Chapter 68. December 15 (5pm – 9pm), εуλ0009

Heavy hearted, Cloud entered the church that he now called his final home. From the Buster Sword to here, his places to atone, the burden of sins unredeemed weighing down his shoulders more than any weapon ever had.

He understood the bloodied mantle Vincent wore.

His plodding steps echoed in the rafters that had once heard Aerith's laughing chimes. Now every step was a funeral dirge, one step closer to…

The flowers came into his downcast vision. The painful reminder he indulged every day. He scanned them unthinking through the muddied waters of his brain…

Huh?

No… oh no, it couldn't be…

He ran forward, for once heedless of the flowers trampled underneath his boots, scooping her limp figure into his arms.

Please, oh please…

Warm. BREATHING. His heart still pounded, even as relief washed over him. Distantly his mind surveyed her, mechanically tallying damage. Beaten badly, but alive. Clothes still intact – she hadn't suffered… oh goddess what would he have done if she had, he should have been here, he should have been protecting her…

"Tifa!" he called, the only word that mattered.

Her head lolled as he pulled her to his chest – his heart - and she stirred. "You're late," she replied, eyes still closed.

The chiding was gentle, but right then he wouldn't have cared if she told him to go fuck himself. She's alive, dear goddess she's alive… "Who did this?" he demanded.

"They didn't say," Tifa murmured. Didn't matter. When Cloud found the culprit, he'd give them a beating ten times what Tifa had received. "Marlene!" Tifa suddenly gasped, jolting upright, her eyes whipping open before the burst of effort lapsed her into unconsciousness once again, and all Cloud could do was catch her.

His head lifted, eyes darting around. A Cure, he needed a Cure… The chest of materia sat in the same place it always had. Opened. Empty.

"Damn," he cursed under his breath, the harshest expletive he could allow himself in the sanctity of the church. Had she been attacked by a simple thief? Or someone fought her first and robbed him as an afterthought?

She wasn't supposed to be here. Why WAS she here?

Of course, he couldn't deny it. HIM. Tifa, could you possibly care that much about me? She was looking for him…

Someone else… must have been looking for him…

Oh, seven hells of Hades, no, no… she took a beating meant for me…

He wasn't here. Hadn't saved her from being hurt. Worse, even – she'd gotten hurt because of him, how would she forgive him for this on top of everything else…

Geostigma chose that moment to attack with a vengeance, the black ooze of his guilt dripping into the flowers. Tifa tumbled helplessly from his arms, and he swiped to catch her as he crumpled himself. A las mad thought that the flowers reached out to catch them both. He stretched his arm to her, his fingertips falling short as the world grew dark, thinning to a pinprick.

A drop of water falling in his mind, a single tear.

And as he blacked out for good, he could clearly hear the flowers.

"Aw shit." Reno reached for the wooden doors in disgust. "Why do these retrieval mission always end up at the church? What gives?"

"Hmm," was all Rude said in reply.

Reno opened the half-shattered door, walking into a mess. Place isn't holding up well with Aerith gone, he thought. Rubble everywhere. At least the flowers kept on blooming; he'd deflected Aerith's scolding, but despite himself it had stuck – he'd never stepped on the flowers again.

They were pretty nice, he had to admit. Maybe he'd take home a few after vetting this place for signs of Strife.

Strife –

Fuck, Reno swore under his breath. Behind him, his partner's silent footsteps came to an even quieter standstill, and Reno knew they'd both seen the same thing.

Tifa. Strife. And it didn't look like they had stepped out for a romantic romp. He didn't need to see the black marks to know, Rufus had guessed correctly, Strife had geostigma – poor guy saves the fucking world, and all he had to show for it was a wasting disease – but what the hell had happened to Tifa?

Well, duh, looked like someone had beaten the crap out of her. A better question – WHO could even do that? Rude only got a hard-on for women who could kick his ass, and Tifa definitely qualified. So if his partner wasn't a match for her – who was?

"We've got to get them home," Reno said. Rude didn't answer. Rude didn't answer obvious statements.

Rude leaned for Tifa, but Reno stopped him. "Uh-uh. You'll just try to get a look up her dress. Strife wouldn't like that."

"She's wearing shorts," Rude reasonably pointed out.

"Don't matter. He wouldn't like it anyway." Reno had no doubt of that. When it came to Tifa, Cloud was just pussy-whipped. Boobie-whipped, whatever. No sins against Tifa went unpunished.

Whomever did THIS was going to have a very bad day once Cloud caught up to him.

He leaned over Tifa; to his surprise, her bruises began fading before his eyes. Huh. Still, strange things happened in this church sometimes. Reno picked her up bit a bit of tenderness, carefully positioning her over his shoulder, her slender lightness belying her strength. Anyone could see she was gorgeous, but she really was a kind soul as well; awkwardly forgiving even as her eyes weighed him every time he came into the bar.

