AU: When an exploration mission goes way off the left field, Jack and Sam are left to patch up their lives. Will that door stay open?
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are the property of MGM/Amazon. No copyright infringement intended. I am once again taking my favourite two Gaters for a walk in an Alternate Universe. Takes place after 5.05 Red Sky with some canon episodes skipped (overlooked) and others referenced.
Rating: Gonna start this one as M from the get-go.
Trigger Warning: Janet's thoughts and Jack's reaction to Sam's nightmare about the attack.
Chapter 17: Broken Dreams
Janet
The sounds of screaming had me bolting out of my office. It was nothing like I had ever heard before, but I knew who it was coming from. Sam. Sadly, I thought this might happen. The General had given me classified information regarding some of the off the record events from SG-1's mission. The incorporeal being that manifested into the image of Colonel O'Neill had fixated on poor Sam. The Colonel said it was because she was the only female, but I knew better. After reading the reports and speaking to the General, things fell into place. It went after her because of his unresolved feelings for her. I knew Sam and Jack had slept together on the mission, I knew that before my meeting with Hammond, the information from which led me to surmise that this being had driven Sam and Jack to take the step they had been avoiding. I had immediately taken a sample of Sam's blood for testing, but nothing turned up, though with her randomly fluctuating hormone levels as a result of her protein marker and Naquadah, it was not surprising that our run-of-the-mill pregnancy tests produced negative results. The General had made the decision to consider their coupling as being under alien influence, a term which had been coined quickly after the Broca virus spread through the base and officially recognised as a form of 'under duress' by the USAF after the Hathor invasion a few months later.
Coming down the corridor, I saw him. "Colonel!" I called out. He turned to me, and I immediately saw the emotion on his face. There was no hiding what he was going through. I felt for him. I really did. I knew how much he cared for her. I had seen it over the years, but more so in the last twelve months, especially since he had taken her life to stop an alien entity from destroying the base.
"She was having a nightmare. She came out of it and started screaming." He volunteered, then looked down and started walking quickly towards the bank of elevators.
"Jack." I called out again, he turned and looked at me with watery eyes. "She'll come out of this. You just have to support her and help her through." I told him earnestly. I couldn't tell him that she would come back to him because we were being watched, but he got it. He understood. well at least I hoped he did because she didn't need his run and hide tactic right now. With a nod, he turned and walked around the corner. Pushing open the door to Sam's room, I walked in and found her curled up in the corner of the room rocking back and forth muttering to herself, each one of her words broken like they had been when she had first started speaking again. It was as if the nightmare had reversed all the good progress she had made.
"Sam, honey?" I called out softly. She looked up, a fresh stream of tears starting up.
"Ja-ja-nnn." She choked out.
"Want to tell me want happened?" I asked. She shook her head almost violently, her face pinched and clearly distressed. "Did you dream?" She nodded shakily. "About Jack?" She shivered and started crying. She shook her head at first, then nodded before burying her face in her knees. "Sam, it wasn't real. You had a nightmare." Sadly, her muddled memories would be making it hard for her to determine the truth of things. Crouching beside her and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, I soothed her with quiet words veiled understanding. I could see from the pain in her eyes and her murmured words that she was replaying the nightmare over in her mind. God, if she thought it was the real Jack that did that to her, I shuddered to think of the rift it would leave between them.
"No. No." She muttered, her head shaking again though still resting on her knees.
"Shhh. It's OK. It'll be OK. Let me help you up." She shook her head. I only knew about the attack by the incorporeal entity from the reports of the other SG-1 members and what Daniel had confided in me. Jack had clammed up about it, even his report was sparse. My only hope was that she would remember the real Jack and not the one that caused her so much distress. I couldn't imagine being tormented by an incorporeal version of the man I loved.
"Hey, c'mon now. Let's get you back into bed. It's more comfortable." I said as I moved my crouched position closer in front of her and noticed the mess on the back of her hand. We would have to swap hands for her cannula. Helping her to her feet, we shuffled over to the side of the bed just as Daniel walked into the room.
