AU: When an exploration mission goes way off the left field, Jack and Sam are left to patch up their lives. Will that door stay open?
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters are the property of MGM/Amazon. No copyright infringement intended. I am once again taking my favourite two Gaters for a walk in an Alternate Universe. Takes place after 5.05 Red Sky with some canon episodes skipped (overlooked) and others referenced.
Rating: Mature. No triggers in this chapter.
Chapter 19: Honesty
Same day - Daniel
Making my way to the mess on level 22 as fast as I could, I was thankful to find three blue jello's still on display despite the recent lunch rush. Grabbing two, I made for the ladder well, since it was likely to be faster than the elevator, especially if it was more than four floors away or going in the other direction.
Holding one jello in my hand, and tucking the other under my arm, I started to climb using my free hand, legs and body weight to propel myself up the rungs. "Dammit Jack, this would be easier if you weren't being… yourself." I grumbled under my breath thinking about how he could have carried one of them. Why he had to go all 'it's against regulations' now was beyond me. They had already broken the damned regulations, snapped them in half and frisbeed them out the window actually. It was about damn time they did something since the front row tickets Teal'c and I held to their angsty Broadway show had lost their appeal.
Coming out the ladder well door, I could already hear the uproar which prompted me to break into a run. Rounding the corner, I found Walter on the ground outside Sam's room nursing a bloody nose while Nicolls attended to him. She looked up and gave me a grateful smile. I mouthed 'sorry' to her as I entered the room to find water, juice, and red jello all over the floor, the parfait glass in two pieces and Sam crying into Janet's shoulder. A few weeks ago, she was facing down a ship full of replicators with her P-90 and a glib comment she made to Jack about 'having fun'. A story that Jack had loved to tell and retell during several team nights he held to ease Sam's paranoia after the Orlin incident. Now. I sighed. Now she was an emotional mess. A complete discombobulated ball of anxiety and stress.
"Is it safe?" I asked tentatively. Sam and Janet looked up at the same time, both with red, tear-filled eyes. As Sam's best friend, Janet was taking her messed up state equally as hard as the rest of us.
"Daniel." Sam cried, "Daniel." She sobbed out a second time, reaching out for me with one hand as if I were her lifeline, her other arm still firmly wrapped around Janet. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."
"Hey, shh, it's OK." Janet soothed while I walked over and handed her one of the blue jello's, then over to deposit the second one in the fridge.
"Is Walter OK? Graham?" Sam asked as she chewed mercilessly on a torn hangnail. Taking her hand in mine to stop her from making the nail bleed, I smiled.
"They'll be fine." I told her. At least one of them would be because nothing phased him. If it did, Siler would have scared him off ages ago. Simmons on the other hand might be a little standoffish after this, but she didn't need to know that. Pulling her hand back, she picked up the jello and dug into it with the spoon, closing her eyes to savour the taste. At the half way mark, she put it down next to her water cup.
"Has someone called my dad?"
"Yes, honey. The General put a call out before he went on leave." Janet answered with a worried furrow on her brow.
"Let me guess, he's on a mission." Sam scoffed with a roll of her eyes and the kind of attitude we had come to expect from a teenaged Cassie rather than the confident Sam we knew and loved.
Adjusting my glasses, I replied. "I'm sure he knows."
"Pfft! There's no need to lie to me Daniel." She accused with another roll of her eyes.
"What, I…" I started, giving Janet a look. She merely smirked and pretended to adjust her non-existent glasses. Of course, the unconscious tell that always gave me away in team night poker games and whenever I was nervous about something.
"Sorry. I don't know what to say, Sam." I replied.
"Don't bother. It's always been that way with him." She complained, dropping back onto the bed, and closing her eyes. "First it was the Air Force, then the cancer, now it's the Tok'ra."
"C'mon Sam, you know it's not like that." I tried, but she rolled away from me and buried her hands under her arms as if she were cold.
