A.N. I'm just floored by the wonderful support this story has been receiving! Thanks so much to everyone who's followed, favorited, and especially reviewed! And now, for Chapter 3: Rory's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Really Bad Day.

Rory hadn't been to Luke's diner in ages. Too, too long! She missed it, but the melange of smells, from coffee to onion rings and frying meat, had for months sent her fleeing to the restroom to dry heave into the toilet. Ugh. But as her "Inhabitant" grew into its third trimester, her stomach was settling to the point where Rory and Lorelai tentatively decided to give it one more try.

A very pregnant Rory bravely threw open the door to Luke's like Aragorn bursting into the Great Hall of Edoras. "I'm in!" she cried triumphantly, still standing in the doorway, feet planted wide like the conquering hero she was.

"Well? What do you think?" Lorelai prompted, peering over Rory's shoulder.

"You're letting the cold air in!" Luke growled. "Stop keepin' my door open. You're either in or you're out; pick one."

"Oh! Sorry, Luke," Rory grinned, letting her mother past so they could shut the door. She got to see his beloved, crotchety face at home now too, but it just wasn't the same as being yelled at from behind the counter.

"Well?" Lorelai asked impatiently.

Rory inhaled, and then waited. Nothing happened. "I think..." she began cautiously, "I think I'm ok! I think we can finally do this!"

"Oh, thank God!" Lorelai sighed dramatically. "So, what'll it be, kid? Table? Counter? Hurry!"

"Good grief! Are you trying to prepare me for raising a toddler? Ummm, counter!"

"Yay!" Lorelai squealed, then rushed over to claim two stools. Rory gingerly maneuvered herself up onto a seat.

"What can I get ya?" Luke beamed. "Boy, is it good to see you here, Rory."

"It's good to be here! I missed it! I'll have hot chocolate to start with…"

"I raided Taylor's sweet shoppe for peppermint sticks, just in case you ever felt up to comin' in…"

"Aww, you old softy, you!" Lorelai crooned.

"You're the best, Luke! Thank you so much! And I'll have, um… pancakes, please."

"How about a spinach omelette with Swiss cheese?"

"Ummm, that does seem like a very… healthy choice, yes, but you see, I don't know if my stomach can handle that right now? I'm pushing my luck coming here as it is."

"Yeah, Luke! The baby wants what it wants."

Rory nodded. "Yes. And right now, your future grandchild wants pancakes."

"Fine," Luke glared. "ButI'mmakin' you whole wheat pancakes and I'm putting blueberries in 'em."

"Sold! Ooh, and can you put some cinnamon in like last time? That was really good."

"You bet. And you?"

"Well, in deference to my lovely daughter here and her superhuman sense of smell, I'd better have pancakes too."

Luke sighed. "I'll get them started for you."

"I love you, honey!" Lorelai yelled at his retreating back. She grinned for a moment, before turning back to Rory. "Sooo, my little Russian doll-" She was interrupted by her cellphone ringing. "Dang it!"

"Out," barked Luke, returning with Rory's hot chocolate.

"But I'm your wife! What's mine is yours, what's yours is mine! So, technically, this diner is-"

"Out!"

"Fine!" she pouted. "Don't pour my coffee until I'm back!" she said, putting her phone to her ear while scooting out the door.

Rory looked on, smiling in amusement and serenely sipping her hot chocolate.

"So, I talked to Jess this morning," Luke smiled, leaning in conspiratorially.

Rory's head snapped up. "Oh yeah?"

For years, they had been doing this. Lorelai left the room, and Luke would give Rory an update on Jess. It had started after the car accident in highschool, when they had bonded over being the only two people in Stars Hollow who loved him, but he had become a taboo subject after Jess ran away to California. Luke had started to give her updates again after he saw her at Truncheon's open house, assuming they were friends again. Rory didn't have the heart to tell Luke that she had ruined it, and it had become her way of making sure Jess was ok, even when she felt like she'd lost the right to contact him herself. Things had been better between them in more recent years, but Rory and Luke still bonded over the "news from Jess."

"So, what's he been up to?" she asked, stirring her cocoa in what she hoped was a casual manner.

