AU: When an exploration mission goes way off the left field, Jack and Sam are left to patch up their lives. Will that door stay open?

Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are the property of MGM/Amazon. No copyright infringement intended. I am once again taking my favourite two Gaters for a walk in an Alternate Universe. Takes place after 5.05 Red Sky with some canon episodes skipped (overlooked) and others referenced.

Rating: Gonna start this one as M from the get-go.

TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of non-con/rape in conversation.

Chapter 12: Realisation

My trip up the mountain had been a sorry second to Minnesota, even if I had done the unthinkable and rented a small cabin. After the last mission, I was all camped out for a while. If only I had had enough time to go to my cabin and truly unwind – poker with the boys from the local volunteer firefighters, fishing, hiking, catching up with Rick from the sheriff's office, hell sitting on my dock enjoying the peacefulness of the Silver Creek wilderness – all things that would normally help me overcome whatever shit had gone wrong in my life. Unfortunately, I had to make do with three days at Pikes Peak. Three days to get over and move on from the love of my life, trying to convince myself that everything I felt was wrong and illegal and a fleeting thing – just lust. Yeah right. Being with Sam, loving her, holding her could never be wrong, and it certainly wasn't fleeting or lust. I missed her. I loved her. My regrets in lying to her and not confirming that I meant what I said compounded my heartache. How on Earth could I ever think that we could open that door and then close it again. I was a fool, and now I had all but lost her.

I had been expecting some type of amnesia, it was common with brain injuries like Sam's. I wasn't a superstitious man, but this just rang of bad luck. We take it out of the room, and she gets injured, forgetting everything that had happened between us. Forgetting me. Hell, maybe she is the lucky one. If she never remembers, then I could just pretend that the door had never opened. Pretend that the most amazing woman I have ever met walked through that door five years ago and turned my world upside down. Except, I couldn't. How do you forget? How do you move on? Our couplings had not been ideal – certainly not my idea of a first time – but it had been wonderful and perfect and breathtaking, and I'd be lying if I said my heart wasn't breaking at the thought that she'd never know what we had, even for such a short time.

I trudged down the corridor from the first bank of elevators.

"Colonel O'Neill, Sir! Welcome back. General Hammond has left a message for you to report to his office immediately." The Airman at the check point said with a snapped salute.

"Thank you, Hudson, let him know I'm on my way." I responded as I signed the register.

"Yes Sir." He replied. I returned his salute and made my way to the elevator.

Thanks to Daniel calling yesterday, I had a pretty good idea what this was about. I would once again pull out the 'she's a very important member of my team' speech and request retirement if that didn't placate the General, only to be denied again. I dimly recall someone saying something about insanity and expecting a different outcome to repetitive actions. Carter would know if she could remember. As I exited the elevator on 27, I bumped into Doctor Fraiser, her head buried in medical files.

"Colonel. Sorry I didn't see you." She said startled.

"See, I keep telling Daniel that reading is hazardous to your health." I quipped.

She smirked. "Yes, well, it's a necessary evil I am afraid." She replied, her gaze levelled on me. She dropped her head. She had her thinking face on, "Colonel."

"Yes." I replied, rolling on the balls of my feet.

Janet tilted her head toward the elevator. I took the hint and followed her in. She hit the button for every floor between 27 and 21. I raised my eyebrows. "I had to move her to a different isolation room. One without cameras."

"Why, is she OK?" I asked.

"She's as well as can be expected. Her awaking moments are increasing. She has movement in her face and can grasp somethings, but still no words or visual recognition when awake. When she is sleeping, she has been monosyllabic, but talkative, if you know what I mean." I nodded. "Colonel, I need you to tell me if anything happened on that mission."

"Yes, she was shot Janet." I responded as the doors opened on 26 and I jammed by finger on the close doors button.

"Sir don't be obtuse. You know what I mean." She chided. As the base CMO, she was the only Major who could get away with talking to me that way. Well, her and Carter. I just looked at her not wanting to give voice to my thoughts. She sighed, "Jack, she's been on some pretty strong antibiotics for almost a week." She said without elaborating any further. Did she know? There would have been evidence if an examination was done. I swallowed. Shit. Ding. Level 25.

"Oh, I see." I replied, not wanting to show the emotion swirling around in my mind. Antibiotics screwed with things, things that prevented other things. Janet had been there the day we confessed. She knew the stakes. Her slight nod told me that she knew more than she was saying, and more than she was reporting.

