Log entry Sol 134
Well, I have enough potatoes to last me several months now. I'm storing them in containers on the surface. That way they can't mold. There just isn't enough space to store them in the small refrigeration unit in the Hab. Storing them on the surface means they're frozen.
When I first put them out I wasn't sure how they would taste after being frozen so I cooked one in the microwave and left one raw. Then I stuck them both out on the surface in a small sample container. I left them for three sols then brought them back in and heated them both. The precooked potato heated faster. Well, I guess it's not heated because they both got warm, but the uncooked one had to cook. In other words, I'm not sure which is better but I've decided to cook all of them first before putting them out in case I need to limit energy usage to basic life support, or in case I spend sols and sols in the rover again. Not something I want to think about but to get to Schiaparelli, that's what I'll have to do. At least pre-cooked potatoes would just need to thaw out to be eaten. Much as I dread the mere idea of eating cold potatoes, the idea of eating cold raw potatoes is even worse.
The plants all continue to grow well so I'm changing out one of the pop tents to grow green beans. Not my favorite vegetable, but I need variety. The meals we brought will only last me through a Martian year if I keep rationing well, which is harder to do than you might think. Green beans will be a nice change of pace even if they don't add much to my calorie intake. Who knows, I might even develop a taste for them and shock my mother when I get back if I get back. I always hated eating green vegetables even if I didn't hate the taste of the veggie itself. I love growing green things and just hated eating them. I know that makes less than no sense, but what can I say? I can also eat the plants themselves, or at least the leaves. Green bean leaves are edible. So I can have "salad" now and then when the plant doesn't produce anymore. More calories, yay! That wasn't sarcasm though I'm pretty sure it read that way. I mean it could be sarcastic except I need all the calories I can get and variety is a good thing, so it was a happy yay even if I'm not a green food fan.
Log entry Sol 139
Fresh fertilizer in the soil in the pop tent, dirt turned over and mixed and green beans planted. Did that a few sols ago actually, should see sprouts soon if the green beans grow anything like the potatoes did.
Log entry Sol 147
Green beans have sprouted and I have yet another crop of potatoes. I'll live until Ares IV but I'm going to be extremely thin even with what I have. I have the vitamins I need, but my protein will be gone and that's going to affect me. It's going to be hard to keep muscle mass when I'll be moving so little and taking almost no protein. I'll be lucky to even be able to drive the rover there and set the solar panels out every day.
Log entry Sol 159
I haven't made any log entries in several days, because there's nothing to say. I'm farming and keeping an eye on all the Hab systems and that's about it. I've run through Lewis's whole set of seventies tv shows so I'm starting over. Yeah, that's all I have to say right now.
Log entry Sol 164
Harvested the first crop of green beans today and sat down to do some thinking about my food. I have been eating ¾ rations almost every day since I first thought about food. Some days I eat less if I've had a sedate day, other days I've eaten full rations. It's about evened out so I'm not in danger of running out of food early. Still, I could start eating potatoes now and green beans and save more of the prepared meals. I'm going to set aside meals for each Christmas, Thanksgiving, and birthday until Ares IV, then some for the trip to Schiaparelli. It will be good to have those meals for those days as pick-me-ups, and reminders of real food. Plus I'll need the protein by then for sure. I'm also going to start stretching what I still have by eating meal pack rations only every other day. I want to postpone living on nothing but taters and beans for as long as I possibly can.
Log Entry Sol 173
Since I can't get Sojourner working I've taken him completely apart. Yes him, no I'm not calling him "it" just because he was a tiny rover. He's dog-sized and cute so, yes, him. Get over it. It took me two days to get him apart. I took pictures every step of the way. I was going to do this weeks ago but just didn't, don't know why, but the idea came to me again a few sols ago, so I did it. I need companionship of some sort, even if it's inanimate but not creepy like Chuck Bob the scarecrow was.
Once he was apart I cleaned every piece then got my electronics kit and sorted through it to see what I still have. Haven't touched that since I got Pathfinder working again, or thought I did. Nope, not gonna think about it. The first thing I did was check the batteries again to see if they could hold a charge. Nope. So, I had to figure out new batteries, then check all of the resistors and wires. Those I could replace easily. I'm not using both ChemCams, gotta have two of everything just in case. What good would it have been for us to get to Mars and have a broken ChemCam? We couldn't afford the weight to bring all of the samples back to Hermes and then Earth so we were supposed to do most of our analysis right here and bring back only a few hundred pounds of samples. That means two ChemCams. The benefit is then the analysis can happen twice as fast. One was dedicated to rock samples; the other to soil samples. Well, now I'm at one because I took the battery from the other. Beth would kill me if she knew. Good thing she doesn't, and by the time she could find out, it won't matter anymore, though she'll probably still yell at me.
