Chapter 12. November εуλ0001- July εуλ0002

Zack held the Buster Sword in his hands, considering. My dreams… my honor.

Had Angeal found those things in the end?

He fingered his scar unconsciously, the reminder he'd chosen to keep, there every day to remind him of what to value and what not to forget.

He understood now. The burden was his to shoulder now, and its weight was more than the sword itself ever could be.

It was time to take up the responsibility that came with it. There came a time, he mused, when the student could no longer learn from the teacher, and had to strike out on his own. He didn't know if he was ready, but…

Well. No buts. He simply had to be.

As he rose to go, he caught sight of his new haircut, impulsively adjusting it. What a stupid thing to care about at a time like this… but he did, anyway. Aerith said it would take some getting used to, giggling slightly, and truthfully he felt the same. It made him seem more – severe – somehow, harsher. More of what he felt inside.

It bolstered him as he prepared to go face the troops.

Cloud watched as Zack entered the room. He's changed his hair, Cloud noticed. I wonder why? Perhaps unconscious imitation of Angeal? Whatever the reason, it made his face somehow more… angular. Older, somehow. Or was that just the way Zack carried himself? Cloud had only just met the man, but even so, he could tell the difference. It was one of… presence.

Had Cloud actually thought Zack cavalier, flippant? Now, seeing him in front of the massed troops as their commander, Cloud revised his opinion. He hadn't known Genesis, or Angeal; he certainly hadn't met Sephiroth like he had hoped. But Zack…. Now THIS was what being a SOLDIER was meant to be. Zack was Cloud's consummate picture of a hero.

He fingered the PHS number the other man had given him. Perhaps he could send a text, at least. Maybe Zack was something he could aspire to…

Angeal was gone, and there was nothing Zack could do to take that back . The scar was there to remind him of that every day.

But things always changed. Angeal had knocked him down to the church, and he'd met Aerith. Angeal had died on the same day Cloud came into his life.

The younger man was an effective antidote to all the baggage that was piling up on Zack. Despite the contrast of personalities, Zack saw so much of his younger self in Cloud, an idealistic young man still so full of hopes and dreams.

He was slowly starting to remember those. The difference was, he silently resolved to meet those on his own terms this time. He hoped he could nurture Cloud's dreams, encourage them, pass some hope forward to replace the ones he'd left behind.

Zack was thrust into an awkward conjunction – part role model, part friend, and the difference was a minute-by-minute adjustment sometimes. A hair's breadth between presenting as SOLDIER and just being a guy hanging out with a buddy. The more they hung out, the more Cloud's outlook improved – and the more Zack wondered. Why was Cloud so poorly connected to others when he was such a nice guy?

And how on Gaia could the guy be so clueless about girls?

"So, when are you going to find a girlfriend too? I can't hang out with you all the time, you know," Zack teased him one day.

To his surprise, Cloud blushed beet red. "Well, uh.. I haven't really… that is…"

No way. Cloud couldn't be. "You do know what to DO with a woman, right?"

"Of course," Cloud replied. "You play with her boobs for a while, and then you pound her."

Zack guffawed, slapping his palm on the table for emphasis. "That's… just… RICH, Spike. That's what you plan to do?"

Cloud sniffed, miffed at the assessment of his yet-unattained prowess. "I need to make sure she comes. Like, really really hard."

"That's a great way to make sure she never comes BACK. Like, really really never," Zack forced out, gasping for breath and tears running down his cheeks. "Where did you hear all that, anyway?"

"The guys in the barracks," Cloud replied primly.

Zack groaned. "Well, there, that's your problem, buddy. You listened to GUYS. Guys don't know a damn thing. They try to treat a girl like she works the same as them. See, here's the thing." Zack waved a fork in the air for emphasis. "Girls are a lot more… complicated. And they are all different from each other, too. So you have to find out what THEY like. Not what some other clueless guy thinks they like. I mean… you DO want to know what you are doing when you find a special girl, right? Issss…. There a special girl?"

