Prologue
Déjà vu: A feeling that the situation I'm in has happened before. That this isn't the first time I've been here. It was a rough paraphrase of a definition, but it fit perfectly.
Just like this suit.
I should have felt so many other things. Fear that everyone I knew, good and bad, hated me more than ever before. Anger that I had been duped by my worst nightmare… again.
In a sick way, I could have even felt so jubilant that the decision to return to this life was no longer mine to make. Because there's really no right answer to leading life fake and happy or real and pitiful.
Finally, of course, there was regret. I should have been drowning in it. Regret that I was, once again, trying to kill the five best things that ever happened to me. Regret that I'm listening to this madman whisper his poison in my ear, courtesy of the earpiece that makes me want to burst my own eardrums.
Why does he even bother -Wait, I forgot something. Oh right.
Exasperation. That's what I'm feeling.
Yep. You heard that right. Above all else, the feeling I have is the one that this is getting old. But I haven't even introduced myself yet.
Hi. My name is Terra. Real name Tara Markov. And as anyone who knows me will tell you, I have done some terrible things.
Oh. And those regrets I mentioned? As one of those old timers would say, I've had a few. But unlike baby blue eyes, I have plenty of them to mention.
And I haven't done much my way.
Let's see. What's the first thing I remember after taking one for the team? Right. Stumbling out of that cave and finding that everybody else around me was a statue.
Ok. Not the weirdest thing I've seen. But still, what happened?
Then I saw him. Or at least, I saw it. Red, four eyed, and so big there was a crater from where it used Titans Tower as a throne.
And guess who else was there? My old friends, the Teen Titans. Leading the charge was Raven, who apparently is the daughter of the giant demon. Shocking. But what would you know, except who else was there?
Him
The man who made my life as close to hell as the world around us now looked. The man that I know for a fact I personally sent to hell.
And now he's back when a giant demon is attacking the Earth.
Looking back, I realize that couldn't be a coincidence.
I didn't know whether to laugh in bitter anger or cry in abject terror. So, I did both, looking for all the world like a psychopath. Tears streamed down my face as I cackled insanely. I can only imagine what it looked like. And how the others didn't notice is something I can't answer. Then again, they seemed pretty intent on the menace in front of them.
Makes sense.
After recovering from my little episode, I then realized this was a chance. I then proceeded to do what I do best in the face of danger.
I ran.
I ran harder than I ever had before. And considering that I was once on the receiving end of five vengeful Titans, I think that says something.
I wound up back in the cave that became my tomb – for two years I later discovered – to grab anything not consumed by the lava. It was surprising how much was left. Then, I did one of the most physically painful things I'd ever done. I took the suit off.
Actually, that doesn't quite describe the process. After trying to rip it off with my hands, I tried to sever my skin from it with a sharpened stalagmite. A lot of pain and no gain.
Afraid I'd be trapped in it for good, I then tried to end it all. But my aim was off, fortunately or unfortunately (I can't decide which). Instead of driving the rock through my skull, it struck me in the chest. Not going through, though. It hit me right in the disc.
I've been tasered before. My lack of control had gotten me in plenty of trouble with the law. It was a love tap compared to what happened next.
My entire body felt like it was about to fry. For a brief moment, I wondered if he felt like this when the lava touched. You know, before it disintegrated him. I also remember thinking that I'd gotten my wish. That I was about to die.
And then it stopped. And the suit came off.
This is part of the reason I bothered even coming back. Changing into some "civilian" clothes, as he called them, I ran back out. I'm guessing they won, seeing as how there were no more statues and the sky was pretty again. Thankfully, everyone had gone home, so there was no one to notice me running out of a dark cavern.
Everything Old Is New Again
It was hard to keep my story straight.
Not that I minded lying at this point, even if I should have. After everything I've been through, though, what's a few more lies worth?
No. That wasn't the problem. The problem was keeping those lies straight. Before, I had one of two things to help. I kept my stories simple, or I had a master manipulator drill the "facts" into my head. Surprisingly, that statement isn't literal.
