Supernatural: Chronicles of the Order 8
Chapter 11: Ode to a Wheelchair
(DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own Supernatural because it belongs to Eric Kripke and Warner Bros. So, enjoy the show! Rated M for graphic violence, adult content, and adult language.)
I was in the seaship as I was sleeping in my cabin after I said goodbye to Dean and Reuben yesterday. The ride to Skald Island was long as the choppy seas became a problem until the weather cleared. Laying in my bed, I had feelings of being rendered useless as I was dreading it the moment I curled up in the blankets. I felt weak. I felt that I didn't have much purpose as I started to weep in which I missed the field work. It wasn't long until I began to wake up in which I noticed that I was in the waters where the Skalvarg Archipelago was. Getting up from my bed, I went to my wheelchair as I left my cabin in which I went to the dock to see the sight of land in my midst. It wasn't long until the seaship landed there on the nearest island as I was ready to get off, but it wasn't Skald Island.
Getting out of the seaship, I was in the harbor as I noticed my surroundings to be Cordell Island in which it was the second largest one in the Skalvarg Archipelago. When I wheeled out of the dock, I noticed a blend of races that traded and lived here in which Cordell Island depended on the fishing industry along with its farming. The place itself was more lively than Skald Island as I noticed a group of Sindar Elves returning from a fishing expedition. The sight of Valinorian fish being put on display at a seafood market was a feast for the eyes as I saw many people paying for their catch for dinner. I was wanting to write an entry in my journal, but I forgot it in Reuben's ship until I dug into the pocket part of the wheelchair I sat in. I found my journal as I began to write in it after sleeping in the seaship. To my shock, I saw a group of people digging a large wood peg into the beach by the harbor as it signified the loss of someone who was killed while hunting for monsters. Still, I had to back off as I also had to focus on my health while finding a place to stay for the night.
It wasn't long until I spotted a Sindar Elf with brown skin and black hair as he was dressed in northern clothing to keep him warm in this cold weather. Speaking of cold weather, I was freezing as I was shivering from the chill of the northern wind the moment I noticed the Sindar Elf rush towards me and wheeled me away from the harbor and into an inn in which it was near the shore. When I was rushed inside, I was wheeled to a sitting area as I noticed all of the Supernatural and The Winchesters books placed neatly on a shelf. I even noticed a large book called The Appendices placed in a black cover and gold writing as it was on the coffee table with a bookmark in it. I wanted to read it as I picked it up and saw the details that were recorded in the Elder Days. It was the most to past the time as I was also warming myself next to the fire while the Sindar Elf returned with a tray of food for me, for he was glad that he brought me into this inn.
"The northern wind really reeled in a whopper," he said to me as he put the tray of food on the table.
"This island has its perks," I said.
"It has its perks alright, but it also has a butt-load of monsters that come and go, including drowners that show up here on Cordell Island."
"The food's good…" I tasted at what was on the tray as I saw it to be spicy. "You know how to cook Indian food very well."
"That's known as chicken vindaloo with naan bread. It's my old man's recipe, gods and the Matriarch rest his soul, but I have to carry on his cooking prowess. By the way, my name's Abishek Chatterjee and I work here at the Singer House, which is the inn we're at."
"My name's Sam Winchester of the Order of Letters and I've been put into a long furlough to recover from overexerting my raw power two years ago and it's starting to get boring."
"Don't be like that. Sometimes, you need to focus on your health than overwork."
I saw Abishek leave the sitting room as I finished up my meal. The taste of the chicken vindaloo was spicy enough to clear my sinuses as I took my dishes towards the kitchen while in my wheelchair. By the time I got there, went to the sink as I was ready to wash them until I was stopped by an Orc who was dressed in hunter clothing, for he didn't want me to overwhelm myself right now.
"You can't be in here, My Lord," he said to me.
"I have to make an effort instead of being benched," I said.
"From what I heard, you had a tussle with Sawney Masbath two years ago. I also heard that the battle against that bastard took a lot out of you."
