Alethophobia

Crona found him in his usual spot; the same game room, the same game table, the same chess display hovering over the table, though for once, Josef was alone. He didn't seem to notice the other people in the room. He didn't notice her enter, or notice as she made her way over to him either. When she stopped opposite of him at the table, his only reaction was to make his next move, eyes never leaving the screen. "He hasn't blinked in a full minute," Sol muttered to her.

She didn't blame him. The room was meant for quiet, there were few distractions. She grasped the chair in both hands. "If you want to lose, there are easier ways," she finally said, breaking the silence.

Her ribbing didn't take because Josef only grinned slightly. "Surprised you aren't in bed."

"So am I." Crona pulled out the seat and dropped in with a grunt, lifting her feet and propping them on the third seat. "Not happy about it either." Sleep eluded her. She couldn't close her eyes without hearing slugs exploding, Light detonating and Cabal screaming as they were burnt into something less than ash.

"Hmph, I know the feeling. Sort of hoping this…" Josef gestured to the projection, "Will calm my nerves."

"Well, I still hear the Cabal every time I close my eyes," Crona told him, "What's got you worked up?"

Josef's eyes flicked up to her for a moment and then back. It felt as if his mind was elsewhere, not really on her or even on the match. "Still haven't thought of how we'll deal with the Sol Divisive," he admitted, his deep voice dropping lower and quieter than usual. "You all saw the recordings but I was there. This…helps me calm down. Usually."

"My father used to do the same thing."

"Who do you think I got it from?" Josef smiled slightly, "Ask him, if you like. Had a lot of pent-up…everything when I first became a Guardian. Almost caused Aashir to split off from the team early on. One day, the Commander sat me down for a game. Lost so many times against him, even Hector got bored counting."

"Forty-seven." The Ghost piped up from nowhere.

"And since I hate to lose, I actually started putting all that pent-up frustration into improving."

Crona's brow rose. "You beat my father?"

"No. But that's why I'm here all the time."

Crona chuckled at that, sinking further into the uncomfortable metal chair. With only a scant few people around, the game room was quiet and to her surprise, Crona's thoughts also began to quiet. Even Sol seemed to have little to say about what occurred on Mars. She didn't blame him.

Josef made a move, breaking Crona out of her lull. "What about you?" he asked her, "How do you see us moving forward?"

Crona never had an answer for that. Despite all that had happened recently, she was no closer to figuring out a decent response. So, Crona simply shrugged. "It's how things have always been, hasn't it? Us playing things by ear."

"Just figured you might have better insight, given how close you are to Aro."

Crona scoffed. "Aro knows as little as the rest of us. Less, sometimes."

Josef made another move on the board and promptly lost a piece. He grunted in annoyance, fingers digging into his wiry beard. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Sometimes, it almost seems deliberate. Like he doesn't want to see how close he is to everything." Crona still remembered Pride's offer in the Vault. Come to him and he'd tell Aro everything. Their history, the events that led up to the Collapse they caused together. As if that wouldn't be enticing enough, he told Aro the names of their parents; Arinze and Evelyn. She never asked his thoughts on it. In honesty, she was afraid. Afraid he'd admit to considering it because if she were in his shoes…

"I saw footage of what happened in the land tank." Josef's eyes were on her now. Crona could only hold his piercing gaze for a few seconds before looking away. Josef lowered his eyes, as if recognizing her discomfort, with him and the topic. "Quite a fight."

"You saw all of that and still call it a fight?" Crona scoffed. Her arms crossed over her chest but it was more for holding herself as her gaze grew distant. "I've seen him like that before. On the Moon, several times in the Vault. Thought I had gotten used to it but…"

"Yeah, I don't think you could."

