**Again it's been a long hiatus... Hope you guys like this chapter. It's been a while, but I'm rereading my earlier chapters and trying to tie up everything. I'm excited :) **
"One of you?" Nicky cringed as his captor inched closer and puffed his hot breath on Nicky's neck in an uncanny sort of way. The man had his hand on Nicky's bicep while he lowered himself to Nicky's level and lay down beside him on the floor.
"Just like me." He said softly, raising his fingers to Nicky's face and tracing them along his jaw.
Nicky threw his neck back as far as he could in a futile attempt to skirt the contact. "Well, I don't know who you are so I can't agree. Why don't you tell me your name?" Nicky said calmly.
There was silence to follow. The man remained lying on his side next to Nicky with his knees curled and his eyes piercing Nicky's soul. He didn't move except for the subtle motions of his shoulders as he breathed.
Nicky could hear his own heart pounding and was sure his floor companion could, as well.
Finally, he answered. "You can call me Julian."
"Okay, Julian." Nicky paused. "I've never heard of you."
Julian sat up swiftly with a smile spreading across his face. "Doesn't surprise me. But I've heard of you. And heard you."
His words sent a new surge of fear through Nicky. Everything about Julian was familiar and the reason was slowly revealing itself.
"You were something of a celebrity to me when I was young. Do you know what it's like to live in someone's shadow? Well I lived in yours." Julian's smile remained on his face, but the rage in his eyes rendered it sinister.
Nicky's mind was racing faster than his heart rate. "What do you mean? Are you a cop or something?"
Julian laid back down again in even closer proximity to Nicky this time. "No, I teach." He reached for Nicky's hair, tucking a stray curl behind Nicky's ear. It sent ice down Nicky's spine. "And coach hockey."
Conseiko kicked off from the floor and unceremoniously arrived at Chris' desk in his swivel chair. "Hey, I've been thinking—"
Chris held up a hand. "Let me stop you right there, Jacob."
"Funny." Conseiko said, looking annoyed. "How'd the surveillance footage look at the porn shop?"
"Concerning." Chris took a sip of his coffee. "I'm concerned for the direction America's headed. But I couldn't get a visual of the kid or the license plate of that station wagon."
"Great. Well, I was just going to suggest that we check out the business next store and see if they have surveillance cameras."
Chris huffed. "I think I've got something better. A brown-panelled station wagon was reported missing a week ago. It's registered to a David Carter."
Conseiko's face lit up. "Why the hell didn't you tell me? He's gotta be our guy!"
While a break in the case was just what they needed, Chris could see that there was one missing piece of the puzzle. They were so close that his heart was racing. "Because David Carter died in 1992."
"So who reported it missing?" Conseiko's wheels were both metaphorically and literally turning, as he swivelled back and forth in his chair.
"His widow." Chris said, reaching back and interlocking his fingers behind his neck. "But here's the fun part. She lives in Jersey City. The car has New Jersey plates."
Conseiko jumped up. "Why'd she report it in Philly? It went missing here? What was she doing here?"
Chris joined his partner on his feet when he spotted Jennifer, the secretary, approaching right on cue with a file in her hand. "Rivera, this fax is from the nine-nine." She laid it on his desk, nodded at Chris' thanks, and retreated from the bullpen.
Conseiko crowded Chris' desk as he opened the folder.
Chris' eyes scanned the document even while he growled, "Hey, Conseiko? You want to take a step back?"
Grumbling, Conseiko complied.
"Son of a bitch!" Chris said with a bemused expression. "Donna Carter's police report says she was visiting family in Philly when it got stolen. Her son! David Carter has a son living in Philly."
Conseiko nabbed the file out of Chris' hands. "Let's go pay Julian Carter a visit."
A hockey coach, a gym teacher, a trusted childcare provider—Nicky would have to admit that he's stupid if he said that he still didn't follow. It wasn't in his head this time. He was sure of that now. It was his worse nightmare realized. Nicky had been right to feel like this encounter was familiar.
What he didn't tell people – what he never told his family, his friends, his girlfriends – was that the reason they felt like they couldn't get close to Nicky was that closeness made him feel afraid. Every touch set alarms off in his mind that made his whole body go stiff. Any time he was left alone with someone, he felt claustrophobic and cornered. When he went anywhere, his level of unease was based on whether he thought people would be able to hear him screaming. If he ever yielded to a woman's invitation to spend the night with her, he could only get off if he was on top and in control.
His entire being was damaged because he had been raped. When he got older, he found it easier to trust his friends and family again. However, he could never trust the feeling of being touched. It never felt right. It always felt violating, dirty, wrong. He always consciously resisted cringing under someone's touch no matter who it was. To feel like that everyday was like being raped everyday. Again and again, unceasing and never letting him forget.
"Julian Carter." Nicky croaked, feeling his stomach turn.
Julian's eyebrows raised and disappeared underneath the hair on his forehead. "So you do know me. Well how 'bout that!"
It was just like that and all the memories – ones Nicky didn't even realize he'd buried and ones that he did – came rushing back as the floodgates gave way. "You were a shit hockey player."
Julian's eyebrows fell into a frown, but he let out a chuckle. "Yes, I was. But I wanted to be just like you."
