Chapter 8: Comfort
That night, I was incredibly reluctant to leave the sanctity of Paul's apartment. After what had happened earlier in the forest, I felt like I couldn't be trusted to be by myself. My confidence in my self control had pretty much disintegrated. I couldn't get the image of the man's injured leg out of my head and I could still smell the lingering scent of his blood clinging to Paul.
I was sitting on the couch by myself, hugging my knees to my chest while Paul prepared himself something to eat. He'd done a phenomenal job of distracting me from thinking about the man in the forest. He'd done his best to make me laugh, bringing back the lightheartedness from before we'd found the injured man.
Paul came back to the couch with a sandwich and began to eat it. "What happens to you if you eat food?"
"I have to cough it back up," I said. "My body can't digest it."
"I don't know if I'd be able to handle that," he said.
I smiled. "I can still remember the taste of my mother's cooking. I miss it."
"Are you feeling better about what happened today?" he asked gently.
"A bit," I said. "Spending time with you has helped a lot."
"I'm glad to hear that," he said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to my cheek. He finished his sandwich and then wrapped his arms around me again. He gently ran his fingers along my arm until he reached the gold ring with sapphire stones that I never took off. "Do you always wear this?"
"Yeah, I never take it off."
"Where'd you get it?"
"It was my mother's," I explained. "When I was little, I used to take it from her jewelry box and wear it on my thumb. She'd always get so angry with me because she thought I'd lose it."
"What made her decide to give it to you?"
"Technically she didn't," I admitted quietly. "When I was turned, the easiest thing to do was hide from my parents; to become an unsolved missing persons case. After a while, they assumed that I'd been killed so for some closure, they purchased a cemetery plot and buried an empty coffin. Instead of my body being put into it, they put some of my belongings into it and she put the ring in it."
"How did you find out that she did that?" he asked.
"The first time I returned to Boston after I was turned, I snuck into the house when no one was home," I explained. "I wanted to take the ring—to have one solid memory of my life before I was turned. I searched the entire house and it wasn't there…which led me to the cemetery."
"You dug up your own grave?" he asked.
"Someone did it for me," I said. "I was just going to drop it when I figured out where it must have been, but he saw how much it meant to me. He'd told me that he was just going out to hunt but then he came back to our hotel room with it."
"He?" Paul asked. I could tell from his tone that he wasn't upset or anything—he was purely curious.
"My ex-boyfriend, Will," I said. "He helped me get through something that I never thought I would. We travelled together for a few decades until…"
"Until?"
"I left him," I said, guilt stabbing at me. "He needed me to help him through something in the same way that I'd needed him, and I couldn't get past my anger with him about what had happened, so I left him. I haven't spoken to him since the day I left and I'll always feel guilty about it."
He was quiet as he thought about what I'd said. I was sure that his mind was whirling, wondering what exactly the situation was that had caused me to leave Will, but I was relieved when he didn't pry for more information.
"I'm sure you had your reasons for leaving," he said gently. "And I'm sure those reasons were completely valid."
"I don't think I'd even say they were completely valid," I mumbled. "Eventually, I'll have to face the music and speak to him again. I can't hide from it forever."
"Are you still angry about what happened?"
"No," I admitted. Especially not after what had happened in the forest earlier. "It was a long time ago and I can't hold onto that anger forever. Especially since it was a mistake and not anything malicious on his part. He's called me a few times over the years but I've never been able to bring myself to answer the call." I paused for a few moments. "I promise one day I'll tell you what happened, I just…I don't think I can right now."
"That's completely understandable," he said. "We all have stories about our exes that we would rather avoid talking about."
"Are one of your exes going to come and bang down the door demanding to know why you left them?" I asked, grateful to get off the subject of Will.
He laughed. "No, nothing like that. I was dating a girl, Rachel, for a while. Her brother is a member of the pack so she knows all about the wolves and imprinting. For a long time, we both thought I'd imprinted on her. It took me a couple years to realize that I hadn't and when I told her that, we kinda got into it and she ended it with me. She said that if I hadn't imprinted on her, then I was surely going to imprint on somebody else and that it'd just be worse for the both of us the longer we stayed together.