The expression on Cloud's face told Zack he had hit his mark. But Cloud was so clearly insecure; he wondered who this girl was. She'd be stupid if she didn't snap Cloud up... but Cloud genuinely did not seem to understand that girls liked nice guys.

Cloud deflated. Here he thought he was ready to go, and now to find out he didn't know anything… "So how do YOU know so well?" he asked Zack. "I mean, you're a GUY too, huh?"

Zack laughed. "What do you think? I learned from actual WOMEN. Practice makes perfect. You need some practice."

"Isn't that kind of… I dunno… disrespectful?" Cloud asked.

Zack sighed. He sure had his work cut out for him. "Look, Cloud, loving a woman physically doesn't mean you don't respect her. It's not an either/or thing."

Cloud mulled over that. "So, how am I supposed to find that kind of practice?"

"Well a lot of the troops just go to hookers." The shocked looked on Cloud's face was totally worth it. "I'm just kidding, Spike. You don't need to pay for it. We just need to find you a nice older girl to show you a thing or two."

"My mom used to tell me she thought I should have an older girlfriend," Cloud volunteered.

"I don't think this is what your mom had in mind." Zack winked.

And to his surprise, that very night, Cloud found himself in the company of a woman ten years older, a secretary at Shinra. Blonde, pretty if not memorable, but kind, more than willing to open Cloud's eyes to some things he hadn't known before….

Zack Fair was the most tender of lovers.

She'd been nervous the first time, not embarrassed or ashamed, just unsure about what happened next. But he touched her with the assurance of experience, settling into her a feeling of relief; he initiated her easily, painlessly, making it easy for her to welcome his embrace all the times after.

She relished the feeling of their bodies lying naked together, his muscles solid and strong as he enveloped her in his embrace. Warm lips, lavishing attention on her sensitive nipples; strong hands, so different from the ways she had touched herself. He'd slide his hand between her legs, tickling her with easy strokes, making her body sing in automatic response.

He'd whisper to her to relax, enjoy… and in his hands, she could. He'd work her gently until her folds were dewy-most, and then…. Sometimes he lowered himself down with a little-boy grin, greedily lapping up her juices, centering attention on her clit as she cried out, he extracting more and more for his tasting pleasure. Other times he'd lay her back, spreading her legs as he took his weight on his hands. He entered her still-tight opening with the greatest of consideration, until after a few times, she found herself urging on harder, faster, deeper, relishing the feeling of him stretching her, widening her.

He held back the first few times too, giving her time to get used to lovemaking, to the feeling of having him inside of her. She learned her responses quickly enough, and now she came easily with him, whether he used his fingers, tongue, or cock; and every time she found herself crying his name once again, he'd look at her with utmost love as he let himself release as well, bringing them both down from the peak with kisses as they slid away with limbs still entangled, tumbling together towards sleep.

Another memory gone bad. The Icicle Inn mission, attacked by AVALNCHE forces, two more SOLDIERs lost to the rebels, their minds stolen before they met their demise.

While Zack looked at the swords, the last memorial of SOLDIERSs Essai and Sebastian, Tseng examined Zack Fair.

He knew everything, of course. Had known just about as soon as it happened, Zack rushing away from the fiasco of Modeoheim and into his beloved's arms.

Internally, Tseng had put as reluctant stamp of approval on the relationship. Whatever else he might think of the situation, Zack made her happy. And for that, Tseng was grateful.

"Dammit, Tseng, they were my friends." Zack shook his fist in ager.

Zack was nothing if not genuine, and it was real tears that were threatening to spill out of his eyes now, as easily as those tears for Angeal had spilled into Aerith's arms.

"I thought you met them only once before?" inquired Tseng.

Zack turned to look at him, firm resolve on his face. "Once is more than enough for loyalty, Tseng." His eyes said, don't know if the Turks know that.

In a way, Tseng DIDN'T. He'd had to learn never to trust, while Zack gave his heart freely.

A good match for Aerith, really.

He really hoped they had a chance.

