Chapter 45. January 2 – January 7, εуλ0008
The Crater yawned before them. A scar on the Planet. Just as Sephiroth had said.
Cloud was no Cetra, but he hardly needed to be to feel it – energy so powerful that it was visible as a vibrant, shimmering green veil surrounding the caldera. As they took in its enormity, he could hear the cries of the Planet just as Aerith must have been able to, just as in Bugenhagen's machine, only ever louder here as the Planet groaned with the pain of its wound reopening once again.
And separate yet overlapping, he could sense... pushed or pulled, it no longer mattered. They would meet either way.
"Sephiroth," he said quietly.
And she was just there at his side, as if his thoughts had summoned her – she always so aware when he needed her near. The tenderness they had shared in Icicle Inn, he could still feel on his skin – he'd sought comfort in the physical, only to finally realize it wasn't what he needed at all.
He felt a squeeze on his arm. "Don't forget, Cloud," she told him gently. "I have things to settle with Sephiroth too. You're not alone in this."
Tifa meant those words more than she ever had before. The suffering inflicted on Cloud… hear heart ached in helplessness, leaving her craving revenge, and wondering if that would even give her any satisfaction.
She still didn't understand the how of Cloud's strange connection to Sephiroth, just the what.
In the end, did it even matter? They would have to confront the man, either way.
Sparks of energy flickered and whipped towards them, riding on the whirlwinds that ascended from the rocky outcrops below, as they trudged down the craggy slopes and foggy stiles to the center ahead. Reaching the a valley in between two upslopes, they looked ahead to see a line of the black-cloaked figures, as sinister and tragic as they had been in Nibelheim, shades of a greater ghost; they followed the winding path upwards, muttering about reunion… right before they threw themselves off the cliffs to the ground far below.
Tifa remembered the figures all too well, wondering fearfully if they might be people from their hometown, people they once had known. "I know, Tifa," Cloud said, reassuring her, obviously distraught;, "but you know there is nothing we can do about it. They're gone one way or another – " and as much as she hated to admit it, she knew he was right.
Rushing up the slope, a lone figure remained. "Our purpose is to deliver the Black Materia to our master," a dull, dead voice intoned, a longer sentence than any of the others had spoke. It turned its deep cowl in their direction, showing nothing of its face. "Those who carry Jenova's cells…" Cloud felt the strangest resonance at those words. Like something calling me. He leapt to catch the figure, but his arms closed on air as it, too, tumbled forward and down to the invisible bottom, leaving only the residue of its mysterious words.
A sparkle grabbed his eye, the object blending in at first with the rocks until the light glinted off it, and as he picked it up, he realized with surprise what it was. The Black Materia. The clone had been carrying it. The Sephiroth he had given it to at the Temple was…
"Not the real Sephiroth," Cloud mused aloud. "We haven't seen him yet." Jenova. The Reunion. It was all starting to make sense.
The group was incredulous; unfortunately, they'd seen and learned enough about Cloud and Sephiroth to know there was something of the truth in this. "What the hell ARE you talking about?" Barret demanded. "Who HAVE we been chasing all this time?
"It's… complicated." That was saying something. "For now, the important thing is that the Black Materia is back in our possession."
"Could it really be so easy?" asked Nanaki doubtfully.
In fact, Cloud was thinking much the same thing. Too easy. But as he weighed the Black Materia in his gloved palm once again, determination overcame doubt. Now we can confront Sephiroth, and be done with this whole mess… But hadn't he thought that at the Temple as well?
"Maybe… you should give it to someone else to hold?" Tifa suggested delicately. No need to remind anyone of the need for precaution; Cloud nodded without argument, scanning his companions for the one he could most trust with this task.
He settled on Nanaki. Aerith would have been ideal. She would probably know what to do with it, maybe even be able to tell him what he should do next. All the questions he wished she was there to ask.
Shaking his head, he brushed off regrets; they had a mission to accomplish. Nanaki was the next closest to the Planet itself. He could handle the Black Materia and its power.
Giving the Black Materia away, he ignored the uncanny sense of loss, wanting instead to put as much room as possible between himself and the thing. "We'll go ahead," he told the others, motioning to Tifa, unwilling as ever to let her out of his sight. More so, even, with Sephiroth so excruciatingly near. Tifa nodded, they leading as the rest trailed some distance behind.