"Well, work seems to be going good as usual, but apparently Mr. Antisocial had a date last night," Luke chuckled.

Rory froze. So this was it. He really was over her. "Yeah?" she replied unsteadily, attempting to smile.

"Yeah. He normally doesn't get out much, you know, but he's been doing so well lately, I'd love to see him settle down with some nice girl, finally. Now that he's, you know, fit for human consumption," Luke drawled slyly, obviously thrilled by the idea.

"Well, that's great," Rory said weakly. She suddenly felt her nausea returning in full force.

"I'm back!" Lorelai trilled, coming back inside. Luke gave Rory a wink, and then left to check on their breakfasts, completely oblivious to the havoc he had just wreaked.

"So sorry about that. There was a crisis at the inn and- Rory! Honey, are you ok? You look really pale..."

Rory felt dizzy. Her hands were shaking. "Um, I'm not feeling so great. I guess I'm not ready for this after all."

"Aw, sweets! Do you want to take the food home with you?"

"I… can't be here any longer. I've completely lost my appetite anyway, so… I'm just going to go home. I'm sorry, Mom."

"Don't apologize. We'll come back another time! Let's get you home!"

"No! No, you should stay. Enjoy your breakfast. I think I just want to be alone right now, and the fresh air will probably help, anyway."

"Well, ok, if you're sure…"

"I'm sure. Love you, Mom."

Rory took great gulps of air as she made her way down the street. Calm, stay calm. She only had to hold it together for a few more minutes, until she reached the house. Then she could be alone.

It seemed to take hours to make it to the Crap Shack, but she finally closed the door and leaned against it, breathing shakily. Jess went on a date last night. Rory crumpled, hiding her face in her hands as the tears started to fall freely. She knew this would happen someday, but she found she wasn't prepared. It had been about a month since she'd realized she loved him. A month of trying to grapple with her feelings face to face. The wallowing had been cathartic, but clearly she wasn't over him yet, hadn't really let go of the idea of them, together. That niggling what if... what if they someday got the timing right, what if he wasn't really as "over it" as he claimed to be, what if she got herself together and could manage to once again become that girl he had fallen in love with? But now? This was it. It was done. She was pregnant with her newly wedded ex-boyfriend's secret love child, and Jess was moving on with someone else. No doubt someone who deserved him more, someone successful and kind and beautiful, who came with a lot less baggage. She couldn't blame him. And she wanted him to be happy; he deserved to be happy. But, oh, it hurt so much. If it were simply that she wanted him and couldn't have him, that would have been one thing, but the knowledge that he had once wanted her just as much… It added a level of torment that mere unrequited love couldn't match.

But what could she do? She had to let him go and get on with her life. She would soon have a son to raise and care for. She decided to focus on that, and threw herself into researching car seats, safety regulations, and statistics.

About half an hour into this, she heard the mail arrive and got up to check the mailbox. Opening it, she pulled her hand back as if scalded when she found a thick manila envelope stuffed inside, containing Jess's markups on her latest chapter. Rory felt a strong urge to ask if this day could possibly get any worse, but that seemed too much like tempting fate. If it had been any other chapter, or any other day, the same sight would have been met with a pounding heart and a flutter of excitement. But not today. This was the chapter that covered her affair with Dean and her fall from grace. And to receive it today, of all days! Why had she even sent it to Jess in the first place? Some misguided impulse towards "honesty," probably.

"Well, this is great, just great," she muttered bitterly to herself as she tore open the envelope. She dreaded seeing what he had to say. And boy, he did not disappoint.

There were a few scathing comments about Dean. Next to a passage where she described learning about Dean's engagement, Jess had scribbled: So, he f-ing proposes to his rebound girlfriend the day after he gets into an all-out brawl with me over you? What an a-hole. He didn't give himself a free pass, either, expressing regret and embarrassment about making things harder for her.

But when she related the events surrounding the beginning of the affair and her fight with her mom, Jess got personal. Looks like I'm not the only one with Gatsby issues… "Can't repeat the past? Why of course you can!" But it doesn't work that way, does it?