Eventually, though, I managed to convince the hospital staff that I was an orphan girl who had lost her parents due to traumatic circumstances. That part was the hardest. How does one fake amnesia to qualified shrinks?
I guess it helped that everyone had a little memory gap after what happened with Trigon. Yeah, I figured out his name thanks to my irate master right before he threw me to the wolves once again. But I digress.
Once again, I was surprised at not only how quickly I was placed in a foster home, but how little time it took for them to adopt me. They even gave me a new name.
Ashley Johnson
Eventually, after testing my knowledge, they determined that I had the book smarts of a fifth grader. But my new family was nothing if not academically inclined. With a little homeschooling, I was able to "graduate" from eighth grade.
It sounds unlikely, I know. But after fighting off five pissed teenage superheroes and killing a man who ran them around in circles, I found that hitting the books was child's play by comparison. The irony of the situation was not lost to me.
Fast forward to August, and I'm off to Murakami High School, the premier for private high schools out of all three in Jump City. And let me tell you, I almost wanted to wear his gear again after I saw my uniform. Almost.
That aside, though, I found myself enjoying my new life. My parents were nice, if a little strict. I made a few friends at school, too. Shame. I can't remember any of their names at this point.
Oh well.
What I can remember is my old crush practically falling on the school premises after being launched from God only knows what.
That's where the problems started.
Seven Sins
I should have known that someone would find me. And who else but my knight in shining armor that I gave the most shit to?
Getting rid of him was hard. I humored him, had to resist throttling him when he threw mud in my face, and finally I had to just break his heart all over again by telling him those blasted words.
Things change, I said. Fat load of bullshit that was. For once, I was trying to be honest. Things do change. But obviously I hadn't. I just wanted him gone, for both our sakes. He was the first to try and lure me back in. He would not be the last.
Because Heaven forbid I be happy for once!
The others came by the school, each one trying to guilt trip me into rejoining them. I kept my story straight and my face full of as much sorrow as I could stomach.
Starfire came packing with her innocence. Not going to lie. Second to Beast Boy, she was the hardest to get rid of.
Then Cyborg came around. He didn't say much. Just gave me a Titans communicator and told me to face the music or something like that.
Robin even tried the same thing as when we fought way back when. Told me he could relate to the guilt.
Even Raven came around. It didn't surprise me that she came last. What surprised me was that she came at all. We hated each other's guts. If there was one of them I actually wished I killed, she would be the one. She told me I was being a coward. I told her to fuck off.
Well. No, I didn't. I valued my new life (and life in general) more than that.
Those were the first five sins. One after another. Pretty quick too. Don't ask me what sin they are. I couldn't tell you that.
Then came the sixth sin. It wasn't a surprise. Notice the pattern there?
He came rearing his ugly, one eyed head in again. Did it while they were gone, too. Something about Tokyo and giant ink monsters.
By the time they came back, I had been beaten to within an inch of my life.
Repeatedly.
Oh he was mad all right. I honestly wish he had just killed me. But just to spite me some more, he healed me up good as new so that the torture could begin anew. At least I learned how to defend myself from the average street thug. Or even a top level MMA fighter.
After my expert beating – I mean reintegration – I was put in the new and improved neural suit. It even came with a few new gadgets. Not only was my body no longer mine, but my thoughts were being warped too. Because apparently, he couldn't be bothered to wipe it clean and start fresh.
That wasn't it by a long shot. The truth is, what good was left in me had to be corrupted nice and slow. But of course, I had the "choice" of not putting it on. Yeah. Because I would love to see what he saw after he went into that lava.
No thanks. I will avoid that for as long as I can. Don't count on me trying to change it, though. That would require faith. And I have no fucks to give for any higher being that would allow a world where I have to share the same air as my oh so beloved, old but new master.
But once again my thoughts have strayed. I was just about to tell you about the final sin. Because I've encountered six, right? Well who has the luck of being number seven?
Why, me of course.
But I can get to that later.
If I can get out of this alive.