The snow gently falling over Icicle Inn couldn't help but take Zack back to Modeoheim those months before. Another time, another friend he couldn't save. He kept fighting so hard to hang onto what mattered. Why did he keep losing?

He thought with horror of the fate he'd narrowly avoided. Three capsules, the last clearly intended for HIM. Crumpled bodies emptied of the souls that had been his friends. AVALANCHE had clearly been expecting him. To corrupt him into one of their monsters. Was that all anyone saw him as? Did the mako in his veins make him nothing more than a monster?

He'd never accept that. Whatever else happened, he would live and die a man, the images from his heart giving him strength. So few of those remained. Sephiroth. Cissnei. Cloud. Kunsel.

Tseng.

Turk or no, he trusted the man, wondering about his murky relationship to Aerith, and hoping that trust was not misplaced.

And Aerith above it all, Aerith filling his heart…

He wanted, needed to be with her now.

He reached out and touched the sword hilts softly, reverently. "Sleep well, guys," he told them. "I'll come visit soon."

Tseng waited silently behind. "Come on," Zack gestured, trying to keep the defeat out of his voice. "Let's go back home."

Her arms welcomed him back with all the sweetness he'd come to associate with her, his refuge in a crazy world.

Zack found that he absolutely LOVED making love to Aerith, and for the first time, it really was that, making love. He didn't want to be too rough with her, but she was no fragile flower either – uninhibited. Enthusiastic. He had trouble finding the word for it, but finally he did – natural.

She was just so fundamentally erotic to him; he couldn't even try to compare her to the other women he'd been with. He couldn't. Aerith was so achingly feminine, that every part of her excited him further.

And watching her orgasm… was just about the prettiest thing he had ever seen.

It was easy. Normal. He found that he practically fell into sex with her as easily as he had fallen into her church and her life. He undressed her like petals falling away, dress sliding off her skin to the ground, his hot skin touching hers, lips traveling over her body, stopping to visit at her nipples, trailing down between her legs. And she'd return the favor with laughing playfulness, her silky fingers caressing his cock while he ran his fingers through her lustrous hair.

He took the time to learn her responses, fingertips tracing over every inch of skin, noting the ways to please her best.

She took him by surprise one day when she took him into her mouth, her motions delicate, awkward at first, but she figured it out soon enough, and Zack relished the sight and feeling, the fact that she was willing to love him that way.

They made love always at the church.

They spent the nights there, Zack wondering how much Elmyra really knew. She certainly didn't fear for Aerith's safety; as if the church was somehow a protected space, Perhaps it was. Zack knew he always slept well there, and whether it was the church itself or the company he kept, he never was able to determine.

It wasn't the strangest place to meet with a woman. He shortly became accustomed to bringing a bedroll, water, food. They'd laugh and talk together, touching, kissing, and Zack would find himself sweetly parting her legs to slide inside her canal, her insides stretching to accommodate him, now comfortably familiar with his organ. He worried sometimes, he on top of her and she so much smaller than him, but when he left her sighing in pleasure below, her lost his fear.

She seemed so fragile, but it was deceptive. He feared crushing her under his heavy body, but she curled around him softly, naturally. Accepting him into her soft moist insides, welcoming him with her warmth; her small pert breasts pushing against his chest, nipples brushing his own as she urged him closer, closer until his head spun, not knowing where he ended and she began, his every sense full of her. Her fragrant scent, lingering on his lips as he slid down to the earthier aroma between her legs, she filling his nostrils as he lapped up her juices eagerly, accompanied by the music of her sweet high-pitched cries. He remembered the first time he had brought her to orgasm with his mouth, her voice free and loose echoing off the rafters of a church that seemed to itself sing his praises.

Easier was when she rode him and he could love her fearlessly, recklessly, gripping her little round ass as he bucked into her. Her unleashed bronzed hair catching the rays of sun as it streaked down her back, her head thrown back, breasts jutting forward. She ground herself fearlessly, seeking the pleasure of the friction of his body against her clit. He'd hold back painfully, the suffering worth it when her cries hit that pitch, she squeezing out her juices onto him as he gave back inside of her.

