AU: When an exploration mission goes way off the left field, Jack and Sam are left to patch up their lives. Will that door stay open?

Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are the property of MGM/Amazon. No copyright infringement intended. I am once again taking my favourite two Gaters for a walk in an Alternate Universe. Takes place after 5.05 Red Sky with some canon episodes skipped (overlooked) and others referenced.

Rating: Gonna start this one as M from the get-go.

TRIGGER WARNING: Nothing specific.

Chapter 9: Escape

Time appeared to have slowed down. I watched her take out the Jaffa from my spot behind the rock, the ricocheting rounds bouncing off his armour and the DHD to pummel Carter's vest, arm, and head. Her sunglasses had fallen off her face during the fight. I stared into her crystalline eyes and saw her call out my name as her blood flowed down her face. Not my rank, or my honorific, my name.

"CARTER!" I shouted, running to her from my place of cover as she hit the ground. I reached her just as the Gate connected. There was blood everywhere. Her whole right arm was peppered, and her head… oh God, her head had a perfect entry hole on the upper right side, blood oozing turning her golden hair into a crimson sticky mess. "Major… shit, stay with me. Sam!" I begged as I cradled her head. What had I done? Our last two conversations had been stunted and full of lies.

"Jack… Jack…" Daniel called out as he skidded to a stop near me. "The code is sent… oh my God Sam… what happened? Jack!" He said, shaking me out of my silence. I looked up at him. Now was not the time for self-recriminations. I snapped out of it.

"Med kit!" I demanded. The rise and fall of her chest told me she was breathing. Daniel immediately dropped his pack and retrieved it while I ran my fingers down her neck to check the strength of her pulse. It was there, but thready. Small mercies. I checked her head again as Daniel passed the gauze and bandages and took our rifles. The wound was small, so I figured it was only shrapnel rather than an entire round. I immediately checked the back of her head.

"There is no exit wound Daniel, whatever hit her is still in there. We have to get her back to Janet." I choked out as I applied the bandages to head and arm then unclipped her pack. "Radio through that we have a medical emergency, then return the MALP. Teal'c, you grab her pack." I threw around my orders like I hadn't just lost the most important person in my life. No. Not lost, I couldn't… wouldn't think like that - she was still here. "C'mon Sam, stay with me."

With the bandaging done, I stood and hefted her into my arms. Looking for Daniel and Teal'c, I found they were already on the platform. I could hear Daniel's voice relaying the need for a med team in stereo through both Sam's and my radio while he manoeuvred the MALP. I looked down to see Carter's blue eyes staring back at me. Her face was droopy, she blinked slowly, but her left eye did not close fully, like she had no control.

"Sam? It's OK, I've got you… I've got you." I soothed before stepping through the Gate.

I came out the other side to a cacophony. Hammond ordering the iris closed, the squeaking sound of the MALP tyres on the metal ramp, Janet ordering people out of her way and the clattering wheels of the gurney as it was rolled into the Gate room. I walked down the ramp, my eyes still on Sam's as laid her down and stepped back, not realising I was anchored. At some point she had curled her fingers into my vest. I tried to disengage them, but they were stuck in that position.

"Looks like you're along for the ride Colonel." Janet said. I looked at her and then at the General.

"Go with her Jack. We debrief in 2 hours." The General said. I nodded and put my hands on the gurney to help push it to the elevators. I didn't remove my eyes from hers the whole way, silently telling her that I was here. That I was not going anywhere. That I was sorry, and stupid, an idiot in the first degree. That I loved her, begging her not to leave me.

"What happened Colonel?" Janet asked once we arrived in the elevator. I looked over to see her checking vitals while a nurse was preparing a saline drip, the bag for which was cradled between Carter's legs. "Colonel?"

"Jaffa… 4 of them came through the Gate as we were leaving. She fired at one close range from behind the DHD, her rounds, they must have ricocheted…" I closed my eyes remembering the slow-motion scene. "I think she has shrapnel lodged in her head."

