more and more force, trying to counter his hold on me. He didn't stop and he didn't cum, he just kept pounding and grunting. My third and fourth were keening screams, my eyes sore and itchy from the unrelenting tears, my throat painfully raw. I wondered again how the guys had not heard me. I tried to get up, to get away from him while he continued, but his hold on me was solid. Science dictated that I should be able to move through him, but science was not on my side. Despite my struggles, he just kept going and going. By the time I hit my fifth orgasm, there was no sound except that of my sniffles, tears running down my face. How was it possible that this could happen? He wasn't real, yet he was making me experience things that were real. After this, there was definitely no more thinking of it as a him, or as Jack. The Colonel would never do something like this, no matter what this thing said.

I had no idea how long I had been at his mercy. That's when I heard Daniel, Teal'c and Jack's low murmurs. Of course, Daniel and Teal'c had chased Jack down around he ran from me. I struggled some more, but he held me in place, his rhythmic movements continuing. I reached my hand up to his to pull his away, but I passed through it.

"Now, now, baby. I know you want this." It purred as it pressed so deep it forced a scream from my throat.

"MMCCCKKKK" I cried through its hand, wriggling and struggling against my captor. "PEEEAASSEE MMMAAACCC! AHHHH" I cried around as the thing brought me to my sixth orgasm, still not stopping.

"Carter? Is that you?"

Oh, thank God, he heard me. "Shhhh… little soldier… shhhh… he comes in here and this…" It pushed itself deeper until I screamed again, "…stops." It said in my ear. I didn't want what it was giving me. It had gone from pleasure to far beyond that now. Whatever this thing was, it wasn't Jack. I cried out for the Colonel again, then Daniel, then Teal'c. Any noise I could get from beyond the hand covering my mouth. Kicking my leg out to hit the side of the tent, I cried out again and again until I heard the zipper open.

"What the fuck!" Jack yelled.

Gathering my rage, pain, and desire to kick this things arse, I somehow focused it all on grabbing this version of me and hauling him off my Major. Neither of us were expecting it to be corporeal enough for me to haul him out of the tent by its BDU shirt, flip it over and land punch after punch after punch into its smirking face. One, two, three, four… the fifth went straight through and contacted the ground. A slow vindictive smile spread over its face before it disappeared like snow flurry on a slow breeze. Turning to sit on my backside facing Carter's tent, the faraway look of anguish and tear tracks on her face nearly broke me. It had been an hour since the thing disappeared from the forest. Carter had endured an hour of whatever depraved shit I had just witnessed, despite her being fully clothed.

"Jack." She sobbed in a broken whisper. I wasn't going to correct her, not this time. The pitiful sound of her voice nearly broke me.

"Sam. Oh God, Sam." I replied, not able to hide the choking sound. She scrambled up and out of the tent then threw herself at me. I did not hesitate to wrap her up in my arms while she let go a torrent of tears. I hugged her shaking form so tight; it was only second to that time after her hypnosis. "I've got you, Sam." I whispered into her hair as she cried.

"It did things, it wouldn't stop. It wouldn't listen. I couldn't stop it. Oh God, I'm sorry Jack." She cried. "It's not you, it's not you."

"Shhh, it's OK. It's not your fault. We'll make it go away. Daniel will figure it out." I replied, looking up to the man in question to see him nodding furiously. Feeling this strong and amazing woman shaking in my arms while she cried felt foreign. Sam Carter never cried. Eventually, I felt her loosen her grip, so I did as well. Kneeling back on her knees, her hands still gripping my thighs. She was white and shaking, so much so that I was reminded of when Jolinar died.

"Stay with me?" She asked.

"Probably not a good idea, not after earlier tonight. I don't want to hurt you Sam." I replied as I stroked her face, not caring in the slightest that we had transcended the military boundaries of propriety set out for us. What was happening here was as far from professional as we could get. How on Earth we were going to write our reports was beyond me. If any of this come out, we would be court martialled for sure.

"Please Jack?" She begged. I closed my eyes and shook my head. That thing had somehow taken over earlier tonight and after what I had just seen, I couldn't trust myself. It was a manifestation of the darkest parts of me. I recognised what it had been doing and it made me sick. Kishorn - Harper - Sharpe. Those dark memories flooded my mind, memories of those women, those missions, those orders. This is exactly why that door had to stay closed, to protect her from me. The thought that my darkness would consume her brilliance lanced through me. I loved her more than life, and that is why I could not be with her no matter how much I wanted to be. Bringing the Phantom cockpit up again, I pushed those memories away once again.

I ran my thumb over her cheek to pick an errant tear, "I can't, Sam." I reiterated.

"I shall stay with you Major Carter." Teal'c said sternly. "You will not be disturbed."

"I'll take your watch Teal'c. Daniel, you take Carter's."

"Yeah, OK Jack." Daniel responded.

"I can still take my watch, Sir." She replied. There it was. Sir. God, I hated that word. The one word that stood between us. The one word that kept her safe from me.

"Carter, we are not leaving you unguarded, not after what we just saw it doing."

"It wasn't doing anything, not really." She replied, though the wince on her face belied her words.

I gritted my teeth, "Carter, I saw what it was doing. Trust me, it was doing something. You are not being left alone." I bit back. I didn't want to have to explain exactly what I could see. I hoped my terseness had gotten the point across.

"But Sir?"

"Ack! Carter, just… please, follow my order?" I asked, thinking back to the time a few years ago when I had asked her the very same thing. I saw the realisation in her eyes. She nodded mutely.

"Yes, Sir."

I looked up at Teal'c and nodded. He was the best one to stay with her. I watched as the Jaffa helped her to her feet and guided her back inside her tent. I made myself comfortable on the fallen tree and chucked another log on our dwindling fire as the rest of my team turned in for the night. Two more days. God, I hoped we could get there without any more of what happened tonight.