Allison walked slowly to her car. She was done, she was exhausted after working a 12 hour day and still had to go home and be a single parent. She knew Teddy had Everly all day today and her three year old was a lot. She missed Asher but they needed the money, he had to go in the summer and work out of town for six weeks as much as they hated it. She was only working and not going to school. They also knew that this could be their next few years if she got into medical school, he would work out of town on her school breaks so they could afford for her to go to school without having to work as much. There werre days Allison wondered if life had passed her by, sure she had gone to college and would have her degree in four years and was engaged to the man she loved but she hadn't travelled and slept out on the beach like her friends had or been to a club. She had been invited to a birthday party tomorrow night but she couldn't go. She wouldn't dance with a guy who wasn't Asher at least not the way her friends danced with guys, she didn't trust herself to have more than two drinks, her medications and she didn't like being drunk. The last time she had been drunk, she became a parent.

She put the groceries in the back of her car and drove home.

"Mommy," Everly said rushing towards Allison.

"Super speed today," Allison said kneeling to give her daughter a hug.

"You okay baby girl," Teddy asked.

"Tired," Allison said.

"Dads getting dinner for all of us," Teddy said, "12 hours is a long shift for you. You left here at 4:30 this morning."

"I know," Allison said.

"What do you need," Teddy asked.

"Can you do another 20 minutes," Allison asked, "I need to eat I didn't get a lunch."

"You haven't eaten," Teddy asked.

"Not yet,"Allison said.

"Mommy can we swim," Everly asked.

"After I have a snack," Allison agreed.

"Popsicle," Everly asked.

"You can while you wait," Allison said, she got one out of the freezer.

Allison grabbed a yogurt and ate it quickly.

"Go get your bathing suit on," Allison directed Everly.

"Can she," Teddy asked.

"She can," Allison asked, "how did the day go?"

"Good," Teddy said.

"Potty," Allison asked.

"One accident but we were outside on the grass blowing bubbles so we came in and got changed," Teddy answered.

"On the grass is fine," Allison said, "did it soak her braces?"

"I wiped them down," Teddy said.

"Did she nap," Allison asked.

"In the car when we ran errands," Teddy said, "she wouldn't lay down but I didn't push it."

"Mom," Allison whined.

"She's three just put her to bed early," Teddy said.

"Doesn't work," Allison said.

"Are just you and Ev swimming," Teddy asked.

"Come," Allison said.

"I'll go change," Teddy said.

A couple minutes later they met in the back yard.

"That's new," Teddy said, "I haven't seen that before."

"First time I've bought one since high school," Allison said, "I don't know about the top. I don't know about showing my boobs."

"It's covered," Teddy said, "the bikini is a big step for you."

"It is," Allison said, "I like the colour and the bottoms but it's the top. I'm worried about falling out."

"Try it," Teddy said, "it's just Ev and I today."

"I want Asher to like it," Allison said.

"No," Teddy said, "you have to like it. Allison it looks good."

"My stomach," Allison said.

"You've worked out a lot lately," Teddy smiled, "your in good shape Allie. You can be 21 and show it off! You don't have to hide in dark one pieces and tanks. You can wear tighter clothes and lower cuts if you want."

"I'm a mom," she argued.

"You are," Teddy said, "but that doesn't mean you can't feel pretty and attractive. You need to feel good. Not does Asher like it do you feel good."

"I guess," Allison said.

"Then you need to figure that out," Teddy said.

"Mom would you tell me if I got fat or gained weight," Allison asked.

"No," Teddy said, "it's not my place to. I'm not your doctor. I will tell you if your too thin."

"Why," Allison asked.

"Because of what happened with your sister," Teddy admitted, "and her eating disorder. I missed that for years she was good at hiding it until she got to her breaking point. So were you with your depression. I missed the signs. I should have seen you pulling away, partying, drinking for what it was. I messed up. You were my confident one."

"I'm not," Allison said as she set Everly into her floatie with her life jacket already on.

"I know that now baby girl," Teddy said, "I should have pushed more checked in more I'm sorry."

"I was hiding it," Allison said, "I didn't want to let you down. And I know I did."

The got into the pool Allison and Teddy sitting on the steps as Everly propelled herself through the water in her floatie. She enjoyed floating around the pool and didn't like her mom hovering in the small above ground pool.

"Was it when we thought no," Teddy said, "but you make me proud. You have always made me proud. Allison, you are so strong."

"I don't have a choice," Allison said, "I can't fall apart."

"You could," Teddy said, "how many times has Annie?"

"Lots," Allison said, "can Ev and I ride with you and dad to the cabin this weekend? Ash can't get the time. I hate this. I'm not good at being alone."

"You've never had to," Teddy said, "I didn't like it. I did it because I had to. The worst was when I was in Germany. You are the best thing to come from those years."

"But I ended that," Allison said, "I changed all your plans."

"You did," Teddy said, "all three of you did in your own ways. But it was also time for me to come home. I was ready. I was so excited when I found out, terrified but excited, I had never raised a baby, I could do college kids and med students but a baby? I was so excited to have you and to get every day with you."