He really ought to tell her, the screams in his nightmares were probably far worse than hers.

Placing her gently in the awaiting van, he returned to help Rude with Strife. He grabbed the man's shoulders and nearly dropped him right back down again. "Man's heavy," he wheezed. "How much does all that extra mako weigh, anyway?"

"Would be easier to carry him if you'd stop talking," Rude pointed out sensibly.

Not like Reno let that stop his bitching. "There better be a room above the bar. If not, I'm leaving them in the hallway. Not carrying them any more than that." Get them home, plop them in bed, and then… then…. Reno had no idea.

But one thing was for certain. He'd better be getting some free drinks at Tifa's bar after this.

For once, there was no pain when Cloud started awake, only its memories.

Where…

His eyes swam, then focused. He was in the children's room ut why? The last thing he remembered… he rolled his head as the thoughts churned, and then –

Tifa!

He was back home – with her, safe and sound. Relief mixed with love, guilt and frustration as he drew himself to his feet - and all he could do was just stand there, looking, thinking.

I tried, Tifa. I tried to run. But here I am again.

Why, Tifa, he wondered. Why did you follow me to the church? Even after as bad as things had been going? Could she really love him that much – more than he'd ever dared hope for?

Tifa, I never wanted to see you hurt. Something in him had died with Aerith – but it was Tifa who kept bringing him back to life. If something ever happened to you, Tifa – my heart would die for good.

He'd always known he was one-woman man. And to have that woman love him too – Most people only experienced that once in their lives. Some, not at all.

He knew with the sureness of instinct, there would never be another woman. He'd live out his life alone first. No matter where I run, I can't run from my heart. It will never change.

He let his eyes travel up her body at rest, settling on her beautiful face. Do you remember when we first made love? So much hope we had? It's been hard since then. Harder than I thought.

Her hands were neatly crossed over her stomach, right over left. A ray of setting sunlight glinted on his ring. He'd only wanted her to have something beautiful – but now she never took it off. Did that mean she understood?

Tifa, I've never told you, but I know it for certain. My heart belongs to you. I am yours, for life.

However much of that might be left to him…

"You're welcome." A familiar voice came from the door.

Cloud turned. Reno and Rude. They must have gotten he and Tifa back home… "Uh," he struggled, the words thank you just wouldn't form.

"Did you even notice the kids aren't here? "Reno said, not without a hint of scorn.

"Because we noticed," added Rude.

Cloud just gaped stupidly, open mouthed, trying to take it all in. The kids… Tifa… Marlene… Denzel…

"You don't care?" Rude went on.

"I just…" I just don't know. Tifa – would she be alright? How could he go find the children without being sure? He turned to look at her, now home and safe… what would she think when she woke up?

He didn't hear what Reno added, but Rude's slamming of the door made the Turks' opinion clear, as they left him with only the unquiet of his thoughts. To weary to pace, too anxious to sit, he walked over to the window and stared into Edge's setting sun.

He stared at the angel statue; how long had it been outside their window, yet he'd never taken the time to take a look? For reasons unknown, he fixated on it now, memorizing the details of its sculptings and curves, as the dark took the sky and his thoughts.

Marlene!

Tifa rose to seated, startled awake by nightmares and fear, only to realize she was no longer in the church. She was home. It was dark, and she was home.

And Cloud was standing at the window.

Cloud turned, head lowered, refusing to meet her eyes, marching to the other bed and lowering himself opposite her. She wanted so badly to reach for him, touch him, reassure herself that he was really there. "Reno and Rude are out looking."

Marlene… Denzel, too? The house echoed emptily, a foreboding sensation of no one else was home.

She'd nearly given up on him ever coming back home, but no, it wasn't a dream, here he was. It was slowly returning to her – the church, the bandages, the terrible secret he'd been hiding that she should have known. Must have known. "You have geostigma… don't you?"

A silence that told her everything.

She turned away, wrapping her hands around her knees, curling into herself for comfort. The air seemed suddenly very cold. "You're going to give up and die. Is that it?" Nothing, his defeat breaking her heart. "So it is…" Cloud, why didn't you tell me? But she knew THAT why, too.

"There's no cure." Cloud wished so much he could tell her something, anything that might help, but the harsh truth was all he had to give her.

"Yeah, but that's not stopping Denzel, is it?" Tifa could feel the sadness, the bile, everything she'd been allowing to build inside her threatening now to bubble out. How could she make him believe in himself, when she'd been trying and failing all along? Twisting to look seriously at him now, she willed him to raise his head, look into my eyes just once… let me see what you bear inside of you… "Don't run. Let's fight it together. We can help each other, I know we can."