I ended up replacing a lot of stuff but I got him all put back together and he can charge by his solar panels or from the Hab batteries. I don't need it for communication unless NASA pulls their heads out of their collective asses and checks Pathfinder or satellites or something damn it! I'm fine, I'm fine, no need to go out and beat the crap out of Pathfinder no matter how much I feel like it. Every time I see the damned thing just sitting there I want to scream, but I can't bring myself to destroy it or get rid of it. I think I'm just desperately holding out hope that someday someone will notice it's active. That's probably not healthy but giving up isn't an option either. If I give up then what's the point? If I accept that I'll have no human contact until I get to Schiaparelli, will I even be able to make it through? No, I'm not giving up on Pathfinder. I need a break.
Log entry Sol 173 (2)
I'm back and I didn't throw anything or break anything, just stomped my feet and threw a minor tantrum. Though I do have to admit to looking at the medicine locker with the key in hand, wondering just what might be in there that could help me feel better. Relax nanny, whoever you are reading this, whenever you're reading this. I didn't take anything. I didn't even open the cabinet, but the thought is still there.
Anyway, I don't need Soju for communication, so I connected it to a laptop and spent a few more days going through the code and Johanssen's notes to try and understand it, and testing programs frequently until I was satisfied. I saved the original file to the laptop, just in case. I now have a rover dog, complete with a tail and ears and everything. It can roam the Hab and keep me company and is way less creepy than the scarecrow was.
Log entry Sol 176
As cute as Soju is, and he is adorable, he's starting to get underfoot. I might have to confine him to a small corner, except I'm not sure how to do that. He is designed to traverse Mars after all so small hills don't stop him. I'm going to have to create large bumpers or just actually watch out for him, that sounds like a lot of work though, haha.
Anyway to his being underfoot, yesterday I nearly stepped on him. I wanted to yell at someone for letting the dog in and not warning me but of course, no one is here to yell at but me. I'm pretty sure yelling at myself in the mirror for letting the dog in without warning is one of those steps to Crazytown so I didn't do it. I did however mutter several choice curse words under my breath.
It left me thinking of sitcoms though and now I am thinking about writing some screwball fifties-style sitcom based on Mars cause I, really, really need something to do with my time!
Log entry Sol 178
Yeah that sitcom thing, maybe not so fifties but here goes.
[Scene opens in a Habitat on Mars, though you can only see Mars through windows to the outside. The Habitat is a dome, and the furniture set up looks much like the Friends' apartment of Monica and Rachel. There is a plastic modular "sofa" and two chairs facing a wall as there is no TV. To the left is the "kitchen" with storage cabinets, the microwave, a refrigeration unit, and a round table and chairs. To the right, we see two doors. The "door" opens and an astronaut steps in, in full EVA suit, followed by a small rover outfitted with ears and a tail.]
Astronaut Bill
[removes helmet] Honey I'm home!
Female [calling from behind one of the closed doors]
Don't you dare track any of the Mars dirt in here again? I spent all day cleaning up what you tracked in this morning.
Astronaut Bill
[looking down at his feet] Oops [grins to the camera, canned laughter plays]
Astronaut Jill
You did it again, didn't you?
Um, so should it be Bill and Jill? Should Jill be the one coming in from the EVA? I'm really just continuing with stereotypes here but it is a screwball sitcom so does that matter? Does it even need to be a couple? Couldn't it be buddy astronauts? I'm overthinking this, aren't I? Ok just gonna keep going.
Astronaut Bill
It's just more samples for you to analyze
Astronaut Jill
I'll analyze you. [canned laughter]
Astronaut Bill
What does that even mean?
Astronaut Jill
Clean up that mess or you'll be sleeping in the rover
Astronaut Bill
But it's cold out there
Astronaut Jill
It is not you, wuss.
Astronaut Bill
It is now
Astronaut Jill
[shaking her head] What did you do now?
Astronaut Bill
[as he sweeps up the dirt] oh nothing
Astronaut Jill
Bill!
Astronaut Bill
Nothing, really nothing.