"I take it that you didn't like him…"
"Sawney Masbath was one of the worst folk that ever lived in which his bread and butter was the money he was squelching from his victims due to his penchant for blackmail. He was even blackmailing Abishek's father in which he fled here to this nest of islands in the north. Years after he came here, he married a Draaza woman and started up a family in which he became a cook to this place. Sadly, he lost his life when he ended up dead near the shore. One of the fishermen found his body in which one of those deranged fish folk did away with him."
"He was killed by a drowner, wasn't he?"
"Drowners are such fickle scum in which they mostly hang around lakes, rivers, swamps, and oceans. The lore from the Elder Days states that they are susceptible to fire and silver. Their natural enemies happen to be sharks in the ocean and alligators in the swamps. If one of them is in their waters, they won't attack."
I was astonished to hear more about drowners as I also viewed them to be a threat. Still, I wanted to do more, but was blocked due to the factor about my health. When I set my dishes in the sink, I left the kitchen as I was ready to go upstairs to my room. The pathway would be hell as I got up from my wheelchair the moment I put it near the coat rack. Just as I was about to do so, I saw Abishek bring my wheelchair to me as he placed it on a lifter that was attached to the bar on the wall. Sitting back down, I was lifted upstairs as I went to my room for the night. The room I was in had a rustic flair as it had a bed complete with a bathroom the moment I got out of my wheelchair and slowly walked in there. With my clothes stripped off, I placed them into the hamper as I got into the bathtub and turned on the hot water. The bath I was having was warm enough for me to soak as I felt relieved from all that travel in the seaship. By the time I turned off the faucet, I started to clean myself in the hot water as I was also wanting to go to bed after this. Rinsing myself off, I simply started to soak as I was staring at the bruises all over my body. The blows that I had caused me to ache further as I was torn between duty and recovery, for I was backed in a much proverbial corner than I expected.
"I really hate feeling useless…," I said to myself as I continued to soak.
I just sat in the bathtub as I was staring at the ceiling. Two years of recovery had kept me on my toes as I was also finding it hard to practice the mindful exercises that Ippei taught me. The blows that I took from Miriam had also made it hard for me to concentrate as I began to ache from my injuries. By the time I finished up, I drained the water as I dried myself with a towel and went towards the sink to brush my teeth. I was feeling drained as I was finished brushing my teeth while I put on my nightclothes. With the towel in the hamper, I left the bathroom as I went to the bed in which I saw a picnic basket next to it. Picking it up, I opened it up as I noticed a box of teabags in it along with a container of cookies in it. I even noticed a note that said, "Miss you, love you," in red letters as I clutched it close. This was Reiko's writing as I opened up the box of teabags in which I smelled the flavor of lemon and ginger. I even noticed a container of honey in the basket as I was happy that I got it in which blending honey with lemon and ginger was a usual cold remedy. Putting all the stuff back in the basket, I crawled into bed as I turned off the light in which I heard the sound of the ocean waves crashing next to the rocks. When I fell asleep, I was comfortable as I would soon wait until the ferry to Skald Island gets here, for I would soon return home after tonight…
The next morning, I was up as I got out of bed in which I was ready to get into the basket that Reiko sent me. Opening it up, I grabbed the container of cookies as I was ready to eat one. The taste of oatmeal and raisin was great as I didn't mind it. When I stared at the box of tea, I opened it up as I was wanting to try one of the teabags that were in there. It wasn't long until I saw the sunrise in which I noticed some of the seafarers and fishermen getting ready to start the day here on Cordell Island. I didn't mind the scenery as I slowly got up and was ready to get into my wheelchair. Just as I was about to do so, I heard the door open up as I saw a Draaza woman dressed in fishing clothes enter in which she was more than likely to be giving me the bad news, for she was aware of such things.
"You must be Sam Winchester, aren't you?" she said to me.
"You must be one of the people who work in the fisheries," I said.
"My name's Yavanna Chatterjee. You know my son, Abishek, and you also know one of the proprietors of this place, Gorthog Barzuk, who is one of the freelanced hunters in the Order of Letters.
"I already met them yesterday. Your son's a great cook."