"I didn't think she was right—she seemed to forget just how rare imprints can be," he continued. "They don't happen for everyone, so I just assumed that I was one of the many wolves that it doesn't happen for. Turns out, I was wrong."
I pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm glad to hear that."
"Let's stop talking about our exes," he suggested, turning my face towards his and kissing me deeply, gently pulling my hair out of the tight ponytail I'd tied it into and knotting his hands in my hair. I shifted so I was basically straddling his waist as our mouths moved together and my hands roamed his body, tracing the defined muscles of his arms and chest.
His hands moved from my hair down to my legs, sliding beneath my thighs and lifting me off the couch as he stood, never breaking contact with my lips. He carried me into his bedroom and fell into bed with me.
Our bodies were perfectly aligned and he broke away from my mouth to kiss my neck as he reached downwards and pulled my sweater off over my head. I stiffened slightly, the injured man and Will's faces surging through my mind, and Paul broke away from my neck immediately, meeting my eyes hesitantly.
"What's wrong?"
"I…I could hurt you," I whispered, thinking that I would inevitably hurt him both physically and emotionally.
I felt like I was broken beyond repair—my solution for any sort of conflict was always to run away. What if he and I got into a minor argument and I couldn't handle it? I'd just bolt like I always did.
And of course, there was the issue of my inhuman strength. I knew he was stronger than any human, but how strong would he be if he was in such a vulnerable state? If he let his guard down for one instant it could be the end of his life if I lost control with him.
He deserved better than that. He deserved better than me.
"What are you talking about?" he asked, brushing a piece of hair away from my face and caressing my cheek. "You're not going to hurt me."
"I almost killed somebody today, Paul," I whispered. "I'm dangerous. I…I'm not good for you."
"You are exactly who I want you to be," he assured me, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. He rolled over so he was lying on his side but still facing me and I stayed on my back, staring up at the ceiling. He was quiet, tracing circles along my bare arm, giving me the time to clear my head.
How did he know exactly what I needed without me having to tell him?
"I'm sorry I'm acting like this," I said quietly. "Today just ended up being a lot harder than I expected it to be."
"I know," he said gently. "I shouldn't have—"
"You did absolutely nothing wrong," I said tightly. "You gave me one of the best days of my existence and then I had to go and tarnish the memory."
A smile quirked at his lips. "Decades on this planet and that was all it took to make it one of your best days?"
"I think the company had something to do with it."
He chuckled. "I'm glad. Will you stay with me tonight?"
"Are you sure you want me to?"
"I will always want you here," he assured me.
"I don't think I deserve that," I mumbled.
"You absolutely do," he said, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. "I'll be right back."
He got off the bed and exited the bedroom, disappearing down the hall and heading to the washroom. I heard him the shower turn on and I took a deep breath.
What was going on with me?
Over the years, I'd had multiple close calls with my self control, but it had never been that close, nor had it happened in front of someone who I cared for so deeply. He had no way of knowing just how close I was to losing control, yet Paul had helped me through it in the exact way that I'd needed him to.
He returned to the bedroom and flashed a quick smile at me before getting back into the bed, the fresh scent of his body wash completely removing the lingering scent of the injured man's blood. I curled up next to him and rested my head against his shoulder, craving his touch. He held me close to him and I listened to his strong heartbeat thudding in his chest. We stayed curled in bed together and as he fell asleep, I found myself thinking about the first time I'd met Will—talking about him with Paul had made me relive memories I hadn't thought about for years.
I tore through the streets of Volterra, desperately trying to escape the city. The Volturi had finally let me go and I was trying to stop myself from panicking as I searched for a way out. It was an overcast day, yet the streets were completely packed with people.
All I could smell was blood.
I could hear every single heartbeat in the crowd, I could see blood pulsing through each of their veins inviting me to drink from them, and most of all: I could smell every human's blood in the city.
Despite not having fed for months, finally being outside after months of being trapped in the dungeon of the fortress, it felt like my senses were heightened.
I kept running, trying to ignore the temptation of the humans all around me.
I burst through a group of people and came face to face with a small child who had fallen and scraped her knee. I watched as a bead of blood oozed out of her cut and I felt almost hypnotized by it. I took a step forward, but was snapped out of my reverie by the child's father as he stood between us.