Rory was livid. Alright, yes, she had made a terrible decision, but what right did Jess Mariano have telling her what a mess she was at nineteen? As if he was one to talk! Running away from her, blurting out I love you, and then driving away from her… Freaking dropping in completely out of the blue, telling her to throw away her entire life and run off with him because he was supposedly "dependable" now…

Perhaps she should have stopped to consider that she was already upset, and that her elevated hormone levels often caused swings towards the irritable and irrational… but she didn't. She grabbed her phone and furiously pressed Jess's name in her contacts.

"Hello?"

Dang it. Just hearing him speak sent a thrill down her spine. The low, husky cadence of his voice in her ear had an intimate quality that made her think of things she definitely shouldn't be thinking about. Her frustration made her even angrier.

"Jess. Hi. It's Rory."

"So the caller ID told me. What's up, Rory?"

"What is up?" she repeated fiercely, "I'll tell you what's up. I got your edits in the mail today."

"Ah."

"Yes. And I have to say, Jess, you have got a lot of nerve, making some of those comments. I don't recall asking for your opinion on my personal life!"

"Huh. See, the way I remember it, you asked me for my feedback on your memoirs, so… you kinda did."

She was in no mood for his attitude right now!

"How dare you! And to criticize Dean like that! As if you were a saint in all this."

"Never said I was…"

"It's been fifteen years, Jess! You can't seriously still be jealous of Dean, can you?" she asked snidely, and part of her hoped he was.

Jess laughed humorlessly. "Yes, because what other possible reason could I have for criticizing him. You know, I'd like to think I've matured enough to admit I understand what you saw in him. He always called when he said he would and was always available when you needed him and got along with your mother… I can admit he was a hell of a lot better at those things than I was. But that doesn't... You know what? In a way, maybe I am jealous of Dean. I can work my a- off, trying to be a better person, to be the sort of man you and Luke could be proud of, but I'll never be seen as anything but my worst self. Nothing I can do will make anyone see me any differently, but Dean? Dean can yell at you and publicly humiliate you, not once, but twice, and f-ing cheat on his wife and make you the "other woman" while he takes your virginity, and he gets immortalized as wholesome and sweet and the perfect boyfriend. Jeez, what is the deal with this guy? Did he put some kind of mind-control drug into all those water bottles he oh-so-selflessly changed for you and your mom? 'Cause that's the only rational explanation I can come up with right now."

He was really angry, and she hadn't expected that. She felt her control over their argument slipping through her fingers and felt a rising sense of panic.

"Jess…"

"Whatever, Rory. You know, I'm starting to think this was a mistake, agreeing to do this with you. It's just dragging up too much sh-."

Rory's heart stopped. "What are you saying?" she asked breathlessly. She was losing him.

"I don't know. I just… We're fighting about Dean, Rory. This is ridiculous."

"You're right. You are," she backtracked desperately. "I'm... I'm sorry. I'm having a really bad day and I took it out on you. I was already feeling really crappy, and then you were throwing all my past mistakes back at me..."

Jess sighed heavily. "I'm not... judging you, ok? That's not what this is. I'm not claiming to have any kind of moral high ground. I just… Look. We're friends, right?"

"Right."

"Well, friends call each other on their sh-, Rory. I know my life has been infinitely better because you called me on mine. Remember that you listed me getting you back to Yale as one of my good points? I seem to recall that mainly involved me asking you what the hell you were doing…"

"Ok, fine, but do you really need to call me out on something that happened fifteen years ago? I already knew it was a mistake! There is nothing I can do about it now!"

"I know. I'm just… I'm worried about you, Rory. Because you just did it again."

"What are you talking about?"

"Logan? You've had a rough year, I know, but… Then I'm readin' this and… It's getting to be a pattern, Rory, and you can't keep doing this. You have a rough year, you feel bad about yourself, and then you seek comfort in the arms of someone who once loved you, current relationships be damned."

Rory was speechless. He was right. "Oh my G-," she said distantly.

"Yeah. And I care about you, Rory. You don't wanna be like this! It's not who you are."