"Hey, Janet." He said cheerily. Clearly, he had not run into Jack on his way here.
"Hi, Daniel." I responded with a solemn smile, but I did not fool him. His face dropped.
"What happened?" He asked with a look of concern as I helped Sam manoeuvre herself back into bed. Silently communicating to give me a moment, I finished with Sam and called Lieutenant Nicolls. Once Nicolls arrived, I left her with instructions for the new cannula and helping Sam with some of the jello the Colonel left, then motioned for Daniel to follow me. As soon as the door of my office closed, I wrapped myself up in his arms, taking as much comfort as I could allow myself before coming Doctor Fraiser again.
"Hey, Jan. What's wrong? Are you OK?" He said, holding my face in his hands and kissing me tenderly.
"I'm OK, but Jack isn't. Sam had a nightmare. I think it might have been about the other Jack. God, Daniel he was in the room. She woke up and doesn't remember this thing wasn't him."
"Oh geez." He muttered, rubbing my arms with his hands and kissing my forehead. This was non a common occurrence for us on base. Always endeavouring not to engage in any display of affection outside one of our houses after the armband spontaneity that somehow we managed to keep under wraps. "Where is Jack now?" He asked, his lips still in place.
"I don't know. Maybe his quarters, or his office. Maybe Sam's lab. You know his haunts better than I do."
"Yeah, I'll go and find him. Will you be OK?" He asked, his fingers running down my cheek, then back up and over the top of my ear. I smiled at his tender touch and leaned in for another kiss. He obliged, then stepped back before things got too out of hand. "See you tonight?" He asked.
I nodded, "My place. Cassie has a study night with Angela. She's going to school from there tomorrow."
"OK." He responded, gave me one more tight hug. "They'll be alright, Janet. They always are." He said, then opened my door and walked out. He was a good man. Not just to me, but his whole team. He had been the solid foundation since day one, and they repaid him in kind. The whole team was a walking example of broken regulations, always going above and beyond for each other. Caring way more than they should for each other. They were a family forged in the fire of this war.
Daniel
Jack had a system when it came to matters of the heart and Sam. Cake, sparring, hot shower. Not necessarily in that order. After -118, it had been lots of cake, after Jolinar, the gym and after the entity, I found him standing under a shower so hot his skin had been bright red. My first stop was the officer's mess on level 22, then the locker room and finally the gym where I found him punching up a storm into a bag without any gloves on. He had not even changed into his exercise gear.
"Jack." I yelled out, but he didn't stop. "Jack!" I called out again, walking up beside him. His hands were split open, blood running down his arms into the cuff of his overshirt. The bag was a mess, as was the floor. "Jack, c'mon." I tried to pull him back from his target.
"Go away!" He spat out angrily, giving me a solid shove before returning to his assault.
"No. Oh, for goodness sakes Jack, stop this!" I berated him, pulling his shoulder back as he let forth another punch.
"I said GO AWAY!" He bellowed, then turned to lash a fist out at me. My training at the hands of Teal'c, Sam and himself allowed me to dodge the flying fist and dance out of the way of his follow up fist. Jack was an excellent hand to hand fighter, even under duress. Except when that duress was caused by Sam.
"No!" I said again. He lashed out once more, missing again but allowing me an opening to move behind him, wrap my arm around his shoulder holding one arm to his side and my other hand pulling his fist behind his back. He struggled and attempted to hip throw me. On my overcorrect, I swept his legs out from under him, then dropped to my knees and leaned on his chest looking straight into his fury filled eyes.
"Jack! Look at me. It wasn't you. You know that." I told him. They were the same words I used on Abydos six years ago after I found out about Charlie. Though that time, it was around a campfire moments after I found him pressing his service weapon into his chest directly in line with his heart. A fatal shot, but not a fast death. A good thing too, because Skaara had happened upon us a minute later. He hadn't expected to survive that mission. When he was still alive after blowing up Ra before he went home, he felt he had failed all over again. Still to this day, I do not know if it my words, or Skaara's presence that saved his life that night. Maybe it was both, but he went home after reassuring me he would be OK.