"I mean, this was different," she said to him, "Less erratic." She had seen when Aro let his chains slacken. Throwing himself at a problem and tearing through it, as mindless and overwhelming as a storm. His slaughter of the Cabal was still overwhelming but it was not mindless. It was as methodical as it was vicious. He panicked them, made disciplined soldiers break rank and run for their lives and deep down, she knew he meant to do so. The way he killed Valus Tau'arc was meant to inflict pain as well as a message.

Josef gave a wry smile, though that beard obscured most of it. "If you want to talk about something else, we can."

Crona chuckled and to her own surprise, those few words caused her to relax. She didn't even realize how much the memory was working her up. "I was waiting for permission. I appreciate you giving it." Sarcasm to hide sincerity. She leaned forward and propped her elbows on the table, now more interested in his game. "Still working on that weapon with my father. Won't be ready before we leave for the Black Garden but right now, it's pulling me out of bed every morning. Plus, I get to spend time with him. Haven't gotten much of that lately."

"But when Asura calls you a 'daddy's girl', you start throwing things at his head."

"This is why I like your sister better," Crona spat without heat, "Where is she anyway?"

"At home with the old man," Josef replied with a sigh, "I'll be heading there soon. It's his birthday and we're putting together dinner."

"You got time for a game then? Against a real person, I mean. Not a program you can tell not to beat you."

"For your information, I'm currently losing." Still, the chess program was ended prematurely. "But I'm a bit tired of thinking at the moment."

Crona shrugged. "Turn off your brain if you like."

"I think I will. Against you, it'd still be an easy win."

Aro spent the entire ride home in the sleeping quarters of his ship, per Kain's insistence. While he lay in the hard bed, in the dark, eyes closed, sealed from the outside world, Aro found himself hearing voices in the silence. Voices he recognized and voices he didn't. None of them said a thing he could understand.

The first thing that returned when Aro regained his sense of self was pain, as was the case in most parts of his life. Every part of him ached. He could feel his heart pounding in his throat and a thunderous headache just behind his eyes.

It wasn't until they were in the Hangar, docking, did he find the courage and willpower to open his eyes. What little light that entered the room was enough to worsen his headache. Still, slowly, he slipped his legs off the bed and pressed them to the floor. Then, after a few seconds of self-motivation, he forced himself to stand.

Taking one step at a time, Aro exited his ship. The sounds of the Tower Hangar made him want to run and seal himself back inside, where it was dark and quiet and safe. He pressed onwards.

Shino had already docked and disembarked, Aro could see his ship being moved into storage. Kain hadn't seen him pull in, with how far ahead he had gotten from the rest of them and looking around the Hangar, he still didn't see him. It was hardly surprising; Aro wasn't the only one who so desperately wanted to lock themselves in their quarters. As much as Aro wanted to find and sink into his bed, they needed to have words with the Vanguard, him and Mira. Him, especially. Kain relayed his plans to his team while Aro focused on putting one foot in front of the other. He had to use his hand to shield his eyes from the light of the sun when he stepped out into the main plaza and kept it up until he was within the Vanguard Hall again, under relieving shade. He let Kain lead him to where they were to meet. The door opened before Aro could announce his arrival. It was Ikora standing on the other side of it. She needed only one look at his face.

When Mira arrived, she did so quietly, settling into the chair at Aro's left without a word to him or a look. The debriefing was short; or at least, Aro believed it to be. His ability to perceive time was as spent as the rest of him. Either way, there wasn't much to be said. The Goliath tank was blown to pieces and the Valus soon after. The Cabal on Mars had lost a commander of significant rank and if scouts were any indication, there would be no attack on the King's Gate any time soon. They had bought themselves some time.

Commander Zavala, leaning over the projector table, straightened. "Well, if there's nothing else…"

"Mm, actually…" Cayde had his face in a datapad, a long stream of text slowly scrolling past. Aro knew he wasn't reading it. "I had a question about something in the after-battle report. Minor discrepancy, nothing to worry about. Mira, why don't you head out, go get yourself a drink?" He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "Or several."

