AU: When an exploration mission goes way off the left field, Jack and Sam are left to patch up their lives. Will that door stay open? POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING: Trauma, Sexual Situations, Tragedy, Slight Non-Con early on, but nothing crazy. Please note that I am Australian, hence my spelling of words such as favourite with 'our' instead of 'or' and Mum instead of Mom.

Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are the property of MGM/Amazon. No copyright infringement intended. I am once again taking my favourite two Gaters for a walk in an Alternate Universe. Takes place after 5.05 Red Sky with some canon episodes skipped (overlooked) and others referenced.

Rating: Gonna start this one as M from the get-go.

Triggers: Consensual sex (non-explicit)

Chapter 6: Sacrifice

I watched as Carter slipped into her tent from the other side of the fire. I had changed up the tent roster after Carter's unfortunate encounter last night, putting her and Teal'c together. Plus, after today, I figured I'd be less likely to jump her if Teal'c were in her tent, than if she were with either me or Daniel. Daniel, well because that man could sleep through an earthquake, so it stood to reason that he'd sleep through Carter and I getting fresh with each other. Definitely not me, since I knew I had designs on her virtue which transcended any common sense that told me to remain as just her CO, even more so after our little slip in the ruins earlier. Oh, who was I kidding, there was nothing little about it. In fact, a few more minutes of what we were doing would have had us both screaming. I couldn't get it out my head. The silky feel of her wrapped around me, the sounds she was making… damn. I had to stop thinking about it.

I knew nothing would stop that thing from coming after her if it truly wanted to, but hopefully Teal'c's presence kept it at bay. Daniel's snores reverberated from the other tent. I smiled and shook my head. It was a good thing this wasn't a stealth mission. A particularly loud snort pulled a quiet laugh from me as I took a sip of my thermos of coffee.

Standing up and stretching, I reached for my P-90 to ready myself for a perimeter walk. I didn't really need to; we were alone here. Well, mostly alone. Holographic sex-crazed apparitions weren't a threat to anything but mine, and Carter's sanity. My round took me a little under 25 minutes, including a stop near an unlucky tree. Returning to the fire, I placed my P-90 on top of my pack, took my seat and grabbed my thermos.

A shimmering expanse manifested beside me in a kind of hovering seated position, its dark eyes focusing on the fire. We hadn't seen it all day, which was good because that gave me the time I needed to regain a modicum of control instead of trying in vain to kill an inanimate object. Though I suspected from the harried look on Carter's face when she jumped me that it had been annoying her. I rolled my eyes and figured I could ignore it. Having a version of myself sitting beside me second guessing my decisions regarding one Major Samantha Carter was not high on my list of favourite things.

"Have you decided how to navigate this?" I felt rather than heard its voice.

"Navigate what?" I responded out loud. I knew what he was talking about. I just wasn't sure what happened earlier today. Well, I knew what had happened, just not why it had happened.

"Tsk... tsk. Do you need me to remind you?" It said, casting its eyes toward her tent.

"No!" I ground out. "I'm just... not sure what happened today. She's never..." I cut off my explanation, I owed this thing nothing, besides it could read my mind anyway. Carter had never ever been so forthright, so eager, so willing, so hungry. Well, except that one time in the locker room, but that was different. This time it was all her. Part of me believed it was too good to be true. Another part was overjoyed and wanted to retire, then run her to the altar, even though I was sure her past experience with engagement would nix that pretty fast. The part of me that thought this was bad idea was much smaller by comparison. A year ago, I wasn't keen on leaving it in the room, but could live with it, because that is the way she wanted things to be. The last 12 months had been a struggle. I had shot her twice and thought I had lost her in that Russian submarine, plus there was the whole giving my brain to science thing and nearly dying in the blackness of space. Our diplomatic mission turned 4-week prison internment as different people had given me insight to what we could truly be, only to have it all ripped away with one little word. A word that I still loathed whenever she said it. While I resented Jonah for not taking things beyond first base with Thera, it made walking away from her marginally easier. Barely. Now. Now I was screwed, and I knew it.

"Perhaps she is tired of wanting and not having. Maybe she was afraid you would say no if she simply asked."

I turned to look at myself. Of course, it was in my brain thinking those words rather than saying them. Was I hearing from a part of myself that I had fought hard to ignore? A part that I steadfastly refused to listen to, that place where I hid all my secrets, the details of those classified black ops missions, things that filled me with shame – like Captain Amelia Kishorn. She hadn't been the only target of my US Government sanctioned subterfuge but she had been the worst, the hardest to come back from because of the level I had gone to to obtain the information we needed to have her charged - or was it that other room? The one where I had lock away my afternoon encounter with Carter if I wanted to stay sane.

"What are you really?" I asked silently, wanting to see if this mental communication went both ways.