The room started to spin around Nicky and he was sure he was going to be sick. He shut his eyes and took several deep breaths, trying to keep down what little he had on his stomach. "I'm assuming you know what he did to me. That's what this is all about, right? You wanna show me you're just like me?"
When Nicky reopened his eyes he saw that that damned smile was back on Julian's face. "On the contrary… you're just like me now, Nicholas. Just like us."
"You mean a fuckin' train wreck? Sure, we're twins. Big fuckin' whoop." He paused. "Who do you mean by 'us'?"
"People like you and me who see how special people like we were are." Julian climbed to his feet and began circling the apartment.
"You don't mean—"
"Children. Yes."
Nicky couldn't contain it anymore. His nose was soon immersed in a puddle of his own vomit.
Julian didn't show signs of noticing.
"You think I'm a pedophile?! Are you kidding me?" Nicky roared, as vomit dripped from his cheek. "You're a sick fuck, you know that? What the hell do you want from me? I have never hurt a child! My life was ruined because of your degenerate father. I would never do that to someone else."
Julian erupted suddenly in hysterics. "Oh come on! That's why you work in Sex Crimes! You love it. You can't get enough of it. Not to mention that sweet little buddy of yours. Shawn?"
It was no longer nausea that consumed Nicky, but rage. Julian was Shawn's stalker. He'd been watching them all along. "YOU STAY AWAY FROM HIM!" Nicky shook with fury. "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!"
Julian dropped to his knees beside Nicky and shoved his hand in Nicky's mouth. "Shhhh.. now, now." He said and barely reacted when Nicky bit him as hard as he could muster. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and gagged Nicky. Before he could get the fabric in Nicky's mouth, Nicky released an ear-busting scream, resulting in Julian cold-cocking him.
He came to presumably a few minutes later.
The gag was pulled tight around Nicky's head and cutting into the corners of his mouth. It served its purpose. He gagged as he began to panic.
Julian's gruff voice came from behind Nicky. "That won't happen again will it, Nicholas? Next time I'll cut off one of those pretty fingers of yours. Understood?"
When Nicky didn't react, Julian seized Nicky's throat in his large hand and squeezed. In his grip, he forced Nicky off the floor by several inches. "Understood?" He asked again, louder this time.
A moan escaped from Nicky's mouth and Julian accepted it as an answer.
"Bratty and an idiot. They're right, you know. We should never meet our heroes." Julian released Nicky's throat and gripped his jaw instead. He clicked his tongue condescendingly as he forced Nicky's neck to twist and stretch beyond his shoulder. "Look what you made me do to your face! You're ruining everything!"
With the motion, Nicky felt the centre from which Julian's tensions were coming from. He let out a low, frustrated groan, realizing that without being able to delay him with dialogue, Julian's plan would soon come to fruition.
Julian quirked an eyebrow and slid a hand under Nicky's head. "Will you be a good boy?" He asked, fondling the knot on the gag. "I wasn't kidding. I'll start with the thumb." He said, fondling Nicky's left fist in his other hand. "Well, in case you don't believe me…" He suddenly pried Nicky's thumb out of his palm and snapped it back toward his wrist.
Nicky howled in pain and rolled back as far as he could in his fetters. Anything to make himself less vulnerable; he was utterly exposed.
"No. No." Julian said over Nicky's muffled screaming and forced Nicky onto his stomach. "I hope you learned your lesson." He untied the gag and smoothed his hand over Nicky's hair. "Good. Good boy."
"Oh God!" Nicky cried, forcing himself to remain still even while he felt his thumb dangling against his back. "Why did you do that?" He barked through gritted teeth, suddenly feeling significantly more furious than fearful.
Julian gripped Nicky's shirt at either shoulder and lifted him high enough so Nicky could see him. His voice was like ice when he growled: "Because you misbehaved. Misbehaving boys get punished." He released Nicky, letting him fall hard on his chin against the floor.
It was becoming clearer to Nicky that this guy had more to complain about in regard to Coach Carter. Even if he wasn't complaining per se, – he had taken up his father's trade in the sexualisation of children – it was certainly possible that he suffered more abuse than Nicky had at those same hands. At least Nicky had been able to walk away.
"Is that what your old man did to you? Did he punish you like that?" Nicky asked. He was a detective after all.
Julian took Nicky's question as an invitation to lie back down beside him. He prodded Nicky over onto his side to face him before he answer: "Little boys are boisterous. They need a firm hand to keep them in line."
Nicky shrugged. "Sure, but my dad never broke my thumb."
"Oh but I know about you Italians. You know the wrath of the wooden spoon…and I just heard you telling Shawn about your daddy's leather belt."
"Those are old fashioned punishments. That's how my father was raised in the old country." Nicky braced himself. "The difference is my Pop didn't rape me afterward."
Julian gave Nicky a quick survey before his face spread into a sinister looking smile. "Well, you know you're going to have to pay for talking to me like that. But I just had an idea."
"Oh yeah?" Nicky tried to sound casual.
In a matter of a few seconds, Julian had climbed behind Nicky and cut the zip ties from around his wrists. But before Nicky could react, Julian had jerked both of Nicky's arms outward and with considerable force, propelled them above their normal range of motion, effectively and agonizingly yanking Nicky's arms from their sockets.
Nicky howled and didn't stop even when his arms fell to his sides with only an overwhelming sensation of numbness.