AU: When an exploration mission goes way off the left field, Jack and Sam are left to patch up their lives. Will that door stay open?
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are the property of MGM/Amazon. No copyright infringement intended. I am once again taking my favourite two Gaters for a walk in an Alternate Universe. Takes place after 5.05 Red Sky with some canon episodes skipped (overlooked) and others referenced.
Rating: Gonna start this one as M from the get-go.
Trigger Warning: Nightmare about the attack. I have tried to write this from both Jack and Sam's POV's combined instead of two sections from separate POV's.
A/N: Sorry for not posting last night as per normal, the whole family has come down with the worst cold that has had us laid up for almost two days.
Chapter 16: Nightmares
Jack and Sam - afternoon after chair racing
Watching over Sam while she slept had always been one of my favourite things to do. Smiling when she made several small sleep sounds, I turned back to my paperwork. Well Hammond's paperwork. Apparently, the food storage was down to its last five catering sized tins of ground coffee. Reason enough for the urgent requisition that I just signed off moment ago while Walter stood by waiting to deliver it personally to the administration on level 3. Next to having no coffee, being invaded by the Goa'uld seemed a fairly minor inconvenience.
The sound of Sam moving again had me looking up from the incident report involving a member of the scientist team, fingers, and some two-part epoxy resin - probably Felger – when I noticed she had become restless. Her hands were clenching and unclenching, head thrashing and her back arching.
"No… no…g-get…o-o-o… NO!" She cried out as the nightmare took hold. They were common in our line of work. This was not the first time I had witnessed one of hers.
"Sam. Hey Sam… you're OK, I'm here." I soothed, picking up one of her hands. She arched her back again and again, a scared whimper leaving her lips before she struggled some more.
"G-g-g-go a-a-w… No… Lea…" She arched and struggled some more, her words broken, her mouth contorting trying to get the words out. Bringing her hand to my lips, I kissed it softly and ran my thumb across her knuckles.
Sam
I couldn't move. Something… no someone, was leaning on me. Heavily. "Who are you?" I asked, trying to dislodge whoever it was from my back. Heavy breathing washed over my shoulders and in my ear as I turned my head to see who it was. Wriggling again to try and get out didn't help.
"What do you want?" The weight on my back made breathing hard. Grunting, he pressed himself into me and I realised what was happening.
"Stop! Please!" I begged my assailant. Everything was dark and foggy. Nothing but shades of grey and black. I could see what looked like the outline of a tent door when I awkwardly lifted my head. Was I camping? I didn't think so. No. I was in the infirmary. Wasn't I?
"Samantha!" The voice groaned. I knew that voice.
"Jack?" I asked. "Sir, I can't move, please help me." I asked my CO, struggling against the weight. Then another realisation hit me. It was him. Jack was the one holding me down. "Colonel? What are you doing?" I struggled some more, but his hands clamped down harder while his hips ground into me again and again.
"You cannot deny me." He whispered, his lips trailing over my ear. Suddenly he shoved my leg up to the side and held it down. No, he wouldn't. Jack wouldn't. I was dressed. This wasn't real. But Jack with the warm smile and nice eyes, he wouldn't - would he?
"No!" I cried out, bucking to try and dislodge him. "Jack – stop!" My words did nothing. He held me harder. Then I felt something rub along my sex through my clothes. As in completely through. But my clothes were still on. He did it again and again pulling an unbidden moan of pleasure from my lips. At first it felt good but I knew it was not mutual. That he was taking what he wanted. "JACK!" I cried out desperately as I felt him penetrate me. "NO… NO… GET OFF!" I screamed and bucked. My cries seemed only to fuel his movements. He slammed into me hard over and over.
"I want you Sam, I know you want me." He said while hammering into me so hard my body spasmed and pain arced through my nerves, radiating down my legs and into my stomach until a mini explosion ignited and ripped through me. "Good, good, Samantha. Again." He ordered as he picked up speed.
"Oh God!" I cried out, hating the fact that he had brought me to orgasm while raping me. "Please, stop." I asked, "Please Jack. Don't do this." Not Jack, never Jack, at least not the one I dreamt of. But that voice - his voice. My cries of pain and anguish turned to sobs as he continually drove into my body, bringing me to orgasm again and again and again. This was truly a nightmare, a much longer one than normal. Why couldn't a dream about him the way I normally did. I heard myself cry out his name. Begging the real Jack to stop this, but he never came, and this version of him never stopped.
"Now, now, baby. I know you want this." He said into my ear. I didn't want this, and I couldn't believe that he did. With tears streaming down my face and helpless cries of terror as he kept up his assault, I remembered his scowling face, his rejection. Him telling me that I was nothing but a good time. For the last year, I thought he loved me, and I stupidly continued to return his feelings hoping for an elusive one day. Now, I was firmly in my place with him taking his pleasure while I sobbed. It was Jonas all over again. I deserved this. All of it. Jonas told me that, now - finally - I believed him.
Jack
"Shhh… Sam, you're OK, it's a nightmare. You're safe. I've got you." I said quietly trying to break through the haze of the nightmare without putting myself in a compromising position. It was different off-world where we were alone in the tent or by the fire. I could get closer, hold her, comfort her. I had found that drawing circles on her stomach had soothed her, but I could not do that here despite there being no cameras. It was just my luck that someone would walk in and see me. A commanding officer should not know certain things about his team.