"Unzip your vest Colonel, we'll take her straight to surgery." Janet replied. I complied with her request, removing one arm then spinning around the remove the other arm. Carter still had a firm grip on the vest that reminded me of rigor mortis. A condition that I had seen on fallen soldiers far too many times in my career. That was a scary thought. Placing the vest on top of her just as the elevator doors opened, I was left standing in the corridor as I watched her being rushed away from me, Janet turning her bed right instead of left. The pain of possibly losing her so much greater now that I knew what I was missing.

"Colonel, if you'll come with me, please?" A small yet forceful voice said. I turned to find Lieutenant Nicolls, Janet's protégé Napoleon if ever I met one . "I will handle your post-mission medical Sir."

"Yeah sure." I said and followed her to the infirmary. I sat on the bed while the Lieutenant poked and prodded – blood pressure, temperature, heart rate, breathing, eyes, ears, blood work, needles full of some stuff that I never bothered to ask about – my mind on everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. At some point Teal'c and Daniel came in the room. I didn't register anything other their movement.

"You're free to go Sir." The nurse said. I nodded, pulled my over shirt back on and hopped down. I needed a shower. The walk to the locker rooms was slow, but I made it eventually.

My shower was hot and welcoming. Grabbing my soap, I went through the motions and stood under the steaming water feeling the grime from the mission slough away. Unfortunately the feeling of fear, dread, and betrayal stayed with me – fear that she would never come out of surgery; dread that if she did, she wouldn't remember me, I had seen the aftermath of enough brain injuries to know that was possible; and finally, my betrayal of her, allowing it to come out of the room only to lock it away again when I knew she was ready for more. Every excuse I had for why I wasn't what she needed no longer mattered. She needed me and I needed her, like Yin Yang, without the other half, they were nothing but tears. Her light was the balance to my dark.

I turned the water off and stepped out, walking to my locker wrapping my towel around my hips as I went. I opened the door, my eyes immediately falling to the little black velvet box. I'd bought it on a whim after she survived the computer virus. I nearly gave it to her several times, but always chickened out. I turned my head at the sound of the door opening.

"Jack." Daniel said. Teal'c was behind him. I looked away. "What happened?"

"You saw as much as I did Daniel. She got shot." I answered as I pulled fresh clothes out of my locker.

"That's not what I am talking about Jack." He had moved closer. "You guys go from talking and chatting like the best friends I know you are, to not talking at all on the walk back."

"We talked, you weren't there when she got up or when we were walking alone, Daniel." I shot back.

"Really? What about that second affirmative on the radio this morning, it wasn't Teal'c. She left camp and you let her go. So, what happened to not leaving her alone, Jack?" He pressed. "What if that thing came back and assaulted her again?"

"Not possible."

"Not possible. Of course, it was possible. It's not like you would have done anything to make it leave permanently!"

I couldn't take it anymore. I slammed the locker door closed so hard it bounced back open. "Well, we did, Daniel, and it did go away. There are you happy now?"

"You what? When…" He stuttered.

"Last night Daniel, while you were on watch." I replied as I hastily donned a new set of clothes.

"But that's a good thing… isn't it?" He asked.

"It was… until it wasn't."

"What the hell does that mean? It was until it wasn't. What did you do?" He glared at me until realisation washed across his face. "She put herself out there and you rejected her." I didn't answer. How could I. I sat down to tug on my boots and lace them. "I can't believe you, Jack! Why would you do that?"

Getting up and walking back to my opened locker, I asked, "Can we not do this Daniel?" I closed the door in a more civilised manner and picked up my towel.

He just shook his head, "So you finally talked about this thing and..." he stopped when I closed my eyes, then I heard a small gasp. "Jack… you didn't?" My swallow was audible. "You slept with her!" He said a little too loud.

"Dammit Daniel, why don't you say it a bit louder. I don't think Hammond quite heard you!" I bit off.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You know what, you're right, you don't deserve her, maybe you did at one point. Argh!" He spat, then I heard stomping moments before the door opened and slammed shut. He was preaching to the choir. I knew I didn't deserve her, but if she came out of this, I was willing to try every damn day to be the man she deserved. If she didn't, then I would be whatever she needed me to be.