It smirked, "I could get technical, I know you understand." It thought at me. I watched as a piece of wood levitated into the air and placed itself on the fire. I blinked, aghast at what I had just seen. "Call me your subconscious. The part of you that stays hidden. The shoebox of darkness living under the floorboards of your myriad of locked rooms, given the power to exist by Goa'uld technology."

"Right." I said this out loud. If anyone were listening, they'd only hear me. I tried not to think how weird that would look. Weird. I'd just watched a stick float into the fire, and I was talking to my brain. The Air Force certainly didn't provide any training for the weird shit SG-1 encountered.

"You changed the tent buddies. We always bunk with Carter. Why do that if you are finally taking it out of the room?"

I peered across my shoulder. He was still watching the fire, the flames flickering across his face. I sighed, "We don't normally fuck each other either. If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have. I have to give her an out if... no when she changes her mind. What's in that room will end her career." I replied silently, my gaze returning to the fire.

Carter had purposefully sat on the opposite side of the fire to me when we returned to camp tonight. By the time Teal'c and I returned to the ruins, she had resumed the soldier countenance, as if we had never done anything. We had walked back to camp separated by Teal'c and Daniel. It was back to Sir and Colonel and stony-faced terse responses to anything I said. Her goodnight had been stiff, resigned. She had already changed her mind about the room, I knew the signs. I'd seen them after the confession and after the ice planet. She focused her eyes over my shoulder, held her face taunt and pressed her lips together to stop from smiling. She stayed silent and when she did speak her sentences were clipped, undescriptive and closed-ended. It was probably a good thing.

"She will come to you."

"No, she won't. Not here, and not on Earth." In fact, after several hours of overthinking, I knew she would have us squarely placed behind that door, locked and the key hidden again. She had done it before and would do it again. I was proud of her resolve, her steadfastness, her integrity. Even if she did come to me to finish what we started, I would have to be strong. This time, I would have to be the one that closed that door, as much as it would pain me to do it. It was for the good of her career. I would not let her sacrifice her untarnished record for me. Besides, I didn't deserve her, just like I didn't deserve Sara. Losing Charlie had been karma for my cheating on Sara. Orders or no, I cheated on my wife. Every time I got too close to Sam, something happened to pull us apart - more karma. I couldn't expect more. How could a man with my shady past deserve anything but the despair I had forced upon others? Let alone a shining beacon like Major Samantha Carter.

"This time is different; I saw it in her eyes. She will come to you; she will come to us." The shadow repeated. This thing really didn't know her.

"Us? You're not going anywhere near her. We know how to stop you doing stuff now."

"There's a better way."

I shook my head. This is why I didn't talk about things, even with myself. Why talk about things that you can't change. Being with Sam was one of a very long list of things in my life that I could never change. "Wishful thinking. I know a little about that."

"Not this time."

I sighed, for something that was a part of me, knowing what I knew about Carter, it really was clueless. Maybe ridiculously optimistic was a better description. This must be the part of me that always held onto the sliver hope that she would see me as more than her commanding officer. If wishes were horses... but that was a cliché, and we all knew how I felt about them.

We sat by the fire for the remainder of my watch. It was strange, but I was glad for the company, even if it was just a manifestation, a shadow, part of myself that I worked to bury so that it didn't hurt so much. I thought about how Carter had blown off her brother and how she would instead be on base. My heart had leapt when she agreed to join me in my shenanigans. Being friends with her had always been enough, and yet now, after being inside her, I knew I wanted more. I knew that burying this part of myself again would be nearly impossible, but I would do it for her. I checked my watch; time was nearly up. I stood up.

"I am right, you will see." It thought as I stowed my empty thermos in my pack, then it fizzled out just as Teal'c emerged ready to take over the watch.

"O'Neill."

"Hey T, nothing's happening buddy. See you in a few hours." I said, then turned to walk to the tent I was sharing with Daniel. I figured I would be getting little sleep, what with the thoughts of Carter combined with Daniel's snoring. Once inside, I placed my rifle above my head area with the muzzle facing to the outside wall, removed my tac vest, BDU shirt, boots and pants leaving just my undershirt and boxers, then climbed in my sleeping bag. I lay awake until the rhythmic sounds of Daniel's snoring dulled enough for me to drift off.

We had behaved when we returned to camp, being careful to sit apart from each other, studiously avoiding each other's eyes except for the occasional glance here and there. Keeping up appearances you know? Yeah. Appearances. I wasn't sure why we bothered with Daniel and Teal'c, since neither had made any bones about knowing how we felt about each other. Teal'c was there that day when we confessed and Karlan knew about Thera and Jonah, so much so that Daniel pushed us to thumb our nose at what he perceived to be the injustice of the Air Force regulations. My standard answer to him being 'I wish it were that easy'.

