The Detective and the Tech Guy
Author: Steampunk . Chuckster
Rating: T
Summary: A case of mistaken identity and murder brings Sarah Walker, Pinkerton agent, to sunny California. Protecting the heir to the Bartowski Electronics Corporation should be just business - but Chuck Bartowski fills out a suit nicely and makes a mean martini. Chuck lobbied to hire the Pinkerton Agency, but had no idea the detective they'd send would be as alluring, intelligent and fascinating as Sarah Walker. Will the detective and the tech guy solve the mystery, distracted by the riddle in their own hearts? An homage to The Thin Man movies.
Disclaimer: No money is being made from this story. I don't own Chuck or The Thin Man series.
Author's Note: Had to make this its own chapter even though it takes place right after the events of The Detectives Versus the Assistant arc. Just felt like it had to be on its own. Enjoy!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Sarah Walker, private investigator, was neck deep in a procedural mystery book when the knock sounded on her apartment door. She lifted her gaze from the page and looked out of her open window down at one of her neighbors feeding a piece of carrot she'd just picked from her little courtyard garden to her dog, patting him on his shaggy black head.
And then she sighed in annoyance and glanced back at the door, folding the corner of the page she was on and closing it. Thanks to a sidewalk sale at a nearby indie bookstore, she had a bunch of used mass markets she'd gotten for fifty cents each, and she had every intention of forcing herself to take it easy and work her way through them.
It was a promise she'd made to herself in the throes of exhaustion staying late at the office for yet another case, after going thirteen days without taking a day off. She would do this for herself.
Today was her first day off now that she'd finished the case, and she was ready for a whole day of reading an only-okay book, drinking a martini, getting food delivered, and maybe she would even watch some television. But she wasn't touching work. She wasn't taking another case. (And that was a lie, because the second someone came to her agency, left her a message, or sent her an email inquiry about another case, she'd be on that thing like a fly on flypaper.)
She'd texted Chuck to periodically check on her and make sure she was following the rules, just to give herself a referee of sorts. She'd already gotten two "You'd better not be working" texts from him today, and she was satisfied he was doing his job adequately.
But now she went to her door and hoped it wasn't her landlord with some thing about this and that not being in order today because blah blah blah. Not on her day off, please…
It wasn't her landlord.
She opened the door and immediately felt her spirits shoot through the ceiling, through the apartments above hers, and blast through the building's roof, all the way into space.
"Ellie!" She beamed, and then her gaze dropped to find her youngest little friend propped on the surgeon's hip. "And Claraaaaa!" she drawled. "Oh my goodness, hellooooo." She thrusted her arms out towards Clara. "Can I hug you?"
Ellie laughed as Clara reached out a hand towards the fellow blonde. "That's a yes."
"Yaaay!" Sarah opened the door wider for Ellie to come in even as she took Clara from her mother's arms and groaned happily at being able to hug her again. She squeezed her, loving the hand that rested on her jaw and moved to her neck. "Hello, Clara. How are you?"
"Der guh. Buuuhhhhhh guh."
"Is that so?" She pulled back and looked into her face. "You look very pretty today in your yellow bear blouse. And also I smell something. She might have just pooped the second you handed her over to me."
"That's my girl! Poop on Sarah and not me."
Sarah cracked up, letting the mother take the baby back from her. "That's fair. I guess I deserved that."
"It's okay, we've all been pooped on. It's like a rite of passage when a little one comes into your lives."
Shutting the door behind Ellie, Sarah followed her into the apartment, taking the large parenting bag off of her shoulder to help her. "So to what do I owe this excellent surprise visit on my day off?"
"Oh no, it's your day off? Are we interrupting your day of rest?" Ellie asked, sincerely concerned.
Sarah laughed, pointing Ellie over to her couch and helping her spread the changing pad and blanket out so that she could change Clara's diaper in a comfortable place. "This made my day off ten times better. Trust me, I was literally just lounging around and I was getting a little bored with the book I'm reading."
"What is it about?"
"Somebody got murdered, crime scene investigator finds incongruent evidence, has to find out who did it, yadda yadda."
"Ah. Listen, sometimes you need to just get lost in a not-great-but-not-terrible book to get your brain out of…Work Land. Or Life in General Land. Whatever."
"Exactly. But you still didn't answer why you two are gifting me with your presence."
"Chuck told me you were home and Clara and I were in the area. It's as simple as that."
Sarah grinned as Ellie distractedly passed over a balled up, soiled diaper. "Fantastic reason."
"Oh. Sorry. I'm so used to giving those to Devon and you were just here."
"I'll take care of it," she giggled. "I've got to take the trash out anyway."
Ellie tilted her head thoughtfully even as she enfolded her daughter into a new diaper. Sarah went and tossed the diaper in the garbage. "I'd wait on that a few minutes and I'll tell you why. This one loves to poo in a new diaper. It's her favorite. There's a pretty good chance she'll do it again soon. Give it, like, five minutes."
Sarah giggled as she came back around to sit. "Is that a new phase?"
"Yep. It's so much fun." She sighed then, finally looking at Sarah and smiling. "Hi!"
"Hi."
Blowing out a breath that pushed stray strands of dark hair from her face, Ellie passed her daughter a toy. "There. Have fun, kid." Clara cooed in excitement and played with the soft cube in her hands. "She's so easy. Like her dad. Hehe."
Sarah laughed.
"I'm sorry we just showed up out of the blue. Do you even get days off? And here we come busting in."
"No, stop it. I'm glad you're both here. You're a ray of sunshine that I sorely needed." And maybe she shouldn't have said that, maybe she should've known better, because Ellie Bartowski Woodcomb picked up on literally everything. Even more so than her brother. Tone, she heard it. Look, she saw it.
And Ellie caught all of the above this time, she was sure. Because she gave Sarah a very pointed searching look. "Oh yeah?"
There it was.
Sarah brushed her hand through the air dismissively but Ellie's look intensified, and got flatter too.
"You okay…?" she finally asked.
"Yes."
No. Not really.
"The way you said that, it really felt like a no, Sarah. Just putting that out there."