"I assume Daniel told you about her awaking dream?" I nodded silently. "It happened again last night, only this time she said 'please don't do this to us' before falling back asleep. It wasn't in one long sentence like that and her words were truncated, but it wasn't hard to piece it together. Her ability to speak while asleep, but not while awake is not uncommon at this stage of recovery. She still doesn't seem to recognise Daniel or Teal'c, though she has developed a fascination with Teal'c's tattoo." She said, gauging my response to her new information as the doors opened on level 24. I recalled Sara talking about my inability to sleep properly for over six months after my accident and my outbursts of anger over little things, such as throwing the griddle across the room when I dropped a half-cooked pancake on the floor and screaming Mary-hell when I could not brush my own teeth.

"I thought maybe showing her the footage when she woke up at 0430 this morning, but I'm afraid I made things worse. She got upset when she couldn't get the words out, she became angry to the point of throwing things. We were forced to give her a mild sedative when she attacked any of my staff that entered her room."

"How about Daniel and Teal'c. Can they go in?" I asked as level 23 came and went.

"We haven't tried since she is still out of it. I was hoping you'd try first considering her dreams."

Great. Now, I was a guinea pig. A willing one, because I would pretty much do anything for Samantha Carter. "I'll see what I can do." I replied.

"It's normal for people to react badly in a situation like this." She reminded me. I nodded. God was it ever. Sara had been so patient with me, I don't know how we managed to get through those months, especially with Charlie being so little. "Colonel, I may have to refer her to Doctor MacKenzie to help with memory retrieval hypnosis once she is in a position to consent."

"What?" I nearly yelled, startling an airman as he passed by when the doors opened on level 22. Jamming my finger on the close doors button again and waiting, "Why? There are three reports and a debrief covering the mission." Having Sam go through hypnosis again chilled me. Last time had been bad enough, this time… I didn't want to even think about it. "Janet, if she remembers that way, bad things will happen." I said simply, not confessing entirely, but giving her enough of a lead to understand what I was saying. Janet regarded me silently. The elevator door chimed its arrival at level 21. She stepped out.

"I'm afraid Colonel, that it may be out of my hands."

"What? You are the CMO, how can it be out of your hands?" I queried, holding the doors open.

"Therapy is not my domain, Colonel." She sighed. "All I can suggest is that you help her while the General is away. He goes on holiday tonight leaving you in charge. I can give you until the base returns to normal operations."

"A fortnight?" I queried, lifting my hand from the sensor.

"Yes, Sir." Janet replied as the door slid closed and I started my return journey back down to level 27. I leant my head against the closed doors. Two weeks. There was no question, I had to help her remember, otherwise MacKenzie would roll in with his sedatives and his hypnosis and… God I didn't want to think about the reaction if she remembered our love making or our fight. Burying what happened between us on that mission was no longer an option. Considering I had nearly punched MacKenzie last time, I doubted I'd be let into the room. The elevator dinged on 27 and the doors slid open. I sighed, time to face the music. A few minutes later, I knocked on the General's door and heard the 'Enter' reverberate from within. I opened the door and stood at attention.

"Good Morning Sir."

"Good Morning Colonel, take a seat." He replied. I frowned internally at the formality of his greeting. It had been a long time since he had addressed me as such unless we were with other senior officers, or I was in trouble. It was usually just Jack, or occasionally 'son' when he was feeling friendly or concerned. I took the seat that was offered but didn't relax since his tone suggested this conversation would be anything other than reposeful. He looked up. "I trust your sojourn was relaxing." He queried.

"It was Sir, thank you." I replied.

"I'm not going to beat around the bush Colonel. Major Carter has been saying things that I find concerning, things that suggest an improper relationship." He said matter-of-factly.

"Sir, I can assure you nothing has happened." I lied. I'd had years to perfect my poker face where my feelings for Sam were concerned.

"I see. Colonel, I'm sure you are aware that having these outbursts on surveillance means that it has to be reported."

"I am aware Sir, but with all due respect, Major Carter has a brain injury and her outbursts happened whilst coming out of sedation and then while she was asleep." I explained. I had to try and highlight her lack of lucidity here.

"Yes. Your point Colonel?"

"Sir, I've had a severe brain injury. I am told some of the stuff I sprouted whilst in a perpetual daze of drugs and mind fogginess was downright strange. I am told I even escaped the hospital intent on going to Gotham City to find Batman. Could this not be the same kind of thing, Sir?" I asked. That last part was not true, well not for me. Charlie had done that inside his first week of Year 1. One of the many good and funny memories of my son that I cherished, though back then it was anything but funny.

He didn't answer my question, merely just studied me with suspicion clouding his eyes. Holding his gaze with my own, I made sure to keep all emotion from my face. Finally, he sighed and picked up the phone. "Walter. Yes, son." Then he hung up. I didn't hear the other side of the conversation, but he couldn't have said much. Focusing back on me, his steepled his fingers and waited another minute. "Jack, let's have an off the record discussion that has been needed for four years."