They leapt over rocky crevasses, waiting for the winds that came and went with at least some sort of predictable rhythm. They made their way slowly, blindly, no way to go but forward, until finally, ahead past the next rocky rise, bright light ahead told them they were reaching some kind of destination.
They rushed toward that mysterious light… and suddenly it enveloped them.
To Cloud, the white dreamworld was by now a familiar feeling. Something about to happen, something just at the border of life and reality.
Tifa, however, had never experienced anything like this before; she looked around, terrified, unable to see anything but white, unable to sense or see anyone else. "Cloud? Where is everybody? What's going on?" she burst out.
Cloud heard hear, distant, part of him deep down told him to reach for her, but a hypnotic pull drew him away. When he spoke, the voice was only half his own. "Calm down, Tifa," he replied, soothing, but the words were mechanical. "Sephiroth is near. Anything could happen."
The white fizzled, and a pretend reality came into view.
"Just look," Cloud offered Tifa. "Don't be afraid." But she was afraid, so terribly afraid, as the gates of Nibelheim came into view…
Just as she'd remembered that day. Waiting for her SOLDIER to show up, and he never did. The two who did – Sephiroth, cold and indifferent, and the other one…
Zack. Easy laugh, winning charm. He'd been the one who had come to Nibelheim that day… not Cloud, no matter that Cloud had somehow conflagrated those events with his own memories, that Cloud had by some unknown force seen those events as if with his own eyes. But it didn't change the fact…
…he hadn't been there.
She was scared Cloud could hear her think.
Sephiroth certainly seemed to be able to. The blood pounded like his presence in her ears. "Shall I show Cloud what's in your heart?" he asked, a voice ever more sinister for its smooth delivery. Forcing her to reveal to Cloud the things he wasn't ready to hear… trying to manipulate her, guide her, for his own nefarious purposes. Cloud…
"No, please, Cloud. Don't look. Don't listen!" she half-sobbed.
"What are you trying to say, Sephiroth?" Cloud demanded, ignoring her, eyes glazed and his voice the same too-calm monotone as his adversary. "That I wasn't there that day?"
You weren't, Tifa's thoughts spoke the answer.
Sephiroth only narrowed his eyes. "I see you are beginning to understand. You weren't there. Not the Cloud from Nibelheim, coming home again. You, nothing but a puppet. Created without thoughts or feelings, only the memories that were implanted inside."
Could that be true? Tifa felt her stomach churn and drop, unable to fool herself any longer. Something terribly wrong with Cloud… what if…
"You're wrong," Cloud argued, but Sephiroth had already turned cold eyes to Tifa. "I remember it all… I felt it all…" Cloud's voice faded off feebly, as if knowing he was trying to convince himself.
"I want to show you who you really are." His eyes bored into the secrets she'd kept hidden. "One who can feel neither love… nor pain."
She couldn't believe it. She wouldn't. Too much had happened that felt too real.
Nibelheim, suddenly burning again, all around her… The fire… the terror of that day…
"You were created… piece by piece…" Was it he or her that Sephiroth enjoyed torturing more? A cat batting at a mouse, knowing it would kill it soon enough.
She didn't really know.
"A failure… not even given a number…"
But either way… it tore her heart. If Cloud wasn't Cloud… not the man she –
Cloud still aloof, detached. Dissociated – that was it. A war-scarred veteran, the beleaguered soul she had fist found in the rain, years missing from his memory, replaced by things he shouldn't know.
"Don't worry, Tifa…" Cloud's voice, ever further away. Was it her imagination, or did his eyes slit green? "It's not real. I remember it all too well." He chuckled; it didn't sound like him. "Just wait, it won't be me that comes running out."
A black-haired figure, taller, stronger. Portrait of a SOLDIER. Zack… she thought in pain. So THIS is what happened before you came to the reactor. Trying to save the town, the people, her own master sending Zack running up the hill to her rescue, and his doom.
And all I told you was that I hated you…
She owed Zack a debt she could never repay.
"Tifa, don't worry." The voice, barely his; the tone, the inflection. All wrong. "I know it's not real. It can't touch me."
But it is, Cloud, it is… and she knew he was wrong, wrong again; it WAS affecting him, seeping into his mind, reaching corners she didn't understand.
"Now, you truly see." Cloud frozen, enraptured by Sephiroth's voice – mouth open, eyes wide. And Tifa wondered what truly he was seeing.