Sarah glared, then sighed, shaking her head and propping her elbow on the back of the couch, her chin falling into her palm. "Do you want something to drink? I never asked. I'm a bad hostess," she tried.
"Actually, if you have something with sugar, I could use that right now. But no, I'm not letting you skip away from the topic at hand by offering me a drink."
Making a face, Sarah got up from the couch. "I just made lemonade from farmer's market lemons, so you're in luck, but also damn you for seeing right through me."
"Thank yooooou," she drawled over the back of the couch as she picked Clara up and cradled her again. "And you're welcome."
The P.I. giggled and shook her head as she went into the kitchen to pour Ellie lemonade. On second thought, she poured herself some too, and she just barely kept herself from pouring vodka into it. It was too early for that, though, and she needed to just face the music, so to speak.
The Bartowskis were lovable and beautiful human beings, but they pushed. They pushed too much for her liking sometimes, and it was just something she needed to deal with if she meant to spend the rest of her life with them in her life.
But she wouldn't budge here. She didn't let Chuck get it out of her, and she wouldn't let Ellie. It was too hard. And she didn't want to feel that pain again. It was still too fresh, and too deep. If she brought it up, a lot of stuff would come up with it, stuff she wasn't ready for.
So no.
Not today, and maybe not even tomorrow or the next day. Someday? Yes. But not now.
She came back and sat down, handing Ellie the lemonade. But then she stopped and pulled it back. "Can we maybe barter, here? Lemonade for super adorable baby girl?"
Ellie laughed. "Out of context, this is going to look like I'm trading my child for a glass of lemonade, but I'm doing it anyway."
The exchange was made and Sarah gathered Clara up in her embrace with a breathy, "Hiiiiiiii yooooooou." Clara gurgled and put her palm on Sarah's nose, making the older blonde giggle. "She's honestly so precious, Ellie."
"Oh, I know. And a pain in the ass. But that's parenting."
Sarah cracked up. "You make it sound so nice."
"It has its ups and downs, Sarah, I'll say that. But most importantly, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I wouldn't trade that little girl for the world." She paused then, and held up the glass of lemonade. "Maybe for a glass of lemonade, though. Apparently."
Laughing, Sarah leaned back against the couch, getting comfortable, taking an extra amount of comfort from the weight in her arms, the warmth of the little body pressed to her chest, the sweet face smiling up at her.
"So what's wrong then?"
Sarah shook her head a little. "I'm actually fine. Really."
"You aren't, but if you don't want to tell me, that's okay."
That got Ellie a flat look. "You and your brother, I swear."
"Yeah, we're kind of obnoxious."
A thought occurred to Sarah then and she turned to face Ellie better. "He talked to you about it, didn't he?" Ellie raised her eyebrows in question. "About our little…argument thing." He had to. That was why she was here. "He really did! He told you! Did he complain about me not talking to him about my messy past?" She didn't like how much that upset her. Ellie was Chuck's sister and it wasn't exactly fair for her to be mad that he vented a little to the older woman. She imagined Ellie had always been Chuck's outlet because, for all intents and purposes, Ellie Bartowski Woodcomb wasn't the type to tell you what you wanted to hear. She told you what you needed to hear. And Sarah wondered what Ellie told Chuck when he came to her with this. "He keeps doing this. He tells me that he understands," she continued before Ellie could respond. "But then he doesn't actually understand and he dwells and internalizes 'til he goes crazy, and it drives me crazy. He does it all the time and it is exhausting, Ellie."
Ellie giggled. "Hit the nail on the head with that guy. But no, um…I actually haven't talked to my brother in a few days, save that novel he texted me about some video game the other day." She went into her bag and fished out her phone, and as Sarah felt riddled with guilt for making assumptions, Ellie flashed the screen at her. "A novel. See this? He's insane. Why would I care about this?"
Sarah chuckled. It really was a long text. "He gets passionate. It's cute."
"I'm glad you think so." She snorted. "I guess it's sort of cute. But sometimes I'm also like, send this shit to Morgan." Ellie shook her head and put the phone away again. "But no he hasn't mentioned anything. You guys fought about something, huh?"
"Not a full-on fight. We're good. I'm pretty sure I hurt his feelings, though, and maybe he didn't have to go venting to his big sister about it, but I think he's still probably hurt. I can feel him tiptoeing when he's around me."
"About?" Sarah sent her a flat look and she held up her free hand defensively. "Hey, it's perfectly acceptable for me to ask that question."
Sarah sighed as Ellie took another sip of her lemonade. She had to give her that. "Yeah, I know. I just don't… Look, this potential client got really testy about me not taking his case—he's an asshole criminal basically and I don't f…eff with that type."
"Good catch," Ellie whispered, eyeing her still wide awake daughter who was playing with Sarah's ponytail in her fingers.
Sarah smirked and looked down at Clara again. "He apparently did some background checks on me, and Chuck just happened to be there when the guy stomped in to yell at me for not taking his case, and he said something he found out about my past. In front of Chuck. And he saw how much it bothered me that the non-client brought it up. And, God, in pure Chuck fashion, he shoved that away in that little spot in his brain that he keeps there just for me."
Ellie tilted her head and pouted. "That's sweet, though."
"It is. It is sweet. He did that a lot back when I was working your dad's case and it made me super uncomfortable and it also made me fall in love with him, so…" She shrugged. "I'm a contradiction like that, I guess."
"Aren't we all…" Ellie said flatly.
Sarah sniffed in amusement. "Anyway, he brought it up later when we were driving home. I'll have you know he trapped me!" She pointed at Ellie in consternation. "I was stuck in a moving car with him and that was when he brought it up."
Ellie snorted. "So you couldn't escape him. I know it upset you, but…that's kind of clever. I have to hand it to him." Sarah glared. "Sorry! He shouldn't have done it and I disagree with it completely but it was clever, you have to hand it to him."