"Maybe it is. Maybe this is who I am." And there it was. What she feared so much that she'd been unable to say it out loud until now.

"Rory…"

"No, it is!" The wound was gushing now, and she was unable to stop it. "You're right, I keep doing this, over and over again! And what if this is just who I am? I'm this terrible, selfish person who just bulldozes over people to get what I want!"

"But you're more than that! You can be more than that!" Jess was audibly distressed, vehement. She heard him take a deep breath. "Do you… ok, I know this is bringing up bad memories, but did you know that I followed my dad out to California when I left Stars Hollow?"

"Yes," she said softly. "Yes, I heard that's where you went."

"Yeah, well… My father left me before I even came home from the hospital. The thought of being a father scared him, so he just… ran away. F-ing coward. But see, I was finally getting to know him for the first time, and it hit me: I was exactly like him. He... moved like me, talked like me… listened to the same music… It was uncanny. And I hated it. I hated knowing that I had run out on you the same way he ran out on me. And I thought, is this it? Am I just destined to be a complete loser for the rest of my life, like both of my parents were losers?"

"But you're not, Jess! You're not like your father at all!"

"Thanks. But I was. And that's my point. I had to decide that I wasn't going to end up like him. You get to decide who you're gonna be; it's not some inescapable destiny. I decided that if I was going to follow after anybody, I would rather be like Luke. God knows, he's been more of a father to me than Jimmy, all of Liz's husbands and endless boyfriends put together."

"Jess…"

"What I mean is, you have a choice, Rory. I mean, are you happy right now?"

"No, no I'm not. I hate being like this. I don't want to be like this."

"Then you don't have to be. But you've gotta face the hard facts first. You've always had a bit of a Cleopatra thing goin'..." he teased gently.

"Ha ha."

"Have you ever thought about counseling?"

She felt immediately defensive. "Oh, great. So you think I'm crazy, too!"

"That's not what I said; don't put words in my mouth. It's just… sometimes it can be helpful to have a neutral third party to talk through things with. Sometimes they notice things you wouldn't notice yourself. And when you keep making the same mistakes, usually there's some sort of underlying reason why… It can be helpful to figure that out so you can deal with it."

"I guess that's true…"

"Didn't your mom go to therapy this year?"

"Yeah."

"And did she find it helpful at all?"

"I guess so…"

"Well, there you go. And… I've done some, too. I had… have? a lot of issues, Rory. A lot of issues. I'd like to think I've gotten past most of them…"

"You have! You definitely have."

"Thanks. Thank you. But I didn't do it alone, understand? There's no rule saying you have to do it alone. It doesn't make you weak, Rory, just human."

"Yeah, I get it. You know, I did see a therapist for a while after I went back to Yale."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I didn't like him very much, though."

"That happens. But you're not in college anymore. If you don't like someone, you can go find someone else."

"That's true… Well, I guess I'll think about it, then."

"Good. I… I just want you to be happy, Rory."

"I know. You're a good friend, Jess."

"Well, at least I can be a better friend than a boyfriend, huh?" he said wryly.

"Jess… I just want you to know, what you said earlier? About people never seeing you differently no matter what you do? It's not true. Not for me, anyway."

"Huh. Well… thanks, Rory. I appreciate it. I think your mom's a lost cause, though."

"I've been working on it! I tried to tell her how much you've changed!"

"That's nice of you. But good luck with that. Your mom's like Mr. Darcy."

Rory sputtered with laughter. "I'msorry, What?"

"You know… 'My good opinion once lost, is lost forever.' That pretty much sums up my relationship with your mother in one sentence."

"Ha! You know, I know someone else who's a lot like Mr. Darcy…" Rory teased.

"Oh, man," Jess groaned, seeming to guess where she was going with this.

"Yeah, he's so dark and handsome and brooding..."

"Oh, and fabulously wealthy, too," he drawled sarcastically. "Can't forget that… Oh, wait… that was your other ex-boyfriend."

"Yes, and he's rude and makes really awful proposals…"

"Oh jeez."

"But then he sees the error of his ways and fixes everything for everybody and becomes so wonderful that she just can't help falling in love with him…"

Silence.