Inside, Cloud fought, helpless as Sephiroth's power creeped over his own will; he was starting to believe. He wanted to believe. Not even something special, just something real, not a failure a fake a monster…
"Nothing more than a construct, created piece by piece. A puppet."
No, you're Cloud, please Cloud don't listen…
I am Cloud, Ex-SOLDIER…
"You never were in SOLDIER."
Born in Nibelheim.
Cloud you weren't there…
When did I join SOLDIER?
"Created from Jenova's mimic abilities and Tifa's memories..."
Tifa… the memories we shared…
Cloud, there must be more to you than just what I remember, you're you, not just a corner of my mind, you're a person, you have to be, please Cloud…
"Please, Cloud – " I've been so scared to tell you – "I need time… just a little more time…"
I think I'm out of time…
"Tifa," he turned to her and for just a moment she saw the HIM she'd glimpsed in Icicle Inn – "No matter what he tries to tell me, it's your attitude that counts."
That was what broke her more than anything Sephiroth had said, clawing into her guilt, crushing her into wordless sobs –
He reached out as if concerned, but his face was vacant.
"Don't blame her." Sephiroth had turned back to Cloud, but it felt like he was driving a knife into HER all over again – she cried out in invisible pain -
And the illusion shattered.
Cloud blinked as if nothing had happened. "What's wrong, Tifa?"
She wanted to cry and never stop. I've always been this way. I couldn't tell you then, I can't tell you now – I'm still afraid, so afraid of what might happen – of making things worse, as if what Sephiroth had done to him hadn't been bad enough.
So for his sake, she forced herself to calm, quieted her shaking shoulders and raised her head high. She hid her guilt as she met the starlight blue of Cloud's eyes, but all she could do was give a nod for them to move on.
Rufus looked around in satisfaction. Finally, it was within his grasp – the Promised Land. Sephiroth had led them to what the other one, that Ancient girl, could not. He was glad he'd listened when Tseng had advised this approach – the proof was they'd made it here, wasn't it? He could practically TASTE the mako oozing from the walls, a sensual power permeating the very air.
Hojo droned on about his nonsense Reunion Theory, whatever bullshit that second-rate scientist believed in. Rufus was already regretting bringing the man back to Shinra. He'd needed the scientist to find this location, figure out how to reach Sephiroth, but after this, he was ready to kick this waste of a budget to the curb. Another pointless piece of his father's inheritance.
Suddenly, without so much as a flash of warning, a man appeared in the center of the cavern – strange things could happen near this much mako, but Rufus was very much surprised when he realized he recognized the new arrival. The Ex-SOLDIER…
Cloud shook off the remains of… what? More hazy memories that wouldn't come up? The reunion… so close…
"Huh? Where did YOU come from?" Rufus demanded coolly. "How did you get here?" The man looked… spaced out. Rufus had questions upon unanswered questions.
"I… don't know," Cloud admitted. "This is where it will happen… the Reunion…" Sephiroth…
Hojo cackled.
Tifa stared at the group before her. Sephiroth's illusion had disappeared, only for, a moment later – this – she finding herself appearing some distance behind the others, cautiously watching Cloud, Rufus, and Hojo – the other executives nothing but a backdrop to the central drama unfolding before her. Cloud murmuring about reunion, muttering like those black cloaks had… and she could only assume he was thinking of Sephiroth.
Sephiroth. Of course. He must have brought them here. She was thankful Cloud had taken her advice, given away the Black Materia. But her relief was short-lived and her stomach dropped to her feet when, as if her worries had called him, Nanaki came loping into the cavern – where had he come from? How fast had he run ahead of the group to make it here? Before her eyes, Nanaki bowed his mane, Cloud leaning down to grab… No, Nanaki, Cloud told you, don't give it to anyone, especially not him, don't you see? She tried to scream, terror freezing her to the spot, unable to find her voice as she finally understood…
Sephiroth was going to force him – the REAL him – to give him the Black Materia – some desire to torture Cloud, in particular, over any of the other clones at his service. Why? Who – or what – was Cloud that Sephiroth was so fixated?
Behind Nanaki, the others finally came rushing in, she wondering what had taken them so long – another trick of Sephiroth's? – but it was already too late. The Black Materia had changed hands, right before their eyes – Cid hollered at Cloud, Yuffie screamed at Nanaki, Barret bellowed where is Tifa at the Shinra executives surrounding Rufus, Cloud where's Tifa - and Cloud didn't even respond to her name.