"I do not." If she wasn't holding Clara snug against her chest, she would cross her arms. So instead she just pouted a bit and cradled Clara closer. "It was messed up. And then he needled me about my d—the thing he heard Macklin mention to get under my skin. He knew it had gotten under my skin. And he kept pushing me, telling me I could trust him. And I snapped at him. I don't want to talk about it. Not to him, or you, or anybody. And it doesn't seem like that difficult of a request, for people to just leave me alone about it."
Her friend was quiet for a while, a thoughtful look on her face. Sarah didn't think she was offended, at least she didn't look it. Just…thoughtful. Maybe she was figuring out what to say. Or maybe she was going to pull a Chuck and use the fact that she had her daughter semi-falling asleep in Sarah's arms now to trap her and get her to talk.
Oh God, how did Sarah manage to get herself into this position again?
"Okay. Well, Chuck is…" Ellie pursed her lips. "He is the sweetest person on the face of this earth." That was true. "He's constantly thinking about other people, other people's needs, how he can help, what they want from him, how to please them." All true. "And sometimes he loses sight of the…details under that." She winced. "Let me see if I can phrase that better. He gets so distracted by his need to help, to be everything you need, that he doesn't see the thing right in front of his face. In this case, the fact that you simply didn't want to share this one thing with him."
It was a lot of things she didn't want to share with him. A lot of things wrapped into one. "But it isn't about him." She shook her head. "Not trying to sound like some crappy romcom trope with the 'It's not you, it's me' garbage, but honestly, it isn't about him. And I snapped at him and told him he was making it about him and I feel bad for being so mean to him about the whole thing." She winced. "I was mean. And I know I hurt his feelings."
"You apologized though, right?" Sarah gave her a searching look and she held up a hand. "I'm assuming you did. You aren't the person who doesn't apologize when an apology is necessary. You don't roll like that."
"I don't," she said with a snort. "You're right. And I did apologize, but I never did talk to him about the thing from my past. And I have no intention of telling him. Not right now. I…can't. And it isn't that I don't want to tell him specifically, I don't want to tell anybody. I just want to keep it buried where it can't…" Absolutely destroy me.
She ducked her head and gently let a finger run over Clara's thickening, darkening hair. "How do you stand how cute she is?"
"It's my one great burden," Ellie said with the proper amount of gravity. Sarah giggled. "Sarah, if it's too painful to talk about, I get it. But I hope you do talk about it someday. With somebody." Sarah eyed her a bit critically and she shrugged. "Doesn't have to be me, and I'm not going to push. Doesn't have to be Chuck, even if he does push. But somebody. Because bad BS like that, if it's bad enough, boiling inside of you for years and years and years, it has the potential to become bigger, badder…and then it starts getting into other places inside of you and giving you long-lasting issues. It messes with your brain."
Sarah nodded. "I know. I'm just not…ready. And Chuck was having a really hard time just letting it go. So I was mean to him. To get him to stop. I regret it. But I don't regret not telling him."
"It hurts. I get it. And I get why he's hurt, too. If it's that big, that bad, and he knows it's there, but he doesn't know what it is?" Ellie widened her green eyes and puffed her cheeks out, looking a lot like her brother in that moment. "I know my brother, and that's probably making him feel nuts. Because you're hurting from something, and he doesn't know what it is, and there's nothing he can do to fix it, to solve your problem and make you feel better, and he's probably really struggling with that."
"I know he is," Sarah breathed, letting her head fall back, staring at the ceiling. "And he says he gets it, that he understands, but it's hurting his feelings that I haven't told him. I know it and still I just can't. I can't…live through it again right now."
Ellie sighed. "Okay. I understand that. And even if he's upset about it, I would wager Chuck understands too." Sarah gave her a flat look again and she winced. "He likes to talk and share and open up, I know. And he projects that onto other people. But he loves you, Sarah. All of you."
"Including the effed up hang-ups and baggage?" She could feel that was what Ellie had meant.
"Yep."
Sarah snorted. "Thanks for not trying to convince me I don't have hang-ups and baggage."
"We all have baggage, and maybe yours is worse than most people's. I don't know." She reached over and squeezed Sarah's wrist tightly. "I hope not. Because you're my best friend and I care about you a lot. So I hope it's not too terrible." It was, but all Sarah felt was the reassuring, calm pressure of Ellie's touch, and the kindness and affection emanating from her eyes.
"Thanks, Ellie. I care about you a lot, too."
Ellie scoffed. "Sure. You're using me to get to hold my daughter. Obviously."
"Oh, you found me out. She's just so cute and lovable," Sarah cooed, giggling as she looked down into the blinking baby's face. She let Clara wrap her little fist around her pointer finger and smiled. But the smile dimmed a bit. "Ellie, I'm not trying to hurt your brother. That's the last thing I'd ever want to do. But I can't just dive headfirst into this thing again because he wants to know everything about my past. I can't do that to myself right now."
Ellie was quiet. And then, "It's that traumatic?" Sarah shut her eyes tight, giving Ellie the smallest of nods. "Sarah…" What? What was she going to say? Ellie's hand wrapped around her arm again and she felt the other woman shift closer on the couch, squeezing. "You don't want to relive it again, okay. You don't have to talk about it. But I have to just say that I get where Chuck's coming from. I love you too, in a different way…" Sarah opened her eyes and gave Ellie a look. "Obviously," the brunette added, sheepishly. Sarah smirked a bit at that. "Knowing you're hurting about something in your past, something you aren't gonna tell us about, is giving me a kind of helpless feeling. Like, I want to help you."
"I know, but…it's in the past. And nobody can really help me except for me. So…let's leave it in the past for now, huh?" She held Clara tighter. "Please?"
Ellie sighed. "I'm not making you tell me anything. I just get Chuck's worry over it. I'm worried too. But nobody's entitled to your story. Not me, not Chuck. Not anyone. You get why he's so concerned though, why he was pushing?"
"Of course I get it. I also know that I'm in the wrong, but Ellie, I don't want to fix it just yet. Not right now. I will. Eventually. But I'm not there yet. Okay?"
"Okay." Ellie nodded resolutely. "I get it. And I'm not just saying that."
"I know." Sarah smiled a bit and nodded. "Thank you."
"Sure."