And then they'd be together, he holding her tiny resilient form, soaked in their intermingled fluids, and Zack thought he had never felt so loving or so happy.

"I've got a surprise for you today, Spike," were Zack's first words to him.

"Oh?" Cloud wasn't exactly… suspicious… of Zack's "surprises". Then again, he wasn't exactly not.

The last time Zack had sprung a "surprise" on him, he'd ended up with an earring. Oddly, he kind of liked it. Badass. He fingered it unconsciously.

Zack was the first person outside of his mother to truly value him. Tifa, he thought, then wondered if that was true. He couldn't be sure. But Zack he could be sure of – the other man had taken care of him in more ways than one… rowdy taverns, the girls flocking to him, and he brushing them off with a charismatic smile, "Thanks ladies, but I have a girlfriend, but have you met my friend Cloud?"

Zack was the one responsible for his grand total of four sexual experiences. Two blondes, one dark-skinned Costan, and a Wutain. Still, he dreamed of long brown hair and cinnamon-spice eyes.

But Zack had certainly been right about one thing. At least now he'd know what the hell he was doing.

"It's a birthday present!" Zack cheerily announced.

"Zack," Cloud began, "my birthday is in August. It's March right now."

"I didn't know you in August," Zack reminded him. "So it counts. Let's go."

Cloud started to get nervous when he realized they were heading for the off-campus transport. "Zack," he asked, "are you sure I'm not going to get in trouble for this? I don't have a pass to leave."

"You really think I didn't think of that?" Zack replied. He pulled a sliver of plastic out of his pocket and waved it under Cloud's nose. "It's really not a problem for a First Class, if they want to check out a cadet. You know, like a library book." He laughed. "As far as anyone else knows, you're on a monster cleanout mission with me today. Routine stuff. Boring."

Cloud felt certain that whatever Zack was up to, it wasn't going to be boring.

To his surprise, it was a ways out of Midgar they were going, a track that was definitely too large to fit on the plate, and most likely the slums as well. But the real surprise was…

"Motorcycles?" he asked, suddenly delighted. "That's what you've been planning?"

"Naturally." Zack smirked with self-satisfaction. "I need some practice in, and you, buddy, are going to learn, since they don't teach the grunts." He poked Cloud in the chest. "This'll help you get over that motion sickness. No getting sick on a bike! You'll be too fucking terrified."

Cloud was… touched, to say the least. Just when you were ready to dismiss Zack as a big-hearted lug, he'd do something so incredibly thoughtful like this. That girlfriend of his must be a really lucky woman.

He wondered if he'd ever get to meet her.

As soon as he got on the bike, he knew. It was the same feeling he'd had when he first picked up a sword all those months ago. It just felt… right to him, and after some cursory instructions from the instructor, he was off.

The day flew by, he and Zack goofing off, chasing each other, racing, stopping and starting, occasionally wiping out. Cloud found himself laughing, carefree. A way he hadn't felt in a very long time.

Perhaps never.

"They're sending me on leave," Zack began.

"Another mission?" Aerith asked, worried. "Where to this time?"

"No, not a mission. I wish. Leave, forced leave." Zack laughed bitterly. "I don't know why. They haven't sent me on any important missions in a while. I don't know if they think I'm kind of a liability or something. No, this is kind of like a forced vacation. They're sending me to Costa del Sol for a while. A month or so. Until they call me back."

"Oh." Aerith only looked thoughtful, one finger to her chin. It filled Zack with regret. She puts up with so much from me, always having to leave her at the beck and call of Shinra. He wasn't planning to leave Shinra – hell, he wasn't sure if he COULD. He'd never heard of any SOLDIERs actually quitting - maybe it wasn't allowed. But besides that, Shinra was the best opportunity he had – it had taken him so far from Gongaga, and with luck, further still.