"His cooking prowess came from his father. Sadly, my late husband, gods and the Matriarch rest his soul, ended up dead at the hands of drowners. They've become a problem here in the Skalvarg Archipelago, but from what I gathered, the nest near Skald Island was eliminated in which justice was served on those things. For the record, breakfast consists of scrambled eggs with smoked salmon and toasted rye bread complete with grilled mackerel, bossam, shrimp baozi, moo yang, and uttapam complete with cloudberry turnovers, skyr with blackberries, and a cup of dalgona coffee. You can come downstairs if you want."
The thought of a huge breakfast made my stomach growl as I slowly got up and went towards my wheelchair while I followed Yavanna out the door. When I went down the lifter to the first floor, I made my way to the dining area as I saw Gorthog and Abishek hard at work making breakfast for some of the seafarers who came and went. It wasn't long until I slowly got up to the downstairs bathroom as I washed my hands just in time for breakfast. When I went back into the dining room, I saw the usual breakfast on the table as I sat down and began to eat my fill. It was like before as my metabolism got the better of me in which I began to eat what was on my plate. The scrambled eggs with smoked salmon and rye toast was very good as I couldn't get enough of it. When I tried the rest of the breakfast, my body began to absorb what I was eating as I felt my raw power beginning to function with what was put into me. I would've been gaining weight by now, but I noticed that I was wanting a little more after I finished off the uttapam and went straight to the cloudberry turnovers and skyr with blackberries while I sipped at the dalgona coffee. After all this, I was getting very full as I was happy with what was given to me. Just as I was about to leave the table, I felt a spoon being shoved into my mouth as I tasted a very awful substance that nearly turned my stomach the moment I swallowed it, for it was very awful indeed. Turning around, I noticed Gorthog with a bottle in his hand as he was grateful that I took the spoonful of the awful substance I had, for it was something that I had to accept soon enough.
"This stuff is awful," I said as I nearly felt nauseous.
"It's called cod liver oil and a spoonful of it can help you live longer," said Gorthog. "I know that you don't like it, but it's better for you just to reduce the stress."
"Now that you think about it…" I began to feel more relaxed as I didn't have any problems after this breakfast. "I'm not as irritated as I was…"
"Cod liver oil is good for you and most of the islanders who live in the Skalvarg Archipelago depend on this stuff. It's even good for your heart and brain as well."
I didn't complain any further as I was ready to take my dishes into the kitchen to get washed. By the time I got there, I noticed Abishek hard at work as he was cleaning up the kitchen. I wanted to help out as I brought my dishes to the sink to wash. When I was about to do that, I noticed Abishek get my dishes as he washed them up for me. By the time he rinsed them off and put them into the dish drainer, he wheeled me out of the kitchen as he placed me back into the dining area in which he didn't want me to do much. I never liked being useless as I simply just wanted to go back to Skald Island to be with the rest of my family. I was backed in a corner as I simply wanted to weep at the notion of not doing enough after what happened to me two years ago. Therefore, I didn't want to succumb to weakness as I got up from my wheelchair as I was trying my best to walk without the support of what I had, for I need to make an effort to do more. When I was ready to walk, I was going towards the front door as I didn't have any difficulty at all. I was doing fine until I hit a snag. My knees started to buckle again as I was trying hard to stand up. By the time I finally reached the front door, I fell onto the floor as I felt my knees buckling from the pressure, for I wasn't ready to walk on my own yet.
"You shouldn't be trying too hard," said Abishek as he helped me up and placed me back in my wheelchair. "I know that you're wanting to walk, but you can't just jump the gun all the time."
"I don't like being rendered useless all the time," I said. "I just wanted to do more like everyone wanted."
"But you went through too much. I know that you were known to be someone who would help protect everyone from harm, but who's gonna protect you?"