His lip trembled, and eyes went glassy. For him, that was the equivalent of breaking down into tears. "She's terrified of me Danny. She was so happy this morning, so... she… we… dammit all to hell!" He cursed; his emotions bare for me to see. She kissed him. I could read that in his eyes.
"Jack, we knew this might happen. You can't avoid her. It won't make things better." I said as I took my weight off him then hauled him to his feet.
"How can I go and see her? How… when all she sees is that thing! Fuck! Do you know what it is like to have someone you love, look at you in fear. Say your name with fear?"
"Yes, Jack. I do know." I scolded him. He looked at me and wilted a little, no doubt remembering the conversations about my mother's dying words. The fear and pain as she called an eight-year-old Danny to help her. Then there was the pain of watching my wife die begging me to save her child. We hadn't talked about the loss of my parents since the first trip through the gate, when he was still a broken man waiting to die. Frankly, it was not something I liked to think about lest I start down the dreaded what if road. A path an eight-year-old should never have to think about. As for Sha're, she had been the topic of many conversations with Jack O'Neill over the last two years. He helped me weather her death just I had helped him through the loss of two Charlie's - his son and his friend.
"She looked into my eyes after she woke up, after she screamed the infirmary down, after she crushed herself into the corner of the room and said my name over and over. Then she said his name. Jonas. That arsehole who hit her. Every time I moved closer, she screamed. Don't you get it?"
"Jack, she needs you now more than ever. She needs you to be present, not to run away. Not to avoid her like you do whenever you are confronted with how you feel about her." I repeated, hoping to get through to him that this was a process. If he wanted her to get better, he needed to be strong. He needed to be there for her.
"I don't know if I can Danny. I want so much more from her than I should. I want to give her more than I can. She's strong. She'll remember, and when she does, she will lock me back in that room. I don't know if I am strong enough for that anymore." He said and took a step back from me and looked at his bloodied hands.
"C'mon let's get Janet to fix those cuts." I told him, with a pat on his back. At first, he held his ground but eventually relented and turned away. I'd call someone and ask them to come and clean up since leaving Jack alone was not a good idea.
"Weren't you going with Catherine to dust rocks?" He murmured as we walked down the corridor.
I studied his profile briefly before responding. "I was, until Sam was injured. Teal'c contacted Ry'ac through Bra'tac to cancel his visit. She needs us, Jack. All of us." I explained again, because I knew that I was failing to get through to him.
He scoffed and flexed his bloodied hands, "She doesn't need me. I'm just her commanding officer. One who has taken one to many liberties with someone under his command." He ground out. "We should have just come home. Instead I let you talk me into staying and trying to fix it." He huffed, "Fix it. Instead all we did was make things worse."
"Jack. That is not true, and you know it. We couldn't have known about the Jaffa." I bit back at his Debbie Downer behaviour. For someone as confident as he was in the field, Jack had a seriously impaired view of his own self-worth.
"Tell that to Carter, Daniel. Tell that to the female USAF officer who was raped by her CO." He snarled at me accusingly.
"Jack, it wasn't you!" I levelled a glare at him, not bothering to hide my anger. "Her reaction to you when we found her should be enough for you to realise that she does not blame you!" I explained. He stopped at the elevator and pressed the button. "Ah, Jack. The infirmary is just down there." I said, pointing down the corridor.
"I told you, Daniel. I am not going to the infirmary. I am going to have a hot shower, get changed and go home." He responded sharply.
"You can't avoid her forever, Jack." I told him as the doors opened and he stepped inside.
"Watch me." He replied as the doors closed. Sighing loudly and gritting my teeth at his extreme stubbornness, I murmured to myself, "Yep, that went well." then turned and walked slowly back to Sam's room.