Don't give up on the two of us… the four of us. "I guess that only works for real families," she finished lamely, drawing into herself once again. Anger. Regret. A real family – that's what she had wanted them to be, had she been fooling herself? Was she partly to blame?

Cloud flinched; he could feel the hurt, radiating of her like the warmth that rolled of her when he held her in his arms. It seemed so long ago he'd done that. She'd tried so hard to make the family he treasured so dearly… her doubt, her loss of faith, was the sharpest stab to the heart he could imagine.

"Tifa…" he began, layering the nuance of all he wanted to tell her into the syllables of her name. Such a beautiful name, she had. Starting off strong and powerful, leading to a soft puff that melted on his breath, two sides meshed together so much like the woman herself… "I'm not fit to help anyone. Not my family. Not my friends. No one."

"Dilly-dally, shilly shally." Nonsense, mumbled to the cool night air. Cloud's head jerked up, allowing herself a peek at her profile while she was safely turned away. Her murmurs, meant to tell him where to go, what to do. Since he sure didn't know.

"I think she wants you to move on, man." Two heads wheeled as one to see the Turks, their silent entry unnoticed. How long had they been listening?

Tifa lurched forward in eager anticipation. "Did you find them?"

"Kadaj's gang," Rude began. "Took the kids and other s like them" Geostigma, Cloud thought. Rufus was on to something. "To their base. The Forgotten City."

The Forgotten City… The City of the Ancients…

A place he'd never be able to forget.

What else did Rufus know? Sephiroth. The name gave him chills every time he thought it. The thought of facing him once again scared him more than ever – now when he had so much more to lose. He rose, clanking to the door, Rude shooting out one suit-clad arm to stop him.

Tifa couldn't take it anymore – losing him once more when she'd only just gotten him back, after weeks of wishing she had said something to him, hearing her voice raise despite himself, only a tender spot for his pain stopping her from raising it to a shout. "Stop running!" she exclaimed. "I know. Even if you find the kids, you might not be able to help them. Maybe something will happen that can never unhappen. That scares you, doesn't it?" She saw Cloud's back freeze, and she wondered if she was getting though. "But you need to think about now, really take it in!"

She slammed her hand against the bed, jarring her ring. Cloud's ring. The ring that told her what he could not. "Look at you! You hate being alone, so let people in!" If he would only meet her eyes… "Sure, you don't answer the phone, but I don't see you throwing it away, either!"

Is that really what she thinks? Had he hurt her that deeply, that she thought he wanted to shut her out? You are inside my heart so deep, I don't think I can ever get you out.

He didn't have the words to tell her that. He'd never had.

"You go," Reno finished. "This is all you." Disgust was in the Turk's eyes as he and his partner left, their exit leaving an emptiness of desperation Tifa yearned to fill.

She took a deep breath, bracing for the question she feared most to ask. "Which is it… a memory or us?"

And like a thunderbolt, he suddenly understood. Neighbors. Friends. Family. TIFA. All of those meant love, but those chains of memories, those were nothing but death.

He'd thought his only way was death… but he had a choice.

In that moment, he chose. He could still fight.

He turned to find her staring at him, tears welling. Tears he had to take away. I'm not running away, he tried to tell her with his own eyes. I'm running towards something now. But I need to do something first.

She could see it – she, who knew Cloud's every mood so well – a subtle change that told her he had heard. He felt rather than thought, reacting in the moment. Knowing now what he had to do. Go, her eyes said silently; and with a nod, he was gone from the room.

Tifa rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling, the last burst of energy finally gone. She couldn't do anything else now. Nothing to do but wait, and trust in Cloud… Her eyes refused her command to stay open, but as she fell unwillingly into sleep, she was greeted this time by the sweetest dreams of Cloud to carry her through the long night ahead.

They took her to the other kids.

Marlene recognized a lot of them from the neighborhood. The ones who had been sick. The orphans, like Denzel had been. But they wouldn't let her go to them. why didn't they want her near the other kids?

Denzel…

There he was, she suddenly spotted him in the center of the group. She tried to run to him, but the scary man held her back.

The other man was talking, words she couldn't make any sense of. He scared her more. She could feel the wrongness coming off him, actually from all three of them, but him most of all. It was a feeling that he wasn't something, wasn't human.

It scared her more to think what he might be.

He strode into the pool, and Marlene felt the wrongness more as the water turned black before her; he reached deep into the filth, and drank.

He coaxed the children into the water too – get out, she wanted to tell them, you don't belong there – and one by one, they followed his lead. As they looked up, their eyes were bright, slitted, like the scary men too.

She saw Denzel wading in. "Denzel!" she shouted, but he didn't even look up; she was too far away to stop him, and panic gripped her.

Denzel don't drink the water don't drink the water don't drink the water…