Amelia POV
I walk through the doors of Meredith's house, looking for Zola because she had called me telling me she needs a break from the mad house for a while.
"Amelia, you okay?" I hear Meredith shout after me from the kitchen. I turn around towards her and shut the door behind me.
"Yeah, I'm just going to take Zola out for a bit if that's okay with you."
"Sure, as long as she has done her homework. Got plans with Sofia?" Meredith presumes aloud but I shake my head. I'm not hiding this from her.
"No, just Zola and I. She called and said she wanted to go out for a bit."
"I'm sorry I didn't know. I can't believe she did that, sorry if she has put you out, I'll talk to her about it."
"No Mer, it's not like that. Remember a couple of weeks ago when I babysat for you? We had a conversation, she is struggling, nothing serious but still. I told her to call me when she needed a break. Today is one of those days." I explain, suddenly realising I had completely forgotten to tell her about the discussion.
"Amelia what are you talking about? You can't just keep things like this from me." Meredith responds and I understand her irritation.
"I'm sorry. I've been meaning to talk to you about it, I just had a lot going on." I admit, knowing it is I who is in the wrong here.
"I know, but this is my daughter." Meredith says as she takes me by the hand and moves us toward the table. "Just tell me what happened please."
"She was upset that I hadn't been around as much, after a while of talking it turned out she thought she was going to forget Derek because I wasn't here to remind her about him. She is so much like him and it made me worried I guess."
"Why is her being like Derek a problem? I'm not following."
"When my Dad died, Derek, he uh, he took on more responsibility than he should have. He was trying to help, he basically raised me so my Mom didn't have to. I know you're an amazing Mom Mer, this is nothing like that, but I worry she is growing up too quickly, like Derek did for me. I told her to call me if she needed a break from being responsible. I really am sorry I didn't tell you, I just, I have so much happening right now and I'm okay, it's just a lot." I say but before I know it tears are trying to escape my eyes. I wipe them away, looking up to the ceiling hoping they'll fade or reabsorb or something.
"Amelia, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you with my questions, I just wanted to know what had happened. She's my daughter."
"I know, I know. It's not your fault, I'm okay. I know I should have told you, I'm sorry." I reassure her.
"I know this is a tough week for you. Can I do anything to help?" Meredith says and I realise that she knows what I'm going through. Sometimes I forget how much Derek had shared with her.
"No. I just want to forget. Can I take Zola out for a bit? I'm thinking about taking her to that new museum with the interactive zone."
"I'm sure she'll like that. Let me know if it's any good, we might have to take Bailey and Ellis at some point."
"I will. I am sorry about taking a while to talk to you about this. You should probably know we had a sex talk too, lesbian sex included. She had a lot of built up questions." I reveal as a slightly lighter topic. We both know she is reaching an age of curiosity and it was only a matter of time until the questions were bound to begin.
"I thought she understood about sex at this point, we haven't exactly hidden anything." Meredith says and I nod, that's exactly what I thought when Zola had first brought up the topic.
"Yeah but considering until I got with Arizona all the relationships in the house were straight." I begin and Meredith just looks at me as though to suggest she has no idea what I'm referring to. "She was confused about the mechanics, I guess is the best word. Just don't be surprised if she asks more questions."
"Okay, I erm, thanks for telling me."
"No worries. Can I take Zola out now?"
"Sure. Amelia." Meredith calls after me and I turn back. "I meant what I said. I know this is a tough week for you. Call me if you need anything."
"I will thank you."
I head upstairs to find Zola sat on her bed with a backpack prepped for the day. I hold out my hand for her to take and we head down the stairs and out to the car.
"Were you and Mom fighting about me?" My niece asks, looking overly concerned.
"No. We just had a conversation. She was upset I didn't tell her about our conversation the other night but I explained and it's okay."
"So she is okay with us going out together?"
"Of course! Why wouldn't she be? Let's go!"
We make a quick stop at the gas station on the way, I run inside to pay and grab a bag of chips and a drink for us to share.
"So, you okay?" I ask Zola when I get back to the car.
"Yeah. Ellis was just being annoying and wouldn't stop drawing all over my art homework. I had to start over like three times."
"Did you try doing it in your bedroom?" I ask, simply stating the rational fix for her problem.
"I couldn't because I was also helping Bailey with his math work."
"Couldn't your Mom help?"
