Chapter 9: Family

Laying in bed next to Paul and listening to his strong heartbeat was nice. I watched through the crack in his curtains as the sun rose, illuminating a sliver of his bedroom with warm morning light.

He stirred in his sleep and he shifted slightly, drawing me even closer to him.

All through the night I'd been lost in the memories of my time with Will. I'd thought back to all of the places that we'd traveled to and how he'd aided me in the search for the vampire who had turned me without question.

I'd had to stop reliving the memories once I'd hit the point of our time together when he'd convinced me to try human blood for the first time. If I thought about that for too long, I'd likely spiral and lose control again.

I closed my eyes, listening to Paul's heart thudding in his chest and his blood pulsing through his veins, and wondered what would happen if I were to drink from him. I assumed that it would make me ill but I couldn't be sure.

I inhaled deeply, trying to get a whiff of the scent of his blood. It was strange—before now I hadn't even noticed how good his blood smelled to me through our time together. The scent that clung to Paul was like a warm and spicy cologne. As much as I enjoyed the scent of his blood, it didn't cause my throat to burn at all.

I'd never experienced that before.

Usually, the smell of blood sent my throat into a fiery frenzy, but Paul's made me feel completely at ease.

"You look like you're doing some pretty deep thinking this early in the morning," Paul murmured. I looked up at him, seeing drowsiness clouded deep in his eyes as he slowly began to wake up. I was more than a little jealous of how well rested he seemed—I missed sleeping.

"I was trying to figure out why your blood doesn't make me thirsty," I explained.

He scoffed, feigning offence. "Do I smell bad to you?"

I snuggled closer to him. "Quite the opposite, actually. But I am glad that your blood doesn't make me thirsty. It makes it a lot easier."

"Usually the scent of vampires makes our noses burn," he said. "I'm glad that isn't the case with you."

"I am too," I said, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "How did you sleep?"

"I haven't felt this well rested in a long time," he said.

"Well, that's what happens when you're out running through the woods all night," I teased. "What are you doing today?"

"I'm not sure," he said, stretching his arms above his head. "I didn't have any plans or anything, did you?"

I shook my head. "I have no idea what there even is to do around here other than going on hikes."

His laughter shook his body. "Honestly, there isn't much to do here other than that. You'll get bored pretty quickly."

"I don't think that'd be possible if I'm with you," I said. "Thank you, by the way."

"For what?"

"Yesterday," I said. "You…you took care of me in a way that I hadn't expected. You were very understanding through it all and I appreciate that."

"It's what I'm here for," he said. "How are you feeling about what happened?"

"Better," I said. "I've been trying not to think about it through the night." I was quiet for a few moments and entwined my fingers with his. "It feels like my confidence in my self control has just completely disintegrated. I don't know if I can trust myself to be around humans anytime soon."

"Well, luckily I'm here to believe in you when you don't believe in yourself," he said.

"I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough," I said. "It just threw me off to have it affect me as much as it did."

"It can't be easy," he said gently. "I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to get through it."

"I never imagined how difficult it would be," I said. "I'd never had much trouble before I actually tried human blood, but then it was like a switch flipped inside me."

"What made you decide to try it?"

"I was curious," I said. "I never imagined it'd get as out of hand as it did."

"Was it Will who convinced you?"

I nodded tightly. "He suggested it because he wanted to switch to drinking animal blood instead of human and wanted my first time to be our last. Neither of us anticipated that I wouldn't want to stop after that first taste…and then I convinced him not to stop. I'll always regret agreeing to try it but I can't blame him for it getting out of hand."

"The important thing is that you did stop," he said.

"I guess you're right," I mumbled. I shook my head, trying to clear it. "Let's stop talking about it."

"Whatever you need," he promised, squeezing my hand. "I would love a coffee, though. I'll be right back."

He got out of bed and left the bedroom to go and prepare his coffee. I stayed curled under the covers of his bed, wrapping them tighter around myself and breathing in Paul's scent that lingered on the blankets.

I was incredibly relieved that he wasn't treating me any differently after the ugly scene in the forest yesterday. He still cared for me even after I'd nearly lost control right in front of him.

The rich smell of coffee soon filled the apartment and for a moment, I felt human again. Something about Paul preparing his morning coffee felt so normal that I was able to forget about my supernatural problems, at least for a little bit.

Spending the night in Paul's apartment had completely calmed me down—it felt like the apartment was a little safe haven where I was cut off from the rest of the world.

I got out of Paul's bed and went into the kitchen. He stood at the counter with his back to me and I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder blade. I didn't want to be away from him—I felt like I needed to maintain a constant physical connection with him.

He turned and wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I knew that our time together was coming to a close for the day.

"I should probably get back to the Cullens' place."

His hold immediately tightened on me. "But I don't want to let go of you."

"Trust me, I don't want to leave," I said. "But I should probably change my clothes and spend at least a little time with them since I plan on living on there."

"You could always just live here," he said, teasing lilt to his voice.