"Why do the men in my life always run?" She asked, eyes still closed. "Dad has spent the last twenty years running away, ever since Mum," she swallowed, "Mark left, Jonah, Jack…" The last two names were said with a sniffle before she turned her head into the pillow. I watched as her breathing evened out and a soft snore left her slightly opened mouth. I noted she didn't include Jonas in her list, but that didn't surprise me knowing what kind of man he turned out to be.
Janet finished up with the clipboard and pulled an extra blanket over her shoulders, then motioned for me to follow her out the door and down to the elevator, hitting the button for level 27.
"Ah, Janet?"
"I've had enough of this. He is going to visit her whether he likes it or not." She ground out, a look of pure derision on her face.
"Jan. You know bullying Jack won't solve anything. The man is notoriously stubborn." I reminded her, shoving my hands into my pockets lest I pull her into a hug.
"Colonel O'Neill does not grasp the concept of stubborn. If he does not visit her, I will make it a medically necessary order. If he still won't visit her, I'll find a reason to give him every vaccination known to humankind, whether he needs them or not." She threatened.
I smirked and rolled onto my toes; a habit I knew came from Jack after years being on the same team. "Big needles, hey?" I asked with a sideways smile.
"The biggest." She responded, smiling back, and glancing sideways.
"You know he calls you the Napoleonic Power Monger behind your back, don't you?"
She snorted, "Of course I know. If he thinks Napoleonic Janet is bad, wait until he meets my alter ego – Caligulan Janet." She mused with another sideways smile.
I burst out laughing at her invented word casually referencing probably one of the most psychotic Roman Emperors of all time. There had been a few of those, but I liked her choice considering the Dionysian origin of this little standoff. I couldn't help it; I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and hugged her to my chest.
"I knew there was a reason why I loved you." I said without thinking. She stepped back and looked at me just as I realised that my words had been out loud. "I mean, umm…" I faltered, because I could not think of any other phrase to describe how I was feeling.
"What did you say?" She asked, a look of pure astonishment on her face. Smiling, I took a step closer and lowered my head while raising her chin.
"I said, I love you." I repeated, then kissed her. After a moment, almost too quick to count, she kissed me back, her arms going around my neck. Eventually – when oxygen deprivation became a problem – we pulled back, both flushed red and smiling just as the doors opened on level 27.
"For crying out loud, get a room would you." Jack said with a note of mirthless ire as he stepped into the elevator car and hit the button for level 25. Janet scowled at him and picked up the phone.
"Hi Captain." She greeted the airman from the security centre, her eyes still on Jack's. "I have a medical emergency. We are on level 27 and require no stops to level 21. Thank you." She ordered and hung up, then crossed her arms. The light for level 25 blinked out and level 21 lit up automatically. I couldn't help but smirk at her guile.
"Now, wait a goddamned minute…" Jack started as his fingers hit the buttons for multiple other floors without success.
"No, Sir! You will listen to me. This has gone on long enough."
"Doctor…"
"Colonel!"
"Janet."
She put her hands on her hips, "Jack."
"Don't ask me to do this." He ground out, anger flashing in his eyes alongside the sorrow.
"I'm not asking, Sir. I am ordering. You will get over whatever stupidity is filtering through your brain and think about how this is affecting Sam. She is struggling with basic emotions. When was the last time you saw her cry?" She asked pointedly. He didn't answer, instead opting to pull himself to his full height. As if that would work on our resident five-foot livewire.
"Do you want me to tell you how many times I have seen her cry in five years?" Janet continued, taking a step closer to him. "Three, Colonel. Just three. Every single one of those times has been over you." She said, poking him in the centre of his chest. "These days, she is crying more often that not, and you are not helping."
"I can't give her what she wants."
"No, you can't. But you can give her what she needs to get through this. Who knows, maybe you'll get something out of it as well." Janet explained as the doors opened on level 21. Jack looked down at his feet, shoved his hands in his pockets and walked, head down, along the corridor, past Sam's room door and opened the door to the observation room, then walked in. Janet looked at me thoughtfully and motioned with her head for me to join him. It was something at least.