Mira said nothing. She stood from her seat, rounded it and strode out. Aro kept his eyes on his feet and the floor beneath, listening to the door slide close once she passed it and her footsteps fade down the hall.

"What's this discrepancy, Cayde?" Zavala asked, "I reviewed those reports myself."

"Then you've done more than me." Cayde tossed the datapad down on the table. He turned his eyes onto Aro. "Alright, we're alone. Speak up."

Aro's head rose. Cayde just shrugged. "You have the look of a man that has something to say, even though he really doesn't want to. So go ahead. Before you keel over."

Aro hated how easy he was to read, to be figured out. Cayde was right, he didn't want to speak. But if there was anyone in the City to be honest with, it was them. He had been honest before regarding everything else, including how he'd be responsible for their deaths in the not-so-distant future.

"Just before I agreed to go after the Valus, Pride came to me." Aro got to the point quickly. The resulting silence was deafening. "He told me that if we went after the Valus, we'd have his protection. All of us."

Ikora folded her arms and began to pace. "It makes sense. He likely needs the portal as well." She turned an eye on him. "And he definitely needs you alive."

"Is that why you agreed to go?" Zavala asked, with more calm and patience than Aro deserved.

"I decided to go but only after I told Pride to stay out of the fight." Aro's eyes turned back down to his feet. He could hear Kain materialize behind him. "The situation deteriorated once we made it into the tank. The Valus' signal was a trap. He lured us into a confined room and then flooded it with his soldiers, using some kind of device to hide their signatures until it was too late. I made the decision to escape but he had sealed all the exits. I died in the firefight. Sniper bullet through the heart."

Aro looked at his hands. Gloved, he was still armored, still coated in ash and dust. Kain had cleaned off the worst of the viscera. "I was outside of my body, floating over it while the world seemed to be at a stand-still."

Ikora hummed. "An out-of-body experience. Thanatonauts have reported the same."

"After multiple attempts," Zavala reminded her. "Never on the first try."

"And Aro just does it effortlessly. How…unsurprising, actually." Cayde jutted his chin towards Kain. "Did you attempt a revival?"

The Ghost took a quick look down at his Guardian. "I tried but…"

"Pride was holding me. He spoke to me again. Told me I could take care of the Cabal, pushed me to use my full power and…" Aro squeezed the bridge between his eyes.

"I haven't seen the footage," Cayde said, "But Sundance has."

"And?" Zavala asked.

"'Oof,'" Cayde repeated. Zavala grunted in response.

"How much do you remember?" Ikora asked Aro.

"Not much. Even after the battle I was in a daze." Cabal roars still reverberated behind his ears. They reminded him of screams.

Zavala grunted again. "It is unexpected but not surprising. Pride's plans require you to be alive above all else. Speak to Ikora if you remember anything or if Pride contacts you again."

Aro kept his face even as best he could. Ikora turned to the commander. "Pride rarely contacts Aro so directly here."

"Perhaps the Traveler provides some protection?" Zavala suggested, folding his hands.

Ikora hummed. "Perhaps. Being near the Traveler allowed Vell…or 'Greed' to resist Pride somewhat."

Aro felt Kain's eye on him. The Ghost then spoke up, "If there's nothing else…" All three turned their eyes on him. And on Aro, who was swaying in his seat.

Zavala looked to Cayde. "Cayde?"

Cayde waved at the door. "Go to bed before they make me carry you."

Aro nodded silently and with effort, rose from his seat. The door opened and Kain led him out into a darkening Vanguard Hall; the sun was going down. As time crawled along, bits and pieces of what happened were coming back to him. Some regarding his Ghost.

"Kain…"

"Back at the room."

A statement meant to end the conversation. Still, Aro asked, "Are you angry with me?"

The Ghost kept on, not answering at first. After a time, when Aro accepted this would indeed wait until they were alone, Kain said softly, "No. You did what needed to be done. Not mad just…frustrated. At a lot of things but myself most of all."