"Four years, Sir?"

He half smiled, then leaned forward. "Let's split the difference and call it two years, right around when Doctor Carter visited." I swallowed and muttered an affirmative. He motioned for me to continue. It was now or never.

Relaxing back into my chair and sat quietly for a few moments, needing that time to compose myself. "It... the thing... followed us back to camp."

"This is contrary to what was discussed at the debriefing and in your report, son."

"Yeah."

"Go on."

"It could... ah... was able to take control of me." I swallowed thinking of how I had all but forced myself on Sam. I stood up and paced a little then leant my back against one of his walls and closed my eyes. "She stopped me and I ran, the guys came to find me. When I... we got back, it was..." I swallowed, remembering the scene. Stopping to compose myself again before continuing, "It had made itself, I dunno, corporeal enough to do things." I opened my eyes to find him studying me.

"Things?"

Licking my lips and closing my eyes. "How much of my black ops reports did you see in unredacted form, Sir?"

"All of them, son."

"Right. So if I were to say Captain Amelia Kishorn, you would know what I saw it doing."

The General narrowed his eyes. He was thinking. "Kishorn." He said the name as if it would jog his memory.

"Late 1990, rooting out terrorist sympathisers in the US armed forces while in Iraq." I reminded him. His eyes went wide with realisation.

"Dear God in heaven." The General muttered, his eyes flashing from shock and disbelief to anger.

"Yeah, I opened the tent and found myself... this thing that looked like me doing that to Carter… even though she was fully dressed." I said, unable to stop the broken sound in my voice. "It tormented her... us. Verbally, physically, mentally. Several of Daniel's translations said there was no escape, that it would follow us home, unless we umm... gave in." I confessed without saying exactly what happened.

"Gave in?" He asked. I nodded and looked down at my boots. "I see." He stayed silent for a little while, contemplating what I had said, then checked his watch and motioned for me to return to my seat. The sudden flickering of a small red light in my peripheral vision grabbed my attention, though I did not openly look it at. My time off the record was up. Bringing my mask back into place, I focused back on Hammond.

The General slowly opened the folder in front of him. "Colonel, the Russian SGC has contacted me, one of their research teams are working on P2X-338 for some time. The mission is standard recon and research. They have asked that we provide logistical support from here. The Russian team assigned as support will be here in 3 hours."

"Sir, with all due respect, why do they need our help?" I asked. I didn't really want to help a bunch of ruski's, call it professional disrespect. I wanted to be with Sam rather than spending my time entertaining a bunch of foreigners.

"Because Colonel, they are our allies whether you like it or not, and because I am wearing the stars, not you." He said standing from his position. "We will brief as soon as Colonel Zukhov and his team arrive." I stood along with him waiting for my dismissal. "I expect your completed report from P6X-755 on my desk before the end of the day."

"Sir?" I queried, since I knew I had already handed it in before I left.

He looked at me silently communicating that I was provide a modified version closer to the truth without too much truth. "Evidently, you forgot to sign it Colonel." He replied, handing it back to me with what looked like Daniel and Teal'c's reports tucked inside.

"Of course, Sir."

"Oh, and Colonel, you are not to discuss any base matters with Major Carter. As it stands, she does not have clearance." This request made me see red causing me to briefly forget who I was speaking to.

"WHAT!?" I almost shouted, adding a much more subdued 'Sir' a moment later. "Sorry Sir" I apologised at the angry look that crossed his features and came swiftly to attention.

"Dismissed Colonel!" He yelled. I saluted and left quickly before he decided to press charges. Dammit, his request was reasonable considering her current amnesic state.

I cursed myself during my walk back to the elevators. If I was trying to show that there was no impropriety between Carter and I, well I had just unraveled the last four years of carefully laid groundwork to keep my feelings a secret. After the General went to the trouble of turning off the cameras, I had to go and pull a dangling thread after they were back on. Just great! I could avoid the infirmary. No. I couldn't, because that would be more obvious, and Carter hadn't done anything wrong. I just hoped she'd let me into her room.

Even if she didn't, I would chance it because I wanted to see her. It had been four days since I carried her through the Gate. Four days since I had gazed into her blue eyes, even longer since I had heard her laugh or seen her smile or brushed my fingers over her skin. Not that I could do that last one in the infirmary, I normally reserved that for when we were walking side by side or sitting at the briefing table where our hands were hidden. I smiled, whilst 755 had been our first intimate time together, I realised we really never had left it in the room. Over the years, our team movie nights gave us the opportunity to explore this thing we had without ever leaving first base. Daniel and Teal'c had always turned a blind eye to what we were doing when the lights were off. It had been years since I had actually seen an entire movie.