Astronaut Jill
Yeah right, and I was launched yesterday. Whatever it is, you're fixing it tomorrow. [steps back and accidentally steps on the little rover that has been circling the room, falls to the floor, and glares at Bill]
Astronaut Bill
Oops
Yeah, I'm not funny, or maybe I'm just feeling funny. Whatever but this is even worse than those crappy seventies shows Lewis loves so I'm done. I might try again some other time but probably not. I'm pretty sure if I sent just this little bit to someone in Hollywood, they'd tell me to keep my day job. Good idea since I can't do anything else anyway. Speaking of, it's time to go out and sweep off the solar panels since I still haven't done anything to automate that job. At least I get to go outside. Yay…
Log entry Sol 181
Not much to say, just another day. I have harvested more green beans and potatoes. Played more solitaire, watched more crappy tv, and read another Agatha Christie though I'm kinda getting tired of good old Hercule Poirot. It might be time to switch over to Sherlock, or just give reading a rest altogether. I'm not sure I'm really up for more mysteries.
Log entry Sol 194
Haven't logged in for over a week, I know I should probably log at least once every few days but I just can't bring myself to do it. I can't bring myself to do much of anything the past few days. I've spent most of my time just lying in my bunk staring at the wall. I've eaten half rations when I ate meals and not eaten much when I have potatoes and green beans. I would give anything for some actual breakfast food again. Those meals ran out first because there were fewer of them and I've had a harder time resisting them. I skip breakfast most days anymore and just limit myself to two meals a day with an occasional snack. It's not like I need many calories. I haven't been doing anything. I haven't even had to go out to clean the solar panels because there's been almost no wind and I don't need to harvest the plants in the pup tents for another few sols, so back to bed I go.
Log entry Sol 197
I decided today enough of being lazy, I have to get up and do things and so I did, not much but I did some checking on the plants and some cleaning in the Hab because I've taken to just dropping things wherever I am when I'm done with them, rather than putting them where they should go. The Hab was a bigger mess than my first college apartment that I shared with three other guys, none of us were big cleaners.
I also started doing more documentation of my plants. I get out of here, I'm submitting it somewhere, or everywhere. Every journal I can that might have even the slightest interest in the work for any reason.
Log entry Sol 200
Another round number of sols. I've been harvesting and planting and reading and watching old television for so long that I'm just bored now. I have to do something else. After some thought and pacing, it hit me: science. Science, other than botany, that is. The crew left on sol six. There are twenty-four sols worth of science to do, more like twenty-three because the last day was to be dedicated to packing and getting ready for launch on sol thirty-one. Still, that leaves a lot of work to do. With six astronauts taking turns and assisting each other it was going to be a push to get it all done in the time allotted.
Astronauts nearly always take on more than we can handle, historically even, just read a biography or memoir from those Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo guys. There have been a few who said no but most don't want to risk being removed from a crew so they just went along with the program. Anyway all that means it will take me a minimum of four times as long to get all the work done especially since some of it I just don't understand and am going to have to spend time studying before I attempt it.
I'll start with the rock sampling I was doing with Commander Lewis, then move on to the geo compositing for Vogel.
Beck's medical work is out the window, um airlock, yeah that's dumb I'll stick with window. I can start tracking my stats, probably should be doing that anyway. NASA's gonna want that information when I meet up with the Ares IV crew.
I'm still going to go to Schiaparelli to be there when they're supposed to land. If they don't, the MAV is already there and I can use it to communicate with NASA. The supplies will be there so I can eat real food again because by then I will have run out, even if I save one or two for the journey. I won't eat much, only a meal or two, just enough to get my energy up again.
I might be able to figure out a way to erect their Hab alone, though it'll be a challenge. Otherwise, I can live in the rover that gets me there or in the MAV itself.
Either way, I'll make sure I have a way to communicate with them. NASA always uses satellites to survey the site to make sure everything is still there and nothing is amiss before the crew is given permission to board the MDV and head for the surface. I can just hear the freak out if they get images with my rover at Schiaparelli. They'll certainly try to get ahold of me so I need to be sure they can. The MAV can do that on its own but I'd have to be in it when they try. The Hab if the comms system is set up, it would work, and even be able to communicate with my rover if I'm in it.