But with even more luck, he'd be going in yet another direction soon. Aerith… I've been thinking about it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to ask…

"I wish you could go with me," he finished lamely. They both knew she couldn't – not on Shinra's dime, not with Shinra watching her. They wouldn't want to let her go far.

"I know," Aerith replied sadly.

"One day, I'll take you to see that sky. Like I always promised." And, he hoped, it would be with a greater promise along with it. Soon, Aerith. I'm First Class, not on par with Sephiroth – yet – but I'm getting somewhere. Sephiroth got away with doing whatever he wanted. Maybe then, when he was better situated – he could support her, he could protect her –

And then… Aerith… THEN, I'll ask you to marry me. When I am sure I can have you for keeps.

I hope you'll say yes…

Aerith couldn't read his mind, but she needed no Cetra abilities to see into his heart. The Mako-blue of his irises only made it far more clear to her. He was gazing at her with love, that sweet, gentle love that shone so pure for her. She could feel her own eyes sparkling in response.

Zack, I hope one day, Shinra won't be in control of both our lives… and then… perhaps we can have…

She didn't follow the thought to its logical conclusion, opting instead to throw her arms around him, pressing lips to his, signaling for him to take the lead. He did, gripping her firmly to him, just enough of that SOLDIER strength to let her know he was here, firm and safe, and for the moment, not letting her go.

She pulled him down, on top of her, his heavy, masculine body stretched over her, elbows to the ground to take off just enough weight. She didn't care. She wanted to feel his strength, covering her, enclosing her, making her feel safe, blocking out the world outside and all the things it wanted from her. Things she could not give.

Her hands were already fumbling above his waist, tugging at the emblem that held his leather harness in place. He hadn't removed the sword, and it fell to the dirt with a muffled THUMP; the flowers told her they didn't mind, no more than they minded being crushed underneath the couple. The earth knew her, knew him, and the flowers wouldn't resist, making way to bounce back later, allowing room for what they knew would happen, what the flowers had seen and heard so many times before.

She could feel his erection, already rock hard through his pants, and she wiggled her hips upward, teasing him, encouraging him forward. His response was quick, gripping her harder, switching to kiss down her neck, shoulder, nipping, sucking, at her tender skin, desperate to devour her whole if he could. Hands traveled over her arms and down her body, over her skirt, sliding back up her thigh, caressing long strokes over her skin.

"Tell me you want me," she whispered to him.

"You know I do," his words caressed her ears.

"Tell me," she urged. "I want to hear you say it."

Zack groaned. "I love you so much, Aerith," he told her. "I'll love you forever, if you let me." He drove in her for punctuation, and she cried out in surprise.

She grabbed his rear, pulling him to her, grinding herself against him in the way that made her come and him gasp in ecstasy. "Zack…" the words trailed off, sensation mounting towards their goal. "I love you too…" A squeak interrupted as he caught her oh so right there, and she knew she was getting close.

"Aerith," his breath ran ragged. "Aerithhhh…."

"Zack!" she cried back, the single syllable rhythmic with their coupling. "Zack, Zack, Zack, ZACK ZAACCCCKKK!"

She arched against him, and he let out a shout as she felt him empty inside her, her own contractions squeezing him, wringing every last drop of fluid out.

He collapsed forward, sweat dripping off his brow. "Wow, Aerith," he said, when breath slowed and coherency returned. "That was… really something."

She'd slumped back into the flowers, their own embrace an accompaniment to Zack's as strong arms pulled her near. A calm settled over her along with the aftershocks. "I don't know how long it will be before I see you again," she murmured into his shoulder. "I had to make this count."

He grinned, that wonderfully silly-stupid smile that had first stolen her heart. "That will keep me company for a while, for sure. But I'll be back soon enough… I don't want to be leaving you for this long." And with her warm and pliant beside him, he knew he had made his decision.

"I hope so," she replied; but she was already halfway to sleep. She let him gently stroke her hair, as she drifted away, wondering.

She hoped the Planet was right regarding what she was about to do…