Barret turned, and he at least could see her, she realized as their eyes met – but her stricken look was all the man needed. She saw her own fears reflected as his countenance grew grim with barely-contained anger.
Barret wanted to bellow, bluster, needed to find someone to blame – but whatever Sephiroth had done to the group to separate Nanaki, convince him to give away the Black Materia – Barret didn't know, how did he know he might not have been fooled as well? Or any of them, for that matter? Sephiroth's tricks were powerful. Would he himself have done any better?
"Cloud!" Tifa finally forced out, but still neither he nor Nanaki reacted, even as the rest of the party cast worried glances towards her – they could see her, but neither Cloud, nor Nanaki, registered any of them at all. "Listen to me!" Sephiroth, once again; she tried desperately to get through to the heart of him, one last chance.
An eternity hung in the air, the spectators poised in anticipation; Nanaki started, recovering himself, looking around in confusion. Cloud turned slowly in her direction, only now registering her presence. "Everyone… I'm sorry," he addressed her, with a soft tenderness in his eyes and voice that was so uniquely him. "Especially you, Tifa. You've been too good to me, I wasn't who you thought I was…"
"Cloud, please," she begged him, unsure what she was begging him for - for him to be someone, someTHING, he wasn't?
"- maybe someday you'll meet the real Cloud," he finished with regret. "I hope you find him."
It was too much. Tifa fell to her knees, sobbing openly, could feel herself breaking apart and she unable to hold herself up any further, with nothing left to cling to, all of her falling, falling forward –
Hojo, wordless until now, laughing gleefully above her. "And my theory is proven. Which number were you? Which number became my greatest success?"
Tifa raised her head partway to see fright and desperation on Cloud's face. His eyes glazed, that brief respite gone once again, a visual of the war fighting within him. Hojo leaned in, peering closely into Cloud's eyes.
"Sephiroth said I was a failure." I don't want to be a failure. "You didn't give me a number because I was a failure."
Hojo's reaction, incredulous. "A failed clone? A failure – yet somehow you still made it here?"
"I'm not a failure!" Cloud cried out, plaintive. He put his hands to his head, squeezing his eyes and covering his ears as if he could somehow make it all go away. The only time I've wanted Cloud to be a failure, Tifa thought, wishing he'd have a seizure, something, to end this moment while there was still time. To stop what she was seeing.
"I'm not!" Cloud cried again. "Please, Professor, give me a number!" – and it killed Tifa to see Cloud grovel, humiliation on top of defeat, Sephiroth and Hojo between them grinding the gentle soul that was Cloud into dust.
She had never hated Shinra more.
And she blamed herself … for all of it.
Inside of Cloud's mind, he could hear Sephiroth's voice, speaking directly to him. His pawn. His. "Come on… the Black Materia…"
Tifa watched Cloud suddenly straighten and go very still; and she was certain. Sephiroth… Please, Cloud, fight it… just a little longer…
Remember our promise… isn't that enough to cling to? But she knew a childhood wish had no chance against the force of Sephiroth's will. Only a small corner of a mind being taken over.
"Shut up, miserable failure," scorned Hojo – but Cloud's mind was already far away.
He stared upwards at the ceiling, the spiderwebbed lattice of rock surrounding, protecting the crystal cocoon inside – and suddenly he was jerked upwards by unseen hands – the will of Sephiroth himself – suspended jerkily in midair high above. She felt gentle but firm hands helping her carefully back to her feet, turning to see the unreadable eyes of Vincent, glinting redder than her own.
Poised on the chamber's ceiling, adhered to the stony nest, Cloud craned his ears for Hojo's explanations. So that's how it all fit together. Jenova… the Reunion… finally, it was all making sense. I was never following Sephiroth – I was being summoned by him. A critical difference, one of the free will he'd thought he had. My anger… my hatred… the things that let him drive me, guide me. The anchor for Sephiroth to latch onto. That's what he thrives on, part of himself inside of me, there to be manipulated.
HOLD ON TO YOUR HATRED. CLOUD.
I am part of him. Not Cloud. Just a clone…
MADE FOR ONE REASON.
I've been a failure…
…I don't have to fail at this.
It was time to fulfill his destiny.