"What if I don't get into medical school," Allison asked.

"You fix the weaknesses and apply again," Teddy said, "it doesn't always happen first try. It's okay if you need a couple tries."

"Annie, you," Allison said, "Josh."

"Dad applied twice," Teddy said.

"And I'm only applying west coast I won't go to one of the big name schools," Allison said, "mom I won't get the big name school or the big name residency."

"You can apply and we'll help," Teddy assured.

"But I can't up root Ev," Allison said, "ask ash to give everything up to follow me. What if I fail and can't do it?"

"Then you come to me and dad and we figure it out. We will always be here and always help you figure it out," Teddy assured, "you can always come home to me. I will always be here and always want you home."

"Really," Allison asked.

"Always," Teddy assured, "you and Ev can always come home. I love you baby girl."

"I love you too mom," Allison said, "can you ask Ellie to chill?"

"Why," Teddy asked.

"Her anxiety is a bit much," Allison said, "and her if I mess up is code for get pregnant she's terrified of it like me having a baby was the worst thing that could happen. It's not like I committed murder or overdosed."

"I'm trying," Teddy said, "I assure her that dad and I will be here."

"Why is she like that," Allison asked.

"She was a baby at the worst of Annie's eating disorder," Teddy said, "but I don't know other than that. She has adhd like you and Leo. And we know that it's connected to depression and anxiety. She's anxious about moving."

"Like Annie won't let her come home," Allison retorted, "try being her sister. Mrs perfect."

"She's not perfect," Teddy said.

"She got into Harvard medical at 20, top 10% of her class, her first choice of residency."

"She wasn't the best in her residency class," Teddy said, "she was good and worked hard. But as a resident she had struggles. She couldn't lead and control her interns. You have more leadership skills now then she did at 30. Allison you have to stop comparing yourself to her. You and your sister are different people and have such different upbringings that you can't compare. The timing alone you had two totally different education systems. You're a thinker and an observer."

"The getting married young," Allison asked.

"My thoughts don't matter here," Teddy said, "I want you to be happy. If your happy…"

"But I want to know," Allison said.

"It's Asher," Teddy said, "if it wasn't him I would wonder. I know he loves you and you love him."

"But Annie," Allison said.

"Josh," Allison said.

"She was in her 20s," Teddy said.

"But I was there she was a resident," Allison argued.

"She was," Teddy said, "but that's her path not yours. Stop comparing."

"I'll never measure up," Allison whined.

"Stop comparing 21 and nearly 47," Teddy answered, "Annie is older than I was when you were born, she the same age I was when we adopted Leo."

"Woah," Allison said.

"I know," Teddy said, "Annie was never allowed to have a voice as a kid. She was taught to keep a stiff upper lip and stuff her feelings down. But there's a point that that doesn't work."

"The summer she was almost killed," Allison said, "her big scar?"

"Was terrifying," Teddy said, "waiting for her in surgery. Seeing her in pain. When the three of you hurt it hurts me. When you had Ev how scared and in pain you were I wanted to cry with you. I would have swapped places with you in a heart beat taken all that pain."

"Would it hurt like that if we had another," Allison asked.

"I don't know," Teddy said, "you were way faster and less painful then Annie. I think age and knowing what to expect will help. When your ready your relationship will be so much stronger. I think having your dad made it easier for me with you. Knowing he was there even though he couldn't take the pain away or make it better he stayed and rubbed my back and held my hands. You and Asher were just beginning to learn to rely on each other. Your relationship has matured. I see a confidence in your relationship that not many couples get."

"I want what you and dad have," Allison said.

"We've had 35 years to get here," Teddy said, "and every relationship is unique."

"Why didn't auntie Meg and uncle Nate make it," Allison asked.

"They stopped talking to and trusting each other," Teddy answered.

"What if," Allison asked.

"I will be here," Teddy said.

"He almost died last fall I would have been alone with our daughter," Allison said.

"It would have been hard," Teddy said, "losing the person you love your partner is hell. He's okay."

"He's away," Allison whined.

"How can you two make it work so he doesn't have to go and you can still feed your selves and have a decent standard of living," Teddy asked.

"We'd have to go to student loans," Allison said, "we don't want debt. We'd rather cut back on spending on ourselves and fun things than go into debt."

"Medical school," Teddy asked.

"I'll apply for scholarships and work if I can," Allison said, "what if I don't get into UW for medical school."

"Then you go to another school," Teddy said, "Texas wasn't my first choice school. It was about my 5th. It was a back up school but I didn't get into my first choices so I went where I had the offer."

"Ev no," Allison interrupted Teddy, "your life jacket stays done up or we get out of the pool."

"Mommy swim," Everly asked.

"In a minute," Allison promised, "I'm right here. I need to ask Grandma one more question."

"You're being so patient with us," Teddy praised, "thank you Everly."

"Mom if I don't get into UW but into one of my back up schools I can't go," Allison said, "I can't ask Asher to give up his whole life for my dreams."