"Normally but she has a really difficult surgery to plan for and she said the other doctors were stupid and now she needs to fix their mistakes."
"Yeah. She told me about that case. Y'know, no matter how busy she is, she will always make time to help you guys." I reiterate, making sure to give Meredith the credit she deserves. I know she wouldn't mind if Zola asked her to help.
"I know. I just didn't want to bother her."
When we get to the museum things are pretty quiet. There are people around and kids playing but it's not overly busy like I expected. I pay for our tickets and we head inside. It's interesting, unlike most museums, this one is all based around the human body, and human science. It teaches all about different areas of the body and has different zones for different body parts.
As we walk through the museum Zola asks many questions, most of which I can answer through basic knowledge from being a doctor, even areas that aren't my specificalty. We make sure to have a turn on everything, all the interactive equipment. We don't rush because we have all day, we just enjoy the time together. There are lots of activities in which you have to put body parts back together, something Zola has grown to be very good at. She can easily do the activities alone and often helps younger children with them. I keep watching from a distance but don't interrupt what she is doing.
"Aunty Melia, come look at this."
"What is it honey?"
"The liver is the wrong colour. Look at it. It should be pink like a tongue but it's turning brown." Zola explains and I laugh.
"You're right. Looks like the owner of this plastic liver is ill. Maybe they need to see a doctor."
"A doctor can't help him. He's plastic. Maybe he just needs new paint." Zola reasons and I nod, she is right. The liver is definitely the wrong colour, I'm not sure how much we can do about it though. "What would it mean if a real person's liver was this colour?"
"I don't see that many livers but I would guess he has liver disease." I ponder aloud. It's not a 100% accurate answer, but it's the closest thing I can think to an answer.
"Thats caused by too much alcohol isn't it?"
"A lot of the time yes. How'd you know about that?"
"Mom's dad was an alcoholic. She gave him some of her liver to make him better. I overheard her and uncle Alex talking about it." Zola explains and the information takes me by surprise. I knew Meredith's dad had issues and left when she was young, but I never asked for an explanation, it wasn't my place.
"Does your mom know that you know about that?" I ask, knowing I'm going to have to tell Meredith that she knows.
"I don't know. I didn't talk to her about him. How does alcohol damage the liver?" Zola asks again, not realising the significance of what she had just told me, instead wanting to learn more.
"Do you know how a liver works?"
"It removes toxins from the blood."
"Yep, and alcohol is technically a toxin so if you drink too much your liver can't break them down and it stops working properly."
"Then why do people drink it?" She follows up, the process being much simpler in her young brain.
"Because some people think it's fun and sometimes it helps them feel relaxed."
"Why don't you drink alcohol?
"Because when I'm drunk I make bad decisions." I explain, not really wanting to get into this conversation. Fortunately for me, Zola gets distracted by another exhibit.
The next exhibit focused primarily on genetics, something Zola had never shown interest in before but seemed surprisingly knowledgeable about. She looks around reading all of the signs before showing me a section where all of the information was from adoption studies. Were all of these studied on people like me? People who came from different countries?"
"Not necessarily. But all of the people studied were adopted."
"But why do they study the adopted people?" Zola asks and I make sure to take my time explaining the nature versus nurture debate. I explain how some things we are may be because of our genes, things we are born with and how we learn other things from the people who raise us. I expect more questions and concerns due to the fact that she was adopted, but the questions do not come. Instead, Zola tells me she thinks that the people who raise us teach us. She has lots of doctors in her family and she wants to be a doctor. She sees it so simply, we are her family and nobody can change that.
We intentionally left the brain exhibit until the end. I don't know how much information they will have but Zola insists she is going to learn something new. She easily completed the activities that involve putting puzzles together and one of the museum guides offers her a more challenging activity. He gives her a sheet of paper with a labelled diagram, telling her to memorise it and then she would be asked to label a brain on a white board. After a quick glance Zola hands the paper back and tells the man she doesn't need to memorise it. The man looks to be in his mid 60s and from his mannerisms I would guess he has been in this job for quite a long time. He seems surprised but offers her the marker and a step for her to label the large picture. Zola starts with what was written on the sheet she was given, labelling the lobes and the cerebellum, but then she adds more, labeling the limbic system, the sulci and gyrus as well as the dura and brain stem.