Crap. Crap crap crap! Rory scrambled for a change of subject.

"Um, so how was your date?"

"What?" Jess seemed bewildered.

"Luke told me you had a date last night."

"Jeez, I might as well have told East Side Tilly," he muttered in annoyance.

"Have you known her long?"

Jess seemed uncomfortable. "I guess. She's been coming into the bookstore for a couple years. Got good taste in literature… and she's a hospice nurse, so we've had some interesting conversations about life and death and stuff. She likes the Russians."

"Makes sense. Wow. A hospice nurse. That's amazing. She must be a really kind and selfless person to do something like that." Unlike me, Rory thought miserably. It looked like Jess had really traded up.

"Yeah. You'd have to be, I guess."

"Right. What's her name?"

"Her name's Sylvia."

"Sylvia, wow. Is she pretty? I bet she's pretty."

"Yeah. Yeah, she's pretty."

"So how was it? Your date with Sylvia, the Hospice Nurse?"

"It was fine," Jess said stiffly.

"Are you going to see her again?"

"I don't know," he mumbled after a pause. "Maybe."

"Well. Good," Rory choked out, holding back tears. "She sounds really, really great. I hope that works out for you. And that you'll be really happy. You deserve to be happy, Jess," she said earnestly. "You deserve to be with someone who's beautiful and kind and... has her life together. I wish you all the best."

She hung up and cried. She was so sick of crying.

After she'd finally calmed down, she opened her door to get a glass of water. And something to eat (that lack of breakfast was really catching up to her)...

"Hey, babe! You feeling better?" her mom called from the living room.

"I need food!" Rory yelled back.

"Ok! Well, while you're eating it, do you want to watch a movie?"

"Sure!" Rory answered. A distraction. That would be good. She microwaved the pancakes her mom had brought home from Luke's (a good idea after all) and waddled down the hall. "So, what are we watching?"

"Well, I was kind of in the mood for 'the Great Gatsby' today. You know, I can enjoy the fact that Leonardo DiCaprio finally looks like a grown man, and you can enjoy telling me how 50 Cent really captures the decadence of the Lost Generation…"

Rory let out a string of very unladylike words and went right back to the kitchen.

"Rory!" Lorelai gasped and scrambled after her daughter. "What is it? Did I say something?"

"Gatsby, Mom. Really?"

"I thought you liked that movie!"

"I've just been having a really bad day... and I just had a fight with Jess."

"Oh. Ohhhhhh. That whole 'long-lost love and pining' thing, huh?"

"That's part of it, I guess, but mostly it's that Jess says I have 'Gatsby issues.'" She made giant quote marks in the air with her fingers.

"That little jerk! You have Gatsby issues? When he's the one who-"

"Mom! Not done yet!"

"Ok, fine, shutting up, listening."

"Can we move back to the couch first? My back hurts and I'm starving."

"Of course! Come, come!"

They sat down, and Rory scarfed down about half of her pancakes before starting again. "Ok, so, today I got back his edits for one of my chapters, and, um… it was about the end of my freshman year of college… with the whole Dean and Lindsay fiasco."

"Oooh." Lorelai winced sympathetically.

"Yeah. And he commented that I have issues with trying to repeat the past, like Gatsby. I was so mad… I called him up to yell at him, but we talked and… He's right, Mom. When I'm feeling lost and alone, I keep trying to go back in time to when I felt better about myself."

"Huh."

"I was having such a terrible time my freshman year, and Dean was so nice to me… and I wished I had stayed with him instead of being with Jess. I think I was trying to erase Jess from my life, like he'd never happened."

"Oh, honey."

"But you can't do that. There are no do-overs."

"No, there aren't."

"And with Logan, I was feeling so lost when Grandpa died, and I wasn't really enjoying journalism anymore… and Logan made me feel like life was an adventure, made me feel like that girl who knew what she wanted. And I get so wrapped up in my fantasy world that I ignore the people like Lindsay and Odette who are standing in the way of what I want. It's like I just… pretend they don't exist. G-, I'm so horrible!"

"Honey, you are not horrible."