"That's being a team," Teddy said, "he wants you to go."

"I want to go but I'm scared to ask him to give up his career with a company he loves and where he's on track to move for something we don't know if I can do," Allison said, "mom what if I'm not cut out for medicine. I want it but what if I can't."

"You have to give it all you've got," Teddy said, "and we will help. Dad and I are always here. You have us, your sister will help and support she always does, Josh, Auntie Meg, Faroke, Nisha. And baby girl you have Asher."

"But who does medical school with a 4 year old," Allison asked.

"I know a few people in my class that had kids in med school," Teddy said, "I did."

"You didn't keep her though," Allison said.

"And that is my biggest regret," Teddy said, "that I wasn't strong enough to keep her and protect her, that I wasn't ready. She needed me and I couldn't be there. And it's taken me years to assure her that I am there and get her trusting me fully, that I won't leave again. Allie you can do med school and residency with your family."

"Do you regret having me," Allison asked, "or keeping me?"

"No," Teddy said, "never. Allison, are you having regrets?"

"No," Allison said, "I couldn't imagine not having Ev. I don't regret her or ash. I just feel left out sometimes."

"When," Teddy asked.

"I don't fit in with the moms at her school they're all closer to Annie's age and have careers and real jobs," Allison said, "then tomorrow a group is going to a club for Brielles 21st and I can't go. I know it's my choice and I could get a babysitter but I'm engaged and don't want to have strange guys around me trying to dance or grabbing me. I don't want the pressure to drink. I wish I could go for dinner with everyone first."

"Go," Teddy said, "you have your reasons for not clubbing but go for dinner. Dad and I are home Ev can hang out with us."

"They're going for 8," Allison said.

"So she'll be in bed and we'll read on your couch," Teddy replied.

"I wonder what we've missed," Allison said, "did we miss out on things. Clubs and parties but I didn't the party thing and don't want to again. I've never had college roommates or pulled all-nighters to study with friends surviving on pizza and energy drinks."

"You've also had experience some people will never have," Teddy replied, "and not just because of Ev. We did Europe last summer and you've done a bit of backpack camping. You camp a lot as a family. But yes your experiences have been different. You have learned to share living space a different way then your siblings have and Leo is in for a big wake up call this fall living with Charlotte. But that's okay."

"He's worried," Allison said, "he can do it. We figured it out and learned to be parents at the same time and were just 18."

"We guided," Teddy said, "you would bring Ev into our room when you panicked at night and you would carry her in screaming and you would be crying."

"I needed you," Allison said, "I still do."

"I know," Teddy said, "you probably always will."

"But you didn't," Allison said.

"I did until she passed," Teddy said, "and I have missed her everyday since. I would have if I had her I would still be leaning on her and talking to her every day."

"If I don't get into med school will you and dad be disappointed," Allison asked.

"No," Teddy said, "absolutely not! I had a back up plan, so did dad."

"What was your back up plan," Allison asked.

"Respiratory therapy," Teddy said.

"Physiotherapy," Allison said, "I'm applying to both."

"Good plan," Teddy said, "you have the courses?"

"I do," Allison said, "I need to start working on my essays. The challenge I overcame is hard to know what to write about."

"What are you thinking," Teddy asked.

"There's two obvious paths," Allison said, "teen mom or child with CP."

"Both are powerful," Teddy said, "and you. Which do you feel makes you want medicine more?"

"Her CP," Allison said, "I wouldn't have considered it without seeing how others can help my daughter when I can't. It was her need for support and care that made me want to learn more. But I'm worried having it on my application will say I'm not fully committed."

"No," Teddy said, "when I was going through resident applications, being a parent never disqualified them in my book. Write from your heart, what's most important to you. Your experience with Ev gives you an understanding most will never have. Some people will work for years to learn skills you'll come in with, the empathy for a patient and their family. You know how it feels to sit and wait to hear."

"What if I'm not a surgeon," Allison asked.

"You will find where you belong," Teddy said, "I know that. You're going to do great things Allison I know that. You can't pick your path now, you can have a goal in mind but don't settle now when you haven't experienced everything. Go with an open mind and try everything. You've only seen surgery. Go and experience things, try different areas of medicine. Baby girl you will be great. I know that because you already are. Allison you are loving, kind, strong, intelligent and so determined. I'm proud of you and I love you baby girl."

Allison hugged Teddy, "I love you too mom."

"Mommy come on," Everly complained.

"Okay let's come out of your floatie," Allison smiled, "you can really swim now have you shown grandma?"

"I do it," Everly said.

Allison lifted her daughter out of the floatie and put her in the water. Everly immediately splashed her way to Teddy.

"Go get mommy," Teddy directed with a smile.

Everly swam between Allison and Teddy smiling and giggling. Allison smiled at her daughter, as tired as she was, as stressful as it could be she loved being Everly's mom. That she knew would never change, she loved her daughter and being her mom. When Asher was away to work it was hard on her own, she knew she didn't want to do this alone.