Sarah huffed. "I know you're in a bit of a tough spot, stuck between me and Chuck a lot of the time. His sister… and my best friend."
"Maybe. But it's worth it. I can handle straddling the line between being a good best friend and a good sister to two people who are in a serious relationship. And you can talk to me about anything, even if you are dating my brother." She paused thoughtfully. "Even if it's about my brother. I'll do my best." She winced.
"Thank you. You know, you can complain to me about him too. I love him more than anything, but he's got faults."
"Oh he absolutely does," she said immediately, making Sarah laugh. "But we all do."
"Mhm. But his faults somehow make him more lovable? I don't know how that works but it does." She shook her head. "I just have to deal with him digging and picking and needling sometimes and know that it's because he loves me and wants to protect me."
"He wants to provide everything you need."
"He does. It's frustrating sometimes because there's just stuff I don't need him for, stuff I can and need to do on my own. Still…I do need him." She shrugged. "Every day, he comes through for me in ways I never thought possible. I mean, people never…meant this much to me before. I never meant this much to other people either. I'm still…stumbling through it." She winced. "I know that makes me sound completely dysfunctional."
Ellie giggled and rubbed her shoulder. "Sarah Walker, you are very different from us Bartowskis." Heat came up from her collar at that, and she fixed her gaze on the drowsy baby in her arms, her grip loosening on her finger as she began to fall asleep in earnest. "That isn't a criticism. Different isn't bad. But you've lived a different existence, you've had different priorities, been on a different path. I don't know for sure, but I assume."
"I definitely have," she said, widening her eyes. "What I wouldn't have given for a sibling like you…"
God, if she'd had an Ellie growing up, the trauma would've landed much more gently in her heart. Someone to cling to who understood at the deepest level what going through all of that had been like. Someone who'd seen it too, who'd had to struggle through it alongside her. But Ellie, specifically. Her ability to critically observe, to analyze, to break things down calmly and concisely—as opposed to Chuck, who let emotions sweep him up and acted rashly, doing what he thought was the right thing before thinking it through all the way. Still, she loved that about him. And she loved Ellie for how she was. The honesty Ellie always fell back on, relied on, when approaching a problem. She hung her hat on the truth, always. And Sarah could've used the truth from somebody back then.
But her thoughts were getting too deep into the mire she was trying with every single part of her to push back into the shadows. She couldn't do this right now.
And in spite of how much she admired, appreciated, connected with, and loved this woman, as much as she was easily the best friend she'd had ever in her life, Chuck needed to be the first person she said all of it out loud to. He needed to be the first person to hear her story.
There was no one else she wanted to talk to more than she wanted to talk to him. But.
"Ellie, I can't right now. I'm not…strong enough."
Ellie nodded and smiled reassuringly. "You're plenty strong. There's no enough about it. But I feel like…" She sighed. "Look, as women, I feel like we're always stuck between a rock and a hard place. Like, either we have to be the weakling damsels in distress who can't do anything ourselves and need support and have flaws, or we have to be the epitome of strength itself, like…a fucking Amazonian lady who kicks in doors and nothing effects us and we're badass one hundred percent of the time, and-and perfect. We're never allowed to be both, or neither, or somewhere in between." She moved her hand to her daughter's head and stroked her hair lovingly. "I want Clara to grow up knowing she doesn't always have to be the strongest person in the room, but I also want her to have everything she needs to be strong most of the time. We can't be strong all the damn time, Sarah. We're humans."
Sarah watched as Ellie's green eyes swept up to meet her blue ones. "Right now, you aren't strong enough to talk about whatever it is that happened to you. That's okay. You don't have to be until you're ready to be. It's okay to not always be strong. It's okay that sometimes we don't have the willpower to get where we know we need to be. There's always tomorrow. You know your own limitations, nobody else can tell you what they are."
Sarah sighed heavily and smiled. "Thank you for that. I guess I needed to hear it." Her insides were swimming with something both warm and nerves-inducing at the same time.
"And honestly, Chuck might not really…get that. He's not us. He's not a woman. He doesn't know what it feels like to have that pressure from both sides, to have those particular expectations deeply ingrained in him." Sarah made a face. "What? It's true. He's got…different stuff."
"I was gonna say… that boy isn't completely devoid of unfair expectations. He puts everything on his shoulders."
"I know." Ellie nodded. "He really does."
"And I know he's taking this hard. I don't blame him, Ellie." She knew she should be able to talk to him. She should be able to sit him down and just spew it all, put it out in the open, finally, for the first time in her life. He was the only person she could imagine telling, and still, she couldn't make herself do it.
She knew this was wrong. But she couldn't make it right. Not yet.
"I'll tell him," she said out loud. "Eventually."
"Well, he needs to wait in the meantime. And I'm sure he gets that much. I'm sure he's willing to do that much."
"I haven't exactly given him a choice." She snorted. "God, poor guy."
"Not poor guy." Ellie crossed her arms. "He's gonna survive just fine, Sar. You trust him, don't you?"
"More than, like, everyone in my life before I met him, even if you stuck them all together. I trust him more than I ever thought I could trust another person. It actually scared me back when I was supposed to be keeping my distance." She made a wry face. "Suffice to say, I failed at that."
"Oh, you both did," Ellie giggled. "That's okay. It's not like it ended up being a bad thing."
"Quite the opposite. So…yes, of course I trust him." Clara was officially in a deep, deep sleep. Sarah felt her body expanding with each slow breath she took, her lips gaping open, her fists curled into little balls against Sarah's chest. It was so comforting holding this child in her arms. Life was just beginning for this little girl, and she was totally devoid of the particular agonies and disappointments of adolescence, teenhood, and finally adulthood.
"Maybe that's something he needs to hear." Ellie shrugged as Sarah looked away from the baby to the mother. "Who knows what he's thinking? Sometimes I can peg that boy's brain and other times, I do not get what in the hell he is thinking. Especially where you're concerned, sometimes I wanna thump him in the noggin."
Sarah tilted her head in curiosity. "What do you mean?"