"Hey Zozo, why don't you tell this nice man what you want to be when you grow up?"
"A neurosurgeon. I want to fix people's brains." Zola explains confidently and the man nods in agreement.
"I can tell. You know I know a few doctors that might be able to help with that if you wanted." he offers to Zola and myself. I can tell he is trying to be kind but my niece just looks at me and giggles.
"My dad was a brain surgeon. Aunty Melia is a brain surgeon. My Mom and Uncle Alex and Aunt Maggie are surgeons too. Right Aunty Melia?"
"Hi. Amelia Shepherd, head of neurosurgery at Grey Sloan memorial. Thanks for the offer, but I think we have the doctor angle covered." I explain and he develops a perplexed look.
"Dr Amelia Shepherd, sister of Derek Shepherd. You did the ground breaking surgery on Nicole Herman's inoperable tumour. I've read about it."
"That would be me. For the record, I said from the beginning that tumour wasn't inoperable, it's just nobody else agreed with me."
"Dr Shepherd, we actually run a programme here for young people who are interested in careers in medicine. Would you ever consider doing a workshop here for us? You would be paid if course and your niece would be more than welcome to join. We have had a range of doctors in before but surgeons aren't as easy to get a hold of."
"I will definitely consider it. Could you email me the details?" I ask, telling him my work email address.
"You should do it. We could bring Arizona and Sofia too!" Zola says excitedly.
"Arizona is my partner, and head of paediatric surgery. Sofia is her daughter and Zola's best friend." I explain and he tells us they're both welcome to join if we decide to help out. I thank him for the offer and take Zola's hand in my own to finish looking at the exhibition. To make the most of our day.
Zola requested to join us at our apartment for dinner with the agreement that Meredith would pick her up with a reasonable amount of time before bed. The girls are in Sofia's bedroom playing while Arizona and I are preparing food in the kitchen. I tell Arizona about the day out and the different activities that the museum had offered.
"So Zola may have actually volunteered you to do something with me?" I begin and Arizona looks up.
"That sounds very ominous. Explanation please?"
"Well Zola impressed one of the men in the neuro exhibition by knowing way more than expected about the brain. Anyway she said I was a surgeon and he had actually heard of me, he knew of Hermans surgery and he asked me to help out with a workshop with kids who want to go into medicine. Zola said you should come and join with Sofia too. So you don't have to but if you're willing I may be doing this thing I honestly don't know right now, he might not even contact me." I explain before realising I'm rambling and stopping talking all together.
"I would be happy to help out providing I get plenty of notice so I can make sure I'm not working."
"I was thinking, if I do it, I may do a section on the relationship between physical and mental health, as well the surgery stuff. It feels right."
"That's an amazing idea. Let's just wait and see huh? See if they actually contact you first."
"So, did you and Sof do anything fun while I was gone?"
"Not really. We watched a few movies. She has decided she wants to go back to dance class, she hadn't brought it up since she lived with Callie but apparently she wants to go back. I'm going to call them tomorrow." Arizona says simply and I smile. I hadn't realised Sofia had been to dance lessons before but it doesn't surprise me.
"What type of dance did she do?"
"Ballet, Modern and a bit of dance acro, but she said she wants to go back to ballet and modern."
"My mom sent me to ballet lessons when I was little. Turns out I had two left feet, it wasn't meant to be." I laugh at the memory. I got through about 6 weeks of classes before giving up.
"That's okay. I won't judge. I don't have a left foot at all." Arizona says and we both burst out laughing. I didn't know what I had expected her to say but this wasn't it.
"Really? Okay. I'm going to get the girls for dinner."
Meredith arrives a short while later to pick up Zola. Sofia answers the door to let her in while Zola gets her things together.
"We are in here Mer, come on through." I yell, not wanting to leave the comfortable position in Arizona's arms.
"Really? That's no way to treat a guest."
"It's my sister. It's fine. Just be grateful we aren't fighting like we used to."
"She has a point. We never used to be able to sit in the same room." Meredith agrees as she enters and sits on the other couch.
"Told you. This is good. I am sorry about not talking to you last week though."
"It's fine don't worry. Are you sure you're okay? I meant what I said, I know this is a hard week for you." Meredith says and I sigh and nod my head.
"I'm fine, I promise." I explain, hoping she will drop the subject. I don't understand why she is making such a big deal of this.