"I don't think Jared would appreciate that very much," I said.

"He'd get used to it."

The coffee machine beeped, signalling that his coffee was ready. "Enjoy your coffee, I'll see you later, okay?"

He kissed me once more before I detached myself from him, a rush of cold air shooting through me at the loss of connection with him. Before I could change my mind, I slipped my shoes on and left Paul and Jared's apartment.

I walked through the streets of La Push and back into Forks. It was drizzling rain and the air was cool as I walked. I was relieved that the streets were empty, still unsure of how well I'd manage around humans.

Paul had made me feel better about the whole situation but now that I was on my own, I felt anxiety creeping up my spine. I hadn't wanted to leave Paul's apartment for two reasons—one was that I just didn't want to be away from him, but the other was that I felt more in control and sure of myself when I was with him.

I shook my head at myself—I needed to get over this self-doubt.

I'd had fifteen years of near perfect self control—yesterday had just been a rough patch that I needed to get over. The most important thing to remember was that I had stayed in control rather than how close I'd been to snapping.

All too soon, I arrived back at the massive house on the river.

Immediately, I felt slightly out of place. Paul's apartment had been like a sanctuary where I'd felt like I'd been at home. The Cullens' house was beautiful and rivalled even the most luxurious places I'd stayed before, but I'd always been more comfortable in tiny, simple apartments.

I went into the house, saying hello to Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett, who were seated on the couch in the living room, watching a baseball game. I went up to my bedroom and got changed out of my clothes from yesterday and into another pair of jeans and a dark purple, long sleeved shirt.

I began to unpack my duffel bag and was about to put my clothes away in the closet, but when I opened the door and saw that it was already filled with articles of clothing.

"It's all for you," Alice said, appearing at my doorway. "I went shopping."

"Oh, you didn't have to do that," I objected.

"Trust me, it's the least I could do," Alice said with a smile. "I left some extra room for what you already had."

"Thank you," I said, beginning to hang up the clothing that I'd brought with me.

"How were the past couple days?" she asked, entering my room and perching on the edge of my bed.

"Really good," I said, keeping my back to her. "It was great spending time with Paul."

"Did something…happen?" Alice asked gently. I turned and looked at her with wide eyes—she knew? "I'm not trying to pry, I promise, but I just want to make sure that you're okay. I kept getting flashes of you coming back here and freaking out, packing up your things and leaving. I couldn't understand what would've caused that to happen because the flashes were so quick."

I took a deep breath. "I had a…a close call in the forest with Paul yesterday. We'd gone on a hike and on our way back to his car, there was a man on the ground with a broken leg calling out for help. Paul was amazing, of course—helping him as much as he could. But I…I nearly shoved Paul out of the way and drained the man."

"What made you stop?" she asked.

"Paul."

"What do you mean?"

"He asked me to help him and it sort-of made me clear my head a bit," I explained. "I completely froze and locked my muscles into place so I wouldn't attack like I'd initially wanted to."

"How did Paul handle it?" she asked.

"Honestly, he was amazing through it," I said. "He handed me his car keys and I waited there for him while he continued to tend to the man and wait for paramedics to come. Then, once we actually did talk about, he was more understanding than I deserved. He made me feel a lot better about it."

"The important thing to remember is that you didn't drink from the man," Alice said gently.

"Yeah, I'm trying to remember that when I start thinking about it," I said. "I haven't had a close call like that in years—it threw me off when it happened."

"We've all had our fair share of close calls," Alice said. "If you ever need our support with it, don't hesitate to reach out."

"I really appreciate that." I was quiet for a few moments. "I expected Paul to completely freak out about it, but it felt like he knew exactly what to say and do to make me feel better. If he was freaking out, he did a phenomenal job of hiding it from me."

"I'm not going to lie," Alice began. "I'm a little surprised he reacted the way he did, too. You know the wolves don't have the best relationship with us—I'd half expected you to say that he was upset about it."

"As far as I could tell, he wasn't upset at all," I said with a shrug. "I guess dating a vampire makes you realize that you're going to have to deal with a lot of close calls like that."

"And how are you feeling about it?" she asked.

"Earlier I felt like I couldn't be trusted to be near humans without having Paul with me," I said. "But I'm feeling better about it now. I've had fifteen years of near perfect self control, this was just a situation where any of us would've probably reacted the same way. Except maybe Carlisle."

Alice chuckled. "He was probably the one who treated the man's injury."

"I don't know how he does it," I said.

"Trust me, none of us do," she said with a laugh.

I spent the rest of the day going through the clothing that Alice had bought me with her. Somehow, she'd known exactly what styles I liked and I knew just from looking at the clothing that everything would fit perfectly. I couldn't thank her enough for her generosity.

It was nice hanging out with Alice. It had been so long since I'd hung out with another girl and was able to just talk to someone who truly understood everything that I was going through.

I couldn't believe how much had changed in just a few short days, but I was excited for what the future would hold with my new family.