After stopping by my room to grab one of my many chess boards, I made my way into Carter's room to find her propped up in bed looking very bored.

"Hey Carter." I called as I pushed her door closed. She looked at me with a blank stare. Oh boy, this was harder than I thought it would be. Daniel was right. It was that damn computer infection all over again. I smiled and walked over, placing the folded board on the table. She looked at the board, then at me.

"Chess, Carter. I might beat you this time." I said with a smile. We were in fact fairly evenly matched, though I was hoping that one of our favourite pastimes would help with her recognition. I unfolded the board to retrieve the pieces, then turned it over. Finally, she gave me what I longed for, a small half smile. Well, more like a twitch of her lips, but in my mind, it was a smile. That was recognition, wasn't it?

"White always goes first. You line them up like this." I said, starting the set up. She watched me closely, then picked up a black piece and copied where I put mine on her side of the board. Fumbling with the pawns, she scrunched up her hands and grimaced.

"Hey, hey. It's OK. Let me help you." I said grabbing her hand and running my thumb over her knuckles. She sucked in a breath and looked at me with those 'I've died and gone to heaven' blue eyes. Then she squeezed my hand. My heart skipped a beat.

"Sam?" I breathed, wondering if that squeeze was more recognition. She blinked slowly and looked back at the board. No smile, no second squeeze. Trying to ignore the pain settling in my chest, I went back to setting up her side of the board.

Pushing my first piece forwards, "Pawns move one square forward only, unless it's their first move, then they can move two squares. They can only take an enemy piece diagonal one space." I explained as I moved my King's pawn forward two squares. We spent the next hour playing slowly through with me explaining every move and how each piece was important. The first game ended with us in a stalemate, with only our Kings still on the board.

"Well that was fun. Wanna go again?" I asked. She nodded and started putting pieces back. Despite her slower movements, she managed to set the board up correctly. "You first." I prompted. Less than ten moves later, she castled and knocked my King over. My jaw dropped open. I hadn't even shown her castling yet, since I figured starting with less complex moves was better. "Sam? You remembered. That's great." I said cheerily, reaching for and squeezing her hand. She immediately started setting up again. The third game saw me winning in four moves, her eyes focused on every move I made.

She scowled and pushed the whole board off the table and slumped back into her bed. "NO!" She yelled. That had been her first word awake.

"Sam?" She said nothing.

I sighed and crouched to play 32 chess piece pick up. When I stood up again, her eyes were focused back on me and all traces of anger gone. Smiling at her, then focusing on packing away the pieces on the inside of the board and stowing it in her bedside cupboard, before pulling up a chair to sit beside her. She watched me watching her. Without warning, she reached out and traced the small scar on my left eyebrow. Her head tilted slightly to the side as her fingers trailed across my temple, up and along the shell of my ear then down my cheek. I had to focus on keeping my breathing under control as her fingers made their way along the line of my jaw before trailing down my throat to my shirt collar. Oh boy. I could feel the goose bumps along my arms and neck. So absorbed in her movements, I had not realised where her fingers were until the sound of my nametag being removed grabbed my attention. Bringing it up to her face, she studied it like one of her doohickeys.

"You like that?" I asked her, prompting her eyes to come back to mine. Looking down at her hospital gown, she ran her fingers over the same area but found nothing. "You have CARTER on yours." I said, smiling while I watched her trace the letters of my surname with her fingers. Laying back, she placed my nametag on her chest in the same place. Oh, how I wished she could wear my name. Reaching forward to retrieve it, she batted my hands away.

"No." She said, then straightened it.

"If you want yours, I can go get it."

"No." She repeated, this time folding her hand around my tag and holding fast.

"No?" I questioned with a smirk.

She looked back at me, still without any expression. "No Sir." She replied drily as her eyes drooped closed and her hand closed into a tighter fist around my nametag. I would not be getting that back anytime soon.

I could not help the smile on my face. "Time to sleep Carter." I whispered, placing a kiss on my fingers before touching her cheek. I couldn't believe it. She called me Sir. As much as I hated that word, hearing it from her just then filled me with joy. What little of my apprehension and denial evaporated. She remembered me, and I was damned if I would be anywhere but here. Well, and the briefing with the Russian team. But once that was done, undomesticated equines would not keep me from her bedside.

A/N: The escape caper from Year 1 to find Batman at Gotham City was a real event perpetuated by my now 8 year old son when he was still in Kindergarten. To this day, he holds the record at the school as the only kindergartener to ever escape. He made it 200 metres down the road and had a Teacher's Assistant and Deputy Principal chasing him.