"It's hard to explain. It's like…I've never seen anyone give him so much confidence in himself, the way he just stands straighter around you, how he's almost seemed to, like, take his life by the horns in a way he hadn't before you two started dating." Sarah blushed, more pleased than she could drum up the courage to say out loud. "And then other times, it's like he's so aware of how insanely pretty you are, and cool, and smart and capable and efficient and put-together."
The younger woman scoffed then let go of Clara with one hand to gesture at herself. "Put-together? Ummmmm, this whole situation is a testament to just how not put-together I am."
"First of all, give yourself a break," Ellie said flatly. "But also, come on, Sarah. Nobody is better than you are at putting one foot in front of the other, each step better than the last, keeping up a front of competence and efficiency in those rare times you might not be as sure of what you're doing. It's why you're the perfect private investigator. It's why you were the perfect person to lead my dad's case a few years ago. You get the job done no matter what—or who—gets in your way."
Sarah squirmed in discomfort again. "It's…how I've had to be."
"Sure. Of course. Makes sense. But my point is, it wouldn't hurt to make sure he knows the reason you aren't telling him isn't because you don't trust him with whatever this is that's causing you so much distress."
Frowning, the P.I. dropped her gaze to Clara again. The baby wrinkled up her nose in a way that reminded her of Ellie, but it also reminded her of Chuck, too. And she felt an ache in her chest at the realization that the other woman was right. "It hurts. It isn't…him. I trust him with it. I just don't trust myself to say it out loud without…crumbling." Even just saying that much made her voice shake.
"Oh. Sweetie." Ellie reached over and squeezed her wrist. "I wish I could take it all away."
That nearly made Sarah cry on the spot, and she felt her lip quivering as she shook her head vehemently. "Nobody can. I've tried. Pushing it into a deep, dark trench is the best way to handle my shit." She shrugged and Clara shifted in her sleep. Sarah winced and lifted an apologetic look to Ellie, whispering, "Sorry."
Ellie giggled, shaking her head. "Don't worry. It technically isn't really her nap time for an hour or so. I'm just letting her sleep. She looks like she feels so safe and comfortable right now."
An unseen fist wrapped around Sarah's heart at that and squeezed. Hard. She smiled down at the baby. "Well, it goes both ways." She made a face. "Can I say that? That a baby makes me feel safe and comfortable?"
"Yes," Ellie said, beaming. "And that's seriously the cutest thing I've heard in a while." Sarah sent a warm look at the other woman. "Do you want to just hold her while she sleeps for a few hours? Or should us Woodcombs get out of your hair so you can enjoy your day off?"
Sarah realized she didn't know. Would holding Clara while she slept for a few hours be so bad? A the moment, she didn't really think so. But she felt weird about admitting that, so she didn't. "I guess I can let you two go, if you've gotta get her home for her real nap."
Ellie snorted. "There's no such thing as a real nap with this one. Will she sleep twenty minutes? Two hours?" She threw up her hands. "I don't fuggin' know."
Giggling, Sarah leaned over to let Ellie take her daughter back. "Well, when you're this adorable, you can sleep however the heck you want, for as long as you want."
Scoffing, the surgeon stood up to get ready to leave as Sarah helped her put things back into her giant magic parenting bag. That was what Chuck called it, at least. The giant magic parenting bag. "Oh, and she knows it," Ellie said. "Trust me. You can't tell this kid shit."
Sarah full-on laughed as she walked with Ellie to the door. "Want me to just carry this bag down to your car for you and you focus on that one?"
"You don't have to."
Sarah gave the older woman a look, earning a snort, and she went with her anyway, walking behind Ellie as they made the three-story journey down the stairs and outside to the small lot where Ellie had parked.
Once the mother had strapped her child into the carseat, both women held their breaths. Clara blinked her eyes open, cast them between the blonde P.I. and the brunette surgeon, an almost dubious look on her little face, before her eyelids got heavy again and she fell back asleep, her little head slumping to the side against the carseat.
Ellie let out a long, relieved breath. "Thank God for that carseat. She sleeps so well in it. You know, Devon and I once had dinner in this freaking car because we didn't want to take her out of the carseat and wake her up."
"Noooo…" Sarah laughed as Ellie shut the door gently, opening her own door but waiting before she got in.
"No, seriously. It was in the early days when we were both just…utterly ragged over lack of sleep. And anytime she was actually sleeping, we never wanted to wake her up because it was such a rarity. So we took her for a drive around LA to make her fall asleep, and when we got home, Devon went in to make dinner and I stayed in the car, then he brought our plates out and we sat right here, in the front, eating our dinner in the freaking car, Sarah. Parenting is the wildest freaking thing."
Sarah cracked up.
But then Ellie surprised her, springing at her and hugging her tightly. "Sarah, whatever it is…" Oh boy… "Whatever it is, as bad as it is, I hope you know, whether you're ever ready to talk about it or not, none of this is changing. Not our friendship. And not your relationship with my brother. The Bartowskis aren't going anywhere. So you do what's right for you and we'll follow. Chuck will follow. And I will. Okay?" She squeezed Sarah harder.
It took everything in the younger woman not to cry, and instead, she just squeezed Ellie Bartowski Woodcomb back. She felt Ellie offering her comfort, giving herself to the P.I….and the P.I. decided to take it for what it was worth, just holding on. Clinging.
She nodded because she didn't think her voice was fit to respond. She should thank the other woman, but she couldn't. If she spoke, she might break, she might cry, or sob even. So she didn't. Just nodding again.
"Good." Ellie rubbed her back. And then she finally pulled out of the hug and rubbed Sarah's shoulder instead, meeting her gaze with unending reassurance and comfort. "And for God's sake, will you please take care of yourself?" Sarah nodded again, smiling weakly. "Take care of your heart. I'm telling you right now, if you don't, Chuck's gonna do what he does, and he will swoop in to do it for you, whether you want him to or not."
Sarah let out a bit of a wet chuckle, squeezing Ellie's hand on her shoulder. She felt like she was fit to speak now. "That sounds about right. Okay, I will."