"I just wanted to do more, not be trapped in a wheelchair for the rest of my life…"
I wheeled myself to the lifter as I went upstairs to where my room was. When I went to collect my dirty clothes, I noticed that they were gone as I heard the sound of a toploader on wash cycle in the room next to mine. I entered into the room as I saw a toploader and dryer washing and drying clothes in which one of them was starting up. I was defeated by my own folly as I wanted to do a lot more than what was put in front of me. I hated being in a wheelchair as I was getting fed up with sitting in it. I was desperate to walk on my feet again as I was also growing weary of being stuck in a prison with wheels. When I heard the clothes go on rinse, I went out of the room as I used the lift to go downstairs to get some fresh air. Going outside of the inn, I went to the harbor as I saw various ferries coming and going all over the Skalvarg Archipelago, but I haven't seen the ferry to Skald Island coming in yet. I was forced to wait until it arrived as I stopped to see some people getting off of one of the ferries, for I was still waiting for my ride home away from Cordell Island.
"As soon as my clothes get done, I'll be on my way back to Skald Island," I said to myself.
I sighed heavily as I saw some of the people getting off of the ferries turning their noses up towards me due to my ill-fated status as a cripple. I hated being in this wheelchair. I wanted to walk again without any difficulty as I was getting fed up with sitting in this prison with wheels. Getting up, I decided to get rid of this lingering contraption that hindered my efforts to walk again as I slowly got up and took the wheelchair close to the dock. I was ready to get rid of it as I was about to push it into the ocean. I wanted to walk again. I wanted to do more than just be rendered useless. I couldn't take it anymore as I saw several other people pointing their fingers at me while jeering at my troublesome frailty, for I have had enough of it.
"Look at the crappy cripple," said one person.
"What's the matter? You lost your feet, spaz?" said another.
"Anyone who is crippled is considered weak and useless," said a woman as she had a young boy with her. "The perfect person is best made to be walking, not be trapped in a wheelchair like some palsied freak!"
I was not having it as I was getting tired of the numerous insults that were hurled at me. In that moment, I've had enough of the horrendous putdowns as I pushed the wheelchair into the ocean as I grew weary of the prison with wheels that hindered my progress. The sight of the contraption sinking further was something that I didn't regret as I was ready to return to the inn. At that moment, I slowly walked away from the dock as I was walking back to where I was earlier. Just as I was about to do so, I was stopped by a woman with carrot-red hair and freckles as she was angered by the fact that I threw away the thing that hindered my steps, for she wasn't about to let me off the hook.
"How dare you?!" she yelled. "How could you possibly bend the knee to those ableists who often thumb their noses towards those who are crippled and have no voice?!"
"I got rid of that wheelchair because I got fed up with being rendered useless," I said. "I want to be able to walk without the hindrance of that prison with wheels so I wouldn't be labeled as a failure all the time."
"That wheelchair was meant to help you, not hinder you and yet you threw it into the ocean like it was some worn-down eyesore!"
"Let me pass. My frailty doesn't matter."
"Yes it does! It matters because I see those who became frail or losing the ability to walk become discarded like trash! Are you like trash or are you like a trooper?" I ignore the woman's protestations as I returned to the inn. "Don't you walk away from me! You know that you can't go without your wheelchair!"
"Watch me…"
I went inside of the inn as I slowly went upstairs to where the laundry room was. When I noticed the toploader stopping, I opened it up as I took out my clothes and put them into the dryer while I turned it on. When I sat in a chair near the laundry supplies, I wrote in my journal as I was more than glad to be rid of the lingering prison with wheels. I showed no regrets towards my actions as I also couldn't take any more insults that accosted me. The days of being in a wheelchair were finally numbered as I would soon relax and focus more on my ability to be walking again. I felt elated when I also put a damper on the insults until I heard noises from outside. Looking out the window, I saw the same woman throwing pebbles at me as she was still angered at the fact that I threw away my wheelchair, for she was persistent into forcing me back to the same mobile prison that I endured for a while.
"You shouldn't be throwing pebbles at people!" I yelled.
"Well, you shouldn't be throwing away your wheelchair!" I heard the woman yell back.
"I won't be put back in that horrendous contraption that renders me useless anymore! Not today!"
"You can do more in a wheelchair than just sit around and sulk!"
"You can't do squat with those things!"
"I've seen people do a lot more in wheelchairs and they have excelled in a lot of things!" I close the window as I ignored the woman's protestations. "Don't you dare turn your back on me!"