We smiled at each other, "For the record, Doctor. Same here." She admitted, making a nest of butterflies erupt in my stomach, then she turned and walked toward her office. Despite the confrontation with Jack, the last few minutes made me feel something I hadn't felt in years. I never thought I would love again after Sha're, but here I was hopelessly smitten with another dark-haired beauty. Smiling again, I walked up the still open door of the observation room.
Entering the room, I found Jack sitting with his elbows on his knees – legs bouncing nervously – watching Sam sleep fitfully. She was dreaming again, nothing bad that I could see. He looked at me, then back at her.
"I hate this room." He said out of the blue.
"I know."
"Not sure which one is better." He groaned, running his hands through his hair. I knew what he meant. When she was first injured, she went to Iso 1, where she had been after being possessed by a computer program. Now she was in Iso 2, where they both left their confessions after the Za'tarc testing.
"This one. It's where she will come back to you if you let her."
"I can't Danny. I'm barely holding on here." He swallowed, "I think… I think it's back." He confessed. Furrowing my brow, I looked at him while he stared at Sam. His face was drawn, tired looking. He hadn't been sleeping properly.
"What do you mean 'it's back'? I asked, noticing a wince at my question. He arched his jaw and looked at me. "The manifestation?" I clarified.
"I may have fallen asleep."
"Yeah." I prompted for him to continue.
"In Hammond's chair… dreaming about Carter in compromising positions." The last half dozen words spoken so softly that I nearly missed them.
"So, the only thing that's different is that it's not your office chair." I reminded him of the time I caught him napping when Urgo was visiting.
"Hey! That was once, and it wasn't my fault."
I chuckled. The only reason I had gone looking for him was because Urgo was projecting his dream into everyone else's mind, Sam's included. We had been at lunch when it happened. Sam turned bright red with a whispered 'Oh, God' and begged off saying she had forgotten about an experiment she was running.
"OK. What makes you think it's back." I asked with genuine interest.
"The laughter. I looked up when I heard it and saw it standing nearby, just before I woke up." He confessed, taking in a deep breath. "Then, when I was in the bathroom, I saw her reflection in the mirror." He motioned with his head to Sam. "When I turned around, she was gone. I told myself I was just seeing things, until I felt her hands on me, through my shirt and…" He looked at me, deciding whether keep explaining, "…other things."
It felt weird to be sitting here listening to Jack O'Neill confess this kind of thing. He had always kept everything so close to his chest. Even when he did open up about Charlie on Abydos, he had barely strung a dozen words together. Whatever happened had him spooked enough to talk about it.
"Maybe you were still dreaming." I offered as an explanation.
He snorted, "Oh, no. Trust me I was awake." He looked at me but didn't elaborate on that part. "There have been other dreams though – last two nights. Every time I close my eyes, she is there urging me to… well you know."
"So, no different to normal sex dreams then."
"That's just it. They are different. Normally, my Sam… she's, well… she's willing, but nervous. God, I can't believe I'm saying this." He paused, leaning the butts of his hands into his eyes. "There's anticipation, longing, we go slow, it's perfect. The last two nights, she has been more like locker room Sam – demanding, voracious, hungry." He explained, giving me a desperate look. "Un-Carter-like."
"Well, that was more than I really needed to know." I replied with a smirk at his oversharing. He glared at me, then did something quite unexpected – he smirked as if to say, 'oh yeah'. Sadly, there wasn't much I could do for him since Hammond had not approved a research team to return to the planet. He wanted to send a MALP in a few months, hoping that whichever Goa'uld the scouting party belonged to had not settled in.
Coming to my feet, I put my hand on his shoulder and smiled. "I'll see what I can find, Jack." I tried to make it sound reassuring, though I knew my answer would mirror the last. Something had to change.
"Thanks, Space Monkey." He murmured, then turned back to continue watching Sam through the glass. There was always something separating them. Force shields, glass, regulations. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I turned and left hoping for the sake of my friends that they would come through this like they had always done in the past.