"Plees… st-st-st…" She whimpered and tried to thrash without success. Suddenly it dawned on me. She was dreaming of that thing, the night that it attacked her. Standing up, I leaned over her.
"Sam…" I said, stroking her face. I kissed her other cheek and whispered "C'mon Sam, wake up. It can't hurt you anymore. We stopped it. Remember. We made it go away." Her face scrunched up as she choked out a sob, she bent her leg and kicked out, hitting me in my thigh.
"NO! Stop… JACK!" She screamed. Shit! I needed to wake her up now and make sure she knew it wasn't me that did those things to her.
Jack & Sam combined
Suddenly I was on my back, and he was above me, his face looming over mine. He was talking, but his voice was different, but he was still holding me down. There were two of him, one grunting as he continued as before, the other looking more like I remembered him. Kind, caring, loving. Lies. All of it. I knew my place.
"Sam! You're OK." He said, ignoring my cries and my struggles to be free of him.
"Yes, you are good." The darker voice that was the same but had a huskier timbre to it said.
"NO! Stop… JACK! Ahhhhhh." I cried out, my eyes fluttering open to find him there leaning over me, his hands on my upper arms. "No. No. NO!" He was talking, but I could not hear what he was saying over my own screams while my arms flailed and legs kicked against his hold on me.
"Carter! You're dreaming. It's a nightmare." Jack said, but which Jack was he?
"NO! NO! St-st-st-op… Jack!" She stuttered over and over, all her hard work gone in an instant. When she struggled against my hold on her, I let go and stepped back afraid that I would physically hurt her.
"Sam, you're OK. It's not real." I told her calmly, trying to make her understand that what she had seen was not me. She seemed to calm momentarily, so I took a step forward with my hands up in a calming gesture. She jumped and lurched backwards.
"NO! NO!" He moved toward me with hands up. Attacking, coming back again. Scrambling out of my bed and falling to the floor when my legs failed to work properly, I used my legs and hands to scurry backwards, knocking over a trolley with monitoring equipment and my cannula bag.
"Carter! Shit." He said as he ran around to my side of the bed – coming to get me, coming to finish what he started – he crouched down, and reached out for me again. "C'mon Carter. Let me help you." He looked concerned, but I knew better. I knew what he really wanted.
"Please?" I pleaded with her, making sure to show all my concern, all my love through my eyes, hiding nothing. No walls, no rooms, no barriers. Seeing her show fear towards me this way was breaking my heart.
"STOP! Oh-Nnn, Oh-nn, Ohn-na." She choked out between sobs. I recognised her early attempts at my last name, the name she had voluntarily given herself much to my equal delight and devastation, because I knew that while we served together, such a thing could never happen. Moving forward a little more.
"NO! A-a-aw-awa-AWAY!" I screamed as I scooted backwards away from him until the drip line stopped me. Ripping it out, I kept going. "Nonononono…" I shrieked, not recognising high pitched tone of my own voice. "J-j-jo-na… J-J-Nas!" I had to get away from Jonas, no Jack. It was Jack. "Jack, no, stop, nonono…" I said in a crying moan filled with pain and terror.
The sound of that man's name had me stopping in my tracks. She thought I was the same as him. That pig who slapped her around and did unspeakable things to her while claiming he loved her. Jonas.
"I would never treat you like he did. You have to believe me, Sam. Never."
Words, that is all they were. I remembered what he said. All the nice things I had thought about him turned bad. Tucking myself into the corner as far as I could go, I kept screaming for him to not touch me.
At some point Sam had corrected herself and had gone back to using Jack in her screams while I crouched motionless. The fear and terror in her eyes spoke volumes. I had not seen that level of fear in a decade. It was clear she was having a nightmare about that thing, and what it had done to her. It was inevitable. Nightmares were a part of our lives, but never had I ever seen my strong, beautiful, smart second-in-command show fear towards me. That same itching feeling in my eyes that I felt on the planet hit me. Swallowing hard, I stood up in one motion and took three steps backwards, her eyes on me the whole time.
"Sam, I know it's hard to believe right now, but it wasn't me. I would never…"
"Go." She said over the top of me.
"Sam, please. I…"
"NO!" She yelled, bringing her hands to ears, closing her eyes, and burying her face in her knees. That was it. We had come full circle again, only this time it was her rejecting me. Pain lanced through my heart. Looking down, I turned and walked way, pausing only at the door to take one last look at the woman I desperately love, but had lost. She glared at me with hard sapphire eyes. Even from a whole room away, I could the fear, terror, and loathing. Looking down, I took a minute to compose myself, packing the worst of my pain away in little boxes. Unfortunately, I found it would not all fit. I needed to let some of it out, which meant a trip to the gym. Finally, I opened the door and left her room without looking back.
As soon as he had left my room, I reached for a vomit bag on the nearest trolley to throw up. There wasn't much, so I folded the top over and hid it under several paper cups in my waste bin. I'd dispose it of later since I knew that someone was probably on their way. If they didn't hear me, the Colonel would have said something to someone. Leaning back against the wall, I waited for the inevitable opening of the door.