I resumed into writing my journal as I focused on drying my clothes. Still, I was not having it as I was ready to take the next step, for I didn't regret losing that awful wheelchair…
Yavanna was busy taking care of the fishing boat as it was ready to set sail for the next catch. Her daily rounds into preparing the boat for netting and catching fish and other seafood was ready to go until she spotted something being pulled up from the dock. She spotted my wheelchair as it was wet and covered with sand and seaweed in which the wheels of it had some lobsters stuck in them. Getting off of the boat, Yavanna rushed to the dock as she saw my wheelchair in shambles in which it was pushed into the ocean on purpose. Putting on her gloves, she carefully removed the lobsters from the wheels as she grabbed some twine from her belt to wrap their pinchers with. When she went back to her boat, she put the lobsters into a cooler filled with water as she was ready to prepare some dinner later on. Still, the sight of the wheelchair in shambles with all that seaweed and sand all over was a ghastly sight as Yavanna also spotted a langoustine stuck in the wheel as she carefully took it out and tied its pinchers with twine and rushed back to her boat and placed it into the cooler with the two lobsters that were caught earlier.
"We've got dinner," she said to herself.
It wasn't long until she saw the woman from earlier lamenting the wheelchair as she saw it to be wet and collecting rust while covered in seaweed. It wasn't long until she returned to the ghastly sight of the mobile prison as she spotted a pair of red snappers trapped in the seaweed as she was armed with a different cooler with water while she used a pair of utility scissors to cut them loose the moment they were later put in there. The plan to get rid of the wheelchair backfired as Yavanna saw the woman from earlier wheel it away from the dock to get cleaned and dry, for she refused to budge until I accepted that accursed prison on wheels. It wasn't long until she followed the woman to the inn as she was wanting to have a bone to pick with me, for she refused to let anyone make fun of or discard future wheelchairs.
"I'm cleaning up and returning the wheelchair to that man," she heard the woman say.
"You're in a mode, Astrid," she said as she saw her get rid of the rest of the seaweed.
"Wheelchairs should be treated with care, not like some broken toy!"
I was outside as I was ready to leave after I had my clothes in the picnic basket that Reiko gave me. What I didn't expect was that the wheelchair that I threw into the ocean was brought up again as I was starting to hate it even more. The mobile prison was the bane of my recovery as I was ready to toss it back into the ocean again, but was stopped by Yavanna, who was not having it when it came to the greater use of the vile contraptions that were meant to trap people in their seats. I also saw the woman from earlier as she refused to budge from showing more gratitude for my wheelchair, for I had nothing but disdain and contempt for it.
"I hope you're proud of yourself for damaging the one thing that is meant to help you!" she yelled.
"I don't want that thing anymore!" I yelled. "It's nothing but ridicule for me in which it hindered my recovery for a long time!"
"Wheelchairs are our friends, not our enemies! They help you get around more than just your wobbly legs alone!"
"That wheelchair is nothing but an eyesore and you can't do anything with it!"
"That wheelchair did something and it brought in our catch of the day," said Yavanna as she was glad to see some good luck come from my folly. "Next time, don't toss your wheelchair into the ocean. You would be useless without it."
"But I'm barely useless with it…" I felt my knees buckling under pressure again as I was about to collapse onto the ground. "I had people from the ferries hurling insults at me and even saying that crippled people are weak and useless. I have grown tired of being useless and it hurts so badly!"
Without warning, I fell onto my knees as the pressure of the weakness was too much. I was wrong all along. I really did need my wheelchair. I was forced to return to the wheeled prison as I slowly got up and walked to that vile contraption that was wet and dirty with sand. It wasn't long until I saw Yavanna grab a towel and wiped the sand from the seat in which she even shook the dirt off. When she placed the towel on the wheelchair, she walked towards me and helped me up into the mobile prison again, for I was trapped in it again.
"You can't go without your wheelchair in your condition, Sam," she told me. "You should show respect to it in which Astrid gets pissy when something like that gets thrown away."