"Spiacente," I muttered, apologizing in the very limited Italian I knew. I took off in the other direction, desperate for a way out of the city.
Frustrated, I stopped running and took a deep breath. I needed to focus. Trying to find my way out in such a panicked state would do absolutely no good. I took a deep breath, trying to block out the scent of human blood and the feeling of venom pooling in my mouth.
North. That was where I had to go. I could smell the lush greenery of a foresty area and the woodiness of tree trunks. I took off in that direction, completely letting my sense of smell take over. The burning in my throat was becoming unbearable and it had only been amplified being around so many humans.
As I tore through the forest, I took down an entire herd of deer and drained them all of their blood.
The burning in my throat subsided immediately and I sat down on the ground, holding my head in my hands. I had no idea how to process what had happened to me—I didn't even know how long the Volturi had held me captive and I didn't know what to do next.
Where could I go? How would I ever know if I was safe again?
I sat on the ground in the forest until it got dark and then I pulled myself off the ground and began to walk again. I wandered aimlessly through the woods until I reached the base of a rather large mountain.
Part of me was tempted to climb it—perhaps that would draw some life into me again. That idea didn't last very long as my eyes fell upon a small cave right at the bottom of the mountain. In a daze, I wandered inside and did a quick once-over to ensure that no one was there. There was a small area to build a fire and three large wooden logs gathered around the fire pit. In the very back of the cave was what looked like a makeshift sleeping area; another large log with some frayed blankets tucked behind it. It seemed as though the cave had been abandoned for a long time and for that I was grateful.
I slipped behind the log, completely concealed, and lay down on top of the blankets.
I stayed in the cave by myself for weeks, emerging every few days to hunt before retreating to my makeshift bed.
One day in early October, a few hours after I'd returned from a hunting trip, I heard two male voices at the mouth of the cave. I tensed, hoping that it was just some humans who were passing by and hoping that it wasn't a member of the Volturi who had tracked me down.
"We can stop here," one of the voices said.
"Here?" asked the other voice.
"Yeah, why not?" asked the first voice.
I peeked over the log to watch, staying as hidden as I could. The man who the first voice belonged to had dark brown hair, high cheekbones, and a strong jawline, while his friend had blond hair and softer, kinder features somehow. Even from where I was hiding, I could see that their eyes were ruby red.
I froze, my limbs locking into place—had the Volturi sent them after me?
"I'll start a fire," the dark haired vampire said.
"Why? You cold?" the blond asked, teasing lilt to his voice.
"Very funny, Elliot," the dark haired one said dryly before taking a seat on one of the logs near the fire pit, putting his duffel bag down and getting started on the fire. The blond one, Elliot, joined him on the other side of the fire pit.
Soon enough, their faces were illuminated by the fire and Elliot pulled a map out of his bag, studying it intently, while the dark haired one kept poking at the fire.
If I was fast enough, I could probably make a run for it and they wouldn't even notice me, but something kept me planted where I was. My eyes were fixated on the dark haired vampire and I couldn't tear my gaze away.
He must have felt my eyes on him because he turned and looked directly at me. He stiffened and Elliot noticed.
"What…?" he asked, eyes following the dark haired vampire's gaze. The urge to run nearly took over but something held me in place.
The dark haired vampire rose from his log and slowly approached me. He perched himself on the log that I was hiding behind and extended his hand to me. "I'm William, what's your name?"
I looked at him with wide eyes for a few moments before saying, "Natalie."
I remembered the way Aro had purred my given name, Natalia, and it sent chills through my entire body—I couldn't even bear to say my true name because of how menacingly he'd said it.
"Well, Natalie, what are you doing in here all by yourself?" he asked gently, withdrawing his hand as I hadn't shaken it. I hesitated and he noticed. "You don't need to tell me if you don't want to. Why don't you come join us?"
"Join you?" I whispered.
He glanced back at Elliot. "Yes, by the fire."
All of my instincts were screaming at me to get away from the cave, telling me not to trust him, but there was something deep down that told me I would be okay if I sat with the two of them by the fire.
"Okay," I whispered.
He extended his hand to me again and this time, I took it. I allowed him to lead me to the logs by the fire.
I had no idea what was to come, but somehow I knew that with William by my side, I could get through anything.