Of course, now that I had experienced him properly, my overthinking brain had been kicked into overdrive while I lay in my sleeping bag waiting for the slumber that would never come. I had opened that door and peeked inside, and I decided that its contents were more important to me than my job, or my reputation. Talk about a 180 flip from my thoughts last night. Sure, I loved my job, going through the Gate, combating aliens, meeting new people, being a part of an amazing team who were so different to each other, it was a wonder we worked together so well, but at what cost. I could still do all of that on another team. I had merely an inkling of what I had been missing out on with Jack, and I wanted more. I was finally ready to sacrifice everything for a chance with him. A few more minutes he would have had me screaming. I had finally decided that the cost of keeping the door closed was outweighing the benefits.

If it had not been for Colonel O'Neill being zapped, I would never have truly known what he felt about me. Felt. No, that wasn't right. Not in that context anyway. I knew he had feelings for me, he had said so… twice. What I didn't know was the inner workings of his brain where I was concerned. His doppelganger had gone out of its way to make sure I knew how much Jack wanted me, describing the little things like how mesmerised he was when the sun reflected off my hair, how my eyes changed their colour blue depending on my mood, how my non-descript un-fragranced shampoo smelt like heaven, and what the sound of my giggles awoke in him, among other things. The fact that all of this had been breathed into my ear while its invisible hands were wandering my body along with a constant string of apologies for its behaviour the night before had forced me to go looking for Jack on one of his many unnecessary perimeter patrols. And now I knew how he felt as well.

So, here I was, still awake after 4 hours, in my sleeping bag, fully dressed except for my boots, thinking about those words, the breathing, the kissing and his hard cock pounding into me. Teal'c was on watch for another 10 minutes, Daniel and Jack were sleeping in the next tent. It was Daniel's watch next. I had this crazy idea of crashing Jack's tent when the watch swapped. Daniel would get up, get himself a coffee and Teal'c would come into this tent. He would see me leave. I could feign the call of nature. Except, he was a natural lie detector – he would know. Know that I had swapped, and probably guess why. Then when Daniel finished, he'd return to the tent he shared with Jack and find me, so he would know. They would both know what I had done, and by extension what we had done. If they didn't pick up on my motivation, which was highly unlikely, I knew from this afternoon that Jack was not the quietest. Then again, I discovered that neither was I. Prior to this afternoon, I had never met a man or machine good enough to make me really scream. I had said as much to Jack's shadow, the sensual laugh it let out had liquefied my insides before it proved me very very wrong. But it wasn't real, so I reasoned I had never met a real man who could make me scream until this afternoon.

I checked my watch, 6 minutes to go. Was I going to do this? Crash his tent with the purpose of seducing my boss. Yes, yes, I was. I deftly unzipped my bag and stood up, then rearranged my bag and pack before slipping my feet into my unlaced boots and exiting the tent to find Teal'c preparing to awaken Daniel.

"Major Carter? It is not your watch." He queried. I felt the panic rise. What was I doing? God, I couldn't do this. I shouldn't do this! I really wanted to do this.

"Ah yeah, tree break." I quickly replied, turning to go find private patch. I can't believe it. I was chickening out. I was letting my brain take control again. Dammit! I felt my body screaming at me to listen to what it wanted for a change, and it wanted Jack. I was less than 10 paces away when I turned back. "Ah Teal'c?" I started, he looked up, his dark eyes piercing mine. I wringed my hands. "Never mind." I said, internally kicking myself at my cowardice. I was about to turn when he spoke.

"You are not yet recovered, I shall take your watch after Daniel Jackson." He said, then bowed his head and continued toward where Daniel and Colonel were sleeping.

I smiled, he knew and yet said nothing. I knew he would know. I quickly disappeared to my chosen 'bathroom' spot to take care of business, and truth be told, work up the courage to do what I wanted to do, before returning to camp to find Teal'c in his meditation pose.

"Daniel Jackson has gone to relieve himself." Teal'c said without opening his eyes. I smiled again. I could take his spot without him knowing. I looked toward the Colonel's tent, the flap zipped up. I could do this, I wanted to do this. My body was reaching out for him, longing to feel him again. Taking in a deep breath, I walked over, unzipped the door, and slipped inside, then rezipping it before I could change my mind.

He was sound sleep. I could tell by the way his breathing was smooth and even. I quietly slipped my unlaced boots off, then unsnapped and shed my BDU pants. One less barrier, plus I was less likely to leave the tent underdressed if I lost my nerve. I considered my underwear, then before I could change my mind, I shed them as well, and laid down on my side beside him on top of Daniel's sleeping bag, my head propped on my hand, I pondered my next action. I looked down to see that his zipper was in a neat straight line along his side. It had worked itself about a fifth of the way down. Grabbing hold of it with my finger and thumb, I bit my lip and slid it down all the way to the foot of the bag.