Robotic, he could not resist. Sephiroth was right – a puppet had no will of its own. It must obey its master. He felt his arm move forward…
…his last vestige of himself gave in.
Sephiroth, I'm here. I have the Black Materia.
Euphoric at Sephiroth's returning answer. An answer from himself.
SO FINALLY WE MEET AGAIN.
They were the same.
From down below, Tifa could see. A moment she'd never forget, the glint of the Black Materia sparkling like an insult as she watched Cloud slide it forward into the translucent prison of the nascent Sephiroth – the REAL Sephiroth. And in that instant, everything around her descended into chaos.
She was barely aware of the people around her, of Hojo's glee and the panic of the others, Rufus's surprisingly collected voice calmly issuing orders to evacuate. Stuck, she barely took in the cavern beginning to collapse around her, the lattice above crumbling and raining down around her as the crystal harboring Sephiroth disappeared from view – and Cloud along with it.
Barret had remained while the rest departed, frantically searching for Tifa amidst the roar. "Come with us," Rufus urged Barret, more command than request.
"Why should I?" Barret demanded. No sign of her…
"It's the only way you'll get out," Rufus replied logically. "Besides, I've formed some questions since out last encounter, and I'll hardly get my answers if you are dead."
Barret couldn't argue with that. They'd have to figure out the rest later. "Not without Tifa," he insisted.
Rufus nodded. "You have two minutes. Then we leave, with or without you." With that, he made his own unhurried exit.
Tifa was pulled from her shock by Barret yanking her shoulder. "Come on, Tifa, let's GO!"
"Not without Cloud," she moaned, irrationally trying to pull away from Barret, even as she knew finding Cloud in this mess was hopeless.
"If he made it out of Sector Five, he can survive this too!" Barret doubted that, but he had to say something to get her moving. Time was running out, in more ways than one, as the boulders crashing down the cavern's walls became larger and larger. "Don't make me scoop you up over my shoulder like I did then!"
Tifa nodded, reluctantly letting Barret tug her forward, hearing the cavern finally cave in completely as they just barely emerged to a patch of open air beyond. She remembered Cloud yanking her forward to safety on top of the pillar, but Barret was her savior today. Would Cloud ever be her hero again?
Together, they scrambled onto the waiting ship, the last two up the ladder as the crew was already preparing to pull it p. Tumbling onto deck, they came upon a shouting Cid giving the orders, the Shinra staff for now off to the sidelines.
"You made it!" Cid called, as he caught sight of them. "Lucky for you, the crew remembered me, or I wouldn't have been able to get them to wait for you!" He turned back to the aforementioned crew members. "Well, what are you waiting for, numbskulls? Get this ship fucking moving, already!"
"Yes, sir!" The crew saluted their captain with pride.
Yuffie was already clinging desperately to the railing. "Follow her lead!" Cid shouted. "It's going to get rough in here!" Barret and Tifa glanced around, but trapped in the middle of the deck, they barely managed to hold their balance while the ship lurched upwards before balancing and speeding forward. Tifa let out a breath that she didn't know she'd been holding, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from the retreating crater.
Airborne, Cid relaxed slightly, calmly addressing Barret ad Tifa. "So how d'ya like the ship?" he asked, now jovial. "It's my damned ship. Got my name on it and everything. The Highwind – "
"WHAT IN LEVIATHAN'S NAME IS THAT?" screamed Yuffie, drowning out the last of Cid's words.
As they all, Shinra and AVALANCHE, turned as one, a horrid, enormous monstrosity lurched out of the crater, staring its hateful eyes straight at them. WEAPON, Tifa remembered dimly. The planet protecting itself. That was all the thought she had, before the shockwave hit, sending the ship reeling. She lost her footing, falling backwards to see Barret looming over her, before her neck whiplashed and her skull cracked the deck.
Blackness, where Cloud walked away from her, and no matter how fast she ran, she never caught up.
Aerith suddenly squealed in fright. "Zack! He's here!"
Zack was at her side in a moment. "Who? Who's here?"
Aerith was half-crying already. "Cloud… he's here in the Lifestream…"
"You mean he'd dead?" No, not Cloud, Zack thought, it's not time, he has to live for us both…
"No… he's in between, overwhelmed." Tears now openly streamed down Aerith's face. "He needs help… and I can't reach him…"
Zack pulled her close in comfort. But they were both thinking the same thing. Who can help him now?