When they turned down the familiar hall, both picked up the pace just slightly. Their front door opened for them. The lights were thankfully kept low. Aro was more willing to deal with bumping into things in the dark. They passed Asura's room, silent inside but they knew he was within.

Kain started again when the door to their bedroom was closed. "I feel…" he sighed. Aro was familiar with the feeling of words escaping him, so he sat on the bed and waited.

When he spoke again, it was aloud. "I never like when you go into that state. It's like you're someone else. I don't recognize you."

"Given what I've heard from the others, I'm not surprised."

"I don't mean like that. I mean, down to the deepest level. It's like someone else had replaced you entirely. Right down to your core. Your Light."

Aro felt a chill run down his spine. "Pride?" His voice trembled.

"No, not Pride. I would know if it was Pride. It feels familiar," Kain said, "Just not like you."

Aro rested his elbows on his knees. "How long have you felt like this? I've never noticed."

"On some level, for a few years now. On Mars, it became harder to ignore."

Aro sighed. He bent down and pulled off his shoes, his armor already changed out. He slid back on the bed until he leaned against the headboard. "Can I see the fight?"

Captures from the fight, pulled from every Ghost and compiled, projected from Kain's eye. Aro saw himself, shoulders high and heaving, fists balled, head low. His body was enveloped in a sheath of white light. Kain told him his eyes were very much the same; empty, shimmering white, the familiar dark brown absent. The him on Mars roared. The image shook with the force of it. Kain assured him the floors and walls did as well.

Then, he moved and Aro forgot the last time he blinked. He watched himself as Cabal were bathed in Solar Light, torn to atoms by the Void. Aro watched himself move from group to group, tearing through them like a blade through wet paper. Waves of flame shot out from his body and sought out those who he had not yet set eyes on. If they stood their ground and fought, they died. If they ran, they died.

It made him shiver to see himself like this. He might not have remembered much of what happened but he remembered those screams, the panic. The panic he caused. Soon, the only Cabal left standing was Valus Tau'arc. Deep down, Aro knew he had only been spared because he wanted to save him for last.

Aro stared as the Valus was tossed back by a burst of Void, Solar Light extended from the tip of his fingers, flat and sharp, like a blade. The blade was used to sever one arm from its owner and then the other, both tumbling to the ground in heavy clatters of metal. Then, the bright-hot blade shoved straight through the Valus' chest and when the Valus had been reduced to his knees from the pain, blood loss and despair, Aro let out a blast of Light from his palm. The projectile was as small as his hand compared to the Cabal helmet. It was aimed inches from the Colossus' face and released with minimum effort. The wall behind Valus Tau'arc was still torn to pieces in the resulting explosion. The Valus was left unrecognizable.

Aro's eyes suddenly snapped towards the window. Kain turned as well, the feed disappearing. Aro pushed off the bed and tentatively approached it. He moved the blinds slightly, to see what was on the other side but found nothing. "I thought I heard something," he explained uneasily, to no one in particular.

"Wings?" Aro looked back at his Ghost. Kain had definitely heard them too.

He let the blinds fall, leaving him in the dark again. Whatever sense of self he had managed to regain in the last few hours had been stripped away from him once again. Kain was right; the way he fought was nothing like him. But watching it back now, Aro could recall the fight; distantly but readily.

An urge welled within him. "Call Daniel," it said. If for nothing else, just to hear the sound of his voice. He'd likely even be sleeping himself. Knowing he was would help Aro do the same.

But memories of their last conversations face to face rose up as well. Anger and apologies, fear and guilt. He remembered Maya. The promise he broke in a moment of…

He wanted to call it weakness; to speak to someone he cared for. He knew it was wrong to call it such, even if that was exactly what it was.

Suddenly, the thought of Daniel's voice no longer brought comfort. Aro lowered himself to the bed, curling in until his knees were almost pressed against his chest. It took hours to fall asleep but that night, there were no dreams. He was grateful for that.