"Mom! Don't try to make me feel better about this! Just be honest with me! Do you really think this is ok?!"

"Fine! No! It's not ok! I've been really worried about you! It's like I've been watching you self-destruct this past year, and I didn't know what to do about it. You don't always take criticism well, babe."

"I know. The only one who seems to be able to get through to me when I'm like this is Jess. I don't know why, he just… understands me. Really really well."

"Huh. Well, good for him, then."

"You're right, though. I've been spiraling, and I don't know how to stop. I've been thinking about, maybe, getting some help. Maybe some therapy or something. What do you think?"

"I think… it's really hard for us to ask for help. Maybe especially you. We like to think of ourselves as strong, independent women, and we are! But you know, everybody needs help sometimes, and maybe it doesn't make you weak… maybe it's just part of being human."

Rory shook her head in disbelief. "There you go again. You and Jess are like two peas in a pod."

"Shut. Up! Again?!"

"Two minds with but a single thought!" Rory teased.

"Ugh, that's so weird. I don't know how I feel about it."

"Mom... I just thought of something."

"What is it, sweets?"

"Do you think I'm doing the same thing with Jess? Oh my G-, what if I am? It fits the pattern! My life is spinning out of control and I'm trying to go back to some past love when I liked myself and relive some golden age!"

"You and Jess had a golden age?"

"Mom! Am I Gatsby-ing?"

"Hmm. Well... do you want to relive the past with Jess?"

"Well… no, not really. Our past kinda sucked, actually."

"Uh-huh... and who do you like better: imaginary Nostalgia Jess, or Jess as he is now, in real life?"

A slow, smitten smile blossomed across Rory's face. "Oh, now," she breathed.

"Ugh. Do you think morning sickness is contagious? 'Cause I'm suddenly feeling like I gotta hurl."

Rory shoved her mom, face bright pink. "Shut up!"

"I don't know, hon. I think maybe this is one of those things where you've just got to give it time. Wait and see."

"Yeah, I guess. Wait a second, what am I saying? There is no waiting and seeing! Ugh! How could I forget?! I'm the worst. The literal worst."

"Honey, what are you talking about?"

"Jess had a date last night. He went out with someone else. Her name is Sylvia and she's perfect."

"Oh, Rory!"

"Yeah. Luke told me this morning. I confirmed the details later."

"Oh, sweetie! You have been having a bad day!"

"Yeah. I have. I really really have. But I'm going to let this be. I have to! I'm not going to put myself in this position again! Mom?"

"Rory?"

"I need you to hold me to this! I'm done burying my head in the sand! I'm facing facts. I… am in love with Jess. But I need to leave him alone. Stay away! And I need you to remind me. Hold me back! Rope me to the mast like Odysseus if you have to!"

"So, Jess is an irresistible Siren, got it."

"Mom, I'm serious! I'm trying to do the right thing, here!"

"Ok, I'll be serious too. I promise, babe. If you forget, I'll remind you."

"Thanks."

"You know… I'm really proud of you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It's hard to admit when you've made mistakes, and it's even harder to try to fix them. And admitting you might need help getting there is a huge thing."

"I owe that to Jess," Rory said unsteadily. Her eyes filled with tears. "Mom? Do you think it's ok for me to say that I'm really disappointed about this?"

"Oh, honey! Of course it is! We're being honest about our feelings now, remember?"

"Yeah. Well, I… I know that I said I wasn't expecting anything to happen, and that it's not a good time for it anyway, but the truth is… I still hoped… I still hoped that someday I could be with him." Rory broke down crying, and Lorelai took her in her arms.

"Shhhh. Shhhh, it'll be alright," she whispered, rubbing her daughter's back tenderly.

She wanted to tell her that things could still change, that one date did not a serious relationship make, and that she'd seen the way Jess had looked at her during the wedding… but she had made a promise to her daughter. And she intended to keep it.

Poor Rory has been crying so much in this fic! Though she IS pregnant... I mean, when I was pregnant, I cried because I was listening to the "Lion King" sound track while washing dishes... I think I can safely promise that this will be the last chapter that ends with her in tears, though! I would love to hear what you thought of this chapter!