Ellie left her standing on the sidewalk, waving at the retreating car. And Sarah wondered how it was possible to feel both better and worse, all at once.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
When the door to his office opened, Chuck looked up from his doodle of Superman using his laser vision to obliterate the really poorly drawn AK-47 a bad guy was holding. "Adisa! What have I told you about interrupting me when I'm doing something insanely important?"
Adisa blinked, looking admonished, surprised. "Well, since you're here," Chuck continued, waving the younger man over. "Let me get your opinion on this." The other man hurried to his side, his spine ramrod straight. Chuck turned the notepad around and showed his assistant the doodle. "The ski mask on the bank robber… too much? Too cliché?"
Rolling his eyes, Chuck's assistant slumped a bit in relief and looked like he was biting his cheek to keep from laughing, instead playing along, crossing his arms and propping his chin in his palm thoughtfully, squinting at the doodle.
"Way I see it, without the ski mask, you don't really know this dude's a bank robber. So you kind of have to pick. Either he wears a ski mask, or he has a bag with dollar signs on it over his shoulder and no ski mask. But he needs at least one of those things. Or he's just another mass shooter, and then things get really divisive and we have a whole different conversation that stems from that."
Chuck winced. "You're right. Ski mask stays."
"For the best."
"Thank you, Adisa. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have your input on these extremely sensitive matters."
They both laughed and Chuck threw his pencil at the pad of paper.
"Um, speaking of matters…" Chuck raised an eyebrow at the other man. "Your one o'clock appointment is on line one." Chuck looked at his watch and gave Adisa a flat look. "Yeah, I know. It's three-thirty. And surprise, I didn't get the feeling he's all that apologetic about it."
"He wouldn't be." Chuck rolled his eyes.
"Um, but also, I got a text from Sarah right before Van Sant called and she asked if 'the boss' was free. I told her yes, so she's probably going to walk in any minute. Sorry." He winced.
Chuck groaned. "Nnnnooooooo. God, if Tanner Van Sant wasn't going to make the one o'clock phone meeting I freaking rushed my lunch to make on time, he could at least just ditch it all the way and not call two and a half hours later. Especially not when my girlfriend is here. Adisa, make him go awayyyyy," he whined.
"Oh. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I thought you were groaning about Sarah coming here for a second."
Chuck laughed, his eyebrows shooting up into his hairline. "Adisa. Buddy. Have you met Sarah Walker? It could literally be the Rod Serling himself on the phone waiting to talk to me, and I'd pick her."
"Whoa. Rod? Boss, this sounds serious. Does Sarah know you're this serious?"
"Get outta here," Chuck laughed. And then he sobered up and looked at Adisa. "No, but really. Go home. Send Sarah in first, then go home. Please. You've worked extra hard today on that write-up and I appreciate you. Take the rest of the day off." Adisa gave him a dubious look and Chuck smirked. "Also, I might end up yelling at Tanner Bland Sant," Adisa snorted at the nickname, grinning, "and it'll be bad enough that Sarah hears me like that. I don't want you hearing me too," he said dramatically, holding a hand to his heart and tilting his head back.
Laughing, his assistant backed towards the door. "All right. I'll send her in. Don't scare her off by yelling at the Bland One, boss. She's a good."
Chuck beamed. "Yeah. I know. I'll be very careful."
"Good. See ya tomorrow, boss."
"See ya. Thanks, man."
Adisa saluted and ducked out of the office, shutting the door behind him.
Taking a deep breath, Chuck answered the phone, a repeated mantra of calm in his head as he spoke to the asshole. Or rather, was spoken down to.
He'd been talking to Van Sant for about three minutes before the office door popped open, a blond head and blue eyes peeking around the edge. Chuck looked up at her and grinned, even as he said, "Well, it isn't really about the amount of money it puts into your specific pocket, Tanner. It's about whether or not these kids can do their homework and study and get onto a path that will help them succeed in whatever they want to do in life."
Sarah stepped into the room and raised her eyebrow at him, shutting the door behind her and sauntering over to sit in the chair on the other side of his desk, leaning her elbow on said desk and propping her chin in her palm with a cute closed-mouth smile.
"And you expect to get sponsors with this kumbaya stuff how exactly?" Tanner sneered. "We're supposed to just hop onto this charity experiment with no reassurance that it'll produce gains for Van Sant Inc?"
"It isn't simply a charity experiment," he argued, waving at Sarah happily, even as he felt himself losing patience pretty quickly. He'd already had a lengthy discussion with his dad about the viability of keeping Van Sant in the loop, taking their money. They weren't criminals, they did everything by the book, but God they were just a family full of assholes, and Chuck's patience was wearing so damn thin it was practically nonexistent. They'd both agreed that maybe losing Van Sant as sponsors wouldn't be something they couldn't come back from, if it came to that. Chuck was having this conversation with an extra level of confidence now. And, because he was only human, there was the added incentive of impressing the woman sitting in front of him.
"So what is it? You're proposing we just give poor kids stuff, with no strings attached, no way to make sure we get any bang for our buck. And what about the rest of the kids? Just leave them in the dust? How am I supposed to explain that to our board?"
"You can tell them that when everyone has access to a good education, when every kid, every teenager, has the same tools they need to succeed, the rest of us benefit. An educated society is a better functioning society."
"That's garbage, Chuck. I hafta tell you."
"Well, your garbage is another man's treasure, Tanner," he said in the most saccharine voice he could muster.
Sarah's jaw fell open. Chuck caught her eye and gestured for her to come closer. He'd missed her. He didn't want her sitting three feet away. She sent him a slow, warm smile, and then she stood up and wandered around his desk, sitting on the edge of it right in front of him.
He reached up to take her hand, holding on, deriving confidence and self-worth from that alone, enough that he didn't bat an eye when Van Sant asked, "Are you talking like that to me, Bartowski? Really? After I took a big risk on B.E.C.?"
A risk? That was so God damn rich. B.E.C. was worth so much more than Van Sant Inc that it was almost laughable. Their involvement wasn't much more than a show of good faith between two large companies, a handshake between a massive corporation and a smaller one.
"These kids in these underserved communities deserve equity, Tanner," he said, biting his cheek to keep from snapping back at the guy with something smart and snippy like he wanted to.