Log entry Sol 204
Another sol, another dollar. Yeah, that doesn't work as well with sol as it does with day. Not to mention no dollars. I'm not getting paid since they think I'm dead. Oh, boy is NASA gonna panic when they realize how much back pay they owe me. They might just leave me here so they don't have to pay. No, I don't think that would happen but I also don't know how they're going to get me back up to Hermes when they find out I'm alive unless they leave someone up there because the MAV has only six seats. Have I had this conversation with myself in my logs before? It's becoming harder and harder to remember. I could look but it doesn't matter.
I'm going to try to log more but I'm not sure what they'll look like.
Log entry Sol 205
Potatoes, green beans, science
Log entry Sol 206
Potatoes, green beans, science
Log entry Sol 207
Potatoes, green beans, science
Log entry Sol 208
Potatoes, green beans, science
Log entry Sol 209
Potatoes, green beans, science
Log entry Sol 210
Potatoes, green beans, science
Log entry Sol 211
Potatoes, green beans, science
Log entry Sol 211 (2)
OK, I'm tired of that now though it was easy to keep track of days that way but I'm over the joke. I have been busy completing the science for the mission however and adding my own by continuing to analyze my crops. I'm done with trying to log every day though. I'd rather just track the experiments I'm doing in the proper place, and it's not like anything else changes around here. So I'll have to be sure to copy my logs and all of the science files to a data stick and take it with me to Schiaparelli.
Log entry Sol 223
Minor windstorm today but enough to make me nervous. It's strange because there have been several since I was stranded but this is the first one that's gotten to me. I honestly had to fight the urge to get in my EVA suit and huddle in the center of the Hab. None of them have been big. I hear the dust pinging against the Hab. Occasionally it's enough to ruffle the canvas but never any concerns about anything going wrong, other than having to go out again to clear off the solar cells. Why did today's little bluster get to me? Why am I shaking like a damned leaf? Why couldn't I concentrate on anything but the wind and pinging this time? I tried to watch a show or two. I even tried watching Vogel's stuff on the highest volume I could get. I set up all of the laptops with different things playing on them at top volume but that was just annoying and I still couldn't stop shaking.
I'm cracking up. This is it, I'm finally losing it. Took long enough.
No, this was just a minor panic attack. I've had them before but not since the end of my marriage.
Well, I'm hoping that was a one-time thing. I'm in no condition to be having panic attacks at every damn sandstorm/windstorm that comes by. I'd be out of commission for getting anything done at least once a week. I guess I could check the medicine cabinet and see if we have any Xanax, nope wrong drug, maybe Prozac? Yeah, I think that's what the doctor wanted me to take. I never did. I was afraid if that was in my medical profile I wouldn't make it into NASA. I was worried enough about the panic attacks, which of course caused more of them but I was able to learn to talk myself through them. Probably the best plan for now anyway. I'm still trying to avoid taking much of anything even though my back is still killing me from all that damn dirt moving. Continuing the sampling process hasn't helped much, not to mention sleeping in the rover when I went to get that useless piece of junk outside. As much as it bothers me I'm still trying to stick with rest and, you know, radiation baths. Yes, I'm using the RTG to heat the bathwater. I don't use it all the time, just four or five or six or, ok fine I use it every day. At this point with as much time as I'm spending here, I'm already at risk of cancer so what harm can the RTG tub do, or what worse harm I guess would be better to say?
Log entry Sol 231
Found the communications dish today. Never thought I'd see it again but while driving the rover around to our designated sample sites, I noticed a strange mound and decided to check it out. I have zero idea why other than I was in science mode and it seemed like an unusual shape for Mars so I wanted to look and see what it was. Occasionally boulders do get buried in sand and other space agencies have sent rovers to Mars but I thought we knew where they all were. Not that China couldn't have found a way to try and hide one from us without hiding it from themselves. Seems hard but not impossible.
So I did some digging and there it was mocking me with its broken antenna. I nearly buried it again but resisted. My second urge was to tie it to the rover tow hitch and drag it as far away as I could without losing sight of the Hab and just leave it there. I didn't do that either. Instead, I was a good little astronaut and I carefully and slowly dragged it back to the Hab where I left it sitting off to the side. Maybe later I'll see if I can fashion a new antenna for it and reconnect it to the Hab. Or not.
What will it matter since Pathfinder doesn't work? I keep telling myself the problem has to be Pathfinder and not that everyone on Earth is purposely avoiding anything to do with this part of Mars. Though I guess I understand why they think I'm dead and don't want to see the proof of it, and I can't blame them. I sure as hell wouldn't want my parents to see that pic if I were dead out there.