I turned my head to see Teal'c's stony glare boring into me. "O'Neill, Major Carter is like a sister to me. If you have indeed hurt her, I shall challenge you to Ket Mattet." Then he turned and left. I wasn't sure what that was, but it didn't sound good. My decision to put us back in the room had not only lost me Carter, but Daniel and Teal'c as well. Looking at my watch, I found I still had an hour until the debriefing. My options included going to the commissary, or starting on my mission report. Since I wasn't feeling overly hungry, I opted for the second.

The hour passed quickly, and I was surprised that I had managed to start and finish my report, being sure to leave out all the intimacies. I couldn't leave out the other me entirely since any returning team would need to be aware of why they had to stay away from the middle of the room. I walked into the briefing room to find the General and the rest of my team – sans Carter – waiting for me.

"Colonel. Shall we get this started?"

"Sure, ah Sir… have we heard about…"

"She's still in surgery Jack, Doctor Fraiser will inform me the minute she is out."

I nodded and took my seat. Daniel started talking about the temple. Aside from berating me, he had clearly spent the time preparing slides and notes. I only half listened to his explanation of the ruins, what he thought each building was for and the types of worship.

"So, this apparition of Jack… how did it act?"

"Manifestation." He corrected. "It acted much like the real Jack, only with less restraint. It walked like him, talked like him, but it didn't hold back like he does, well most of the time." I couldn't help but to hear his disapproval of my actions in his voice.

"I see, so how did you get rid of it." The General asked. I was about to answer when Daniel continued.

"We don't know General, we think once we moved away from the temple, that it simply ceased to exist. We figured it needs a power source hidden somewhere in the complex to stay active." He replied. I looked up to see him maintaining eye contact with the General during his blatant lie. Looks like my report needed a few things changed particularly about it visiting the camp. Daniel and the General discussed the need for a research team to return, but I didn't hear much of that, my mind still focused on how much I had screwed up.

"OK, I think we are done here. I expect your reports before I go on vacation. Doctor Jackson, you are scheduled to join SG-7 on their mission to P3X-888. Teal'c, you are free to join him. Colonel, I need to see you about the stand-down crew, then you have the next few days to yourself. Dismissed." The General stood and walked back to his office. I stood and looked at Daniel as he gathered his things.

"For what it's worth Daniel, thank you." I said to him, then turned to head to the General's office just as Janet entered the room still in her surgery scrubs.

"Colonel. General." Janet said.

"How is she, Doctor?" The General asked. I hadn't realised he had walked back out until he spoke.

"We removed several pieces of shrapnel from her right arm and another piece from her brain. Luckily the damage appears to be relatively minor, though not completely harmless with most of the injury being to her substantia grisea and only a small area of her substantia alba affected. She has a mild contusion, and we are monitoring for intracerebral haemorrhage or hematoma. The first 24 to 48 hours will give us more of an idea."

I just nodded. Sadly, I understood most of what the Doctor had said, having been on the end of a severe head injury before.

"What kinds of permanent affects can we expect Doctor?" The General asked.

"I don't wish to speculate Sir, since we won't know more until she wakes."

"Humour me, Doctor."

I buried my hands in my pockets as I listened to the Doctor rattle off things like gross motor skill impairment, amnesia, inability to walk, talk or eat, emotional dysregulation. I felt sick, even though I knew there was nothing I could have done to stop it happening.

"…I have her on a relatively strong antibiotic and a sedative. We will perform a follow up MRI on her before the end of the week to see if she has any additional swelling. If the MRI results are promising, we will discontinue her sedation which should allow her to awaken if she is able."

"Thank you, Doctor. Can we see her?" Daniel asked with a carefully veiled smile.

"Tomorrow, tonight she needs rest." Janet replied.

"Thank you, Doctor. Dismissed." Hammond replied. Janet nodded then turned and left. I looked at my boots, I needed to get out of here. I'd see the General and make the modifications to my report and then head home. A few days wasn't enough time to go to Minnesota and fully decompress. I hoped that a few days away from this place would help me come to terms with the possibility that Sam would never be Sam again. Of course, there was always the chance that she would regain all of her faculties, but never remember what we had, and go back to being Major Sam Carter. She would go back on SG-1 fighting Goa'uld, kicking arse and saving the planet. In that scenario, there was no place for me in that dynamic other than as her commanding officer. If that happened, then I resolved to close that door and let her be her old self, no matter how much it broke my heart.