Slipping my hand inside and smoothing it along his body, I found him in just his boxers and shirt. I leaned over him as I slid my hand further south. I was shocked to discover than he was already half way ready, my mouth watering while my throat went dry at the feel of him. He groaned and arched into my hand. Pulling back, I teased the slit in his boxers open for some skin-on-skin contact, and at the same time, I leaned down to kiss him softly while I wrapped my hand around his girth. His lips moved against mine and his hips lifted while I slowly pumped. I groaned at the feel of him growing, he was an impressive man. So much so, just the thought of him made me ready. His eyes flittered opened.

"Carter?" He murmured, his eyes were open but unfocused.

"Shhh…" I whispered, my lips against his. It took him a while to realise what was going on, but once he did, his hands were everywhere. On my back, under my shirt, then down to my six. He groaned and squeezed my nakedness and then slipped his hand around and dipped his fingers into my waiting heat. He was on his side now still kissing me.

"Sam, we shouldn't do this." He mumbled into my mouth.

"I want to, I need you." I responded breathlessly.

"But… the reg…" He started to say before I stopped him with a searing kiss.

He didn't fight me, instead pulling me to him, one hand behind my neck holding me in a passionate embrace, the other delving into my hidden haven. Both my hands were working on his boxers. As soon as they were off, he rolled me underneath him, covering me completely using his sleeping bag as a shield. I was physically ready for him to once again join with me – I had been all day, hell the whole mission. I drew my knees up accepting his body into the cradle of my thighs. My eyes widened and my mouth opened in a silent gasp as he slid home. He was slow and careful, his face buried into my neck to muffle the sound of his pleasure. I could feel him shaking as he rocked in and out.

"Wow, Sam… you feel amazing." He whispered.

"So, do… ahh… oh you." I replied with a falter when he hit my cervix a little harder than normal. He brought his lips to mine, his kisses swallowing our shared moans of pleasure. Resting his weight on his forearms, his rolled his hips with short but heavy movements. I nearly died and went to heaven. I widened my thighs to take him deeper. He moved with a longer and harder sweep punctuated with a grunt.

"Jack!" I gasped into his mouth before burying my face into his neck, afraid my small, huffed squeals from his increased speed would be heard outside.

"Shhh." He whispered in my ear as he moved, the rolling of his hips and the deep-seated pressure of his in and out movements creating a level of stimulation I had never felt before caused me to bury my face further into him, slipping my hands down his muscled back and onto his chiselled six. I wanted more. I dug my fingernails into his arse and pulled, causing him to jerk into me. The sensation it caused forced me over the edge into full orgasmic explosion. I shook under him and bit into his shoulder muscle to stifle my scream. He gave me a few moments before pulling out halfway, pushing my right leg down and pulling my left up to hook high on his hip, then rolling deeply into me at a new angle. I drew in a sharp breath as he groaned, his thrusting picking up tempo, until the crunching of boots on gravel and the zip of the tent opening forced him to stop, his mouth over mine. Inky black-brown eyes telling me not to move.

"Where is it? Are there… dammit Jack!" Daniel muttered as he shoved the edge of the sleeping bag away to grab whatever item he was looking for. Jack held his place pressed deep within me resting heavily on a spot so sensitive, I struggled not to cry out. Eventually, the zipper reengaged, and the crunching steps moved away.

Jack looked down at me and waggled his eyebrows. "Close one." He muttered as he resumed his movements, this time a little harder and most certainly faster. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth against another moan.

Forcing his weight onto his left forearm, his right hand hooking my knee once again and pushed it higher to hook over his shoulder effectively making me do the splits. He muffled my little squeal with his lips on mine as he pounded into me, the kiss not lasting long since we both needed to breathe. The new angle caused him to deliciously grind against my G-spot. My second orgasm ignited and shot down to my toes, curling them into tight balls while my fingers sank into his hips, and biting the corded muscle of his other shoulder to muffle my cries. He would have marks. If we had been more private, I would have screamed his name. So much for always being quiet. It seems I just needed the right man. This man.

Ripping his lips from mine, my whispered name tumbled out of his mouth along with a litany of other monosyllabic words including the ones I wanted to hear more than anything in the world – "I love you Sam". I felt tears of happiness roll down my as I felt him go over the edge with a long, muffled groan, his warmth filling me completely. I looked up to see his eyes squeezed shut, his neck straining and his mouth open in what looked like a silent cry of pleasure. Slowly he relaxed and looked down at me. Then smiled and kissed my nose, cheeks, and lips in quick succession. I smiled back. Rolling off me and onto his back, he pulled me with him, both arms wrapped around me securely. He was back asleep almost immediately. We had just under 2 hours until my watch.

I smiled again, "Love you too, Jack." I responded as I closed my eyes and snuggled into his embrace.

I had no idea how we were going to do this, but now that we had, I was determined to make it work for as long as possible. If we were found out, well, we would cross that bridge when we came to it.