"I hate that wheelchair," I said. "You can't do anything in it but stare at the ceiling while bystanders give dirty looks to you."
"Is it some of the people who came back from visiting the mainlanders?" I nodded. "You got an earful from some of Cordell Island's top snobs, didn't you? They think that they're all that like some sort of country club by excluding the disabled, both physically and mentally. As for Astrid's situation, she refuses to bend the knee to those country club idiots in which she still advocates for the those who have been ignored. How did she get that way? I'll tell you. A few years ago, her father was wounded during the war between the Oranges and the Blues. The aftermath of the war caused him to be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, but those who once saw him as a hero now view him as a pariah due to his disability. More and more, I defied the snobs by adding a lifter and a ramp to the inn to those who have suffered from ailments or disabilities. Therefore, your wheelchair brought in today's catch in which we'll have fish stew complete with some nice seafood and black pepper biscuits. And you say that you can't do anything in your wheelchair…"
I felt defeated as I saw Yavanna go back to her boat and later came back with the cooler that had the lobsters and langoustine in it. I was trapped in the wheelchair as I just wanted to go back to Skald Island. When I saw a ferry approaching, I wheeled myself back to the dock as I was ready to leave until I noticed it to be bound for a different island in the Skalvarg Archipelago. The ferry was bound for Fjolvarg Island as I was devastated that my trip back to my destination has suffered a setback. I was trapped here as I just wanted to fall off the dock and drown. I was itching to do it until I was wheeled away from the dock and back to the inn the moment I saw Astrid bringing me back, for she didn't want me to go over the edge. When we got there, we saw the winds picking up as some of the fishing trawlers tilting back and forth. By the time I was wheeled inside, I felt depressed as I just wanted to go to my room until the ferry to Skald Island arrived, for my time in the wheelchair went from bad to worse…
Later on in the afternoon, I laid in my bed as I began to feel more depressed than normal. The thoughts of walking without difficulty were dashed because of the wheelchair that was in front of me. I made a complete ass out of myself as I was desperately wanting to walk again. Sitting up, I looked out the window as I saw the water near the harbor becoming more choppy due to a windstorm that grounded the rest of the fishing trawlers that were near it. I felt both angry and guilty at the same time as I was seeing the wheelchair next to my bed in which the seat was completely dry and manageable. On a whim, I looked at the wheels on it as I saw the bars to be dented after having the langoustine and lobsters stuck to it. Without further delay, I used a bit of my raw power to fix the rest of the wheelchair as I had no other choice but to use it until I got better.
"Wheelchairs are our friends, not our enemies! They help you get around more than just your wobbly legs alone!"
Astrid's words were a reminder of how frail I was due to what I went through against Sawney Masbath two years ago. The battle took a lot out of me as I also wanted to apologize to her after Yavanna told me about how her father was shunned for being in a wheelchair. That could be me being in that predicament as I felt more useless than ever. All I am now was nothing more than being dead weight. My protestations had backed me into a corner as I heard the northern wind blowing with the ocean waves crashing near the shore and harbor. The chill wind made me freeze as I was curled up in my blankets. All I did was weep as I later heard the door open up in which I saw Astrid coming in here to check up on me, for she didn't want me to sulk further.
"Yavanna's in the kitchen making fish stew," she said to me.
"I'm not hungry…," I said as I wept.
"But you can't go without food, you know…"
"You must be Astrid… For the record…, I am so, so sorry for the way I acted earlier. I'm not worthy of forgiveness for destroying the very thing that I needed the most."
"You can't sulk in bed forever. As soon as you go home to Skald Island, you'll be—"
"If anyone asks, I don't want any visitors… I'm not hungry, either, after what I did."
"Fair enough…" Astrid sees me shaking as she felt my forehead. "You're burning up with a fever…"
"No, don't bother calling for a doctor right now… There's no one here who would take care of an invalid that has been reduced to being dead weight. I hate being frail. I hate being dead weight. It's just not right for me..."
"This isn't fair…"
"It never is..."