"Oh, what, they're all gonna cure cancer or something? Come on, Chuck. We're in the real world. This isn't some sappy feel good Disney movie."
Chuck clenched his jaw, avoiding Sarah's questioning look. "I don't care if not a single one of them cure's cancer. Maybe some of them will wait tables in a restaurant in some town in the middle of the country for the rest of their lives, or some other necessary job that maybe won't save the world. I don't care if they don't end up as astrophysicists who discover life on another planet or send man to Mars. They're people. And people deserve certain necessities in life, and I believe in my soul that education is a necessity."
"Education is a privilege. These kids have it way easier than kids in, say, Africa or wherever." Chuck saw red at how ignorant and flat-out stupid that was. "But let's all sing kumbaya together, huh, Chuck?"
"Look, you don't care if a public school kid in a neighborhood in Watts, Los Angeles has access to the computer some private school kid in Manhattan in New York City has access to. I get it. That isn't important to you. It's important to me. It's important to Bartowski Electronics Corporation. And we're going to make it happen, Tanner. Whether we do it with your sponsorship or not? Well, that seems to be up in the air."
"Look, Bartowski, I'm not pouring my family's money into kids whose parents refuse to take some fuckin' responsibility. This country gives enough handouts to those kinds of people and it makes them not want to work. They're having a hard time finding people to fill jobs because they wanna sit home all day watching daytime TV and living off my taxes."
Chuck had known that Tanner Van Sant, the entire Van Sant legacy, was founded on assholery, but this was the first time he'd heard him say something this disgusting, selfish, hateful, and flat-out moronic. "Pretty interesting hearing you say they get enough handouts. Are you the same guy whose grandfather is famous for having a golden statue of himself erected in front of his eighty million dollar villa in Monte Carlo, Tanner? I seem to remember your dad gifting you a half share in Bellevue Luxury Car's ownership when you turned sixteen, too."
Sarah made a choking sound, her fingers tightening in his.
Van Sant didn't say anything. Maybe nobody had ever talked to him like this before.
"I'm not going to beg you for your money, and if you're waiting for that, you're going to be disappointed," he continued. "Because the bottom line is that I'm doing this, with or without the Van Sant Inc sponsorship. This isn't charity, it's just what needs to be done. That's how I see it. And I get we don't see eye to eye on this. So if you don't want your money going into this, say that. Plainly. And we'll cut ties. Now. Is that what you want, Van Sant?"
"You think your reputation can take a hit like this, Bartowski? You think you're up on this untouchable hill, on your pedestal built on morality and…what was it again? Equity? But the higher you are, the more it's gonna hurt when you fall and hit rock bottom. That's my warning."
"I, uh, didn't catch your answer on whether we're calling it quits or not, there, Tanner. All I heard was some diatribe that potentially sounded like a threat?" He widened his eyes. "But I know it wasn't actually a threat, because I know you'd never do that and risk my telling our peers how you do business. I get chatty at someone like Mel Dandridge, or, ooooo maybe even Lena Quinn, let the content of this convo slip, and kablam, that's one whole leg of your enterprise cleaned right out."
"You wouldn't…"
"You make a threat, I make a threat." Chuck swung his gaze up to Sarah finally. She was watching him quietly, one eyebrow raised, but the rest of her features unreadable. He wasn't getting pushed around by this bastard anymore. If he'd heard Tanner Van Sant talk like this before, he would've cut ties immediately. His dad was going to be so pissed when he told him, and he'd be equally glad they got rid of this trash family.
"Always playing like you're a nice guy, Bartowski. Know what that is? A load of bull."
"Well, you're always playing like you can get into the Echelon's VIP parties, and yet I still see you on the outside of the velvet red ropes every time I walk past those long lines to get inside. So what is the truth?"
Sarah winced and let air out through pursed lips, mouthing, Daaaaaammmmnnnn.
The sound of a click was Chuck's only indication that the business ties between Bartowski Electronics Corporation and Van Sant Inc had officially been cut. He whistled low and set his cell phone down on his desk.
"I think that went really well," he drawled sarcastically.
"Who the hell was that?"
"Ever hear of Van Sant Incorporated?"
"No."
"Exactly," he snickered. She gave him a look and he used his grip on her hand to gently pull her to him. She stepped in close and he buried his face against her midsection, nuzzling the soft cotton blouse she wore under the dark grey sweater. She was in jeans, too. Which confirmed for him that Sarah had actually taken today off instead of just saying she would.
Her hand fell to his curls, stroking her fingers through them, and he grumbled happily, wrapping his arms around her waist and hugging her tight. "You okay? What was that?"
"One of the corporate sponsors. Well… he was. Think I've officially made him an ex-sponsor now. A total dickhead." He shifted his head so that his chin pressed against her abs and he looked up into her face as she continued to stroke her fingers through his hair. "Privileged beyond all belief. Super old money that they'd rather die to hang onto if it means it doesn't get into the pockets of the wrong people," he said, rolling his eyes.
"Hm. I take it from what I heard of that phone call that he considers the 'wrong people' to be kids living below the poverty line?"
"Ding ding ding!" He rolled his eyes again, then smiled a little at her. "You're good at gleaning context from almost nothing."
"I am a detective." His eyelids fluttered happily as her fingers smoothly shifted to stroke along the rim of his ear, and then she sort of massaged it, and God, that felt stupidly good. Wow.
"Mmmm, I knoooow," he drawled, smiling dreamily up at her.
She giggled. "I'll ask again. You okay?"
"Oh, you mean that call? I'm okay. I'm angry, I won't lie to you." He moved to press his cheek to her stomach again and he hugged her tight with one arm around the small of her back, playing with one of the buttons of her sweater with his free hand. "When you have that much money and you refuse to sponsor something that won't see your pockets getting fatter, you're a piece of shit. And I knew he was a jerk, condescending and belittling and entitled…but I don't think we ever would have approached V.S.I. if we knew they were as bad as what he said to me over the phone. He said to me these kids' parents need to take responsibility, that it's their job not ours, and that they already get enough handouts from the government. Which is rich since his relatives came from Dutch royalty back in, like, the seventeenth century. Nobody in his family has ever had to actually earn what they have. They never had to work for it. It's just there, always, for every single generation. But God forbid someone without that inherent leg up gets some help from someone with it."