Log entry Sol 239 (4th of July)
Got to wondering what day it is back on Earth. I stopped keeping track ages ago. It's been hard enough just keeping track of what sol it is. Anyway, I did the calculations, you know, by checking the corresponding calendars on the computer, and guess what? It's the fourth of July! Incredibly coincidental, I know. I just happened to check today but I swear it's the truth.
Wish I had some fireworks to celebrate. No, not in the Hab. I'm not going to risk blowing myself up again. That's about the last thing I want to do. I don't want to lose my only home here on this damn deserted planet.
Still, fireworks would be fun, if Vogel were here, I bet he could make some fireworks from the few chemicals we have here. He's a mad chemist. I know most of his training at NASA and the ESA was about how not to blow things up on accident, well that and all the training he'd had before NASA and the ESA. Every chemist secretly knows how to blow things up though and I'd bet at least a small part of all of them wants to know if they could do it.
If I were able to shoot off some big aerial fireworks, would the orbiters pick it up? I know it's rare for astronauts on the ISS2 to see fireworks from space but could the orbiters get pictures of them? NASA doesn't know I'm alive so what would that do to them? Can you just imagine the freak out back there if suddenly the orbiters sent back pictures of fireworks from Mars? Damn, I wish I knew enough chemistry to try and make some with what I have here, though honestly I probably don't have the right chemicals.
Would I even be able to launch fireworks? And if I couldn't? If I lit them on the ground, away from the Hab of course would some telescope back on Earth see them? Would they see the flashes of light and wonder just what they are and where they're coming from? Would anyone even be looking this way on the fourth of July? Any Americans that is? Other countries might look but which ones would see and what would they do? I guess it all depends on which country witnessed it. Any nation that's part of the European Space Agency or Canada, or Roscosmos would tell NASA. The Japanese might but China probably wouldn't and who knows what India would do.
It's all a moot point anyway because I have no idea how to make fireworks. I could set something on fire, but again I'd need to be way away from the Hab and the rover at night to make it obvious but I'm not sure anyone observes Mars at night anyway. Being out of the Hab at night is against mission protocol too. Yeah, yeah, it's ridiculous to point that out because I'm way past mission protocol anyway. Still, it's something to keep in mind for the future if I'm getting desperate. Would fire even burn on the surface? I'd have to supply oxygen for it to burn right? I don't want to waste any oxygen I have, at least not yet.
Log entry Sol 252
Another damn windstorm and this one is worse. I gave up and I'm huddled in my bunk. I resisted the urge to get into my EVA suit but I am curled up with my pillow. Everyone else's pillows are stuffed between me and the wall of the Hab, not for protection because that's useless but to try and muffle the sound. I also hung a blanket from the bunk above me so I now have a blanket fort. Pretty cool and not just a way to hide from the damn storm.
I have Lewis's obnoxious disco playlist at maximum. I tried to do work and distract myself but that just wasn't doing it so now I'm playing solitaire on a laptop in my bed with the music blaring and some bizarre German movie on the laptop at the end of the bunk. I considered chess but decided my brain was in no shape to do that right now.
I just have to keep reminding myself I'll be fine. The storm will pass. I have options if something happens.
And I may have lied. I'm not in my complete EVA suit, I have the helmet off but it's sitting here in bed with me. I'm hot but I'm not using suit power and I'm not using the cooling or the CO2 scrubbers, but if something happens and the Hab breaches I should have enough time to put my helmet on and turn on the suit.
Log entry 252 (2)
So the wind stopped. I didn't bother getting out of my suit. I just put the helmet on and went out to clean off the solar panels then I came back in and took the suit off. I considered taking apart my fort but decided to just leave it. No one's here to care about what I do or to judge me and I like it. It's stupid I know but I still like it and it's my own little space. I remember building a blanket fort using the dining room chairs when I was about seven. My dad crawled in with me as my mother stood and shook her head, then she laughed and served us dinner there though she wouldn't crawl in herself.
More than once though when I went to bed it had collapsed just a bit and when I got up the next morning it was straightened out and I know that was her. That thing stayed up for a month. She finally made me take it down so we could host Thanksgiving for the family, and I just never made it again.
Dad brought home a bunch of boxes and we built a big box fort in the attic. I'd completely forgotten about that until just now. That box fort was so cool because we were able to draw on it, inside and out.
When Ant-Man and the Wasp came out, I wished I'd thought of building a slide out of cardboard. Not sure Mom would have been ok with that though since we only had one stairwell, but it would have been awesome.