Astrid left the room as I was alone. The tears in my eyes were more than enough for me to feel defeated as my frailty became a liability. I was rendered useless. I was dead weight. I was simply…, nothing. All I did was feel guilty for my actions as depriving myself of food was punishment for throwing away the very thing that I was used to. I had a love/hate relationship with the wheelchair as I stared at it, for I had gotten used to it due to the fact that I wasn't ready to walk without difficulty again. I wanted to sleep through the day as I simply felt even sadder when I was hindered defective due to the frailty that I had. I couldn't stand being reduced to being dead weight as I wanted to simply fade away. I hated being frail as I was also stuck in this predicament of my own making. Just as I was about to close my eyes, I turned to the other side of my bed as I saw Castiel standing in front of me in which he brought Kotori with him, for I had some explaining to do.
"Hello, Sam," he said to me. "It seems that you're finding it harder to walk after your battle with Sawney Masbath two years ago."
"I don't want any visitors right now," I said.
"I hate to break it to you, but you can't be left alone," said Kotori.
"I don't like being reduced to dead weight."
"This isn't good," said Castiel as he saw my legs bruised and swollen. "Your body has taken so much damage in which my best efforts to heal you have gotten slow."
"And I've been reduced the full brunt of my frailty… I even tried to get rid of my wheelchair, but to no avail."
"Your frailty is a lot of things, but you can't let it define you. You may think that being dead weight and weak can define you, but you're a lot stronger than you think. Nothing is worth losing you, Sam, and it never is."
I sat up as I saw Kotori examining my legs in which she noticed the bruises that didn't go away. It was something serious as my condition had taken a rotten turn. Still, I was stuck with my predicament as I had no other choice but to use the wheelchair for a little while longer.
"The bruising on your legs hasn't gone away," I heard Kotori say to me.
"According to Reuben, I'm also anemic," I said.
"Your body needs to have more iron so it can process more blood cells. The sooner you get it, the better you feel."
I slowly got up as I hugged both Castiel and Kotori as I continued to weep. For a while, I thought I was useless and dead weight, but I was wrong. I meant something in which I had to remain vigilant in my recovery, even if it meant by using a wheelchair. I wasn't fighting this personal battle alone as I also had to focus on my mental health as well.
"I love you guys…," I said as I had tears streaming down my cheeks.
"You're not alone, Sam," said Kotori. "You not as weak as you think you are."
"As soon as I get better, the greater I feel…"
I heard the bell ring as I got back into my wheelchair and left my room. With Castiel and Kotori following me, I used the lifter to go downstairs as I went towards the dining area. The smell of fish stew cooking in the kitchen filled the room as I sat down at a table. It wasn't long until I saw Yavanna returning from her fishing trawler as she was glad that she was safe from the storm, for the northern wind was a force to be reckoned with.
"The storm out there's a whopper," she said.
"I heard the wind blowing," I said.
"I thought you weren't hungry…"
"He has changed his mind," said Kotori.
"Gorthog and Abishek are in the kitchen finishing up the dinner."
"That's good to hear…," I said.
I smelled the fish stew in the kitchen as I heard my stomach growl. Still, I felt guilty for my behavior earlier as I wasn't hungry until I saw a tray full of a piping hot bowl of fish stew with some lobster tails and black pepper biscuits sent my way. I wanted to avoid them, but Castiel intervened into forcing me to eat a little as I took a bite of my fish stew. The taste of red snapper and vegetables were a godsend that my folly brought as I felt much better. I also tasted the seafood on my plate with the black pepper biscuits as I also enjoyed the sight of it when I tried at the langoustine in front of me. By the time I finished up my food, I was full as I was ready to go back to bed after this. Just as I was about to do so, I heard footsteps as I later noticed Reuben bursting in, for he was concerned about my health the moment he had some news that I wasn't expected to hear.
"We need to talk, Sam," I heard him say to me.
"Is something wrong?" I asked.
"The news on the assessment you had isn't good despite the fact that you've become anemic to the point of exhaustion."
"You really know how to make an entrance, don't you, Reuben?" said Yavanna.
"The prognosis is grim and I can't keep quiet about this any longer."