"Is your dad gonna back you up about losing this sponsor?"
"It was a lot of money we were kind of relying on, and they didn't mind sponsoring the other initiatives B.E.C. has been working on. It was just this particular initiative they seemed to struggle with. So technically I'm the one who caused them to back out. The convention and what I'm planning to spring off of its success. That was where they drew the line." He huffed in bitter amusement. "They're trash. I think my dad's gonna have my back, especially when I tell him the shit that guy said."
"I bet they turn around and advertise a bunch of, quote, charity, unquote, they're doing to help the greater LA community."
"Oh, one hundred percent. We gave money to this dog shelterrrrrr…" He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and when it's mostly kids of color in low income neighborhoods who need the same tools rich kids get to succeed in school and find their way in life, fuck no. They already get enough handouts from the government. They're abusing the system. Blah blah blah. Privileged asshole."
Sarah paused for a moment, then she said quietly, "Hey, I saw Adisa packing up his stuff and he told me to have a good night. Did you dismiss him for the day?" He nodded, nuzzling her stomach again. "Good. Then I can do this."
And just like that, she moved to straddle him in his chair, sitting in his lap, rounding his shoulders with her arms, and hugging him tightly, burying her face in his hair and sighing. Chuck snapped out of his surprise and hugged her back, squeezing with everything in him and pressing his face to her neck, kissing her there.
"I've never met a better person than you, Chuck Bartowski. Ever."
He grinned, his teeth grazing her skin. He thought he felt her shiver. "Oh it's an act, Sarah. That's what Tanner Van Sant told me. I'm just playing like I'm a nice guy."
"Oh God," she groused. "He wouldn't know an actual nice guy if he punched him in the face."
"I'd like to."
"You wouldn't. 'Cause you're a nice guy." That made him chuckle. Her thighs squeezed him between them then and she pulled her face back, her arms loosely draped over his shoulders, one hand playing idly with his curls as she looked into his eyes. "There is no one I trust more than you. You know that, right?" He nodded. She shifted her hand that wasn't playing with his curls to gently cup his face, her thumb stroking his cheek. She gave him a long look and he just let her, rubbing her back, his hand having snuck under the sweater she wore.
Sarah sighed and finally spoke again. "I trust you more than I ever thought was possible." And she leaned her face in close, their noses brushing, lips mere centimeters away from touching. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. "And if there's stuff I don't tell you, it isn't because I don't trust you with it. You're the only one I would trust with it. It's only because it's…too hard for me to face again right now. And I need you to believe that, because it's the truth."
Oh. Was that why she was here?
And then he remembered the text he got from Ellie earlier, asking if he knew if Sarah was home or not because she wanted to bring Clara by for a quick visit if so. He said he thought Sarah had taken the day off and should be home, and now he was wondering if a chat with Ellie had prompted Sarah to come straight to his office in the middle of his workday.
If only he could be a fly on the wall during that conversation…
"Saying it out loud will open up a door I don't think I'll be able to close again, and that's terrifying. So that's why. I know it's the wrong way to be, but…"
He gripped onto her waist tightly and looked up into her eyes. "I don't care about whether it's the wrong thing or whatever. I mean, anyway, who says? But…what I want to know is what you need from me right now. Whatever you need, I wanna be that for you."
"For now," she breathed, stroking his jaw under the gentlest of fingertips. "For now I think I just need you to be patient with me. I know. I know I've asked for that so often in this relationship."
"I've asked for it, too. And sometimes I don't even have to ask. You just automatically give it to me. So yes. You have mine. Absolutely." For the rest of his life. But that seemed too intense to say out loud so he bit his lip to keep it inside.
She smiled, even as she seemed a little upset underneath. It was probably the existence of whatever it was she wasn't able to convey to him yet. He pushed his own need to know what that was to the side and stroked his hand from her hip to her waist, higher than that even, and back down again. Then he hugged her close, cradling her with one arm around her and the other hand cupping the back of her head.
"I wish I knew how to comfort you in the meantime. I wish I could take this hurt away," he admitted quietly, turning his face into her hair and kissing her.
"You do. Every day. In so many ways." She kissed the rim of his ear, then sighed. "But this is going to be something I carry with me forever. In spite of everything. No matter what anyone does."
He nodded. He got that. He found he could even empathize, and he held her tighter. "Well, then. All I can do is be here." She pulled her face back to look into his eyes, and she moved her hands to cup his face. "Always," he added. "No matter what."
There was a flash of something in her eyes then, and she climbed up from his lap. He made a pitiful little sound of regret that made her grin at him in amusement, and she went around his desk to his door. He nearly asked her where she was going, but when she got to the door, she flicked the lock in place, and slowly turned back to him.
Oh.
He smiled at her. "Really?" he teased.
"Really," she said back, smirking, her voice dripping from her lips like honey. As she made her way back to him, one painstaking step at a time, Chuck felt the adrenaline mounting in him, making him squirm in his chair. "Don't act like you didn't send Adisa home early for this exact purpose."
Chuck shook his head. "I didn't. He worked hard today and I felt like he'd earned it."
"Uh huh."
"It's true."
"Sure it is."
She half fell back into his lap, mischief playing in her beautiful features as he grabbed her and tugged her in tight, beaming up at her as she giggled. "It's just that I thought of another thing that I might need from you."
"Sarah Walker, you take it," he rushed out breathlessly, shaking his head.
Sarah threw her head back with a laugh. "I love you so much."
"Oh, I love you too," he drawled back, pulling her in for a ravenous kiss.
On the same page, they grappled at one another's barriers—at belts, buttons, and zippers—until the barriers weren't barriers anymore. Passions mounted slowly and deliciously. Sarah pressed her forehead to his, clinging to him, and he clung back, knowing with everything in him that he would wait for her for a whole lifetime. Whatever it took.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
A/N: These two.
Please review. Thanks!
-SC