Arizona clearly senses my nervousness or frustration and changed the topic.
"Amelia said Zola impressed the staff of the museum, she knew much more about the brain than expected." Arizona explains, nudging me to funnies the story.
"Yeah, she was asked to label the basic lobes but she went all out and named pretty much every brain area I learned in my first year at college." I add.
"I'm not surprised. She draws and labels brains for fun these days."
"Yeah it's fun. Aunty Melia you need to tell me more parts to memorise." Zola joins in, coming to sit by my side with her stuff.
"Okay. The fornix. It's a loop inside the limbic system. It's where dreams are made." I state and Zola pulls her backpack off and gets out a notepad. She opens it to a ready drawn diagram and gives me the red pen. It's how I teach her the new areas. I draw it in red pen and won't tell her more until she can do it on her own. I do a quick drawing of the fornix and write a quick explanation before giving her the book back. "Better?"
"Yeah thank you Aunty Melia."
"Okay. Shoes on." Meredith tells my niece so I get up to see them out.
When I head back to the living room I move to sit next to Arizona, just how we were sat before the commotion.
"What did Meredith mean when she said it's a tough week for you? You hadn't mentioned anything." Arizona asks me, and I know she is just trying to be caring, but I hoped she would have realised it wasn't something I wanted to talk about.
"I'm fine, I promise."
"Amy, she seemed worried. Are you sure?"
"I am fine. She had no right to bring it up." I reiterate, but the words come out of my mouth a little more harshly than I had intended.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but you know I'm here if you do right?" Arizona explains leaning back into our embrace. I know she is here, it's not that I want to hide this from her I just didn't feel the need to talk about it either. I don't appreciate Meredith bringing this up, especially in front of Arizona. I know Derek must have told her in confidence, and I know she didn't mean anything by it, I'm just frustrated. I didn't plan on having this conversation.
"This is the week of my Dad's death. I didn't tell you because I didn't feel like I needed to. I'm okay, I promise. Derek used to struggle a lot with this week, I guess she assumed I did too."
"You're allowed to grieve, you know. It's okay." Arizona tells me and I take her hand in my own confidently.
"I know that, but if I had a full breakdown on the anniversary of everybody I have loved that died, I would never have time to be happy. Dad, Derek, Mark, Christopher, Ryan, Michelle, Pete. I would literally never stop grieving."
"Michelle?" Arizona says with a questioning gaze.
"Story for another day."
"Okay. I just wish you would have talked to me." My girlfriend explains, pulling me closer. I understand why she is worried but there is really no reason to be.
"Arizona, look at me. I'm okay. I went on a ferry boat yesterday, like I do every year on the anniversary. My dad loved ferryboats, that's where Derek got it from. Because I can't visit his grave, it's how I deal. But I promise you, I am okay."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have freaked out. I should have trusted you."
"I'm not mad. I mean, maybe. But at Mer but not with you. I promise, I'm fine. Better even." I tell Arizona.
I hear a noise behind me so I turn to see Sofia stood at the doorway.
"Can I come in or is it a private conversation?" She asks quietly but I open my arms for her to come sit with us. "Amy can I ask you about your dad?"
"What do you want to know?" I respond, willing to let her choose the area of discussion.
"How did he die?"
"He got shot. There were two bad men, and they wanted his money. But it was a long time ago, there is much better security now." I add, not wanting to lie to her, but also not wanting her to be scared.
"Do you still miss him?"
"Yep, but I am okay. I promise. I think he would have liked you." I explain to the young girl, hoping that Arizona would realise that I am truly okay, and that she doesn't need to worry about me.
"I think I would have liked him too."
"What did he look like?"
"Do you want to see a picture?" I offer and she quickly says she does. I head through to my bedroom and get a photo and my sketch book. "This is the most recent photo I have but it's a little blurry. I drew this picture of him too."
"Wow. He looks like Zola's dad." Sofia says, her fingers gently stroking across the paper.
"Yeah, he did."
I don't realise I'm crying until Arizona wipes my eyes.
"Did I make you cry?" Sofia asks but I shake my head.
"No baby, you did nothing wrong, come here." I say, pulling her up from the ground and into mine and Arizona's cuddle space.
"I love you Amy."
"I love you too, both of you." I say turning to look at my girlfriend and giving her a quick kiss.
"I love you both so much."