"Is something wrong with Sam?" asked Kotori.
"Sam's starting to lose the ability to use his legs in which the overexertion of his raw power is taking a toll on him. It's even hard for him to walk after taking in the time to focus on his mental and physical health."
I was devastated to hear Reuben's news as I felt more defeated than ever. The news about me losing the ability to walk was too much to bear as I fell out of my wheelchair and began to have a panic attack. I was backed into a corner as I hyperventilated to the point of Castiel intervening to calm me down. He didn't want to lose me as I fainted onto the floor, for he had to do something. He noticed the bruising on my legs as he used his angelic abilities to heal my legs temporarily, for he was concerned about what was happening to me. He wasn't about to leave my side yet as he also needed to look after me as well, for I was more important than I thought…
I found myself in the old Men of Letters bunker as I was walking through the halls. The old feel of them kept me on my toes as I walked into the infirmary the moment I saw my past self laying in one of the beds. I also spotted Castiel sitting in a chair as he was concerned about what was going on in which he was busy looking after my past self after he suffered from a fever. I saw my past self to be a wreck as I saw him tossing and turning after what went on earlier, for this was a memory of the past that I found myself in.
"Why must the Winchesters always run towards death?" I heard Castiel say as he sat in the chair.
I wanted to see a little more until I woke up in my room in which I was fully awake after suffering from a panic attack earlier. Sitting up, I looked at my legs as the bruising was gone for now. Just as I was about to get out of bed, I saw Castiel enter into the room as he had a cup of tea in his hands the moment he gave it to me, for he was concerned about my health like everyone else.
"I might not be able to walk after all…," I said as I sipped my tea.
"Reuben's news may be grim, but there are ways to prevent you from losing your ability to walk," said Castiel. "The battle against Sawney Masbath did more to you than just having you overexert your raw power two years ago. The aftermath of it has started to make you more weaker than just trying to maintain the mindfulness in your recovery."
"In the past two years, I did everything to keep my mind occupied from long walks to even helping out with the lighter chores. All of that went down the toilet when I was forced to go back on the field, only to be sidelined again."
"There are reasons why you need to be sidelined, Sam. For years, you helped us in the toughest battles, but you can't lift the heavy burden alone."
"Why must a Winchester like me always run towards death? I was wanting to get better quickly so that I could fight against the Executive Division and shut down Project Helios. These days, I've jumped the gun so that I wouldn't be rendered useless, but I have no other choice but to stay put in the wheelchair I have." I stare at it as I was finally accepting my frailty that hindered my actions. "I can't let my weakness define me. I won't let myself fall under the cracks anymore."
It wasn't long until Yavanna came into my room as she was worried about me. After hearing about me being unable to walk, all she had was both pity and concern as she refused to give up on me. She knew of the dangers of disabled people being ignored as she was putting her foot down when it came to helping me regain my mobility, for I needed it the most.
"I take it that you even apologized to Astrid," she said.
"I'm sorry for my actions earlier and I also used my raw power to repair my wheelchair," I said as I continued to sip my tea. "After being berated for using one, I really need it after all, but I still want to walk and do a little more than just be rendered useless."
"You've been afraid of that, aren't you?" I nodded. "For years, I've seen disabled people be tossed aside as if they were trash. I've also seen those rich snobs who come and go on the ferries look down on them as if they didn't exist. Some of those people who live in the Grand Hill district of this island didn't want anything to help the disabled in which they refused to allow businesses here on Cordell Island to have ramps, safety bars, and lifters for those who have physical disabilities. Therefore, I gave them the middle finger and install a ramp to the front for those who use wheelchairs. I even have a lifter to go upstairs with in which I can't let those clowns in that glorified country club tell me what to do at my inn."
"You did good for a lot of reasons and I'm grateful that the lifter helped me in my worst predicament."
"I hope that you feel a little better, but for now, you're stuck in the wheelchair for now."
I gave Yavanna the thumbs-up as I was starting to be more confident in my recovery. Still, I had a long way to go as I couldn't let my frailty get the better of me, for I needed to recover up to full one slow step at a time…
To be continued...